Archive of Our Own

“ You are the best thing that has happened to me. I don ’ t know what my life would have been like without you. Happy birthday Jeongguk-ah. ”

Taehyung read the paper again. It still seemed wrong somehow. Usually, he was very informal and funny and maybe even a little silly when it came to birthday cards. When he wrote to Namjoon for example, he filled the card with random doodles. When he wrote a card for Jin, he actually drew a cartoon picture of himself instead of signing it. But now, with one of Jeongguk’s birthday cards on his desk, he found himself unable to write anything that he liked.

If it were the years before, he would have no problem finishing the card in minutes. He usually joked about Jeongguk getting closer to adulthood, and then teased him about something before finally wishing him a happy birthday.

This year was different though. It was the first birthday they would celebrate together as a couple. They got together at the beginning of the year, just a few days after Taehyung’s birthday, and had been dating ever since.

He wondered if he should just give Jeongguk that present without the card, but decided against that. The card was perfect. It had a picture of a grey bunny, which reminded Taehyung of the costume Jeongguk wore once a few years ago.

Taehyung heard his name being called so he hurriedly tore the paper into small pieces before putting the pile into the trashcan. Then he put the card inside his desk drawer.

“Tae!”

He could hear the sound again before the door was even opened. When he turned around, Jeongguk was holding the doorknob and looking at him expectedly.

“It’s hyung.” – He scolded, albeit halfheartedly.

“Tae-hyung.” – Jeongguk laughed. – “Still just your name, haha. What are you doing?”

Jeongguk walked in and closed the door behind him before sitting down on Taehyung’s bed.

“Trying to write your birthday card.” – Taehyung replied.

Jeongguk froze a bit at that; but he quickly smiled and stood up to pat Taehyung’s head.

“It’s still days away. Have you bought me a present already?”

Taehyung nodded; and Jeongguk smiled brightly before leaning down and kissed him on the cheek.

“Tae-Tae is so sweet.” – Jeongguk cooed.

“Are you seriously doing aegyo right now?” – Taehyung laughed and hugged him close, his hands resting on Jeongguk’s waist. – “You were looking for me?”

“Oh yeah I forgot. Jin-hyung said dinner is ready.” – Jeongguk said.

“That should be the first thing you said when you came in.” – Taehyung sighed. One of his hands was now in Jeongguk’s hair.

“I just wanted to spend time with you.” – Jeongguk shrugged.

It was a simple sentence, maybe even meant as a joke; but something about Jeongguk’s tone bothered Taehyung a little.

“We spend a lot of time together?” – Taehyung asked.

There was the strange pause again. But just like last time, Jeongguk replied quickly.

“I was being clingy.” – He smiled.

“You’re not clingy.” – Taehyung disagreed immediately. – “I’m the clingy one.”

To demonstrate that, he held Jeongguk impossibly closer and nuzzled his face in the crook of Jeongguk’s neck.

He really liked Jeongguk’s scent. Sometimes Taehyung wondered if it was a cologne or perfume out of the numerous bottles on Jeongguk’s dresser. Sometimes Taehyung thought is was the body wash or shampoo that his boyfriend used (he sniffed them all and they smelled different.) He thought that maybe it was Jeongguk’s natural scent.

“You always smell so nice.” – Taehyung sighed happily.

Jeongguk chuckled lightly. And then Taehyung’s stomach decided to groan; and Jeongguk burst out laughing.

“Let’s go have dinner.” – Jeongguk stood up straight and held Taehyung’s hand.

“I have some good news.” – Namjoon announced when they were all at the dining table. – “We have September off.”

“Really?” – Jimin asked, his mouth full of rice. – “Hyung, are you serious?”

“I’m serious.” – Namjoon nodded. – “Bang PD-nim just called me into his office. Our final live performance is next week and tour doesn’t start until mid-October. So we can have a break in between.”

“That’s awesome.” – J-Hope smiled. – “We really need a break.”

“We’re still all going out for Jeongguk’s party next week right?” – Jin asked in confirmation. – “After our performance, I mean.”

“Hyung, we don’t really have to do that.” – Next to Taehyung, Jeongguk looked up.

“Of course we have to. It’s your 22^nd birthday.” – Jimin chimed in. – “You can only celebrate it once.”

“That applies to every birthday.” – Jeongguk laughed. – “Seriously, we don’t have to go out. I’m fine just hanging out with the six of you.”

“You okay, kiddo?” – Yoongi looked at him curiously.

Taehyung also stopped eating and turned to Jeongguk. The maknae stared back at him and smiled. Taehyung smiled back almost immediately.

“These kids. No flirting at the dining table please.” – Yoongi sighed. – “Save it for the bedroom.”

“Actually, try to keep it down even in the bedroom.” – Jin corrected him.

“We’re not even…” – Taehyung began to protest, but stopped when everyone except Jeongguk was looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“We’re not loud.” – Jeongguk continued.

“It was just a reminder not to be loud in the future.” – Jin shrugged. – “We almost got you, Taehyung.” – He added with a grin.

J-Hope and Jimin sighed disappointedly. Taehyung had no idea what they were talking about.

“So we’re still partying after the performance then?” – Namjoon asked.

Jeongguk hesitated and looked at Taehyung before answering:

“I guess we can go out for a bit.”

“Aw, you guys have something planned?” – J-Hope looked at them suggestively.

Again, Taehyung had no idea what they were on about. He wanted to give Jeongguk the presents in private of course, but he did not really plan anything too elaborate.

“It’s a secret!” – Jeongguk stuck out his tongue at J-Hope and continued eating.

“Got it. We’ll go out for a bit and then come back so you two can have some time together.” – Jimin nodded.

“Our break is more than a whole month though?” – Namjoon wondered.

“You’re really not romantic at all. It’s Jeongguk’s birthday. I’m sure they need to spend it together.” – Jin scolded him.

The next morning when Taehyung woke up, he was alone in his bed. He looked over at Jeongguk’s, and realized that it was empty as well. This was unusual, because normally Jeongguk was the one who woke up the latest among the seven of them.

There were four bedrooms in the apartment. Namjoon shared with Jin, Yoongi and Jimin, Taehyung and Jeongguk, and J-Hope has a room of his own. Jin and Yoongi woke up the earliest; and they would wake the others up. It usually took both of them, and sometimes even Taehyung, to wake up Jeongguk, which was why it was strange for Taehyung to be alone in the room right now.

When Taehyung walked out of the bedroom, he heard noises from the kitchen so he walked toward it. Jeongguk and Jimin were eating cereal at the dining table and laughing about something.

“Oh hey, morning Taehyung.” – Jimin saw him and picked the cereal box up and waved it around. – “Want some breakfast?”

Jeongguk looked at Taehyung and he smiled as well. Taehyung might be crazy, but he felt like Jeongguk had been much brighter before Taehyung walked in. It might have been his imagination though.

“Where is everyone?” – Taehyung got a bowl from the cabinet and sat down next to Jeongguk.

“Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon-hyung went to the studio. Jin-hyung and Hobi-hyung went to buy… groceries.” – Jimin answered.

“Why did you pause before saying groceries?” – Jeongguk asked curiously.

“No reason.” – Jimin shrugged and pulled Taehyung’s bowl toward himself.

Jimin was pouring the cereal into the bowl when Jeongguk stood up and went to the fridge. He got out the milk cartoon and placed it on the table next to Taehyung.

“Thank you.” – Taehyung smiled at Jeongguk appreciatively.

“Don’t mention it.” – Jeongguk said and sat down at his previous spot

“Why are so guys up so early today?” – Taehyung asked.

Out of habit, his leg touched Jeongguk’s underneath the table. Jeongguk leaned over and touched Taehyung’s shoulder with his own in response.

“I woke up when Namjoon-hyung played ‘Baep Sae’ in the shower.” – Jeongguk laughed.

“And I woke up when Yoongi-hyung pounded on the bathroom door for Namjoon-hyung to turn it down.” – Jimin said.

“He does like that song.” – Taehyung nodded. – “How come I missed that?”

“Maybe because you haven’t had a good sleep lately.” – Jeongguk answered. – “You didn’t even stir when I tripped on you while getting out of bed.”

“Did you apologize to him at least?” – Jimin asked.

Jeongguk stared at Taehyung and then laughed while shaking his head.

“This kid.” – Taehyung sighed and patted Jeongguk’s head.

“You wouldn’t have heard it anyway.” – Jeongguk shrugged and leaned over to get the milk carton. – “There’s too little milk in your cereal.”

“I don’t want it to get soggy.” – Taehyung covered his bowl with his hands before Jeongguk could pour more milk in it.

“If you eat it quickly then it wouldn’t be soggy.” – Jeongguk countered.

Jimin just observed them with an amused expression.

“So when’s the wedding?” – He tried to hide his smile but failed.

“Funny.” – Jeongguk retorted. – “When is your wedding with Yoongi-hyung?”

Taehyung just continued eating without responding to them. This was the first time that the word “wedding” was mentioned about him and Jeongguk. He knew very well that it was too soon to even think about the future, but he couldn’t help himself. He had envisioned the future so many times; and he always saw Jeongguk when he thought about the years to come.

He also knew that Jeongguk was very young. He himself was young, but Jeongguk was even younger. They had their whole life ahead of them and it would be too soon to even think about…

…Definitely too soon.

These thoughts brought him to Jeongguk’s upcoming birthday. He bought the presents already, but now he was starting to regret one of them…

“Hyung, I need to talk to you.”

Jeongguk came in and sat down on his bed. Taehyung thought that he looked a bit nervous so he closed the card and put it in the desk drawer before sitting down on the bed next to the maknae.

“Is everything okay?” – Taehyung turned to him immediately.

Jeongguk was playing with his own hands, something he only did when he was worried about something. Taehyung saw that and grasped both of Jeongguk’s hands in his.

“Is something or someone bothering you?” – He asked again. – “You can tell me anything.”

“I think… maybe we should take a break.” – Jeongguk kept his gaze on their joined hands.

Taehyung blinked.

He must have misheard it?

“Like… going on a trip together or a break from u… our relationship?” – He asked in confirmation.

It was clear what Jeongguk meant based on how he was acting, so Taehyung did not know why he even mention a trip together.

“I’m going back to Busan when our break starts.” – Jeongguk murmured. – “It’s just… I don’t know. Everything is too much right now and I just want to stay away for a bit before we go on tour.”

“I see.” – Taehyung had no idea what he was supposed to say.

“And I’m also confused about my feelings. I like you, but lately I also think that Jimin-hyung is really cute; and I don’t want to lead you on or anything.” – Jeongguk continued.

Taehyung just now realized that Jeongguk had not looked at him since he came into the room.

“I know it’s my birthday tomorrow, actually in like five minutes, but I didn’t want to keep this from you anymore.” – Jeongguk turned their hands to look at his watch, which reminded Taehyung that they were still holding hands even now.

He could not make himself let go.

“I see.” – Taehyung repeated.

“Is it… okay if we don’t tell anyone yet? I mean our break starts the day after tomorrow and I’ll be going to Busan anyway, no need to mention it yet right?” – For the first time since he came in, Jeongguk actually looked at Taehyung while saying this.

“It’s fine. But do you want to tell Jimin about it though? Since you have feelings for him and stuff.” – Taehyung replied.

Jeongguk paused and kept his gaze fixed on Taehyung. Normally he loved Jeongguk’s attention, but right now it was hurting him.

So he finally let go of Jeongguk’s hands.

Also, when would this break end?

“I… maybe… I don’t know yet. There’s also Yoongi-hyung to think about.” – Jeongguk stuttered. – “I don’t know what I’m doing, to be honest, which is why I’m taking a break from everything.”

“Okay then.” – Taehyung nodded in understanding, because he really did understand. – “If that’s what you want, then of course we… I’ll do it.”

“Tae, I’m really sorry.” – Jeongguk looked like he was about to cry.

Taehyung hated these moments the most, when he knew that Jeongguk was going to cry, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” – He tried to keep his voice as reassuring as possible. – “You can’t help how you feel, or what you feel.”

“But I’m hurting you.” – Jeongguk’s eyes were filled with tears.

“It’s not like you’re doing it on purpose.” – Taehyung tried to laugh, but the sound that came out was bitter. – “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

He almost wiped away Jeongguk’s tears out of habit. But he realized he could not do that anymore. Somewhere inside his chest, there was an ache when he looked at Jeongguk.

“Thank you for being so kind about this.” – Jeongguk wiped his tears; and Taehyung just wanted to pull him into his arms.

The last time he hugged Jeongguk was this afternoon. He had not realized that it would be the last time.

“I just want you to be happy.” – Taehyung confessed.

The alarm clock changed to twelve.

“Happy birthday, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung gave him a weak smile.

Jeongguk looked at him without saying anything. There was something in his eyes that Taehyung could not understand at that moment.

“Thank you.” – He said sincerely.

“I think everyone’s coming in soon.” – Taehyung said.

“Yeah.” – Jeongguk nodded absentmindedly.

Taehyung stood up and went back to sit on his desk chair. Soon enough, the door flung opened and the other five burst in, with Jin carrying a birthday cake.

“Yes, they’re decent!” – Namjoon cheered.

“Happy birthday, Jeongguk-ah!” – Everyone said happily.

“Thank you everyone.” – Jeongguk stood up.

“Aw, you’re that touched then?” – Jimin remarked. – “I think I see some tears already, Kookie.”

Taehyung remembered that once Jeongguk had told him that he hated being called “Kookie” because it sounded like he was a kid. Taehyung had felt so happy then because Jeongguk was opening up to him.

“Of course I’m touched.” – But right now, Jeongguk just shrugged and quickly wiped his remaining tears away. – “I love you guys.”

“So I know we’re not supposed to eat cake this late, but I still want to put the candles in and bring it here to you. We’ll eat it tomorrow at the party.” – Jin explained.

“We need to put this on our twitter.” – J-Hope pulled out his phone and gestured for everyone to come closer. – “Taehyung-ah, hurry up. Come stand next to our birthday boy.”

Taehyung was so thankful for the training he received when he was filming Hwarang, because he blinked and put on his usual smile and walked to Jeongguk. When he put his arm around Jeongguk, he could feel a slight tremble, but his boyfriend… ex-boyfriend? quickly relaxed and smiled as well.

He had to do this. He had promised Jeongguk that they would not tell anyone just yet.

He thought that the picture came out great. Everyone looked happy.

After their last performance, they went back to the apartment to change before going out to Jeongguk’s birthday party. Taehyung changed into jeans and a T-shirt, and he put on his favorite leather jacket as well.

“Isn’t it too casual, your outfit?” – Suga knitted his eyebrows.

“It’s dinner and noraebang, why shouldn’t I be casual?” – He asked.

Suga stared at him for a few seconds before replying.

“Because it’s your boyfriend’s birthday?”

“He doesn’t want to dress up so if I do it’d just be weird. Plus my outfit is fashionable.”

“Maybe just the leather jacket.” – Yoongi laughed. – “Why isn’t everyone done?”

“I don’t know, maybe because they change their whole outfit and not just their pants. You’re still wearing the shirt from the performance!” – Taehyung pointed at Yoongi’s shirt.

“I really like it.” – Suga shrugged.

“Hyung, it’s a black T-shirt with probably a hundred holes.”

“It’s fashionably ripped, and I like it.” – He declared unabashedly. – “So do you guys have any plans for the break?”

Taehyung flinched when he heard that word.

“Jeongguk’s going to Busan I think.” – He said and pulled out his phone. – “Aw, there are so many birthday wishes to him on twitter.”

“What about you?” – Yoongi looked at him, unfazed by the distraction.

“Huh? I wished him a happy birthday yesterday.” – Taehyung replied nonchalantly. – “Oh my God even IU-sunbae tweeted happy birthday. He’s gonna be so happy.”

“Taehyung, are you gonna answer me or not?” – Yoongi sighed. – “What are your plans for the break?”

He flinched again; and Yoongi saw it.

“I don’t know yet.” – Taehyung said truthfully.

There was a silence when Suga just looked at him intently. When he spoke, it was with a very light but careful tone.

“Sometimes… it’s good to stay apart for a little bit. We’re always together 24/7 you know. It can be a bit tiring from time to time.”

Not for me, not with him. I can never be tired of him.

But … he is of me.

Taehyung pushed those thought away quickly and put on a convincing smile.

“I know, hyung.” – He agreed, and looked back at his phone.

Thankfully, Suga did not say anything else.

Taehyung had finished his third glass of water. He knew that they were technically free for a month, so he could drink alcohol if he wanted. It was not like he had any plans for tomorrow. But maybe he was still used to the strict eating and drinking schedule that they had during comeback and tour, so he had drunk water all night and nothing else.

Jeongguk had just finished singing his second duet of the night, this time with J-Hope. It sounded surprisingly good and they got a score of 94. Jeongguk sat down right next to Taehyung, their sides pressed together; and after he picked up the songbook, he put his head on Taehyung’s shoulder while flipping through it.

That action was normal enough; and no one said anything about it, but Taehyung still felt an ache in his chest.

“Tae, sing a song with me.” – Jeongguk requested.

“Pick one then.” – Taehyung replied.

He leaned forward to get his water glass as an attempt to get Jeongguk to sit up straight. Jeongguk actually did, but only to get Taehyung’s glass for him and then he put his head back on Taehyung’s shoulder.

“You’re not in love with me right now.”

Taehyung froze when he heard those words. Like him, Jeongguk had been drinking water all night, so there was no way he did not know what he was saying.

And they had never said the l-word to each other before.

“What?”

“I mean, the way we’re… you’re treating me right now makes it seem like you’re not in love with me. I thought we’re gonna pretend we’re still together until tomorrow.” – Jeongguk explained.

“Together” and “in love” mean different things to me. And maybe you shouldn’t have told me until tomorrow. Taehyung bitterly thought He didn’t voice it though, because in some way Jeongguk was right. Taehyung was acting like they were having a fight, right on Jeongguk’s birthday.

“Sorry.” – Taehyung sighed and put his arm around Jeongguk’s shoulder. His other hand reached down and held Jeongguk’s hand in his.

It might have looked like he was overcompensating, but he had been wanting to do this ever since Jeongguk broke up with him last night.

Was “take a break” a code for breaking up?

“I’m the one who should apologize.” – Jeongguk smiled sadly at him and squeezed his hand.

“You already did.” – Taehyung smiled back.

He wondered if his smile was as sad as Jeongguk.

“Let’s sing ‘We Don’t Talk Anymore’!” – Jeongguk pointed at the songbook.

“Didn’t you just cover it?” – Taehyung asked.

“Right.” – Jeongguk nodded. – “Let’s sing ‘Fools’ then. I haven’t done it in a while.”

Jimin was finishing up his song when Taehyung put the number for “Fools” into the machine. He stared at the title and looked at Taehyung and Jeongguk with a puzzled expression:

“It’s your birthday, why are you singing something so sad?”

“I think I only like sad songs.” – Jeongguk laughed and picked up two microphones to hand Taehyung one of them.

“Thank you.” – Taehyung replied and he caught Yoongi looking at him quizzically.

Yoongi was more perceptive than he thought, so Taehyung put his arm around Jeongguk’s waist. Jeongguk stiffened for a brief second before relaxing. Taehyung felt the familiar ache inside his chest, but he told himself that he should enjoy being able to do this while he still could.

They had wanted to hang out in private so they drove themselves to the noraebang bar. Namjoon had wanted to drive them home, but Jin grabbed the keys in his back pocket when Namjoon was distracted by Jin’s hands on him. Jin had seen the leader drinking a beer earlier; so he insisted on being the driver.

Suga and Jimin took the middle seats; and J-Hope, Taehyung, and Jeongguk were at the back of the van.

When Jimin felt like almost everyone had fallen asleep, he turned around.

“Taehyung, is there something wrong with Jeongguk?” – He whispered.

Taehyung blinked.

“What do you mean?” – He carefully asked.

He looked over to Jeongguk. His head was leaning against the window, but every time there was a bump on the road he scrunched his eyebrows briefly. Taehyung leaned over and put Jeongguk’s head on his shoulder instead.

“I don’t know, he just seems a bit sad today?” – Jimin shrugged, still keeping his voice low.

“Maybe he’s just tired.” – Suga turned around as well. – “We’ve been promoting nonstop.”

“Does he get enough sleep?” – Jimin looked at Taehyung and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Why are you like this…” – Taehyung groaned. – “Usually I fall asleep first, so I wouldn’t really know.”

“But like, you guys… leave time for sleeping right?” – Jimin continued.

“Oh my God Jimin are you sure you’re ready for his answer?” – Yoongi put his arm on Jimin’s shoulder and turned him back around. – “I apologize on his behalf.”

“It’s okay hyung.” – Taehyung smiled at Yoongi.

When Yoongi had turned around as well, Taehyung looked down at Jeongguk. In his sleep, Jeongguk had reached out and held the hem of Taehyung’s shirt in his hand. Taehyung saw him shiver so he carefully let Jeongguk’s head fall back onto the headrest and took off his own jacket. Then he reached over and touched Jeongguk’s face.

It was then that the maknae woke up.

He blinked and looked confused when he saw Taehyung’s hand on the side of his face, but he did not make any sign of protest.

“Cold?” – Taehyung asked softly.

Jeongguk just nodded and closed his eyes again, leaning on Taehyung’s shoulder and holding on to Taehyung’s shirt more tightly.

Taehyung chuckled to himself and put his jacket over Jeongguk, who gave him a tiny smile while not opening his eyes. It was so endearing that Taehyung almost burst out the l-word, but he refrained from doing so. It would be so awkward to say I love you to the person who just broke up with him.

Ah, not really breaking up… “on a break” though.

Taehyung still had no idea if they meant the same thing.

For now though, he removed Jeongguk’s hand from the hem of his shirt (it was wrinkled but he could not care right now) and laced their fingers together.

“Jeongguk, we’re home.” – Taehyung moved their joined hands.

Jeongguk stirred once and it took a few seconds for him to open his eyes. He moved his hand to wipe his eyes, but then he realized one of his hands was still intertwined with Taehyung’s.

“Everyone went inside already.” – Taehyung said.

“Where’s your jacket?” – Jeongguk asked curiously.

Taehyung looked down so Jeongguk followed his gaze and realized that the jacket was on him this whole time.

“Sorry.” – He said, although he was sure that Taehyung wouldn’t mind.

“It’s okay.” – Sure enough, Taehyung smiled. – “Let’s go inside, I’m so sleepy.”

“Can I have a piggyback ride?” – Jeongguk asked, and regretted it as soon as the question left his mouth.

Taehyung blinked.

“Sure.” – He let go of Jeongguk’s hand and turned around so that his back was facing Jeongguk. – “Come on. I’ll get out of the car first”

He thought that Jeongguk would say he was kidding. He was trying to convince himself that this was what he would normally do, back when they were still together. And maybe Jeongguk thought that everyone would think like this as well, because Taehyung always took care of Jeongguk.

He stepped out of the car and waited. Then he felt a familiar pair of arms on his shoulder and Jeongguk’s weight on his back. It made him happy and sad at the same time. How Jeongguk managed to bring out so many conflicting emotions out of him, he had no idea.

“You’re wearing my jacket.” – Taehyung remarked when he saw the familiar leather sleeves around him.

“It’s warm.” – Jeongguk replied and put his legs around Taehyung’s middle. – “Ah, it’s September. Why is it so cold already?”

Taehyung laughed at Jeongguk’s complaints. Usually when he was sleepy, everything became an inconvenience to him. One time he even complained about the blanket being too thick that he could not sleep well on a hot night.

Taehyung reached down and put his hands under Jeongguk’s knees to lift them up. Luckily there were no fans or paparazzi waiting for the on the way to the door of the building. Taehyung had no energy to deal with them right now. He quickly carried Jeongguk inside and to the elevators.

“Taehyung!”

While he was waiting for the elevator, he heard his name being called so he turned around to see Hyungsik smiling at him. They lived a floor apart so sometimes they bumped into each other.

“Hi hyung.” – Taehyung greeted. – “You just got back as well?”

“Yeah.” – Hyungsik nodded. – “I actually saw you outside but you walked pretty fast for a guy who’s carrying another person on his back.”

The elevator door opened and Hyungsik gestured for Taehyung to come in first.

“Thank you.” – Taehyung said when Hyungsik pressed the floor buttons for both of them.

“It’s Jeongguk’s birthday today right?”

“How do you know?” – Taehyung asked, surprise in his tone.

“I followed your twitter account back when we were filming Hwarang, Taehyung-ah.” – Hyungsik laughed. – “I saw the picture yesterday.”

Taehyung felt Jeongguk shifting on his back and his hands instinctively tightened under Jeongguk’s knees.

“I’ll get going now. It’s nice to see you hyung.” – Taehyung said when the elevator stopped at his floor.

“Wait, Taehyung-ah. Are you free any time soon?” – Hyungsik put his hand on the elevator door to keep it open. – “We haven’t hung out in a while.”

Taehyung paused for a few seconds before answering:

“I’m free tomorrow.”

“I’ll text you then.” – Hyungsik smiled and waved his hand. – “Sleep tight, see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, hyung.” – Taehyung smiled back and waited until the door closed before walking away.

“You’re hanging out with him tomorrow?”

Jeongguk’s voice startled him so much that Taehyung almost dropped him.

“You scared me.” – Taehyung sighed. – “Wait, you weren’t asleep? Why am I carrying you then…” – He complained, but mostly to himself, though. He never needed a reason to get close to Jeongguk.

“You’re hanging out with him tomorrow?” – Jeongguk repeated.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen Hyungsik-hyung in a while.” – Taehyung nodded and kept walking down the hallway.

He reached the door handle of their apartment and pulled down. It was unlocked; and Taehyung was so glad. He did not have the keys on him.

“Close the door.” – He stopped when he was inside the apartment so Jeongguk could close it. – “Are we going to the bedroom?”

“Aw, are you giving me my birthday gift?” – Jeongguk asked suggestively.

Something twisted in Taehyung’s stomach. Part of the reason was the way Jeongguk was talking, because it seemed like they were fine. And the other reason was because he did have another present for Jeongguk, but he could not give it to him anymore.

“I already gave you your present.” – Taehyung replied and headed toward their bedroom. – “Hey, turn off the lights. I think everyone’s gone to bed already.”

“Why are you ordering me around?” – Jeongguk complained again, but he still flicked the light switch as Taehyung said. – “I just want to sleep.”

“Are you sure? Because you weren’t sleeping when I was carrying you from the car.” – Taehyung sighed.

The door opened as they were walking by Namjoon and Jin’s bedroom.

“Aw, look at you guys being all cute.” – Jin cooed.

“Hyung, can you open the door for me?” – Taehyung completely ignored that and just gestured at his own door. – “My hands are numb right now.”

“Are you calling me heavy?” – Jeongguk kicked his legs and Taehyung struggled to keep balance.

“Hey, be nice to me or I’ll drop you.” – Taehyung warned.

Jin thankfully opened their door for them and he was hiding his laughter when Taehyung and Jeongguk walked in.

“Hyung why are you laughing at my misery?” – Taehyung looked at him.

“Because, Taehyung, you could have dropped him down a long time ago.” – Jin replied and stepped out. – “Good night kids.”

Jin closed the door for them as well. Taehyung walked to Jeongguk’s bed and sat down before removing his hands from Jeongguk’s knees. Then he stood up and stretched.

“Does your back hurt?” – Jeongguk immediately asked.

“You’re not that heavy.” – Taehyung said without turning around. – “It’s just a long walk from the car to the elevator to the apartment to our bedroom, especially if one has to carry someone else around one’s weight.”

“Hyung, I’m heavier than you.” – Jeongguk countered.

“Sure.” – He yawned and stretched. – “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

He could feel Jeongguk staring at him so he walked out of the room as quick as he could.

Taehyung had no idea what he was expecting, but it certainly was not what greeted him when he came back from his shower. Jeongguk was not in his own bed but he was curled up in Taehyung’s bed, sleeping.

Before he could do something drastic (like climbing into bed with Jeongguk, kissing Jeongguk, or something even worse, like declaring his love for Jeongguk), he patted Jeongguk’s head a few times to wake him up.

“Hey, go wash up. Bathroom’s free now.”

Jeongguk stirred and turned his face toward the pillow, away from Taehyung.

“Seriously, get up!” – Taehyung poked his ribs lightly. – “You’re gonna hate yourself in the morning if you don’t take a shower now.”

“I’m trying to sleep here.” – Jeongguk groaned. – “Please stop talking and get in bed already, Tae.”

Taehyung’s hand froze in the middle of touching Jeongguk. He stared at the younger but could not see his face at all.

“I’m gonna count to three. If you’re not up then I will tickle you.” – Taehyung ignored that and declared. – “One. Two.”

Jeongguk had not moved at all.

“Two and a half.” – He leaned in and placed both of his hands on Jeongguk’s hip. – “I think the hyungs and Jimin will get really mad if you wake them up. Maybe Suga-hyung will storm in here and hit you or something.”

“Two and three quarters.” – Taehyung wiggled his fingers slightly.

Jeongguk’s hands came up and rested on top of his.

“Okay okay I’m up.” – Jeongguk sighed exasperatedly. – “Why are you treating me like this?”

“You say this every night.” – Taehyung laughed. – “Go take a shower.”

Jeongguk pouted and looked at him with the puppy eyes; and in any other situation it would have worked. But it had never worked when Jeongguk was feeling lazy and not wanting to take a shower at night.

“I hate you.” – Jeongguk sighed and released Taehyung’s hands to get out of bed.

Taehyung laughed at this. He knew that Jeongguk would soon change his mind and thank Taehyung when he got back from the shower later.

“I love you too.” – Taehyung murmured.

He saw Jeongguk stop on his tracks and mentally cursed himself. It was meant as a joke, but he was sure that they were not, or no longer, at the state where they could joke about that word right now.

Before he could do something else that he regretted, Taehyung pulled the blanket over his head and lied down on the bed.

“I’ll be going to sleep first. Good night.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. He wished that he would just fall asleep already.

“Good night, Tae.”

Jeongguk’s voice was so soft that Taehyung was surprised more than startled that he was still there.

Something was moving his cover so Taehyung grabbed onto it more tightly. Then the cover was pulled again so he opened his eyes.

“Scoot over.”

He felt hands on his back pushing him toward the wall. He just grumbled but moved anyway. Then Jeongguk’s scent filled his nostrils and the familiar pair of arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

“What are you doing?” – Taehyung asked, but it was clear to both of them that he made no move to push Jeongguk away.

“I sleep better with you next to me.” – Jeongguk murmured to Taehyung’s shoulder.

“What are you gonna do during the break then?” – Taehyung wondered.

He didn’t expect an answer from Jeongguk, but he got one anyway.

“I haven’t thought about it yet.”

Taehyung sighed and turned around to put his arms around Jeongguk. He pulled Jeongguk closer and rested his head on Jeongguk’s chest.

“I’m gonna miss you.” – He whispered.

He wanted to say so much more. He also wanted to give Jeongguk the other present that he had prepared for him.

But it would be strange to give him a promise ring right now.

“I’ll miss you too. I just need a little time for myself to sort out my thoughts and feelings.” – Jeongguk kissed the top of his head. – “This doesn’t mean…”

Taehyung held his breath. But the rest of the sentence never came. Instead Jeongguk just pressed light kisses on his cheek.

Taehyung sighed and snuggled deeper into the crook of Jeongguk’s neck. He pressed a kiss there as well, careful not to leave a mark.

“What time are you leaving tomorrow for Busan?”

“In the afternoon, why?” – Jeongguk asked.

“Just wondering.” – Taehyung replied. – “Good night, Jeongguk-ah. Happy birthday again.”

“Thank you, today was really fun. And thank you for the presents.” – Jeongguk smiled down at him.

“Presents?” – Taehyung leaned his head back to look at Jeongguk and raised his eyebrows, a little panic made its way to his voice.

He didn’t accidentally give Jeongguk the ring right?

“The book and the card with the bunny.” – Jeongguk answered, surprised by Taehyung’s expression. – “Did… did you get me something else?”

Jeongguk’s arms were still around Taehyung’s waist. It was so nice and comfortable.

Taehyung would miss this very much.

“No.” – He shook his head and mirrored Jeongguk’s smile.

Something about his expression must have given it away, because Jeongguk was still staring at him intently. He sighed and cupped Jeongguk’s face. He could see Jeongguk’s fluttering eyelashes and the surprise in his eyes at Taehyung’s action. Was this not okay?

Taehyung did not know what was allowed and what was not anymore. But before he could decide what to do next, Jeongguk leaned in and pressed their lips together; a sigh escaped his mouth when their lips met.

Taehyung had no idea how he could have gone out that long without kissing Jeongguk, although it had only been a day.

“We probably need to talk tomorrow.” – Jeongguk said when he pulled away.

“Probably.” – Taehyung nodded and leaned in to kiss him again.

As soon as Taehyung woke up, he was enveloped in Jeongguk’s scent. It was a very pleasant way to wake up except that Jeongguk’s hair was in his nose. He pushed the hair down and out of habit, leaned in to press a kiss on Jeongguk’s forehead.

“Hyung, I need to go to the bathroom.” – Jeongguk pushed him away and moved to sit up. – “What time is it? Did we even set an alarm last night?”

“How can you be so chirpy in the morning?” – Taehyung grumbled and let him go anyway.

He turned toward the wall and pulled the blanket up over his head. Why did they need to wake up? They were on a break…

Oh right.

He groaned and reached around for his phone under the blanket. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder and the blanket was pushed down.

“Here you go.” – Jeongguk handed him his cellphone.

“Thank you.” – Taehyung grabbed it and it started vibrating. – “Who’s calling me this early?”

It was a rhetorical question, so he didn’t expect Jeongguk to grab the phone from his hand. When Taehyung resisted, Jeongguk put his hand into Taehyung’s grasp instead. Taehyung squeezed it and tried not to think too much about yesterday. He felt happy when Jeongguk squeezed back.

And then Jeongguk stopped.

“It’s Hyungsik-sunbae.”

He took his hand out of Taehyung’s hand and pressed the phone back instead.

“Hi hyung.” – Taehyung answered the phone.

“Taehyung, do you still want to hang out today?”

“Yeah of course.” – Taehyung pulled the blanket tighter around him. – “I’m free in the late afternoon and at night.”

“How about at six then? We can grab dinner and then hang out afterwards.”

“Yeah, six is good. I’ll call you later, hyung.”

Taehyung sat up and pushed the blanket away. He was startled when he saw Jeongguk still in the room.

“You scared me.” – He clutched his chest. – “I thought you said you have to go to the bathroom?”

Jeongguk stared at him and nodded.

“I do.” – He replied. – “You’re hanging out with him today?”

“Yeah. I thought you knew? It’s not until six though so…”

I can still spend time with you before you leave.

“Do you want to have breakfast together then?” – Jeongguk asked. – “I want to eat kimbap.”

“Sure.” – Taehyung nodded easily. – “Are we the only ones here right now?”

“It’s eleven am already hyung.” – Jeongguk smiled and patted Taehyung’s head. – “Everyone probably left already. They’re all going back home today.”

Yesterday when they were having dinner together, the members said that the first thing they wanted to do when the break started would be to go back home. And when they asked Taehyung what he was gonna do, he only said “I’m going to sleep” and nothing more specific than that.

“That’s right, we talked about that yesterday. Anyway, you go get ready first.”

“Don’t go back to sleep.” – Jeongguk warned. – “I’m really hungry and so I need to eat before I leave.”

“I won’t go back to sleep, don’t worry. I’ll take you to the station later.” – Taehyung stretched and got out of bed.

Jeongguk was still not moving.

“Hey, go get ready.” – Taehyung kicked his leg lightly. – “We have to eat and then talk.”

Jeongguk’s face fell a little at that.

“Do we really have to?” – He scratched his head.

“Yesterday you said you wanted to so we’ll talk after breakfast.” – Taehyung stated. – “Hurry up.”

After the kimbap was delivered, they brought the boxes to the kitchen and placed them on the dining table.

“Are you going home?” – Jeongguk asked when they were eating.

“I don’t know yet.” – Taehyung replied without looking at him. – “Maybe in a week, my family’s on vacation right now.”

“Really? Where are they?”

“Hawaii.” – Taehyung said. – “They’re coming back in three days so I’ll probably visit them later.”

“Are you… gonna be at the apartment until then?”

Taehyung stopped eating and looked up at Jeongguk. The question was genuine, but Taehyung didn’t know why they were talking about that right now.

“Yeah, I’ll be here. Where else would I stay in Seoul?” – Taehyung answered him with a question.

Jeongguk nodded and that and resumed eating.

“You know we have to talk about it eventually.” – Taehyung sighed and looked at Jeongguk from across the sofa.

They had finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, but Jeongguk had not said anything for a while.

“It was a mistake.” – Jeongguk blurted out.

“Which part?” – Taehyung knitted his eyebrows. – “There were a lot of mixed signals, so I just want to clarify.”

“The kissing part. I’m sorry if it made things even more confusing.” – Jeongguk replied timidly.

Taehyung smiled at that. Sometimes he forgot how young Jeongguk was.

“That’s okay. Was that the only mistake?”

Jeongguk seemed to be deep in thought. A long silence stretched out between them before he answered Taehyung’s question.

“I don’t know… if I should have waited until today to tell you that I want us to bre… be on a break.”

“I think it would be worse.” – Taehyung said softly and tried to ignore that he had almost heard the word “break up” in Jeongguk’s response. – “I would feel even worse because you would have lied to me on your birthday. Plus I would have been my usual clingy self when you didn’t really want that anymore, so it’s good that you told me when you did.”

Jeongguk stared at him and blinked a few times.

“You’re not clingy.” – He responded. – “You’re affectionate.”

Taehyung smiled at him.

Even in this moment, Jeongguk was still trying to comfort Taehyung.

“Right now, I don’t know what I feel. And it wouldn’t be fair to you to be with me when I’m like this, that’s why I want us to be on a break. It’s not… it’s not a breakup.” – Jeongguk explained. – “Not to me, that is. I just want to sort out my feelings. But if… if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I totally understand and…”

“I love you.” – Taehyung cut in.

He couldn’t hold those words in any longer.

“I know it’s the first time I’ve said it, and I know it seems like I’m trying to make you stay, but I’m not.” – Taehyung looked at him intently. – “I love you, so of course I want to be with you. But your feelings are very important, so take all the time you need. I’ll be here. If you come back, I’ll be really happy. But if you don’t… that’s fine too.”

He saw tears in Jeongguk’s eyes and quickly scooted over and held him close. It always hurt to see Jeongguk crying.

“You’re still being so nice to me.” – Jeongguk wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s back and pulled him closer.

“I’m always nice.” – Taehyung tried to lighten up the mood and patted Jeongguk’s shoulder lightly. – “We should head to the station now, it’s almost twelve.”

“I can call someone to drive me to the station, you don’t have to go.” – Jeongguk murmured to the crook of his neck. – “Stay like this a little longer.”

Jeongguk was still crying because Taehyung could feel his shirt getting damper.

“I’ll drive you. I don’t have anything to do until later anyway.” – Taehyung stroked his hair and murmured.

The truth was, he did not want to say goodbye to Jeongguk just yet.

However, the moment had to come eventually. And so Taehyung drove Jeongguk to the train station, parked the car in the garage, and did not know how to let him go.

“Tell your family I said hi.” – He turned to Jeongguk, who was looking down at his own hands.

“Okay.” – He nodded.

“Try to get a lot of sleep, it’s rare to have breaks like this.” – Taehyung continued.

“Okay.” – Jeongguk repeated.

“It’s twelve forty-five now.” – Taehyung looked down at his watch.

Jeongguk sighed and looked over at Taehyung without saying anything for a long time. Taehyung could feel the intensity of the gaze, but he kept his eyes pointedly on his watch instead.

“Stay safe. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” – Taehyung went on. – “And please eat. You always get so thin once the tour starts.”

“Okay.” – Jeongguk was still looking at him.

Taehyung held back a sigh. He felt like Jeongguk wanted to say something else to him instead of the monosyllabic answer, but it had been a while since they arrived, and Jeongguk still had not said anything other than “okay.”

What were they even doing anyway? This was not the goodbye Taehyung had envisioned at all. He had thought that once the break (of the band) started, he and Jeongguk would go to Busan and Daegu, and maybe to some other places for a well-deserved vacation. It would not matter where they went, as long as they were together. So actually, he did not know what to say to Jeongguk in this situation, because he had never thought that it would happen.

“You should go. It’s ten to one.” – Taehyung finally looked over at Jeongguk and regretted it almost instantly.

It felt like this was the last time he would see Jeongguk in a while.

“Tae.” – Jeongguk said his name.

It was a simple syllable, but Taehyung felt like there were so many emotions in Jeongguk’s tone.

Taehyung wished he could name them.

“I’ll see you soon, Jeongguk-ah.” – He tried to smile, but he knew that Jeongguk could tell it was not a real smile.

Jeongguk’s eyes were watery.

“Why do I always make you cry?” – Taehyung grimaced and took Jeongguk’s hands in his.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” – Jeongguk hiccupped.

“That’s a classic breakup line.” – Taehyung joked.

Jeongguk squeezed his hands.

“It’s not a breakup.” – Jeongguk said with sincerity in his voice. – “Tae, it’s not a breakup.”

Taehyung really wished that he could believe him.

“Good bye, Jeongguk-ah. Please take care of yourself.” – Taehyung took his hands back and ruffled Jeongguk’s hair.

Jeongguk looked at him for a few seconds, then down at his now empty hands, and opened the door.

And then he sat back and closed it again.

“Why does it sound like you’re breaking up with me?” – He looked at Taehyung with pleading eyes.

“It’s not.” – Taehyung shook his head. – “I could never break up with you. I’m just giving you space, since we’re on a break.”

Jeongguk blinked a few times.

“It’s not a breakup, Tae.” – He assured him again. – “I’ll get going now. I’ll text you when I arrive.”

“Okay.” – Taehyung nodded. – “Have fun.”

He managed to give Jeongguk a convincing smile this time, because Jeongguk smiled back and stepped out of the car.

Taehyung felt his face fall when Jeongguk walked away. He wanted to go after him, maybe give him a hug and a proper goodbye kiss, because this felt like they were done for good. He bit his lips so hard he tasted blood, but the tears still came.

So he didn’t realize Jeongguk was back until the he heard the sound of the passenger door being opened. Jeongguk got back in the car and he looked so determined, until he saw Taehyung’s tear-streaked face.

“Tae.” – He sounded so heartbroken and surprised.

“You’re gonna miss the train.” – Taehyung wiped away his tears quickly.

Damn it why did he have to cry in this situation?

“Why are you talking about the train right now, hyung?” – Jeongguk asked him, a pained expression on his face.

“I don’t know.” – Taehyung tried to laugh; and then remembered that his lower lips was bleeding.

“Tae.” – Jeongguk reached up and touched Taehyung’s cheek, tears in his eyes as well. – “What’s wrong?”

“Why did you come back?” – Taehyung asked.

“Why are you crying?” – Jeongguk countered.

“You’re crying too.” – Taehyung pointed at him. – “You’re gonna miss the train, so hurry up and go.”

Jeongguk smiled sadly at him and touched Taehyung’s lips as well.

“I don’t want to leave like this.” – He confessed. – “I checked and there’s another train leaving at 1:30, so I’ll take that one instead.”

Taehyung opened the glove compartment and took out a box of tissues. He handed Jeongguk one and took one himself.

“Why are you crying?” – They both asked at the same time.

“You go first.” – Jeongguk sighed and gently wiped the blood at Taehyung’s lower lip. – “This is my first time seeing you cry. Do you always bite your lips when you cry, Tae?”

“I’ll miss you.” – Taehyung simply stated. – “That’s why.”

Jeongguk looked like he did not believe him.

“We go on tour next month, you’ll be seeing me every day then.”

Taehyung nodded at that. Why did his chest ache again?

“And you?” – He asked.

“I don’t know.” – Jeongguk shook his head. – “I stopped crying once I left, and then I came back and saw you crying so I just…”

“I think I understand why you want a break, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung suddenly said.

“Really? Why? Because I’m not sure I understand it myself.” – Jeongguk blinked.

“We see each other every day, we spend the majority of our time together. So it might get… suffocating.” – Taehyung explained. – “And I think you came back just now because we’re not gonna see each other for a while, and maybe you’re not used to that yet. But you’ll like it, I think.”

“Like what?” – Jeongguk asked quietly.

“Not spending every minute of your day with me.” – Taehyung replied.

“I told you, it’s not a breakup.” – Jeongguk pleaded.

“I know.” – Taehyung nodded to reassure him. – “Just a pause in the relationship.”

Jeongguk looked at Taehyung liked he had hung the moon and stars. He was grateful that Taehyung was such a wonderful boyfr… person.

“We can always unpause it later, right?” – Jeongguk asked.

“Anytime you want to.” – Taehyung nodded. – “Now go, I don’t want you to miss the next train as well. Text me when you arrive.”

“Okay.” – Jeongguk smiled warmly at him. – “I’ll get going then. Drive safely, Tae.”

“Bye, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung waved when Jeongguk got out of the car.

On the drive back, Taehyung felt lonely more than ever.

Taehyung took a sip of his soda and turned his attention back to the screen. After dinner, Hyungsik and him went to see the latest horror movie. It had been a while since Taehyung came to the movie theater, so he bought them the biggest size of popcorn and sodas. It had seemed like a good decision, but he was now afraid he might have a sugar-high later.

His phone vibrated, but he ignored it.

“Do you feel like American horror movies have gotten better?” – Hyungsik leaned in and whispered.

“Yeah, but to me, Korean and Japanese horror movies are the best though.” – Taehyung replied.

His phone vibrated again.

“Hyung, I’m gonna go check my phone really quick.” – He tapped Hyungsik’s shoulder and stood up to step outside of the theater.

He thought that Jeongguk would text him once he arrived (like he promised) but the text never came. All the texts he had now gotten were from Jimin.

“Taehyung, what are you doing??”

“Does Jeongguk know you’re on a date?? Is that why he’s drinking so much?”

“Taehyung, call me when you read these messages. Why are you on a date with Hyungsik-sunbae?”

Taehyung blinked in confusion. Date? What date?

He called Jimin just in case.

“Taehyung.” – Jimin picked up after the first ring.

“It’s not a date, it’s a hangout. And Jeongguk knows about it.” – Taehyung explained. – “Why do you think it’s a date anyway?”

“Because of the picture of you guys on twitter.” – Jimin sighed. – “Anyway, sorry for overreacting. It’s just that… Jeongguk has been looking a bit sad since dinner; and he started drinking more when he saw the picture, so.”

When they were eating earlier, some fans recognized them and asked for a picture. Taehyung did not expect that it would be posted on twitter that fast though.

“You guys had dinner together, that’s nice.” – He replied.

“Yoongi-hyung is here as well, so it’s not like the two of us had dinner on our own. Which reminds me, why aren’t you in Busan right now?”

Taehyung did not know how to answer that question.

“Yoongi-hyung came back with me. Why didn’t you go with Jeongguk? I thought that this break would be a good time to relax or travel together.”

Taehyung still did not know what to say.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I was just curious. Anyway, how’s Hyungsik-sunbae? I haven’t spoken to him since he went to our concert last time.”

“He’s doing well. We’re watching a movie right now.” – Taehyung quickly responded. This he knew how to answer.

Jimin was the one who paused this time.

“Is is a horror movie?” – Jimin asked curiously.

“You know me so well.” – Taehyung laughed. – “Uhm, is Jeongguk there?”

“Yep. Hold on, I’ll give him the phone.” – Jimin said softly.

And then Taehyung heard shuffling sounds, and although Jimin’s voice was soft, he could still hear something like “he wants to talk to you” and “damn it Jeongguk get on the phone right now or I will hit you.”

“Hyung.” – Jeongguk grumbled.

“Did you arrive safely?” – Taehyung asked and realized that his voice was so much softer when he talked to Jeongguk.

“Yes.” – Jeongguk answered. – “Got here at around five; and then I went to Jimin’s house to hang out with him and Suga.”

“Sounds fun.” – Taehyung commented. – “Well, I just wanted to check on you.”

“Okay. I’ll get back to dinner now.”

“Take care of yourself.” – Taehyung said.

“I’m not a kid, hyung. You don’t have to treat me like one.” – Jeongguk sighed.

Taehyung was silent for a few seconds. Again, he did not know how to respond to that.

“I know.” – He settled for that reply. – “Right, I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Bye hyung.” – Jeongguk said and hung up.

Taehyung stared at the black screen of his phone for a while before going back inside the theater.

The next week passed by in a blur. Taehyung stayed at the apartment and hung out with anyone who wanted to hang out with him. He talked to everyone in BTS, except for Jeongguk, who had not responded to even one of his text messages. Talking on the phone was out of the question. He wondered if this radio silence was part of “taking a break” as well.

He tried not to think too much about the relationship (was there even one anymore?), about the small box in his desk drawer or just about Jeongguk in general. Lately it always hurt when his he thought about Jeongguk.

He knew that Jeongguk was still in Busan because Yoongi texted him every time Jeongguk came over and hung out with him and Jimin. So far Taehyung had received around four of those texts over the last week, which made him think that the only thing that Jeongguk had to get away from was Taehyung, because Jeongguk seemed fine hanging out with the other members.

He was currently going through the texts he had sent Jeongguk. Although he had told himself that maybe this break was a good thing for them, he still missed Jeongguk a lot; and it did not help that Jeongguk had basically ignored him.

His phone vibrated and he dropped it in surprise. Thanks to the carpet flooring, nothing happened. He looked at the phone and felt his heart beating faster when Jeongguk’s name was on the screen.

“Jeongguk-ah.” – He answered almost immediately.

“Hyung.” – Jeongguk laughed. – “Hi hyung.”

Taehyung looked at the screen once more to make sure that it was really Jeongguk who was calling him.

“Jeongguk, are you drunk?” – He asked curiously.

“A little.” – Jeongguk giggled; and Taehyung automatically smiled.

He had missed this sound so much.

He had missed Jeongguk’s voice so much.

“Are you at home?” – He softly asked. – “You’re not alone right?”

“I’m home. Jiminie and Suga-hyung are here.” – Jeongguk replied.

Taehyung heard another voice that said, “This kid, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s Jimin-hyung. I’m your hyung.”

“Okay that’s good.” – Taehyung smiled again. – “It’s good that they’re with you. I mean… not that I’m prying or anything… actually you might think I’m prying, I’m really not… I just don’t think you should drink by yourself at a bar or a club or something…” – Taehyung trailed off. He realized that he was rambling.

He had not talked to Jeongguk in a week, and he decided to ramble on?

Jeongguk giggled again; and Taehyung realized that he would give up everything to be next to Jeongguk right now.

“Tae.” – Jeongguk sighed softly. – “Tae, I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” – Taehyung replied right away. – “Although it’s only been a week.”

“It felt longer.” – Jeongguk confessed.

“Maybe answer my phone calls and texts?” – Taehyung suggested. – “That way we’re still talking to each other.”

“It makes it harder for me.” – Jeongguk sighed. – “If I talk to you, then I just want to come back to you.”

Taehyung almost screamed, “Then just come back to me!” but he stopped himself just in time. He had to think about Jeongguk’s feelings first.

“So why are you talking to me now?” – Taehyung asked.

“Because I’m drunk?” – Jeongguk said in an uncertain voice. – “I don’t know, I thought that I wouldn’t miss you as much if I’m drunk, but I was wrong. But at least Yoongi-hyung and Jiminie are with me!”

Jeongguk’s voice became louder at that last part; and Taehyung heard Jimin’s grumbles and Jeongguk was yelping a second later.

“Hi Taehyung. It’s Yoongi-hyung. Jeongguk needs a minute before he can continue talking to you. Jimin just elbowed him.”

“Hi hyung.” – Taehyung laughed. – “It’s okay. How are you?”

“I texted you a couple of hours ago, why are you talking as if we haven’t been in contact?” – Suga sighed.

“Thanks for texting me, by the way.” – Taehyung said gratefully.

“I’ve been there, kiddo.” – Yoongi said sympathetically. – “Oh, our boyfriends are done fighting. I’ll give the phone back to yours now.”

Before Taehyung could reply, he heard Jeongguk’s giggle again on the phone.

“Tae, Jiminie hit me.” – Jeongguk said proudly. – “I think I scratched my elbow.”

“Are you okay?” – Taehyung asked immediately. – “Wash it and put on a bandage if you need to.”

“I’ll check in the morning. Tae, I’m sleepy now.”

“Go to bed then.” – Taehyung smiled. He had been smiling a lot since talking to Jeongguk. – “Let’s talk later.”

“When are you going back home?” – Jeongguk asked.

“The day after tomorrow.” – Taehyung replied. – “I’ll probably stay there until we have to go back.”

There was a pause before Jeongguk answered.

“I see. I hope you’ll have fun.”

“Thanks. Can we… keep in touch please? It feels strange not talking to you. I mean… we don’t have to talk on the phone, but like, answer my texts sometimes, Jeongguk-ah.”

“It hurts.” – Jeongguk whispered.

“Your elbow? Are you bleeding? Go wash it and put a bandage on.” – Taehyung repeated.

“No, it hurts when I see your name on my phone. I don’t know why yet.” – Jeongguk said, puzzled. – “I’ll figure it out later. But I’ll try to respond to you, I promise.”

“Okay then.” – Taehyung replied. – “That’s good enough for me. Wash your elbow.”

“I got it. I’ll talk to you later, hyung.”

“Bye, Jeongguk-ah.”

“Taehyung, it’s Jimin.”

“I know. I actually saved your number, Jimin-ah.” – Taehyung laughed. – “You’re still in Busan right? How’s everything?”

“That’s not important right now. I have to tell you something.” – Jimin said, impatience laced in his tone.

“What is it?”

“I hung out with Jeongguk last night.”

“Okay.”

“I had a fight with Yoongi-hyung so I called Jeongguk over to rant, and we drank.”

Taehyung could hear the guilt in Jimin’s voice.

“Jimin-ah, that’s okay. We don’t have promos or concerts right now, it’s fine if you guys drink.”

“We kissed.”

Jimin’s voice was barely a whisper, but Taehyung still felt like that confession was screamed at him.

“Taehyung, I’m so sorry. I was drunk, we were both drunk. It didn’t mean anything. He left right afterwards and I was guilty so I called Yoongi-hyung and explained the whole thing. I tried calling you last night too.”

“Ah, I was out.” – Taehyung said.

“I’m really sorry, Taehyung. It didn’t mean anything, I swear. I’m in love with Yoongi-hyung and I know that Jeongguk’s with you and I didn’t mean to, I swear.”

Taehyung took a deep breath and tried to sort out his emotions. He did not know what he was feeling anymore.

“You talked to Yoongi-hyung already? How did he take it?”

“He called me an idiot and said that we need to communicate better. And then he was mad for a few minutes but we’re okay now. Taehyung, I’m sorry. You and Jeongguk both mean a lot to me, and I would never do anything to … ”

“… It’s okay.” – Taehyung cut him off. – “Jimin-ah, it’s okay. Thank you for telling me. You’re a good friend.”

“I promise I will never drink that much again. Please forgive me, Taehyung.”

“I forgive you.” – Taehyung agreed easily.

“Has Jeongguk talked to you? He hasn’t been picking up his phone.” – Jimin asked.

Taehyung paused. He wondered if this helped Jeongguk sort out his feelings or made him even more confused.

“He hasn’t.” – Taehyung said. – “I’ll call him later.”

“Please tell him I’m sorry. I texted him that too but he didn’t answer me either.” – Jimin sighed.

“If I can reach him, I’ll tell him that.” – Taehyung assured him. – “It’s okay, Jimin. You mean a lot to me; and I don’t think it’s an easy decision to make, but thank you for telling me.”

“How can I possibly keep this from you, Taehyung? You’re my best friend.” – Jimin sighed again. – “Ah, Yoongi-hyung is calling me right now, so I’ll talk to you later okay? I’m really sorry again, Taehyung-ah.”

“It’s okay. Bye, Jiminie.”

Taehyung hung up and checked his phone. There had not been any messages or calls from Jeongguk last night.

He sighed and began typing.

“Jeongguk-ah, Jimin told me what happened. Are you okay?”

“He apologized to both of us. He said he called and texted you but you didn’t answer.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay. You can talk to me if you want to.”

He wondered if it was a good idea sending multiple messages at once since Jeongguk was less likely to answer them all. For that reason, he was surprised when the words Read 10:26 appeared underneath his texts.

And then Jeongguk called him.

“Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung picked up immediately.

“Hyung, what am I supposed to do now?” – Jeongguk sounded so lost. – “I thought that it was a crush, and then…”

That was news to Taehyung. He had thought that Jeongguk would have confessed, because he was never good at hiding his feelings.

“I don’t know… how… how do you feel now?” – Taehyung asked cautiously.

“When we hung out together, I could definitely tell that Jiminie is in love with Yoongi-hyung though, so I didn’t tell him. But last night they fought, and I wanted to comfort him, and then the kiss happened.” – Jeongguk sighed. – “I’m really sorry, Tae.”

“We’re on a break, Jeongguk.” – Taehyung forced himself to say. – “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I don’t have feelings for Jimin-hyung.” – Jeongguk confessed. – “When the kiss happened, I thought of you.”

Taehyung did not know if he had heard him correctly. This sounded like a declaration of something important. He was afraid to ask Jeongguk about it though, because maybe he was just imagining it.

“When you and Jimin kissed, you thought of me?” – He repeated carefully.

“Yeah.” – Jeongguk admitted again. – “I wished that I was kissing you.”

Taehyung blinked. There was no way he could have misheard or imagined this sentence.

“So…” – Taehyung started, but he had no idea what he should say.

“Tae, can I come visit you tomorrow?” – Jeongguk asked hesitantly. – “I want to see you.”

“I mean… we can facetime if you want?” – Taehyung suggested, and mentally cursed himself. Jeongguk just said that he wanted to see him, and he thought about facetime? – “Yes you can visit me tomorrow.” – He added.

“Okay.” – Jeongguk’s voice was a lot happier. – “I’ll be there tomorrow. We’ll talk more then.”

“Sounds good.” – Taehyung replied. – “Let me know when you arrive at the station and I’ll come pick you up.”

“I can take a cab, hyung.” – Jeongguk laughed cheerily.

“I know, but I want to pick you up.” – Taehyung responded.

And then Jeongguk proceeded to sing “Pick Me”; and honestly, Taehyung had not laughed that hard in a long time.

“I’m gonna go to sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow, Tae.” – Jeongguk said when he finished singing the chorus.

“Good night, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung said. – “Can’t wait to see you.”

“If you wait a little bit more…” – Jeongguk sang again.

“Don’t sing our own song to me.” – Taehyung complained halfheartedly. – “Go to sleep. Text me before you leave tomorrow too.”

Taehyung woke up early the next day and felt happier than he had felt in a long time. Jeongguk texted him that we would get to the station at 9:30 am, but Taehyung was already awake at 8. Just the thought of seeing Jeongguk again made him feel warm inside. He wondered what he restaurant they should eat at when they finally met up and what places he should take Jeongguk to in Daegu. And then he got excited so he decided that he might as well go to the station and wait for Jeongguk.

“Hyung, I might arrive a bit earlier, like 9:20? Just let me know where you park and I’ll go straight there, just in case there’re fans or paparazzi.”

He smiled when he got that text from Jeongguk. His boyfriend was always so careful and considerate.

Wait, were they back together now? Taehyung still had no idea, but he knew that he was fine with whatever Jeongguk decided to do.

So he went to the station, texted Jeongguk where he parked, and waited. A few moments later, Jeongguk told him that he had just arrived. Taehyung went on twitter to see if anyone had posted pictures of Jeongguk, and was relieved when there had not been any pictures just yet.

His phone vibrated as he received a text from Jeongguk.

“I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Taehyung wanted to text back something like “I’m counting the seconds” or “can’t wait to see you” because those words indicated how he was feeling. But he stopped himself.

His phone vibrated again. He thought Jeongguk had sent him another text but when he looked at the screen, it was actually a call from Jihan.

“Hi hyung!” – He greeted happily.

“Taehyung-ah, I miss you! How have you been?”

“I’m doing well. I’m actually back home right now, our group has a mini-break.” – He mentioned. – “What about you?”

“I’m filming another drama next month so I’ve just been memorizing lines. When does your break end?”

“In about two weeks. Why, hyung?” – Taehyung asked curiously. – “If you want to hang out, I have time. I’ll probably come back to Seoul soon.”

He had not seen Jihan for a while. Last week when he was still in Seoul, he had hung out with almost everyone from Hwarang except Jihan, who had been busy.

“I’m going to America next week for a couple of festivals in Las Vegas.” – Jihan sighed. – “Wait, Taehyung, do you want to go with hyung? I didn’t get to see you last time so this can be a nice time to catch up. Hyungsik is going as well.”

Taehyung paused for a few moments. It had been a long time since he went to America; and he had never been to Las Vegas before.

“We’ll also stop at Los Angeles; and then we’ll spend a day in San Francisco before going home.” – Jihan continued.

“It sounds really fun.” – Taehyung admitted. – “I’ll think about it and I’ll let you know tonight, hyung.”

“Great! I’ll wait for you then. Bye Taehyung!”

“Bye hyung. Take care.” – Taehyung said and hung up.

A few moments later, he saw someone wearing a mask that looked like Jeongguk walking toward his car from the staircase. The figure waved and Taehyung smiled to himself before stepping out of the car.

He debated whether or not he should hug Jeongguk. On the one hand, they were technically not together and they were in a parking lot where they could be filmed. But on the other hand they were friends and Taehyung had really missed Jeongguk. He knew it seemed ridiculous because they had just not seen each other for two weeks or so, but he still missed him.

“Tae!” – Jeongguk made the decision for him, because he immediately sprinted toward Taehyung (and he was such a fast runner) and enveloped him in a crushing hug.

“It’s nice to see you, Jeongguk-ah.” – He inhaled Jeongguk’s scent and held him closer before whispering. – “I missed you.”

He had not meant to say that. Why was it that any time he was around Jeongguk, he could not control his words?

“I missed you too.” – Jeongguk replied easily. – “I missed you so much. On the way over, I kept thinking that it’s ridiculous how much I missed you, because I saw you like two weeks ago.”

Taehyung felt so warm and fuzzy inside just hearing those words.

“Let’s get going.” – Taehyung leaned back and reached out to touch Jeongguk’s nape slightly. – “You haven’t eaten yet, right? Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving.” – Jeongguk grinned. – “Feed me, hyung.”

They went to Taehyung’s favorite restaurant and sat at a private table in the corner. Taehyung had been here since he was young; so he was really close with the owners and they always favored gave him drinks and sometimes even desserts for free. When the members visited him, he usually took them to this restaurant as well.

Afterwards, he took Jeongguk to his favorite coffee shop. When they had gotten their drinks, they sat down at a bench overlooking the ocean.

“I really like it here.” – Jeongguk commented.

Taehyung hummed in agreement. He liked the peaceful atmosphere of looking at the ocean; and he liked it even more because Jeongguk was here.

In all honesty, the location did not matter. Jeongguk did.

“You were right, you know.” – Taehyung took a sip of his latte. – “I did have another birthday present for you.”

“I knew it.” – Jeongguk exclaimed and grinned. – “Are you giving it to me now?”

He didn’t bring the rings with him. They were still in the desk drawer at their apartment in Seoul. He had no idea why he even mentioned the gift right now. When he was with Jeongguk, he always did what he least expected.

“It’s in the apartment.” – Taehyung replied. – “How did you know I have more than one presents for you, by the way?”

“You were acting strangely when I mentioned the card so I guessed that there was another gift.” – Jeongguk shrugged. – “So what else did you get me, hyung?”

Taehyung’s phone began vibrating in his pocket.

“Hold on, someone is calling me.” – Taehyung flashed him an apologetic smile and took out his phone. Hyungsik’s name was on the screen. – “Hi hyung.”

“Taehyung-ah, are you going to America with me and Jihan?” – Hyungsik practically yelled in excitement.

“I’m doing fine, thank you so much for asking. How are you?” – Taehyung replied, looking at Jeongguk briefly.

The maknae seemed to have heard Hyungsik’s words, because he had a tense expression on his face.

“Ah, sorry. Where are my manners? I’m just really excited! I haven’t been to Vegas, you know.” – Hyungsik laughed heartily.

“I haven’t decided if I’m gonna go yet, hyung.” – Taehyung explained, both to Hyungsik and to Jeongguk.

To his dismay, Jeongguk drank and finished his coffee quickly. Then he stood up, not looking at Taehyung, and walked back into the coffee shop.

“Why? Are you busy with something else?” – Hyungsik asked.

“Uhm… no, we have a break right now before tour, so I just want to relax a little bit.” – Taehyung answered honestly.

“We’ll be back on the 25^th, the trip itself is less than a week. You’ll still have time to relax afterwards.” – Hyungsik was convincing him; and Taehyung realized that what he said made a lot of sense.

Going to America counted as relaxation in his opinion.

“I’ll text you later.” – Taehyung concluded. – “Today, I promise.”

“Fine. Please hang out with us, Taehyung-ah. We miss you.” – Hyungsik sighed.

Taehyung laughed at that because he just saw Hyungsik not so long ago. Then he said his goodbye and put the phone back in his pocket. Jeongguk still had not come out of the coffee place.

Should he have talked to Jeongguk about this in the first place? But in his defense, Jihan-hyung only told him about the trip this morning.

And did he really have to ask Jeongguk at all about it?

Taehyung sighed and stood up, about to go to the coffee shop as well, but he saw Jeongguk walking out, so he sat back down and waited.

“Had to use the bathroom.” – Jeongguk walked over and stood in front of Taehyung. – “Was that Hyungsik-sunbae?”

“Yeah.” – Taehyung nodded. – “Jihan-hyung called me this morning and asked if I wanted to go to Las Vegas and LA with him and Hyungsik-hyung.”

Jeongguk nodded in a nonchalant way, but Taehyung could still see his tense shoulders and he still had a stiff expression.

“Sounds fun.”

“You could at least pretend like you meant it.” – Taehyung teased. – “Sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

Jeongguk sighed and knelt down so that his face was at Taehyung’s level.

“Hyung, you don’t have to apologize.” – He said sincerely. – “And it’s not like you have to tell me about this either.”

“But I want to?” – Taehyung replied, a puzzled expression on his face. – “I want to tell you things.”

Jeongguk froze for a few seconds while staring at Taehyung, unblinking.

“Damn it.” – Eventually, he sighed again and pulled Taehyung into his arms. – “Sometimes I forget how sweet you really are.”

Taehyung was surprised, but he hugged Jeongguk back immediately. He really missed him.

“Thank you?” – He replied uncertainly. – “Uhm… do you want to sit down? Isn’t it uncomfortable, kneeling while hugging?”

He pulled Jeongguk up anyway and positioned him so that they were both sitting on the bench.

“Hyung.” – Jeongguk murmured to the crook of Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Can I call you ‘Tae’ again?” – Jeongguk asked quietly.

Taehyung tried to hide his smile, but he knew that it was just getting bigger by the second.

“Of course you can.” – He replied and squeezed Jeongguk more tightly.

Las Vegas was still so fun; and the festivals were colorful and amazing. Taehyung wished that he could come back someday, maybe when they had a tour, or maybe on vacation. But the true highlight of his trip was San Francisco. Because of the time crunch, he was only able to visit the Golden Gate Bridge, but he took so many pictures and sent them to the BTS group chat.

Things were getting better with Jeongguk as well. They actually texted each other more often. It was not as frequently as when they had been together, but Taehyung was just happy Jeongguk was not ignoring him.

He thought it was getting better between Jeongguk and him, that was until he received a call from Jeongguk the morning of his flight back to Korea.

“Hyung, I think it’s better if we stop talking for a while, just until the tour starts. I don’t want to make you wait for me; and I also want some time for myself. I feel like I’ve hurt you enough.”

“Jeongguk, can we talk about this? Is it… is this still a pause? Or is it a breakup? I just want to make sure, I guess. It’s fine either way, just… let me know.” – Taehyung was baffled. Where was this coming from?

And why did he even mention the word “breakup”?

“I don’t know. I’m more confused now than ever. I don’t like how I have been feeling lately.” – Jeongguk sighed.

“Jeongguk, do you want to break up?” – Taehyung held his breath.

“I…” – There was hesitation in Jeongguk’s voice. – “Tae.”

It was the confirmation that Taehyung needed. But still, he wanted Jeongguk to actually say the words.

“Just answer me honestly, please?”

The seconds that he waited for Jeongguk’s answer felt like years.

“For now, yes.” – Jeongguk’s voice was barely above a whisper. – “I’m sorry, Tae.”

“Okay.” – Taehyung nodded, although Jeongguk wouldn’t be able to see him anyway. – “Okay, Jeongguk-ah.”

He didn’t know what else to say.

“Tae.”

“It’s hyung.” – Taehyung corrected. – “I’ll see you when the tour starts, Jeongguk. Take care of yourself.”

“Wait, Tae… hyung. Hyung, wait. Don’t hang up please.” – His voice cracked at the end.

Taehyung waited, but Jeongguk didn’t say anything for a long time. When he was about to hang up though, he heard sniffles.

He was glad that he always cried silently. That way no one had to know when he was crying. Jeongguk was different though, because Taehyung heard his crying and was trying to stop his heart from breaking. He willed himself to keep a steady voice before speaking again.

“Are you okay?” – He asked quietly.

“I’m… always just… hurting you.” – Jeongguk said between the sobs. – “I hate it so much, T… hyung.”

“It’s okay.” – Taehyung said automatically.

“Why… why do you… always… say that?” – Jeongguk hiccupped. – “It’s not okay, hyung. I’m… hurting you, again.”

“Jeongguk. Remember how you just said that we shouldn’t talk for a while? I think that’s necessary for you to sort out your feelings. Just focus on you, okay. Anything else doesn’t matter.” – He forced out the words, no matter how much they killed him inside.

“You do. You matter.”

“Not right now.” – Taehyung said with finality. – “Don’t think about me right now. Take care of yourself and stay safe. Eat and sleep a lot too. See you when the tour begins.”

Taehyung waited again.

“You too, hyung.” – Jeongguk finally said.

Taehyung smiled sadly and hung up the phone.

He hesitated when looking at the apartment door. The break was really nice and he had a chance to relax and spend time with his family; plus it was not too short or too long. Their tour starts in a week though; and now it was time to get back to dance practices and rehearsals.

He was about to get out his keys when the door opened; and then he was pulled into a hug.

“Taehyung!! I missed you. Did you miss me?” – J-Hope patted his back a few times.

“Hi hyung! Of course I missed you. How was your break?” – Taehyung happily replied and hugged him back.

Then Taehyung was tackled from behind, but luckily J-Hope held him so they did not topple over.

“Group hug!” – Jimin’s voice was right in Taehyung’s ear. – “I missed you guys. Does anyone feel like the break was too short? I just saw the apartment like yesterday, why am I back now? But I still missed you though, that part is real.”

“Hi Jiminie.” – J-Hope smiled and patted Jimin’s cheek. – “You look like you rested well. I’m guessing you enjoyed Busan?”

“We went to Daegu too.” – Jimin responded. – “I saw Yoongi-hyung’s pictures when he was a kid. I took some pictures with my phone so I’ll show you guys later.”

Then Suga grabbed Jimin’s shirt and pulled him back; and Taehyung breathed in deeply. He almost had to let them know that they were crushing him.

“Both of you are suffocating Taehyung. Look at the poor kid. And Jimin-ah, sorry but I deleted those photos on your phone.” – He patted Taehyung’s head twice and smiled at him warmly.

Taehyung smiled back, feeling much happier now compared to when he was staring at the door earlier.

“Why are you guys standing at the door and talking?”

Taehyung knew that voice too well; so he knew what was waiting when he turned around. But still, his heart still skipped a beat when he saw Jeongguk at the door.

“Kookie!” – Jimin exclaimed and hugged him.

“I told you to stop calling me that, hyung.” – Jeongguk sighed but hugged him back anyway. – “Hi Yoongi-hyung, hi T… V-hyung.”

There was silence when everyone stared at both of them.

“Long time no see, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung decided to just look at Jeongguk. He was relieved that his voice did not quiver at all when he greeted him.

“What… Does anyone know what we’re having for dinner tonight?” – J-Hope suddenly asked.

“I think Namjoon said something about ordering tteokbokki and jajangmyeon?” – Suga looked at him. – “We just need to wait for him and Jin-hyung, and then we can eat.”

“I’m so sleepy.” – Taehyung tried to stifle a yawn and walked toward Jeongguk.

He was expecting Jeongguk to move to the side since he was blocking most of the door, but instead Jeongguk just stared at him, not leaving his spot.

“Can we talk for a minute?” – He asked timidly.

Jimin let go of Jeongguk and pulled J-Hope and Suga along with him into the apartment. And then he gave Taehyung thumbs up and shut the door.

“How have you been?” – Taehyung asked.

“I just got back from Daegu yesterday. How was America? What states did you go to again?” – Jeongguk shifted on his feet.

“California and Nevada.” – Taehyung answered. – “It was fun. I went with Jihan-hyung and Hyungsik-hyung to a few festivals.”

“Yeah I saw the pictures they put up.” – Jeongguk nodded.

“That reminds me, I have a gift for you.” – Taehyung took off his backpack and took out a keychain that he had set aside for Jeongguk. – “I got it in Las Vegas.”

Jeongguk looked surprised but he held out his hand for the keychain anyway. It was a bunny holding poker chips in its hands. It reminded Taehyung of Jeongguk, so he bought it right away.

“It’s really cute.” – Jeongguk inspected the keychain and said softly. – “Thank you, hyung.”

“No problem. Uhm, did you want to talk about something else?” – Taehyung asked.

“Hm?” – Jeongguk was still looking at the keychain and smiling. – “Oh… I was wondering when we should tell the others about… what happened.”

He put the keychain in his back pocket and focused on Taehyung again.

“You mean about the breakup?” – Taehyung blinked.

Jeongguk flinched and it was a bit funny to Taehyung that he was refusing to say the word breakup, as if it was a curse word or something.

“Yes. When should we tell them? Actually, should we even do it at all? I think they can tell.” – Jeongguk scratched his nose.

“Well, unless you want to be questioned five different times, we should just tell them the truth.” – Taehyung sighed. – “Maybe after dinner?”

“Okay.” – Jeongguk nodded easily and looked at Taehyung again. – “Hyung, have you been eating well? You look thinner.”

Taehyung stared at him for a few seconds, begging his heart to stop beating so fast and aching at the same time.

“I lost weight.” – He simply said. – “We should probably go in.”

Jeongguk nodded again and opened the door.

After they had finished eating dinner, the members gathered in the living room to watch a movie. Taehyung felt like it was a good moment so he cleared his throat and everyone looked at him.

“Jeongguk and I have something to tell you guys.” – He started.

“You’re engaged?” – Rap Monster asked in a hesitant voice. – “Isn’t it a bit too soon? You know that you can’t legally…”

Jin pinched him and Namjoon yelped then stopped talking right away.

“We’re not engaged.” – Jeongguk said after Taehyung did not respond. – “We broke up.”

Jimin sucked in a breath and asked them in an alarmed tone:

“When?”

Taehyung and Jeongguk looked at each other at the same time.

“When the break started.” – Jeongguk sighed. – “I mean… we took a break… but then we broke up as well.”

“What the fuck. That’s so long ago.”

“How did you not tell us beforehand?”

“I can’t believe you guys hid this from us.”

Suga and Jimin were the only ones who did not react vocally to this news.

“Why are you guys not surprised?” – J-Hope looked at them in confusion. – “Did you… did you know?”

“I didn’t.” – Jimin sighed. – “It’s news for me too.”

Taehyung just wanted to go to his room and not talk for the rest of the night. This was exactly the reaction he had anticipated; but he disliked it anyway.

“Are both of you okay?” – Jin asked softly.

“We’re fine, hyung.” – Taehyung and Jeongguk said at the same time.

“I can switch rooms with one of you, if you’d like.” – J-Hope offered.

Taehyung did not think about it at all. He just assumed that he and Jeongguk would go on normally and try not to let this affect the band. He was fine either way. He felt like sharing a room with Jeongguk was fine before they had gotten together, so it should still be fine now. But he wanted Jeongguk to make this decision so he did not say anything.

“It’s okay.” – Jeongguk smiled at J-Hope but refused the offer.

“Yeah, thanks hyung but we’re fine.” – Taehyung looked at J-Hope as well. – “It’s not a big deal.”

“What do you mean it’s not a big deal?” – Jimin said, hurt laced in his tone. – “This affects all of us. And I know that you’re not okay.”

Taehyung and Jeongguk had no replies. Instead they looked at Jimin guiltily.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” – Suga said.

The others nodded in agreement.

Taehyung almost said “Me too.”

He was fine. He was fine.

At least that was what he told everyone and himself. So they broke up, big deal, people broke up everyday.

He did not want to break up, but it couldn’t be helped, because Jeongguk wanted to; and he would do anything that Jeongguk asked.

It didn’t matter that he was still in love with Jeongguk, that he had confessed to Jeongguk after they took a break, that he had bought promise rings with the intention of giving them to Jeongguk as one of the presents, because it was over anyway.

So he was fine.

He still had urges to reach out for Jeongguk every now and then, but he had gotten better at reminding himself that they weren’t like that anymore. They still talked normally, still joked around, and still slept in the same room. There were no problems at all.

The members went out for dinner one night and when they came back, they all gathered in the living room to watch a movie. Suga and Jimin were on the loveseat. J-Hope, Namjoon, Jin, and Jeongguk were on the couch. Taehyung sat on the floor and stretched out his legs.

Halfway through the movie, J-Hope and Jimin were snoring quietly. Suga stood up and proceeded to carry Jimin to their bedroom so Taehyung took the loveseat. He noticed that Namjoon’s arm was around Jin’s shoulder and he smiled discreetly. And then he saw Jeongguk smiling while looking at them as well. But then Jeongguk looked over to him and Taehyung felt his heart flutter when Jeongguk’s smile became bigger.

Taehyung smiled back and tried to turn his attention back to the TV screen.

After a few more minutes, he heard different snoring noises. Namjoon and Jin had fallen asleep as well. Jin’s head was on Namjoon’s shoulder and Namjoon was resting his head on top of Jin’s. It was such a cute image that Taehyung almost squealed, but he refrained from doing that. Instead, he took out his phone and tiptoed to the couch and sneakily took a picture. Jeongguk saw and giggled; and then quickly covered his mouth when Jin stirred.

“Do you want to keep watching?” – Taehyung whispered.

“Yeah. I’m not sleepy yet. We should wake them up, right? It’s better to sleep in their own beds.” – Jeongguk replied in a hushed voice.

“I mean I took a picture already, so it’s fine to wake them up.” – Taehyung nodded and smirked.

He patted J-Hope shoulder a few times while Jeongguk woke up Jin. The strange thing was, Jin stirred and when he realized that he could not move his head, he turned his face into Namjoon’s neck.

“Namjoon-ah, we should head to bed.” – Jin sighed.

Taehyung wished that he had filmed this instead of taking a picture earlier. It sounded so gentle and so different from the times Jin tried to wake up the other members.

“Okay.” – Namjoon mumbled and moved his head away.

Then they both stood up and said goodnight and then dragged J-Hope away as well. Jeongguk immediately lied down on the sofa and Taehyung went back to the loveseat. He pressed “resume” and lied down too.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?” – Taehyung replied, his eyes still on the TV.

“Are they… is that a new thing?” – Jeongguk asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know.” – Taehyung smiled happily. – “But they would make a really good couple. They’re basically our mom and dad already.”

Jeongguk giggled; and Taehyung realized that his own smile was getting bigger.

“Hyung, do you think that if I call them mom and dad, they will hit me?” – Jeongguk wondered.

“Yes.” – Taehyung replied immediately. – “Don’t do it.”

He didn’t hear any other responses so he assumed Jeongguk was back to watching the movie again. That was until he heard soft and even breathings. He looked over at Jeongguk and the other boy had already fallen asleep. He wondered how Jeongguk could fall asleep so quickly after declaring that he was not sleepy yet. Anyway, Taehyung stopped the movie then because he did not like watching movies by himself.

He went to the sofa with the intention of waking Jeongguk up. However, he faltered when he saw Jeongguk’s peaceful sleeping face. It had been a while since he saw it so he just stood there for a few minutes in silence.

Rationality finally caught up to him and he leaned down to touch Jeongguk’s shoulder lightly.

“Jeongguk, wake up! Go to sleep in our room.” – Taehyung said. When Jeongguk only stirred, he continued. – “You literally said a few minutes ago that you’re not sleepy, how did you sleep so fast?”

“I didn’t sleep well during the break, but I’ve been getting more sleep now that we’re back.” – Jeongguk sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly. – “But I really wasn’t sleepy before. I don’t know what happened.”

“Were you sick during the break?” – Taehyung asked with a concerned voice.

“…No.” – Jeongguk hesitated before answering.

Taehyung knitted his eyebrows.

“Why did you pause?” – He asked. – “It’s okay if you were, I’m just worried.”

“You’re not gonna like my answer.” – Jeongguk sighed and put his head in his hands. – “Remember how I told you that I sleep well when I’m with you?”

He did remember. But how did Jeongguk manage to sleep before they got together then?

“So how much did you sleep?” – He asked instead.

“I usually slept for five hours per night at most, except for when I visited you. I don’t know why.” – Jeongguk admitted. – “And I didn’t want to take sleeping pills either. But the last few days I slept really well.”

Taehyung sighed. Maybe it was a good thing that they were still sharing the room, because somehow, Jeongguk slept better with him around.

He had no idea how to process that.

“Let’s go to sleep then.” – He said and waited for Jeongguk to stand up. – “We don’t have rehearsal until twelve so you can sleep in.”

“We need to talk.”

Taehyung looked up from the book he was reading. Jimin was sitting on his bed, his knees drawn up and his arms curled up in fists on his sides.

“Okay?” – Taehyung replied cautiously. – “What about?”

“You and Jeongguk.” – Jimin deadpanned. – “What happened between you guys? Are you really broken up, for real?”

Taehyung sighed and closed the book. This was a conversation he did not expect to have right now. He went to the bed and sat down next to Jimin.

“Yes, we broke up.” – He admitted. – “You were there when we told everyone.”

Jimin looked at him with pleading eyes.

“It just… I can’t believe it. You guys are one of the best couples I know. And you love each other so much, and…”

“Jimin-ah.” – Taehyung cut in. It hurt to hear these words, because he had felt like that too, but they were over now. – “It is what it is.”

“Did you… is it because of me? Of what happened?” – Jimin asked hesitantly.

“Not at all.” – Taehyung shook his head. – “We were actually fine after that, well, better than before, not fine. But the breakup happened afterwards, when I was about to get back from America.”

“So it happened just recently?” – Jimin raised his eyebrows. – “How are you feeling about that?” – He asked carefully.

Taehyung paused and thought about his answer. He was fine, he kept telling himself that. He and Jeongguk were still friends. It had been a little bit awkward at first but lately their relationship had improved, not quite to the point of how they were before they had begun dating, but almost. And honestly, Taehyung could not ask for anything more.

Jeongguk was important to him; and it would kill him if they could not become close friends again, just because they had broken up.

“Taehyung?” – Jimin called his name again. – “Listen, I know how much you love him, so it’s understandable…”

“You know?” – Taehyung cut in. – “Is it that obvious?”

Jimin stared at him with wide eyes. And then he realized that Taehyung was being absolutely serious.

“Yeah.” – Jimin nodded. – “The way you treat him is different from how you treat everyone else.”

“That’s because we were dating.” – Taehyung shrugged.

“No, you’ve been treating him like that since you knew him.” – Jimin contradicted. – “It’s like… he’s precious to you.”

Taehyung blinked a few times and tried to process what Jimin said.

“He is.” – Finally he nodded. – “I don’t know why.”

“Do you love him?” – Jimin asked curiously. – “Sorry, I’m being intrusive. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s okay.” – Taehyung smiled. – “I think I’ll always love him, Jiminie.”

Jimin looked at him with a pained but sympathetic expression.

“You need to talk to him about this.”

Taehyung blinked in confusion.

“About what? We broke up.” – He said. – “And he knows that I love him.”

“It’s more than that. You’re in love with him, Taehyung-ah.” – Jimin sighed.

Taehyung had a hunch that he had been feeling this way for a while. But right now, having his emotions spelt out to him, it just seemed so real.

He was in love with Jeongguk.

And they were broken up.

“What’s the point in telling him that?” – He smiled sadly at Jimin. – “It’d just make him confused and guilty for breaking up with me.”

Jimin sighed. Taehyung noticed that he had sighed a lot throughout this conversation. And then Jimin leaned over and took both of Taehyung’s hands in his and squeezed them.

“Wow, Jiminie. I’m really flattered. But Yoongi-hyung will kill me if I get together with you.” – Taehyung said with a straight face.

“I’m trying to tell you something. Don’t make me hit you.” – Jimin said with a serious voice.

“Sorry.” – Taehyung laughed. – “What are you trying to tell me?”

Jimin took a deep breath.

“Okay, I apologize in advance if what I’m about to say hurts you. Please believe me when I say I never hurt you on purpose. I just feel like you should know this.”

“You’re scaring me a little, Jiminie.” – Taehyung wiggled his fingers but Jimin’s hands held on to his. – “What is it?”

“That night when Jeongguk and I accidentally kissed…” – Jimin started and Taehyung unintentionally flinched at that. – “…sorry. Anyway, after it happened, Jeongguk looked brokenhearted and left. And I didn’t talk to him again until the next day when he was about to go to Daegu to see you. Taehyung-ah, he told me that he loves you.”

Taehyung froze and stared at Jimin without blinking.

“Okay. That’s… fine. I mean, he treats me really well… I’m his favorite hyung.”

“I didn’t think too much of it at the time, because I thought you guys were still together. But that was after you two took a break right? So it meant something.” – Jimin continued.

“But… we talked the next day, and he didn’t confess to me or anything.” – Taehyung was still refusing to believe this. – “I mean… he told me that he thought of me when it happened…” – He trailed off.

The realization hit him.

Jeongguk would not have told Taehyung that if he hadn’t had feelings for him…

“See? He’s in love with you too, Taehyung.” – Jimin emphasized. – “So I don’t understand why it’s over between you two.”

Taehyung did not know how to respond. He did not understand why, if Jeongguk was in love with him, a very big if, he had told Jimin about it but not Taehyung.

“He never told me that.” – Taehyung eventually said.

Jimin squeezed his hands again.

“Seriously, you guys need to talk.” – Jimin repeated. – “At least to have closure.”

Taehyung nodded but he knew that he would not bring it up in a long time. He always preferred not to confront important things.

It always amazed Taehyung that Jeongguk was real. They had known each other for a few years, and sometimes Taehyung still could not believe that he had not known Jeongguk longer. They just clicked automatically. It always felt natural being with Jeongguk. He never had to force himself to do anything because things just worked between the two of them. And Taehyung always felt happy when they were together. It did not matter whether they were performing on stage or eating with the other members or just cuddling in bed, talking about the most random things. He always felt the best when he was with Jeongguk.

At the moment, he was watching Jeongguk listening to music and bobbing his head along with the beat of the song; and he realized something. Jeongguk was one of the most important people in his life. He could not imagine how different his life would have been had they not been put into a group together. So it did not matter if they were together or broken up, because he would be fine as long as Jeongguk was in his life.

The realization was what he needed in order to move on.

… Even though he was very much still in love with him…

“Hyung, are you okay?”

He blinked and focused on the hand waving in front of his face. Jeongguk was looking at him with concern.

“Yeah.” – Taehyung nodded easily. – “I just had a epiphany.”

“Okay.” – Jeongguk eyed him curiously. – “Hyung, can I borrow your phone charger? I lent mine to Namjoon-hyung.”

“Mine’s in my desk drawer. Good luck getting yours back by the way.”

Jeongguk laughed and punched his shoulder lightly. Then he stood up and headed toward their shared bedroom. Taehyung smiled to himself.

He could do this. He could move on. It was not like he lost Jeongguk forever. One aspect of their relationship did not work out, but he still loved Jeongguk.

He was also still in love with Jeongguk, but he always tried not to reminded himself that fact. It would get better with time.

Or at least that was what he believed.

It had been a few minutes and Jeongguk still was not back. His phone was on the table so Taehyung wondered what took him so long. He clearly remembered that after using the charger this morning he had put it back next to the box…

Taehyung stood up immediately and sprinted to his room. He opened the door, wishing that Jeongguk had not seen it.

However, Jeongguk was standing next to the desk, the drawer was open, and he was holding the small box in one hand and the other birthday card that Taehyung had meant to give him in his other hand.

“Jeongguk.” – Taehyung said carefully. – “Did you find the charger?”

Jeongguk looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Taehyung honestly wanted to pretend this whole thing did not happen, but then Jeongguk looked so determined that Taehyung just sighed internally.

“Tae, what… this is the other present?” – Jeongguk asked in a disbelieved voice before looking back down at the card. – “You wanted to give me a promise ring?”

If only Taehyung could run away from this conversation… But he knew that Jeongguk would catch up with him before he even left the apartment.

“Yes.” – He nodded instead and tried to reply in a nonchalant tone. He knew he did not succeed.

“Promise ring.” – Jeongguk repeated and held the box more tightly.

“You can understand why I didn’t.” – Taehyung scratched his ear. – “Anyway, the charger is right there in the drawer. Just put it back when you’re done using it.”

He turned around and practically ran to the door. But Jeongguk called out his name, his full name, and Taehyung was frozen.

“Tae, please. I think… I think we need to talk.” – Jeongguk said with a shaky voice. He sat down on his own bed, the box and the card still in his hands.

Taehyung let out a defeated sigh and sat down on his bed, opposite of Jeongguk, and waited for Jeongguk to talk. He did not want to have this conversation at all because they were broken up anyway, what good would come from doing this? But on the other hand, Jeongguk wanted to talk.

And Taehyung had never been able to deny Jeongguk anything.

“I’m sorry.” – Jeongguk said quietly, his eyes not leaving the box.

“Did you read the card?” – Taehyung asked.

Jeongguk nodded and opened the ring box again.

“Tae, I’m really sorry.” – He repeated.

“Why? Because I wanted to give you a promise ring, but you broke up with me?”

Jeongguk looked at him with a hurt expression. Taehyung realized that it sounded way harsher now that he had said the words out loud and not just thought about them in his head.

“Sorry.” – He added quickly, although he knew the damage had been done. – “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just that… what happened, happened. There’s no need to talk about it now. It’s already done.”

Jeongguk looked down and touched the rings carefully. Taehyung had never imagined that he would see Jeongguk acknowledging the rings like this. If only it could have been a happier scenario.

“I think it’s better that you broke up with me before I gave you the ring though.” – Taehyung continued. – “Seriously Jeongguk-ah, don’t worry about it.”

“How is it any better?” – Jeongguk scoffed. – “I hurt you, hyung.”

“Scenario one, it would have been worse because I would be wearing the ring; and you’d break up with me so I’d have to take it off. It’s better to never have worn it in the first place. Scenario two, you’d feel pressured to stay with me even though you wanted to break up, so you’d lie to me. Both cases are worse that what really happened.” – Taehyung explained.

This was what he had told himself countless times so that he would feel better.

Jeongguk stared at him without blinking. And he let out a sigh when Taehyung had finished talking.

“I’m still really sorry, Tae.” – He apologized again.

“It’s okay.” – Taehyung flashed him a small smile. – “Jeongguk-ah, I’m fine.”

Jeongguk smiled back, but his smile was much sadder compared to Taehyung’s. And then he closed the box and handed both the box and the card back to Taehyung.

“The rings are really beautiful. They’re totally my style. And I’m really touched by what you wrote.” – He said sincerely.

“Of course, I chose them carefully. And you know how good I am with words.” – Taehyung joked, wanting to lighten up the mood.

“I do, Tae.” – Jeongguk smiled again. It was less sad than the previous one, but it was still not a happy smile.

He wanted to bring up what Jimin had told him. He wanted to confirm if it was true that Jeongguk was in love with him. And he wanted to ask, if it was true, why Jeongguk never told him.

But Jeongguk was looking at him so softly; and Taehyung could not believe that he was using the word “soft” to describe how someone looked at him, but at this moment, while Jeongguk was upset, he still looked at Taehyung so softly and so gently that Taehyung did not want anything to disrupt this.

“Your phone still needs charging.” – Taehyung reminded him.

Jeongguk blinked; and the softness was gone.

“Right.” – He grabbed the charger from Taehyung’s drawer and headed toward the door. – “Thank you again, Tae.”

Taehyung watched him leave and then opened the birthday card.

“I can’t believe you’re twenty-two now, a real man already! This card is for your eyes only so please don’t let anyone else read this. I’m afraid I’ll be teased to death if they find out. Anyway, happy birthday Jeongguk-ah. I hope you liked the presents. It took me a long time to find a ring design that I really like so I hope it’s to your taste as well. Happy birthday!! Oh I said that already. Happy birthday again!!! You are so important and special and dear to my heart that I want you to always be happy.”

He had told himself countless times that he was fine. Fake it ‘till you make it, right? But it still came as a shock when Bang-PD called all of them into his office after dancing practice to ask about Jeongguk’s involvement with a model. Apparently there were pictures of the two of them leaving a restaurant holding hands. He had gotten a hold of them before they were released to the public.

Taehyung just stared at the blurry pictures intently. Jeongguk barely spared them a look.

“We had dinner, but definitely didn’t hold hands. It’s photoshopped.” – He said.

Namjoon inspected the pictures carefully.

“Photoshop or the angle of the camera.” – He partially agreed with Jeongguk. – “Anyway, is there anyway to stop this from being known to the public?”

“We paid the paparazzi so don’t worry about that.” – Bang-PD sighed and looked directly at Jeongguk. – “Just be careful next time okay? Don’t have dinner one on one with someone outside the group. Even if nothing is going on, it’s still a scandal if it gets out.”

Jeongguk bowed his head and apologized. Bang-PD just smiled at him and dismissed them. When they were outside, Jeongguk trailed behind and cleared his throat.

“Hyungs, I’m really sorry for the trouble I caused. I didn’t think it through.” – Jeongguk bowed his head.

Namjoon and Jin shared a look. J-Hope just pulled Jeongguk in for a hug and patted his head repeatedly.

“It’s okay, Jeongguk. No harm done.” – Namjoon said and hugged them as well.

“Yep, just be careful next time, like Bang-PD said.” – Jin smiled and joined the group hug.

Jimin and Yoongi followed them; and Taehyung just wordlessly put his arms around their shoulders and patted whoever he touched. And then he made eye contact with Jeongguk.

Taehyung had always thought that Jeongguk had beautiful eyes. They were so brown, so deep, and so expressive. Any emotion that Jeongguk felt could be displayed by his eyes.

Right now he looked apologetic and guilty so much that it pained Taehyung to see those emotions in his eyes. So Taehyung gave him the warmest smile that he could muster and hoped that it would comfort Jeongguk somehow.

Jeongguk’s mouth was covered by Jin’s shoulder so Taehyung could not tell if he was really smiling. But there were crinkles at the corner of his eyes and the look that Jeongguk was giving him was warm.

Taehyung was reading a book when there was a knock on his door. He muttered a “come in” and wondered which member would want to talk to him at two a.m. in the morning.

It should not come as a surprise when the door opened and Suga walked in.

“Hi hyung.” – He greeted. – “Do you need something?”

Suga walked in and glanced at Jeongguk’s bed briefly.

“He went to take a shower.” – Taehyung supplied. – “I think he’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Good, I want to talk to you.” – Suga said and sat down on Taehyung’s desk chair. – “Uhm, you know that you can talk to me, right? I mean… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to help you, but I’m actually a good listener. Jimin can vouch for that.”

Taehyung closed his book and stared at him.

“Thank you… That’s really nice of you to say.” – He said with an uncertain voice. – “But Yoongi-hyung, right now I don’t have anything super important that I need to share though.”

Suga looked at Jeongguk’s bed pointedly and back at Taehyung.

“Oh, that.” – Taehyung understood it now. – “Is it because of the pictures? It’s nothing, photoshopped or angled really weirdly. But even if it’s… something, I don’t… it’s nothing to do with me, hyung.” – He stammered.

He and Jeongguk were fine. They did not talk about it after the meeting with Bang-PD and just went on with their usual busy life, filled with practices, interviews, talk shows, and more practices.

“Damn it, it’s been weeks, Taehyung.” – Yoongi scratched his hair in frustration. – “I swear you two are the most nonconfrontational people I have met. Just talk to each other already.”

Taehyung agreed that he was nonconfrontational. He just preferred not to talk about things, especially about Jeongguk. He was most comfortable talking to Jeongguk among the members; but after the breakup he realized that there were things he could not tell Jeongguk anymore.

“It’s… not easy for me… to talk about feelings, hyung.” – Taehyung said carefully. – “Sometimes I can talk about them, but just sometimes.”

“So you’re not curious as to who was the model that had dinner with Jeongguk?” – Suga raised his eyebrows.

“If he wanted me to know, he would have already told me.” – Taehyung shrugged.

“If you don’t ask him, how does he know that you want to know?” – Suga countered. – “Taehyung, for the love of everything good in this world, please just have a real conversation with Jeongguk about the whole thing. Everyone is tired just waiting for you two to talk.”

“What do you mean ‘everyone is tired,’ hyung? It’s over, we broke up. That’s it.”

Suga was about to say something but then the door burst open and Jimin quickly ran in and grabbed Suga’s hand and dragged him out of the room.

“Shower’s turned off. Need to move.” – He said on the way. – “Bye Taehyung.”

The door closed again. Taehyung just stared at it, trying to process what had just happened. So Jimin had been outside the door. Why hadn’t he just come in and talked to Taehyung as well then?

His phone vibrated once.

“Sorry, I had to stand guard. No worries, I heard everything.”

Jimin’s text just made Taehyung even more confused.

The door suddenly opened and Jeongguk walked in, a towel on his shoulder and droplets of water dripping down his head.

Taehyung unconsciously gulped. It was not on purpose at all.

“We’re free tomorrow morning right? Just an interview at two?” – Jeongguk asked as he sat down on his bed.

Taehyung’s eyes automatically followed his movement.

“Hyung.” – Jeongguk called.

He blinked and quickly looked at Jeongguk’s face.

It was a mistake.

Jeongguk’s hair was still wet and part of it was slicked back; and Taehyung was reminded of Jimin all of a sudden. And then he realized that he really liked this hairstyle on Jeongguk. The other half of his hair was sticking out in different directions though, but Taehyung liked it anyway.

“V-hyung.” – Jeongguk called again and searched his eyes.

“Your cheeks are chubby.” – Taehyung blurted out.

Jeongguk looked taken aback.

“Really?” – He asked in a small voice, insecurity seeping in. – “I’ve lost weight though, I weighed myself just this morning.”

“No no that’s not… it’s a compliment.” – Taehyung quickly said. – “You have a perfect body, I promise. So many muscles and so little fat. I’m so jealous actually. But I really like your cheeks. They’re chubby and I can pinch them.” – He explained.

That explanation sounded so much more convincing in his head.

“What.” – Jeongguk uttered one single word and kept his eyes on Taehyung. – “Uhm… are you okay? I swear you say the most random things late at night.”

Taehyung just smiled at that.

“Also yes, we’re free in the morning.” – He answered Jeongguk’s earlier question. – “You can sleep in. Probably everyone will.”

“I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard, knowing that I can sleep in.” – Jeongguk sighed happily. – “Why are you still awake, by the way? Were you waiting for me?” – He asked casually.

Taehyung knew that it was a genuine question. And he really was waiting for Jeongguk, only because when Jeongguk came in and turned on the light, Taehyung was sure that he would wake up anyway even if he had been asleep. But it just sounded so… out of touch, like something unattainable. He remembered the times that he had stayed up and waited for Jeongguk, just to see him a little bit before going to sleep.

“I’m not sleepy yet.” – Taehyung shrugged.

“Did Suga-hyung and Jimin-hyung come in to talk to you or something? I saw them in the living room just now.”

“Yeah.” – Taehyung nodded easily.

Jeongguk mirrored the nod and began drying his hair with the towel. Taehyung gulped again. How did he look so good when he just got out of a shower?

“Hyung, I can feel your stare.” – Jeongguk said without looking at Taehyung.

Taehyung felt his ears getting hotter. He was being too obvious.

“Sorry.” – He quickly apologized and picked up the book on his bed.

“I don’t mind.” – Jeongguk stopped for a few seconds and smiled at him.

Taehyung froze for a few seconds before smiling back and looked back down at his book. He later realized that he could not focus on what he was reading at all.

“Taehyung-ah, I have something I want to ask you. Are you free any time soon? We can talk over dinner.”

Taehyung read the text again. He received the text from Jihan last night, but it was the morning and he still had not replied. He never had good experience when people wanted to talk to him about things. But still, he had to reply.

“Hi hyung, sorry for replying so late. I’m free tonight after 9 pm or tomorrow after 7 pm. I can’t do dinner though, but we can still meet if you want.”

He sighed and wondered what was so important that Jihan wanted to ask him face to face and not over a text.

“Tonight is fine. I’ll pick you up at 9:30?”

Taehyung was putting on his favorite leather jacket when Jeongguk walked in.

“Hyung, are you going somewhere?” – Jeongguk raised his eyebrows. – “We have to be up at 6 tomorrow.”

“I’m going to meet Jihan-hyung really quick.” – He replied. – “He said he had to ask me something.”

“Like on a date?” – Jeongguk asked.

Taehyung paused and looked over at him. Jeongguk was still standing by the door.

“No he just wants to talk.” – Taehyung shook his head.

“Didn’t Bang-PD-nim said we shouldn’t hang out with other people one on one?” – Jeongguk continued with his questions.

“I talked to him about it. He said it’s fine since we’re guys, just friends hanging out.” – Taehyung moved his bangs to the side a little bit and realized he really liked this look.

Jeongguk came closer to him and grabbed one of the shirtsleeves. Taehyung froze and turned to look at him with curiosity.

“Something wrong?” – He asked with a soft voice.

Jeongguk kept his eyes on the sleeve and Taehyung had to resist the temptation to reach out and hold his hand.

“Don’t wear this jacket.” – He murmured.

“Why not? It doesn’t go with my outfit? I thought that it leather jackets go with everything.” – Taehyung looked down at Jeongguk’s hand.

“No, you look great, really, really great. This is my favorite jacket of yours.” – Jeongguk said immediately. – “It’s just that…”

And he looked up at Taehyung with an expression so vulnerable that Taehyung was taken aback.

“… Sorry.” – Jeongguk blinked, and the expression was gone. – “Sorry, don’t mind me. I don’t know what I’m saying. You can wear whatever you want.”

Taehyung felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked at the clock and realized it was 9:27.

“Okay.” – He nodded and squeezed Jeongguk’s hand. – “I won’t wear it. Let go of me and I’ll find a sweater or something else to wear.”

Jeongguk seemed really surprised that Taehyung was holding his hand, but he made no move to pull his own hand back. Instead, he held Taehyung’s hand as well.

“Jeongguk-ah, I can’t change with one hand.” – Taehyung squeezed it again.

“Right.” – This time Jeongguk let go immediately and opened the door. – “I’ll just… I’ll see you later, hyung. Have fun.”

The door closed after him; and Taehyung felt strangely happy even though he was not going to wear his favorite jacket.

“Hi hyung, sorry I’m a bit late.” – Taehyung apologized as he closed the car door.

“It’s okay. I just got here.” – Jihan smiled at him warmly. – “Since you said you can’t have dinner, should we go to a café or somewhere to talk?”

“Uhm, I can’t drink coffee this late. But we can still go.” – Taehyung replied.

Jihan smiled again and started the engine.

At the coffee shop, Jihan ordered a latte and afterwards they headed back to the car.

“Taehyung-ah.”

“Yes, hyung?” – Taehyung looked at him and waited.

Jihan turned sideway so that he was facing Taehyung. He looked a bit nervous but also very determined.

“I really like you.” – Jihan confessed.

Taehyung should have expected this. Jihan had always treated him really well when they had filmed Hwarang together. He had also spoiled Taehyung so much since Taehyung was the youngest.

“I like you too, hyung.” – Taehyung replied easily.

He hoped that this would be the extent of this confession. It always felt nice to be liked by someone.

“I mean it in a romantic way.” – Jihan looked at him meaningfully. – “I want to date you.”

Taehyung screamed internally and willed his expression to remain neutral. Here was a handsome and kind and almost perfect man who just confessed that he wanted to date him. And Taehyung imagined that dating Jihan would be really nice because they usually had fun together.

“Taehyung-ah, will you go out with me?” – Jihan asked with a hopeful tone.

But Jihan wasn’t him.

Taehyung could only think of Jeongguk in this moment.

“I’m really sorry hyung. But I’m dating someone right now.” – Taehyung apologized.

Jihan looked surprised, but he quickly smiled at Taehyung.

“Ah… it’s okay. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“I’m really flattered, and I do like you, hyung, just not… romantically.” – Taehyung explained, and regretted it immediately. What kind of apology was that?

“No worries.” – Jihan shook his head smiled again. – “Should we head back now? You told me earlier that you have to be up at 6 tomorrow right?”

“Hyung, I’m really sorry.” – Taehyung apologized again.

“Don’t worry about it. Sorry if I made things weird between us by saying that. I hope we can still be friends?”

“Of course.” – Taehyung agreed immediately. – “Of course we’re still friends, hyung. That fact doesn’t change.”

Jihan looked at him gratefully and let out a sigh of relief. Then he began driving.

Taehyung really wanted to see Jeongguk right now.

Taehyung turned the door knob and stepped into the apartment. The lights were still on, which was surprising, because usually the other members would go straight to sleep after they had taken a shower after practice. It was almost eleven.

He headed to the bedroom, but stopped when he walked by the living room, because all the other six members were gathered there, watching TV or checking their phone or listening to music, definitely very awake.

“Uh… I’m back?” – Taehyung greeted nervously. – “Why aren’t you guys asleep?”

“Taehyung-ah, come sit.” – J-Hope waved from one of the armchairs.

Namjoon, Jin, and Suga were on the couch. Jimin was sitting on the other armchair; and Jeongguk was alone on the loveseat. He looked up briefly at Taehyung and then down at his phone again.

“Sure.” – Taehyung nodded and intended to sit on the floor instead. But when he came closer, Jeongguk automatically scooted over to the edge so that there was more room on the loveseat.

So Taehyung sat there naturally.

“Is everything okay?” – He asked. Everyone’s eyes were on him. – “Why does this feel like an interrogation?”

“Taehyung-ah.” – Namjoon started. – “What did Jihan-sunbae want to talk to you about? If it’s something private, you don’t have to tell us. But we’re just worried since he wanted to meet so late.”

“And also a bit curious since you guys went to America together.” – Jin added.

“Hyungsik-hyung was there too, when we went to America.” – Taehyung sighed. – “Why are you guys worried anyway?”

“He likes you.” – Jeongguk blurted out.

Silence filled the room when the attention shifted from Taehyung to Jeongguk instead.

“Wow, way to be subtle there, Kookie.” – Jimin sighed. – “They’re good friends.”

“That’s true.” – Taehyung nodded. – “Actually, both of them are true. We’re friends, but he also confessed to me earlier.”

“Our maknae is really perceptive then.” – Suga remarked.

“When it comes to Taehyung, he really is.” – J-Hope agreed. – “So what did you tell Jihan-sunbae?”

“That I’m dating someone.” – Taehyung looked at all of them except for Jeongguk. – “We’re still gonna be friends, nothing’s changed.”

Namjoon and Jin shared a look again; and then they stood up.

“Alright, I guess that answer every of our questions.” – Namjoon said and motioned for the others to stand up as well. – “Sorry for bothering you, Taehyung.”

“Kids, let’s go to sleep.” – Jin yawned. – “Urgh, I have a feeling I’m gonna be extra grumpy tomorrow morning.”

“If you’re feeling that way, imagine how I must be feeling.” – Suga sighed. – “Good night, everyone.”

Jimin patted Taehyung and Jeongguk’s head with both his hands and then headed toward the bedroom.

J-Hope looked at them meaningfully and walked to his bedroom as well. Before long, only Taehyung and Jeongguk remained in the living room.

“I’m gonna…” – Taehyung stood up and pointed vaguely in the direction of their shared bedroom. – “Night, Jeongguk.”

“Hyung.” – Jeongguk’s hand wrapped around Taehyung’s wrist and pulled him back down. – “Can we…”

Taehyung held his breath and slowly sat down again.

Jeongguk did not finish the question. Instead, he turned his hand and interlaced his fingers with Taehyung’s.

“I thought of you.” – Taehyung whispered.

“Sorry?” – Jeongguk asked.

“When he confessed to me, I thought of you.” – Taehyung explained. – “It’s strange. Hyung is good-looking and kind and smart, but all I could think of at that moment was that he’s not you. It’s crazy, right?”

He made eye contact with Jeongguk and felt his heart skip a beat looking at those brown eyes.

“It’s not crazy, Tae.” – Jeongguk said softly.

The air around them seemed to have shifted into something more intimate all of a sudden. It was strange how the mood changed with one shared look.

“Earlier, what did you want to ask?” – Taehyung took a deep breath and asked, keeping his voice low. – “You said ‘can we…’ and then stopped.”

Jeongguk stared down at their intertwined hands.

“I feel like you know what I want to ask already, hyung.” – He replied.

“I have a wide range of imagination, so I have a lot of theory about what you want to ask, but I’ll never be sure until you actually say it.”

“’A lot of theory?’ Hyung… it’s one question.” – Jeongguk burst out laughing while repeating Taehyung’s words.

And then he looked up at Taehyung again.

The mood was still there.

The feeling was still there.

“Ask me.” – Taehyung leaned in closer.

Jeongguk blinked and felt that his body inched toward Taehyung as well.

“Tae.” – He whispered.

Taehyung held his breath and waited.

“I want to kiss you.” – Jeongguk said.

That was not what Taehyung expected, but how could he say no to that? And he had never been able to deny Jeongguk anything, either.

“What are you waiting for?” – Taehyung smiled and leaned in.

“Let’s go to the bedroom first.” – Jeongguk said when he could feel Taehyung’s warm breath on him.

“Okay.” – Taehyung nodded and pulled back. He was still smiling.

Jeongguk mirrored his smile. And then he stood up and pulled Taehyung up with him before leading him to the bedroom.

As soon as the door closed, Jeongguk pulled Taehyung down to his bed and began kissing him. Taehyung let out a happy sigh when their lips finally touched.

He had missed this so much.

“You realize this is not a question.” – Taehyung said between the kisses.

“Hm?” – Jeongguk paused and looked at Taehyung for a brief second.

And then he put his arms around Taehyung’s waist and pulled him closer and Taehyung ignored the questions swirling around in his head. They could talk another time anyway. Right now he just wanted to enjoy this.

“I can’t believe I went on this long without kissing you.” – Jeongguk’s hands trailed down and lifted the hem of Taehyung’s shirt up to touch his bare back.

Taehyung could not hold back a moan and arched into the touch. Jeongguk smiled and began pressing kisses on Taehyung’s neck.

“Did you miss me, Tae?” – Jeongguk teased.

“Do you really not know?” – Taehyung sighed in frustration and leaned in to connect their lips again.

“I want you to say it.” – Jeongguk held both of Taehyung’s hands.

“Of course I missed you.” – Taehyung looked at him. – “I’m looking at you, but I miss you right now because you’re not kissing me.”

Jeongguk giggled and it caused Taehyung to burst out laughing as well. And it was ridiculous because they were making out one moment and just laughing the next.

“What are we doing?” – Jeongguk held his stomach and lied down on the bed. His giggling had turned to full-bodied laughing now.

“Shh…” – Taehyung tried to quiet him, but failed. – “We have to keep our voices down. Everyone’s probably asleep.”

“I… sorry…” – Jeongguk grabbed a pillow and turned his face into it.

Taehyung could still hear his laughing.

“Maybe it’s a late night thing.” – He reached out and patted Jeongguk’s back. – “Wait, no, it’s only eleven. Did you have too much sugar today or something?”

Jeongguk pulled his face away from the pillow and took a peak at Taehyung. And then he started laughing harder.

He looked so adorable that Taehyung had to do something before he woke up the whole apartment.

So Taehyung leaned down, grabbed the pillow, and kissed him.

Jeongguk went quiet and responded to the kiss instead.

“It’s not funny anymore.” – Jeongguk remarked when Taehyung pulled back.

“I know.” – Taehyung agreed and moved a strand of hair away from Jeongguk’s forehead. – “Best way to stop you from laughing.”

“Are you gonna kiss me to stop me from laughing from now on?” – Jeongguk held Taehyung’s hand and brought it to his lips.

Taehyung felt his heart skip a beat. Jeongguk looked so tender and soft kissing his hand while maintaining eye contact at the same time. He could feel the five-word sentence about to slip out from his mouth, but he knew that telling Jeongguk he was in love with him was not what he should do right now.

“Jeongguk-ah, we broke up.” – Instead, he said in the most gentle way possible.

Jeongguk froze. He looked at Taehyung intently for a few seconds. Taehyung thought that he would let go of his hand, however Jeongguk held on to it even more tightly.

“I know, Tae.” – He said sincerely. – “I broke up with you, and… I’ve regretted it ever since.”

“Then how come you haven’t brought it up?” – Taehyung asked.

“Because I don’t deserve you, Tae.” – Jeongguk said quietly, his voice full of pain and vulnerability.

“What.” – Taehyung stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. – “That’s ridiculous, Jeongguk-ah. What do you mean you don’t deserve me?”

“I wavered, and I hurt you, and I wanted us to be on a break. And then I made you confused and I hurt you some more. I broke your heart, Tae. How can I deserve you after all of the horrible things I have done to you? You are so good to me, always. You gave me… you planned to give me a promise ring for my birthday. You’re always considerate of my feelings. You agreed to break up with me just because I was selfish and…”

“You’re not selfish.” – Taehyung cut in. – “Jeongguk-ah, you’re not selfish at all. It’s okay to be confused about your feelings; and taking time for yourself when things get too much is totally okay.”

He could see the tears forming in the corner of Jeongguk’s eyes so he pulled him into a hug.

It still really pained him when Jeongguk cried.

“See? You’re so nice. You’re perfect, Tae. How can I be with you?” – Jeongguk sniffled and tightened his arms around Taehyung’s waist.

“Ask me.” – Taehyung pulled back a little to look at Jeongguk’s eyes.

“What?” – Jeongguk muttered.

“Ask me, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung repeated.

This might not seem to be the best time to have this conversation, with Jeongguk crying into his arms and the knowledge they had to be awake in mere hours. But right now, one thought was clear in Taehyung’s mind:

He was in love with the boy in front of him; and he would do anything for them to be together again.

“Tae, can we get back together?” – Jeongguk finally asked. – “I’m really sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. And thank you for always being so kind and considerate. I can’t believe that we were together. It still felt surreal to me, you know? And I’m really sorry that I broke up with you because I didn’t like how I was and I wanted to sort out my feelings.”

Taehyung listened intently.

“And… have you? Sorted out your feelings, I mean?” – He asked carefully.

“Yeah.” – Jeongguk nodded. – “I’m in love with you, Tae. I realized that a few weeks ago, but then I wanted to wait to say it to you face to face. And then America, and I was jealous and stupid, and then we broke up, so I never got a chance to say it. But I’m in love with you.”

He looked at Taehyung with sincerity and hope and vulnerability, all with one look. Taehyung had no idea it was possible to convey so many emotions at once, but Jeongguk was doing it.

“I’m sorry I made you wait this long.” – Jeongguk continued.

Taehyung felt like crying.

“It’s okay, Jeongguk-ah.” – He tried to smile instead. –“It’s okay. I didn’t mind waiting at all, because it’s you. And yes, we can get back together, of course.”

Jeongguk smiled as well; and he looked the happiest that Taehyung had seen in a long time.

“Tae, can I have my birthday present?” – He asked.

Taehyung was confused for a few seconds; and then he remembered the small box in his desk drawer.

“You want to wear it?” – He stood up and went to retrieve the box.

“I do.” – Jeongguk took out the smaller ring and put it on Taehyung’s ring finger.

They both froze.

“Uhm…” – Taehyung looked down at their still joined hands.

“Did I really just say ‘I do’ and then put a ring on your finger?” – Jeongguk asked carefully. – “Oh my God, hyung, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… Did I ruin…”

“It’s okay.” – Taehyung reassured him and burst out laughing. – “The order isn’t right so you didn’t ruin anything I promise.”

Jeongguk let out a sigh of relief and then laughed as well. This whole situation was just ridiculous.

But he stopped laughing when Taehyung slipped the other ring on his finger.

“It looks nice on you.” – Taehyung inspected Jeongguk’s hand.

“It looks nice on you too.” – Jeongguk repeated and put his free hand around Taehyung’s neck to pull him in. – “I love you, Tae.” – He murmured.

“I love you too, Jeongguk-ah.” – Taehyung smiled and finally connected their lips.

He knew that he should be using this time to get a good sleep. Tomorrow they had so many things to do on their schedules; and they had to wake up early for that. But right now, all Taehyung could care about is the feel of Jeongguk’s lips against his, the touch of his hands, and the familiar scent of Jeongguk that Taehyung was finally smelling again.

The rest did not matter.

Maybe I hope too much.

Maybe I dream too much.

Or maybe I love you too much to just give up on you.

-Robert M. Drake