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"Oh! Uh... huh. Guess I thought that'd go differently."
S withdrew her hand from the apex of Pearl's legs. Pearl wasn't altogether certain why; it had felt perfectly nice, though she supposed S's fingers had been moving with a searching intentionality that Pearl also hadn't understood the motivation for. "What were you expecting?" Pearl asked, nervous but trying to keep her voice sounding bright.
"Um... it might be easier if I show you." S's cheeks were pink and growing pinker. "Are you comfortable with me guiding your hand for a bit? I, uh, I wanna put it in my pants... if... that's... ok."
"Oh!... What?" Well, here were the implications, Pearl supposed.
"You definitely don't have to say yes! We can stop and you can think about it and let me know if it ever seems appealing. I just wanted to show you what all is going on for me. Genitals-wise. And, uh, arousal-wise," S practically stammered. She appeared to have lost some of her previous self assurance. Pearl recognized her demeanor as similar to the feigned nonchalance that Amethyst sometimes put on, which made her think that S felt the stakes were very high. "Then maybe you can show me what your situation is? I shouldn't have assumed it was the same for you as it is for me, but humans get a lot of pleasure from having their genitals touched. Like, a lot of pleasure." S bit the side of her lip again, which was frankly unfair considering how alluring it was even with her diminished confidence.
Pearl hesitated only a moment—not wanting to make a high stakes decision lightly—before holding her hand out to S with a determined, "show me."
The human grinned and took the proffered hand in her decidedly larger one. She looked at it a while, lightly stroking Pearl's fingers between hers before bringing Pearl's palm up to her mouth and kissing it gently, making ever-intense eye contact that caused the atmosphere around Pearl's head to feel thinner. S then relinquished the hand to begin unfastening her pants. As S lowered the zipper, Pearl caught sight of some thin, pink cotton fabric through the widening vee and felt her cheeks heat up. S glanced up in time to see the blush she'd started; blushing deeper in return, she said, "I'm just gonna take these off, if that's ok." Pearl nodded enthusiastically, the warmth spreading further across her face.
S kicked her shoes off then took hold of the open waistband of her pants. Transfixed, Pearl watched as S slid her pants down her legs, shimmying a little to get them over her hips without losing the underwear beneath them. Those hips, now revealed... Pearl had been acutely, almost giddily aware of their shape, their scale, but she had not accounted in her imaginings for the fleshiness of them, the ripples and unevenness in the skin. She was enthralled! She wanted to get closer, to touch and examine, possibly even catalogue the topography of S's body, but she held back, doubting the propriety of such an impulse. But oh, S was beautiful! There were divots and lighter-colored streaks as though this human were a quartz—Pearl cut off her line of thinking. S was human, and her bodily perfection was her own. Pearl certainly wasn't interested in having her form viewed through the kaleidoscopic lens of human beauty ideals; she could extend a corresponding courtesy back. Besides, S's pants were still lowering and there was more to see and wonder at.
When her pants were finally fully removed, S sat back down on the couch and reached for Pearl, catching the gem around the waist and pulling her down onto S's lap. With Pearl settled on top of her, S took Pearl's hand in her own once again. "So, you can look if you want to, but maybe for now just feel," she said kindly, then slowly guided Pearl's hand down her stomach. Pearl watched their intertwined hands pass over the soft, fuzzy skin of S's midsection, then dip under the elastic waist of her underwear.
S chuckled to herself, then, by way of explanation, said, "usually I make people wear latex gloves when they do this, but I figure there's nothing you can infect me with, and dirt doesn't really seem to stick to you, so we should be fine."
When they reached the thick, coarser hair the fabric was covering, Pearl shifted her gaze up to the human's face, which was now flushed brighter than her hair, eyes closed with a hint of a smile. A little further down, the hair seemed to be covered in a gel-like substance, and then it was parting, giving way to flesh, slick and warm and more delicate than Pearl could have imagined any part of this big, strong human could be. She could feel S's blood moving just beneath her fingertips, achingly close through skin so thin (was this even skin she was feeling? Humans were entirely covered in skin, weren't they?) she thought it might be dangerous. S's eyes flicked open to meet Pearl's, and they looked at each other in wide-eyed astonishment. As S directed Pearl to move her fingers in an orbital motion around a prominent nub of flesh ("some people call it a pearl," S giggled, "but I think that's pretty cheesy."), Pearl felt an unexpected emotion rise in her chest. Before she could tamp it down, a sob escaped her and startled them both.
S's panic was evident in the way she pulled Pearl's hand out of her undergarments and immediately wrapped her arms around Pearl, heavy and comforting, saying, "hey, you're ok. We don't have to rush this."
"No, no, I'm fine. I loved that. It's just..." Pearl struggled for the words.
"Just what?" Pearl looked dolefully up at the human's concerned face but maintained her silence. S continued, "whatever it is, Pearl, I promise I won't freak out. I think I've shown that."
At the mention of their earlier hijinks, Pearl managed a smile. And a little bit of courage. "Well... it's... humans are so fragile. I'm so aware of that around you—terrified, even. But at the same time... I mean, look at you! I'm a gem and I'm nothing in comparison to you." S's eyebrow furrowed at this, her mouth opening as if to interject, but Pearl pressed onward. She hadn't said it in hopes of being dissuaded, and its truth—as fact or opinion—was hardly important in the scheme of what she was trying to convey. "You're so big and sturdy and confident, and I suppose you do remind me of Rose more than I'm willing to admit, and I... Rose..." Here Pearl paused and looked away; how could she give this human enough context to understand what Rose had done for her? What Rose had done to her. She was suddenly so, so weary. Pearl sighed as she braced herself to continue. They were here now. It needed to be said:
"It's taken me millennia to feel strong, to trust that I'm not a delicate, defenseless thing as easily broken as humans; to occasionally believe that strength isn't about size or brute force or what anyone is," she scoffed, "made for. Rose helped me with that, and even she—a paragon of strength in all its variety, not to mention a gentle and supportive lover and leader who made me feel like I was everything, who would weep, I mean cry literal healing tears, to hear me compare myself to anyone else unfavorably—even she couldn't fully convince me. But she believed it so strongly herself that I allowed her opinion to supercede my own." Pearl paused for another sigh. She'd gotten off track again.
She tried to steer back: "And I thought she'd be here forever and she's gone. She's human now too. In a way. Steven is. I don't know. I just apparently thought you'd be unbreakable, and that I could take comfort in that. That I could draw strength from that. It's not fair to you, but it is a pattern of mine, and it's cost me dearly. And then, touching you like that... I... it... it seems I was made to confront this thing I've been trying to simultaneously learn and avoid for a very long time."
"That no one is unbreakable." The human's voice was kind, but her face was unreadable. Pearl looked down between them, eyes resting out of focus on S's belly button. Such a seemingly innocuous body part, she noted bitterly; unique to mammalian organic life, and also to Rose.
"Yes."
"And that vulnerability and strength are intertwined"
"I suppose. I'm not sure I even made it that far."
"Touching me gave you all that," S breathed. Pearl glanced back up to see that S's eyes were so scared and so gentle, so unbearably apologetic for this circumstance Pearl was certain she had brought upon herself.
"More specifically, finding out about this part of you that seemed so soft and fragile in comparison to the solidity of the rest of you."
"My pussy."
"Your... your pussy." Pearl wasn't sure she was fond of this term.
S smiled a radiant smile—the kind that said there was a joke here that Pearl couldn't fully grasp—then turned gravely pensive. "I guess I see that. I mean, it's vulnerable, yeah... It's definitely sensitive and tender. But it's also one of the strongest parts of me. Would you like to see that?" Pearl nodded solemnly. "I'm not really that turned on anymore, but I bet if you get on top of me and kiss me some more, I'll have a whole lot to show you very soon."