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It was something out of a movie, a really shitty movie. The world moved in slow motion, which wasn’t exactly great since he really wanted this to be over with as soon as possible.
When Ryuji suddenly offered to give Morgana a wash out of no where, rattling off some excuse about saving money and doing it with tender loving care, Morgana, although a bit skeptical, was generally all for it. Like, great, not only does he finally get a wash from something that isn’t a shitty overpriced drive through (seeing as no one else wanted to wash him themselves), but he finally gets time alone with Ryuji to ask him why he’s been acting so weird lately. Like ever since Ryuji found out that Morgana could turn into a car, it was almost like Ryuji was avoiding him. However, as he slow-mo struts out from the shadows of the garage and out into the light, Morgana honestly wished that Ryuji had just kept avoiding him.
The first thing Morgana noticed was super pale skin, and a whole lot of it. A whole fuck ton of hairy pale ass white skin, barely clad in anything. The pair of shorts he was wearing was a disgrace to all shorts everywhere. It was more like a belt with a crotch piece, or like denim underwear that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. The plain white t-shirt he was wearing has been desecrated beyond the point of recognition. It was pulled so tight and tucked into itself so many times that it was more bra than shirt.
Ryuji was a sight to behold. A horrifying, horrifying sight to behold.
A part of Morgana really just wanted to drive the ever living fuck out of there. However, he really did need that wash, like, really badly.
“So are you ready to get cleaned up you dirty, dirty boy?” Ryuji’s voice was sultry, husky, and just flat out disturbing.
Maybe this wash really wasn't worth it afterall. Like was paying 12 bucks really too much? For a good, nice, not mortifying, sane wash, Morgana was willing to pay just about anything at that moment.
Ryuji’s hip swishing sashay was as horrific as it was mesmerizing. Morgana found himself glued to the spot, completely unable to look away. It was honestly like a train wreck, a blindingly pale, scrawny, lanky train wreck that was wearing so little that he would make a stripper blush.
“When I'm done with you, you're going to be squeaky clean. You would like that wouldn't you, you filthy boy.”
“What the actual fuck , Ryuji?”
Ryuji was in front of him now, giving Morgana an all too close look at all the things that Ryuji really should be covering. “Is that your motor purring or you just happy to see me?
“I…”
“Now do you want a hand wash ? I can wash you up real good. Maybe I can good look at what you’re hiding under that hood.”
“Holy shit, what? ”
“How about a wax ? You want to get all waxy and glossy don't you, you dirty little thing.”
Morgana was torn between screaming and running the practically naked boy over. He did not sign up for this.
“I… what? No. Look. Can you just wash me? Please?” Morgana did what he could to keep the distress out of this blatant plea, but desperation still leaked in through the various cracks in his voice. If he had his human body, Morgana would be on his knees, begging at Ryuji’s feet.
With his hands splayed out against Morgana’s hood, and his barely covered ass jutted out, Ryuji sank into a deep squat, leveling himself with Morgana’s widened headlights. “Hey baby, are your doors unlocked because I wouldn’t mind getting inside of you.”
Morgana screamed and rolled back. “ Holy shit, what the fuck? Just fucking wash me! Jesus Christ! ”
Ryuji, having lost his balance, fell onto his ass. Luckily, that seemed to knock some sense into him as he blushed and scrambled back to his feet. His shitty attempt at seduction was already faltering. “S-sure thing, you… you filthy… you filthy beast.” And with that, he quickly darted away to hopefully grab the hose and sponge.
Morgana has already made many mistakes in the short amount of time he can recall, and even more in the time before he was stripped of his human self, probably. However, this? This was, by far, his biggest mistake.
He shouldn’t have accepted Ryuji’s offer, but the desire to be cleaned (since god knows no one else would, not even Lady Ann), and his curiosity over Ryuji’s strange behavior got the better of him. Perhaps curiosity really did kill the cat… car… person… thing. Though it wasn’t so much the curiosity that was going to kill him, but the absolute fucking heart attack Ryuji gave him when he somehow managed to creep up behind Morgana to huskily whisper “Hey baby, do you mind if I let our oils to mix? Because damn boy, you’re even sexier than Lightning McQueen.”
Morgana was honestly so startled that his car alarm went off, which was surprising for the both of them, since neither knew Morgana even had an alarm. He, however, quickly shut it down in order to shout “WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK RYUJI? STOP THIS, AT ONCE!”
In that moment Morgana almost craved death more than the return of his memories. Anything to escape this hell.
But if Ryuji was flushed before, he was on fire now. His blindly pale, untannble skin was now entirely doused in red as the sultry and out of character act he put on crumbled into a blushing pile of stuttering mush.
Were the circumstances different, and with an entirely different, and hopefully less moronic person, the whole thing might have been endearing. However, with Slutty McBlushypants over there wailing various variations of ‘what the eff was I thinking?’ and ‘why did I do this?’, it was more jarringly disturbing than anything else. Morgana was almost worried about the almost crying dumbass. Almost. Though, he was more interested in answers than checking if the boy was okay.
“What were you thinking?” Morgana asked cautiously, after giving Ryuji a minute to regain coherence again.
“I don’t even know! ” Ryuji moaned, sinking himself to the ground and leaning his back on Morgana’s side. Normally Morgana would protest, but he felt like that would interfere with him getting some more than well-deserved answers.
“ Were you thinking?” Morgana jabbed. He tried not to look down at him, still uncomfortable with the nigh non-existent outfit.
“Oh shut up, you stupid cat,” Ryuji grumbled, sounding more like his old self, before he started acting weird.
“I’m not a cat, you useless idiot,” Morgana snapped back. Good. They were going back and forth again. Morgana had almost missed their bickering. If he can keep this going then maybe they can go on like this never even happened. Provided Morgana can find a way to wipe his memory again, or at least of the horrors he had just witnessed. That's one memory he wouldn't want to uncover.
“But seriously, why? If you intended on mentally scarring me for life, you most certainly succeeded.”
Ryuji let out another embarrassed wail, pulling his knees up into his chest to bury his face in them.
“Explain yourself!” Morgana prompted. He was getting impatient at this point. Not only had this horror show gone on for far too long without any explanation, he still hasn't been washed yet. Morgana felt disgusting, both physically and mentally from whatever the fuck Ryuji was trying to do.
“I… uh… well… I…”
“Well?” Morgana would be tapping his foot if he had one at the moment.
“I… um… godthisissoeffinembarrassing…”
“Get on with it!”
“Right! Right! Sorry! Well um… I was… I was… um… Iwastryingtoseduceyou…” Ryuji’s voice hit whole new octaves when he squeaked out that response. Only dogs could hear him at this point, and Morgana most definitely was not a dog.
“Wait what?”
“I WAS TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU!” Ryuji shouted, taking on even more impossible shades of inhumanly red.
It took Morgana a second to comprehend what Ryuji had just cried out, and when he did Morgana wish he hadn't.
Morgana was absolutely stunned, startled, shook, flabbergasted, gobsmacked, and fifty other shades traumatized. “W- what?”
Ryuji flinched at Morgana’s startled yelp, before burying his face into his bony knees again, wailing and moaning in complete and utter humiliated agony.
Morgana on the other hand was hyperventilating. Can cars blush? If so, Morgana was in flames. His motor was overheating. He was dying. He wanted to die. What was happening? How did this happen? Why?
“ Why ?” Morgana asked.
“I don't know… because you're you, and also a car? A really fucking cool car?”
“That's… that's not really an explanation… or really even a valid excuse, especially not for something as horrifying as that.”
Ryuji sighed, finally baring to look up at the car. “I… uh… yeah… well… um… I think I… um… well I think I might possibly, maybe… like you?”
“ What ?” That only really added to the hoor and the confusion more than anything.
“I know it's weird, and I really don't get it because you're just a stupid annoying cat. But like seeing you turn into a car that first time… it hit me. It hit me that, holy cow, maybe you’re really not only just like… a cat. You know? And then I had a thought that ‘hey, maybe then it’s not bestiality after all’. Which was a weird thought since like hating you wouldn’t be bestiality, right? But then I started thinking that maybe… all these feelings, this anger, this aggression, all these things that I misinterpreted as hatred wasn’t actually hatred. Like maybe it was something else. Something like… love?” He paused and groaned maybe realizing just how stupid that whole thing sounded. “I don't get it. I'm so confused right now. And humiliated. My god.”
“I… You fell in love with me… because I’m a car ???” Incredulous couldn’t even cover what Morgana was feeling right then.
Ryuji spluttered. “ What? No! I mean… maybe? I don’t know! I don’t think so… I mean the weird feelings I’ve been feeling for you has been around since like before you turned into a car… But like I mean I couldn’t put a name to it until I saw you turn into a car? God, this just so effin weird ! And confusing. Mostly confusing,” he rambled, clutching his head.
Morgana had never seen him look so vulnerable. He looked so scared and confused, he was suddenly a small child instead of an angry noisy dumbass. Ryuji looked like he was on the verge of tears from how distraught he was. A twinge of pity struck through Morgana’s currently mechanical heart. This sudden care and concern for the boy was about as confusing to him as the whole wanting to fuck a car-cat thing must be for Ryuji.
Well, to be fair, Morgana never really, truly thought Ryuji was actually that awful. Well, actually he did, but he didn’t actually hate Ryuji. Not necessarily. But seeing him being like, not noisy and angry and annoying? It, at the very least, made him seem less hate worthy.
“Is this why you were avoiding me?”
Ryuji looked up at Morgana, and for once his face was shrouded with shame instead of humiliation or a failed attempt at being seductive. “You noticed?”
“It was hard not to, to be honest,” Morgana paused. “So you really, actually like me? Even though I’m not human at the moment?”
A small sheepish smile danced across Ryuji’s lips, “Uh… I guess?”
“Hmm. Alright.” Morgana said, more to himself than anything.
“So wait, you’re not actually mad at me???” There was a spark of hope clearly glinting in Ryuji’s wide brown eyes.
If Morgana had shoulders at the moment he would have shrugged.
Perhaps he was giving in too easily, perhaps he should be way more disturbed and suspicious than he was at that moment, or maybe his taste for blondes was getting the better of him. Morgana wasn’t sure if he had ever even considered dating men before, let alone done it, however it wasn’t like Ryuji wasn’t an attractive person. Maybe Morgana could actually grow fond of the rowdy bad boy type. It wasn’t like Ryuji was a bad person either. And maybe that weird feeling that welled up inside him whenever the normally noisy and angry blond wasn’t actually distaste after all. Maybe Morgana could have been confusing these feelings too.
“Why would I be mad, dumbass? Just… could you please wash me? Please? It’s been like forty-five minutes, and I feel absolutely filthy.” Morgana hoped that Ryuji could hear that there was no menace behind his word, and from the way Ryuji beamed as he quickly scrambled to his feet to grab the long forgotten sponge and hose, Morgana was pretty sure he did.
The rest of the wash was pretty uneventful, and honestly kind of fun. The two spent their time laughing and joking around, getting water and soap everywhere. Morgana pretended like he didn’t stare at Ryuji when his shirt got soaked and clung to his body, which was much more athletic than Morgana had previously thought now that Ryuji was up close. Ryuji pretended not to notice, though his pale skin did nothing to hide the red tinge that crept up his neck and dusted his cheeks. Both of them. But Morgana would never admit to noticing the flush that peeped out from beneath Ryuji’s shorts. Ryuji, on the other hand, would probably admit to bending over a bit too much to show off, he was rather proud of his ass.
Regardless, the terrors turned out to not be so terrible for Morgana after all. He actually got cleaned, and got to see a whole new side of Ryuji Sakamoto. However, for Ann, who finally woke up from her nightmare on the verge of screaming, she got to see a whole new reason to go to therapy.
“God these late night calls are really getting to me,” she groaned, squinting at the glowing 3:14am that blinked from her bedside clock. She glanced down at her phone beside the clock and it proudly proclaimed that she already had 32 missed messages from the late night caller in question. She wanted to scream.
Ann was going to murder Ryuji. Him and his stupid crush on that stupid pervert cat.
“God.” She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, feeling them squish back into their sockets. Maybe she could turn that double homicide into a double murder suicide. Anything to end the never-ending nightmare which was her life.
“God, literally what the fuck.”