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It had been weeks.
6 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours and 34 minutes to be precise.
Not that he was counting or anything.
But as Gabriel stood watching Sam nursing a beer on the hood of the impala he couldn’t help but feel torn.
He could feel how the pain of, yet another, lost love oozed out of Sam. His belief that Gabriel was dead was eating him up inside but Gabe knew that there was nothing he could do. He had played his final card to keep Sam safe. All he could do now was hope that he didn’t make any stupid-ass decisions that would make that sacrifice pointless.
But alas, it appeared as though gigantor was just as big of a self-sacrificing knuckle head as his brother.
‘Samuel Dean Winchester I swear to Dad if you even go ahead with that stupid plan you told Dean about I will kick your ass so hard you’re gonna wish I was dead’
He tried to channel his energy into sending these telepathic threats over to him before he revealed himself to make good on them.
However, he was saved from doing just that by the afore mentioned knuckle head striding over to Sam with a look that could be read in one of two ways
Firstly, it could be his ‘Sammy, you are a complete idiot. Now listen to your big bro and don’t do anything that I’m going to end up going to hell, again, to fix because I really can’t lose you as I am worryingly (But thankfully on this occasion) co-dependant on your existence.’
Or, as Gabriel had more recently seen his ’Man that fight with Cas was a bitch! All that patent, undisclosed sexual tension made it very difficult not to do the do, but I can’t let my emotions win out for once because I’m an emotionally constipated idiot!’
Okay so maybe he was just guessing that was what the face could also mean but still, the point stands.
At the sound of his approach Sam looked up cautiously pulling on his pant leg in a way that he only did when he was nervous or about to broach a subject that the other party wasn’t going to like.
Gabriel felt like face palming.
“Hey.” He said tentatively, watching as Dean fished a beer out of the cooler box and leaned again the passenger door next to him.
After a long pause where Sam seemed to be deciding whether it was safe to talk or not, he suddenly picked up on how quiet Dean was being.
This was usually the point at which the brothers would break out into a bitching contest about Sam sitting on the hood of the impala (even though it was something that he and Dean did regularly). It was just one of the Winchester dynamics that Gabriel had neither the capacity nor desire to decode, deciding instead to just accept it as a quirk of their relationship and Deans love of his ‘baby’.
As he watched Deans face beginning to resemble what can only be described as a mixture of both emotional and literal constipation; Gabriel felt his heart sink like a stone.
’Don’t you dare let me down now you overprotective asshole!’ Gabriel threatened as he braced himself for the ridiculous but unavoidable conversation ahead.
”I’m in.” Dean muttered, his eyes never leaving the ground.
’Are you fucking kidding me Dean Winchester?! You have already lost one brother to one of my assbutt brothers and now you want to lose another?! You really think he can overcome this? Overcome Lucifer? I barely managed to escape with my life and you think that Sam and you can?! Oh you are so lucky that I am ‘dead’ right now!”
“In with?” Sam queried. It was ridiculous, Gabriel thought, why did he even have to clarify when the stupid moose knew exactly what Dean was talking about?
”The whole "up with Satan" thing. I'm on board.” Dean bit out.
Gabriel reined in his anger, having to almost literally restrain himself so that he didn’t metaphorically murder them both and expose his cover.
Meanwhile, Sam’s eyebrows had practically disappeared into his hair as he slowly turned on the hood to face his brother, as though any sudden movement would startle him and make his change his answer.
The disbelief in Sam’s tone was evident as he questioned Dean’s answer. Gabe bit back a bitter laugh as he asked if he was going to “let him say yes”
‘Hell no he won’t! Not if he knows what’s good for him. He is seriously lucky I don’t snap his ass back into the TV land right now. Both of you! At least then you wouldn’t be such complete idiots!’
”No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown -- well, overgrown -- man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play.”
Gabriel snorted. Laughing bitterly at the fact that Dean was still able to find some way to make fun of his brothers height even when they were staring down the barrel of a gun (literally on more than one occasion.)
Still, how could he let Sam do this? How could he let Sam sacrifice himself for what he thought would be the greater good, but ultimately would be the end of everything?
Neither Sam, nor Gabriel could really believe it. Both of them questioning Deans reasoning, his justification, the evaluation that lead him to this conclusion.
”I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fibre I got. I mean, truth is... You know, watching out for you... it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's... it's kinda who I am.” Dean told him.
That made Gabriel feel guilty. He often forgot that Dean had been indoctrinated by his Father into a machine raised only to ‘Shoot first and ask questions later’ and ‘Look after Sammy’. All of that was bound to make this even harder for him. But still, Gabriel couldn’t even begin to fathom what would allow him to accept and assist his brother. Especially in such a stupid plan.
If he were still able, Gabe would have done everything he could to stop him from doing this. But his brother was just too strong. Sam couldn’t win this so Gabriel would have talked him out of it or brought him round to his way of thinking using his ‘powers of persuasion’ (you can use your own imagination to fill in those blanks – Cause Gabe was certainly filling some of Sam’s).
“You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But... But I do know that if anybody can do it... it's you.”
Not for the first time, Gabriel wished he shared Deans faith in his brothers strength. Sammy was strong sure. He was unlike any human or being Gabe had ever met. His strength, skill and cunning surpassing even many angels… but this was just something that he wouldn’t win.
There was a reason that angels would have such specific vessels. And it didn’t all come down to containment.
An angel as powerful as Lucifer needed a vessel that would hold their power but also submit to them. Someone they could take charge of. Force to submit to them and their every will and whim. Allow to take the reins and force to the backseat.
Gabriel’s mind flickered to Cas and his vessel. Poor Jimmy who had a family and a home but still allowed Cas in. Accepted him, even grew to love him inspite of everything. It was a beautiful thing to behold. The way that Jimmy supported Cas and the way that Cas treated his vessel both physically and mentally with reverence and love. Only forcing Jimmy to submit to sleep when he did not wish to burden him with the images that would haunt the celestial being he was rooming with. And in turn, Jimmy supporting Cas in the aftermath of these moments.
Lucifer was not like Cas. Lucifer twisted and bribed and corrupted his host. He tricked them into submission and invitation, just as he had done with Nick. Poor nick whose wife and child had been brutally murdered and he was then forced to sit back and watch as the, very literal, devil took him over and killed thousands and planned the deaths of billions upon billions more with his face and body while he remained powerless and his promises un-fullfilled.
This was precisely why Gabriel had fashioned himself a vessel. One that did not belong to a real person alive so that he would not feel guilty or obligated in the same way that Cas did and so they would never suffer as Nick suffered at Lucifer’s hand. To the way Sam was going to suffer.
“Thank you” Sam muttered and Gabriel could feel the weight in the words. The reserved gratitude that said so much with so little.
’Yeah thanks a bunch pea brain. Congrats you just lost your brother and now I have to lose him too! Now I have nothing to come home to when this is over. So thank-fucking-you.’ Gabriel cursed anger, annoyance and pain coursing through him as he stewed.
“If this is what you want... Is this really what you want?” Dean queried, obviously digging for an out or some glimpse that Sam would change his mind.
Gabriel snorted at the notion that the stubborn idiot could ever be made to change his mind. He was a Winchester through and through after all.
“I let him out. I got to put him back in.” Sam said with a non-committal shrug.
’Stupid, self-loathing, guilt bearing sons of bitches always trying to fix their fuck ups.’ he muttered wishing that he could go and slap and kiss the guilty look from off the man’s face just so that he could see how much he’s already suffered and given up because of that. Just so he could see how loved and forgiven he was by the people who knew him. The people who loved him.
But no. Not him, because he was just one big cesspit of bubbling guilt. And whilst Gabriel had slowly been pouring concrete in, when he ‘died’ the bloody thing had only expanded as Sam took on new levels of guilt by blaming himself.
“Okay. That's it, then.” Dean bit out in begrudging acceptance, his jaw clenching before he looked away and took another swig of his beer.
‘Oh this is far from done Dean Winchester. This is so far from done.’
And with that Gabriel flew off in search of help leaving the brothers downing beers whilst perched on the impala completely oblivious to his presence or departure.