Archive of Our Own

The last practice at their home rink before the team is set to leave on an extended road trip has Eric a little down. His passes are off, his shots aren’t hitting and his strides are short. No one says much, not even the coaches, because everyone is entitled to an off day, even the captain.

It’s not until they are in the room getting out of their gear that Jordan calls him out.

“Dragging ass today, eh, E?” he says across the locker room where everyone can hear but no one reacts.

“Travel day,” is Eric’s response. After he gets his shoulder pads off he says, “You weren’t exactly Gretzky out there, either.”

Jordan laughs and they continue to finish taking their stuff off. After Jordan finishes (he always gets done first) he walks over to Eric and sits down.

“You hate having to leave home now, huh,” he says quieter so only Eric and Jeff, who sits near him, can hear.

“Yea, hate leaving the boys for too long, they change so fast,” he says and he can see Jeff smile out of the corner of his eye.

“Good thing you have a great wife to take care of them,” Jordan says and hits Eric’s thigh.

“Yea,” Eric says and is glad when Jordan stands up to walk away. Because Tanya’s amazing, obviously, but things have been off with them lately. He’s chalking it up to the anticipation for this upcoming long road trip. It’s part of the lifestyle.

As he walks past Jeff’s stall to get to the showers, he gets a tap on the ass from Skins. “Keep your head up, Staal.”

It makes Eric smile for probably the first time since breakfast with Parker this morning.

“Just keep smiling, it’s contagious,” he says to Jeff who does what he asks and Eric’s smiling again.
_____

Two loses in and things are only getting worse.

An overtime loss means he doesn’t get back to his hotel room until well past midnight and when he calls Tanya she doesn’t answer because, why would she? It’s not like she is going to wake up Parker just so he can cheer him up after the loss, even if that’s the only thing he thinks would do the trick right now. He did get to say goodnight to them before the game. So, once he gets in bed he watches the video of Parker singing the ABC’s and falls asleep after the 3rd view.

The next morning Gleason is pounding on his door telling him the bus leaves in 10. Eric gets up to let him in and Tim is standing there, fully ready. Eric’s in his underwear.

“Thought you might need a wake up call when you didn’t come down to breakfast.” At least he looks sympathetic rather than judgemental.

“Thanks, overslept,” Eric says and Tim nods his head at him before leaving. He’s got 10 minutes to dress, pack and get to the bus.

He had forgotten to set his alarm. Tanya usually calls him every morning when they all wake up, so he’s was relying on that to make sure he got up in time. He checks his phone to see if maybe he slept through it, but there are no missed calls.
_____

They win a few and it helps lift his spirits. Dinner with the boys is always much more fun when they won the day before. They are all in their suits at some restaurant in Florida. Cam’s complaining about getting hit in the neck at morning skate and Semin’s trying to talk to the young family at the table next to them. Jordan’s yelling something about video games to Faulk, who is sitting on the opposite end of the table and Mike, the equipment guy, looks like he’s trying to push the phone into his skull he’s holding it so tightly to his ear. Through all the chaos, Eric has stayed fairly quiet, talking only when being talked to, because he’s taking it all in. Letting it wash over him like it’s a cloud of antidepressant, helping to up his spirits.

After dinner he heads to the bathroom. He runs into Jeff washing his hands. If Eric didn’t know any better, he’d think that Jeff was watching him go to the bathroom in the mirror of the sink.

“You take your hand washing seriously, eh?” he says to Jeff as he sidles up next to him. He sees a red blush appear across his face.

“It’s 3 happy birthday’s, right?” Jeff says smiling, “I’m sure some Dora episode covers that.”

“Have you ever even seen Dora before? It’s not that kind of show,” Eric says. Jeff finally moves on to the paper towels and Eric follows close behind.

“Just trying to keep me and all the boys healthy,” Jeff tells Eric as he dries his hands. “We don’t need the flu clearing us out, that’s for sure.”

“That’s sweet of you Skins, what a teammate.” Jeff is holding the bathroom door open for him and when Eric passes by he gives Jeff a tap on the ass in thanks. He thinks he might see the blush reappear across Jeff’s cheeks as they walk back to the table, but he could be wrong.

They win the last game of the road trip and Eric can’t fucking wait to get home to his family. The bad mood he had left with had completely turned a 180 and he can go home happy.
_____

Eric lives a healthy portion of his life in danger of some sort of serious catastrophe happening to him. He plays a brilliantly violent sport for a living, and even though the league tries to take every precaution possible, it doesn’t stop multiple horrifying events from happening each season. One even hit close to home when Marc took the puck to the face. So, he’s acutely aware that everyday he hits the ice something bad might happen to him. But, he never in a million years imagined the horrible thing that awaited him when he arrived home from the weekend road trip. This is something he was certainly not prepared for, in any way, shape or form.

He gets in late. The light above the oven and the hum of the refrigerator is a comforting sign that he is finally home. Coach had made a last minute decision to fly home right after the game rather than wait until the morning and Eric is fucking ecstatic. He can’t wait to kiss Parker and Levi on the foreheads as they sleep and then finally get to the spend the night in his own bed.

When he makes it to their room, the door is wide open. The room is dark and once his eyes focus he realizes they are not in their beds. They don’t even look like they’ve been touched. He walks out and down the hallway to his and Tanya’s bedroom because they must be sleeping with her while he is gone. But, when he opens the door to the master, they aren’t there either.

He pulls his phone out and calls his wife. After she doesn’t answer, his heart starts to race and he feels himself starting to sweat. He quickly runs downstairs and checks there, nothing. He yells their names, nothing. He calls again and then texts, “where are you, i’m home and you and the boys aren’t.” He’s made two trips around the house now, he’s checked the garage and backyard. He keeps calling Tanya, over and over.

Finally, she answers.

“Eric?” Her voice is thick with sleep and so not familiar.

“Tanya, holy shit, where are you, I came home and you’re all gone,” he says, out of breath from the panic and all the trips up and down the stairs.

“They boys are spending the night at the nanny’s, having a sleepover with her kids,” she says, sounding annoyed.

“Oh, thank god, my mind was playing out a million scenarios,” he says. Two more unanswered calls and 911 was going to be his next step. “Where are you?”

He hears Tanya sigh and it sounds like she gets out of a bed, what bed?, she’s definitely not in theirs. “I thought you weren’t coming home until tomorrow.”

“Coach decided to leave right after the game,” he says and the feeling’s coming back, the panic. “Why aren’t you here?”

“Look, Eric, I’m coming, I’m on my way home,” she says and he’s relieved, glad she’s coming back to their house, “There’s something I need to tell you, just, I’ll be there soon, okay?”

She hangs up the phone and that’s the last thing Eric wants to remember about the night. Because everything that happens after the end of that phone call is a nightmare. One that he’d like to wake up from and forget it ever happened.
_____

When Eric married Tanya, he feels nothing but 100% positive about it. He doesn’t second guess himself for one second. This is the woman for him, there is no better one out there. He’s excited about building a life with her, the kids they’ll have and the vacations they will go on. When Jordan asks if he’s nervous he, however cheesy it might be, says “I’ve never felt more right about anything.”

Because they’ve been through it all already, and have come out the other end strong and sure. When she freaked out about moving to North Carolina, Eric let her take her time and realize it would be what they made of it. When they returned to Thunder Bay after his rookie season and Eric told her about the experimenting he did back in Peterborough, she took it in stride and told him she’s glad he did it. When her grandma died, and then his grandpa, they got through it together, leaning on each other when they needed someone.

Jordan didn’t always have the easiest time with his girl and he would ask Eric about how him and Tanya make it look so easy.

“It’s not that it’s easy,” Eric would say to him, “You just have to feel like it’s worth it, you know?”

Jordan looks at him like maybe he’s pulling his leg, but when Eric shrugs his shoulders he knows he’s not. “So it’s that easy, huh?” Jordan says, and Eric punches him in the shoulder.

“Yea, that easy.”

So, when he sees Tanya walking down the aisle, beautiful and nervous, he smiles so hard it would take a lot for it to be taken off his face.
_____

The day after what Eric is referring to as ‘the bombshell’ in his head, is an off day. He had slept half the day on the couch after Tanya had left. After she told him where she was and why she wasn’t coming back, Eric had wanted to ask a million questions about who, why, where, and how long, but the only one he managed to ask, the only one that really mattered, was what they were going to do about their kids.

Tanya had told him she is still committed to the two of them being full time parents and he wouldn’t see any more, or less, of them than he does now. Eric believes her. It might be because he is naive when it comes to his wife, or he is just too raw in the moment. Either way, she promises to bring them over after practice tomorrow and leaves.

The billion questions Eric has in his body weighs him down and he can’t get himself off the couch for the next 8 hours. They pass by so slowly, so quietly (he turned his phone off after ignoring Jordan’s 5th call), and so painstakingly. He is so fucking happy to go to practice the next day that he gets to the rink an hour early.

He spends the extra hour on the bike, furiously pedaling, hoping to sweat out all the bad before he has to face his teammates. He hopes he can get it all out so no one will pick up on what happened to him last night.

He forces himself to smile after Cam makes a joke about the host at the restaurant nearest the rink they all frequent, and again when Semin jumps on top of Jordan when he won’t stop complaining about being ignored by everyone on the team, even his own brother. After that, it gets easier and he’s chiming in on the conversation by the tail end of them all getting suited up. He’s can do this. He’s a fucking captain of a professional hockey team.

He’s proud of himself by the time practice ends because he did well, as well as he always does, and no one says anything to him. Until, just as he is taking his shin pads off, Jeff leans over and says, “Everything okay, Eric?” He says it under his breath, close to Eric’s face, and when he looks up at him Jeff looks genuinely concerned.

“Of course, Skinner,” Eric says, before he actually spills his guts to this kid, because Jeff is looking at him like he actually cares.

“Alright, cool, just checking, you know,” Jeff says and then scoots away to finish getting his gear off.

He thinks he’s convinced Jeff he is okay after he yells to Jordan that they should get dinner, because it makes Jeff smile as he is walking to the showers.

On his way out of the room, though, Jeff slaps him on the ass and says, “Keep your head up, Cap,” before turning down the opposite hallway and disappearing.
_____

He doesn’t tell anyone, except for his lawyer, for over a month. Not his parents, not any of his brothers, not his best friends back in TB, or even his agent. He makes excuses when the boys come over why she’s not there, and they never ask twice.

She drops Parker and Levi off when they are at home and takes them back when they go on the road. The nanny agrees to work for the both of them to have some continuity for the boys and she’s become the only person Eric even mentions the infidelity to. He tries not to ask her any awkward questions or probe for what details she might know but he’ll answer her questions when she asks him how he’s doing with everything.

“I’m doing alright,” he says to her, after the boys are both down for their afternoon nap. “It’s just going to take a while to adjust, I think.”

“Is not easy,” Katie continues, she’s starting the dishes and Eric goes to help her out. “I can’t imagine how hurt you must feel.”

Eric just kind of shrugs because he’s felt so many things in the last month he doesn’t think he could name them all. Anger, at first, because his wife broke their vows. Betrayal, too, that she went behind his back and found someone else while they were married. Mad, that he somehow was not a good enough husband. Sad, for the life they will no longer be sharing in the way he thought. Downtrodden, because he can never have it back.

And, hurt. It hurt in every part of his body because he feels like all if it got torn apart, not just his heart.

Somehow, though, he puts on a smile and he shows up to work and does his job. When he’s home he puts the dad smile on, and does his job there, too. And, when he goes to bed, in his bed in Raleigh, he feels completely empty and entirely hurt. So, when Katie tries to sympathize with him, he shrugs his heavy shoulders and hopes she reads his silence to not ask any more questions.
_____

Another few weeks pass and Eric has to go back to an entirely empty house for the whole homestand because Tanya brought the boys back to Canada to see her parents for her mom’s birthday. By the third day the quiet is getting to him. He almost calls Katie to see if she will come over and do the dishes, just to have some normalcy, but this is her vacation time, too. Instead, he calls Jordan.

“Hey,” Jordan says, “What’s up? You thinking lunch?”

“No, I grabbed something on the way back from the rink,” he says and takes a deep breath. “You think you could come over? There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Everything okay, E?”

“Yea, yea, just, can you just come the fuck over? It’s like a 2 minute drive.”

“Of course, yea, be over in a second,” Jordan says and Eric hopes he’s not freaking him out too much.

“Good,” he says and then hangs up before he can say anything more.

About 10 minutes later Jordan is entering his house, with Jeff Skinner in tow. “You brought Skins?” he says to Jordan because he doesn’t need another body here, he needs his brother for a quick second.

“Sorry, he was over and you sounded super freaked out so we just jumped in the car and drove over.”

Jeff, looking as awkward as ever, speaks up saying, “I can wait outside, if, you know, you don’t want me here.”

Eric thinks about it for a second, he doesn’t want everyone to know yet, but he needs to tell someone. He wanted that person to be Jordan, and then maybe Jordan would tell Marc and Jared so he wouldn’t have to. But, Skins is a good kid and he looks up to Eric, so chances are he’s not going to go around telling everyone his secrets. If he thinks about it, Jeff is one of the guys on the team he would go to, other than his brother, because he’s always seemed like he cared and gives decent advice.

“No, it’s okay,” he says and leads them into the kitchen. He offers them each something to drink and then sits across from them at the breakfast bar.

As Jordan is taking a sip of his water Eric says, “So, Tanya and I are getting divorced.”

He’s not looking at either of them when he says it, so it makes him jump a bit when he feels a hand on top of his. He looks up and sees that it is Jeff’s.

“You’re serious?” Jordan says once he swallows and Jeff pulls his hand away. Eric kind of wants him to put it back, but instead he puts his hands in his lap.

“Yea.”

“Wow,” is what Jordan says and then goes silent, staring into the kitchen. Eric thinks he should probably say more, maybe give more of an explanation but he can’t seem to figure out what to say.

After another 30 seconds of silence, Jeff kicks him under the table and says, “You alright?”

Eric takes a deep breath before saying, “Yea, I mean, sure, yea. I still get to see the boys when we’re home and, yea.”

“How long ago did this happen?” Jordan asks, coming back to himself after the initial shock.

“A month and a half, I think?”

“What the fuck?” Jordan says, angry. Eric heard Jeff says ‘holy shit’ under his breath and Eric feels like he should run away. “Why didn’t you tell me? Have you told mom and dad? Marc?”

“I haven’t told anyone,” Eric says. Jeff gets up and walks to the fridge. He pulls out three beers and twists the tops off, setting one in front of each of them. Eric looks over at him and says a quick thanks before continuing. “I didn’t know what to say.”

“You could of said anything, Eric, fuck. Can’t believe this shit. There’s no hope for any of us,” Jordan says.

“So she’s staying in Raleigh right with the boys?” Jeff asks and Eric is glad to talk about the kids.

“Yea, our lawyers are drawing up an agreement that she has to stay in NC unless I get traded, in which she can move to where I end up, or she has the option of moving back to TB,” Eric says taking a sip of his beer. “We are working on splitting everything else and the spousal payments and all that shit right now.”

“Why? What happened?” Jordan asks and that is the one question Eric doesn’t want to answer because he knows he can’t answer it truthfully. He can’t. He can’t have his family mad at Tanya, judging her. He needs to protect her, still.

“We just,” Erics starts and then takes a deep breath, “Grew apart, you know. The travelling and the babies and everything.”

“But, no, Eric, come on, you told me you were sure on your wedding day, you said it would work, it was worth it.” Jordan sounds angry and Eric doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what he can say.

“Things change,” Jeff chimes in and Eric could fucking kiss him, “You know our lifestyle, Jordan, add two babies to that and everything is different.”

“What the fuck do you know, Skinner,” Jordan says, “If Eric and Tanya can’t make it, we’re all fucking screwed. Take this as a lesson, don’t ever get married.”

Jeff rolls his eyes. “You’re the most dramatic Staal.”

That makes Eric laugh and Jordan start arguing about how Jared is obviously way more dramatic than he is and 2 hours later they are finally leaving. The conversation somehow transitioned into how they are going to tell the rest of their family and Jordan finally asks Eric if he’s going to be okay and tells him he’s here for him if he needs anything. Jeff is mostly a bystander, chiming in when he’s got some insight and retrieving the two of them beers from the fridge.

He steals the keys from Jordan at the door, and after a half hearted protest, they finally make their way out to the driveway.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Jeff says as he’s opening the door to the car. “Seriously, anything.”

“Yea, yea, Skins,” Eric says, “Just get this guy home, alright?”

“Course, keep your head up, Eric,” Jeff says and Eric thinks that’s probably the 15th time Jeff has said that to him in the last 2 months.

“I’m supposed to be the one with all the encouragements as the captain,” Eric says back to him, “Maybe you should take the C, eh?”

“He’d be way better than you!” from the passenger seat and both Eric and Jeff laugh for the first time of the afternoon.
_____

They have a game the next day and at morning skate Jordan tells him he told Marc, but no one else. He told him not to tell their parents and Eric thanks him for taking care of one family member. Not that Marc wouldn’t be supportive, or have the right things to say, he mostly doesn’t want to burden him with everything he’s gone through since the injury.

When he checks his phone on the way out of the room, he sees that Marc has sent him a text that reads: stay strong. let me know if you need anything. for real.

It feels good, to read it, to know he has the support. Maybe he can handle telling the other important people in his life. Maybe.
_____

The nanny brings the boys to the game because it was an afternoon start time and it’s great to have them in the locker room after the game. Semin’s hamming it up and Parker’s loving it.

While Cam’s girlfriend is holding Levi and Jordan is keeping Parker busy, Eric takes a quick shower. When he gets back out to the main rooms he sees Katie sitting at his locker talking to Jeff. He goes to grab Levi from the PR guy he has been passed off to and he hears Jeff saying, “If you ever need a day off, just let me know, I can definitely babysit.”

He hears Katie softly laugh and say, “You know it’s my job to watch them, right? As in, I get paid to do it.”

“Yea, of course, I know,” Jeff says, sounding a little embarrassed, “I mean, I would make sure Eric still paid you and everything.”

Katie laughs again, louder this time and says, “I’ll keep that in mind, Jeff.”

She walks over to where Eric is standing with Levi and says, “I’m going to take them home now. I’ll start making some dinner.”

“Great, I’ll be right behind you, thanks Kates,” Eric says handing Levi over and motioning Parker to join them.

Katie waves goodbye to Jeff on her way out and it earns a whoop from the boys. Eric knows Jeff’s true intentions, but it doesn’t stop him from blushing when Faulk yells “attaboy” at him.

“Are you guy actually encouraging him to hit on a 40 year old married woman with 2 kids?” Eric says to no one in particular.

“Oh, homewrecker!” he hears someone yell, he’s not sure who, and he just has to roll his eyes. Bunch of fucking beasts.
_____

After another few weeks he gets a text from Jared that reads: sorry to hear it, bro. It seems Jordan had finally dropped the bomb to him, or maybe it was Marc. Either way, it’s another person who knows, another person he doesn’t have to tell.

He thinks he should probably tell his parents now, too. They are going to be pissed everyone found out before them. He thinks they are in New York visiting Marc, maybe calling them while they are there will be a good strategy.

His mom answers and Eric decides to pull the band aid. She’s stoic, but supportive like always. The conversation doesn’t last too long and at the end of it she tells him she will tell his dad.

Once he hangs up the phone, he feels drained. But, it’s a weight off his shoulders. He texts Jared back with a thanks, and decides to join his kids and take a nap, too.

When he wakes up he has 3 texts. One from his mom reading: we’re flying in on tuesday for a week. One from Jordan saying: you told them! way to go. And one from Jared saying: can i stay at yours while mom and dad are there?

He’s not sure if it’s a feeling of overwhelming anxiety that they are all coming to visit, or an overwhelming sense of family, which he hasn’t felt since the night of the bombshell. He thinks he’ll be glad to see them all, either way.
_____

Jared gets in on Monday night because he has Sunday-Wednesday free. He says goes to the game on Monday night and talks up coach and the GM in the way only Jared can and when they are in the car, with Jeff and Faulk in the back, Jared tells them all he’s sure he convinced them to call him up.

“I am for sure the next person on the list, no joke,” he’s turned around looking back at Jeff and Justin. Eric can see them nodding their heads in what he recognizes as false encouragement. “Coach told me he looks forward to seeing me SOON.”

“What a day it will be when we have 3 Staal’s on the ice again,” Faulk says.

“It will be a day that forever goes down in NHL history,” Jared says.

“I’m not sure about that,” Eric chimes in, bringing his humble older brother tone into the conversation.

“Come on, you know it will make the front page of the local sports section this time, at the very least,” says Jared.

“I think you are overstating North Carolina’s interest in hockey.” Eric is glad to have to have Jared around, he’s always good for lightening the mood. And he convinced Skinner and Faulk to come back to his place for a few rounds of poker after the game, which Eric never would have initiated himself.

Jeff speaks up from the back seat in his best professor voice saying, “Never insult the fan, the media or the state of North Carolina.” It makes the 4 of them all laugh because it’s a spot on impression of the team communications guy.

“You’re secretly fucking funny, Jeff Skinner,” Jared says, “I like you.”
_____

Eric lets them all get more drunk than planned. After the third hand Jared has insisted they take a shot every time they decide to call and soon after Faulk is passed out in the guest room upstairs and the 3 of them are arguing over whether they should make Jordan pick up Mom and Pop Staal from the airport tomorrow morning.

“You’d have to bring Parker and Levi,” Jeff says, eyes half lidded from post game exhaustion and that last shot of Captain. “And that’s too much fucking work for a simple trip to the airport.”

“He’s right, Eric, come on, you know we are going to be feeling it in the morning and Jordan is perfectly well rested.” Jared looks the best out of all of them. Probably because he does this type of thing way more often than he and Jeff do.

“Okay, okay, yea, I’ll text Jordan,” he says and then holds a hand out to help Jeff up from the table. “You okay with the couch?”

“For sure.”

“Or you could kick Jared out of the downstairs guest room.”

“Or,” Jared interrupts with a sly smile on his face, “We could share. It’s a big bed.”

“Yea?” Jeff says, half between a smile and a blush.

Eric instinctively doesn’t want his little brother sharing a bed with Jeff, especially when Jared has been flirting hardcore with him all night. But who is he to oppose, it’s not like he has a good reason why they shouldn’t. Jeff’s an adult, he’s responsible for himself.

“Of course, in minor hockey we have, like, 1 bed for every 4 players on the road. I’m horrible at sleeping without another hockey player in my bed.”

Jeff laughs and Eric rolls his eyes. He’s seen his brother run game before, but never with one of his teammates. Jared is starting to lose respect for him to think it’s okay to hit on his friend, his rookie, a member of his team.

Ultimately, Eric is too old, too drunk and is feeling too messed up from the prospect of Skins sharing a bed with his littlest brother that he just mumbles, “Figure it out,” and walks upstairs.

As he stops in Parker and Levi’s rooms to kiss them goodnight on the forehead it occurs to him that he should have offered for Jeff to stay with him in his bed. It would be nice, he thinks, to have someone to sleep next to again, if only for a night. But, that might be weird. At least weirder than him sharing a bed with Jared. He doesn’t even know why he has so many feelings about the two of them sharing a bed. Chances they will just fall asleep since they are both so drunk, and Jeff has to have better taste.
_____

Jared wanders into the kitchen as Eric is making breakfast for the boys.

“Morning,” Eric says handing him a cup and the bottle of orange juice. “Jordy is picking up mom and dad right now and then you guys are going to babysit while we go to morning skate.”

Jared is making faces at Parker, who is giggling and threatening to throw his scrambled eggs at Jared if he doesn’t stop.

“Is Jeff still here?” he asks. He takes the fork out of Parker’s hand to stop him from flinging any food around the kitchen. This only makes Jared pull a face which causes Parker to scream “Give it back!” while laughing at his uncle. Eric makes Jared sits down at the big boy table, away from Parker, before he gives his son the fork back. He shakes his finger at Jared, who just ignores it like he wasn’t causing any trouble.

“Nah, he left early,” Jared says, finally responding to his question. He picks up the cup Eric had put in front of him and chugs the rest of his orange juice. Eric can’t help but see a hickey on the end of Jared’s stretched out neck.

“Cool,” Eric says and tries not make it obvious that he is checking out his brother’s neck. The hickey looks fresh, like it had to have been created in the immediate past. He kind of wants to ask him about it, but doesn’t want it to seem like he’s asking him if he hooked up with Jeff last night.

“I’m gonna shower before they get here,” Jared says taking a bite of Parker’s pancakes as he walks by, earning him a loud pitched scream to stop from the little boy.

“Leave my kids’ food alone,” Eric yells at him as he exits the kitchen. And my teammates, too, he thinks.

He can’t get the hickey on Jared’s neck off his mind as he washes up and gets the boys ready for the day. Maybe Jared is seeing someone he hasn’t told him about yet. He tries to remember how long it takes for hickey’s to lose their luster, but can’t remember because it’s been so long since he’s had one. He decides to text Marc, who is usually the first person Jared goes to about shit.

‘is jared seeing someone?’

‘don’t think so, he barely hooks up because of the whole jr hockey never alone thing.’

‘you sure he hasn’t hooked up with anyone recently? maybe one of the guys on his team?’

‘that is a major no-no, not even jared is that stupid. it’s only no homo shit that happens. he told me when we talked to other day he hasn’t really hooked up since he was back in tb last.’

‘oh, is he still kind of seeing that dude from hs?’

‘not really, they just see each other if they are both in town.’

‘huh, interesting.’

‘why you ask? did he bring someone back to your place?’

‘no, not exactly.’

‘do i want to know?’

‘probably not, i don’t even want to know, i think.’

‘alright, have fun with mom and dad.’

It seems Jared’s backward charm worked on Jeff. He’s disappointed with himself for caring so much. He should be happy for his brother for bagging someone as great as Jeff.

=====

Jeff wakes up, dry lips and pounding head, in one of Eric’s guest rooms. His first thoughts are of aspirin and chapstick. He licks his lips, and immediately regrets the decision. He sits up, and immediately regrets that decision. Needless to say, it’s not a great start to the morning.

He stumbles onto the solid floor, putting his pants back on, and looks back to the other body occupying the bed he just exited. Jared. Jared Staal and his bare freckled back lying in the mess of blankets.

“Fuck,” he mutters and leaves the room, stopping at the bathroom to pee and splash water on his face, and exits the house as quietly as possible.

The early morning light is doing his head no favors. He tries to focus his mind on getting home safely, but it quickly wanders to the image of Jared, the feel of him, the taste. They didn’t end up doing too much, too drunk and too exhausted from the days game. He remembers a lot of making out, rustling around in the bed, shirts off, hands over pants, sucking on necks before Jared started giggling and Jeff started feeling guilty. This is Jared STAAL and he’s in Eric’s house, making out with his little brother and, holy shit, he never thought this is the Staal he would hook up with under this roof.

When he rolled away, Jared had kissed his shoulder and told him to get to sleep. He was drunk, exhausted, turned on and a fucking wreck because he’s in bed with the wrong Staal. But, when he looked back over at Jared, he’s passed out and, fuck if Jeff isn’t attracted to him. He liked kissing Jared and talking to Jared and playing poker with him and sucking on his neck. He’s a horrible fucking person.
_____

After a long, hot shower, Jeff lays down in his own bed and tries to take a nap before going to the afternoon optional skate. He shut his phone off to ensure his sleep wouldn’t be interrupted. He wishes he could turn his brain off just as easily.

He can’t stop thinking about Jared, and Eric, and every other Staal for good measure. He starts off feeling like he made a huge mistake because he probably doesn’t even like Jared, he was just the best available Staal and he took advantage. His schoolboy crush on Eric has grown too big ever since the divorce and he never should have decided it was okay to hook up with Jared when he really wanted to be kissing Eric.

But, he’s young and Jared’s young and they were both drunk. And, Jared made him laugh and from what he can remember he wasn’t even thinking about Eric as he was kissing Jared, at all. Only once Jared started giggling and he started thinking did the it cross his mind. Plus, Jared doesn’t even really look like Eric, or act like him, and he’s much closer to Jeff’s age.

Jeff realizes that he’s wasted 20 minutes of his 2 hour nap window letting his mind race with all this shit. He needs to get some sleep to keep his body refreshed, so he makes himself think about PK drills until he nods off.
_____

5 Weeks Later

He lies to Eric.

They have the whole weekend off, no practice, no team bonding dinner, no yoga session, nothing. Two whole days to themselves in the middle of the marathon season. So, after the Friday night game, another tick for the win column, he fibs.

“Katie told me I should invite you to come with us to the Children’s Museum tomorrow,” Eric leans over after coach is through with his congratulatory speech.

“Oh yeah?” Jeff says back, “Katie?”

“I mean, we all want you to come. Me and Parker and Levi,” Eric tells him, and Jeff knows he’s sincere.

“Wish I could but my sister is coming into town this weekend.” That’s the lie. It comes out easy, easier than he wishes.

“Oh, nice. That’s cool. Next time,” Eric says.

“For sure,” Jeff says. He’s already been to the Children’s Museum with them before. He’ll miss Parker’s face when he sees the moving dinosaur exhibit-for some reason he’s completely enamored every single time.

The truth is, Jared’s coming into town. They’ve managed to see each other 3 times in the last 5 weeks. Once, Jared drove to see him on an off day. Once, they met half way. And, once, Jared showed up at his door at 2 am. But, this will be the first time they get to spend an entire weekend together.

It’s exciting, in the way that only new relationships can be. Jared is cute and funny, nerdy and ridiculous, persistent and easygoing. Somehow, Jeff found himself completely invested in trying to spend as much time as possible talking to him, laughing at his jokes and hearing his stories. Also, figuring out ways he can spend the night with him where pillow fights turn into wrestling matches, which turns into trading blowjobs and hitting snooze just to press his nose into Jared’s neck one more time.

Now, they have two nights. Two nights and two days, no interruptions because Jeff’s lied to everyone. He told Cam his sister broke up with her boyfriend and promised her a weekend of marathoning How I Met Your Mother and playing duets (him on guitar, her on keyboard). He told Jordan his sister is super shy and intimidated by new people, so he promised her no teammates. He told Jim, the equipment manager, he and his sister have this tradition where they try to make the most epic forts possible and Jeff has spent the last two months sketching the best one yet, sure to top the two story one they made during last years’ off days. Point is, he’s covered his bases.

So much so, that Jared parks at the Holiday Inn on the other side of town and Jeff goes to pick him up, leaving Jared’s car as far away from his place as possible. Both Eric and Jordan live within one mile of him and they cannot risk a surprise visit or a detour which leads one of them to discover their little brother’s car in their teammates driveway.

As Jeff drives to the Holiday Inn, he tries to think about not thinking about what this relationship with Jared means. It’s the only way he has let himself ride the wave. When Jared called him for the first time after the night at Eric’s, Jeff doesn’t answer on the first 4 rings because he tells himself he can’t, he’s Eric’s brother. But, on the 5th ring he audibly says “Fuck it,” and picks it up. Jared says something funny, Jeff laughs and now they are here, making out in Jeff’s Lexus in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn in the rough part of Raleigh, young and enthusiastic, turned on and eager.

“Okay, stop,” Jeff finally breaks away from Jared’s mouth. “We’re in a parking lot.”

“Kinda sexy, eh?” Jared says kissing his neck.

“Not really,” Jeff says, skin breaking out in goosebumps everywhere Jared touches. “My bed is much sexier.”

Jared laughs and pulls himself away, settling himself back in his seat. “Then take me there, Skinner.”

Jeff does.
_____

While Jared is making them egg white omelets, Jeff gets a message from Eric with a picture of Parker in front of the dinosaur exhibit with the caption, “See what you’re missing!” and it makes Jeff smile.

He walks into the kitchen where Jared is standing over the stove in nothing but a pair of shorts and a back full of freckles. It’s a great sight.

“Look what Eric just sent me,” he says, holding the phone up for Jared to see.

“Great fucking kid,” Jared says turning his attention back to the skillet. “Were you supposed to go with them to the museum?”

“Nah,” Jeff tells him. He sits down at the table he has in the corner of his kitchen. “He just asked me yesterday after the game, but I told him my sister was coming into town.”

Jared makes a noise of approval, showing Jeff that he heard what he said. Jeff watches Jared continue to make their breakfast, watching the way his shoulders move-so similar to the way Eric’s do. It’s a little intoxicating, and Jeff is ready to drink in as much as he can.

After another couple of minutes, Jared turns to look at him and says, “Why don’t you make yourself useful and make some coffee?”

“But, I was enjoying watching you,” Jeff tells him smiling wide.

“You’re a bum. Make some fucking coffee,” Jared says, but he’s smiling coy and appreciative.
Jeff makes some coffee and Jared finishes the omelets. It’s a nice breakfast, filled with small, comfortable conversation. It’s the domestic scene they’ve yet to have so far and Jeff feels very content inside the moments.

At the end of the meal, Jeff tells Jared he will clean up while he takes a shower. He’s scrubbing the skillet when he gets another text message, this time from Katie. It reads: “Eric just said the museum is better when you’re here.”

It makes Jeff’s stomach clench. It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time. Since before Jared. He turns up the hot water and scrubs a little harder.
_____

Jared convinces Jeff to play a drinking game on Saturday night. It took a lot of puppy dog eyes and an awkward attempt to dance seductively on Jeff while he watchs game tape.

“Okay, fine, I’ll play your stupid drinking game,” Jeff says because he’s finally done watching the file coach had sent to him. “Only if you promise to never dance like that again.”

Jared’s response is a double fist pump and a quick jog to the kitchen to gather supplies.

“So, the name of this game is “Never Have I Ever,” Jared tells him as he sets the two shot glasses and a bottle of Jack Daniels on the table in front of Jeff’s couch. “Do you know how to play?”

“Yes, Jared, I know how to play,” Jeff says. Jared looks cute when he’s being serious.

“Cool.” He pours them each a shot and holds it up for Jeff to take. “We start by taking a shot together.” They clink glasses and each down the liquid.

“Okay,” Jared says. “I’ll start easy.” He’s pouring Jeff another drink, like he knows he’s going to get Jeff to drink. “Never have I ever played on an organized basketball team.”

Jeff rolls his eyes and takes the shot.

“For real? Trader! When?” Jared says, feigning real shock.

“One year when I was 8, my parents convinced me it would make me well rounded.” Jared smiles and pours them both a new glass.

“Your turn.”

Jared thinks about it for second, trying to come up with something clever but after 30 seconds of thinking spits out, “Never have I ever lived on a farm,” because he wants Jared to be even with him.

“Fucking cheater,” Jared says, but he takes the shot anyways. He fills his glass again and says, “Never have I ever kissed a girl.”

“Shut up, you’re lying.” He doesn’t believe him, at all. Jared shrugs his shoulder a little bit and points to Jeff’s shot glass. “Not even on the playground when you in Grade School? Not even truth or dare in Middle School?”

“Never,” Jared says with a small smirk on his face. “My first kiss was with Tyler Nelson, grade 7 in the boys bathroom after lunch.”

“Wow,” Jeff says and takes the shot. “What a gold fucking star gay you are, eh?”

“Damn right.” The smile on Jared’s face is proud, maybe the proudest smiles he’s ever seen Jared make.

“Okay,” Jeff says, stalling to think of something good, “Never have I ever worked a job other than hockey.”

“Does working on the sod farm count?” Jared asks.

“Of course.” That’s why he said it.

“Fine.” Jared downs the shot and pours himself another. “Never have I ever participated in a figure skating competition.”

Jeff doesn’t say anything in response. He picks the cup up and swallows it. After, he holds the cup out for Jared to refill. He’s starting the feel it, in his gut and in his head. He can tell Jared is too because his face is red, his hand a little shaky.

“Your turn,” Jared says once he’s filled the glass.

“Never have I ever,” Jeff says and then stops, thinking. “Slept with a teammate.”

He sees Jared rolls his eyes and take the shot in his glass. His arm is on the down swing when his eyes get wide and he opens his mouth wide, “I’m your fucking teammate!”

“Oh!” Jeff says because he didn’t even think about that little nugget of fact. “You’re right. I mean, never anyone, like in my locker room, or something.”

“Wow, Skinner, now I know how you truly see me,” Jared says sounding legitimately annoyed.

“No, no, no, no, come on, Jared,” he says reaching out to put his hand on Jared’s thigh. “Look, I’ll take a shot, too.” He drinks the shot in his glass and slams it down on the table. “Forgive me?” he says, half smiling to play up the dimples.

“I’m going to give you three options to how you can make it up to me, because you just bruised my ego, but I like you.” Jared looks devious, but Jeff kind of likes it.

“Okay, what are my options?”

“Your first option is that you can blow me outside on your back yard deck,” Jared says pointing out the back windows.

Jeff slightly shakes his head no and says, “What’s the second?”

“The second is I can use that toy I found in the bottom drawer of your bathroom under the Sports Illustrated magazines on you.”

Jeff blushes a little, embarrassed that what he thought was a great hiding spot obviously isn’t. “Or?”

“Or,” Jared says, pausing, building. “You can fuck me, right here, over your couch.” He says it with oozing confidence.

Jeff doesn’t say anything right away. He’s overwhelmed with the thought of ANY of these things happening. They haven’t done that yet, the actual fucking.

“I’m just going to be over here, slowly taking my clothes off while you decide,” Jared says walking over to the chair taking his shirt off.

Jeff wants to fuck him, he really does, so why does he hesitate in telling him that is what he obviously chooses? He looks over to Jared who’s down to just his Under Armour underwear. He has just as many freckles on his torso as his back and Jeff wants to count them all.

He walks over to Jared once he’s naked, taking off his own shirt on the short walk over. When he’s close enough, he puts his face against Jared’s-cheek to cheek-and says, “I choose number three,” quietly into his ear.
_____

If Jeff had to title Sunday afternoon he would call it, “See how long we can sit on the couch without talking about what time it is.” Because they’ve been sitting on his couch in various positions for the better part of the last 3 hours watching a Law and Order marathon. The weight of Jared having to leave hangs in the air.

“Can I ask you something?” Jared says during a commercial break. He’s got his legs draped over Jeff’s thighs because he’s taller and needed to stretch his knees out.

“Yea,” Jeff says, hoping it isn’t a question about what time he needs to leave in order to get home because Jeff doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Have you noticed if Eric is trying to, like, start dating again?” Jared says instead.

“Um,” Jeff says, trying to think if he has noticed Eric talking about dating. “Not really? I think he is trying to just concentrate on the boys and stuff.”

“Yea,” Jared says and the commercial break is over. But, after another minute Jared speaks up again. “Does he go out at away games at least?”

“Sometimes,” Jeff says. He will come get a beer after a win, but he is usually back in his room after one.

“And you never see him checking out any dudes or ladies while you guys are out?” Jared asks.

“What?” Jeff says, and then quickly follows it up with, “What do you mean dudes or ladies?” As far as he is concerned, there would never be a reason Eric would be checking out dudes. That’s Jeff thing.

“I mean, since he got divorced I thought he might want to try hooking up with dudes again,” Jared says, nonchalant as hell.

“I thought he’d dated Tanya for forever,” Jeff says, he didn’t think there was anyone else for Eric, ever.

“Yea, but back in Jr’s he hooked up with a few dudes. Tanya was cool with it and everything.”

This information blows Jeff’s mind a little bit. He knows married father Eric, who even is experimental teenage Eric?

“And he told you this?” Jeff asks, completely valid question.

“Yea,” Jared says in the same nonchalant tone he’s had for the whole conversation. “I mean, only when I came out to him, he told me about it. I think he was trying to make me feel better, you know, because I was nervous as hell when I told him.”

That makes sense because that’s Captain Eric and Jeff definitely knows that guy.

“Huh,” Jeff says. “I don’t recall seeing him checking anyone out while we’ve been out.” It seems safer to go back to the original point of the conversation.

“I hope he does soon, ya know,” Jared says, cute and concerned. “What Tanya did was shitty and he deserves a good person.”

“Yea,” Jeff agrees. “Totally.”
_____

On Monday morning Jeff wakes up alone. It shouldn’t be so much of a shock to his system because he’s only had someone in his bed for 2 mornings compared to the hundreds of mornings alone.

He decides to head to the rink early to ride the bike and get the cobwebs out from not working out, in a traditional sense, the last two days. When he gets there, he sees that he’s not the only one who has had this idea. Almost all the bikes are filled with his teammates. The only one available is the one right behind Eric. Who’s been riding for a while judging by the amount of sweat accumulated on his t-shirt.

He gives Jeff a little head nod in greeting and Jeff takes position behind him. After another 10 minutes, Eric takes his shirt off. Jeff tries not to make it look like he is staring. But, he’s concentrating and he’s daydreaming. He’s listening to this song by City and Colour that Jared had told him about and watching the rise and fall of Eric’s shoulders. They are broader than Jared’s and contain less freckles, but they still have the same skin tone and similar movements, in a way that only genetics can make happen. He’s transfixed. Whether it’s from the sight of Eric or the memory of Jared, he can’t comprehend.
_____

He has dinner at Eric’s two times the next week. They are on a home stand and Katie’s a great cook. Plus, he figures he owes it to Parker to make up for missing the Children’s Museum.

“I never asked you how your visit with your sister went,” Katie says to him as he is helping her do the dishes. Eric is up putting his boys to sleep.

“Yea,” Jeff starts, “It was good.” He has the feeling that he wants to tell Katie the truth. Tell her he lied and he hasn’t seen any of his sisters in months, since the off season, but he knows he can’t-her allegiance lies elsewhere.

“That’s good,” she says absentmindedly. They fall into a comfortable silence with her washing and him drying until she breaks it. “I think Eric really likes having you around, you know.”

Jeff can’t help but smile, “I like it around here.”

“You’ve been a huge help since the whole divorce. He was kind of drowning for a while there after. But, after he told you and Jordan, you really stepped up and helped him out with everything.”

Her comments make Jeff feel like he just got a trophy for winning first place. “Thanks, I mean, that’s what friends and teammates are for.”

“Yea, but, you know, he’s the captain, he isn’t used to other people stepping up for him,” Katie continues and Jeff wants her to stop.

“Yea,” is all he can come up with because now he’s feeling like he spilt the milk and ran out of the kitchen before anyone could see who did it.
_____

A four game road trip follows the homestand.

Jordan knocks on his door in the second city, Toronto, and when Jeff opens the door he says, “So, Marc, Jared and I are on a mission to get Eric hooked the fuck up and I am asking for your help.”

“Um, okay,” Jeff says, letting him into the room. “What exactly do you want me to do?”

“You need to convince him to come out with us tonight after the game.”

“Why do I have to? Why can’t you?” Jordan sits down in the chair by the table like he thinks he’s going to stay awhile. Jeff was planning on calling Jared and then lying down for his pre-game nap. He doesn’t want this to take a while.

“Because he listens to you,” Jordan tells him like it was obvious.

“Not really.”

“Yes, he does, more than me or Cam or Faulk, or anyone else on the team, come on,” Jordan says in a pleading tone.

In the spirit of not wanting this to last too long, rather than actual agreement in what is being said, Jeff nods his head and says, “Alright, okay.”

“Awesome,” Jordan says getting up, “Knew I could count on you Skins.”

Jeff fist bumps Jordan and watches him leave. The moment the door closes he picks his phone up to call Jared.

“Hey babe,” Jared says in greeting, “it’s pre-nap call time, eh?”

“Did you tell Jordan I would help him with getting Eric to go out and hook up with someone?” Jeff says in response.

“Um, no?”

“Are you sure, you don’t sound very sure.”

“I think I’m sure. I mean, no offense, but I try not to bring you up in conversation with my brothers.”

“Alright, then, maybe this isn’t your fault,” Jeff says. He does believe him. He might be a little less uptight about telling Eric and Jordan about them, but he still agrees it’s not the best idea, yet.

“Yea. But, it’s a good thing, right? Getting Eric out there?”

“Yea, of course, I just don’t know why, like, I’m supposed to be the one in charge of it,” Jeff stammers out because he’s uncomfortable with his role in this plan and with this conversation.

“Because he listens to you best, duh.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? I don’t think that’s true.” It’s not true, no matter how many people tell him.

“It kind of is. He’s felt some sort of weird responsibility for you ever since rookie year, trust me.”

Jeff makes a “pfft” noise in disagreement. He hasn’t been a rookie for a few years now, the whole mentor thing is over.

“It’s true, don’t pfft me. Jordan tells me about it all the time and I have to tell him to shut up because I can’t listen to how much my older brother loves and adores you.”

“Come on.”

“Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but he does listen to you more than anyone else.”

“Whatever. I don’t think so.”

“It’s true. And it’s time for your nap. Call me before you guys go out tonight, okay?”

“Yea, okay. Miss you.”

“Miss you, too. Good luck in the game, beat them fucking Leafs.”
_____

Jeff leans over to Eric after the game, a win, and says, “So, you’re coming out with me and the boys tonight, eh?”

Eric smiles at him and says, “Sure.”

Just like that he agrees. No talk about how he will need to call Katie first to see how the boys are, or some comment about how he’ll need to get to bed early because they have bus call tomorrow. He agrees.

Jeff chalks it up to his two point game and the team win. But, he does text Jared when he gets a chance to get his phone out. ‘Maybe you’re all right-he agreed.’

‘Told ya. Have fun-don’t do anything i wouldn’t ;)’

He tells Jordan in the showers that Eric agrees and Jordan breaks a cardinal rule by giving him a high five.

“I knew he would listen to his little Skins.”

He doesn’t feel comfortable with this conversation in their current state so he rolls his eyes and turns the other direction.
_____

After 4 beers, Eric has gone from smiley and reluctantly playful to fucking angry and miserable. The boys have dipped to a table near the back where a few of the singles guys are talking to cute local girls while the marrieds play each other in pool. Jeff is stuck with Eric at the bar.

“I just don’t think I’ll get over it, Skins,” Eric says for the 14th time.

“You will though, Eric, you are,” Jeff says back for the same amount of times.

“I don’t know, man, you’re supposed to get married once, man, one time.” The bartender sets down another glass full of Bud Light and Jeff tells him this is the last one.

“Tons of people get divorced,” Jeff says morosely.

“Yea, but my wife CHEATED on me Skinner, she found someone ELSE.”

Jeff’s only known about the infidelity for about a month. He and Jordan pried it out of him one night after a few games of poker. He’s was shocked, he didn’t see Tanya being capable of something like that.

“Eric, come on, you’ll find someone else, okay? And she gave to two of the greatest little boys ever, right?”

Eric’s lips creep into a small semblance of a smile at the mention of his kids.

“Yea,” Eric says, distant. “I don’t know if I’ll find someone else, though.”

“Why not? You’re rich, attractive and talented.”

“With two kids and a job that keeps me away for half the year.” Eric takes the last pull of his beer.

“Okay, we’re fucking leaving. I can’t listen to you wallow anymore.”

Eric looks over at him with a look of both astonishment tinged with a little bit of hurt. “Fine, Skinner, take me home then.”

Eric doesn’t say much in the cab, which is a relief because Jeff honestly doesn’t think he can handle much more talking.

When they get in the elevator, however, he starts up again. “You’re a good fucking kid, Jeffery,” he says. His eyes are swollen and red, it shouldn’t be attractive. But, somehow it is to Jeff.

“Thanks, man. That’s what friends are for.”

“You’re a good friend.” Jeff doesn’t mind this talk so much, he can take praise, even the drunken kind.

“You are, too.”

The door opens and Jeff steps out of the elevator. He walks ahead of Eric a few steps, having grabbed his room key out of his wallet back at the bar. He gets to Eric’s room and opens the door to let him in. Eric enters the room and Jeff doesn’t intend to follow.

“Drink some water,” he says from the doorway.

“Yea, yea,” Eric says taking his shoes off. “You really are a good friend, though, you know that?” he continues before Jeff can close the door. He gets up to walk towards the bathroom and looks Jeff in the eye. “Even if you did hook up with my little brother.”

A wave of shock comes over Jeff. He immediately says, “What are you talking about?” before he can think about saying anything else.

“I saw the hickeys on his neck after that one night we were playing poker.”

Jeff doesn’t say anything. Because he doesn’t have anything TO say.

“It’s alright, man, I get why he would come onto you,” Eric says walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

Jeff continues to stand in the doorway for a second when he hears, “Goodnight Skinner,” from through the bathroom door.

“Night,” Jeff says stepping out of the doorway.
_____

Jeff can’t decide whether he should call Jared. Eric’s level of drunkenness could lead to him forgetting what he said to Jeff. But, that doesn’t really change the fact that he knows. He kind of knows, at least. He doesn’t know that they are STILL hooking up, just that they did one time. At least they have been discreet enough to not let anyone catch on to their continued relationship.

And, sometimes Jeff thinks that Eric would be happy for them because Jared’s his brother and Jeff’s his friend and they are happy together. But, he also still has a crush on Eric, and he thinks, sometimes, that he would leave Jared if Eric asked him to, but he KNOWS that will never happen. Because, he just got divorced and he’s heartbroken. And Jeff is too young and too male. But, then Jared told him that Eric likes dudes.

It all swirls inside his head until he eventually falls asleep, without calling Jared, hoping Eric’s memory is hazy in the morning.
_____

Eric doesn’t say anything to him over the next few days about Jared. He only thanks Jeff for getting him back to the hotel room because Jordan told him that he saved them all from listening to his whining for another hour.

Jeff tells Jared about the funny stories, Eric refusing to talk to anyone any of his teammates brought over, him giving any drinks sent over to him to the group of trainers in corner of the bar, how he started to wallow after his BAC got over the legal limit. He doesn’t mention what happened when he brought Eric back to his room. He’s convinced he doesn’t remember.

Instead, he talks about how he has a home stand coming up and he can drive to Jared’s place because he hasn’t been the one to make the trip yet. Jared tells him he is really sweet, but he has 4 roommates who all know who he is and bringing their Calder trophy winning teammate back to his place probably isn’t the best idea. So, they settle on getting a hotel room in Charlotte for a night.

Jeff’s looking forward to it, because he’s young and horny, and he misses Jared’s enthusiasm, his smile (which he can see in Eric and Jordan, but it’s not the same when he knows it’s just for him), and his way of seeing things.

Things with Jared are simple, easy, natural. There’s no pressure, there’s a genuine enjoyment of each others company.

So, why has a feeling of guilt crept into his stomach? Does he feel guilty for seeing Jared or crushing on Eric? Who does he feel like he has to confess to?

He doesn’t know. His mind changes every 5 minutes.

What he does do is turn down both of Eric’s lunch invitations. And he answers Jared’s next couple phone calls with text messages about how he’s busy with promo shoots and he’ll see him on Saturday.

And on Saturday he lies to Eric about why he can’t come over for dinner with Jordan and Cam and drives to Charlotte to see a smile he hasn’t seen in a month, no matter how many times he sees the twinges in the Staal’s he gets to see on a daily basis.
_____

He has himself 70% convinced that he is going to either break up with Jared or tell him they have to tell Eric and Jordan. He needs some sort of forward momentum from this trip. And, by the time he pulls into the parking lot, he’s 65% sure he’s not going to break up with Jared. So, this is their last time together in secret.

Jared’s already in the room when he gets there. Jeff can hear the TV through the door. He knocks, and when Jared opens the door he only manages a quick glance at the smile he’s been longing to see before he’s kissing him hard and needy.

He’s never kissed Jared like this, like it might be the last one, like he needs to prove to him the longing. When they pull away, they both need a second to catch their breath.

“Missed ya,” Jared says, his breath still quickened.

“You too,” Jeff says, kissing him again. Jared leads them back to the bed and lays down allowing Jeff to crawl on top of him.

The sweatshirt he’s wearing quickly becomes uncomfortably hot. He sits back on his knees to take it off and once he does, Jared is up on his elbows looking at Jeff, a little bewildered, a little in awe.

“I don’t think we’ve said Hi,” Jared says, lips red.

“Hey,” Jeff says and dips his head back down to re-attach their lips.

They kiss with him on top of Jared, deep and searching, until Jared pushes Jeff sideways onto his back. He climbs on top of Jeff, grabbing the sides of his face. “I’ve never seen you like this before, Skinner.”

Jeff winces at the use of his last name, like they are in the locker room. “Been awhile,” he says and grabs the back of Jared’s neck bringing their mouths back together.

He doesn’t want to talk. He hopes Jared understands, if not, he’s going to make him. Because he needs this right now, the feel of their bodies pressed together, Jared’s tongue battling his. He needs this before the talking.
_____

They decide to watch a movie, naked and smelling of sweaty sex, because Jared wants to cuddle and it’s 4 in the afternoon-too late for a nap, too early for dinner.

“Comedy,” Jeff says as Jared gets to the categories page.

“Come one, action,” Jared fights back.

“Okay, fine. Comedy or action,” Jeff agrees. “You choose.” He leans his shoulder on Jared’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He has his eyes closed for maybe 45 seconds when he hears sounds coming from the TV again.

“I went with comedy,” Jared says quietly, kissing the side of his head.

“Good,” Jeff says, opening up his eyes.

After the movie, he tells himself, after the movie he’ll tell Jared they’ve got to spill.
____

Jeff falls asleep during the movie. He’s awoken by Jared’s mouth on his dick.

After this, he tells himself, after the BJ’s he’ll tell Jared they need to tell everyone.
_____

He kisses Jared goodbye in the hallway of their hotel room for a good 5 minutes. If he keeps his mouth busy, he won’t say anything he’ll regret later.

So he whispers goodbye in Jared’s ear for the 3rd time and then captures his lips again. Their raw, his are too, but just one more.

“I think,” Jared says, their foreheads touching, “I think I’m the next one up.”

Jeff smiles, “Yea?”

“Yea, I mean, I don’t want anyone to get hurt, but.” Jared turns his head away, looking toward the bathroom, then back to Jeff. “I’m next.”

“Can’t wait,” Jeff says. He kisses Jared cheek, his forehead, gently his lips. “See you soon.”

“Can’t wait,” Jared says back.

Jeff leaves without saying anything he planned on the ride up. He leaves with raw lips and a sense that it’s going to be okay.
_____

He spends the ride home listening to music way too loud in hopes of blocking out the thoughts of doubt in his head. He doesn’t want to think about how much he likes Jared. How much he doesn’t want his relationship with him to have to change and be any different from their vacuum of happy.

He doesn’t want to think about how his feelings for Eric have changed, too. Because Eric has always been someone he’s been into. He’s always approached his interactions with Eric in that precarious way you do when you feel something for someone else, but now he finds himself feeling differently.

Now, he’s into Jared and he doesn’t know how he feels about Eric. Because he’s tried to step up and be there for him after his divorce, but now he feels like the line of their friendship has been blurred a bit. Blurred with how much time he spends with Eric and his kids. Blurred because Eric's been acting a little differently towards him lately.

He turns the music up a few notches more and starts to sing along.
_____
The moment he gets inside Raleigh city limits, his phone buzzes with a text message from Eric.

‘come over for dinner. don’t turn me down.’

A few seconds later another one comes through.

‘the boys are gone. I’ll order pizza.’

After another minute, he tries his best not to text and drive, another.

‘all the married dudes already turned me down. come on.’

He knows he needs to go home, take a shower so he doesn’t smell like hotel, or Jared. He needs to gather himself, put some fucking chap stick on. But, he can have dinner with Eric. He should since he’s turned him down the last two times. Friends have dinner together.

‘I’ll be over in an hour.’ He writes at the next red light.

‘Yessss.’ is Eric’s response.
_____

Eric ordered his favorite kind of pizza.

He’s already two beers in when Jeff arrives, freshly showered, shaved, and moisturized. He walks into the living room where Eric is parked on the couch. Pizza boxes open and Hockey Night in Canada on the TV.

“Come sit,” Eric says, “I got that fucking white sauce shit you like.”

Jeff sits down and picks a piece up, he lives for this pizza. “Thanks.”

Eric tips his chin down in acknowledgement. “Pittsburgh vs Tampa Bay on Hockey Night. Doesn’t get much better than this.”

“Agreed,” Jeff says with a mouth full of pizza. He washes it down with the Corona Eric had already opened for him. “I miss watching HNIC every weekend.”

“Me too. This show is the highest form of art,” Eric says seriously. And Jeff agrees with him wholeheartedly.

After two periods, two pizzas and 4 beers each, Jeff is having a great time. He’s not worrying about the whole telling Eric about Jared thing, or him pussing out on bringing it up to Jared. He’s simply having a good time hanging out with his teammate, watching hockey and eating pizza.

Eric is clearly a little tipsier than Jeff, but he’s not drunk. He’s just expressing his thoughts more freely than he usually does. This leads to him posing this question at the beginning of the third period.

“If you could fuck any hockey player,” he says looking right in the eyes, “in the entire NHL who would it be?”

It takes Jeff a second to believe what he just heard. Then, once he mulls it over for a couple seconds he says, “Probably Jonathan Toews. You?”

“Sidney Crobsy,” Eric says without hesitation. He’s already has a goal and 2 assists in the game they’ve been watching.

“Predictable,” Jeff says, sly smile on his face.

“Fuck you. Why Jonathan Toews?”

“He has two Stanley Cups. Two. And he’s only like 25. And he’s one of the best players in the NHL and is a guaranteed Hall of Famer.” Not that Jeff’s thought about this before. He’s just played against Toews and he always finds a way to make his team better. Always.

“Crosby has a cup,” Eric says, looking unconvinced. “And, I do, too.”

Jeff rolls his eyes because he knows both of these things, and did he really think Jeff would say him, here in his living room?

“He has two in 4 years. And Olympic gold.”

“I have a gold medal, too. Do you want to see it?” Eric says moving closer to Jeff on the couch.

“I’ve already seen it,” Jeff tells him. It’s on display in Eric’s office.

“I can go get it, it’s no problem. If you are into, you know, hardware.” Eric is right next to him now, their legs touching.

“I’ve really seen it before, Staal,” Jeff says because this is getting awkward. Eric is sitting so close and each of his last sentences have been progressively quieter the closer he got.

“Fine,” Eric says, almost in a whisper. “But, I’m going to change your mind.”

And then he kisses Jeff. Right here on his couch. In front of the empty pizza boxes, beer cans and Don Cherry’s 70 inch face.

He lets it happen for one beat, two, before he gently pushes Eric away. “Wait,” he says quietly.

“What?” Eric whispers back, staring at his lips.

“It’s just,” Jeff says, stops. “I have a boyfriend.”

Eric moves immediately away after the words come out of his mouth. “Shit,” he says standing up. “Sorry. Fuck. Who? Wait. It’s doesn’t matter. Sorry,” he spits out fast and without pause.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” Jeff says. He still seated on the couch, his lips buzzing, his head spinning.

“No, no, no. You didn’t do anything. Seriously. It’s all me, I’m sorry,” Eric says picking up his beer and chugging the rest of the bottle.

“I think I’ll go,” says Jeff getting up off the couch.

“No,” Eric says sitting back down. “Don’t. At least watch the end of the game.”

“I think it’s for the best if,” Jeff says because he was literally fucking Eric’s little brother 10 hours ago.

“No, come on, let’s pretend it never happened, okay? Just go back to what we were doing before. We can do that,” Eric says. Jeff’s never seen him so flustered. He’s rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, face red.

“Okay,” Jeff agree. He’s willing to do whatever he needs to make Eric stop freaking the fuck out.

“Good,” Eric says concentrating on the TV.

After the game Jeff helps him clean up the boxes and bottles, then leaves quickly while Eric runs out to the garage to bring the bottles out to the recycling.

Never in a million years did Jeff ever picture it happening this way.
=====

It’s an awkward week, to say the least. The times when they have to be in the same room, Eric tries not to start any conversations with Jeff. He lets Jeff come to him. Whether it’s out of respect, or embarrassment, or self-preservation, he’s not sure. It’s probably a mixture of all three.

What he does know is that he has gone over it all in his head a million times. All the way from the first time he met Jeff, as a rookie, to the moment to decided feed him pizza and beer, then kiss him on his couch. He thinks he’s been over every moment, every lingering smile and hand on the shoulder. Every sarcastic comment and act of genuine concern.

He doesn’t think he saw it wrong. Katie told him he wasn’t off base. Jeff’s cares. He’s been there when he needed him to be. He transformed from Eric’s rookie to his good friend. He said all the right things during the divorce and he’s gone to the Children’s Museum with him and his kids twice. He’s watched hours of Spongebob over lunches of peanut butter sandwiches. He’s dragged Eric out to the bar and then carried him home. Jeff is great. Too great. Of course he’s dating someone, he should be.

If what happens proves anything, it shows that Eric is a horrible friend. Because everything in the last 6 months has been about him, about how he feels and how his life sucks. Everyone asks him how he’s doing, but he never asks them back. At least not to the people closest to him, Jeff, Jordan, Katie. He knows nothing about how they are doing.

If he did he would have known that Jeff was seeing someone and he never would have assumed that he wanted to kiss him.

It’s a tough week punctuated by 3 horrible losses, a thigh contusion from a blocked shot and Parker has strep throat.

Then, on Saturday, one week removed, he gets a text from Jeff that reads: ‘i broke up with him.’ And Eric feels even more terrible for feeling so happy.
_____

He’s decided to not assume anything when it comes to Jeff. And that is why it takes two more days for Jeff to catch up with him on his way to his car after practice and say, “You should ask me on a date now.”

“Huh?” Eric says because he didn’t quite catch it.

“I said, you should ask me on a date, now,” Jeff repeats like a 5 year old.

“Oh, yea?”

“Yea, fuckface, come on.”

“Uh, Jeff, will you go on a date with me?” Eric’s heart speeds up when he says it, nervous from some reason.

“Yes, I will,” Jeff says with a smile on his face. “Pick a restaurant and pick me up at 7:00.”

He turns around and walks away. Eric watches him until he’s out of sight and gets in his car. He takes his phone out and texts Katie. ‘Date with Jeff tonight-where should I take him?’
_____

Eric went on his first date when he was in Grade 9. It was with a girl from his Math class and he’d only asked her out because Jordan told him he was too chicken to do it. Eric proved him wrong, and he spent 2 car rides with her dad driving, an entire movie, and 2 rounds on Pac Man in the theater arcade, sweating and talking about absolute nonsense.

His first date with Jeff is similar. He tries to steer clear of any sort of conversation about divorce, infidelity, who Jeff’s dated, or hockey. So, like his first date, he mostly tells stories about his brothers and the stupid things they’ve done.

Jeff listens, and smiles sometimes. And, when Eric asks him about life with his sisters (he has no clue what it is like to have sisters and Jeff has 5), he’ll tell him stories about recreating scenes from The Lion King and doing a lot of hair braiding.

But, other than that he looks generally uncomfortable. Even during Eric’s best stories about the time they helped Jared climb up to the top of this lifeguard stand at this beach in Duluth in the middle of winter and then refused to help him down until they saw the tears literally frozen to his face. Or, the time Marc and Jared were supposed to drive the tractor to pick up some dirt at the other side of the farm, but went through the McDonald’s drive thru instead.

At the end of the date, he drives Jeff home and when he offers to walk him to the door, Jeff looks at him and says, “Not yet, okay?”

“Of course, yea,” Eric says because he’s willing to go slow, as slow as Jeff wants.

“Cool,” Jeff says and jumps out of the car.

So, things end similar to the way his first date did, too. But, if Eric is honest, he finds it kind of charming.
_____

He can confidently say, for the first time since the bombshell night, that he feels good. When he lies in bed at night, he’s thinks about all the good things that happened during the day. The funny things Parker taught Levi how to say, the feeling of the puck on his stick, Jeff’s dimples. It’s a change from what it’s been the last 6 months. It’s a relief, one he’s been waiting for.

Their second date goes better than the first. They talk about hockey, Dexter (Eric’s favorite show-which he got Jeff into), and his kids. It’s a far superior choice of topics and they actually laugh together over bacon cheeseburgers, because Eric decided they were going to break all the rules to make this a better time.

And, at the end of the date, he let’s Eric come inside his place. They make out on the couch for at least 15 minutes and it’s fucking amazing. Not only because Eric hasn’t kissed anyone for months, but because it’s Jeff who is sweet in the best way and has super soft skin for a hockey player.

Jeff breaks their kiss eventually saying, “You should probably go.”

“Yea,” Eric says even though that is the last thing he wants to do right now.

“You told Katie you would be home by 11.”

Jeff stands up and straightens out his shirt. Eric joins him and follows him to the door.

“This was nice,” Eric says to him. Jeff nods his head and turns the door knob. Eric gives him a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Goodnight, Eric,” Jeff says to him and Eric leaves. He leaves with a spring in his step. A lightness he isn’t used to sticks with him on his drive home and he’s asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.
_____

Their third dates happens over room service in Eric’s room in Tampa Bay. He wanted to wait until they got back home to take Jeff on another proper date, but given the fact that they see each other every day, for large portions of the day, he can’t help himself. He needs to hang out with Jeff, just the two of them, before they get back from this home stand.

After dinner, they watch a movie, because by some sort of divine intervention, no one has knocked on his door yet. Jordan, at the very least, has usually bugged him about something stupid (like talking to his mom on the phone, when he just talked to her this morning, or a funny video he found that he knows Parker would love), but they have not been interrupted once.

Half way through the movie, he kisses Jeff. Something funny happened (Eric’s not paying much attention) and it makes Jeff laugh. Eric looks over and can’t help himself.

Jeff let’s him run with it, and matches his intensity. This is the first time they’ve kissed in a way which lets Eric think it might lead somewhere. Jeff is just as into it as he is, too. It’s intoxicating, it’s been so long, Eric thinks. So long since he’s had this feeling. Jeff is making him feel so many things thought he’d never feel again.

He pushes at Jeff’s shirt because he wants to touch, he wants to spread his hand across his bare back, and chest, and everywhere.

“Wait,” Jeff says, pushing his shirt back down. “I’m sorry, wait.”

Eric stops and looks at Jeff. His cheeks are red the same way they are after practice, and Eric wants to kiss him again, to start again.

“I’m sorry,” Jeff says again, looking away.

“No worries,” say Eric, tearing his eyes away from Jeff’s lips. “I get it.”

“It’s just,” Jeff says, “I just need a little more time since, you know.”

“Yea, yea, of course.” Who is this guy Jeff was dating, anyways? He’s tried not to ask Jeff about it because he doesn’t want to push, but he is super curious.

“I’m not a prude, though, you know,” Jeff says. Eric didn’t think he is. He’s still about 95% sure Jeff hooked up with his little brother that one time when they were playing poker, so he knows Jeff isn’t as innocent as he looks.

“I didn’t think that,” Eric says, reassuring. “Can I ask you something you might not want to talk about though?”

“Um, I guess?” Jeff says nervously.

“Who were you dating? Was it someone in Raleigh?”

Jeff scratches his head before answering, saying, “No, he doesn’t live in Raleigh.”

“Someone from back home then?”

Jeff shifts, turns his body towards Eric, “No, not from back home.”

“Is this making you uncomfortable, talking about it?”

Jeff is looking right at him, “I just was dating someone and then I broke up with him to date you and I’m not ready yet, okay?”

“Yea, sorry.” Eric feels bad because Jeff is obviously feeling incredibly guilty and he doesn’t know what to say to make him feel better. “You know, if you don’t want this,” Eric says swinging his finger back and forth between them. “You can tell me, no team repercussions, you know that right?”

“Yea, no, of course,” Jeff says, audibly breathing out. “I’ve had a thing for you for forever, you know that right? I just didn’t think it would ever happen, and it’s a little overwhelming, you know.”

“I know.” Eric’s relieved to hear Jeff actually say out loud that he’s into him. He’s never heard him say it.

“I think I’m gonna go to get a good night’s sleep for the game tomorrow,” Jeff says getting off the bed. “See you tomorrow.”

He walks out his room without looking back.

It’s progress, Eric thinks. Once he found out that Jeff had a boyfriend, he knew this wasn’t going to be a smooth road. He didn’t even think he’d have a road, he’s lucky he does. He’s lucky Jeff decided to give them a chance because he’s healing Eric in so many ways. And, it might make him super selfish, but he needs this.
_____

The phone rings 10 minutes before his wake up call. He’s ready to say some strong words to the incompetent front desk aid on the other other side of the phone when he picks it up.

“You’re early,” he grunts out, barely audible.

“It’s me, dumbass, not your wake up call,” Jordan says back to him, much more awake than he is.

“Why the fuck are you calling me right now?” He says rolling over, ready to get a few more minutes of precious sleep.

“You know how Westgarth left in the 3rd last night with the hammy strain?” He sounds much more chipper than Eric’s ever heard him at this time of day before in his life.

“Yea,” he says blandly back.

“He’s out two to four.”

“Shitty,” Eric says back because, it sucks they are down a good player, but this could have waited until bus call.

“And guess who is being called up to take his place?”

Eric thinks about it for a second, despite himself, and then it dawns on him, “Jared.”

“Fuck yes, little brother is on his way as we speak.”

Eric laughs a little bit because Jordan would be excited about this. Even though it has happened before, the three of them on the same professional ice together.

“Nice. I’ll give him a call after my wake up call which is now in 7 minutes.” He might be able to catch at least another 3 minutes of sleep.

“You better, he’ll want to hear from you.”

“Yes, BYE!” he says hanging up the phone.

It will be fun to have Jared around for a couple weeks, he vaguely thinks before drifting back off.
_____

It takes him half way through his shower before he thinks about how this situation, Jared joining the team, might be awkward with Jeff.

He’s still not 100% on the Jared/Jeff hook up, but he’s certain enough. He thinks the 5% doubt is mostly wishful thinking. But, either way, he knows that Jeff is a stand up dude, and so is his brother, they’ll be fine. He thinks he will even propose to Jeff that they tell both Jordan and Jared about their blossoming relationship. He didn’t want to jinx it, but 3 dates should be good enough.

But, then he thinks about last night and how apprehensive Jeff still is about everything. Maybe, he should wait it out, see if Jeff brings anything up.

He doesn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize this thing with Jeff.
======
Jared texts him at 6:00 in the morning, which must be right after he finds out.

‘got the call up to the bigs-i promise not to be weird.’

His stomach drops and his heart speeds up. He’s not ready to see him, he can’t because it will hurt. And, it’s not supposed to hurt when he broke up with Jared, that’s who it should hurt. But, Jeff knows when he sees him he will feel all the things, all the things that didn’t ever go away, they got trumped.

They got trumped by unrequited feelings suddenly becoming requited. They got trumped by Jeff's never ending doubt and constant thoughts. They never went away and, if he is being truly honest with himself, he knows they didn't actually get trumped at all.

He then realizes Eric’s going to be there, too. He will be in the room with them and he knows about the one time, the first time, and he starts to have what can only be described as a mild panic attack. He has to sit in the shower and tell himself it’s going to be okay over and over again until he can breath normally.

When he gets out, pruney and miserable, he knows he’s made a big mistake. The biggest mistake he’s ever made and he doesn’t even know how he can ever fix it.

Because he admires Eric, his leadership and his ability, how good of a dad he is and how well he takes care of his team. Eric is a guy who he saw when he was 18 years old and fell in love with in a young and unobtainable way. Never did he think he would find himself being kissed by Eric on his couch at 21.

Then there’s Jared. Who makes Jeff laugh and likes watching hours of TV in one sitting. He’s so fucking cute and secretly hot in all the ways Jeff likes. He’s older than Jeff, but not too much. He’s a little brother and Jeff’s a little brother. They can sit in a room together in comfortable silence because being with him is easy and great. And Jeff misses him.

He misses Jared and he admires Eric, and he cannot make it out of this situation without losing both of them.
_____
Eric sits next to him on the bus which is par for the course even before they started doing whatever it is they are doing (Eric calls it dating, Jeff can’t make himself say it because that’s too much and too little of a word to describe it).

“You hear about Westgarth?” Eric asks him once the bus starts moving.

“Yea, bummer,” Jeff replies, because he does feel bad for Kevin.

“Yea, did you hear who is taking his spot?” Eric says and looks Jeff in the eye.

“Jared, right?” Jeff tries to say casually, he’s not going to let his body betray him.

“Yea!” Eric says smiling, “My littlest brother finally makes his way back into the big club.”

“Good for him,” Jeff says, “He deserves it.”

“Definitely.” He looks like he wants to say more, to ask Jeff more questions, but he stops himself and looks ahead. After another couple of blocks, Semin changes seats to sit across from them to talk about game plan. Jeff breathes a sigh of huge relief.
_____

The relief only lasts until the end of the bus ride when Jordan slaps Eric on the back and says, “Jared just texted me that he’s here, should be in the locker room.” Jeff’s glad he’s walking in front of the two of them because there’s no way he can hide the panic on his face.

Eric subtly puts his hand on the small of Jeff’s back as they walk off the bus and he would be lying if he didn’t admit he contemplated running, fast, away down the street to anywhere other than the locker room where Jared Staal is going to be.

He doesn’t do it. He walks into the rink alongside everyone else and when he sees Jared-who has got the biggest, happiest smile on his face-he can’t help but smile, too. Because he looks so happy and that makes Jeff happy, too.
_____

Jared doesn’t make it weird, just like he promised. He gives Jared a handshake turned hug like he did everyone else and says, “Nice to see you, man.”

“You too, man,” Jeff spits out. And then Jared moves onto the next guy.

Later, on the ice during morning skate, Eric skates over to where he is practicing foot to stick maneuvers, and says, “Lunch?”

“Uh, I think I am going with Sutts and Cam to their favorite sandwich place-you want to come?”

“Nah,” Eric says, shoulders deflating a bit, “I should probably bring Jared somewhere, show him how it’s done.”

“That’d be nice,” Jeff says picking up with the drill.

“Yea,” Eric says and skates away.
_____

That night, Eric calls him from his room and asks him to come over. Jeff gives him some bullshit excuse about promising the trainer he would ice his hip and not move all night.

“You could do that here,” Eric says with a pleading tone.

“Yea, I know, but, with everything maybe it’s safer for me to hang here tonight,” Jeff tells him confidently.

“We should tell them,” Eric blurts out next.

“No,” Jeff says immediately, maybe a little too fast. “Not yet, okay?”

He hears Eric sigh, “Okay, yea.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, alright? Tell Parker and Levi I say goodnight when you talk to them.”

“Yea, I will, sleep well,” Eric says hanging up the phone.

He knows he needs to do something soon. He can’t keep Eric on the hook because he’s too chicken to deal with his life. That’s super unfair to him and Jeff can’t do that. And, he wants to come out of this situation with both guys not hating his guts.

He knows what he needs to do.

Because, Eric is great and amazing and everything he thought he wanted and he had to try. He had to give it a chance when it was being offered, but it’s different than he imagined.

Why it’s different could be the cause of a lot of things. The fact that he never truly thought he had a chance with Eric. The feelings he has for Jared. The timing of it all.

What he needs to do is talk to Jared. Explain it all to him, tell him the truth, see how he reacts, see if he’s got another chance.

He’ll take tonight. He’ll let Jared live inside being at the NHL level for tonight without raining on his parade. But, tomorrow he has to do it. No take backs.
_____
When Jeff broke up with Jared, he told him he wasn’t ready yet. That their relationship was great and Jared was great, but he needed to step away for a little bit to evaluate things. Because, he is young and needs to decide what he wants to do with his life. He never questioned his feelings for Jared, never questioned their connection, how well they worked together.

So, having to tell Jared that he broke up with him to try hooking up with his brother fucking sucks. But, he needs to man up, needs to say what he fucking feels to the person he fucking feels it for.

He texts Jared to ask him if he will come over to his room in the next city, Pittsburgh, because Jared has a roommate. ‘just want to talk’ Jeff says when Jared sends him a confused looking emoji.

‘okay, what time’ Jared sends back and Jeff tells him anytime he wants after dinner. He wants something to be on Jared’s terms.

He comes around 8:00pm. Jeff already had to field a phone call from Eric and give him another bullshit reason for why he couldn’t hang out.

Jared knocks on his door wearing a Hurricanes practice T and a pair of Hurricanes basketball shorts and he questions his want to “just talk” for a second. This is something he never had with Eric. At least not in a real way.

“Thanks for coming,” Jeff says and Jared follows him into the room. He takes a seat on his bed, Jared in the chair.

Jeff looks down at his hand trying to work up to courage.

“What’s up, Jeff?” Jared eventually says.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Jeff starts quietly. Jared looks at him softly, encouraging him to continue. “And I’m sorry and I’m scared.”

“Just say it,” Jared advises shifting his body in the chair.

“I broke up with you because,” he says, then stops. He looks away towards the TV, which is providing some much needed background noise, then back to Jared. He patiently waits for Jeff to continue. “Because Eric kissed me on his couch and then I went on a few dates with him.”

“Eric, as in my brother Eric?” Jared says fairly calm.

“Yea, Eric Staal,” Jeff tells him like that matters.

“So, are you trying to tell me your dating my brother?”

He doesn’t even look that mad and Jeff kind of hates him for it. But, actually, he loves him for it.

“No, I mean, yes. But, what I really want to say is I don’t want to date Eric. I want to date you.” It feels good to say it outloud because he hasn’t even let himself say it in his head. It felt like too much betrayal and he does not like that feeling.

“But you were dating me,” Jared says. He’s looking a little more worked up. He’s got his elbow on the table next to him, his other hand is threading through his hair.

“I know and it was great and you are great and I never should of broke up with you,” Jeff tells him. He has to tell him everything.

“But you did because my brother kissed you?”

“Yea. Look, I’m going to tell you the truth, okay?” Jared nods his head. “I’ve had a crush on Eric ever since my rookie year. He took good care of me as a rookie and we had fun together. But, he was married with kids, so I never thought anything would even happen with us. Like, it was impossible. But, then the whole divorce happened and the cheating and I tried my best to help him out with the boys and hanging out and shit.” He stops to take a deep breath.

“And?” Jared says, the anger a little closer to the surface now.

“And then you came over to play poker that one night and you were so funny and cute and you came onto me and I liked it. You know? At first I thought it might be because you were Eric’s brother and whatever, but then I realized it was because of you. I like you, Jared. And being with you is so good and simple and hot and everything.”

Jared looks at him with a confused look on his face, like he’s going to need a second to digest it all.

Jeff starts talking again when Jared doesn’t say anything, “Then Eric kissed me and I didn’t know what to do because, like, I’ve had a thing for him for forever. And, we’ve all been trying to get him to get over Tanya and for some reason he kissed me. So, I broke up with you. But, like, things with him don’t feel right, you know?”

“They don’t feel right?”

“I mean I haven’t had sex with him, but, like, whenever I was with him I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Jared stands up and starts to pace around the room. He walks over towards the bathroom, then back towards Jeff. “Does he know anything about us?”

“No, nothing,” Jeff says, then remembers, “Well that one time after he got drunk at the bar and I brought him back, he said something to me about how he knew I had hooked up with you after the poker game, but I don’t think he remembers because he never said anything about it again.”

“Yea, Marc mentioned something to me about him asking if I was dating anyone after that night,” Jared says. He’s still pacing up and down the room.

“But he has no idea about our relationship,” Jeff says. He wants to grab Jared’s hand and stop him from pacing, make him sit down next to Jeff and put his head on his shoulder.

“So what are you trying to say to me exactly, Jeff?”

“I’m trying to tell you I made a huge mistake and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m trying to say I want to be with you and.”

“And?”

“And I have no idea how to tell Eric. I can’t crush him again after everything he’s been through.”

“But, you want to be with me and not him?” Jared asks looking him right in the eye.

“Yes. If you’ll have me,” Jeff tells him.

Jared walks back towards the door and stops there. After staring at the emergency exit map for a minute he turns around and walks back toward him.

“I don’t know if I should punch you or kiss you right now, Jeffery Skinner.”

Jeff smiles because he can’t not. “I would honestly take either one, Jared.”

“I hate how much I like you.”

“I like you so much Jared, I do.”

“But, you have got yourself into a huge fucking mess with Eric.” Jared sits back down in the chair. He’s here to stay, Jeff thinks.

“I know. I’m so sorry,” Jeff says moving to the edge of the bed to be closer to him.

“He doesn’t deserve to be hurt again,” Jared says, not moving any closer to Jeff.

“I know. I messed up,” Jeff says throwing himself back onto to the bed. “I messed up so bad, Jared.”

“You really did,” Jared says. Jeff knows he deserves this but he selfishly wants Jared to give him a big hug and tell him everything is going to be okay. “You’re lucky I like your fucking face.”

Jeff sits up and Jared is standing at the edge of the bed looking down at him with a small grin on his face.

“I really like your face,” Jared says again. He takes the sides of Jeff’s face in his hands and rubs his thumbs across his cheekbones.

Jeff melts into the contact. “I really like your face, too. A lot.”

Jared's got Jeff's face in his hands. He's searching his face with both his eyes and his thumbs. He looks like he is trying to decide what he wants to do. He goes from looking pissed at him to looking at him like he did in the hotel room in Charlottle.“

"I’m not kissing you until you break up with my brother,” Jared eventually says.

Jeff wants to scream. But, he knows he can’t. The fact that Jared is still in this room, let alone forgiving him, is a fucking miracle.

On one hand, he wants to march over to Eric’s room right now and tell him everything so Jared will spend the night with him. But, he knows he needs to be gentle with Eric. He needs to go in with a plan.

"Will you help me figure out how to tell him?" Jeff asks Jared.

"You got yourself into this mess and you need to get yourself out," Jared tells him making his way to the door.

"I'm so sorry Jared. Truly," Jeff says, craning his neck to look at Jared who is standing at the door now.

"Just make it right, okay?" He gives Jeff one last look before leaving.

He's got to make it right.
_____

His big plan is to stall until they get back to Raleigh, then go over to Eric’s and explain everything to him at his place. Maybe that will help ease the pain, or something.

He manages to get through the next game without acting too weird in the presence of both of the guys he’s "dating." Or should he say, the brothers he’s dating. And, he resists the urge to kiss Jared’s fucking face every time he sees him while simultaneously resisting Eric’s attempts to get them in a room alone together. Honestly, it’s fucking exhausting.

But, he makes it and after a good nights sleep in his own bed he drives over to Eric’s place at 11 o'clock on a Tuesday morning.

Eric is in the kitchen going through his mail when Jeff walks in his house. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt like he actually went out into the world this morning instead of slept in until 10:00 like Jeff did.

“Hey,” he says when he sees Jeff. He walks over and gives him a quick hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Look Eric, I came over here because I need to tell you something.” This is other part of his plan-start right away, no small talk.

“Yea? Is it bad?” Eric asks him, eyebrows raising.

“Um, I don’t know, I guess?” Jeff wants to sit down on one of the chairs at the breakfast bar, but stops himself because Eric is standing, so he’s going to stand.

“I thought things have been kind of weird for the last week,” Eric tells him. He’s got his arms crossed and he’s leaning up against the stove.

Jeff’s across the kitchen from him, leaning against the refrigerator. There’s an island between them.

“Yea, I want to start by saying that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being selfish and stupid.”

“What is it, Jeff?”

“Okay, so, you know how I was dating someone and I broke up with them before we started going on dates?”

Eric nods his head. His arms are still crossed and Jeff tries not to get discouraged by his captain stance.

“It was Jared. Jared was who I was dating,” he says quick.

Eric straightens up, uncrosses his arms and says, “My little brother Jared?”

“Yea, Jared Staal,” Jeff says like a fucking idiot.

“Wow,” Eric says recrossing his arms. “Wow.”

“I’m sorry we never told you. We didn’t want to, like, I don’t know.”

Eric searches his face for a few seconds. Jeff’s not sure what he is looking for, but he hopes he finds how sorry he is.

“So, you'd been secretly dating my brother and then you broke up with him to date me?"

"Yea, I'm so sorry, Eric. I'm sorry that we never told you and I'm sorry I lied to you a bunch of times about where I was going and I'm sorry the most about our relationship and, like," he pauses because he needs to work up the courage. Needs some fresh air in his lungs to do it.

"Just spit out what you want to say," Eric says, angry and interrupting Jeff's deep breath.

Jeff feels that Eric probably already gets it. He knows what Jeff is here to say because he knows how distant he's been since Jared came up.

“I’m sorry and I never should have lead you on and I want to explain why,” Jeff says then takes a another deep breath, “And tell you the truth, mostly.”

Eric steps away from the stove and walks over past Jeff to sit down at the breakfast bar. Jeff turns around to face him, moving to lean his hip against the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“So do it, tell me everything.”

And Jeff does. He tells Eric about his schoolboy crush, and how horrible he felt after the divorce. He tells him about how he wanted to help him in any way he could and how close he feels to Parker and Levi. Then, he tells him about Jared and the poker night. Tells him about how Jared would come to meet him and how surprised he was that he fell so hard for Jared. He tells him, at first, he thought he only liked Jared because he looked like Eric and how fast that changed. Jeff tells him that when Eric kissed him he had never felt so confused in his life. He tells him about not wanting to hurt Eric in any way because of what he’s already been through. He tells him about when he realized he made a mistake and how he told Jared everything. He tells him every part of the the truth.

At the end, after his anger turned into concern, Eric looks at him and thanks him. He thanks Jeff for telling him everything. And it kind of makes Jeff want to cry.

When he moves to leave Eric gives him a hug and tells him it’s okay. He reassures Jeff over and over he’s going to be okay, he walks him to the door and says, “Be good to my little brother, Skinner. He’s got three very protective older brothers.”

“Got it,” Jeff says smiling.

He might be the luckiest man in the world right now.
_____

He calls Jared on the way home.

“Hey,” Jared says, sounding like he’s out of breath.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Running on Jordan’s treadmill.”

“Oh, alright,” Jeff says oddly charmed that Jared is working out on their off day.

“Yea, so what’s up?”

“I just left Eric’s.”

“Oh yea? How’d it go?” Jared sounds nervous. More nervous than even Jeff.

“I told him everything. And he took it, well, I think.”

“Everything?”

“Yea, everything.”

“Wait, wait, hold up, I’m getting a text,” Jared says. After a few seconds he hears Jared lightly laugh.

“Who is it from?”

“Break Skinner’s heart and I will come after you, blood or no blood.”

Jeff laughs because what else can he do? “Your brother’s one of a kind.”

“I actually have two more of those.”

“He told me the same thing, you know,” Jeff says because he wants Jared to know. “He told me to be good to you.”

“Maybe he is one of a kind,” Jared tells him with fondness in his voice.

“Dinner later?”

“I have plans with Jordan but after that?”

“Yea, sure. Call me?”

“I will, babe,” Jared says. Jeff can see the smile in his voice and he smiles, too. Because he did it, and his body feels lighter than it he in weeks and he has his boyfriend back.

“Bye babe," Jeff happily returns the sentiment.

He's got Jared back.
=====

Eric’s going to be okay. He is. Jeff helped him out in a lot of ways and he can’t forget the good things.

He’s going to be okay.

After he texts Jared, he calls Marc.

He calls Marc to tell him everything and to try to convince him he’s going to be okay.

Because he doesn't have much a choice. And because Jeff showed him that it isn't over for him, he can have love again.

He's going to be okay.