Archive of Our Own

What did some single stroke rich in color resemble? To some it was one of many drowning amongst the others to create an entire piece. To others each stroke resembled a feeling, a moment full of memories and the intent behind creating.
Art never fully disclosed its meaning to Levi. He doubted anyone would ever be able to brag about such a thing. It was endless in its definitions and uses.

“Shit.” He looked onto his brush that dryly scratched over the slightly crumbled piece of cardboard he’d often use to test colors. It was long time for a new one since the layers of paint he’d put on there already formed a thick crust.
He’d forgotten to clean his brush last time; now it was useless.

“Right into my god damn groin.”

With a heavy sigh he got up from his sitting position and looked around on the floor for another. Out of all brushes to neglect, he managed to do so with his most favorite. The thick one that had been on so many surfaces already. Seen so many colors and would occasionally give them off in unexpected moments. For many that might’ve been a bad thing to happen, but for Levi it was a “happy accident”. Most of the time it gave his painting more depth; even if he doubted people really saw what happened in detail.

He could’ve just gone for the art supply shop down the road, but getting a completely new brush felt weird to him. Without character, completely devoid of any interesting colors. He would have to start from scratch and mourn over his own laziness.

After a fruitless search, Levi sighed again and stood there for about a minute. He really didn’t want to get a new one but there was no use in procrastinating this any further. A spark of creativity didn’t come just whenever he wanted. It was his own mistress who told him to kneel whenever it ordered him to. Creativity and motivation never gave up lead and would spark whenever it seemed convenient. To them.

“Can’t do anything about it, I guess.” With a shrug Levi left the attic of the apartment complex and went back to his flat to get his jacket. Dusk was approaching and left his tiny abode in a cold and calm atmosphere. No one was there (who would be?), no noises carried over as he stepped in with one foot and grasped what would keep him warm in this winter’s weather.

Was he a winter person? Levi much liked to believe so. He hated the cold and mess snow would create as it inevitably fell and covered streets and landscapes in its silent coat, but there was a silent beauty to the sceneries it created. As if time stood still for him to examine how everything was sleeping tightly. He couldn’t help but feel calm.

His breath ascended in thick fumes when Levi stepped outside. For a moment he stood still and listened to the silence of a tiny village. It was cold enough for his nose to hurt whenever he’d inhale, so he soon hurried to get what was needed and return. The shop down the road was a fairly small one with not nearly as much supplies as he needed. In fact, Levi only went there for the urgent things that didn’t necessarily demand an online shop.
Like a brush.

Actually he’d avoid going there as often as he could because there was nothing interesting in visiting those shops. Now, he might’ve sounded like a lousy artist but new supplies weren’t exciting to him at all. It was the usage and time spent with them that really made them interesting and worth smiling over. New stuff meant old died, and to Levi that was sad.
Not to mention that the owner of that shop was a know-it-all prick. They didn’t even greet each other anymore ever since a heated debate exploded between them over paint. No details here.

The glass door Levi pushed open was in dire need of a cleaning. Dozens of sticky stains and mud crust clung onto it like a drowning man onto a piece of wood. It was disgusting and Levi was sure some of them were a lot older than he himself.

A sign jumped right into his face as low as it hung. Its blue was atrociously faded and the letters dying in grey as opposed to their crisp black that must’ve once pleased curious eyes. Clearly the owner didn’t give two shits about presentation.

75 years of finest art supplies! Celebrate with us!

A long time for a store that seemed like it was crawling on its dying road. As far as Levi was concerned there never were other people than him in there. Either he just had an immense talent of picking the deserted times or customers were a rare appearance.

He quickly went for the aisle that had all the brushes. He had to squeeze himself through tight gaps created by shelves that stood where it was most inconvenient. The owner of this shop wasn’t only a know-it-all but also terrible at maintaining such reputation. Some of the supplies had a thick layer of dust on them, a prove no hands had touched them in quite an amount of time. Levi was sure there’d be some way to make use of that state but he wasn’t really keen on dipping his finger into that disgusting stuff.

It didn’t take long to find a suiting brush that wouldn’t lose its strands in less than two strokes. Accomplished and much less annoyed about this situation, Levi went for the check out. The owner, Mr. Tanner read his name tag, didn’t even look up to see who it was that dared to approach him. His hair fell into his face in a grey, overly groomed mess (that was indeed possible even though it didn’t sound like it). One might’ve expected an unhygienic, smelly mess to sit there judging from the state of the shop, but Levi had to admit that Mr. Tanner was the most kempt aspect of it entirely.

In his passing he made a quick look outside to see if it was dark already and spotted a figure sitting on a bench in front of the store. All he could see was blond hair as the person’s back was turned to the window. A person? Here? How didn’t Levi notice right away?

“Must’ve come while I searched through that shit stain of a shop.”

“Is that all, sir?” Tanner finally had given him some low portion of his attention. The way he pronounced the title made it sound like a condescending slur.

“Sure.”

Levi paid and made his way out to stop right next to the bench and take a quick glance at the person sitting on it. A cigarette desperately tried to stay lit between slender fingers as dying smoke lines weakly ascended. His entire figure spoke of some kind of defeat. Back hunched over and face staring into the air without actually looking.

“Hey,” Levi called out. He didn’t really know why. Probably because he wondered if that was actually a person sitting there and not some kind of twisted way to put a dumb marketing idea to use. Mannequins sometimes resembled humans way too accurately.

Eyes suddenly twitched up and some of the passive haze disappeared.

“Am I bothering you?” A soft voice asked.

“Doesn’t look like it.”

Levi lifted the white bag Tanner had given him in some spur of forced friendliness. “Just went for a brush since mine got turned into a dry crust of paint.”

He wasn’t sure why he told that man something so uninteresting. As if he was actually interested in knowing why a stranger went into an art supply shop. Couldn’t it be any more obvious?

“I see,” he answered and picked up his former pose.

“Haven’t seen you here before. Are you waiting for something?”

“No.”

Levi stood there for another few seconds saying nothing. As if he expected the stranger to tell why on earth he was sitting on a bench in front of a shop, no one but him ever visited.
However, nothing of that sort happened so he shrugged his good bye.

What a strange one.

“Are you an artist?” The man suddenly asked. He looked at Levi again with striking blue eyes. For some reason they made him feel as if he was about to drown.
Too full. Levi thought.

“Probably. Whatever that title even means.”

He sniffled once. It was getting too cold to stay out any longer. His fingers began to feel stiff and nothing annoyed him more than having to warm them up first before painting. He almost considered asking the stranger about his home and whether he planned to return before the cold turned him into a human popsicle. He did none of that, though, and just left with a grunted see you.

That had been the first time Levi stumbled over a person who managed to catch his interest in less than a moment. There was something sticking on that man that made Levi feel a certain kind of grief. A longing for long bygone eras that seemed to be decades old.

He attempted to pick up his painting work again but found himself wondering over and over again.
Was that man still sitting there? What did he even do besides staring into the air?
Strokes didn’t happen as easily as usual. They came forced and in swings that did no satisfaction to Levi’s artistic mind. He soon gave up and returned to the shop.
Surprisingly the man was still sitting there. A new cigarette lit, and this time he actually took a drag.

Lazy wisps crawled over his lips as he blew out the smoke.

“Those things will kill you one day,” Levi said and took the liberty to sit right next to him, a notebook and a coal-pencil clasped tightly between his arm and torso.

“They probably will.”

No resignation, no regret. Just this bland statement.

“Levi.”

Blue eyes turned to him in slight confusion before they switched to the hand Levi held out as a greeting. Only then Levi noticed that he was missing an arm. His right one had been amputated. All that remained was a simple stump. He took Levi’s hand hesitantly after putting his cigarette between his lips. His handshake felt like a hollow ghost and left a slight sense of uneasiness.

“Erwin.” Halfway muffled.

“Nice to meet you, Erwin. So, why exactly are you rotting in front of that god awful store?”

Erwin chuckled once and Levi would later think that it was one of the most beautiful sounds he’d ever heard. It was short and hard to recollect in the late run but he’d always remember the slight tingle that went down his spine.

“Do I need a certain reason to be here?”

“Well,” Levi’s eyebrows knit together in a temporary resignation. “No, actually not. It just seems strange.”

“As strange as you just walking up to me and introducing yourself?”

“Pretty much.”

“But I didn’t question that, did I?”

“Yet.”

Erwin took another drag from his cigarette and held it further away from his body. Probably because Levi was sitting next to him and he didn’t want to be that person.

“Have you ever been up there?” Erwin asked and pointed to the mountains with his chin. The street lay deserted under its crushing view. Street lamps faintly illuminating it as snow glistened shyly.

“No. Never felt the urge to climb that shit up. Might as well leap right in front of a car.”

“I think they are beautiful,” Erwin replied. In this entire time, he hadn’t changed his position. Hunched over a bit, arm resting on his thigh.

“They are, but that doesn’t make me want to climb them either. Some things are better enjoyed from far away.”

“Rightly so.”

Erwin looked at him directly now. Something about the way he did made Levi a bit uneasy. As if that man saw something he deliberately tried to hide. Whatever that was supposed to be, because, frankly, his life was one of the most uneventful on this shitty planet. Most of his time was spent in the attic muddled together with paint and canvases.

“Anyway,” Levi said to break the silence. “Hold still.”

Bewilderment flashed over Erwin’s face before he became aware of the notebook.

“Are you planning on drawing me?”

“Yes, so hold still.”

Strangely enough Erwin did just that. He kept his position with occasional interruptions when he nibbled on his cigarette. Something about him attracted Levi in weirdly intense ways. Not in romantic means but in artistic ones. His face seemed to tell so many stories at once that he couldn’t get a grasp on a single one.
Sadness slowly settled in Erwin’s eyes as he relaxed more and more. Levi saw him strip in front of him. All those layers one would usually put on.
He didn’t ask what made him so sad. Didn’t offer comfort. He just drew and tried to capture everything his eyes caught.

It took about an hour until he was finished. It was more of a sketch with accentuated effort put into those features he felt like accurately depicting. Also his hands had gotten too cold to make proper lines.
It wasn’t quite what he hoped for but enough for now. His mind was settled for a bit.

“Good to go.” He got up. “Thanks.”

“Can I see?” Erwin asked and got up as well. This was the first time he actually moved.

“No.” Levi shook his head and shrugged. “Another day maybe. I never let people see my sketches. Too personal.”

“Understandable. I’m glad I could be of assistance.”

Levi stepped from one foot to the other. “Well, then. See you sometime around.”

“Yes, see you.”

In the following days Levi found himself wondering about Erwin more than just once. In a small village like this one he came to know the faces that would pass him on days where it lured him out of his little corner. He couldn’t remember ever seeing a man like Erwin on the streets.
Maybe he just always stayed inside for a really long time. This behavior was no stranger to the artist as he indulged in it more than just once. Sometimes the silence of his own flat was all he needed. Meeting people wasn’t crucial for his work, anyway. Not even to sell the paintings he produced, if one sold.

With a shrug Levi took a sip from his tea and stared out of the window. Snow fell in gentle and idle ways. Once again covering what had slowly been melting away into a puddle of dirty water. Unusual for this time of the year as it was only November. Usually it wouldn’t start to snow until late December. Levi could already hear the people talking about a “white Christmas” over their cups of hot coffee or chocolate. He didn’t care much for these festivities. In fact, he lived a pretty lonely life with no one at his side but his own creative mind. At times he’d almost miss someone to talk to.

On that thought he decided to grab his coat and go for another walk to the shop down the street. Who knew? Maybe Erwin was still sitting there with snow on his shoulders and a cigarette in his healthy, existing hand. Levi hadn’t asked any questions about the circumstances about his right arm. Guessing that not many actually wanted to talk about the events that lead to losing a limb.

The air was even colder than before, making Levi wish he’d brought a scarf with him. Putting up his collar had to do, so he stomped through the snow that swallowed his boots whole and made his way to the shop.
Silently he expected the bench to be empty. Their meeting would feel like a fleeting dream one couldn’t separate from a distant memory. Levi already braced himself for the silent disappointment before he looked up and found Erwin to be sitting exactly on the same spot of the bench. A smile almost spread on his lips.

“You never seem to leave that spot, huh?”

Erwin looked up and smiled faintly. In day light his face looked unusually pale which caused his icy blue eyes to pop right out of it. A sight Levi wanted to paint right away.
“Does it annoy you that a stranger sits here?”

Levi scoffed and shrugged. “Why would it? I’m just not used to see anyone else than our piss-friendly shop owner.”

Erwin turned around for a moment and then chuckled. “He’s got quite an interesting way of greeting people.”

“You mean grunting once like a pig? That’s actually his way of telling you to go fuck yourself.”

“You seem to know that man quite well.”

“Just bought a few items.”

That Levi argued with him over two hours in the past wouldn’t leave his mouth. Just the image of him getting heated up about paint seemed ridiculous enough. Sometimes Levi couldn’t hold back his temperament which caused others to be offended and act accordingly.

“Anyway, aren’t you freezing your ass off in this cold?” Levi pulled up his shoulders and rubbed his hands to stress his question. It felt like they’d slipped into minus degrees with the weather today. Snow was still falling and slowly coating his dark hair in a thin layer of white. Erwin’s hair was already completely covered.

“Not when I stop concentrating on the fact that it’s cold. Some things are just secondary to something a lot more beautiful.” His gaze went to the mountains up ahead. They weren’t as visible as the day before since the air was filled with a mixture of snow and a thin layer of mist. He could make out the lower darker parts but the snowy tips completely vanished.

“You sure are in love with those, huh?”

“They calm me. As does this quiet village.”

Levi couldn’t argue with that. What initially motivated him to move here was the peaceful atmosphere it promised. The main road was quiet most of the time since not many passed this village. It was a little shit stain far aside any bigger cities. Not even between them. He was sure he’d be able to count its residents on two hands.
At least it felt like that.

“So you sit here every day and watch the mountains? Doesn’t it get boring from time to time?”

Erwin shrugged lightly. The bench was full of snow where he wasn’t sitting. Only his spot had been cleaned off and covered with an old newspaper. So far Levi had seen only old people do that.
“So far I couldn’t complain about it.”

What a strange fellow. Levi thought.

He seemed so in balance with everything around him and yet there was something trembling underneath. As if Levi had to dig deeper in order to see an earthquake rumbling underneath a thick crust. Maybe he’d come to see a bit of that side. Once he got to know Erwin a bit better.
Maybe, however, he’d never see that part. He just couldn’t be sure.

“Are you going to buy new supplies again?”

Levi looked at the shop briefly and then shook his head. This time he made sure to remember cleaning all his brushes before hitting the sheets.
“I hate that shop. It sells mediocre shit and the organization belongs on a dumpster.”

“You seemed pretty content once you stepped out of it with your bag, though.”

Levi’s eyebrows lifted a bit.

“You looked happy and peaceful for a moment.” Erwin added to answer the question undoubtedly sitting on his features.

“Must’ve been a thought that crossed my mind then. That shop isn’t exactly a source of happiness.”
Levi shrugged and sat into the snow. It felt soft first before slipping into a wet cold freezing his cheeks.

“Want to come to my place for a bit? You look like you’re about to become one with that bench.”

Erwin looked at him in surprise. The way his eyes lit up in the same motion struck Levi as admirable. Life flooded into them as if a dam broke on a tiny spot and leaked water. It wasn’t overwhelming but the glint was enough to spark Levi’s curiosity.

“You are pretty trusting towards a stranger like me.”

“No,” Levi replied.

“I’m just pretty careless and egoistic.”

“Egoistic?”

The artist turned to face Erwin fully now. His gaze flicked to the stump of an arm for a moment before returning to his face. There were lines and little features on it that told stories he wanted to discover. In his own unique way, he wanted to capture every single one of those aspects and turn them into timeless art.

“Do you know why I’m here talking to you, Erwin?” He looked away to the mountains now.

“It’s because you look sad.”

Erwin didn’t reply. He probably waited for a more detailed explanation as to why something like that would draw a person to another.

“You’d think a sad person is broken and crushed by the world. They lost. But for me they radiate with strength. Their eyes are deep and tell a thousand tales in just one moment.” He shrugged a long one and looked at Erwin again. “Sounds creepy, right?”

“No, actually…” The man paused, a tiny smile lingering on his lips. “I never viewed it that way.” His voice had grown softer than before. He nodded and got up.
“I assume you want to paint me again.”

“You’d be right about that. It’s just up the street.”

About three minutes later Erwin was already standing in the doorway shrugging off his coat. Him not being outside felt kind of weird, suddenly.
He looked around cautiously. Like a deer that had left the forest for the first time. Not as alerted but definitely as curious.

“Cozy flat,” he said and got out of his shoes. Little puddles of molten snow already collected on the towel underneath.

“It’s enough for one person. You’ll have to sit on my bed. I don’t have a couch.”

Levi pointed into the biggest and only room right onto a bed that was neatly made. He wasn’t actually the most careful artist when it came to his supplies but his flat never looked messy or dirty. He actually needed a bit of a mess while being artistically active but that was limited to the attic.

“Can’t really give you some of that culinary bullshit chefs cook, so want some noodles?” His hands were already rummaging through his cupboards to get some ingredients together that would make for a decent meal. It wasn’t nice to work on an empty stomach and Levi had skipped breakfast as always.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“You don’t actually look like the type to miss on food.”

“Do I?”

“Yes, and now shut up and take my offer. I’m not a good cook but I’ll guarantee for a full belly. If you want to drink something, you’ll have to take out a glass from the cupboard above the bed and get some from the tap in the toilet.”

Levi heard how the small doors of the cupboard creaked open before careful steps approached what could only be the bathroom. His kitchen was a little niche right on the left side after the entrance. A very crammed flat, but it didn’t bother him as long as everything had its order.

“How long have you been living here?” Erwin asked as he came back to join Levi in the kitchen. It barely had enough room for the two of them so he retreated into the short hallway.

“I don’t know. Two or three years? Moved here from a big city that started to annoy the shit out of me. Also my uncle died so I had no other choice.”

“I’m sorry about that.” Erwin sounded truly sad about this info.

“Don’t be. He was a prick most of the times.” A prick Levi still loved in his own twisted and hidden ways. It was difficult to describe. Thinking about it always caused a headache, as if Levi wasn’t supposed to search any deeper than he usually did. The relationship to Kenny had been a complicated one with partial neglect and care.

“You like tomato sauce? I can’t offer much more because I don’t really have anything else.”

“Tomato sauce sounds good,” Erwin said with a smile and returned to the living room.

They had a pretty silent dinner that turned out to be tastier than Levi expected. The sauce had ended up being a little too thin but it didn’t bother them much. That way it was probably more of a tomato soup with some noodles. Contrary to Erwin’s general behavior he ate pretty fast and almost messy. It was a strange sight to witness after seeing how collected and well-mannered he’d appeared all this time. Levi didn’t comment on it.

Once they finished, he brought him up into the attic and showed him what was meant to serve as a place to hang up laundry. None of the residents ever used it however so he’d turned it into his own little artistic space.

“Wow.” Erwin breathed and passed all the drawings brought up on the clothes lines someone had left in the past.

“You drew all these?”

It was mostly drawings from the scenery Levi enjoyed. Sometimes a person or two he’d seen and tried to draw out of his memory. They never turned out to be as good as he wanted, though, so he eventually stopped.

“Yes.”

“They are absolutely stunning.”

“Thanks.” Levi huffed and got a chair for Erwin to sit on. “Most of them happened out of boredom. Since you can’t get a real job in this shithole I try to sell them.”

“Do you take requests?” Erwin asked almost eagerly when he turned around to look at Levi. Struck by the expression he just stood there for a few seconds staring him.

“Well, no one ever asked me so I didn’t really think about that possibility, but if you want me to draw something then just spit it out. Call it payment for being my model today since I can’t afford to actually pay you.”

Erwin smiled. “I don’t need money. Draw me the mountains and I’ll be content.”

“Those you are so hopelessly in love with, I guess?”

“Yes.”

Levi nodded and pointed at the chair for Erwin to sit on. Without further words they god settled. The lighting in here was good enough for another hour or two. Levi didn’t really like drawing with electric light since for him it changed how the colors radiated in the process. They seemed… false.
He got his brushes and a few colors ready he’d definitely use. Looking at Erwin he felt drawn to cold colors in the blue range.

“Am I supposed to stay in a particular position?” Erwin asked and shyly moved a bit.

“Just sit there and stare out of the window. Don’t think, just stare.”

“Do I get a break once in a while?”

“Those are not the medieval times. I’m not going to keep you here for hours on end. Not to mention that the lighting doesn’t stay this good long enough anyway, so you’ll have to come more often.”

Levi peeked out from the side of his easel which already had a canvas mounted on it.

“If you’re okay with that, of course.”

“I don’t mind.”

And so Levi began to draw. Sketches first because he never went in with just paint and some luck. He wanted it to be perfect. His lips were sealed as he was completely taken by the sound of the quick strokes and the lines forming on the blank canvas. Nothing mattered anymore. No one but him was in this room.
It was hypnotic actually. Levi would enter another sphere where thoughts didn’t matter. Just feelings and how they went into his hand and fingers to translate them into lines. The feeling he got from Erwin was sadness but…

Levi looked up as if he’d snapped out of a deep meditation.

“Erwin drop that.” He suddenly said much to Erwin’s surprise.

“Drop what?”

“That… controlled face. It’s not the same you had when I first saw you.”

“This is the first time someone ever wanted to make a portrait of me. I’m a bit nervous.”

“Drop it.”

Now a tiny glimpse of frustration appeared on Erwin’s face. It seemed like Levi had managed to hit a nerve under all that composure. Or maybe he was frustrated with himself? One never knew unless there was some kind of access to the thoughts.

“Easily said,” he mumbled and readjusted himself on the seat. A moment of silence came over him as he closed his eyes. It looked like he was going somewhere else. Leaving Levi just as he had when he started to sketch out Erwin’s face.

And then, when he opened his blue eyes, there it was. The deep sadness that seemed so heavy and crushing on his bones. It felt overwhelming and left Levi in a temporarily frozen state. He couldn’t turn his eyes away from that face as if a spell had been cast upon him.

Just what happened to you, Erwin?

He managed to rip himself away to continue his work and paint as long as the light was still favorable. Again, he lost himself in the strokes and cold colors. They were the only thing that mattered and existed around him. Their thick structure and the way they spread on the slightly rough surface. The sound the brush made with each stroke and how Erwin’s face began to live somewhere else.

On that day they both vanished in their own worlds. Levi in a world known and dear to him.
Erwin in a void filled with pain and regret. A place that held many nightmares.

On a morning so cold ice formed in the corners of his windows, Levi found himself idly staring into the cup in front of him. Silence surrounded him and for the first time in a long while it felt different. He didn’t want to admit it but he felt almost restless without the presence of that blond once-stranger.
Would he be on his usual spot again? He wondered and looked out of the window where he could see the tips of dozens of trees. They always had managed to give him some calm when he was worked up about a work in progress, but now they just reminded him of the times he met up with Erwin.

Twice they’ve seen each other. The other day he managed to finish quite a bit of the portrait in a blind haze where nothing but colors, strokes, and his face mattered.
In all that time Erwin hadn’t said a single word. Just stared outside with that grief and sorrow in his eyes. The longer Levi drew the more he felt like he pushed the man into something that would inevitably swallow him whole.

“There’s no way to stop now, though,” he told himself over little doubts that began to fill his mind. With a man spreading so much sadness, was it right to latch onto it and create something out of pure egoism?

And yet it didn’t take long until Levi found himself standing in front of him again. Outside where the snow swallowed every sharp sound.

Erwin looked up knowingly.

“Is it time again?”

“What happened to your arm?” Levi asked instead. He felt like an unwelcomed intruder in that moment but his curiosity was simply too high to just ignore it. Besides, he preferred to know more about the person he drew. It made it easier to feel into the portrait, if that made sense.

Erwin’s eyes narrowed for a moment. He avoided looking at the stump for quite a long time before he sighed a little and smiled.

“It was an accident on the field. I can’t remember much anymore.” His eyes went to the mountains. His stance suddenly straightened as if he gained strength from the sole sight.

“I can only tell what others told me. That an ambush from our side went horribly wrong and left me bleeding on the ground.”

“Wait…” Levi said and looked at Erwin in surprise.

“Does that mean you’re a veteran?”

Lips lifted into a lugubrious smile. There was no other way to interpret it, right? Actually Levi could’ve just added one and one to get to this conclusion. How many people did you meet that missed a limb and didn’t lose it because of some war? However, Levi never jumped to conclusions. It seemed ill-natured to him.

“I guess you want to know in which war I fought and what happened, right?”

Levi shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t care which war it was. I don’t give a shit either how exactly you lost that arm. It’s lost, why mull over it? There are too many wars to count.”

And that was when Levi saw some of the passive coat blow off and reveal what lay underneath. Erwin’s eyes widened in surprise and for a moment he saw gratitude in them. Gratitude and something else he’d never be able to give a name.
Not to this day.

“You’re an odd one,” Erwin chuckled. His hand went to his stump and stroked it.

“At least I’m not constantly freezing my ass off here and wandering off with strangers.”

“You’d be right with that.”

After that chat they went to Levi’s flat again. It was always the same route. Down the road to that awful shop and up the road again. Sometimes he found himself wondering where Erwin actually lived; or if he woke up and immediately got ready to visit his beloved spot.

“You could think you’re married to those mountains,” Levi said under a heavy breath. He hated walking the stairs but there was no lift to get them upstairs.
Village-luck.

“It’s much simpler than that,” Erwin replied and stripped off his shoes. There was a place for everything when it came to that man, Levi now noticed. His shoes would always stand on the right side of the towel. His coat took place on the far right hook of four. Never different, always the right place.
Except for the bench.

“Oh? Pray tell.” Levi knocked off the snow stuck on his shoes and shook himself once.

“They comfort me.”

Levi didn’t know if that was actually simpler but wouldn’t comment on it. There was no way of getting into his thinking; at least not after just three meetings. Erwin seemed to work on different grounds. Those that didn’t fit any other person because they’d open up underneath and swallow anyone whole.

“Right, want to drink something? I’ve got tea or water. If you want anything fancy, you have to go get it yourself.”

“I’m fine with water,” Erwin replied from the living room. Levi could hear the squeaking of his bed.

He set up a kettle for a cup of tea and filled a glass with tap water. There was no way he’d drag water bottles up all those floors just to come off as fancy. The tap water here was surprisingly clean and good to use. The well here was clean enough to drink straight out of it which is what he assumed to be the reason for good tap water.

“So,” Levi said and walked up to Erwin with his glass.

“How long have you been living here? I haven’t seen you before.”

“For about a month. I moved here just recently.”

“Figures. And you have been sitting on that bench all that time? Every day?”

Before Erwin took a sip from the water, Levi noticed him smelling it once. He wasn’t sure if he even noticed what he was doing there. Well, he knew a lot of places had really dirty tap water depending on where they actually received it from, but he never saw anyone doing something like that. A remnant of difficult times?

“No, just recently. I didn’t notice them before.”

“You didn’t notice? How’s that possible?”

Erwin looked up into Levi’s eyes, held that contact for a while and then smiled.
“I saw them but I didn’t notice.”

It took another two sittings until the portrait was finally finished. All of the things Erwin said hung around in Levi’s head like undying echoes. Repeating over and over again as he gave his work the last finishing touches. What was it that made him so hard to forget? In all the years Levi had used people as models there’d never been one like Erwin. As soon as he finished the portraits the people would be gone with the last brush stroke, but this time the last stroke just gave Erwin some sense of immortality.

“Do you want to take it with you?” Levi asked, brush clasped between his teeth. He was almost freezing stiff in that damn attic.

“No, keep it. All I want is the drawing of the mountains. That suffices.”

Levi shrugged. “Guess I’ll be freezing my ass off together with you then.” Not a particularly comforting thought as there was nothing less appealing.
Well, he never went back on his word.

“It’s not that bad once you get used to it.”

“How long will that take, I wonder?”

“It depends on you. If you keep thinking about the cold, it won’t ever go away.”

Erwin’s voice dropped there a bit, or so Levi believed. He knew there was more to those words. Some kind of deeper wisdom Erwin had gained from experiences he’d probably rather not relive again. Which memories passed his mind in that very moment? Gun shots? People dying in a mess of screams and blood? How the hell would he know?

“I can’t imagine war,” Levi said out loud involuntarily.

“Me neither,” Erwin answered and leaned against the wall behind him, closing his eyes. His lashes looked long enough to stroke his cheeks. Blond and pale they lay against even paler skin. There was something akin to peace on his features now.

“Sounds a bit hypocritical from someone who lost his arm in a war.”

“I know.”

He didn’t make another comment. Just sat there with eyes closed and calm breath. Levi didn’t question Erwin further but got another canvas ready to sketch what unfolded in front of him now. The peace of a beaten man slowly creeping all over him. Almost unfitting in lieu of all the sadness Levi had brought down with meticulous brush strokes.

His lips were relaxed and looked fuller than before. No strain on them, no unspoken words that would never pass. The grooves on his forehead where almost gone; reduced to mere shadows of the disdain and pain he portrayed so well with them.

Levi put his brush away and silently walked up to him. His fingers itched in a way that was foreign to him and yet he simply followed that call. What would come afterwards didn’t matter. Eyes lay on Erwin all through the process of getting closer, and when Levi finally stood right next to him he extended his hand to place it on his cheek. He twitched and opened his eyes as if woken up by a nightmare. Confusion washed over his face for a painfully long moment, but he closed his eyes again after he looked at Levi and leaned into the touch.

His cheek was strangely warm. For some reason Levi had expected his skin to feel as ice-cold as the snow he always kept company. As cold as the snowy tips of the mountains he adored so much.
But no… it was warm. Comfortably warm against his palm even.

Levi could’ve stayed back there behind his sketch and drawn Erwin as long as he remained in that position. He could’ve created something so beautifully timeless, but instead he chose to capture this moment in his memory only. A memory that belonged only to him and the veteran.

Eyes wandering got a glimpse of a scar that peeked out underneath Erwin’s white shirt. It was close to his stump of an arm and probably a result of what had caused such loss. He played with a thought. Already extended his arm and felt the cloth underneath his fingers before he lifted it up, but Erwin sat up and shook off his hand with that motion. He looked slightly bewildered.

“I should return home for now,” He said and got up. Without any explanations or a farewell he got into his clothes and left.

Levi was left standing in the attic with the lingering feeling of Erwin’s warmth on his fingers, wondering if he’d done something wrong. In the end he returned to his argument about the grounds that man walked on. They were different. Not to be entered by anyone else.

With a soft, confused shrug he returned to the sketch he’d begun. There was no use in continuing this work without Erwin actually sitting there, right? Levi wouldn’t be able to capture the moment as well from his memory and just end up frustrated over it.
And even though these thoughts roamed through his mind, his hand picked up the brush.

“It was comfortable,” Erwin suddenly said.

Idly Levi had joined his mountain watch with his sketch book and other materials. It looked like he intended to set camp right in front of the shop. A ridiculous thought.

“Sitting in snow all day long?” Those were the first words he said to Erwin. In a spur of creativity, he’d left his tea on the table to hurry outside and begin to fulfill his part of their deal. It would be cold by now and spilled into the sink later, but that was of little importance right now.

“No, your attic.”

“It’s not my attic, actually. No one uses it to do anything there so I took my chance. I don’t think anyone even noticed.”

“To me it feels like yours. It’s full of you.”

“You mean full of my shit? I can’t be bothered to bring order into that mess.”

All this time none of them had looked at the other. Erwin’s eyes were probably glued to the mountains, as always, and Levi’s switched back and forth between the easel and Erwin’s love. He was concentrated but not lost.

“Maybe… but there’s something else. I feel different in that attic. Less…” Erwin broke off there and returned to his silent treatment. Maybe he thought he’d finished the sentence. Maybe Levi lost his concentration for this conversation there for a bit. Fact was the word never left or reached anyone.

Silent scribbling returned instead. The snow was persistent this winter. It looked like nothing was able to make it vanish or melt even a bit. It still lay there in its previous glory. Almost untouched despite the few footsteps from him and Erwin. A confirmation that no one ever went to that art supply shop. How did Tanner even maintain that shit-hole?

Levi shook his head in mild wonder and completed the sketch. It looked wild and untamed. He was sure barely anyone could really make out what it was supposed to be. Maybe wild thoughts and ideas that invaded in the middle. Little corrections here and there in between major beginnings of new tips and land underneath.

“It’s beautiful,” Erwin said.

Levi twitched and pressed the sketch against his torso. An uncommon reaction as no one had ever dared to just look at his sketches. Well, there was no one who could’ve.

“Fuck Erwin, I told you not to look at my sketches. They are not finished and far from being so.”

“Is that bad?”

“Yes, I don’t like to show people my unfinished stuff. It’s not meant for other eyes. It’s not perfect.” He felt himself slipping into a rant. One that he could’ve prevented but didn’t care to.

“It doesn’t feel right.” He peeked onto his sketch and cursed this moment. “You weren’t supposed to see it that way. You were supposed to see it in all its finished glory and lose your mind over how beautiful it is, because I’m sure it will be. But now you saw it like that and it’ll destroy all the magic.”

“Fucking idiot.” Levi added almost breathless and stared into the distance with a sour look.

For a while there was no answer. Not a word. Not even a sound.

And then Erwin sighed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you like that.”

“Well you did.” Levi hadn’t turned his eyes to Erwin.

“I don’t think it’s bad to see something unfinished. Seeing progress is often so much sweeter than just chunks. What makes you think this sketch is undeserving of being viewed by others?”

“It’s personal. Too personal.” With those words Levi packed his stuff. It made him more than just a little upset that this happened. He was particular about his art and sketches. He didn’t like to disclose what didn’t seem finished to him. He just didn’t.

“Wait, Levi! You don’t have to leave. I won’t look again, I promise.”

“Shove that promise up somewhere, my creativity is killed for today.” His brushes clanked against each other in the bag as he threw it over his shoulder.
“You can come with me for a warm meal or count snowflakes, I don’t care.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“Hell yes I am but you need to get into a warm space for once too. I’m pretty sure you’ll just sit here all night until your fucking toes fall off. So are you joining me or not? It’s going to be soup today so if you don’t like that, I have bad news for you.”

Erwin stared at Levi dumbfounded. He tried to make sense of the artist’s behavior but failed miserably. Yes, Levi was mad about what happened but he wasn’t unreasonable either. He’d already planned for Erwin to come over and have some soup. That’s why he bought more ingredients in the first place. Like hell he’d eat all that alone.

“Well?” He insisted and stared at Erwin with raised eyebrows.

“Yes-, yes of course.” Erwin got up and joined Levi on his way back.

“Do you want me to-“ He stretched his hand out for the easel.

“Hands off.”

Erwin raised his arm in defeat and chuckled silently.

“What’s there to laugh about?”

“Nothing.”

Once they were back in Levi’s flat Erwin made himself at home and dropped onto his bed. The sun was disappearing already and Levi in the kitchen heating up what he’d prepared. It was a simple soup with a few vegetables and spices. Some noodles too to fill the stomach and not only warm it up.

Candles were lit one by one in his room. They scattered all across on furniture and the table in front of the bed.

“Candle light is nicer than those bright lamps.” He said as if to explain himself.

“I agree.”

It was a total of 12 candles he lit and by the time he was finished, the soup was warm enough to be enjoyed without scalding one’s tongue. He filled some in two bowls and gave one to Erwin.

“Eat up, idiot.”

“Thank you.”

“Are those scars from that incident too?” Levi asked and took a cautious sip from his spoon. The soup tasted a bit bland but it would do.

“Yes. I’m not particularly fond of them.”

“Why? They show you survived.”

“They remind me whenever I look at myself in the mirror. I don’t want to be reminded.”

Levi lowered his spoon into the bowl and thought about the sadness he’d seen on Erwin’s face while drawing him. A sense of guilt tried to reach out but didn’t really do anything. He didn’t know what he had been thinking of when he sat like that for several hours, right? It could’ve been anything. Good acting, a painful childhood memory.
But Levi knew it wasn’t that. He knew it was what had drawn those reminders all over his body.

“To me scars are art.”

“Very cruel art,” Erwin added and set his bowl down onto the table. He looked at Levi as if to make out something. Blue eyes stared into greys for an intense moment.

“I want to apologize for what I did earlier. I dislike being inconsiderate even more than my memories.”

“You beat around the bush a lot for someone who had to react quickly probably.”

Erwin didn’t chuckle or laugh about that remark. He simply took Levi’s bowl and set it onto the table as well. In another gesture he took Levi’s hand and placed it right on the right side of his chest. That was where the scar had peeked out last time.

“Take a look. I know you want to.”

“What makes you think that?” Levi asked but already unbuttoned Erwin’s shirt button by button. He felt like he was about to discover some well-hidden secrets. Something he wasn’t supposed to see under any circumstances. The further he got the more excited he was. Holding his breath and watching skin reveal.

He had to open Erwin’s shirt completely to see the entire scar. Darker skin balled up on the side of his waist and exploded into rays over his torso. It looked like lightning had struck him and left that mark.
Awe and curiosity got the better of him. Softly he followed one of the lines back to its origin. Across the upper abdomen. He saw Erwin tense underneath his touch but didn’t stop.

“How long?” Levi asked still captivated by that scar.

“Five years. Soon it’ll be six.”

“Looks like you were meant to be dead now.” He added and placed his entire palm on the big scar. He could barely cover it.
“Does it hurt sometimes?”

“When the weather changes too fast, yes.”

Levi looked up at him and then at the scar again. He’d never seen something so fascinating. He felt like he was in the middle of a story telling session, just that there were no words. Just the feeling of scarred skin underneath his fingers. The trail of suffering all over Erwin’s chest.

I want to draw this. Levi thought but didn’t utter it. Erwin looked vulnerable to him in this moment.

“Why are you showing me this?”

“Because I rudely took a glance at something that’s just as personal to you.”

“We’re strangers.”

“Are we really?”

Levi remained silent. Were they? What defined a stranger? You didn’t know their name for one. They didn’t feel as close as Erwin already did for another.

“Who the hell are you?” Levi then asked.

“Just a veteran in search for some peace.”

The drawing of the mountains didn’t take as long as Levi expected and he soon found himself procrastinating and adding strokes where they weren’t really needed. For some reason he thought after that drawing was finished he wouldn’t get to see Erwin as often anymore. Which was idiotic since he always sat on that bench.

“When did you start drawing?” He suddenly asked and broke off some of the weak attempts to concentrate.

“I don’t really remember. I’ve always had something to draw in my hands. I guess it started when I was a little brat.”

“Sounds like a long time.”

“Probably is.” Levi set the brush down and looked at Erwin.

“What about you? Any other activities than sitting here?”

“I liked to play the guitar in my late teens, but I don’t think I can do that anymore.”

A joke that was meant to be funny but to Levi it was sadder than anything else. He looked at Erwin’s stump and frowned. Giving up something you loved because of an injury sounded like a nightmare to him. If Levi had to give up painting, he’d probably stop living.

“You could always try playing the drums,” he added dryly and looked at his work. It was as good as finished.

“Probably.”

“Hey, Erwin,” Levi called out now. He’d been thinking about this for a good while already. Every time he saw the man sitting there with his stump and the scars that hid underneath cloth. Every time he saw colors spreading on his chest and forming something that would make him forget.

“Let me draw on you.”

“Draw on me?” Erwin sounded skeptical.

“You can use my shower afterwards, no worries.”

“Why would you want to draw on me?” Skepticism turned into a full blown confusion.

“Just say yes or no and you’ll see. Or not.”

It grew silent around them for quite a while. Levi believed it to be more than just a minute from what he felt. At some point he almost thought Erwin had forgotten the question and would never answer. Well, wouldn’t that have been an odd situation?

“Alright.”

He still didn’t sound convinced but Levi had gotten what he needed and got up immediately.

“Well then let’s get going before the sun kisses our asses good bye again.”

“You want to do this now?”

“Of course.”

Erwin stared into the air for a few more moments and then finally got up. He seemed more than just mildly bewildered by this idea. So much that Levi wondered if it was better to call it off and just do something else instead. He was egoistic, very much so actually, but not to a degree where he’d blatantly walk over people.

“You don’t have to agree with this.”

“No, it’s okay,” Erwin assured him and smiled.

“I’m just not used to all this attention you are giving me.”

“Don’t make this weird.”

This time Levi decided to move his table and make some space in his flat. The attic was too cold to be used for those purposes. They’d be freezing in no time and holding still would become a master task without a shirt on. Levi went up there and got some of the colors and brushes he wanted to use. If he was in need of more he’d just have to go get them again.

Old newspapers were spread on the floor. Paint was difficult to clean off carpet and Levi didn’t want to get in trouble with the landlord for being careless. Erwin sat on the right side, shirt stripped off.

“You might want to take off your pants as well if they’re dear to you,” Levi commented while pointing at them with the end of his brush. He’d already mixed some colors with acrylic paint. As far as he knew it wasn’t toxic and therefor free to be used on a body. It would probably crumble a lot but if Erwin held still that would be a minor problem. Or so he hoped.

“Well I got another pair but…” He looked down on his pants in contemplation.

“You’re not going to get paint off them, I promise you that.”

Levi himself had switched into his painting pants. Basically grey sweat pants with color all over them. It wouldn’t make a difference if there was one more.

Erwin shrugged lightly and then proceeded to strip off his pants. Folded they rested on the bed now as he returned to his spot on the right of all that paper mess. Again with his assigned position. Levi itched to ask about that but decided against it.
Some things were better left undiscovered.

He sat down in front of him and dipped the brush in a light blue for a start. Levi wasn’t sure where he’d be going with this. For now, he just wanted to see what happened and go from there. Erwin’s eyes rested on him calmly.

“I’m going to mostly use blue on you. Some green maybe.”

“Like in my portrait. You’re using a lot of cold colors.”

“That’s what I get from you. Always sitting where it’s cold; always staring at the cold mountains. Your skin looks cold to me as does the color of your eyes.”

Erwin apparently didn’t know how to reply to that as he didn’t say a word. He just stared at the brush slowly settling on his skin and applying paint in slow strokes. Well, Levi had to admit he didn’t really think he’d have something to reply either.

His plan was to bring some life into that scar so he began to use the branching scars as actual branches of a tree. He extended them further over Erwin’s chest so they reached the other side and shyly caressed his sides. It didn’t quite look like a tree yet but Levi was far from finished. What he had applied so far was more of a plan to get started.

“Sadness is beautiful to me,” he said while dipping his brush in a light green.

“Does that make me beautiful to you, Levi?”

“Yes it does,” he replied without any hesitation. Erwin was beautiful to him. Not for his toned body and clothing style. Not for his full lips and framed eyes, but for the grief that never left them. For the way he moved as if he was burdened.
People looked gorgeous to him when they were sad and he couldn’t tell why. Tragedy formed real emotions.

“Lie down,” he said now and straddled Erwin to get a better position. Colors were placed all around his head, eyes intently on Levi’s.

He was about to shade the branches when he felt a warm hand on his waist. It slowly went up and down in a caressing motion. Fingers pressed into his soft flesh as if to make sure he was actually real. Levi looked down on himself in slight confusion but continued drawing on Erwin when he saw his hand. He needed to finish this.

“What colors would you paint yourself in, Levi?” Erwin asked. His voice was a lot softer than before. He sounded content and almost… happy.

“I never thought about that,” he replied, eyes concentrated on his strokes. “I’ve never thought of painting on an actual person either, actually.”

Erwin hadn’t stopped caressing him but he didn’t mind. It felt good, actually. Calming and reassuring.

“Why? Do you want to pain on me?”

“What if I do?”

Levi stopped now and looked at Erwin. He hadn’t been expecting that, honestly. His brush hovered right above the man’s skin as Levi tried to make sense of this entire situation. There was a change happening. They weren’t just model and artist anymore and he wondered how exactly that had happened.

“Well then go ahead and try to paint on me while I won’t stop doing my job.”

“I’ll need some other colors. Warm ones.”

In the end Levi did stop and get up into the attic again. Freezing a bit and hurrying over the wooden floor with bare feet, as he collected browns and reds. Why Erwin suddenly had the idea to paint on him was beyond his understanding. So far he’d considered himself to be the only one of them with artistic interests. Erwin liked looking at art, sure, but actually doing it? Levi saw an entirely new side on that man.

“There,” he said and sat down right in front of Erwin. He stripped off his shirt and got his brush again. It would be more difficult to paint on him when he moved but Levi had to try.

Without another word Erwin took a brush and dipped it into a dark brown first before mixing some bright red in. His hands looked unsteady.
The first stroke resulted in a dropped brush because Erwin’s fingers apparently weren’t used to that weight.

“I’m actually right-handed,” he said and picked it up again. Strokes followed. Clumsy ones that didn’t result in clear shapes or forms but something akin to a picture. It felt nice on Levi’s skin.

“Why warm colors?”

“You don’t seem to fit here. It feels like winter never stops in this village. But when I look at you I see spring. The moment before something new is born.”

“That’s some really fancy shit you’re saying there,” Levi snorted and set the brush down to look at his work. The acrylic paint started to come off again in crumbles. It probably wasn’t that good of a decision to use it.

He still felt Erwin’s brush on his skin and with every stroke it went down a little further.

“Your skin is beautiful, Levi. I almost feel like tainting it unnecessarily.”

“No hard feelings about that.”

And then Levi took some of the paint on his chest with his index and applied it on top of his work on Erwin. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe because seeing all this cold began to make him sad. Something had slept deep underneath and began to wake up with every passing moment of this situation. Their words died on closed lips. Erwin watched Levi apply more and more of his color. His brush stopped moving at some point and a hand came up to his chest to mix the colors into soft hues of purple.

Eyes met, hands touched skin and mixed colors into an uncoordinated mess.

“I’m glad I got to meet you,” Erwin suddenly said and gently dragged Levi down on one arm. He didn’t resist. Just let his body go with the flow of this moment. Lips met and bodies touched only separated by the thin layers of paint on them.

Erwin’s lips were so soft and inviting that Levi lost himself in them as he did in a painting. There was nothing but the feeling of them. The warmth of their bodies colliding as they fell with eyes closed.
What would happen now? Levi didn’t know. He just let everything happen without questioning it. Just as Erwin had this entire time as his model. Never really questioning why Levi was so drawn to him and his sadness. Never asking what the sense of all this was.

Maybe there was no sense.

His whispered name lay soft on Erwin’s lips now. There was a hand trailing over Levi’s back and slowly wandering down to the brim of his pants. Touches lost themselves in between sighs and idle promises. Levi felt how close Erwin was now. Felt it as his own hands wandered down and caressed soft skin; as he drew little lines of adoration. It was odd, wasn’t it? Two men who hadn’t known each other for a week lying on the floor now and indulging in something so intimate. But it didn’t feel strange. It felt familiar.

Levi sat up and looked at Erwin with a haze in his eyes. The color had gotten all over their chests. Blue and red shimmered out of a purple mess on certain spots. It was a painting that he’d never be able to create with just a brush and a canvas to draw on. This was something no one could re-enact.

He didn’t say anything. Just felt Erwin’s hand feeling him up to his lips where it outlined their shape. He closed his eyes as he got a hold of the man’s arm to kiss the palm of his hand. No questions and no doubts. Just a moment meant for no one else but them. Leaning over he started kissing Erwin’s skin down to his hip. Taking in some of the color that got onto his lips without a feeling of bewilderment. It felt nice, actually.

“Levi…”

Erwin brushed Levi’s hair back and buried his fingers in it. Here they were. Lying on the floor paint all over them. Their stories didn’t mean anything in that moment. No injuries existed and no past webbed with tragedy. Only their bodies counted and how it felt to see one another in such an intimate way.

Tongue slid over Erwin’s length in a bit of a clumsy motion at first once Levi dragged cloth down. Another attempt proved to be more successful and elicit a low grunt from the man underneath. His hips buckled up a bit and thrust softly into Levi’s mouth when he took his cock in. The slight taste of salt lay on his tongue as he felt the friction and warmth on it. He could smell Erwin’s scent. A bit of sweat and cologne mixed together. The scent he’d never forget.

Erwin stopped and pulled out. Probably right before he actually came.
He sat up and kissed Levi passionately while dragging down his pants as far as he could. Hungry fingers caressed and fondled his buttocks.

“Do you have something to…?”

“Yes,” Levi said and went into the bathroom. Lube did come in handy quite a few times when one was alone. Thinking about it now, Levi was glad he’d gotten some in one of his online boredom-sprees. Otherwise they would’ve had to resort to something else and he didn’t know what that could’ve been.

“Ever fucked an artist?”

Erwin laughed now and shook his head. “Not one with such a way of putting it.”

“So you did fuck one?”

“No,” he whispered and dragged Levi down for another kiss when he knelt.

“No,” Levi confirmed and took some lube to spread it all over his anus and open himself up. In fact, he even lay back down and spread his legs so Erwin could watch. A slight sense of embarrassment got a hold of him at first, but that feeling soon vanished underneath Erwin’s darkening eyes.

He leaned over Levi and stroked his cock while fingers slipped in and out of his anus. It was warm and reacted to his touch in little twitches. The longer he thrust into himself the wider he got. Soon two fingers fit, but it was difficult to stay focused with a hand on his cock.

“Erwin… stop that or I’m going to come.”

Levi’s hip buckled up once in protest.

“I wish I could draw your face right now.”

“Stop saying sulky shit and fuck me already!”

Erwin kissed him once more as he entered Levi slowly. It felt strange at first and hurt a little. There were many comments Levi could’ve made, but he didn’t. He concentrated on the feeling of Erwin deep inside him and the silence between them as they remained like that for a few moments. The other’s breath fell warm against Levi’s collar bones and tickled slightly. He wanted nothing more but to embrace him and stay like that forever.

When Erwin began to move it felt way too intense to react properly. It hurt and was foreign. It didn’t make Levi explode in moans but rather grit his teeth as grunts rumbled in the back of his throat. He could hear the wet and lazy smacking sounds that the lube created.

“Touch me,” he whispered and hastily grabbed Erwin’s arm before he realized that this was the only one that supported him. Since that didn’t go anywhere Levi pushed him back and further away.
Surprise washed over Erwin’s face at first.

“Lay down,” Levi said and got some more lube to ease the motion. He also spread some on the man’s cock before straddling him.
“This way is better.”

This time it didn’t hurt quite as much when he lowered himself onto Erwin. It still felt weird but less straining. Levi took his hand and put it on his cock. Slowly he moved and felt twitches inside of him. Even though he didn’t feel much pleasure yet there was a certain kind of arousal clouding his senses. The awareness of someone else thrusting into him in that way. The warmth inside that wasn’t his own.
These things made this situation special.

Erwin began stroking Levi slowly. Soft moans caressed his lips and eyes closed on a head dropping back. One hand on Erwin’s lower abdomen, Levi began to ride him. Fuck himself with Erwin’s cock slowly at first and then picking up some speed. It felt better now. Better with Erwin’s heavy breathing and occasional moans. Better with the feeling of care underneath all that. His eyes were darker now. Not the icy color of before and the sadness was completely gone. There was only pleasure sitting within them.

“Erwin,” Levi whispered and bit his lips. Without any control he got faster and faster. He let himself be carried away by the desire that bloomed between them now.
There was Erwin’s hand on his cock. Tightly wrapped around it, moving up and down. Levi felt how his body heated up and how his breath came in heavy pushes.

He slowed down, however, to allow himself a bit of a breather. His body wasn’t used to that kind of penetration and he definitely felt its effects now. It burned a little but the pleasure clouded any pain that might’ve been in the way.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked and caressed Levi’s cheek now. Some of his own precome got onto heated skin.

“Yes.”

Levi leaned over and kissed Erwin. Strong hips thrust into him now; their mouths connected while hot moans trickled into their kiss. Levi’s hands got a hold of Erwin’s shoulders. His voice was nothing more but a mixture of inarticulate noises with the other’s name occasionally slipping in.

Erwin stopped sometimes to see if Levi could take some more before picking up his motions again. His hand searched for the man’s cock to caress it and give him even more pleasure. He wanted to devote this entire moment to him. The one who had given him so much to look at. So much time without dark thoughts.

“Erwin…” Levi whined and tensed up. He was close.

“Come, Levi,” he whispered into his ear and thrust a little harder. “Don’t hold back.”

There was a deep breath, a hold, and then a languid moan right next to Erwin’s ear. His name fell various times with shivers covering an entire body. Levi grasped and clawed into skin because he faced overstimulation by a man who didn’t stop. Who wanted to hear a bit more.
His senses felt like they were about to rip. His muscles twitched uncontrollably until he finally felt the warmth of release and the low moans of Erwin.

Their trembling bodies melted into an embrace. Clouded by heavy breaths.

That was when everything found an end.

Levi remembered how Erwin stood there at the window right after. Cold air came in and fingers held onto a cigarette. Levi hated them but didn’t say anything. He just lay there and watched the man sink into his own thoughts as he watched the idle scenery.
The night had shone onto his face and displayed the sadness once again. So very deeply that Levi thought he could feel it as well.

Did he watch the mountains again?

Levi would never come to know.

The following days he didn’t find Erwin to be sitting where he usually was. At first he thought it would be just one day without the presence of the veteran. Even though deep down he knew that wasn’t true. Later he got uneasy whenever he’d approach the shop because the sight of an empty bench stung in places that weren’t supposed to sting.

A question became certainty.

Did Erwin leave?

He left.

Levi tried finding him at first but remembered that he never got to know where he actually lived. If he actually lived here or somewhere completely else. He did mention that he’d moved here a few weeks ago, but that seemed strange and impossible now.

With each day that passed without Erwin sitting there on the bench watching the mountains, Levi began to feel emptier. As if the man had taken something with him.

A month later Levi found himself in front of the bench once again. A painting was clasped tightly between his arm and torso. Words of a last conversation flooded his mind as he placed it onto the spot where Erwin had always sat.
It was a painting of the mountains.

“Levi you once said a sad person’s eyes tell a thousand tales.”

“Yes.”

“Am I a tale to you?”

“The best I’ve encountered so far.”