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"Your Ladyship!" Colon jumped down from the duty officer desk to intercept Lady Sybil as she waddled into the Psuedopolis yard watchhouse.
"Sargent it's lovely to see you. Is your wife well?" Lady Sybil chirped pausing to properly greet him. Colon uncomfortable in the presents of authority and Lady Sybil being the ultimate Authority in his opinion stuttered. He removed his helmet and worried the rim between his fingers.
"She's fine your ladyship," he mumbled.
"And your children?" Sybil added cheerfully her genuine interest throwing Colon off balance, he mumbled they were fine. "Jolly good! Sam in his office?" Sybil asked not bothering to wait for the answer she headed deeper into the watch-house.
"I'll fetch him Your LadyShip!" Colon whined trying to respectfully pull her out of the bullpen and away from the stairs. "You just take a rest at my desk."
"Nonsense, I know the way. I grew up here after all," Sybil brushed him off only to be confronted by a plate of hurriedly arrange biscuits brandished by Nobby.
"Afternoon your Ladyship! Hoob-Knoob?" Nobby sang shoving the plate under Lady Sybil's nose.
"Afternoon Nobby," Sybil said pushing the plate out of her sinuses. "Just one thank you, Sam and I are going to lunch," Lady Sybil explained choosing a Hoob-Knoob.
"Why don't you let me fetch him, your Ladyship. You can wait in the Canteen. We've recently rinsed out the tea earn and it smells slightly less of unwashed socks there. Nice cup of tea, just the thing for a chilly day like this," Nobby suggested dropping his cheeky-chappy card, like a cannon ball.
"Thank you Nobby but I've reserved us a table," Sybil said politely but firmly. She scooted round Nobby and dodged a troll having his rights read to him.
"Lady Ramkin-Vimes!" Reg Shoe appeared from behind the troll and blocking her parth. Sybil yelped leaping back a step. "I didn't mean to startle you, your ladyship but I have been hoping to meet you. Constable Shoe, Homicide!" Reg held out a grey hand to shake.
"Yes, I can see that," Sybil remarked taking in Reg's decaying face, she composed herself. "I mean of course Sam has mentioned you Constable, he always has a good word to say," taking Regs hand and shaking it vigorously. Every word was like a hearty pat on the back. Reg felt his chest inflate, it risked bursting open again.
"I am surprised... but your lady ship I was hoping to introduce you to our community project. Consider this! You wake up one morning, not quite feeling yourself. Only to discover you passed away in the night and are now one of the differently-living. You're confused, unsure who to turn to! That's what the Fresh Start club is here for!" Reg explained pulling out a try of grey paper flowers from his desk.
"I'm glad to hear that," Sybil mumbled.
"We at the Fresh start club endeavour to provide much needed support to the differently living, and to dispel the stereotype of the Undead. Undead Yes, Unperson No! And we need allies!"
"Of course such a worthy organisation has my support." Sybil interrupted trying to edge her way round the zombie. Reg grinned so wide he risked splitting his face in two. He picked a grey flower and pinned it to Sybil's coat.
"I am so pleased to hear that. I have our Manifesto here," He pulled a book from his draw, it thumped as it landed on the desk. He licked this finger which did nothing and flicked open the book.
"I think perhaps if we talk about this another time. Come to afternoon tea next week and we'll go into this in depth," Sybil trilled and skipped away from before he could stop her Reg.
"Mam, have you let Om into your life?" Constable Visit-The-Infidel-With-Explanatory-Pamphlets stood brandishing his pamphlets at Lady Sybil, like a white flag above a trench. Sybil was ready for this, she dropped a dollar into the jar on Vist's desk and snatched a pamphlet without loosing momentum.
"She took a leaflet," Vist gasped gazing astonished at Sybil's retreating back. Nobby, Reg, and Colon exchanged a look.
"Lady Vimes a watch-house isn't really the place for a woman in your condition," Colon shouted. Sybil froze her hand on the bannister and spun round fixing Colon with a gaze that could have cut glass.
"Sergeant Colon!" She drew herself up which made a continental shift blush. "My grandmother once fought off a battalion with nothing but the Gardner and an inelegant parrot for assistants. All while being in my condition! The siege lasted the majority of the pregnancy. Not only did she give birth to healthy twins but on the same day got bloody well up again and back into the fray the babies under one arm a board sword in the other..."
As Sybil's lecture on Ramkin women history continued, Nobby frantically rolled his eyes and twitched his head at Littlebottom.
"Cheery!" Sybil cried turning as Littlebottom failed to tiptoe past her and up the stairs. Cheery screamed and stood to attention. "I haven't seen you since Bonk how have you been?" Sybil asked unmoved by Cheery's fear.
"I've been fine Mam just... Fine." Cheery managed glaring down at her steel toed boots.
"Glad to hear it. I simply love what you've done with your beard," Sybil added pointing to the bows in Cheery's platted beard. Cheery blushed, a sudden flash of interpretation hit her.
"Actually Lady Sybil I would like your opinion on my... eye shadow," Cheery lied, her ears going pink.
"I'm not really the person to ask," Sybil said a little uneasy.
"I would appreciate your advice," Cheery tried.
"Your makeup today is simply radiant, nothing I could say would improve it," Sybil assured her and politely excused herself as Cheery blush depend.
"Lady Thybil!" The basement door flung open dramatically and smoke rolled across the floor as Igor hobbled out. "I'd give it a minute," he added trying to fan away the smoke, he shut the door before shuffling over to lady Sybil a binder clutched tightly in his hand.
"Lady Thybil, have you given much thought on the big day?" Igor asked when he reached Sybil who stood stunned her foot poised on the first step of the stairs.
"It's been on my mind recently," She managed, raising an eyebrow at Igor.
"Well I have been doing some research on the subject," Igor explained opening the folder and presenting it to Sybil. "I think I have a few ideas," He said as Sybil started to go green.
"That is a very detailed drawing," She managed, fighting for breath. The world of anatomy was all too unsettling when it was not a dragon.
"Yeths, I have been especially looking into cases involving older women and there are a few things I found," He pulled out a disturbingly tactile looking instrument from his belt and measured Sybils Bump. He went "mmm" and made a note in his folder.
"Seven months yesss?" He asked
"Yesss..." Sybil said genuinely impressed.
Igor went "Mmm" and made more notes, "Perhaps we should go downstairs so this examination can be done probably," Igor said pressing his ear to Sybils bump and tapping it like a melon.
"Igor, as much as I appreciate your concern I have a perfectly good midwife but thank you," Sybil snapped politely and marched up the stairs. Pulling herself up the last of the steps, fighting for breath Sybil almost bumped into the road block that was Detritus.
"Sargent," Sybil nodded.
"Your ladyship," Detritus nodded. Sybil waited but the Troll didn't move.
"How is Ruby?"
"She is fine your ladyship,"
There was silent.
"May I pass please Sargent." She asked after an awkward moment.
"I was told to keep you here," Detritus said bluntly. Sybil glared at him. She tried to shuffle passed but Detritus sealed the hallway like a tomb door.
"By whom?" Sybil snapped crossing her arms. Detritus remained stone-faced, which came easily to him. "For how long are you to keep me here Sargent?" Sybil Asked after another moment.
"Not sure Mam," Detritus confessed.
"May I pass now?" Sybil asked sweetly. Detritus shrugged his vast shoulders and knuckeld out of the way. Sybil thanked him and continued towards Vime's office only to be confronted by Carrot, Angua leant on the wall behind him smirking.
"Hello, Your Ladyship..." Carrot started but Sybil waved him silent.
"I don't want to hear it Carrot, I am tired of playing silly buggers and I am getting very hungry. Is Sam in his office?" Sybil snapped. Carrot went pink.
"No... That is to say yes... Mister Vimes is in a meeting... Mr Vimes is busy with paperwork," Carrot lied badly, his face getting redder with every word, again he looked to Angua for help.
"I'm not getting involved," Angua laughed, nodding at Lady Sybil as she abandoned Carrot to his fate. Sybil gave him a glare to end all glares.
"I am going to see my husband! Let me pass Carrot," Sybil growled pushing him out the way almost sprinting up the last few stairs to Vime's Office. "Sam!" she bellowed bursting though the door.
"Sybil! What are you doing here," Vimes stuttered, slamming the drawer of his desk shut.
"You promised to take me lunch Sam," Sybil said, panting for breath, she stared Vimes down. "Did you forget?" she growled.
"Yes! Of course not Dear. Let's go," Vimes said hurriedly, he jumped up and took Sybil's arm gently but firmly pulling her towards the door. "Just let me finish some paperwork," he added unconvincingly. Sybil pulled her arm away and marched towards the desk, she wrenched the drawer open.
"Oh Sam," She signed staring down, she reached in and picked up a plate. "What is this?" she asked darkly.
"Alright! I forgot about lunch, I'm sorry Sybil. It's just a BLT" Vime snapped as respectfully as he could. Sybil glared at the offensive sandwich and lifted the top bread slice.
"I don't see any lettuce in the BLT Sam." She said calmly, coldly. A warning shiver went down Vime's back. "Or Tomato," She added glaring at him.
"Let's go to lunch," Vimes suggest cheerfully. Sybil glared at him and keeping eye contact she took a ferocious bite of the sandwich.
"Don't think this means you're getting out of our lunch date Sam," She snapped pointing at her Husband. "I'm eating for two you know and I'm saving your from yourself,"
"Yes dear," Vimes signed. They made their way down the stairs. Sybil finished the sandwich showing every sign of enjoyment.
"They have some very nice salad options at this Cafe Sam, much better for you than Bacon Sandwiches," Sybil said loudly as they passed the Bullpen makeing sure all heard her. Surprisingly most of the officer were now deeply preoccupied with paperwork. Vimes felt the pitying stares of his subroutines on the back of neck as he followed his wife dejectedly.
"Yes dear." He sighed.