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Torian couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so nervous.
The raucous merrymaking of all the Mandalorian clans echoed throughout the camp as the hunters marked their victory, celebrating their survival while honoring the fallen. The sounds of celebratory blaster fire and loud cheering provided Torian and Selliah exactly the distraction they needed to slip away. Tempting as it was to join in on the festivities, Torian wanted nothing more than to finally be alone with his wife.
Tonight, they would celebrate survival in their own way.
But as he led Selliah to his tent, located in the outskirts of the camp, Torian was overwhelmed by thoughts of her. All of the memories, hopes, and dreams that had sustained him over the years suddenly felt like water passing through his fingers. Once, they had been as tangible as the way her hand felt in his right now.
Torian was suddenly faced with the reality that, though he had fought hard to keep her memory alive, the version of Selliah he had tried to preserve in his mind simply couldn’t compare to the real woman walking alongside him. He had forgotten what it was like to be near her; to feel her presence in a room; to have her fight at his side in battle; to touch her and hold her and feel her lips on his. He had forgotten how easily she commanded a room and the way she carried herself with brazen confidence no matter the circumstances.
He was ashamed of just how had slipped from his memory. He almost felt like he had to mourn her all over again.
All Torian had ever wanted was to do right by her. He wanted to honor her the way she deserved, to be worthy of her. More than five years had passed since he had seen her, but it hadn’t felt that way for Selliah while she was frozen in carbonite. He wondered what it must have been like for her to wake up and find the entire galaxy a different place than the one she thought she knew, how painful it had been to find him again feeling like mere months had passed when it had in fact been years. He was afraid he was no longer the man she remembered and loved, as much as he had tried to be even while she was gone. He didn’t want to let her down.
When they entered his tent, Torian released Selliah’s hand and secured the flap behind them. The chances of them being disturbed were slim, but he wanted to be extra sure that they would have no interruptions. Mandalorians were a notoriously rowdy bunch. He wouldn’t put it past some of their brothers and sisters to come looking for them once they realized they were missing out on the party.
“Nice place you got here,” Selliah remarked dryly, taking a good look around.
Torian chuckled. She wouldn’t have to look for very long; his private quarters weren’t much in the way of luxury. The space was small, just large enough to fit a single bed for him to sleep on and a footlocker for his few belongings. The privacy his accommodations afforded him made it more than worth it, though. Especially now.
The gentle pressure of Selliah’s hand on the small of his back nearly made Torian jump. His body tensed as she found the gaps between his armor plates with ease, gliding one finger down the base of his spine. Torian closed his eyes briefly, imagining that same hand on his skin, no barriers between them, and shuddered.
Slowly, he turned to face her. Selliah smiled at him with a knowing glint in her eye.
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s a little weird for me, too.”
Torian smiled back at her. Her confession eased some of his worries, but he was still unsure of himself, his nerves eating away at him like vultures picking his bones dry.
“I thought about this a lot,” he admitted. “What would happen if you actually . . .”
“Came back?” she finished for him.
Torian nodded. It still felt too surreal to say it out loud. He hadn’t had time to process her arrival earlier. He had been so shocked to see her, but they’d had important work to do, as always, and in that moment all that had truly mattered was that she was alive.
“Just hard to believe it’s really happening,” he continued quietly.
Selliah hummed softly in agreement as she took another step toward him. “I know what you mean.”
Torian couldn’t quite look her in the eye, plagued by his own doubt. His pulse fluttered wildly in his neck and his mouth went dry.
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” he said.
Selliah regarded him with a look of confusion. “Torian, stop. Look at me. I couldn’t be happier.”
The sincerity in her voice took his breath away. She came even closer, stepping right into his personal space. She moved her hand up to the middle of his back and urged him forward.
“Finding you again is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time,” she continued, her voice quiet, small, stricken with emotion. “And I couldn’t be prouder to see the man you’ve become.”
Those words meant more to Torian than he could ever properly express, though he supposed Selliah understood that already. It was a relief, honestly, to see that she was still an expert in finding the gaps in his armor—in all the ways that mattered.
He sighed as Selliah moved her hands to the front of his armor, tracing the metal detailing with her fingers, and slowly slid them up to rest on his shoulders.
“Now,” she said, dropping her voice suggestively, “why don’t you take this off?”
Torian covered her hands with his own. He squeezed them gently before he lifted them off his shoulders and brought them to his lips. He took his time kissing each of her fingers, tasting the sand and smoke on her gloves. He watched her closely for a reaction and delighted in the subtle hitch of her breath, glad to see that he still remembered how to get under skin just as much as she did his.
“You first,” he countered playfully.
With another smile, Selliah slid her hands from his grasp and took two steps back. She held his gaze as she began to undo the clasp of her belt, moving just as slowly as he had, cocking one hip to the side, and then let it drop to the ground.
Torian swallowed audibly at the display. It was an obvious challenge, and it was one that he was eager to accept.
Selliah smirked. “Don’t keep me waiting, Torian.”
In his haste, Torian made quick work of his weapons and armor, casting each piece aside with less care than usual, and then stripped until he was left in nothing but his briefs. Each article of clothing was another obstacle that kept her from him and vice versa. He wanted to do away with them as quickly as possible.
Selliah was still half-dressed by the time he was finished. Most of her armor and clothes gathered in a pile on the ground, but she still wore the top half of her kit, her chestplate secured firmly around her torso.
“Help me with this?” she asked, turning away from him.
She rubbed the back of her left shoulder, no doubt sore from the exertion of a long day. It was an old injury, Torian recalled, one that she had gotten before their meeting. According to Selliah, it had never healed right and made it difficult for her to raise her arm fully above her head or reach behind her back. No amount of kolto could ever get the stiffness out of that shoulder, but Selliah, stubborn as she was, refused to get it surgically corrected.
He had helped her out of her armor countless times before for that very reason, but Torian’s hands still shook at the prospect of seeing her completely undressed as he came to stand behind her. He undid the clasps slowly and set the chestplate down with more care than he had shown his own. When that was out of the way, he helped her out of her shirt, lifting it over her head before tossing it behind her.
Selliah turned back around. Her eyes slowly traveled up the length of Torian’s form, taking him in. He tried not shy away under her scrutiny, a faint blush warming his cheeks as she appreciated his physique. When at last her gaze settled back on his face, Torian inhaled deeply in anticipation of her next move, expecting her to proceed with touch as she had done before. Instead, she simply stood there and watched him.
They both stood still for a long time, taking in the sight of one another’s nearly bare bodies. Torian’s cheeks grew even warmer as he admired the shape of her, committing each angle and curve to memory so that he would never forget them again. Selliah stood almost as tall as he did, with full hips, muscular thighs, and wide shoulders. Freckles formed constellations all across her tanned skin, more beautiful than the stars in the endless night sky outside.
The intensity of the moment hit Torian like a blaster shot to the chest, leaving him breathless. It was strange. The years he had spent searching for her, waiting for her, had felt like an eternity. Now that they were together again, it felt as though they had never parted, that five dreadfully long years had never passed without her by his side.
Selliah frowned at him, a look of concern etched into in her features. She reached for him, gently placing her hand upon his cheek.
“Talk to me,” she said. “What are you thinking?”
“You’re here,” Torian answered softly. He felt like he was in a dream, and that any moment he would wake up alone to a cold, empty bed, the way he had so many nights before. “Sel, I don’t—”
He shook his head, unable to say it—how so many years had passed, how deeply he had mourned her, how painful it had been to live without her, only for her to come crashing back into his life like a falling star. His eyes welled with tears, and he swallowed against the sudden tightness in his throat.
“Selliah.”
Her name left his lips in a rush of breath, though his voice sounded rougher than he expected it to. Embarrassed, Torian lowered his gaze, but Selliah stopped him. She tilted his chin upward with her thumb and forefinger so that she could look him in the eye.
“Torian,” she whispered back.
Slowly, Torian reached for her in return, taking her face into his hands. He sucked in a breath when he felt her skin beneath his touch, a reminder that she was real, that she was actually there. He touched her reverently, his fingertips gentle against her face as he memorized her features all over again, as if it were the first time. He traced the slope of her nose, the soft curves of her lips, the faint scar bisecting her eyebrow. He marveled at the softness of her sun-kissed skin, warm and inviting even in the night air.
Selliah closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. Torian stared openly at her face, cataloguing all of the changes in her appearance since they had last been together. Her dark hair was shorter and there were streaks of grey in places there hadn’t been before. She had upgraded her cybernetic implants with newer tech that was sleeker and subtler, made from stainless metal that didn’t stand out as harshly against her skin.
So much had changed, yet so much was still the same. The lines around her eyes still crinkled when she started to smile, and her smile still created a shallow dimple in her right cheek, and her nose still twitched in place of laughter when she opened her eyes and caught him looking at her so intently.
Maybe he hadn’t forgotten as much as he had thought after all. Time had changed them both, there was no question about that . . . but she was still his Selliah.
“Hi,” she said softly.
Torian smiled. “Su cuy’gar.”
Those words had never felt more significant than they did in that moment. Still alive.
That was all it took—the familiarity in her gentle tone, the ease with which she drew him from his shell. Torian felt the last of his nerves melt away, and with a force akin only to the pull of gravity, they fell together, meeting one another in a fierce embrace.
Free from their armor, Torian could hold her properly now, could feel the strong lines of her body pressed tightly against his. Selliah relaxed in his arms and Torian sighed into her hair, overcome with joy and excitement, but also a strong sense of relief. His wife was alive and finally back in his arms, where he had hoped against hope she would return for five achingly long years, and she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.
Torian leaned forward and kissed her with a fire he could no longer tame, one that consumed him from the inside out like the heat of his flamethrower. He roamed up and down the length of her body with his hands, stroking her skin, squeezing the taut muscles beneath. She felt so perfect against him, their bodies fitting together as though they had been made for each other.
Selliah moaned into the kiss. She wove her fingers through his hair and stood on her toes to grant herself better reach. Torian wrapped both of his arms around her in return and groaned softly when he felt the bite of her fingernails against his scalp. He shuddered when he felt the familiar pull of arousal soon after, enticing and distracting all at once.
He continued to kiss her until his lungs hurt, desperate for air. When he drew back from her lips, Torian lifted Selliah off of the ground and made his way deeper into the tent, never looking away from her eyes.
He sat down at the edge of the bed and held her in his lap. Selliah bent her head to kiss him once more, but then pulled away only a moment later. With a whine of protest, Torian leaned in, chasing after her, but Selliah turned her face before he could kiss her again. She met his gaze briefly, the gleam in her eyes ablaze with her own desire, before she leaned down and pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the base of his throat.
Torian groaned as he tipped his head back, allowing Selliah more space. She ventured upward, brushing her lips over his chin, along the angle of his jaw. He gasped when she took his earlobe between her teeth and gave it a gentle tug.
Arousal pulsed inside of him with searing intensity. He needed more, needed to feel the full expanse of her skin against his. He formed his fingers into fists around the fabric of her camisole, feeling torn between stopping her and encouraging her. Though he wanted to slow down and take his time to savor their long-awaited reunion, he also didn’t know long he would be willing ignore the aching need he felt, the desire that sang in his blood and called to her just as loudly.
“Torian,” Selliah said, her voice taking on an urgency that he instantly recognized, and Torian knew then that there was no way he could resist her.
He looked at her, saw the same yearning he felt reflected in her eyes, and nodded.
Selliah stood from his lap in order to undress completely, yanking her camisole over her head. Her movements were rushed, clumsy in her haste. Her underwear quickly followed, and she kicked them to the side once they fell around her feet.
Torian pulled his briefs down just far enough before Selliah climbed back on top of him. He groaned at the feel of her, warm and slick, when she lowered herself down onto him without warning, enveloping him with a roll of her hips. He felt like a live wire, a rush of desire coursing through him like an electric current, and his heartbeat thundered against his ribs.
Selliah shifted in his lap, rising slowly onto her knees before coming back down, taking him in deeper. Torian moaned loudly, unable to stifle it, and unconsciously thrust his hips forward in response.
“Oh,” Selliah murmured, brows drawn together. “Torian, I need . . .”
“I’ve got you,” Torian said. He slid his hands up her back as he kissed her neck, her breasts, her left shoulder. “I’ve got you.”
They started slow, taking the time to relearn one another, familiarizing themselves as lovers. They set a steady pace, but even then it was simultaneously too much and not enough. It wasn’t long before Selliah surrendered to her passions and dragged Torian in after her. She rocked in his lap, chasing after her pleasure, her movements increasingly becoming harder and faster. Torian grabbed the firm flesh of her ass and fell in sync with her, guiding her forward and backward as he thrust his hips to meet hers.
They were utterly lost in each other, and there was no turning or holding back. Theirs was a frantic rhythm, one born of desperation and longing and raw need that for Torian was years in the making. Hot, sharp pleasure built inside of him with every thrust, a tightening knot on the verge of snapping. All of his senses were consumed by Selliah and only Selliah: the taste of her skin beneath his lips; the scent of her hair tickling his face; the quiet sounds of pleasure she made as they moved together. Torian never wanted it to end. He never wanted to let her go.
Selliah’s fingers found purchase between the strands of his hair once more as she began to tremble in his arms. Torian recognized the way her body tensed, the way the muscles in her legs flexed as her thighs tightened around his hips, and the way she fell completely, uncharacteristically silent once she was on the precipice of release.
Selliah was a talker by nature. She talked often and loudly with the same level of confidence she exuded in everything she did. She could shoot a man in the knees and convince him it was his own doing. But in the privacy afforded to them by their lovemaking, she was as quiet as she was when lining up the perfect headshot. To be the subject of such pure focus made Torian burn for her that much more.
Torian, on the other hand, found himself to be the complete opposite. Words had never been his strong point, so he was typically a man of very few. But there was so much he wanted to tell her. He needed her to know just how much he loved her, how terribly he had missed her, how he wished to never be apart from her, and how amazing and warm and perfect she felt clenched around him.
He didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know if it would be enough.
“Sel,” was all he managed to say through gritted teeth. “Cyar’ika . . .”
Selliah’s mouth swiftly descended on his. She kissed him thoroughly, and the taste of her tongue in his mouth was almost enough to undo him altogether, but Torian continued to mouth the words against her lips whenever he came up for air, listing off every endearment he knew of in both Mando’a and Basic. His voice was low, laden with desire, almost unrecognizable even to his own ears, as he uttered a litany of praise and adoration for her very existence. He felt Selliah squeeze all around him in response, tightening her fingers in his hair, and with a soft, wordless cry, she finally came apart.
Torian watched her closely as it happened, struck by the kaleidoscope of emotions that played out across her face—sheer and utter bliss, followed by shock, and then finally joy as she moaned his name and laughed euphorically, grinning from ear to ear. She held onto the back of his head tightly, making him see everything he made her feel, and Torian was helpless against the supernova that was his own completion. He groaned as he followed her over the edge with only a few more quick thrusts.
Selliah came to a gradual halt in his lap. Spent and sated, Torian slowly slid out from her and fell back against the bed with a deep, satisfied sigh. His eyelids grew heavy as exhaustion seeped into his bones. Selliah collapsed on top of him, laying kiss after kiss along his neck and shoulders.
Torian leaned his head back on the pillow, the fabric cool against his flushed face. He rolled onto his side and brought Selliah along with him, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. She hummed contentedly, shifting closer to him and resting her forehead against his. When Torian looked down at her, she smiled sweetly at him, her cheeks turning pink. Her chest rose and fell against his as she fought to catch her breath.
“I missed you so much,” she said, her voice trembling.
“Missed you, too,” Torian replied.
“I don’t ever want to be away from you again.”
Torian shook his head. “Never. Never again.”
Selliah nodded and smiled wider, and Torian’s heart fluttered just like it had the day they met. He leaned in and kissed her, unable to fathom just how lucky he was to have her back. He stroked her hair down the nape of her neck, reveling in the tenderness of the moment, the comfortable air of intamacy that settled around them, warmer than any blanket.
But then a thought occurred to him, and Torian realized that, in the excitement of their reunion, he had neglected to tell her something important, something he believed she needed to hear.
He pulled back from Selliah’s lips. He kissed the bridge of her nose and nudged her gently, waiting until she opened her eyes before proceeding.
“There’s been no one else,” he said.
Selliah’s eyes widened slightly in realization. She searched his face as she processed the information, and just like that, something seemed to dissolve in her then, a tension Torian hadn’t realized she had been carrying until it was suddenly not there.
She touched his cheek and guided his lips back to hers. Her relief was palpable, so strong that Torian could practically taste it in her kiss.
“Should’ve told you earlier,” he added quickly.
“I wasn’t going to ask,” Selliah said. “I would’ve understood, but . . .”
Torian shook his head adamantly. The mere thought of another’s touch upon him filled him with guilt, even though no such act had taken place. To him, it would have been nothing less than betrayal. He had feared the worst of her fate, that Selliah would never return to him, but he had always hoped—had never allowed himself not to hope. Selliah was it for him. There could be no one else.
“I knew you’d be back,” he told her. “That you’d find me.”
Her hazel eyes glistened with tears in the darkness of the tent. Selliah swallowed and nodded before she lowered her forehead back to his.
“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum,” she whispered.
Her emotional response, combined with the sound of her speaking Mando’a, made Torian’s chest tighten. His feelings broke through him with a level of intensity he didn’t anticipate, and he exhaled shakily as his own eyes filled with tears that he had held back for far too long. He closed his eyes as the tears rolled down his cheeks, and his voice broke when he spoke the vow he had made to her on the day of their wedding:
“I know you forever, cyare.”
They stayed that way for the rest of the night, taking shelter in each other’s embrace, uncaring of the outside world and all its many challenges. They mourned all the time they had lost, but then celebrated the time they still had now that they were together again.
Against all the odds, they were still alive, and they would live to fight another day.