Chapter Text
Chapter 1 – Where is Eskild?
Friday October 14th 2016, 22:47, Kollektivet
ISAK
“She’s cute though” Isak says, not being able to look up into his face, eyes firmly on
the kitchen floor, “Sonja”. He could feel his stomach tightening as he said her name, eyes still fixed on the ground, heat rising in his cheeks. Even suddenly steps closer, but Isak doesn’t look up. Instead he holds his breath, his body frozen, not being able to understand what is happening. Something is happening though, he realises as Even positions his face painfully close to Isaks. Isak can feel the heat radiating from Evens body, he can smell the beer on his breath, he can hear his own heart pounding in his chest, still not daring to breathe, the air constricted in his lungs. After a short moment of hesitation Isak slowly turns his head to meet Even, their lips so close and…
The high sound of a door closing shut rips Isak out of the moment and back to the reality. A reality where he is far from comfortable with the fact that he likes boys rather than girls and even more uncomfortable with the thought of someone else finding it out.
Isak hurriedly moves into the hallway, too stressed to throw a second glace at Even, who follows closely behind. He expects it to be a tired Linn wanting to escape back into the safety of her room. It’s far more unlikely for Eskild to be the cause of the sound seeing as he regards any party ending before midnight to be an epic waste of his youth. It’s however neither Linn nor Eskild who stands in the hallway as Isak, closely followed by Even, enters. It’s Noora.
She stands quietly in the hall, wearing a white tight fitted t-shirt under a grey dress and Isak looks at her puzzled. For a second he is sure his roommates knew she was coming and that he must have tuned Eskild out when he told him. Isak does that a lot, tunes Eskild out. Eskild talks a lot and often it’s just jibberish. As Isaks eyes flashes over Nooras face again and he notices the cautious and nervous, almost fragile, look on her face and realise that his roommates probably didn’t know.
“Eeh… Where is Eskild?” Noora is the first one to speak, her voice low but steady. “He just left for the revue party a little while ago. We were just cleaning up a bit before joining.” Isak answers and gestures at Even who’s standing behind him, feeling that he quickly had to justify to Noora why he is alone with some guy, even though she hadn’t seen anything. Cause nothing had happened. So there was nothing to see.
“Hi, Even, I’m in kosegruppa with Isak”, Even holds out his hand.
“Noora”, she shakes it politely before turning back to Isak. “Can I borrow your…” she starts but stops mid-sentence, looking uncertain of how to continue, “I was gonna call…”. Noora closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She speaks quickly, with a determined voice when she finally manages to get out a full sentence. “I meant to call but my phone died, can I borrow yours? I just need to tell Eskild… Her voice trembles slightly when she says Eskilds name but her face is composed.
Isak hands over his phone over to Noora who immediately pulls up Eskilds number and presses the phone to her ear. There is a silent awkwardness surrounding the three of them as Isak and Even stands quietly, Isaks refusing to look at Even and Even looking curiously between Isak and Noora, waiting for Eskild to pick up. He doesn’t pick up and Noora uncharacteristically sputters a low “Fuck” before making a second attempt to reach him. When Eskild still hasn’t answered after the fourth attempt Noora looks completely deflated. She hands the phone back to Isak and for a little while they just stand in silence.
Isak is the first to break the silence.
“Are you okay?” Noora, nods to indicate yes but her lips start to tremble and he can see tears building in her eyes.
“Yeah, I just… “She starts but doesn’t finish. Isak is a bit taken a back by this fragile version of Noora, only having seen her being happy, confident and strong before. It makes him uncomfortable, like he should comfort her but shouldn’t because they don’t really know each other. Isak has probably never had a conversation with just Noora, only spoken to her when she has been with Eva. Noora takes a breath and continues to speak, her voice slightly broken. “I just want need to see Eskild” She pauses, wipes with her fingers under her eyes, trying her hardest not to start crying. “London, it’s…” Tears starts to stream down her cheek and Isak becomes even more uncomfortable. “It’s not working” Noora’s final words are barely a whisper as tears keeps coming and she hides her face in her hands.
Isak is frozen for a second before he takes a quick step forward and pulls Noora into his arms. She sobs and shakes in his arms and Isak becomes extremely aware that he has no idea what to do or say, so he just holds her. As he holds her and wonders what to do next Even suddenly speaks. Isak’s uncomfortableness had made him temporarily forget about Even and the almost-kiss in the kitchen.
“Eh… I was going to the revue-party” Evens eyes travel over Isak’s face and meets his gaze, almost like tries to tell Isak something without saying it aloud. Isak however has no idea of what. “I could try and find Eskild and tell him to call?” Even continues and Isak smiles gratefully at him and Noora detangle herself from his embrace. She wipes the tears from her face, and looks at Even.
“Yeah, thanks” She gives him a weak smile before she continues, “Could you not tell anyone else? I’ll talk to the girls tomorrow, but I just…” She shrugs and doesn’t finish her sentence but turns back to Isak and wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. This surprises Isak slightly but he holds her tightly nonetheless.
Isak looks apologetically at Even and mimes thank you as Noora clings on to him, her body shaking from crying. He holds her tightly as Even puts on his shoes and jacket, feeling that he should say something to acknowledge what almost happened in the kitchen but he doesn’t know what. So he stays silent, his hands stroking Noora over the shoulders while his eyes are fixed at Even. Even, who have concentrated on tying his shoelaces looks up at Isak, giving him a crocked smile.
“Isak, I don’t have your number”, he starts and Isak’s stomach flutters, “I mean, so that I can let you know if I find Eskild.” Disappointment rinses over Isak. Even continues and hands his phone over to Isak, who manages to pull of a neutral face and. quickly saves his number in Evens phone, one arm still tightly wrapped around Noora’s shoulder. Even turns around, heading for the door without another word and Isak thinks that maybe he imagined the almost-kiss or maybe Even changed his mind, when Even turns around looking Isak straight in the eyes, “Hey, let’s hang out tomorrow, yeah?” Isak’s jaw almost drops as he utters a simple yeah back. Even raises his eyebrows, smiles and heads out without another word, leaving Isak with a second wave of stomach flutter.
Isak and Noora stand in the hallway for a few minutes after Even has left and Isak feels even more awkward now, not knowing at all what to say or do. As Noora’s breath steadies and her body slowly stops shaking he loosen his arms, not pressing the as tightly around her.
“You want water?” He asks her carefully, it’s the only thing he can think of. Noora nods and Isak moves into the kitchen to grab a glass for her. He stops for a minute by the sink, in the same place he stood just half an hour ago feeling Even’s breath on his cheek. They were going to kiss, Isak is sure of it and blushes of the memory as a tingling sensation fills him up.
Noora sits on the couch in the living room when Isak returns with the water, hugging her knees into her chest. She takes the glass, drinks half of it and gives Isak a weak smile when she puts it down on the living room table. Isak takes a seat on the couch, keeping a slight distance to Noora who, on his right side, has curled herself together hugging her knees again. Isak is, again, extremely uncomfortable and does not know whether hold her or not or if he should say something or not. His own way of coping when things get rough is to bottle everything up and not talk about it. It hasn’t really been a successful way of coping seeing as Eskild once found him in a gay club drunk of his as, bawling his eyes out and refusing to go home. Also, Isak is not great at comforting people, he tried hundreds of time with his mom and failed. There was that time when he held Eva for hours after Jonas had found out about Chris but seeing as Isak was the one who caused the secret so spread all over the school even though he promised Eva not to tell anyone he doesn’t feel that is counts.
They sit like that for a while, Noora hugging her legs, Isak positioned on her left side feeling that he is probably the roommate Noora least wanted to be home. When tears start to stream down Noora’s cheeks once again, Isak is too uncomfortable to just sit by and pulls her into her arms letting Noora cry into his chest. It is awkward, but strangely not as awkward as Isak anticipated. He doesn’t say anything but just keeps holding her, his left arm steadying her against him and his right hand loosely stroking her arm. It takes about 15 minutes until Noora no longer cries, but neither of them shifts their position.
“I’m sorry” Noora starts, “I didn’t mean to ruin your night and make you stay behind and everything” Isak smiles down at her.
“Honestly, I didn’t really feel like going, that’s why I stayed behind and cleaned up when everyone left.” That is true, Isak had no intention to go to the revue party to watch Even and Sonja make out and feel compelled to make out with Emma to maintain the façade of straightness he had made everyone believe. Noora looks like she is unsure whether to believe him or not but gives him a weak smile. “Do you want to talk about it?” Isak asks carefully, not sure what answer he would prefer. Noora contemplate the question for a while before answering.
“No. It’s not that big of a deal” Isak doesn’t believe her but says nothing. “It’s just…” Noora seems to have changes her mind and tries to continue but seems unsure of what to say. She takes a breath. “It’s just, I haven’t slept for two days and I just really needed Eskild but my phone’s dead and William is just… and I’m really tired” She doesn’t specify what William is but buries her face in Isak’s chest once more. Isak no longer feels awkward holding Noora like this. Instead he feels bad for her, gathering that Noora probably feels worse than she lets on and that she really needs support right no. Preferably from Eskild.
“Noora? Why don’t you try and sleep for a while and I’ll wake you once Eskild is home? You can stay like this”. She doesn’t say anything but nods into his chest before adjusting her body so that her legs are outstretched in the couch, her face pressed into Isak’s chest and her arms half-hugging him. Isak holds her tightly, figuring that’s the right thing to do and softly strokes her back.
It doesn’t take long until he can feel Noora relax and her breathing slowing down. He manages to pull his phone from his pocket and disappointedly notices that there are no messages from Even. There are a few from Emma, wondering where he is. He replies that he won’t make it before putting the phone down then he allows his mind to wander back to the moment he and Even had in the kitchen. He is sure of it. Even was about to kiss him. Isak smiles at the memory and soon he too is sleeping, Noora cuddled up in his chest, his arms holding her tight and that’s how Eskild finds them a few hours later.