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It was another quiet night in camp and while your bones and muscles ached you decided to stay up and keep watch for the night. Your companions work themselves to the bone, fighting darkspawn, bandits, monsters of each variety all for the good of the Ferelden, you decided they needed some well-earned rest. The warm glow of the fire was relaxing, it was a stark difference to the chill of the forest. Knowing you would eventually fall asleep, you got up and headed towards the small pond that was overshadowed by a large oak tree with the moonlight pouring through it.
Slumping against the tree you let out a tired sigh. It had only been three months since your family had been slaughtered mercilessly by Howe. Every time you closed your eyes you saw your father in a pool of his own blood, your mother kneeling in it. Her armor soaking in his blood. It smelled so strongly of iron you could still taste it in your mouth. You would close your eyes and your dear nephew would be on his back, his poor little eyes were open like he was still experiencing the terror of death. You didn't even know if Fergus was still alive, his flesh could be decaying into the Korcari soil for all you knew.
Tears fell as you opened your eyes and looked at the moon shining through the leaves of the tree. How could all of this happen all at once? The murder of your family, the damn blight, becoming a warden, becoming the leader of a band of do-gooders. It was too much, too much pressure. So many people depend on your success, enough to get swallowed up by. Your band of do-gooders helped though, their support is the only thing that was keeping your head above the sea of pressure. Alistair's jokes, Morrigan's sass, Leliana's sweet laughter and songs, even Zevran's determined flirting. You smiled thinking of them, you didn't feel the tears slowly build up in your eyes but they fell. One by one.
What were you going to do? A damn Archdemon wasn't going to be a walk in the garden, yeah you have your friends, the allies you're continuing to gather. But you felt it deep in your gut that something that big and dangerous wasn't going to be killed by a simple sword. You slid down the tree, your hands covering your red and wet face. What a picture, the brave warden, fearlessly crying in the middle of the night alone. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this but then again you did. You wanted them to know that you were scared, that maybe you weren’t the grand general that everyone thought you were. Well besides Sten… he found a toad on a log a better leader than you.
“You make a habit of crying in the dark alone?” Alistair sat down beside you sure what to do, he was usually the one doing all the crying not the other way around.
“I don’t know, not really although you know what they say. You become those who are closest to.” Your tear stained cheeks lifted into a small smile.
“Care to share?” he placed his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close.
“I... I’m.” You tried to stop more tears from escaping but it didn’t help. “I’m so scared Alistair, how do I kill a bloody Archdemon?” You grabbed onto Alistair’s tunic and cried softly.
“How do I continue living when my whole family is dead? How do I-” You paused taking a quick intake of breath. “How do I justify killing people for doing whatever it takes to stop the Blight? What did I do for all of this to happen?”
“Shhh…” Alistair pulled you onto his lap and held you close. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you’ve done so many good things. You made the tough calls, those ends will justify the means. But no matter what outcome, you will always have me by your side.”
You looked up at your best friend, for everything that’s happened to you, this made it okay. Being in his arms, it was the only thing that was keeping you from falling apart. You didn’t know what to say in all honestly. How to you tell someone you're falling for them little by little in such a short amount of time. Words wouldn’t express your feelings.
Timidly you placed your hand on his cheek and leaned in closer, giving him time to turn away if he wanted. When there wasn’t any sign of rejection but his honey colored eyes looking at your plump lips with need, you took the plunge and kissed him. It was salty and had a weird taste of cheese, but it tasted like heaven to you. Never had a kiss meant so much for you, there were moments when you thought the suitors were the ones but this feeling overpassed them all.
When you pulled away Alistair’s eyes were still closed, his lips pulled into a blissful smile. “That was something I wasn’t expecting but if that’s the result of telling you I’ll be there for you I’ll gladly say it again with more feeling so I can get another kiss.”
You laughed quietly and pecked his lips “No need for that, you just have to ask.”
“Then can I have another?”
“Hmmm maybe, if you take over my watch now I'll give you as many as you want."
"You have a deal." He cradled your head in his large hands and kissed you.