Chapter Text
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CA: kar
CA: it's fuckin humiliating havvin to do this
CA: but i need a favvour
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, FISH FACE?
CA: i may
CA: havve told my parents id be bringin a boy home on friday
CA: and you're one a the only people that actually like me
CG: FUCK OFF, AMPORA
CG: I'M NOT BEING YOUR FAKE BOYFRIEND IN ORDER TO CONVINCE YOUR PARENTS YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE.
CA: not necessarily you
CA: i just need somebody wwho can be an insufferable prick for one day
CA: and be wwilling to act gay enough to trick my parents
CA: thats all
CG: I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
CG: NO PROMISES.
CA: preferably soon
CA: it's monday and i need a fake boyfriend for friday
CG: I'M ALREADY CONSIDERING TAKING BACK MY OFFER TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
CG: DONT PUSH YOUR LUCK, FUCKASS.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
Eridan cringed and cursed - Karkat was probably now angrier than ever, and he really needed this. For all his haughtiness and attempts to be liked, he was liked even less than the nerdiest of the nerds. There was no chance anyone would agree unless Karkat convinced them (the tiny ginger - smaller even than Eridan - could be incredibly persuasive when he wanted to be) and he desperately needed this, he needed his parents to back off a little.
It was already bad enough how dismissive they were of his gender, he at least needed to prove that he could find someone - all the better if said someone pissed them off beyond belief.
He poked idly at the bruise forming along his cheekbone. It wasn't anything new, but a light hiss still escaped him as he prodded it, making a mental note to stock up on concealer or something to hide the quickly purpling mark. His father's fists were harsh.
Sighing, Eridan tossed aside his phone and flopped on his bed, staring up at the white ceiling until his eyes swam. He hoped to God Karkat found someone willing to just come and pretend to be gay for just one day. Something felt very wrong about the idea of pretending he was in a relationship with someone he likely barely knew, especially if he would have to pay them - something he was expecting, but it wasn't a huge issue. He wasn't using his money for much in the first place.
He supposed it could be worse. It was just one dinner that whatever poor boy got roped in had to sit through. If Eridan had been anyone else, he wouldn't have wanted to spend any more time with his parents and brother than he had to. As it was, the time he spent with them was bad enough.
After his eyes had unfocused and refocused too many times to count he supposed he should attend to the slowly swelling bruise on his face, pushing himself up with a groan and wandering to the bathroom attached to his bedroom. There were times he was grateful that he had such a large house, and this was one of those times. It meant he didnt have to face his father.
When he looked in the mirror he blinked in surprise. It was worse than he had thought. A rather large, swelling purple lump marred his features, making his face appear lopsided. To anyone else it would have looked highly painful, but the teen was nothing if not used to it.
Eridan appeared rather vain and conceited to others, but he wasn't highly bothered about his looks. He supposed he had a nice face - when there wasn't swollen purple marking it - but it wasn't anything to write home about. A fucking feminine-ass face shape, a slicked back mess of black hair with his signature purple streak, stormy grey eyes that appeared purple in certain light (hidden behind hipster frames that, contrary to popular rumour, he actually did need to see properly), completed with his father's Greek complexion.
Now wasn't the time for reflection-pondering. He splashed some water on his face and prodded his bruise again. That was gonna be a bitch to cover up. Eridan took the time to think about just how feminine he looked. It wasn't his favourite subject matter, but it was an issue that he was reminded of on a daily basis, thanks to dysphoria and his family.
Whoop-de-fuckin-do.
Unwilling to shower thanks to the sudden surge in body dysphoria, Eridan simply wandered back into his room and stood for a moment, lost, before moving to check his phone. No messages. What did he expect? Karkat was probably a lost cause, based on how crabby he was, and it wasn't like anyone else was willing to talk to him. Possibly Fef, but she was nice to everyone and he often wondered if she really counted as his friend.
Her words rung in his ears. You should try being nice! People always like it when people are nice!
He had brushed it off as Fef being Fef. After all, nicety didnt get him an escape from his mother's cutting words or his father's cutting hands or his brothers douchebaggery. Nicety wouldn't get him any less mocked in class. Nicety wouldn't help him at all, and he had never really learned how nicety worked in the first place.
But he supposed that wasn't really an excuse. Feferi had been raised by one of the harshest women Eridan had ever met, and she turned out as possibly the nicest person in the school. He supposed he was just repulsive. Repulsive and assholish.
He tried to tell himself, as firmly as he could, that wallowing in self-pity would get him nowhere, but wallow he did, pouting and kicking at the floor with a bare foot. Occasionally one just had to indulge in a little self-pity. That was just life.
He briefly wondered if he'd be able to sneak out to the beach later that evening. It always relaxed him to be at the beach. Something about the smell of salt, and the waves, and how it was often deserted so he could be alone and just relax.
Yes, that was it. He would sneak out once night fell and go for a swim. Something, anything, to take his mind off the impending Friday dinner and the inevitable awkward conversations. He hoped his fake boyfriend would be nice enough to not ask too many personal, invasive questions.
Who was he kidding? No one would want to ask questions about him. Unless they were about how much pocket money he got, in which case he would probably respond with a condescending answer before curling up in bed that night and wondering why he fucked up every interaction he had.
He quickly set about locating his swim stuff.
The sun couldn't set soon enough that evening. Once the sky had shown the faintest hint of orange Eridan was like a horse chomping at the bit, staring out his window, nose pressed against the glass, ready to shoot out the moment he heard his parents retire for the night. He wasn't bothered about his brother - the guy was a douchebag, not a snitch - or the various servants, he knew none of them would rat him out to his parents, they were all too scared of them themselves.
So the moment he heard heavy footsteps, accompanied by the click-clack of high heels, pass his door and move along a few before a door opened and closed while his parents settled, he was already out in the hallway, ready to escape to the nearby beach as soon as physically possible.
Choosing to forgo his car, Eridan set off in the direction of the beach, bag slung over his shoulder, already clad in his swim gear. He could forget about Friday for a moment and focus on what was really important - swimming.
The beach was deserted when he got there, which was just what he was hoping, and the sky was turning to the same deep purple as the bruise on his cheek. He chose to ignore this fact, setting down his things. He removed his glasses, causing everything to blur significantly, and he scowled at his poor eyesight before folding his glasses and placing them gently next to his bag, before jumping straight into the water.
And the water was fucking cold. It made him gasp and shudder, his body temperature immediately dropping as he trod water and kept a blurry but watchful eye on his bag. He had never been able to rid himself of the paranoia that came with leaving possessions unattended in a public place, no matter how empty the public place appeared to be.
Once he was adjusted to the water, which only took a few moments thanks to how often he had done this, he began swimming about, riding on the crests of waves and flipping about, revelling in the refreshing cold of the sea after the stressful day he had had. It had never felt nicer, laying in the ocean, and he looked up at the stars with a contented gaze, able to forget about his troubles for just a few minutes.
Eventually he had to crawl back onto the shore, shivering and dripping, the tank top and binder he had neglected to remove clinging to him, while his swim trunks just dripped water heavily. He trembled as he wrapped his towel around him, before plunking his sweet ass down on the sand and watching the waves crash against the shore, glasses once again firmly secured on his nose.
The beach always felt different to him - he would describe it as magical, if all sense of magic hadn't been quite literally beaten out of him. Something about it just felt perfect, like he was meant to be there, like it was his home in a past life or something. He had gazed out at that horizon more times than he'd care to admit, longing for something he couldn't reach and hoping for something he couldn't get.
He was so lost in thought he didnt notice his phone buzzing with messages until he zoned back in, picking it up with a flutter in his chest. Someone wanted to speak to him. Someone was actually messaging him first, without him having to go and practically beg for conversation. Being so starved of positive human interaction made him skittish and restless, and the mere idea of someone initiating the conversation made him want to go dive back into the ocean in joy.
Until it was Karkat that messaged him. Then he just kinda wanted to choke himself with his own scarf. God knew the tiny kid would probably threaten to do it anyway.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
CG: ALRIGHT, SUSHI DICK.
CG: I'VE FOUND SOMEONE WHO'LL BE YOUR DINNER WHORE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED HIM FOR.
CG: BUT HE WON'T DO IT FOR CHEAP SO YOU'D BETTER CRACK OPEN THAT WALLET, YOU RICH LITTLE SHIT.
CG: AND TRUST ME, HE'S THE MOST OBNOXIOUS, INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE YOU'LL EVER MEET.
CG: WELL EXCEPT FOR YOURSELF.
CA: holy shit
CA: that wwas quick
CG: I CAN JUST TELL HIM YOURE NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE, YOU KNOW.
CG: LOOK, HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE AND MONEY IS OFTEN AN ISSUE FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY SO HELP HIM OUT HERE, ALRIGHT?
CG: HE'S HELPING YOU OUT SO RETURN THE FAVOUR, DIPSHIT.
CA: wwhoa hey i aint complainin
CA: wwhats his handle
CG: TWINARMAGEDDONS.
CG: AND I SWEAR TO GOG IF I GET ONE WHIFF OF A RUMOUR THAT YOUVE HURT HIM IN ANY WAY I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOUR PRETENTIOUS HIPSTER SCARF SO FAR UP YOUR ASS IT'LL COME OUT YOUR MOUTH.
CA: im not gonna hurt him
CA: all he has to do is make some jokes about equality an eat kinda messy and my parents wwill hate him
CA: plus im payin him for it
CA: youre a lifesavver, kar
CG: IM NOT, HE IS
CG: JUST
CG: DONT MAKE ANYTHING WEIRD
CG: ALRIGHT
Ca: wwhat does makin things wweird entail
CG: I DONT KNOW, HIT ON HIM FOR REAL OR SOMETHING. JUST DONT FUCK ANYTHING UP
CG: YOU CAN MEET UP AND DISCUSS THIS INCREDIBLY DODGY DINNER DATE OR WHATEVER
CG: I'VE DONE MY JOB
CG: NIGHT, ASSHOLE
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
Well, despite Karkat being an ass about it, that was a weight off Eridans shoulders. Now he just had to message this guy, find out his terms and conditions or whatever, pay him his money, make it through Friday and hopefully never have to do this again.
He got to gathering his things quickly after a glance at the time. The hours had flown past while he was swimming, as they always did, and it was significantly later than it had been when he'd snuck out here, meaning he'd have a hell of a time getting back.
Adjusting his glasses, Eridan swung his bag onto his shoulder and set off for home, moving fast and nimbly, slipping back through the side entrance into the kitchen and removing his shoes immediately to pad about in bare feet. Cold feet from the icy marble was better than making noise with clicking shoes and waking somebody up.
He stopped by the fridge to pick something up when his stomach growled in complaint, but after a poke at his belly he decided against it, low self-esteem kicking in and refusing to allow him to eat. Instead, he dropped his shoes off where they came from and scampered up the stairs, careful on the creaking ones, and slipping back into his room with a relieved huff.
Checking the time again, he instinctively yawned, despite it being only just past midnight. He was still kinda wet and salty, though, and his hair would be hell if he didn't dry it off properly. He couldn't exactly have a shower, though, so he stood there for a moment with his hand half running through his soaked locks, pulling them away from his face as he frowned.
Eventually he decided on just towelling himself down loads, and retrieved the fluffy towels in his bathroom to perform the task. His hair was quickly fluffed up and dried off, and he allowed it to stick out everywhere. He would just gel it the next morning. His body was similarly dried off, before he pulled on his pajamas and returned the towels to their normal place, now damp.
Yawning, Eridan crawled into bed and placed his phone on charge, before removing his glasses, folding them and placing them on his bedside table. What was visible in his room got a lot blurrier, and before long he was drifting off into dreams full of fake boyfriends and skies as purple as bruises.