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I.
For most of high school, Nicole's felt like she was standing on cracked ice. One wrong move and every carefully cultivated social alliance would just give way and leave her to be dragged down into the icy oblivion of true loserdom. The last month or so feels like nothing but a series of boneheaded mistakes and wrong moves, but somehow Nicole thinks that maybe she's standing on solid ground for the first time in years.
A few weeks after Centennial she calls Dee and invites her over. "Not a party. Just you, me, a medium pizza, and a couple new releases."
It's awkward. Nicole's not even sure she's ever hung out with Dee one-on-one for more than a few minutes. She has to tell Dee where the bathroom is, where they keep the soda, that it's fine to eat chips on the couch as long as she has a napkin.
"If anybody had asked me before, I would have told them we were friends, but do we even really know each other at all?" She says, breaking a silence that's stretched well past awkward and fully into interminable since she hung up on the pizza place.
Dee presses her lips together and takes a long breath in before she finally says, "No. I don't think we do."
"Can we?" Nicole asks, "I mean, I know we graduate in a few months, but it's not too late, right?"
"Is this because of Chase and Dave?" Dee asks, biting at her thumbnail. She's curled into the corner of the couch, clutching a throw pillow against her chest like camouflage.
"I don't know," Nicole says, deciding honesty is the better option even if it means Dee just walks out right now. "I mean, it sort of has to be at least a little bit about them, or else we'd just be at Eddie's party tonight, right? So yeah, a little bit because of Dave and Chase. But I think... I think mostly it's because of everybody I've been pretending to be friends with, you might be the person I really could be. So?"
"Call the pizza place back and tell them to make it an extra large," Dee says, grinning broadly and stretching across the couch to nudge at Nicole's thigh with her bare feet. "I am starving."
***
"I just got tired of feeling so fucking mercenary about everything," Dee says, the force of her words stunning Nicole silent. She takes another bite of pizza and tosses the crust into the box. They haven't eaten the whole thing, but they've given it a good try. "Making all the right moves to impress people I thought were important just so i could, I don't know... win some imaginary prize. Not Miss Time Zone. I mean, that's complete bullshit, too. I'd rather have been valedictorian. But just... the status. Like TZH is going to define who I am for the rest of my life. Do you know, you're the first of the girls to even call me since Centennial?"
"Shit, Dee. Chloe?" Nicole hasn't heard word one from Alicia since then either, not even a well-timed barb in class or in the halls. But Nicole's definitely not naive enough to believe she's blameless in the disaster scene that has been that friendship. Dee, though? She might think she's been mercenary, and she might even be right, but Nicole knows she's not vindictive at least.
"Nope," Dee shakes her head. "Apparently she can't deal with the shocking mid-season reveal that my getting skinny didn't actually make me stop being a giant nerd."
"Fucking high school. Mercenary is the right word for it." Nicole says finally, stretching her legs out and arching her back against the arm of the chair until she gets the satisfying twinge and pop of her spine realigning. The living room is dim now, caught in the stretching shadows. The TV's on mute, nothing but snow on the screen and a mess of Blockbuster boxes on the floor in front of it. "Hey, did you like the band at Centennial?"
"Ummm," Dee licks grease off her fingers, and Nicole can see a faint blush rising up on her cheeks. "I didn't really pay attention. I kinda left early, to be honest. I liked the couple songs I was there for. I think? Why?"
"Oh God. Did you seriously? No, never tell me," Nicole laughs. "Anyway, my point was, they're playing downtown tonight, in like half an hour. I think Ray's filming for their next video. Do you want to go?"
"Absolutely!" Dee sits up and starts digging around the floor for her socks and shoes.
**
When Ray screens the video, there's a cut away to the crowd and it holds for nearly an entire chorus on Nicole and Dee dancing and singing along. They are sweaty, hair a mess, grinning wide and unselfconscious.
II.
They don't have sex the night of Centennial. (Chase and Nicole, that is. Dee and Dave? Totally did it, much to Dave's surprise. Dee tells Nicole all about it. To her credit, they're half way through a second bottle of her mom's wine before the details start slipping out. For most of March, Nicole can't look at Dave without blushing.) For one thing, once they are in the treehouse, it feels a lot more cramped than Nicole remembers it being.
"Might that have something to do with the fact that we're not eleven anymore?" Chase says when Nicole mentions it. He's slouching, wedged into the corner with his legs outstretched and toes nearly bumping the far wall.
"Don't ruin the moment here, Chase Hammond," Nicole mutters, hiking her dress up so she can settle on his thighs, her bare knees pressed against the rough wooden planks of the treehouse's floor.
"Oh, a moment. I didn't realize this was a moment," Chase says. He rests his hands on the small of Nicole's back, his fingers sliding up and down along either side of her spine. The shift of silky fabric against her skin makes her shiver, and when she tilts her head down, he's there waiting. The kiss is deep and slow, bleeding into each that comes after it, and soon Nicole is breathless.
"Oh god." She shudders some indeterminate number of minutes later, and breaks away from the kisses, tucking her face against Chase's neck.
"Nicole?" Chase's voice is soft with concerned. His hands are gentle on her neck, the bare skin between her shoulder blades where he's worked open the zipper of her dress.
"Our parents had sex tonight." Nicole mumbles into his shoulder, the laughs roughly. "Our parents have been having sex for months. With each other."
"Talk about ruining a moment," Chase groans, letting his head fall back against the wall with a thunk.
"This is weird. This is so, so weird." Nicole climbs off Chase's legs and collapses next to him.
"Basically." Chase says, turning to press his lips against her temple. His arm is warm and heavy across her shoulders.
"Too tall for me, my ass," Nicole says, losing the end of the sentence in a yawn. "I don't want to go back in yet, but can we just..."
"Whatever you want," Chase says.
**
Nicole wakes up alone on the floor of the treehouse, Chase's jacket spread over her, and a note in the pocket that says Going to face the music. Didn't want to wake you. Did you know you snore like a freight train? She slips the jacket on, laughing, rolls the sleeves up and heads back to the house.
Her mother is waiting for her in the kitchen, her robe tied tight, two cups of tea steaming on the table.
"Chase's father and I talked last night," she starts. "After-"
"Oh, you talked?" Nicole smirks. "Chase and I talked too."
"Nicole," her mother says, and there's definitely an edge of warning to it.
"So, what? You thought it would be better to make up B.S. reasons I shouldn't get involved with Chase rather than just admit you've been sleeping with his dad?"
"Dating," her mom says. "We've been dating for almost a year. And I didn't want to tell you because when it started you and Chase weren't even on speaking terms. We didn't want to upset you or bring your lingering adolescent melodrama into what was already very complicated for us."
"Well, we're on better terms now," Nicole mutters.
"Yes. Clearly." Her mother aims a significant gaze at Nicole's neck, and when Nicole touches there's a tender spot just under her ear. "That's why we've decided to put off moving in together. Until you two leave for college. And there are going to be rules"
"What kind of rules?" Nicole asks with visions of early curfews and punitive groundings.
"No ‘sleepovers.' Be honest. Be safe." Nicole's mother ticks off on her fingers. "I'm not going to try to tell you not to see Chase. I'm not even going to expect you not to sleep with him. But you tell me where you're going, when, and you better wake up in your own bed every morning. Alone."
"Even--" Nicole starts but her mother cuts her off with a look.
"Yes, even regardless of where I'm spending the night or with whom I'm waking up. You're a smart girl, Nicole. I trust you to make smart decisions."
**
"So, Prom?" Chase says, pressing closer against her back, kissing a line from the curve of her shoulder to the shell of her ear. They've got his house to themselves, their parents out dancing and drinking and doing other things that Nicole is trying very hard not to think about. They said they'll be home between midnight and one, which means Nicole and Chase have two more hours of guaranteed privacy.
"Prom?" Nicole echoes. She rolls over, tangling herself up more in the mess of sheets on his bed.
"Do you want to?" Chase asks, his hand is big and warm, smoothing from knee to the curve of her hip, back down again. She's already gotten used to this, being naked with him in his bed or hers, touching and letting him touch. Sometimes when they're like this, she thinks about telling him she loves him. She knows it's true, and she knows he loves her too, even if he hasn't said it either. But she can't quite make the words come out.
"Mmm, I guess we could make an appearance. Split the limo cost with Dave and Dee?" She threads her fingers through his hair, dragging him down into a kiss, smiling against his mouth when he groans and rolls on top of her, pressing her down, his arm stretching to grab a condom from the open drawer of his nightstand.
III.
"Do you worry that State's just going to be an extension of high school?" Dee asks. "I mean, so many of us are going there."
Nicole does.
It is... and it isn't.
**
Football and basketball games are still like being in a cult. There are parties every night, not just the weekends. And Nicole is sure she's never been as hungover in her life as she is after homecoming.
Her roommate habitually microwaves fish in the room, and Nicole seriously debates spending her entire loan refund on air fresheners. Instead she tries a bunch of clubs, settles on marketing as a major, hangs out with Dee, goes with Ray to scout bands he can pitch videos to, gets real familiar with Chase's room and bed.
Ray meets a girl in his visual arts seminar, Blanca. She's darkly funny, focusing on photography ("I'm really interested in nudes, male mostly," she tells Nicole the first time they hang out together. "Not erotic. I like finding people's vulnerabilities and pulling them up to the surface. And it's harder with dudes."), and she invites Nicole and Dee to play pool with her in the student center. What starts as a one off turns into a weekly meet up, Wednesdays after Dee's comparative politics lecture. Blanca and Nicole laugh when Dee joins the Billiards Club, until the first time she wipes the floor with three frat boys and ends the night a hundred dollars richer than she started it.
"Girl-date study-break. No boys allowed." Nicole drops a kiss on the top of Chase's head on her way out of his dorm room. He's frantically highlighting his copy of The Sound and The Fury. He responds with muttered curses that Nicole is pretty sure are directed toward Faulkner, not her. She pinches his ear until he looks away from the book. Tells him, "Go play your video games. You haven't talked to Ray and Dave in like three days. You know the withdrawal sets in at thirty-six hours."
**
Going home after freshman year is just as strange as Nicole was afraid it would be. They're going 'home' to a house they've never been in before, and she's already been warned that their things are all still boxed up from the move, stacked in 'their' rooms. Her mom and Jim have her bed set up, but the walls are all blank.
"I just had the most awkward talk with Dad about privacy, discretion, and respecting our new home," Chase groans, flopping on his stomach across Nicole's unmade bed.
"That's okay," Nicole says, "My mother just reminded me that, and I quote, ‘the no sleepover rule still applies, and I expect you to be sleeping in your own bed at night, Nicole Maris.' I miss college already. Oh hey, would you check your duffel for me? I can't find my favorite vibrator."
"The little purple one?" Chase smiles fondly. "Yeah, it's in with my stuff."
"Cool," Nicole kneels down on the floor and bites gently at the meat of Chase's neck, taking satisfaction in the low groan it draws from his throat.
**
For sophomore year, Dee and Nicole decide to get an apartment off campus. Chase and Dave are still technically on campus, but Nicole gets used to waking up in the morning, leaving Chase in her bed and finding Dee and Dave curled together on the couch, kissing sickeningly sweet.
"You know," She says one morning, dropping an Eggo into the toaster. "To look at you right now, nobody would ever believe the shit you two get up to in the middle of the night."
She's not sure which is better, Dee's open, joyful laughter or the nuclear red flush that rises up Dave's face.
"Oh, because you're one to talk," Dee giggles. "Thin walls go both ways, Maris."
"Hey, I am a modern, sexually confident woman, and my boyfriend is comfortable enough with his masculinity to be... adventurous," Nicole says, licking her lips.
"Stop traumatizing Dave," Chase calls from the bedroom. "You know he's a fragile soul."
"He didn't sound fragile when he was making the bed frame rattle last night!" Nicole yells back.
Dave is nearly curled fetal, covering his face. "I don't know why I like any of you people."
"Oh really?" Dee draws the word out, arching a brow.
"Ok, you I know why I like. These two assholes, though," Dave grumbles.
"Whatever. Come on, Ray said he needed us by ten-thirty if he's going to have filming done today," Nicole says, she walks back toward her room, sticking her head in reminding Chase, "That means you too, bed hog!"
IV.
"Your fiancee's an even bigger hustler than I remember," Nicole says, sliding into the open seat next to Dave. Her drink is still half full, but not for long. She picks up her pint glass and tips it against his before drawing a long swallow.
"How much did she take you for?" Dave asks, eyes a little unfocused as he looks across the bar. Nicole gives even odds on it being from the beer or the way Dee is bent over the table racking up for another game. She almost feels sorry for Dee's next mark, but if they guy's too busy trying to get a sight-line down Dee's shirt to notice her custom cue, Nicole's not going to save him from himself or from her wicked draw shot.
"Eh, it was kind of a sucker bet for her, really. I just have to go Christmas shopping with her tomorrow and pick up the tab on lunch. I was planning on it anyway." Nicole shrugs. College was four years of getting used to having Dee and Dave and Ray and Blanca around, all the rough edges of getting to know each other getting worn smooth into comfortable ease just in time for them to go in different directions. This year, Ray's busy on location in Italy and won't be making it at all, and Blanca's visiting her grandparents in New Mexico, so Nicole's even more glad to have Dee and Dave back. "I've missed you guys. How long you in town for?"
"A couple weeks," Dave says, "Dee's break goes until the eighteenth, but I've got to be back by the fifteenth ."
"And how is the Silicon Valley treating my favorite nerds?" Nicole asks.
"Good. Great." Dave takes a sip of his drink. "Dee loves Stanford. Her adviser is a hard-ass, but I'm pretty sure he's secretly terrified of her. My job... it's good. There's a lot going on, but I love it. I told you we moved into this huge office complex in Mountain View? They've started making it super cushy."
Across the room, Dee straightens up and looks toward their table, raising her hand in a wave and even in the dim light of the bar, the glint of her brand new engagement ring is obvious. Dave just grins bright and ducks his head, still almost shy at being the focus of her attention in public.
"You know, you could wave back. Hell, blow the lady a kiss." Nicole laughs and leans against him.
"I'm gonna marry her." Dave sighs.
"Yup," Nicole says. "Wedding video and photography going to be Ray and Blanca's gifts?"
"Ray for sure," Dave says, "Blanca says she's not sure if she'd be any good at sentimental, and Dee doesn't want to be psychologically undressed in our wedding album."
"Mmmm, point," Nicole nods.
****
"Good time at the bar?" Chase says sleepily when Nicole climbs into bed.
"Mmmm," She curls close to him in the bed, letting him kiss her lazily, knowing it's not going anywhere. "They're sorry you couldn't make it. I told them that's the problem with you being a teacher. Suddenly you're no fun on school nights. Don't worry, they still love you. Just like me"
"Dee's not too disappointed in me, is she?" Chase mumbles. Nicole knows there's something she doesn't know about Chase and Dee's relationship, something that's just between them. She asked Chase about it once, back in college when she'd come home from working the late library shift to find the two of them sacked out on the living room floor, screaming increasingly creative obscenities at each other in an epic slapjack battle. Chase had said that it wasn't really his story to tell, just that they understood each other.
"Mmmm, yes." Nicole says. "She's devastated that she's going to have to show the ring off again at dinner tomorrow."
"Do you want one?" Chase says, right when Nicole is on the edge of sleep.
"One what?" Nicole mumbles into her pillow. Chase takes her hand in his, pressing his thumb to her palm, just at the base of her finger.
"Ring," Chase says. "Like Dee's."
"Chase," Nicole says, sitting up and yanking the covers down, suddenly wide awake and sober. "Are you proposing to me?"
"No? I don't know. Maybe?" Chase says, struggling to sit up, wiping at the sleep in the corner of his eyes. "Would you say yes if I did?"
"I... Yes? I don't know. Maybe?" Nicole says. It's been 6 years, and even the thought of breaking up makes her gut twist. But marriage?
She's not the same person she was in senior year year, neither is Chase. But he's still the boy who sat down next to her at the Skate Palace and said "since we already hang out in a tree, we might as well be K-I-S-S-I-N-G," before he pressed dry chapped lips against hers for four-and-a-half mississippis. And she's still the girl who used to throw paper airplanes covered in her secrets through his open window in the hot summers. There's a piece of the treehouse hanging on the wall in their kitchen, pictures from their parents' weddings (first ones, and to each other) on top of the entertainment center. She knows there is nothing that would ever untangle them from each other now. Still. The weight of marriage still makes Nicole hesitate.
"Ok, well. You let me know when you're sure. Maybe I'll propose then. Or maybe you could do the heavy lifting. I mean, I'm not sure what ring size i wear--" Chase cuts off when Nicole belts him in the face with her pillow.
"Ugh. Go to bed, Chase. You're the one who says seventh graders have no mercy for the weak and tired."
V.
It's a sunny Saturday afternoon and Chase is just finishing putting the last coat of polish on Nicole's pinky toe. His own toes are sparkling with bright green that Nicole had finally decided was terrible with her skin tone but great with his.
"I'm sure, now." Nicole says, and she can see that it takes a moment for the words to sink in, for Chase to understand.
"I'll keep that in mind," Chase says, when he manages to unfreeze, do more than blink. "Thanks for the update.
"Hey, just keeping you informed like you asked." Nicole knows he's probably wondering why today, but if he asked, there's nothing she could tell him. Nothing has changed, no sudden bolt from the blue that's told her ‘He's really the one; marry him. He'll stay forever. You can trust him.' it's just another Saturday.
Maybe it's that the Rockies are visiting the Yankees for an interleague series and Chase spent the morning ranting about the impurity of the designated hitter for at least the seven hundredth time. Maybe it's that she got another promotion and three new clients and Chase didn't even blink at the fact that she makes almost twice what he does now. Maybe it's that two weeks ago, Dee called and told them it was going to be a race to see what she managed to finish putting together first, her dissertation or the baby. Maybe it's just the fact that she saw a wedding dress in a window that she thought she'd look good in.
Whatever the reason, she woke up this morning and just knew, finally. She wants to be married and she wants to be married to Chase.
**
"Chase? Is this what I think it is," Nicole asks, staring at the open box on her pillow. It definitely wasn't there when she went in to brush her teeth.
"Well, it's not the new motor for the washer," Chase won't quite meet her eyes.
"Oh god." She can't breathe quite right. It's a ring. She was expecting a ring, but not this one. She knows this ring. She saw it almost every day for eleven and a half years.
"Dad gave it to me two years ago. He said..." Chase pauses, changes tack, "She'd wanted me to have it, and God, Nic, you know she adored you. I think she always kind of knew...not knew, but she definitely hoped that we'd end up like--" He waves vaguely, and Nicole knows exactly what he means.
"I need to call Dee," Nicole says, holding her hand out so Chase can slide the ring on.
"I haven't had it sized," he warns her, prying it carefully from the box.
Nicole can't tell whose hands are shaking worse.
It fits.