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Steve’s knuckles were white, holding the steering wheel to keep the plane flying. The aircraft was ducking dangerously and he knew there was no chance in hell he would be able to divert its trajectory from New York City.
By his side Peggy was actively trying to set the comms back up and running to contact their base. The icy wind pouring through the windshield was making her teeth shatter and Steve’s ears were ringing with the loud sound it was making.
“We’re not going to make it.” He stated, keeping his eyes on the distraught commands.
Peggy stayed silent, concentrating and keeping her attention on the task at hand until she finally succeeded.
“It’s back!” She screamed over the sound of the wind.
“Come in, this is Agent Carter. Do you read me?”
On the other side of the radio signal, the voice of Colonel Philips sounded muffled by the atmospheric interference.
“Carter? Carter, is that you? Are you alright?”
“Peachy.” She answered dryly, looking back at the plane’s cargo bay. “Schmidt's dead.”
“What about the plane?”
Peggy glanced at Steve and he made a face that didn’t need more explanation.
“That's a little bit tougher to explain.” She commented.
“Give me your coordinates I'll find you a safe landing site.” Philips asked.
“Working on it.” Peggy reached to set her hand firmly on Steve’s shoulder to get his attention. “We should try to get Howard, he’ll know what to do.” She told him.
“There’s no time Peg. There's not going to be a safe landing. I'm going to try and force it down.” He turned his head but quickly avoided her eyes, forcing himself to concentrate on the steering wheel. “Grab a parachute. You can still jump at that altitude. Philips can send a rescue your way.”
“No! Steve—”
“This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York.” He interrupted her. “I gotta put her in the water. Save yourself Peggy.”
“Steven Rogers you’re not doing this to me.” Her grip on his shoulder tightened. “That’s not the solution. I won’t survive more than three minutes in this water. There’s no way in hell I’ll make it.”
They watched each other silently for a short moment. A look of understanding pass through his eyes when Steve realized what she meant.
“Peggy, no.” He firmly answered. “You’re not doing this.”
“Give me your spot Steve.” She said calmly with a look of determination he was too used to see on her features.
On the comms Philips was becoming agitated at their radio silent. Peggy put it back to her mouth.
“Colonel. We’re in the middle of nowhere. If we wait any longer a lot of people are going to die.”
“Carter.” Philips yelped, clearly more worried than annoyed. “Peggy, we can work it out.”
“There’s no time.” She concluded and covered Steve’s hand with her own on the commands.
The soldier wasn’t looking at her anymore, his eyes were shining with unshredded tears and he looked straight ahead to the immensity of the ocean in front of them, waiting to swallow them whole.
“I’m not letting you do this Peggy.”
“Don’t be an idiot!” She screamed above the sound of the wreckage. “You can jump, even without a parachute, you can still make it! The fall won’t kill you, the cold probably won’t either.”
Steve shook his head, grasping the commands, determined to stay there.
She was boiling with rage. He was not thinking. This was the most idiotic decision he’s ever made and she hated him right now. She couldn’t watch him die by her side when he still had a chance.
“Steve.” She pleaded. “It’s my choice.”
“It’s mine too.” He said so quietly that she barely heard him above the noise.
He planted his eyes on hers. Peggy knew he was making the biggest mistake of his entire life but what she saw in them was beyond anything she had ever seen the soldier express.
“Why? Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” She begged him.
“I can’t leave you alone on this plane to die. I can’t. I won’t.”
She wanted to yell at him, to punch him, knock him down and throw him out of the plane. But even if she could, there was no time. The alarms on the control panel started blaring loudly, warning them the impact was coming up full speed.
Peggy took the radio and delivered a last message to Philips.
“Colonel. We’re forcing the plane in the water.”
“You’re— Dammit Carter.” The crack in his voice betrayed his commanding tone.
The three of them were silent for a moment, filling the cabin with only the sound of wind and cracking of the plane's parts getting loose around them, when Philips’ voice weakly arose again. “Well I expect a report on my desk by next week, friday.”
Peggy’s lips lifted in a weakly smile as she felt tears running into the roots of her hair, carried by the wind’s force.
“Yes, sir.”
“Both your reports. You hear me Rogers? You better not forget.”
Steve ducked his head and closed his eyes for a second.
“We won’t Colonel. Thank you. Thank you for everything.” Peggy finished and turned off the radio.
She looked at the device in her hand and let more tears escaped her eyes. There was no reason to hold them back anymore. She had never allowed herself to cry in front of anyone ever since her brother passed. But she was going to die. Any minute now. This is how her life was ending. Saving New York. Saving the world. It wasn’t a bad death, it actually was an honorable one.
Somehow it still felt unfair.
“Peggy?” She heard Steve said.
When she looked at him she found a set of blue shinning eyes, like beacons, connecting with hers, searching deep inside her. His jaw tightened when he noticed she was crying.
“I’m sorry.” He said weakly.
“Don’t be my darling. Oh don’t be.”
She dropped the communication device and put both her hands on his right one, still holding the steering wheel. She moved her body as close to him as possible, crouching on her floor. She set her forehead on his shoulder and closed her eyes forcefully.
“I'm going to need a rain check on that dance.” He said close to her ear.
Even with the wind and the speeding motion of the aircraft going down, she felt his breath on her skin and she gasped to the sensation.
All those lost moments, all those touches they held in, why did they waste their time together? The reason why they never acted upon their feelings for each other seemed ridiculous now. She would forever regret not saying anything or doing anything until it became too late.
Peggy lifted her head. The water was here, she could see it. It was almost on them, solid and menacing like an iron wall. She wondered if she would feel it. If she would know she was dying.
Steve let go of the wheel, making Peggy remove her hands from his. He pivoted the seat and reached for her. He encircled Peggy with his arms, gathering her in his lap. She immediately buried her head in the crock of his neck, holding him so tight she was sure he could feel her whole body tremble.
The thing is, he was shaking too. And if he was perfectly honest with himself, after the life he had, ending it here with Peggy Carter in his arms wasn’t the worst he had imagined happening to him. At least he wasn’t on an hospice hard-as-wood bed, sweating and choking from the blood he was coughing out of his sick lungs, like it would have most likely happened if he hadn’t taken the serum.
“A week next Saturday at the Stork Club.” She suddenly said over the blaring alarms and the sound of the windshield cracking.
He blinked at her a couple of times, not seeming to register her words.
“Our dance. Eight O’clock on the dot. And don’t you dare be late. Understood?” She gave him a watery smile.
“You got it.”
He squeezed her closer to him.
“You know I still don't know how to dance.”
“I'll show you how. Just be there.”
The whole plane shook around them and they held their gaze together, not wanting to look at the icy ocean awaiting them. Not wanting to miss a second of each other so they’d be the last memory they would ever remember and bring with them, wherever they were going.
“I'd hate to step on your…”
Everything went black.
…
Steve looked around him as the cars came to a stop around him. A tall dark-skinned man with an eye patch stepped out of a vehicle and walked towards him. He was the man in charge, Steve didn't understand a lot of what was happening right now but he was sure about this.
“At ease, soldier.” The man held his hands up in surrender. “Look I'm sorry about that little show back there but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.”
“Break what?” Steve’s voice was still hoarse and his throat hurting from the coma.
“You've been asleep, Cap. For almost seventy years.”
Steve blinked and looked around him at the lights, the noise, the agitation. This was Time Square, he knew it but it was like nothing he’d ever seen before.
“You gonna be okay?”
“Peggy.” Steve murmured suddenly realizing they must have found her too. “Where is she?”
“Peggy Carter?” The man asked.
“Where is she?” Steve couldn’t retain the menace in his voice.
He tightened his fists at his side, taking a few steps towards the man. The agents around him immediately lifted their weapons to him in response.
“Woah! Captain, easy.” The man stepped back holding up his hands to stop the agents around him. They all lowered their weapons.
“Let’s not cause a scene in the middle of Time Square. Lots of civilians here.”
“Did you find her?” Steve kept asking, determined.
“Yeah. We found her.”
At his words, Steve felt the air in his lungs escape and leave him empty.
“She’s alive.”
“What?” He almost choked on the word.
…
The sun was setting on the new skyline. Steve knew it wasn’t exactly new but for him it definitely was a cityscape he needed to get used to. They provided him with an apartment in Brooklyn. Apparently being in a familiar environment would be good for his recovery. The word sounded so weak when the psychiatrist pronounced it. After a couple of days he was feeling physically fine. Like his body had never been through any kind of trauma (thank you Dr Erskine).
His mind though. His mind was still playing tricks on him. Going places he didn’t want to wander. But he never told the doctors. They never really pushed further. It felt like they only tried to ease him into this new century with a couple of counseling sessions just as a formality. When he assured them he was feeling ok and would adjust just fine, they barely insisted he consulted more doctors.
In the two weeks he had been here, in this new world, he didn’t even try to spend one night in his new apartment. It was so empty. He had nothing. No pictures, no books that belonged to him. No clothes, other than the ones that were provided to him. The furniture was cheap and lacked the solidity he used to know. The neighbourhood wasn’t as bad. It had changed, yes, but it was mostly the stores and the people. The streets, the buildings and the layout of his apartment were still familiar. Some days while turning around the corner of his block when he was alone, he could almost feel like he never left (almost).
He just swung by his place that day to get clean clothes. He spent most of his time in the SHIELD medical facility where Peggy was.
She was in a coma, ever since they brought them out of the ice. Her vitals were weak but she was alive. She was still there.
They didn’t know if her brain suffered irreversible damage, if she would wake up and be whole. The doctors were very blunt on the matter, not wanting Steve to be too hopeful.
She might wake up one day but she might not know how to talk, to walk, to eat, not even remember or recognize anything. He snorted bitterly at this statement. The medical staff and Fury looked at him curiously but Steve didn’t elaborate.
How could she recognize anything when he was so completely lost and felt so alone in this now foreign city? Sometimes at night when he looked at the green beeping lines of her vitals monitor, his eyes almost dazed because of the sleepless nights he has ever since he woke up, he wondered if it wouldn’t be better for Peggy to stay asleep. It was a bleak thought but when he was feeling so desperately alone and useless, he really believed it.
She also could never wake up. The doctors made it clear.
He might have lost her forever.
But somewhere, in his heart, he knew. He knew this wasn’t over. If he was given a second chance, she had to as well. She deserved it far more than him.
Steve was returning from Brooklyn to the facility in Manhattan. He walked on the Brooklyn bridge, taking his time today. He realized he has never been able to walk the whole length of the bridge when he was younger. He was too sick to walk such distances.
He would spend the night next to Peggy again. They granted him access to the medical bay in the secret underground compound. Fury caved pretty quickly when he realized that Steve would eventually punch his way through the walls and security staff if they didn’t let him be by Peggy’s side.
He slept on the floor for a couple of nights until they brought him a recliner. It still wasn’t a proper bed and the room was so small. For some reason he believe they thought he would eventually tire and give up (the fools).
After a few days he noticed an old gym sign a couple of blocks from the facility. He entered and finally something felt familiar, even if it was a faint feeling it was still something.
The light was dim, the smell definitely recognizable, old photographs of boxers he could almost remember were covering the walls. There was a small ring at the center, some benches, workout materials, sand bags hanging from hooks on the ceiling. It did kind of look like Goldie's Boxing Gym where he would follow Bucky on Sundays to watch his friend train. Always daydreaming he could join him on the ring one day. Now Steve tried not to think about the fact that Bucky and him will never have that chance.
He made a deal with the owner, paid him in advance with the cash some agent of SHIELD showed him how to withdraw from an ATM with that tiny plastic card everyone seemed to worship nowadays. Fury explained they reevaluated the war pension he was supposed to receive, taking into account almost 70 years of inflation.
Honestly the amount was laughable compared to salary standards these days. But Steve didn't need much. They already provided him with free housing, which he didn't use anyway, the utilities bills were almost non existent. He spent most of the day in the medical bay, save for a few walks out to grab lunch, occasionally dinner or a coffee at that place with outdoor seating and a view to the ugly new Stark tower erected in midtown. He didn't seem to be the only New Yorker to think that (which was comforting). The nurses took pity on him he believed. They brought extra food trays in Peggy’s room some nights. He bought a few more clothing items that better fitted his tastes and some art supplies. He almost had no other expenses so he didn't negotiate for a higher pension. He didn't have the courage to fight for it anyway.
Steve was able to use the gym after hours. Alone. Which was a relief. The place was located in the basement level of the building in a relatively isolated block, allowing quiet from the streets which seemed to be a rarity these days.
He punched bags, mostly. Destroying two or three of them each time. He had to adjust his payments to the owner to account for their replacement.
Usually when the sun had set for at least a couple of hours he would take a quick shower at the gym and head back to Peggy’s side.
Entering the tall glass building, passing in front of the night guards without glancing a look at them, sliding his access card in the metallic tourniquet, all of this was now his evening routine. He didn't speak to anyone. He didn't have the heart to.
Steve usually politely nodded at the medical staff on his way to Peggy’s room. Luckily it seemed that SHIELD employees, no matter their rank or jobs were very discreet or most likely received instructions not to bother him.
A couple of nurses were more forward towards him. A little too giddy when they spoke to him. He noticed. It didn't bother him too much. After two decades of being ignored by women, being noticed was actually flattering if not a little embarrassing, even if he knew his impressive physique was the only reason of their attention, which wasn't something he was after.
He also heard one of them say after he passed them down the hall something along the lines of “how romantic that he comes here every day to be by her side,” the other nurse sighed and said “there are almost zero chances she'll wake up you know, it's so sad.”
Sad. It wasn't sad. It was far worst. Steve couldn't even put words to what he felt when he thought about never being able to speak to Peggy ever again. Having her strong presence by him, hearing her voice, watching her smile. Her eyes. Those eyes that could devour him and swallow him whole. He craved for this. Just a minute more. Just a second.
He walked in the room and closed the door behind. He gently put his hand on top of hers and whispered “Hello Peggy.”
She was thin. So thin. The colors in her cheeks pretty much gone and so many tubes and wires were connected to her body, looking at her was almost unbearable the first few days. She didn’t look like she was gone. But she definitely wasn’t there.
He sat in the recliner and opened a book he recently purchase for a dollar (sheer robbery, used books cost a dime back in the days). It was about recent American history. The copy was kind of outdated but Steve had so much to catch on he figured it was a good start. After all he had to learn as much as possible while Peggy was still asleep, so he could bring her up to speed when she would wake up. She'd want to learn about this new world.
Yeah, apparently today was a good day. He wanted her back and had hope.
…
A few days later Fury went to find him in the gym. Steve wasn’t completely sure but he imagined SHIELD must keep tabs on his whereabouts. Since he never disclosed his visits to this specific place, he now knew for certain that they did.
Steve just had one last night next to Peggy before heading out on his first mission since being awakened. He talked to her out loud that night, for hours. Something he had not really done before. He needed her now more than ever. He wanted her to tell him what to do.
The internal turmoil in his brain was tiring. He couldn’t stay sitting on his ass and wait for everything to turn out ok. The file Fury gave him was already giving him nightmares, even if he didn’t sleep that night. Why on Earth would they dig out the Tesseract, when they must very well know the sacrifices Peggy and him had to go through to make it disappear? Now it was out and causing a shit load of problems again. It was a menace. No matter how much Steve wanted to put his head in the sand and forget about the whole thing just to be by Peggy’s side (she could wake up while he was out there dammit), he was pretty certain she would smack the back of his head and tell him to go help save the world. Again.
He just needed to hear it from her.
It never happened. He spent six good hours looking at her face, holding her hand. Until he almost fell asleep, his forehead resting on her arm, only to be awaken ten minutes later by a violent memory of themselves crashing in the ice. She was still unconscious.
The days that followed were a shitstorm. Gods. Super spies. People with flying suit of armor and tempers that turned them into green giants. Aliens. Goddamn aliens.
The fight was over. Tony had almost been disintegrated in outer space. The city was a warzone. Thousands of people were probably dead. Somehow, and that was still something Steve wasn’t sure how it happened exactly, they all were eating at Shawarma Palace while the owner was sweeping the remains of his store.
Steve jumped a little when the intercom buzzed in his helmet, resting on his knees. He put the little communications device back in his ear.
“What?” He growled.
The rest of the group barely looked at him. They were all far too exhausted to even care.
“Cap,” Fury said in the earbud, “she’s awake.”
…
Everything was far too bright. And her throat was hurting so much she couldn’t speak. But what was far worst was how the rest of her body felt. Weak, so damn weak she could barely move her fingers. When the nurses and doctors (so many of them) rushed to her she fought so hard to move, it hurt. It hurt everywhere. She dosed back to unconsciousness for god knows how long before waking again. People were still all around her. The lights, the bloody lights (turn it off).
She was so cold. Like her body was laying in ice.
Her throat felt better somehow the second time she woke up. She realized they took out the tube that was in. It still hurt like hell and she still couldn’t form words. Only useless guttural sounds. The nurses pressed her not to talk. Not to move. Only to nod.
They asked her questions. Where did it hurt. Head, chest, they named some other parts of her body and asked her to nod to answer. She just wanted to shout “Everywhere you twats!”. They asked if she remembered who she was. She nodded. Of course she did.
That’s when she managed to say something.
“W-what?”
The full sentence she intended to say was “what on Earth happened to me?”. Obviously she failed miserably.
Somehow one nurse understood and just answered saying she was in an accident and had been in a coma for a very long time.
That’s when everything went back to her. Schmidt. The plane. The crash. Steve.
Something happened when the memory hit her. She felt her heartbeat speed up. The air in her lung felt short. She tried to move. She heard shouting around her. Movements. People running towards her. Hands on her shoulders. Someone approached her fluids bag with a seringue and everything went black.
…
Hours later, Peggy woke up again. The light was still bothering but it looked like the night had set outside and all the lamps in the room were turned off save one of them next to her bed. It was better, far better.
She tried to clear her throat and immediately saw someone rush to her side. Her eyes wouldn’t focus clearly, she couldn’t see their face. But his voice.
“Peggy? Peg? Can you hear me?” He said barely above a whisper.
Steve.
Steve was alive. He was here. She still couldn’t see him really and she wanted to say his name, so badly. She wanted to touch him. She just couldn’t.
“Don’t try to move. Peggy, don’t talk. It’s alright. I’m here.”
His hand on her cheek. Warm. Soft. She leaned onto it as much as she could.
“I’m here. We’ll be fine.” His voice broke at the end.
She pressed farther into his warmth and fell asleep again.
…
Two weeks later, they let her out of her room. Steve took her to the lobby. He walked by her side slowly, one hand never leaving the small of her back and the other holding her elbow. They reached the glassed windows and she froze.
She needed to see that this new century was real. She had to see it with her own eyes, now that she had regain her sight, almost. The doctors told her she might need glasses now, which was appalling. She had perfect sight ever since she was a child.
It was too much. Walking that long, crossing so many strangers in the corridors, the noise of the traffic outside, the bright daylight.
“I can’t.” She breathed out almost collapsing in Steve’s arms.
“I got you.” He strongly embraced her. “It’s ok. Let’s go back to your room.”
…
She hated her hospital room. She hated the smell. She hated how cold she always felt. She hated that Steve spent his nights on the stupid recliner that was too small for his body. She knew he wasn’t sleeping when she spent almost ten hours a day dozing on and off like she hadn’t slept for 60 years.
It took another week for her to be able to walk on her own, without help. Three more to start running at a normal pace on the treadmill. The medical staff was amazed by her progress. She was just frustrated by how slow it seemed to take her when Steve seemed perfectly fine.
Whatever HYDRA experimented on her when she was captured in Austria was the reason she was still alive and recovering at an inhuman speed. They tested her, they tested Steve. Some similarities were found in their DNA but not enough to make a clear conclusion that she might have been injected with the same serum. It could have been some kind of serum created by Zola and aiming to mimic Erskine’s formula.
Peggy pushed herself too much. Steve had a constant frown on his forehead while she was doing her physical therapy. He didn't approve. She couldn't give a damn. She wanted to pass their annoying physical tests and get out of here.
Steve told her about his apartment. He told her about the Avengers. One day a beautiful redhead stopped by. She didn't say anything to Peggy, just eyed her with cold and calculating eyes. At that point Peggy felt like everyone was the enemy but Steve. Although Steve spent a good amount of time speaking with the redhead in the hallway after that.
She needed to get out to see and assess this new world with her own eyes. They brought a television in her room at her request. She watched the news mostly and documentaries on the war. Steve gave her insights on politics and the social climate of the decades they missed.
He told her the redhead was called Natasha Romanoff, she was a spy and an Avenger. He trusted her. He made connections with these people. No one else came to see her, or him. At least not in the medical facility. Steve spent the waste majority of his time here. The rest of the time she knew he was at SHIELD, meeting with Director Fury and the others. He kept her updated on every mission or intel. Somehow she figured he wanted her to join them.
She wasn't sure she wanted to.
…
Steve vehemently protested when they offered Peggy a place to stay in the city. The doctors wanted her close to the secret compound, in case of a medical emergency. She was the one who convinced them to release her. She couldn't stand staying in that depressing room.
She then asked to move in with Steve in Brooklyn. The simple idea of not having him with her was unbearable. She knew how it must have looked and she didn't care. No, they were not involved. Yes, they had feelings for each other, it was crystal clear to both of them even if they haven't spoken about it. They just needed each other, it was simple as that.
When the doctors said it was too far from the facility, Steve just told them to find a place for both of them in Manhattan then.
To her surprise they agreed and only three days later, Steve took her out of the building for the first time. The smell was terrible, that's what first hit her. It was summer, the heat was boiling, which she clearly remembered was pretty usual for New York City that time of the year. But the smell was far more awful than she recalled. It smelled like trash. Trash and oil and heat.
They moved in their new apartment. Steve had already moved in the few stuff he owned and some clothes and necessities were delivered by SHIELD to help Peggy start up.
The flat was quite larger than she anticipated. A big living room with an open kitchen, two bedrooms with their own bathrooms. Only three blocks away from SHIELD’s secret facility. She learned quickly the current real estate value in the area and was sure this place must be expensive. Far too much for their current pensions (she negotiated hers and Steve’s and almost doubled them by the way).
The first night Steve set up some blankets on the floor of what she claimed to be her bedroom.
“What are you doing?” She asked, both hands on her hips, looking down at him.
“I- I didn't think you'd want to sleep alone. Habits I guess.” He looked like a lost puppy. “I'm sorry. I'll take that back to my room.” And started to gather the blanket and pillow.
“Don't be daft.” She waved at him. “There's enough room in this bed for both of us.”
He looked puzzled, still holding the bedding in his arms, mouth opened without a sound going out.
“You're right, I don't want to be alone. You're sleeping with me.” Peggy concluded as matter of fact.
She immediately walked into the bathroom, not even glancing at him. She was not going to waste any time explaining herself. She didn't care what would happen tonight, there was no machiavellian plan to put him in her bed in her request. She just wanted him close.
When she walked out in a fresh pair of shorts and tank top (that was a lot of skin but damn it was comfortable) Steve was already in her bed, an arm resting under his head over the pillow, the covers pulled up to his chest. The blanket and pillow were gathered in a neglected pile on the floor.
She lay down next to him and went straight to press her side close to his, her head resting on his chest. He released a long sight and his free hand softly started to caress her hair.
He was so warm, when she felt so cold all the time ever since she woke up. She shivered.
“You alright?” He asked.
She hummed, content, already feeling her body temperature raising.
“I am, now.”
She started to feel sleep creep up on her when she sensed him turn his head and breath in the hair at the top of her head.
“I love you Peggy.” He whispered.
Her whole body went slack and a strange feeling she hadn't experienced in what felt years submerged her.
Happiness.
She was just happy being in his arms, taking in his soothing words, ones that she had hoped to hear one day for such a long time, even when she couldn't admit it to herself.
She sighed and smiled. She lifted her head to look at him.
“I love you too.”
The blue of his eyes lightened up with the smile that was forming on his lips. It was the very first time Peggy saw a genuine smile on his features in this new century.
“I've loved you for so long.” She added.
“Yeah.” The smile turned into a smirk. “Over 70 years.”
She laughed. “Something like that.”
She felt the hand that he was resting on her hair slowly making its way to her temple, then her cheek, her jaw. Like he was exploring her face for the first time. He passed his thumb on her bottom lip and she pressed a soft kiss on it, closing her eyes to enjoy his touch.
He let a soft moan out and when she opened her eyes, she leaned in to brush his lips with hers. Lightly, taking her time, until she gave in and kissed him fully.
She would never be cold again.