Chapter Text
"What if she won't like me?" Clarke whispered. She was laying completely naked in the bed in Lexa's huge mansion. Brunette was inhaling Clarke's sweet smell while kissing her lover's shoulder. Her arms wrapped around the blonde, however her body tensed a little bit.
"That's not possible Clarke." She assured, but the truth is she doesn't know herself. As much as she wants her daughter to love Clarke, she can't be sure.
"You don't know that. You told me she's a freaking prodigy child. I'll probably make a fool out of myself." Lexa smirked slightly. She knows Costia can give people a hard time, proving how smart she is and the probability of her making Clarke feel stupid is pretty big, but she believes the blonde can handle it. She handled her parents, hell she even handled Anya.
"I'll tell her to behave." she assured, but there's the thing. Costia is one of her kind. She can't be told like a dog. Unfortunately she figured out some time ago that no one can stop her from saying what she wants and from the experience Lexa knows that her daughter might not always say the appropriate things.
"Like any sixteen year old girl ever listened to her parents." Clarke grumbled. Her palms started getting sweaty. She's been with Lexa for almost a year now, but she has never in her life even seen Costia. She knew how important she is to Lexa and she knew she can't screw this up if she wants her relationship with gorgeous brunette to continue. She was deep in her thoughts and Lexa felt it. She didn't even notice when the women behind her sat up straight and put a hand on her red cheeks.
"Clarke. She is the most important person in my life. You meeting her is a huge step for all three of us and she knows it. She knows you're important to me too. You're perfect okay? She'll love you. Just as much as I love you." Clarke sighed, a little bit more satisfied with the answer. Lexa pressed her front to blonde's bare back again, and comfortable silence settled, before Clarke broke it again.
"You said 'she knows it'. Does that mean she already knows about our meeting?"
"She was the one who suggested to finally meet you." Lexa smiled at Clarke's nervousness. She'd never thought it's gonna affect her blonde as much.
"What? You didn't tell me that. What did she say? How did she know about me?" Clarke suddenly turned around. Somehow, Costia was making her nervous in the way she didn't feel since high school. The thought of her meeting Costia scared her and in the same time excited. 'How does she look like? Does she have Lexa's eyes? Is she as smarty pants as Lexa described her? What's her favorite movie? Would she rather like me to wear dress or shorts?' All those questions were swinging through Clarke's head. She didn't know the answers. She wanted to get them though.
"Babe, she's sixteen, not five." Lexa smirked and blonde kissed it away. Such a smarty pants.
"I see you point. What did she say though?"
"She asked when am I finally going to introduce the person I'm screwing every weekend she's gone with her mother." Lexa grinned at the memory of their conversation.
--
After they came back from the cinema, Costia was in oddly good mood. She would goof around and laugh and even cuddle to Lexa. They were in the park when Costia asked the question and Lexa was sure her face was as red as her daughter's the day she was born. She wanted to tell her to watch her language, but she couldn't bring herself to. It took her by surprise. Clarke and her would hang out once Lexa was sure Costia was either at school or at her mother's house. They'd only have sex late in Lexa's mansion or Clarke's apartment with closed doors and windows so that no one can see them. There've been some incidents where they'd make love in Lexa's office or Clarke's gallery because none of them could take the heat anymore but it only happened like once or twice.
"How did you know?" She stopped walking and looked worried into Costia's eyes.
"Oh come on mom! You're my mom! You're talking in hushed voice on your phone for hours every time you think I can't hear you, you're laughing more than I've seen you to, even when you were with Echo." Lexa grinned, remembering that she actually was, once dating this awful person.
"...You're glowing and you're trying to get rid of me all the time so..." Costia raised her eyebrow, although she wasn't looking at Lexa. She was staring at the kids running around in the Central Park. Her head was slightly laying on Lexa's shoulder, her hands around her mother's waist, while the older brunette had hers wrapped around Costia's shoulders. Lexa really enjoyed moments like that. She and her only daughter, walking around, being completely honest and open with each other. And even though Costia would never admit it out loud, she enjoyed it too. She was studying a lot or going out somewhere with her friends, while Lexa was constantly working on the new case, so they didn't really have a lot of time together for the past month. It made both of them feel sad and slightly disappointed. Lexa looked at the top of Costia's head.
"I was never trying to get rid of you. Please don't think that." Sixteen year old only laughed quietly at her mother's seriousness.
"You've sent me to mom's like ten times already this month, not including the weekends that I'm forced to go to her and it's only 16th of May. A year ago you wouldn't even let me go for two days." Lexa felt her throat squeezing from the inside. She really did spent more time with Clarke this month than she did with Costia and it scared her. She loves Clarke. She loves her blue eyes. She loves her berry smell. She loves the way her hips swing. She loves staring at her while she paints. She loves how kind and gentle she is, but Costia is her daughter and there's nobody she loves as much as she does Costia (at least not yet).
"You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't know you saw it like that. I didn't mean to. I understand if you're mad. I'm sorry I neglected you. I promise I'll spend more time with you and you only okay? I won't-" and she couldn't finish because Costia squeezed her waist tighter and buried her face in Lexa's shoulder.
"It's okay mom. You didn't neglect me. I'm fine. Really. Besides it wasn't really that bad at mom's since her 'boyfriend' went on the business trip or something like that. It was just me and her. So I can suffer through it." They sighed. Costia didn't like her mom's boyfriend. At all. He's being a dick all the time, thinks he can boss her around and because of that they argue a lot, which doesn't encourage Costia on visiting her mom. Lexa on the other side doesn't like to listen about her ex's partners. She doesn't like to listen about how Luna's perfect life without her looks like. She doesn't like to listen how her ex's boyfriend treats her favorite girl, knowing that she can do nothing about it, but she loves to know how's Costia doing and she loves to listen to her daughter when she's so open and honest.
"Anyway don't change the topic. What's her name?" She asked without any excitement. Inside she wanted to know everything. She wanted to talk to her mom, but just like Lexa, Costia had built walls around her and doesn't like it when people know what she's feeling. Even if it's her own mother. She'd rather let everyone think she's an emotionless robot.
"Clarke." Lexa answered shyly.
"That's a pretty dope name." She answered after few minutes of contemplating. Lexa smiled. 'Yes it is' she thought to herself.
"Are you-..." Costia swallowed hardly. It wasn't easy. It's just been Lexa and her for a long time now, and she was totally okay with that. She loved having her mom with her all the time, but she guessed Lexa just needed someone else too. Costia just prayed that Clarke wouldn't be like Emerson, her other mom's boyfriend or Echo, Lexa's last girlfriend. Because of those two she's been skeptical when it came to her moms' relationships, but she knew there's nothing she can do about it.
"Are you going to meet us?" Costia's green eyes were looking everywhere but not at her mother and Lexa felt the tension in her daughter's body.
"Are you sure? I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. We really can wait." But teenager was already shaking her head against Lexa's shoulder and Lexa brought her left hand to cup her daughter's cheek. Costia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
"I haven't had the attack for a long time now. You don't have to worry about it. I'm fine." She assured but Lexa didn't buy it. It's been almost two years since that horrible night that still haunted Costia, but Lexa was her mother. She was scared that her meeting Clarke might be too much for her. It's been exactly 87 days since Costia's last panic attack. Lexa's been counting. Yes. And that's the main reason why she hadn't introduced Clarke to Costia yet. Clarke didn't know about Costia's mental health. She knew Lexa's daughter is very intelligent. She knew she's a smarty pants person. She knew she's allergic to nuts. She knew her favorite color is blue. She knew she hated hospitals and doctors. She knew what kind of car she drives. She knew she doesn't like her step father. She knew all those stuff from Lexa even though she has never even met her. But there are also many things she has no idea about and neither Lexa, nor Costia are ready to reveal them just yet.
"I know baby. I'll ask her when she has time, so maybe we can eat a dinner together at Golden star?" She kissed Costia's temple and Costia remembered how was it to be 5 years old, falling asleep in in her mother's arms, being carried by her strong arms and then put down gently into her bed. She remembers how they spent summers chasing each other with Aden, before the emotional storm came. Before the problems started. Before Aden died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You're sure you don't want me to pick you up? I can-" Lexa's been talking on her phone for the past five minutes and it made Clarke's palms sweat again. She knew it was Costia she's been talking to. They've been sitting in the restaurant for 20 minutes already. They were sitting outside on the balcony. The view on the city was incredible, but comparing to the view Clarke had in front of her, it was nothing. Lexa was wearing her white converse, black trousers with holes, white T-shirt that Clarke was sure cost at lest $200 and a jeans jacket that costed at least $700. Lexa was a lawyer. A pretty good damn lawyer. One of the best in the U.S.A. So money wasn't any problem for her. She could spend as much as she wanted to, whenever she wanted to, but even though her wallet was pretty damn thick, she never liked showing off with it. She liked fancy clothes, yes. Who doesn't? But it was never the most important thing for her. Lexa would give all her money up in a second if that'd mean saving someone's life. She was kind and generous, even though she didn't seem like it.
"Okay.......... No Costia. We've been sitting here waiting for you for the past twenty-................. I don't care............ Listen................ No. Do you want me to get you? I reall-...................... Okay....................... uh-uh............ Alright. See you in ten. Bye. I love you........" Lexa ends the call and huffs while putting the phone down. She looked at Clarke apologitecly and blonde knew what that meant.
"Don't worry about it. She's sixteen. No one's on time when they're sixteen." Clarke smiled, putting her hand on Lexa's thigh, trying to hide her nervousness. But brunette felt the trembling fingers and smirked.
"One. I don't care she's sixteen. She's old enough to have a license, she's old enough to be on time. And two. Clarke, there's nothing you have to be nervous about. You're gonna be fine. I should be the nervous one here." They interlaced their fingers.
"Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen you nervous." Clarke grumbled.
"You have. You just didn't realize it. Just a reminder, I'm a lawyer. I know how to hide my feelings. And unfortunately Costia got it after me, so she might seem confident and look like she doesn't care, but she's as terrified as you are. Trust me."
"Any other advices you have for me?"
"I love my sweet kid, but she can be a pain in the ass and she thinks she's the smartest out of all. So just prove her wrong and she'll be eating out of your hand. She also really respects people with their own opinion so, we don't have to worry about this one. And don't get offended by her inappropriate comments. I'm really trying to get rid of it, but the roots are already way too deep and sometimes she goes too far. Don't worry. I won't let you drown though."
"Now you made me even more nervous. She scares me more than your sister."
"She's almost exactly like my sister, so if you did it once, you can do it again."
"It's not the same. Anya isn't your daughter. I need your daughter to like me."
"She will, Clarke. Me and her are related after all and it seems like we both have a thing for blonde girls." Lexa smirked, trying to release the tension.
"She has a girlfriend?" Eyebrows were raised high.
"Not that I know of. But all of her closest friends are blondes." In the same moment Costia walked into the restaurant. Clarke followed Lexa's gaze and could tell from the first time she saw her, she's Lexa's child. She had plumps lips, long, dark hair and green eyes. She was Lexa's younger version. Costia was standing confused in the middle of the restaurant, trying to find her mother and smiled when she spotted Lexa staring at her. Then she moved towards the table. That's when Clarke noticed with what confidence does she move. Blonde was sure she got that characteristic after Lexa too.
"Sorry mom. I totally forgot about this project with Lindsay and Alicia." She stumbled once she reached the table. Lexa and Clarke were standing and blonde already started feeling awkward.
"20 minutes is not that bad." Lexa smirked and they sat down. Lexa next to Clarke. On the opposite side of the table, Costia in her dark green chemise. Then blonde could hear Lexa taking deep breath.
"Costia, this is Clarke. Clarke, this is Costia. My daughter." Clarke held her hand and Costia without any visible hesitation shook it.
"So you're the one screwing my mom when I'm not home." She said with serious tone and Clarke's eyes became wide, her cheeks red. 'What the hell do I say to that?'
"Costia." Lexa warned her, although she felt as uncomfortable as Clarke did.
"Tell me I'm wrong." She raised her eyebrows with a smirk. Good thing she added the smirk or otherwise, it would sound like she was jealous. Which she partly was, even if she didn't know that yet.
The awkward silence between them stretched and Clarke wanted to break it so badly, but she didn't know how. What does she say to sixteen year old girl who knows she's fucking her mom?
"Anyway. Did you order already?" Costia asked awkwardly but confidently.
"No we were waiting for you." Costia hummed appreciating the act. The waitress came and they ordered their food. Silence appeared again.
When the food came, they all started to eat.
"Mom I'm gonna skip two more classes." Costia addressed without looking up from her plate.
"Again? What classes?"
"You remember when I told you they moved me to AP physics 3? They said it's gonna be class juniors take, but it's just stuff I've done last year. So I went to my counselor and she said they can move me to AP physics 4. And also they are trying to get me college math classes after school, because they said they don't have anything here to teach me anymore." 'Impressive' Clarke thought. She barely passed physics in high school even though she was studying it all the time. This girl has hell of a brain.
"You are in third the best school in the United States and they're saying they don't have anything to teach you anymore? Where do all my money go?" Lexa asked sarcastically.
"Yeah I know. And... also you've been kinda summoned to school to talk with the principal. But whatever they say. They're lying. Okay? It wasn't really my fault!" She started defending herself before Lexa could even say anything. The mad look she gave her was enough.
"Again?! What did you do this time Costia?! I thought it was clear after last last time that you were supposed to behave!" It was 7th time this year when she's been summoned to school for her daughter's bad behavior. It was mostly just her being sassy towards teachers but it was still unacceptable.
"Okay it's not my fault my math teacher is a dick who can't admit he's wrong! He was doing an equation on the board and when he finished I POLITELY told him it's wrong. So he looked at the answers in the book and it was exactly what his answer looked like. But something didn't fit so I googled it and it said I was right. Still he wouldn't listen. So then I found this webpage that solves equations and when it did, it proved that I'm right. He just said that internet can be wrong and that he's a teacher there. So after lesson I went to the other teacher that I had last year and she admitted that the book was wrong and when I took her to Mr. Bryan he got mad and started shouting and saying that I'm constantly trying to humiliate him on his lessons, while I was only trying to tell him he was wrong so he doesn't teach other students like that! It really wasn't my fault."
"Is it the same teacher you and your friends pranked few moths ago and locked in the school for the weekend?" Lexa's angry eyebrows went up and Clarke couldn't help but to think how sexy she looks right now. How hot she looks when she's mad. At least when she's mad not at her.
"Yeah" Costia chuckled remembering the prank. On Monday when they opened the class, they found him laying on the ground without his shirt. Whole class was upside down and he was covered in war paint. Fortunately no one had any evidence that she and her friends did it so they couldn't suspend her, but the truth to be told? Everyone knew.
"It's not funny Costia! You're lucky they didn't suspend you. It would ruin your college application. We'll talk about it later. You can prepare yourself for giving me your car until the end of the year when we get back home."
"What?! Mom but-" 'Car?! How can she take my car?!'
"-I didn't do anything bad! You can't take my car! I'm using it-"
"Oh yes I can. I just did." Her face serious. Clarke felt slightly confused and uncomfortable. That's not exactly how she imagined meeting Costia.
"From now on I'll be taking and picking you up from school. Until I don't have to attend Sunday meetings with your principal." And her daughter scoffed after crossing her arms on her chest. Her eyes sharp, were sending daggers into Lexa, but her mom couldn't care less.
"You're overreacting. You've only been there like twice." She answered releasing the tension a little bit.
"Seven times Costia. It's seven times too many."
"Whatever." She whispered softly, hoping Lexa couldn't hear her. But she did and in normal situation she would say something back, but stopped herself because she knew Clarke needed to feel really uncomfortable right now.
They began eating again. After about five minutes that Clarke thought was eternity she spotted some blue paint left on her hands and started wiping it. It caught Costia's attention.
"Which gallery?" She asked. Clarke looked up confused.
"Sorry?" Costia sighed. 'There we go again.' Lexa thought.
"You have paint on your hands and on your legs, which I didn't want to tell you about before. You have dreamy eyes plus I saw confusion mixed with impressiveness when I was talking about me skipping physics, which means you're type of person who's definitely not into it. My guess? Not into any science stuff at all. Painting could be your hobby or one time thing but I saw my mom buying tons of liters of this professional, expensive paint last week, and now I'm pretty sure it was for you. Why would you spend so much money if it's just your hobby? I bet that's your way of getting money and only less than 20% of all artists are able to live by just selling their paintings so you have to work somewhere else too. You love art too much to do anything else and you also look like someone very determined so you're probably working in some kind of gallery. The question is... Which gallery?"
Clarke eyes were wide. All of it was true. She deducted it all after 20 minutes? Lexa on the other hand wasn't impressed at all. It happened way too many times already so she didn't even looked up from her spaghetti.
"The one on Oxford street."
"That's a nice one."
"You've been there?" Lexa asked.
"Yeah. Lindsay's grandfather owns the place. What's his name? Des-... Don-...Umm...Something with a D..."
"Dante?"
"Yeah! That's the one."
"Yep that's my boss."
"He's a nice old guy. Although I find it really weird when he tries to pet me like a dog." Clarke laughed because she knows the feeling.
"I know. I'm not sure if he knows that it makes everyone feel very uncomfortable. He's also super obsessed with medical stuff. My colleague cut himself with a knife last week. I mean there was barely any blood yet Dante forced him to go to the hospital. My friends call him Meddy-petty." Costia chuckled and Lexa was taken aback. Costia doesn't laugh out loud around people she doesn't know. Not anymore.
"That is so relevant! One time he started braiding my hair in the middle of a conversation."
"Thank God! I thought I was the only one!" They laughed and Lexa laughed with them. When they stopped Costia almost totally forgot about her car being taken away in few hours and decided to just enjoy this moment. She actually might like this one.
~~~~~~~~
3 months later...
"If you don't want to go that's okay. No pressure. We don't want to push you into something you're not ready for." Costia was sitting on the kitchen island, eating breakfast pancakes, while Lexa was on the other end of the kitchen making them.
"Sure. I'll go." she said with a mouth full of pancakes. She said it so easily but Lexa know that inside Costia's struggling. She closed the distance between them and put her hands on Costia's thighs.
"I understand if you want to act strong in front of Clarke but you don't have to act like that in front of me. Just tell me if you don't want to go. We'll make up some excuse. No one will be mad." She whispered softly.
"Did you meet Clarke's parents already?"
"Yeah, few months ago. They're really nice." And Costia could feel the anger coming.
"You mean the few months ago when you were keeping your relationship away from me for almost a year??" She raised her eyebrows and hopped down from the island to get more pancakes. Lexa closed her eyes and sighed.
"Costia we talked about this. I wasn't sure if you were ready to know. I didn't want to hurt you." She remembered how angry Costia got once she heard that Clarke and she were together for that long without telling her anything. What pissed her even more is that everyone except her knew. Lexa would always push on her and tell her that she can be completely honest with her mom and because she was, that's why she got angry. Because Lexa wasn't as loyal. She didn't talk to either of them for the next 3 weeks after she found out.
"Yeah so you decided that it's gonna be a great idea to tell everyone except me." She mumbled angrily while searching for whipped cream.
"It's on the door" Lexa helped, knowing what Costia's looking for and her daughter huffed irritated at the fact how good her mom knows her.
"And I already apologized like thousand times..."
"Still haven't forgave you." She said strongly and then chopped some banana.
"I know. And I'm still very sorry." She looked down at the floor. Costia rolled her eyes because she knew Lexa's trying to make her feel guilty. She also knew that her mom was truly sorry. That she never meant to hurt her. But she did nonetheless. Girl exhaled slowly.
"It's important for Clarke isn't it?" She asked.
"It's not about Clarke. It's about you. If you don't feel ready on meeting her parents and family then that's completely-"
"Mom." She looked at Lexa with raised eyebrows. Lexa's been very overprotective since that night. Since everything changed. And Costia understands but it's been 2 years and she should let go at some point.
"It is. But it still doesn't require anything from you."
"Then I'll do it." She said firmly. Lexa only nodded in response knowing that Costia already decided.
"But if you leave me to five year olds again I'm gonna kill you." She added dead serious but Lexa couldn't help but laugh.
"No promises." She smirked and walked to her bedroom to get ready.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Okay, sure. I'll tell them. See you in an hour. Bye." Clarke finished talking on the phone and went back to the kitchen where her mom and dad were preparing food for the weekend's family party, they have every year. Clarke's whole family and closest friends were coming which usually is a lot of fun, because she really loves all of those 38 people, but this time she's nervous. She's nervous because this time it's gonna be different. This time Lexa's coming. And not just Lexa but Costia too. She really took a liking to this sixteen year old girl even if she knew Costia still doesn't trust her completely. She found her very intelligent, funny and fun to be around with.
"Mom Lexa just called and she said Costia's coming too." Clarke announced and went back to cutting carrots. Abby squealed from happiness. She really liked Lexa. She liked how smart and polite she is. Most of all she liked with how huge tenderness and carefulness she treated and looked at Clarke. Abby had no doubt they loved each other but she hadn't met Costia yet. All she know about the girl is what Clarke told her. Which is she's very intelligent and confident. She looks a lot alike Lexa and that she wants to go to College to Harvard. Nothing more. And Abby wants to know more. She waited for the day Clarke is going to give her grandkids since the day she was born. And when she found out Lexa already had one, she couldn't be happier even if Costia's already sixteen.
"Yes! That's amazing! Jake, we're gonna finally meet our future grandchild!" Abby squealed again like a five year old.
"Mom, calm down. Look, even though Lexa and I are together for over a year now, Costia's been aware for only three months. It's still new to her and I don't want you to scare her off. She's a great kid and she looks really confident but from what I've heard from Lexa, she's also very soft on the inside. If you're gonna call her you're grandchild and scare her, you won't see her again."
"You're right! I have to prepare... Clarke will you finish the rest?" Abby washed her hands and run out of Kitchen.
"No mom! There's too much to do! I-" but before she could finish Abby was already gone. It was Jake and her now and she gave him knowing look.
"I'll go get Raven and Octavia. They should be on the patio."
"No! No, wait dad! No Raven. Last time she almost burned our house down and we weren't even using the oven. Now we are. We have to keep her away from here. Just call Octavia and Anya."
"You got it." He winked and went to find the two girls. Raven and Octavia, since they were Clarke's best friends since forever, were always participating Clarke's family dinners. And since Anya became Raven's girlfriend she was invited too. Which, actually scared the shit out of Clarke as if she's dating Anya's sister.
Few minutes later Raven was bursting into the kitchen.
"Excuse me, but why the hell did you tell your dad that you don't want me in the kitchen Griffin?!" Anya and Octavia followed her and went right to the task. Anya was pouring some water into the pot, while Octavia started cutting the chicken.
"Well do you remember last time when you tried to 'help'?" Her answer was met with dumb chuckle and quiet 'oh yeah'.
"Yeah. So if you wanna be here, just stay on the far side from the microwave. And oven. And stove. From anything that might get my parents' house on fire really."
"Got it." Then she walked over to the kitchen island and sat on the chair.
"So, am I gonna finally meet my to-be niece?" She asked while chewing a lip.
"Yeah. Lexa just called. She said Costia's coming too."
"She is?" Anya asked protectively. Costia was in her top 5 the most important people and she knew about her panic attacks and what she's been through. She also knew that Clarke wasn't aware of it just yet, and Lexa asked her to not tell her. She was still worried. Anya knew how big of a deal it must be for Costia.
"Yeah. They should be here in like 40 minutes."
"I have a feeling you're gonna like her Reyes. You have similar, sarcastic sense of humor." Octavia added and Anya chuckled because it's true.
"You met her?" Raven asked with jealousy.
"Yeah, I met her in Lexa's office like a month ago and then talked to her for a while on Tuesday when she waited for Lexa to finish work."
"Great so I'm the only one who's never even seen her, even though it is MY girlfriend's nice." She crossed her arms on her chest like a little child and while Octavia and Clarke found it annoying, Anya thought the act was really cute.
"She is MY girlfriend's DAUGHTER so..." Clarke mocked.
"Plus don't overreact so much Raven. You'll meet her in less than an hour." Reyes huffed at that.
~~~~~~~~~
One and a half hour later, when Clarke started worrying that something happened, she finally heard the knocking on the door. She excused herself from the loud, long table full of arguing people and moved to the door.
"Finally! I thought something happened." Was the first thing she said when she saw Lexa and Costia by her side. Lexa kissed her cheek and moved passed Clarke inside. Seeing it, Costia's body tensed a little bit. She was still not used to her mother being so vulnerable with someone else than her. She hid it quickly, because her being jealous was no good for anyone. Clarke however saw the uncomfortableness in Costia's eyes and body language. She decided to not say anything though.
"That's what happens when you tell a teenager to get ready in forty minutes." Lexa said apologetically and then looked at Costia.
"Thanks mom. Still don't think it's my fault. Hi Clarke." She answered emotionlessly.
"Hi Costia." Clarke smiled. Costia's palms were sweaty and she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. Stress? Was she really stressed about meeting her mom's girlfriend's family. She shouldn't be. And yet, here she was. Walking in the middle of the hallway, with her back stiff as a stick. Lexa seeing this, sent her knowing look and a smirk and the girl rolled her eyes.
As soon as they stepped into the room and saw huge group of people shouting at each other, Abby and Jake were right next to them. The room felt warm and happy. It felt like family and Costia and Lexa liked it very much.
"Hello Abby. Hello Jake." Lexa greeted them and they welcomed her in a hug. Costia was standing slightly in the back, next to Clarke, feeling out of place.
"Hi Lexa. And you must be Costia. We heard so much about you and we couldn't wait to finally meet you." Abby smiled and her smile was so warm and so loving that Costia didn't even have to force herself to smile back.
"It's nice to meet you too." She said slowly. And Jake's and Abby's heart swelled.
"Here. We're just about to start the dinner." Abby pointed at the table and three empty seats. Lexa sat in the middle, Clarke on her right, Costia on her left, next to Anya. And her daughter was grateful that she could sit next to someone she actually knew. Anya greeted her with a smile.
"Hey kid." She said.
"Hey grandpa." Costia smirked. Every time her aunt would call her a kid, she'd respond with some kind of old people nickname.
"Okay for the hundredth time, it wasn't my fault that your oven got on fire Abby! I was just standing there and then boom! I saw red!" Raven argued then turned her attention to Costia.
"You must be the special kid. No one stop blathering about you. I'm-"
"Raven, right?" Costia finished.
"So you have heard of me?" Her eyebrows rose. A big, dumb smile on her face.
"Yeah Clarke and A.A. talk about you all the time. The sarcastic, sweet brunette who works for NASA and never shuts up."
"Yup that's me." Raven smirked.
"A.A.? Is that you An? Like Anonymous Alcoholics?" She asked.
"More like Aggressive Ass." Lexa mumbled and Anya sent her angry look.
"How am I aggressive?!"
"Oh so you agree with being an ass?" Costia, Lexa and Raven laughed while Anya was sending them glares.
"Anyway nice to meet you. I've been told we have the same sarcastic humor."
"So have I." Costia confirmed.
"I also heard you have a big brain, so we should get along."
"Wanna bet her brain's bigger?" Clarke asked from her seat and pointed at Costia.
"I work for NASA Clarke." Raven reminded, adjusting her grip on Anya's hand and getting ready to prepare herself for defending her title.
"Raven, they asked her to work for her six months ago." Clarke continued and Costia was surprised she knew that, but she didn't really mind.
"Seriously?! That's actually pretty awesome, I can't fight with that. Did you accept it?" Raven asked, not so jealous anymore.
"No, I had to refuse."
"Why?"
"Overprotective mom." She looked at Lexa who was about to say something before some old lady overtook her.
"And I agree. I don't think kids should work unless they have to." She said.
"I'm Gina. Clarke's aunt. Nice to meet you." She smiled warmly.
"Nice to meet you too ma'am." Costia smiled back and looked at Raven who hid her face behind Anya's back and mouthed 'Crazy Lady'. Costia chuckled to that.
Few minutes passed and some other aunts and friends started passing plates with the the chicken covered in nut sauce and some vegetables. When the plates were in front of everyone Abby spoke to Costia.
"You should try the chicken. It's covered in our secret family, nut sauce. It's delicious." Lexa hearing this quickly looked at Costia, panic in her eyes, and saw that her daughter wasn't even near touching the fork.
"I'm afraid I can't. I'm allergic to nuts." she said apologetically and Clarke mentally slapped herself.
"Oh shit. I totally forgot. Wait I'll bring you something else." She stood up and Abby followed.
"There's no need. I'll just eat vegetables." Costia said and Lexa was proud at her daughter's behavior.
"Don't be silly. We won't let you starve. Just wait a minute." Abby said, took Costia's plate and went straight to her kitchen with Clarke behind her.
Lexa looked at her daughter, who was nervously pooping her knuckles, scanning the table and people around her.
"You don't have to be nervous at all." She leaned to whisper into her ear.
"I'm not." Costia said firmly.
"Yhy" Lexa smiled and shoved some chicken into her mouth. She was still looking at Costia to give it up and because Costia couldn't stand her mother staring at her, she did.
"Okay, maybe a little bit. It's just... It's nice. They're nice. I just don't want to screw that up." Her eyes still scanning the table, never meeting Lexa's.
"You won't baby. They love you already." Lexa leaned and kissed Costia's temple and Costia was too stressed to care.
Some time later Clarke brought her her meal and everyone started laughing, shouting and arguing again. Clarke and Lexa were deep in the conversation with Lincoln and Clarke's other cousin, while Costia was talking to Abby, Jake and Gina.
"Yeah Abby's one of the best surgeons in the country so if you ever need a heart transplant go to her." Costia laughed at old lady's comment. Why did she laugh? She never laughs when she's around strangers. She doesn't even find it funny. Yet she did. She laughed today more than she have in the past month and she felt Lexa's eyes staring at her every time she did.
"Anyway. So what's your other mom's name?" Gina continued with a smile.
"Luna." Costia answered. Her cheeks hurt from the constant smile that was on her face, but she couldn't help it.
"Luna? That's a very pretty name! Yeah, Jake you remember... someone in our family was named like that. Who was it?" She looked at Jake.
"It was our mother's sister."
"Ooh! Yes, yes! Aunt Luna. Such a sweet lady she was. She died on a heart attack didn't she?" Jake nodded without any hurt emotions. He barely knew her.
"Yeah she was what? 52? Died so young. Anyways... You don't have any siblings do you Costia?" Hearing this, even though Lexa was participating in other conversation, her eyes became wide. She turned her head to look at Costia, on whose face smile was still present.
"No ma'am. Not anymore." She delivered the answer and it forced Clarke, Anya and most of the people who were near them to stop talking. Abby's, Jake's and Gina's faces were filled with confusion, while Lexa just wanted to get her baby away from this conversation. She didn't want Costia to say it. When her answer was met with silence, Costia continued.
"Aden died two years ago." she said simply, with a calm face and a slight smile but on the inside she felt like someone opened her old wounds which never really got the chance to heal. Clarke looked at Lexa confused, hoping it's not true, but Lexa refused to meet her eyes because she was too focused on Costia. The room went silent. Everyone was staring at Costia and Lexa. Anya could swear she heard Lexa's heart break again. She wasn't surprised because her did too. She remembered Aden and she remembered how much Costia and her sister loved him and how his death almost destroyed them. Especially Costia.
"I'm sorry." Gina finally whispered.
"Me too." Costia answered. Small smile still on her face. She won't let them see how it hurt her to say it. She won't let them see in what pain she is right now. She won't cry in front of them. She'll stay strong, but she couldn't stop seeing those images. The images of her dead brother. The images of someone killing her best friend. She couldn't help but to think what would happen if. She couldn't help but to feel guilty. Silence stretched and it became unbearable.
"Can I use the bathroom?" She asked politely. She had to get away. She had to be somewhere else, because she felt it coming. She felt it coming and she knew she couldn't stop it. She knew it's gonna come hard this time.
"Of course. Go upstairs, second doors on the right." Abby answers quietly.
"Thank you" she got up and quickly turned to leave. She felt everyone's eyes on her back. 'You ruined everything again. You came to meet your new family and you screwed it up again. You should've died instead of Aden. It's your fault he's dead'. She opened the door to the bathroom and as soon as she locked them, she leaned over the sink. Tears started bursting down her face.
Dining room was still quiet. Lexa locked her eyes with Clarke for a second, then excused herself and went after Costia. Everyone was still silent, staring at Lexa's back. Abby's attention went back to Clarke, asking quietly did she know. Blonde slightly shook her head sadly.
"Costia open the door." Lexa knocked again.
"Baby let me in." Then she heard her unlocking the door. As soon as she saw Costia's red face she knew what was going on. Costia's eyes were widely open and there were tears streaming down her face. Her breathing became quick and shallow, but then Costia remembered that she was the reason Aden died. She was the reason her little brother's life ended. She remembered seeing his bloody face in their kitchen. She remembered calling 911 and she remembered listening to Lexa's cries at night, every night for the next six months. She remembered when she tried to take her own life. She remembered Maddie's screaming and how she didn't help her. And in that moment she couldn't breathe at all. Her legs were shaking, her hands trembled. She tried to take a breath but she couldn't.
Lexa took Costia's face in her hands and tried to catch her eyes.
"Breathe Costia. Look at me. Look at me baby, please" Lexa's eyes started watering too. Costia listened and looked into her green eyes.
"Breathe baby. Just breathe." And she did just that. She took a short breath. She was shaking. Lexa closed the distance between them and hugged her baby girl. She put her hands protectively over Costia's back and head. Costia buried her face in the crock of Lexa's neck.
"Just breath Costia. It wasn't your fault. Breathe. Everything's alright now. You're okay. We're okay." Lexa squeezed her daughter tightly and Costia put her hands around Lexa's waist and bursted with tears again. She started crying for all the things she's done and for all the things she didn't do. She cried for Aden and she cried for Maddie. She let out all the pain she felt inside for the past six months when she tried pretending everything's alright. It wasn't. It isn't and it never will be. Because Aden's gone. Her little brother's gone and it's her fault. Lexa hummed slowly.
"Just let it all out baby. Breathe. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you. Everything's gonna be alright." She kissed Costia's temple and didn't let go of her grip. They stayed like that for the next forty minutes and Lexa didn't mind. Costia hasn't been crying for the past ten minutes and her breathing was steady once again but it looked like she wasn't ready to let go just yet, so Lexa didn't rush her. Finally after another 10 minutes, Costia took a little step back.
"You wanna go home?" Lexa asked, Costia's face in her hands.
"No." She shook her head. She knew if she went home, there's nothing to distract her and the probability of her getting another panic attack is way bigger than if she stayed.
"You sure? It's no problem. Clarke will understand. They all will."
"I'm sure." Lexa stared at Costia for a few more minutes, waiting for her to change her mind. When she realized, her daughter won't, she nodded and opened the door.
When they went downstairs they saw that everyone was done with the dinner and is outside on the patio or in the swimming pool. Everyone except Clarke who was anxiously waiting for them in the living room. Lexa caught her eye but decided to not explain what just happened right now, with Costia beside her and Clarke nodded knowingly. Brunette walked with her hand on Costia's lower back on the patio and stood beside Anya. After a soft nod from Lexa, Anya smiled at Costia and then looked at Raven. Raven came over with help and decided to not ask any questions but just take Costia saying there are few people she should meet. With that, the two of them were gone and it was just Lexa and Anya. Lexa finally let out a long, tired breath.
"It happened again?" Anya asked sadly and her sister nodded.
"It's been six months since her last panic attack, and she just had to let it out now. It wasn't the worst but it was pretty bad. I'm gonna call doc. Gustus once we're back and schedule next appointment." Anya nodded.
"I should go talk to Clarke." She looked over her shoulder and saw blonde staring at her with her sad, blue eyes.
"She's been worried." Anya added and with that Lexa moved towards Clarke.
Once the two of them were standing face to face in silence Lexa spoke.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I-" she couldn't finish because Clarke's hands quickly wrapped themselves around Lexa's back. Lexa let herself to be vulnerable with Clarke and buried her face in blonde's shoulder.
"You don't have to apologize. It's okay. I understand." Lexa nodded but then stepped back and looked into Clarke's eyes.
"Can we go somewhere private? I want you to know." Blonde nodded and turned around towards her old room. When they got there, they sat on the bed with interlaced fingers. Lexa took a deep breath and started.
"Maddie was Costia's best friend. They've known each other since they were five. They were doing everything together and there wasn't a day when she didn't talk about her. Two years ago, Costia and Maddie went on a party. The one I specifically told her no to. There was a guy who wouldn't leave Costia alone so she hid in the closet upstairs. She was about to get out once he left, but then Maddie entered the room. He raped her and slit her throat in front of Costia. She blames herself for her death, because she saw everything, yet didn't react. She ran as soon as the guy left the room. Next days were interrogations and somehow this guy found out she was in the room and saw everything, so he threatened her. He said if she's gonna say anything to anyone, he's gonna kill me and Aden. Costia held everything inside her, until one day decided to tell me the truth. She went to my office and did just that. Aden was at home with his babysitter. When we came back he was laying on the ground, covered in blood. The guy must've found out about her telling me and slit his and his baby sitter's throats." Lexa stopped there. She remembered how Aden's dead body looked like. She remembered his cold, dead eyes. She remembered putting her hands on his face, telling him everything's gonna be alright, even though she knew it wasn't. Even though she knew he was already dead. She remembered her first day without his smiley face around. She also remembered the day Costia broke. Tears started streaming down her face.
"He's in jail now. He got death sentence, but Costia never forgave herself. What you saw today, was a panic attack. She's been having them since. Sometimes they're not that bad, but sometimes, like today, she can't breathe. It's been six months since it last happened and I guess it was too much. She started seeing therapist, doctor Gustus after... after all that. He helped, but a year ago, during the anniversary, she couldn't take it anymore and took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. Anya found her in her room and called 911 in time. The day I met you in the hospital? When you were visiting you mom there? I was visiting Costia. She woke up from the coma and asked me to get her something to eat. I was doing just that when you bumped on me next to the vending machine." Clarke was crying a this point. Just like Lexa. She took Lexa in her arms and they cried together. They cried and didn't say a word. Clarke wanted Lexa to know, that she's here now and that she doesn't have to do this alone. She doesn't have to bare it all. They stayed like this in silence until after twenty minutes Lexa backed away and nodded, secretly telling her she knows. They stood up and exited the room.
"How old was he?" Clarke asked before they reached the stairs. Lexa looked at Clarke and smiled slightly.
"Seven."