Work Text:
You're on your first date with Rei Sakuma.
You met on tinder and were instantly attracted to his fangs.
Your date is at the local mcdonalds.
He buys you food and a drink and just food for himself. You find yourself concerned that he did not get him a drink, however at that moment out of the pocket of his louis vuitton trenchcoat he pulls out tomato juice. You are relieved.
He says he brought his own tomato juice because he "just cant get enough of this wee red vegetable juice".
The rest of the date goes on silently and he finishes his food first. While he is waiting for you to finish your Big Mac™, he is folding tiny origami cranes out of the napkins.
After you are done with your meal he suggests going to his place. He says its a "its a noice lil place awn tha nice sidea towne". You agree to going with him because you are intruigued.
You get into his 2008 jet black cadillac with baby on board bumper stickers. He notices you direct your attention to the stickers and says, "Eggcuse tha stickahs, thos wos ma fathas car".
During the car ride he talks about his various travels. "One taime i went to the lil store on tha cornah ovah there and got my self beat tha fock op", he says as you both pass by a little store. You inquire as to why he was assaulted, and he responds, "I just asked the man who sell tha bootleg movies if he had twalight on tha VCR". This leads you to ask if he has a preference for VCR over CDs. He said he does because "its easier to clean tomates joice off ah cahssette".
After a few moments of silence, you arrive at his apartment. You walk up the stairs holding his arm. As he quietly unlocks the door, he looks left and right. He explains this is because sometimes racoons attack him if he makes sudden loud noises.
As you enter the apartment, you realize it looks more average than you expected. You sit on the only furniture in the living room, a black leather couch. Rei sits down next to you and puts his arm around you smoothly.
He then looks at you in the eyes and says, "Would ye like tah geet downe and dirtee with me? Howevah ye must allow me tah whip yah its the onlee way i geet offe".