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24th December 2010
“I think maybe, you just need saving” He whispered, brushing a curl behind her ear.
She looked away and smiled lightly, “I think if anyone can save me, it’ll be you.” She said then looked back to him.
He smiled brightly at her before his lips met hers.
13th September, 2012
“What do you want?” He asks running a hand through his hair and standing in front of her, feeling as if he was under interrogation. “Just tell me what you want Lex because I don’t know anymore.”
It had been difficult the last few months, they had been arguing a lot and it scared him. He could feel her distancing herself. It was almost like she wanted it to end, like she wanted them to argue. She keeps finding reasons as to why it shouldn’t and wouldn’t work out. They had been together almost two years now and all of a sudden it was like the beginning again, only worse. She was scared, he could see it in her eyes, saw it in the way she always laughed a little too hard for a little too long. He just didn’t know what else he could do to fix it.
“I just - Just say something real Matt. Everyone just always tries so hard, and it all comes out the same. I just want someone to say something real.”
He laughs aloud at that because everything he says to her is real. Walking closer to her he places his hands either side of her face. “I fucking love you Alex. How much more real can it get. I am in love with you. You are my world.”
Tears stream down her face as she shakes her head lightly. “I need space Matt, I need time to clear my head.” She said, picking up her holdall.
Anger building he grabs her by her shoulders, raising his voice slightly. “Will you stop insisting on clearing your head Alex – how about clearing your fucking heart instead?”
Alex took a deep breath placing a hand on Matts cheek “I’m sorry Matt and you’re right I do need to clear my heart, but the thing is; I’m not brave anymore darling, I’m broken. They’ve broken me and I just- I don’t know how to clear it anymore. I’ve let you close enough that this is going to hurt me more than ever before already and I’m just trying to prevent it being worse. You’re my best friend and I love you with all of my heart but it’s just not the right time. That’s the tragic truth of our relationship. If we’d met somewhere else, at a different time in a different place, we’d have been soul mates. Fate just wasn’t in our favour.”
“No!” He says shrugging her hand from him and walking to the door, “You are my soul mate. It’s you that isn’t in our favour.”
“Matt…” she begins but he’s out the door before she can say another word.
24th December 2012
He doesn’t know why he tried to convince himself that she wouldn’t show up. It was Moffat’s Christmas party; of course she would be there. She was always there. What made it worse was that she showed up with some posh old bloke’s arm wrapped around her waist and he hates her for it. Except he doesn’t hate her, not even a little bit; what he does hate though, is how quickly she seems to have moved on, it had only been three months since things had ended so uncertainly. They had never said it, never properly ended things, he had just gone back home after cooling off and she had been gone. He had tried to call, he tried to get her to talk to him but she wouldn’t, and now there she was with not a care in the world. She clearly hadn’t even thought about him while he could think of nothing but her.
He’s so busy glaring at the man at her side that he doesn’t realise she’s walking towards him until Arthur nudges him and looks in their direction.
“Don’t worry stupid face. You’re way better looking than him, and that’s saying something. And you’ve a way better personality, I can just tell.” Karen says, trying to lighten the situation and placing a hand on Matts shoulder.
“Thanks Kaz” he replies smiling lightly at her, wondering why Alex seems to be intentionally rubbing it in his face that she can move on and he can’t. All the while extremely thankful that he has his best friends there to support him. Well, two of them; the other one’s the reason he needs support.
The closer she got, the harder it was for him to act okay, like it didn’t feel like his heart was being wrenched out of his chest. She looked beautiful, like she always does and he just wants to grab her hand and take her away; tell her how much he’s missed her and how much he loves her and show her properly. But he can’t do that because it’s obviously not what she wants and deep down, all he cares about is what she wants.
“Karen, darling” his stomach drops as her voice breaks his thoughts and she walks up to Karen, wrapping her arms around her and placing a kiss to her cheek before repeating the action to Arthur, all of them hugging tightly and smiling brightly.
But not when it got to him, she didn’t hug him or smile brightly, which he’s thankful for because he isn’t sure he would be able to let go.
“Hello,” she said, looking at him and smiling lightly.
“Hi” he replied and their eyes met briefly before someone cleared their throat beside Alex.
“Oh” she said with a bright smile, holding her hand out and pulling the man she arrived with closer to her.
“Karen, Arthur, Matt-” she looked down as she said his name, not meeting his eyes again. “Meet my date, Craig. Craig, team TARDIS!” she said gesturing to the three of them.
‘Craig’ smiled widely at them, his too-white teeth showing as he reached out a dark tan hand to Arthur before placing a kiss to Karen’s cheek.
When it got to Matt though, he nodded his head “Matt, I’ve heard a lot about you all.” He said in a thick American brogue.
Matt nodded back, gritting his teeth before placing a kiss to Karen’s head and slapping Arthur on the shoulder. Tears blurred his vision as he walked away from them, saying nothing and deciding that seeing her on her own was difficult enough, let alone with someone else.
Walking as quickly as he could out of Stevens house, he made his way to his car, trying to keep it together and not to think about the way someone else’s arm was around her or how she smiled at him like nothing had happened, like they were never anything. As he got to his car, he heard footsteps running towards him and he knew it was her. Taking a deep breath he turned around to see her running towards him, slightly out of breath.
“Matt,” she breathed catching up to him but leaving a large distance between them. “Why are you leaving? Don’t leave on my account.” She said, not meeting his eyes.
He let out a breath, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t stay Lex, it’s too hard.” He said looking up to finally catch her eye. “You know,” he begins - scuffing his feet on the ground. “I had a dream last night, well the same one every night really, that you talked to me again, like we used to, whispering, late nights, hushed breaths. But I woke up, and the dream was gone just like you were gone, months ago. And I want you to know, no, no I need you to know that I miss the way we used to talk, or not talk. I miss the way we just were and it’s just. It’s too strange and too hard because you used to love me you see? And now you’re just- just a stranger who happens to know me more than anyone; A stranger who knows all of my fears and all of my secrets.”
She was looking at him now, and part of him wants to believe that she looks as torn up as him, but he tells himself that it’s just wishful thinking.
“Matt” she begins in the small quiet voice he’s used to hearing when she’s scared or nervous. “I only- I mean, I thought you would have brought someone and I didn’t want to be standing on my own while you had your arm around some young, pretty girl, so I brought someone okay? Not to spite you or to- to hurt you. I did it because I was scared that you’d have someone else.” She wrings her hands together and looks up at him shyly.
“That’s the difference between us Lex, I never want to have someone else.” He says before turning around and opening his car door.
“I’m sorry” she calls out as he goes to get in his car.
He looks down, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath before turning back to face her.
“So am I” he whispers before getting in his car, starting the engine and driving off, not taking his eyes from her reflection in his rear view mirror until she’s out of sight.
“I love you.” He whispers as he watches her gradually get smaller and smaller.
“I love you.” She breathes as she watches him get further and further away.
17th March 2013
He didn’t hear from her or see her after the Christmas party. He never stopped thinking about her of course, he felt like most of his head was filled with thoughts and memories and wishes for her to come back to him.
He’s sitting in a small coffee shop, looking out to the busy streets of LA when she calls. He smiles as her name comes up on his phone.
“Kaz!” He beams as he answers the phone, expecting to hear an insulting greeting or sarcastic comment, but instead he gets a panicked voice and fast talking.
“Whoa, Kaz slow down, what’s up?” He asks, not understanding a word she’s saying.
“Where are you?” She all but shouts down the phone and he realises something really is wrong.
“I’m at that little coffee shop on Highland Avenue, why, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” He replies, paying for his coffee and walking out of the shop, with a feeling that he might be needed elsewhere.
“It’s Alex,” she says in a rushed tone and instantly his heart sinks. He drops his coffee in fear that something’s happened to her, that she’s been hurt. He can’t form the words to ask what’s happened or where she is or if she’s okay. He just stands there, regretting that he hadn’t gone after her and found her that day. Hating himself for not getting her back whatever it took.
“Matt, I don’t know what’s wrong with her or what’s happened but I just- we were supposed to meet yesterday to go shopping. We had been planning it for ages, but she didn’t show. I called her so many times and left so many messages, and I called everyone else I could think of. I left it overnight thinking I was just being typically over dramatic and there was a good explanation for it but then- in the morning there was nothing. No text, no missed call. So I panicked and got her spare key off Arthur and we went over there. When we got there, there was no sign of Alex, so we looked around. For clues of where she might be and then- we found something.” She pauses after rushing through as quickly as she could and by that time, Matt found the ability to form words.
“What- Karen what did you find? Where is she Karen?” he asks frantically.
“I don’t- I don’t know where she is Matt, that’s why I’m calling you. We, well we found a letter, it was addressed to you.” She says in a quiet voice sounding unsure of herself, as if she didn’t want to say what she knew she had to.
Matt remembers when Alex had told him a story about when her first marriage had ended and how she had felt so low that she – no.
“What did it say? Karen, what did the letter say?!” he shouts down the phone.
“It said-“ her voice wavers, “It says:
Matt,
If anyone could have saved me, it would have been you.
Alex.”
Instantly he panics, before remembering something important and breathing a sigh of relief.
“I know where she is.” He says hanging up the phone and running to his car.
17th March 2011
They sit, watching the sunset and listening to the waves break on the Shaw and it’s all he has ever wanted, and he hopes that it’s all she wants. It’s moments like these that he cherishes most, when they’re sitting together or laying together and there’s just silence between them but it still expresses how much they love each other.
She lays her head on his lap and twiddles one of the buttons on his shirt as he brushes his hand through her curls.
“Matt” she says quietly, closing her eyes as he plays with her hair.
“Yes sweetheart?” he replies leaning over to place a soft kiss to her lips.
She opens her eyes, smiling up at him, before a sort of sadness washes over her face.
“What if we lose each other along the way? What if something goes wrong?” She says, her eyes radiating a sadness that he cannot bare to see.
“Hey,” he says lightly, taking her waist and pulling her up so she sits on his lap, legs either side of his, facing him properly. “I will try my damndest, to make sure that that does not happen. But if for some reason, we do lose each other, I will find you again.” He says placing a hand either side of her face and pulling her towards him to kiss her passionately.
She clings to his shirt and he feels a tear slip from her face to his. Pulling back, he wipes her face with his thumb and brushes her hair behind her ear.
“But what if you can’t find me?” She asks and he smiles at her.
“We’ll meet here.” He says running his hands down her side. “If ever you get lost, or scared then come here and I will always come and find you okay?” He breathes placing his forehead against hers.
“Okay.” She whispers, smiling brightly at him.
“And you’ll save me right?” she adds and he nods.
“I will always be here to save you.”
17th March 2013
“I still intend on saving you.” he says in a tone of calmness he didn’t actually posses. He watched as her head swung around and she leaped off of the sand, tears streaming down her face. “I’ve been looking for you.” He says taking a small step towards her, but leaving a distance he wishes wasn’t there.
“I got a bit lost” she says quietly, looking up at him shyly and trying her hardest to wipe the tears from her eyes.
“Oh Lex,” he whispers, looking at her with such sadness in his eyes because he didn’t save her and it breaks his heart. Before he can say another word, she runs towards him and jumps into his arms, wrapping her hands around his neck and hiding her face in his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry,” she cries as he wraps his arms around her and holds her as tightly as he possibly can, breathing her in and feeling like he’s home for the first time in months. “I just- I got scared Matt and I didn’t know what to do, so I ran. And it was stupid of me, I just- I thought you would come after me.” She breathes, her voice wavering throughout.
Placing her on the ground, his arms remaining tight around her waist he presses a kiss to her temple. “I’m the one that's sorry Alex, I really am I just- I never really understood it, it wasn't over for me, this whole time it wasn't over because it just didn't seem real and i was just waiting for you to show up at home like in those ridiculous movies and fall in to my arms. I didn’t think you wanted me too come after you and I just wanted you to be happy and I thought letting you go would make you happy.” He says pressing his forehead against hers.
“Oh darling,” she breathes, “it couldn’t have made me more miserable. I’ve been so lost” she cries, tears continuously streaming down her face.
“So have I,” he breathes; “And I am so sorry that I didn’t find you sooner. I’ve missed you so much it’s just- it’s been so hard and I’ve thought about you every minute. I never stopped thinking about you. There’s been a part of me missing ever since you left.” He murmurs, wiping tears from her face.
Suddenly she steps back, looking uncertain about something.
“I’m sorry Matt, I am so, so sorry and I don’t- I mean I don’t expect you to stay. You don’t have to look after me anymore.” She says looking down at the white sand under her feet.
Walking towards her once more, he places his hands either side of her face, “Of course I have to look after you. You are my world. I could never love anyone the way I love you. I’d follow you across the universe.”
“You won’t have too.” She explains, “I don’t intend on running away anymore. This is it now, if you still want me that is.”
He smiles brightly, and almost laughs because she’s so impossible and crazy if she ever thinks he will stop wanting her.
“I will always want you.” He assures her, pulling her towards him and kissing her with everything he has, trying to portray how much he has missed her and how much he loves her through one kiss.
Alex moans in to his mouth before wrapping her legs around his waist as he hauls her up.
“I love you” she breathes between heated kisses.
“I love you back” he says breathlessly.
The next thing they know, they lay on the deserted beach, wrapped up in each other, breathless and glowing.
“Never leave me again” he whispers in to her ear, “I couldn’t survive it.”
She leans up and places a kiss to his chin, “Neither could I” she replies, smiling sleepily.
“I will always love you” he says, running his hands down her sweat slicked back.
“What about when there’s a storm and the power goes out?” she asks biting her bottom lip.
Tilting her chin up, he looks into her eyes with so much love and adoration it almost scares her, almost.
“I am always here to hold your hand ok?” He says interlacing his fingers with hers, “I will hold you through the storm and I won’t even stop when the power comes back on. I love you okay?”
“Okay.” She smiles, leaning up to place a feather light kiss to his neck.
“Do you want to go home?” She asks, although she snuggles into him further.
“I’m already there.” He replies, tightening his arms around her and promising to never let go again.