Chapter Text
Alex opened the false-inside potted plant on her fire escape by lifting up the bamboo stem to reveal the secret compartment inside.
Marlboro Ultra Lights.
She already had finished one pour of scotch inside, now settling in to watch the street below with the cigarettes that she hid mostly from Kara, so they would be available for nights like this.
For nights when Alex Danvers knew she was a fucking failure.
Alex has grown accustomed to things going wrong. Badly wrong. Wrong enough that J’onn makes it a point to tell her it’ll be okay, and that it wasn’t her fault.
When Alex watches someone get killed right in front of her because of an alien hostile that she, and she alone was responsible for tracking, sometimes, not always—but sometimes, Alex ends up on the fire escape. With her secret stash, and a not-so-secret drink. Alex at least some months ago brought out a little battery-powered camping style lamp, so she wouldn’t be above ground in complete darkness.
Of course, he tells me it’s not my fault. It’s his job to be a patronizing son of a bitch. Otherwise he’d have to fire me for negligence.
Alex laughed out loud to herself on that one, finishing her second drink, reaching over to light a cigarette. It was a habit that Alex picked up in college when she was having a sad night and never looked back, keeping it to occasional usage when she was sitting on her fire escape, spiraling out of control.
First inhale is the worst. Alex knew she had to get past the initial taste for the hit of the nicotine to take the edge off.
What scared Alex was that there were multiple opportunities in her line of work where she could truly, truly fuck up. What if there was a mission where there wasn’t the loss of a life due to being misled, a mistake that anyone could have made, but one where there was a significant loss of life?
If Kara was hurt.
If she finally screwed up enough that J’onn no longer humored her with “it’s not your fault” or “we tried, that’s all we could do.”
Because if she fucked up beyond repair, if she truly thought about it, she had nothing. Her father was dead. Her mother treated her like her only purpose on this planet was to protect her sister.
That always amazed Alex. How on earth did they know to make a child, to make sure there was someone to protect a forthcoming, yet to be conceived child? At no point did Alex ever feel like her mother regarded her as a full person who existed separate from Kara.
Alex never did well with friends. As soon as she started working at the DEO and stopped going out to the bars, her bar friends were suddenly less interested in spending time with her. Anyone outside of the bars she had to lie to, and they eventually would get tired of Alex being the one who always cancelled plans.
Alex laughed to herself, lighting a second cigarette. It’s how she paced herself with the drinking. She was okay with being hung over tomorrow, she was taking the day off anyway. She was not okay with spending the day puking.
She only sat out on the fire escape when she felt completely and utterly alone. It was somewhat relaxing to sit and watch the streets below, from so many stories above.
What if everyone at the DEO finally had enough of her?
Alex Danvers, found incompetent and unfit to serve.
Alex rolled her eyes. Would she walk in the door, and say to the cat, “Whiskers, Mommy’s fired?”
I don’t even have a cat.
Alex poured another drink, reminding herself that if it weren’t for Kara, she wouldn’t bother keeping herself around. The decision to give up a lucrative career at a teaching hospital, possibly curing every disease known to human and alienkind to keep watch over Kara should say something.
Kara, who earlier, echoed J’onn’s “not your fault” sentiment. Alex had responded with a resounding, “I want to go home.”
Which Kara knew really meant, “I want to go home and be alone tonight.”
Alex felt the fire escape dip, with the feeling of another’s weight pressing on the structure.
Alex immediately froze, the hair on the back of her neck standing up straight. She kept her body still, her breathing inaudible, but moved her eyes around.
Of course, I didn’t think to bring a weapon.
“I frightened you.” A voice says from the floor above. A woman’s voice. It didn’t sound threatening, just observant.
Alex was immediately suspicious, as in the entire four years she’d lived in this apartment, nobody ever sat out on the fire escape like she did. And what was further arousing Alex’s suspicions was that feeling the weight on the escape was not predicated by the sound of a window opening.
Which meant Alex couldn’t account for how her uninvited guest ended up here.
“What makes you say that?” Alex looks down at the brown liquid swirling in the clear glass. She hadn’t even though to put in an ice cube before climbing out, of course she wouldn’t have remembered a gun.
“Your heartrate spiked.”
Alex was now most certainly on high alert.
Alien. Just my luck.
“Forgive me, please. I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s just…”
Alex laughed to herself. Of course, after a day of bad decisions, she’d climb out ten stories above the light evening traffic and make another one.
“You used to only come out here once every few days. Now, it seems like it’s every other day. I was curious.”
An alien who’s been watching me. Well, I walked right into this one. Let’s keep making poor decisions, Agent Danvers.
Alex downed the rest of her drink, getting up.
“What are you doing?” The woman asked, sitting down on the level above Alex.
“Well, if I walked into a lions’ den of my own making, I’m at least having one more drink, before whatever is about to happen happens.” Alex laughed cynically, walking over to the side she had ditched the bottle on, pouring herself more…one more? Really two?
At this point, there was no further point in keeping track of how many she was having.
Alex looked up at the intruder, the bright, piercing hazel eyes and perfectly placed curls, accentuating a strong yet soft jawline was most certainly not what Alex had expected. It stunned her for a moment.
She figured this was an alien, so she expected a blue head.
Fins.
Flipper ears.
Something, anything but someone so human looking that it would give Kara a run for her money.
Anything but breathtaking.
Alex realized she was staring when the woman’s mouth pulled into a smirk, causing Alex to quickly jerk her gaze away. The Agent was certain then that she would be pouring herself several more drinks that evening, which was usually her reaction whenever she saw another woman that she wanted to kiss.
It was another part of her she had gotten used to burying, whether out of fear or familial duty, she couldn’t tell. But she knew she felt it. It situated itself on the list of feelings Alex experienced that she didn’t know how to deal with.
“This is very forward of me, but I thought maybe one of these nights I could try a glass of whatever you’re having?” Alex’s head snapped back up, smirk still firmly in place, the woman not appearing to pose any threat.
Other than seeming to be someone who went fire-escape-hopping in the darkness after 10 pm.
Alex shrugged.
If I’m being targeted by an alien, at least she might have good taste. What the fuck.
“Sure. Wait here a sec.”
Alex popped back inside, tucking a small hunting knife into her sock before grabbing a second glass from the kitchen.
Alex hopped back out, seeing the alien was now on her level.
The woman was slightly taller than her, slightly more muscular, but exponentially more poised, shoulders positioned for confidence as though it were part of her outfit.
“I hope you like MacAllen.” Alex poured a generous single for her new window buddy, topping her own off with a splash. She motioned for the alien to have a seat, which she did, positioning herself to the right side, legs out in front of her, facing Alex.
“I shall soon see. I’ve been curious, all these times you’ve been out here, and I’ve wondered what this is. Why it’s so…comforting. Why you need to come outside to drink it.”
“You’ve never had alcohol?” She watched as the woman took a generous gulp, seemingly regretting it as soon as it was in her mouth.
She scrunched up her face, forcing it down with a swallow.
“It’s rancid.” She said, shuddering, looking down at the liquid. “Are you sure this hasn’t gone bad?”
“You’ve never had alcohol.” Alex said this time as a statement.
The woman shrugged. “And I just learned that I wasn’t missing anything. Although to be fair, I have had Ale before, we just don’t make anything stronger where I come from.”
“Which would be…” Alex fished not-so-subtly.
“One step at a time, Bright One.” Alex laughed at the nickname, her logical nature finding it silly, but her logical nature didn’t control the blush that creeped up to her ears from hearing the term of endearment from someone so strikingly attractive.
Oh boy.
“Fine, then. How about names. I’m Alex.” The agent stuck out her hand before she realized that meant she would be touching this woman.
Suddenly routine introductions seemed more intimate than prodding into personal history.
“My name is Astra.” A strong, soft hand intertwined around Alex’s, wrapping itself around Alex’s skin slowly, taking the time to shake in a way that was more of a motion of holding hands for three too long and not-long-enough seconds.
“I am deducing from this conversation that you’ve been watching me out here. Is that right?”
Astra’s gaze held steady, as though she was learning more about Alex from studying her face than her line of questioning.
The soft glow of the lamp made this Astra person’s cheekbones appear to shimmer, as the metal frame makeshift balcony felt less like the lion’s den, the foot between the two women feeling like mere inches.
A nod confirmed as much. It was then that Alex noticed a silver streak through the woman’s hair, which made no sense to Alex. The woman was dressed not unlike Alex dressed for light combat—just in a one piece zip up instead of Alex’s preferred earth-style two piece. Nothing pointed to “hippie with random hair dyed pieces”
Then again, nothing about the woman’s appearance screamed “dangerous stalker”. Instead, it screamed lost alien.
Not every alien needs to be hunted. Alex needed to reminder herself of this.
Just most of them.
“Why would someone drink something so terrible?” Astra asked genuinely.
“It’s an acquired taste, that’s for sure. But it’s effects outweigh any initial taste barrier.” Alex looked down at her own drink. If this woman thought her most expensive scotch wasn’t worth her time, she was glad she wasn’t attempting to woo her with the plastic bottle that lives next to it on the inside shelf.
Woo-ing? Is that what was really going to happen?
Not likely.
Astra noticed Alex’s face fall, as though she had just lost some internal battle that she was never aware of in the first place.
“Well, if it’s the effects that we’re after, then it seems I have some catching up to do.” Astra downed the rest of her drink, motioning towards the bottle on Alex’s other side. “How many do I need to catch up to you.”
Alex smiled, shaking her head. “Oh no. Maybe just one more for you. I have a tolerance built up. You’re new to this.” Astra kept her hand extended, clearly expecting the goods to be handed over to her anyway. She waited patiently, with a tight smile. Eventually Alex relinquished, handing the bottle over to let Astra pour herself another one.
The alien poured the equivalent of three shots, downing them all in one big, unappealing gulp.
“Astra.” Alex gasped, learning then that the attractive woman’s name wasn’t something that was spoken so much as breathed.
“Am I catching up?”
“Why are you out here on the fire escape?” Alex asked boldly, noticing it didn’t make the smile on Astra’s face fade any, so she figured she was still within bounds.
“Are you willing to answer the same questions you pose to me this evening?” Astra bantered back, her side touching into Alex’s.
Alex hadn’t even noticed when they moved to sit right next to each other, touching sides. The older Danvers used knocking into Astra playfully with her arm as an excuse for more contact.
Touching Astra’s side wasn’t any less intoxicating than touching her hand, despite the cloth barriers.
“I suppose that’s only fair. I come out here when I’m upset and I want to be alone.”
“Well, then clearly you are a failure.”
“Excuse me?” Alex asked, unable to stop herself from smiling confusedly at the alien.
“Not only are you not alone, but you no longer appear upset.”
“Maybe I have a new reason to be out here now.” The scotch certainly wasn’t stopping Alex’s blush, but it also wasn’t doing anything to stop her mouth.
“I’m glad if you do. I was out here because I like to be out at night, also when I want to be alone. When I’m worried. Fresh, cool night air calms me. The first time I saw you out here was a few weeks ago, and…you intrigue me. I’ve made it a habit to pass by here whenever I’m out. The frequency of your poison breaks,” Astra held up the bottle of menacingly brown liquid, “was increasing. It worried me.”
“Well.” Alex swallowed. If the bold train was leaving the station, Alex saw no reason to pull it back in now. “You intrigue me as well.”
The smile that shone back at Alex made the nerve that it required worth it.
“Another?” Astra offered, now clearly deciding she alone would be in charge of the bottle.
“Please.” Alex agreed, holding out her glass. If only she could stop staring at curls and a chin and piercing yet soft eyes, if only she could never have a reason for her shoulder to stop touching a shoulder.
Alex suddenly went from hoping for a few hard drinks and an early evening, to hoping the sun never came up, her evening with the new alien for as long as possible.