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“Fuck.” That was the one word that kept running through Bressie’s mind over and over again. Just fuck. He knew he had gotten a bit lax with his birth control since Niall went off on tour, and maybe there had been some enthusiastic humping when Bressie went out to see him for a couple of tour dates, but they always made sure to use condoms. Always. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hears Rachel tell Ross that condoms only work 97% of the time, which sets off another round of curse words.
He doesn’t care that he’s probably about to start half a dozen rumours as he heads straight for the pregnancy tests at Boots. Christ, why did there have to be so many different kinds? Not knowing what kind to get (it had been a couple of weeks since he left Niall in Munich, did that count as early detection?) he picked up a couple of different brands and headed for the register, a sympathetic look from the girl behind the counter as she scanned the test and handed him a voucher for pregnancy supplements “just in case”. Fumbling with his card and the bag, Bressie all but legged it out of the shop and back into his car.
It’s funny how he had felt an urgency to go out and buy the tests but now, now that he had them all lined up in front of him by the bathroom sink, he couldn’t help but think that maybe he shouldn’t be doing this alone. He didn’t know what he feared the most - a positive or a negative. You could argue that they were too young (Niall), or the timing was bad (again, Niall), or that there were too many risks involved (him), but Bressie knew that he wanted children more than anything in the world.
It’s not like there would ever be the perfect time for it either, not with both of them still being in and out of studios, and his commitment to bringing awareness to mental health issues. Either way he decided that he couldn’t do this alone. But what do you do when the one you want to hold your hand isn’t there to do it?
The dread of having to tell Niall about his suspicions made him sick to his stomach (oh the irony), but he saw no other way. If the roles had been reversed, he would have liked to have known. Sending off a quick text with the word “Skype?” Bressie walked back into the bedroom and started making the bed to keep himself busy. It didn’t take long before he got a reply and he quickly logged into his account, waiting for Niall to get online.
“Hey.”
Seeing Niall’s tired smile makes something in his chest ease up and he finds himself smiling back. “Hey chief. Did I wake you?”
Niall’s fist rubbing his eye betrays him. “I’ve always got time for you. What’s up? You don’t usually wanna skype in the middle of the day.”
Leaning out of shot as he retrieves the Boots bag, Bressie tries to clear his throat. “Remember how I said that I thought I’d gotten a stomach bug or something? Well, I think it might be something else…” Not trusting his voice he dumps out the contents of the bag and holds up one of the boxes for Niall to see.
Any other day Bressie would have laughed at the way Niall had suddenly sat up, reminding him of a meerkat. “Is that what I think it is?” Bressie could only nod in reply. “You’re not kidding with me, right? Because I don’t think I could take it if you were.”
His laughs comes out a bit wet, but he feels relieved that at least Niall’s first instinct isn’t to run. And right then and there, his mind is made up - he needs these tests to be positive. “I guess there’s only one way to find out.” He pauses knowing that he probably wouldn’t admit this to anyone else, “But I’m scared to do it alone.”
“You could always bring the laptop, I hear lots of couples do the testing together.” The playfulness is evident from his grin, but Bressie knows he would do it in a heartbeat if needed.
“Thanks for the offer, chief, but you’re sitting this one out.” Moving the laptop a bit so the open door to the ensuite came into view, he picked up the tests. “I wouldn’t mind you keeping me company, maybe?”
As Niall rambles on about one thing or the other that the band had done last night, Bressie carefully lays out the instructions of each test and tries not to freak out as he takes the test. Washing his hands he comes back and doesn’t miss the low “Jesus” coming from Niall at the sight of the tests.
“I didn’t know which one to get so….” Bressie just shrugs and hopes that’s enough explanation.
When Niall tells him that time is up, Bressie can’t make himself look down and check the result. Instead, he looks straight at Niall and asks the question he’s been dreading since their conversation started, “What if I’m not pregnant?”
Niall’s eyes soften and his voice lowers as he looks straight at the camera. “Then, we keep trying, pet, simple as that.” And maybe it really is that simple, even if Bressie knows these things rarely are.
Picking up first one and finally all five, he feels his smile widen to ridiculous proportions. They’re all positive. There’s no doubt about it; he’s pregnant. If the yelling from Niall’s end is anything to go by, he isn’t the only one who can’t believe their luck.
-----
The first thing Bressie does after the doctor confirms what he already knew is download a pregnancy tracker for his phone. He always keeps a pin on his phone, but he can’t help but hide the app on the last page, just in case anyone was to glance at his phone. He feels a bit silly hiding it like that, but they haven’t told anyone so really, the only logical thing is to hide the app.
The second thing he does is text Niall a baby emoji and the number 6 before settling down for a nap on the sofa knowing that Niall probably won’t see it for a while. Several dings wakes him up some time later signalling that Niall definitely got the message. The process of Niall’s texts makes him laugh out loud.
Baby! Yay!
Wait, 6 babies?
We’re having 6 babies?!
Is that even possible?
We’ll need a bigger house
Christ, how are we going to feed them all?
Shaking his head Bressie decides to ring Niall instead of trying to calm him down over text. The phone barely rings before there’s an answer from an excited Niall who answers with a quick, “Hello, Baby Daddy.”
“We’re really having a baby.” Bressie can’t help the slight tremor in his voice. “Only one though,” he hastens to add, “One baby, six weeks pregnant. That’s what I was trying to convey, faoin.”
The smile is evident in Niall’s voice. “One is more than enough, one is just perfect.”
Bressie can hear tapping in the background, but doesn’t question it as he pushes up his t-shirt and looks down at his still flat stomach. There’s a slight tremble of nervous energy under his skin at the thought of how his body will change to accommodate this new human being. The thought of not being in control of his own body scares him.
What if he won’t be able to cope? He knows he could never harm the baby - their baby - but he also knows the ability of the mind to play tricks on you. He can’t help caressing the skin of his abdomen with his thumb even if he knows it’s silly doing so this early in the pregnancy. He knows Niall has only ever seen him in this body, what will he think of the changes that are bound to happen?
“A lentil?” The voice brings him out of his own head and back to the phone conversation he’s supposed to be having. “It says here in this app that our baby is the size of a lentil. That doesn’t sound very appealing. Couldn’t they have gone for something tastier?”
Shaking the previous thoughts from his head, he tries to process what Niall’s saying. “I don’t think you’re supposed to want to eat your baby.”
“Probably not.” Niall’s voice is softer as he continues, “I still think our baby is much better than a lentil. Can you do something for me? Can you send me updates on your stomach? You know, like those pregnancy photos people take to show progress?”
“You do realise there’s nothing to see, right? I mean, it’s just my stomach, looks the same as always.”
“I know! It’s just that I know I can’t be there, but I still want to know what changes are happening, even if it’s nothing.You can always just send me nudes if that makes it easier.”
The ease with which Niall could go from serious to a cocky little shit never ceased to amuse him, which is part of the reason why Niall will do it, he’s sure. “Photos of the imaginary bump, got it. Just don’t come crying to me when you realise there’s nothing to see, Horan.”
“I will study every photo in so much detail, I’ll be able to see our little lentil in no time, Breslin.”
“You idiot.”
“Yup. I have to go, Brez, seriously though, I want to know everything, even if you think it’s stupid. It won’t be stupid to me, I promise.” Bressie nearly didn’t catch the mumbled, “Nothing could be more ridiculous than calling our baby a lentil anyway,” before they both rang off.
Taking the profile picture and sending it off as promised, he could help but pat his stomach. “Your other dad’s not too bad, it’s his friends you should worry about.” Or maybe me, he thought; 6 weeks pregnant and already growing mad, it would be a long 9 months.
----
Bressie supposes that What to Expect When You’re Expecting was supposed to keep you calm through your pregnancy by explaining - in too much detail, if you asked him - what your body was going through, and how people have been giving birth for millions of years. Instead he considered it the worst possible horror book ever written.
He could get on board with the eating healthy bit - even tried out a couple of the offered recipes with mixed result - and the gentle exercise ideas were not too bad, but the descriptions of how he should be feeling? Whatever person came up with the phrase “tingly and achey” should be forced to eat their own words
Of course, once he found out that it was “all part of your body getting ready to provide for your baby” and what not, his face went pale at the thought of breastfeeding. As much as the thought of his body changing scared him, reading about cracked nipples and breastfeeding was quite possibly even worse.
I did not sign up for a Horan chewing on my nipples!
???
With my luck the baby will have your appetite. Stupid tits seem to think so.
You have tits?
Show me!
Please?
This was not where he had thought things were going, but Bressie knew how bad Niall felt for missing out on “all the bits” as he’d put it. At first he’d been embarrassed to send photos of his stomach, but Niall had reciprocated by sending profile shots of his own stomach (“It’ll make an ace baby book, Brez.”), which had made Bressie laugh and made him look forward to their weekly exchange. So taking his top off and taking a photo of his slightly larger chest didn’t really bother him at this point.
It’s like baby’s own little lunch box. Cute.
See how cute you think it is when I send you off to get nipple cream in the middle of the night.
Anything for daddy x
----
True to his word, Niall had arrived back in time for their first scan even if it meant having to push things around. Nothing could have prepared them for the emotions of hearing their baby’s heartbeat for the first time or seeing the little blob on the screen or better yet, being told that Baby Breslin was healthy and developing in accordance with the chart.
The use of the name “Baby Breslin” caused Bressie to frown. No-one had asked them how they wanted to address the baby, and now he or she was already branded a Breslin?
When they arrived back to the house, Bressie still hadn’t been able to shift the frown that seemed to have permanently marked his face. He knew he should be happy seeing their little baby healthy and doing well, but for some reason the label saying “Baby Breslin” was bothering him more than he thought it should.
With a gentle push to his lower back, Niall guided him towards the sofa and made him sit down before he himself took a seat on the coffee table.
“What’s wrong, pet?”
Part of Bressie hated that Niall for some reason thought he needed to be gentle with him. Part of him wanted to scream at the world that he wasn’t made of china just because he was carrying a child, but he knew Niall didn’t deserve it.
He held up the envelope containing the pictures from the scan and pointed out the label to Niall. “I like my name, and god knows people get confused enough as it is, but Baby Breslin? Why not Baby Horan? This is as much your baby as it is mine, but the world doesn’t seem care about that.” Bressie’s speech was interrupted by Niall leaning forward and gently kissing him. The kiss made him relax and reach for Niall, who slid forward into the bigger man’s lap.
Resting his hand on Bressie’s stomach and rubbing comforting circles into the skin, Niall looked up at him with a crooked smile. “You should just take my name and I’ll take yours, and then no-one will have to wonder if it’s really my baby.”
The thought made Bressie chuckle. “Can you imagine people’s faces when we introduce ourselves? They’ll think we’ve gone off our rockers.”
“Exactly, there is one flaw to that idea though.”
“Just the one?”
“Shut up, you idiot, yes, just the one; I’ve always thought that whenever I had kids, we would all have the same last name.”
“Won’t having two Niall Horans in the same family get a bit confusing?”
“It would, but I’m not asking you to change your name for me. How do you feel about Baby Horan-Breslin? That way no-one will ever be in doubt that this baby is half you and half me.”
Mulling over the idea, Bressie repeated the name to himself. “Horan-Breslin, I like that. I really like that.”
“Then it’s settled.” Giving him a quick peck Niall got up and grabbed a pen and crossed out “Baby Breslin” on the papers from the hospital and instead put in, “Nugget Horan-Breslin” and handed the envelope over.
”We’re not calling the baby `Nugget`.”
“Why not? People love nuggets”
“Because I don’t want to think about people eating my baby everytime I hear a bloody McDonald’s ad.”
Shrugging Niall reached for the envelope again, “I always thought of him or her more like a gold nugget because, you know, it’s precious and all.”
“Oh.”
“Wait, are you crying?”
----
Bressie had been so caught up in all the changes his body was going through and preparing for the arrival of Nugget, which was thankfully still months away because he hadn’t even bought half the things the book told him he needed, that he hadn’t even thought about how they would give the news to their friends and family. He wrote down a note to himself to bring it up at their next Skype session.
It had become a daily ritual that Bressie found himself looking forward to. In the beginning it was mostly a way to touch base and let Niall know about appointments, and let him see for himself that Bressie wasn’t lying about being okay. Slowly it developed into what Niall would call “Nugget bonding time”, and he spent less time talking to Bressie and more time talking to Nugget and singing to it.
Bressie had found himself waking up to a black screen and a text message telling him Niall had to go, so he’d made it a habit of getting comfy on the bed before a call, letting the soft words lulling him into a peaceful sleep, that would more often than not be interrupted by his need to go to the bathroom - he was convinced Nugget would be footballer or bokser with the way they insisted on using his bladder for practice.
Telling their families had gone more smoothly than they had hoped. It was telling their friends that proved to be the more difficult part. Not so much the telling, for the most part everyone was happy for them, but the looks of disbelief at Bressie being the pregnant one was starting to get to him. Not because it bothered him, but because he could see the brief frown on Niall’s face whenever someone would bring it up. Niall would deny it if confronted with the issue, but Bressie knew how much it bothered him.
The lads had always teased them a bit about the size difference and who the “natural top” was and although Niall never said anything, the small huffs of annoyance and the quick way he would change the subject spoke volumes. You would think the fact that Bressie was the pregnant one would shut them up, but instead it only seemed to fuel the disbelief and make them joke about Bressie playing away.
Seeing the boy he loved withdraw whenever they spent time with their friends got too much for Bressie, especially now that he had to suffer through the ribbing sober (God, had their friends always been this idiotic?).
Maybe slamming his fist onto the table and declaring that he, Niall Breslin, loved getting it up the arse wasn’t the best approach, but it had worked and at least people had had the decency to apologize for their words. If Niall had jumped him with a bit more enthusiasm than usual as soon as they were alone, well, that was just a bonus. A possessive, happy Niall always aimed to give new meaning to the words “thoroughly fucked”.
-----
Although the book claimed that Bressie would be the one to experience a need to nest, Niall was the one who seemed set on getting the house ready for Nugget, insisting that they couldn’t just buy furniture and put it in one of the spare bedrooms and call it a nursery. Instead he insisted on getting the room painted and redecorated and would shoot down any suggestions of getting professionals to do the job.
When he had shrugged and said “something cute?” to the question of what theme the nursery should have, Niall had looked at him in disbelief and walked away muttering something about shamrocks and leprechauns.
That is how Bressie found himself with a boyband in his spare bedroom discussing swatches and themes and non toxic paint. In the end they came up with three different concepts and mood boards for him to choose between (he couldn’t tell who was most excited about the use of mood boards; Niall or Harry). In the end the idea of having one wall a dark blue and painting constellations onto it had easily won him over.
Bressie had grumbled and complained about having to do the painting themselves, but come Friday morning, Niall had covered the floor of the nursery and had started painting the nursery a light grey. Smiling at the sight, Bressie had insisted on helping and maybe he was starting to feel the urge to nest, but Niall didn’t need to know that.
If you ask Niall, it had all started by accident - he didn’t mean to splash Bressie with paint - but soon they found themselves in a full out paint war ending up with Niall on his back crying out for mercy (he really should have thought his plan to give Bressie the roller through). After calling a truce and finishing up the job, Bressie had taken off his now paint covered t-shirt trying not to get any more paint on himself.
He should have been suspicious when Niall had gone quiet, but he hadn’t been prepared for the swift brush strokes to his stomach made by a giggling Niall. Looking down at his stomach he had to laugh himself. The photo of him laughing and looking down at the smiley painted on his very pregnant stomach was the first thing they put up in the completed nursery.
----
Neither of them had felt ready when Nugget decided to make an appearance, but then again, no-one is ever prepared for their life to change completely. Watching Niall hold their little precious girl Bressie couldn’t believe why he had ever doubted that this is what he wanted more than anything.