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They were sitting on the bench. The bench on which they had every other of their important talks. When Isak told Jonas that he had been sleeping in the basement at Noora's because home had become too much. When he told him that he liked a boy named Even. And now.
Of course, Jonas had always been the paragon of understanding. Totally accepting even, trying his hardest to make him feel like there was nothing that could ever come in between them.
But maybe this could. Isak knew that Jonas already realized that something was up. They were both absolutely silent. Jonas was probably waiting for him to start somewhere.
His phone vibrated. It was Even, asking if he was alright. Isak quickly wrote back. 'Haven't told him yet'.
Isak took a deep breath. He felt his hands shake when he put his phone back in his pocket.
"I have to tell you something."
"Yeah,", Jonas nodded. "I knew that."
A few seconds passed. "Remember when you first were with Eva?", Isak said. He didn't know where exactly to start.
"Sure."
Isak cursed silently. Fucking hell, Jonas definitely didn't make this any easier.
"I never wanted to hurt either of you, Jonas, you have to believe me. I was just so jealous and I.. And I know this isn't an excuse but..", he started, then stopped himself at Jonas incredulous look.
"Bro, what are you talking about?", Jonas asked slowly.
Isak felt tears forming in his eyes. He had promised himself not to cry, that would just not do. Not now. Maybe later when Jonas had declared their friendship as over and he was safely at home. Preferably at Even's side.
"I was the one spreading the story of Eva hooking up with Chris. She..", he slowly breathed through his nose. "She trusted me and I told her not to tell you about it. I told her I would never say anything about it. Not to you or anyone else. That I was 'Team Jonas'"
He said that last bit in a childish, high pitched voice. "And then you were so happy with her after that and I was not."
Isak laughed wetly and rubbed his eyes. "Mamma had gotten in her head that the world would end soon, remember? I mean she was always not quite.. but she was Mamma. And Pappa didn't do anything and was away all the time. And then there were you and you were always so nice to me. I was already so afraid because Mamma's bible said it was a sin to be like me and you were safe, you know."
Isak waited for a reaction. He didn't dare to look up at Jonas. When nothing came, he started talking again. "You were happy with Eva, so in my mind that was okay because you were just supposed to be safe. And when she told me I just stopped thinking. I went to Penetrator Chris girlfriend then and told her about it."
There was a loose thread on his jacket sleeve and he fiddled with it for a while.
"She thought that I was the boyfriend, not you. Which is why everyone was saying that her boyfriend told Iben, which meant Eva's, not hers. And then I thought, fuck, you would be angry if you found out I knew without telling you. We all know by now that I'm not a good liar. And then I told you that I heard that rumour from Elias. It all just spiraled out of control."
Isak wiped his nose with his sleeve. He could see Even in front of him, raising his eyebrow at his awful habits.
"Now you know. It's all my fault. I destroyed your relationship with Eva because of my stupid crush on you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
This time he looked up to Jonas. He tried to read his face but for once Isak didn't know what his best friend was thinking. Jonas stared at him for a long while and he felt like crying again. Maybe he should call Even to come and pick him up. After this he wasn't sure if he would walk anywhere alone anytime soon.
Then Jonas clapped him on the back and nodded. "Bro, I always knew I'd be the one of all of our friends you'd have a crush on. I'm hot." He paused. "Also you're on beer buying duty as of now."
"What?" Isak stared at him blankly. This was not what he had imagined Jonas would say. That he would yell at him, maybe, or that he would just leave him sitting there. Not that he would start joking about it.
"Come on, beer awaits.", his best friend said and pulled Isak up from the bench. Another round of silence descended on them and Isak felt like he was left hanging. He shot a short message to Even. 'I think it went well?'
A few seconds later his phone dinged with the answer. 'Good. Call me if you need me. Love you.'
Isak smiled. 'Love you too.', he typed. When he hit send, Jonas coughed next to him.
"So Isak, bro, when did you realize that you liked me? Before we went to the cabin?", he asked with a shit-eating grin on his face.
"Shut up or I'm not talking to you ever again." Isak felt his cheeks redden and he swung a punch in Jonas' direction who easily side stepped it.
"Aww you hurt me, you know that?"
"Let's just get drunk. Please.", Isak said. "I need to forget that you know about that now."
"I knew no self respecting straight guy would wear skinny jeans that tight."
"I'm not impressed with your logic right now, Jonas."
Isak tried to sound annoyed but the smile on his face said the opposite. He was just so happy that Jonas was still his best friend. Nothing could ever happen to destroy their friendship, and he felt on top of the world.
Which is why, when a few hours later a decidedly drunk Jonas asked if Isak ever thought about him while jerking off, he almost didn't regret the life choices he made to lead to this situation. Almost.