Work Text:
I wanna testify
Scream in the holy light
You bring me back to life
And it's all in the name of love
-Bebe Rexha & Martin Garrix “In the Name of Love”
“You know,” Yuuri said as he scrolled through the pictures on his phone, “I think there are only one or two photos here where you aren’t looking at me.”
Yuuri lay with his head on Victor’s lap, while Victor sat up reading. They had decided to lounge around in bed for their rest day, and scenes like this were commonplace between them now. It was comfortably familiar and both of them felt a deep contentment that there was hardly words for, even given all the languages they both knew.
“Hmm?” Victor replied a little absently as he continued to run his fingers gently through Yuuri’s soft hair.
“The pictures from our last trip to Russia, I didn’t notice it at the time, but – well, look.” Yuuri said, suddenly a little flustered.
Victor reluctantly withdrew his hand from Yuuri to take the phone. He put his book down and scrolled through the pictures, unaware of the soft fond smile that formed on his lips almost as soon as he saw them. He remembered clearly how much fun they had sight seeing, how excited he was to share his country with the person he loved. It was like a dream come true. Victor thought he would have been used to that feeling by then, after training with Yuuri for so long, finding that Yuuri not only cared for him, but loved him too, and wanted to stay by his side.
It seemed that even though there were so many fantasies turned reality for Victor they would not stop surprising and exciting him. Especially when it came to Yuuri. Moments like these, quiet, pleasant moments when they could just be, sometimes felt so perfect and wonderful it was almost too much for Victor to take. If he weren’t so good at handling these feelings now he might just cry simply from how beautiful Yuuri was constantly. When Yuuri first woke up in the morning, when he grew quiet and serious when he was thinking, when he was on the ice all determination, grace, and quiet power, when he happily ate his favourite dish, when he smiled shyly at Victor, when he blinked sleepily at him as he said goodnight, and when he looked at Victor with dark passionate eyes when they spent the night not sleeping.
Victor sighed happily as he looked away from the pictures and at Yuuri instead. Yuuri was looking at him expectantly.
“Sorry, love, but what was the question again?”
Yuuri gave him a look that was part exasperation, part amusement, and part fondness. He had never admitted it, but it was obvious to Victor that Yuuri enjoyed that particular endearment.
“You almost never look at the camera in these pictures. I was going to send some to my family, but I don’t think I can now.” Yuuri replied, shaking his head a little and putting his phone down.
Victor pouted, “Why? What’s wrong with them though? It’s not like I’m making a weird face or something.”
“No, but – “
“Then?” Victor pressed, reaching out and turning Yuuri’s head slightly so he was looking up at him. Yuuri looked away.
“It’s just embarrassing,” Yuuri said softly.
Victor frowned. “How?”
“It just is,” Yuuri insisted, still not looking at Victor.
“Because they’re going to look at those pictures and see how obvious it is that I love you? I don’t see why that should be embarrassing.” Victor said frankly, now he was the one that was looking at Yuuri with part fondness, part exasperation. Personally, he was not surprised at all that those pictures had captured the fact that Victor could hardly ever take his eyes off Yuuri. “It’s not like it’s a secret. You kissed me on international TV, remember?”
Victor watched as Yuuri blushed lightly, a light pink appearing on his cheeks that was endearing and before they had started going out, completely unfathomably to Victor. Yuuri sat up and looked at him, his warm brown eyes serious.
“It doesn’t, I don’t know,” Yuuri made a vague gesture, “make you feel sort of, sort of vulnerable?”
Victor considered the question. Watching Yuuri, who now sat across from Victor, looking right back at him.
“Not really,” Victor said finally. “Is that how it makes you feel?”
Yuuri shrugged looking away. Victor shifted closer to him, folding his legs under himself so he could reach out to touch Yuuri’s knee gently.
“You know I can’t help it sometimes,” Victor said, remembering the excited kid he had been when they had first met. “But, I try to reign it in, and I thought you liked that? Or, accepted it at least…” Victor said, suddenly uncertain. It had been a long time since he had felt unsure of himself when it came to Yuuri. He almost never worried that maybe his idol, his coach, and his lover was conflating feelings of gratitude and responsibility for love. Almost.
“I do,” Yuuri said so sincerely Victor felt his heart squeeze in a pleasant, almost painful, way. Yuuri smiled a little, “You know when we first met, you kind of bugged me. I thought you were just this hyper kid who was never going to see me as a real person, just as a bunch of medals, titles, and opportunities.”
Now it was Victor’s turn to blush; past, childish hyper Victor almost ruined all his chances with Yuuri. His boyfriend reached out and swept Victor’s bangs out of his face, holding his hair back for a moment, looking at him intently. Those pictures might not have made Victor feel vulnerable, but moments like this sometimes still did. Yuuri always held his gaze so steadily.
“You grew on me,” Yuuri continued, letting go of Victor’s bangs and watching as they swept across his eye again. “It was kind of strange,” Yuuri said thoughtfully, moving his hand down to softly caress Victor’s cheek, and Victor felt every nerve in his body responding to the light touch. “It was like, one day I didn’t find your antics childish anymore, I thought they were charming, and cute. And, before I knew it, I was looking at you differently and – “ he broke off and smiled, withdrawing his hand and looking down at his lap. Victor held his breath, burning with curiosity for what Yuuri might say next. “And then I kissed you on international TV.”
Victor laughed a little breathlessly. They smiled at each other; they both knew they were thinking about the exact same thing. Victor brilliant and exhilarated flushed with happiness and exertion, turning to Yuuri triumphantly. Yuuri awed, proud, and intense, catching Victor in a kiss before he realized what he was doing.
“You never told me that before,” Victor said, still smiling.
“It never really came up,” Yuuri replied, also smiling.
“You weren’t really wrong, though,” Victor said, and Yuuri raised an eyebrow questioningly. “What you said about me, and how I saw you. It took me a while to see past the image of you I built in my head. Which was pretty hard, I’ll have you know, I grew up admiring you.” Victor thought back to the way he idolized the other man, how unrealistic the image of Yuuri he had formed in his head had been. He realized now that back then he had almost refused to acknowledge or accept Yuuri’s flaws both as a person and as a coach.
Yuuri shook his head a little and Victor pressed on, holding Yuuri’s gaze with his own. “But, I’ve probably always loved you, I just didn’t fall in love until I met you.”
Making Yuuri blush was one of Victor’s favourite things to do. It was especially great when he did it unintentionally, like just now. He would never get tired of seeing red bloom across his cheeks, or the flustered way he fidgeted, adjusting his glasses in an attempt to cover his face.
“I will never understand how you can just say things like that,” Yuuri said, holding his hands in his lap.
“I love you,” Victor explained simply.
“I know, that’s pretty baffling too.”
Victor rolled his eyes.
“Are we going to have this conversation again?” He asked, not really frustrated, but getting there.
“No,” Yuuri said firmly, “And, I love you too.” He added, making Victor smile.
“So, the pictures?” Victor ventured, finally.
Yuuri sighed a little. “I guess I’m making a big deal about nothing, huh? Sorry, Vitya, I can’t help it sometimes, you know me.” He said, running a hand through his hair, his tone self deprecating.
Victor took Yuuri’s hand, running his thumb along the back of it.
“I do know you.”
The corner of Yuuri’s mouth quirked up.
“Yeah, I suppose you do,” he said, turning his hand over in Victor’s grasp so he could give his boyfriend’s hand a gentle squeeze.
“Will you send them?” Victor asked, enjoying the feel of Yuuri’s warm hand in his.
“Some of them, yes, want to help me choose which ones?”
“Of course.”
“Good,” Yuri said, before he leaned in and kissed him. Victor wasn’t embarrassed about the pictures, and he probably never would be, but he was sometimes a little self-conscious by how easily Yuuri made him melt. Yuuri’s kiss now was sweet, soft and slow, purposeful, like it was vitally important he kiss Victor just right. Victor had learned quite some time ago that not only was Yuuri a fantastic kisser, he was also pretty handsy once he had permission to be. His hands wandered now and Victor felt his breath catch. Yuuri pulled away, the look in his eyes exciting and wonderfully familiar.
“I thought we were going to look at pictures to send your family,” Victor said, just for something to say.
Yuuri leaned back in and kissed his neck, “Later.”
Later they would look through the pictures together, and Victor would tease Yuuri that he was the only one hopelessly smitten in this relationship. Yuuri would cut off his teasing with kisses that would devolve into tickle fights. One of Victor’s greatest discoveries concerning Yuuri was that he was extremely ticklish.
Later when they were both quietly regaining their breath, wrapped up in each other’s warmth, they would both begin to think about their future together, about the life they would build, the home they would make. And, not for the first time, that it was time to give each other another gift, something gold and round that they didn’t need to complete their love, but that they desperately wanted to give each other simply because they could. Victor teased that he was the only one hopelessly smitten, but that was untrue, and they both knew it.