Archive of Our Own

Dean had been hearing the noises at night for almost a week when he finally connected them to how exhausted Cas looked at breakfast every morning. He’d only shown up at the bunker a few days earlier than the nighttime noises, and had only been basically human for a few weeks more than that. Dean was beyond worried, but was trying his hardest to not show it so that it wouldn’t make things even worse on Cas.

“Been sleeping okay, Cas?” Dean asked as the ex-angel refilled his coffee mug.

“It’s somewhat difficult to get used to. I’m not sure I’ve quite mastered it yet,” Cas said, unintentionally letting out a yawn as if to prove his point.

“It’s not something you ‘master,’ you just do it,” Dean rolled his eyes. Cas was taking forever to get used to being human, and it was starting to drive the hunter a little nuts. He never complained, though, because technically speaking he’d been doing it his whole life and Cas only started about a month ago, so he had a slightly unfair advantage there.

“I try, but I still wake up feeling like this,” Cas grumbled, then started on cup of coffee number two. If this morning was like the rest, he’d work his way through number three and probably number four as well before even considering eating anything.

“Could you be sleepwalking?” Dean asked, finishing connecting the two in his head. At the look of confusion on Cas’ face, Dean told him about the noises he’d been hearing lately.

“I… possibly?” Cas shrugged. “It would explain my exhaustion, if I’m not staying in bed when I try to sleep.”

“I’ll check on you next time I hear it, okay?” Dean offered.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said and smiled. He still looked like an unsleeping mess, but at least now he looked a little bit less stressed. Completely worth missing an hour or two of sleep, as far as Dean was concerned.

That night, just like all the others since he first noticed it, Dean heard someone walking around in the hallways. He checked his alarm clock as he got out of bed, and groaned when he saw it said 2:04AM in neon green. Anybody other than Cas, he’d just say screw it at this point, but Dean still felt guilty about the whole thing. He should’ve been able to save Cas from Metatron, but since he doesn’t have a Delorean, helping the guy with his sleepwalking problem was hopefully an okay consolation prize.

Following the noises, which had gone from walking feet to a few random crashes and bangs from one of the storage rooms, Dean finally found Cas digging through some artifacts that the Men Of Letters had collected. He knew enough about sleepwalking to know that it didn’t always involve walking, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember if it was safe or not to wake a sleepwalker. Shrugging, he went with ‘waking’ in hopes that he picked right. “Hey, uh, Cas, you gotta wake up now.”

Cas turned around and stared at him for a moment. Was it normal for a sleepwalker to have their eyes open? Dean’s confusion delayed him just enough that he didn’t notice Cas lunging towards him until it was almost too late. If he’d still been at full power, Dean would probably have been screwed, but thankfully the newly human angel was a lot weaker than he was used to being, so Dean managed to deflect him just enough to pin him on the ground without hurting him.

“Hey, you’re sleepwalking again Cas, you gotta wake up,” Dean said. The struggling stopped suddenly, replaced by laughter. Kinda creepy laughter, actually. “Cas?” Dean asked, now far more worried than when he thought it was just sleepwalking.

Cas grinned. “Cas isn’t here right now,” he said in a sing-song voice. One Dean definitely recognized. Shit…

“How?” Dean asked, tightening his hold on the leviathan. “How the fuck are you here and not dead?” He wanted to hit him, but it was Cas’ body still, so he put his venom into his words instead.

The leviathan just giggled. “Now that is a very good question, Freckles. One I wouldn’t mind getting an answer to myself, at this point.”

Dean glared. “I may not be able to hurt you, cuz you’re using my damn friend as a meat puppet at the moment, but I will find a way to make you suffer for all eternity if you don’t answer my questions,” Dean threatened. “And I always keep my promises.” He even let out a tiny growl in anger.

“Ooh, going all alpha wolf angry on me, Freckles? Kinky,” the leviathan teased, wiggling a little in Dean’s grip. Dean shook him, just enough to get him to be serious again. “Fine, jeez, kill the mood why don’t ya?” He rolled his eyes and sighed. “I think I hitched a ride back from Purgatory, okay? Don’t really remember too much til Angel Boy was all de-graced, and I only really come out when he sleeps. I was trying to find something to fix it, but these Letter guys don’t have anything good in their toy chest.”

“You’ve been here this whole time?” Dean tried to swallow the quickly growing lump in his throat.

“Naomi did a real freaking number on him, probably what kept me bottled up so long,” the leviathan said and tried to shrug. “Glad she bit it in the end, actually.” He grinned that creepy smile again and Dean couldn’t repress the shudder. “Now, as much fun as cuddle time is, Freckles, if you’d kindly get off me so I can go back to searching for a cure or whatever, I’d be ever so grateful.” He even went so far as to flutter his eyelashes. Seeing this thing use Cas like this made Dean feel legitimately sick.

“Yeah, not gonna happen,” Dean said as he dragged them both up, still keeping the leviathan as pinned as possible. He grabbed a bit of cord that was on the floor and tied the leviathan’s hands together behind his back. “You’re coming with me, so we can get rid of your ass.”

“Ooh, bondage. Didn’t realize you were so freaky, Freckles,” he teased further.

“Shut the hell up already,” Dean said. The more the leviathan talked, the harder it was to resist hitting him and potentially hurting Cas.

“That usually involves a ball gag,” the leviathan said smoothly. Can’t hit him, it’ll hurt Cas, Dean kept reminding himself. So instead, he yanked him by the shirt towards the door and dragged him to follow.

Dean didn’t even bother knocking before entering his brother’s room. “Sam, we gotta problem,” Dean announced loudly, also not bothering to pretend politeness in his panic.

Sam shot up in bed instantly awake, years of hunter training in action. “Huh? What the hell, Dean?” He gave his brother a confused look, then looked even more confused when he saw the leviathan standing behind Dean. “Why’s Cas tied up?”

The leviathan smiled and tilted his head. “Long time no see, Puppy. Still Lucifer’s bitch?” He laughed at his own attempt at a joke, making Dean’s skin crawl.

“Shit, Dean! That’s…” Sam actually jumped out of bed. Standing as far from the monster as possible, he started to grab blindly behind him for a weapon. “Do we still have borax?”

“He’s actually in Cas’ brain. Apparently he came back with him from Purgatory. Pulls a Tyler Durden when Cas falls asleep or something,” Dean said. The leviathan was just watching the whole thing, looking far too amused. Can’t hurt him, it would hurt Cas, can’t hurt him, it would hurt Cas…

“Can we, like, do an exorcism on him or something?” Sam asked, sounding a little less worried now that he had managed to find one of his bigger knives and was holding it at the ready.

“Can’t, since Cas is technically possessing the body too,” Dean said, and yanked a little harder on the leviathan’s shirt to get him to stop fidgeting so much.

“We could let him go back to his searching and stop bothering him?” The leviathan suggested sweetly.

“You’re really making me rethink that ball gag,” Dean muttered. The leviathan grinned smugly.

“Umm, Dean, what’re you… nevermind, I don’t think I want to know,” Sam said, edging his way past them, keeping as far from the leviathan as possible. “I’ll go start doing some research.”

“It’s not what it sounds like,” Dean explained, poorly, to his brother’s quickly retreating back. The leviathan just chuckled. Maybe Cas wouldn’t mind a few bruises, if it was for such a good cause.

“So, which one’s your room, Freckles? Bet we could break a bed or two before Angel Boy wakes up,” the leviathan flirted, testing Dean’s resolve like nothing else ever had. It wasn’t just the fact that it was the leviathan that had basically killed his closest friend at one point, but the fact that it was using that same friend to say things like that…

“Just, please stop talking,” Dean said softly, too tired to deal with this right now.

The leviathan tilted his head and stared at Dean. If it hadn’t been for the off expression on his face, Dean would’ve thought Cas was back, it was so like how he stared at the hunter at times. “Struck a nerve, did I?” He asked, none of his teasing insanity this time.

“What do you think?” Dean asked, glaring. “Just give Cas back already.”

The leviathan chuckled lightly. “I’ll think about it, Freckles.”

“You know, if you untied me, I could help with all the book learning,” the leviathan said as he tugged at the ropes that bound him to the chair in the library.

“Like we could trust you?” Sam replied, using his best bitch face to try and get his point across.

“Been here for over a week and I haven’t killed you yet,” he argued, tugging harder.

“When I found you, you tried,” Dean said angrily.

“Defending my life?” The leviathan countered, trying to sound innocent but coming off more as deranged. “Last time I saw you, you tried to kill me, remember?”

“Because you were trying to kill us!” Dean shouted, pounding his fist on the table.

“Dean, he’s trying to rile you up, and it’s working. Just ignore him,” Sam said, trying to calm down his big brother.

“Bring Cas back,” Dean growled out.

“Only if you ask nicely,” the leviathan mocked.

Dean got out of his chair and grabbed the leviathan by the shirt. “Now, you piece of shit,” he said through his clenched teeth. “That nice enough for ya?”

“Bite me,” the leviathan responded, then grinned. “Preferably behind the ear. That’s a pretty sensitive spot Angel Boy’s got going for him.”

The flirtatious wink that followed was what did Dean in. He pulled his arm back without thinking and made a fist, ready to punch the leviathan in his smug face and beat the living hell out of him. The only thing that stopped him was Sam grabbing his arm.

“Dean, don’t. He’s an ass hole, but it’s still Cas’ body,” he said, trying his hardest to diffuse the hostile situation.

Dean pulled back, ashamed of himself for what he’d almost just done. “You said you’re here when Cas is asleep, right?” The leviathan nodded. “Then wake him up.”

“I’m starting to think you don’t like me,” the leviathan responded, putting his lip out in an exaggerated pout. When Dean made a move to bring his fist back up again, he shouted “Whoa, whoa, fine! Save the violence for the second date, Freckles. I don’t wanna come off as too easy.” He paused. “I’ll let him come back, but it’s gotta be in his bed. Makes it more like actually waking up.” At Dean’s glare, he continued. “I don’t make the rules, I just try to break them.”

“If I take you, do you promise to let Cas come back?” Dean grumbled.

“I would never dare lie to you, Freckles,” the leviathan said sweetly, giving a twisted version of an innocent smile.

“Dean, remember that anything you do to him, Cas has to deal with,” Sam said with a sigh.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dean muttered. He untied the rope holding the leviathan to the chair, then yanked him up and once again started dragging him along, this time towards Cas’ bedroom.

“So rough, Freckles. Makes me all tingly,” the leviathan said with a purr.

“Are you trying to make me hit you or something?” Dean said grumpily.

“Naw, just bored,” the leviathan said, for the first time sounding completely honest. “And you make the cutest faces when you’re homicidal.”

“Glad to know torturing me is your idea of a fun time,” Dean said as they reached the bedroom.

“Oh, I know something that would be way more fun, but you keep shooting me down, Freckles,” he said silkily, and once again Dean’s skin was crawling.

“Just get in bed,” Dean pushed him towards the unmade bed.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about…”

“You know exactly what I mean,” Dean said.

“Can you untie me, at least? Kinda uncomfortable with the arms behind the back thing and all.” He turned around and held up his arms as best as he could to prove his point.

“Can I trust you?” Dean asked hesitantly.

“Maybe?”

“Well, at least that was an honest answer,” Dean said, and reluctantly untied the cord. He hoped it hadn’t hurt Cas’ wrists in any way, since they’d been tied up like that for almost two hours now. “Can you let Cas get some sleep too, maybe?” Dean asked hopefully. “He’s been pretty exhausted lately, and it’s basically all your fault.” The leviathan was actually cooperating, so he figured now was probably the best time to ask.

“Sure thing, Freckles. Just gimme a goodnight kiss and we’re golden,” the leviathan said, and before Dean had a chance to stop him, he turned back around quickly and pressed his lips to Dean’s. No, not his lips, Cas’ lips. Shit...

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but Dean had been so stunned he couldn’t react until after it was over. “The fuck?” He shouted. “Don’t do that ever again!”

The leviathan just laughed as he crawled onto the bed. “Goodnight, Freckles.”

“The second I figure out how to kill you without hurting Cas, you are so fucking dead,” Dean said, voice dripping with rage.

“You’d miss me,” the leviathan teased, getting under the covers.

“Get bent,” Dean grumbled on his way out.

“I can see what he sees in you,” the leviathan said softly, right as Dean was about to close the door.

“What?” Dean asked, not sure what he’d just heard.

The leviathan just chuckled instead of answering.

Dean slept with a gun stashed under his pillow for the first time since they’d moved into the bunker, and he’d be willing to bet his mixed tape collection that Sam had done something similar. He was also pretty sure that this was going to be the norm until they figured out how to get rid of the leviathan permanently.

Later that morning, Dean sat in the kitchen, drinking his cup of coffee and worrying, which he was also pretty sure was going to be the new norm. He’d checked in on Cas earlier, and only felt a tiny bit better when he’d seen the ex-angel sleeping peacefully in his bed. It looked like the leviathan could be trusted at least that much. For now. Hopefully.

“Good morning, Dean,” a voice said from behind him, and Dean tensed for a second before he realized it was the correct version of the voice this time.

“Morning, Cas,” he said, unable to keep the nervousness out of his own voice. But instead of noticing anything amiss, Cas just grabbed his favorite coffee mug and went to pour cup number one, as if everything was completely normal and all the crazy that had ever crazied hadn’t went down last night.

“I’m getting better at sleeping, it would seem, because I feel more rested today,” Cas said as he sipped at his coffee. He sounded like he was in a pretty good mood, and Dean dreaded having to spoil it by telling him about his unknown hitchhiker.

“Yeah, uh, that’s… that’s great, Cas,” Dean stuttered. Good mood ruining could wait just a teeny bit longer. Cas stopped drinking his coffee long enough to give Dean a big smile, properly happy this time instead of deranged, filling Dean with relief. But then he blushed as he also remembered those lips on his, and…

Dean glared down into his coffee as he once again wished he could’ve smacked that smug grin off of the leviathan’s face last night. That bastard brought out every violent tendency he had, and had probably even started creating new ones at this point.

“Dean, is everything okay?” Cas asked, sounding confused, and maybe even the slightest bit hurt.

“Just fucking peachy,” Dean grumbled in response. They needed to take care of this leviathan problem, and fast.

He avoided bringing up the leviathan-shaped elephant in the room until Cas had finished his first cup, hoping that maybe with a little bit of comforting caffeine in his system, Cas might not freak out as badly. Also, he’d finally reached the point where he couldn’t avoid it any longer because the guilt was starting to eat his internal organs, judging by the feel of it.

Dean took a few deep breaths, then started what was most likely going to be one of the most awkward conversations of his life. “So, uh, Cas? Anything weird been happening lately?” Yeah, because that was vague in pretty much every way possible.

“Many things have felt ‘weird’ since losing my grace and basically becoming human,” Cas said, going so far as to using the finger quotes. “I’m slowly getting used to most of them, though. Except for the sleepwalking thing you informed me of yesterday. How did that all turn out, anyway? Did I not walk last night?”

“Yeah, about that,” Dean said, having to force pretty much every syllable out at this point. “I, uhh… found out why you’ve been doing that.” Growing up as a hunter, he’d been part of a lot of really awkward, complicated, and just downright awful conversations. This one blew every single one of those out of the water by a very large margin.

“So then I was sleepwalking last night?” Cas tilted his head, confused. It reminded Dean of when the leviathan had done it, and thinking about it made his head hurt.

“Well, not you, exactly.”

“I don’t think I understand what you mean, Dean,” Cas was starting to sound worried, which broke Dean’s heart because he knew that ‘worried’ was way too light of an emotion for Cas to be feeling right now. Screw that damn leviathan for causing all this in the first place.

“You, umm… you brought somebody back with you… from Purgatory.” Dean would almost prefer the leviathan being back right about now, because anger was so much simpler.

“I did?” Cas sounded scared. Still too light.

“The leviathan,” Dean said, staring into his mostly empty coffee cup now because he couldn’t look Cas in the face when telling him shit like this, he just couldn’t. “He’s like some split personality thing inside you, and he takes over when you go to sleep.”

“Dean,” Cas said, and at the tremor in his voice, Dean finally forced himself to look up. Cas looked absolutely terrified. Yeah, that was definitely the correct emotion level for this. “You and Sam weren’t hurt by it, were you?” Cas asked, selfless just like always. Dean could almost feel the shattered remains of his heart in his chest when he drew in a breath. He was supposed to be protecting Cas from all this stuff, damn it!

“We’re both fine, Cas. You should be worried about you, not us,” Dean tried to keep his outrage out of his voice, and he was mostly successful. “We’ll fix this, I promise, and get that annoying bastard out of you.”

“You should lock me up at night, Dean. That way you’ll be safe,” Cas suggested.

“He’s not that bad,” Dean felt weird defending the leviathan, but it had been the truth. “We came to a kind of… understanding?” Dean couldn’t figure out how to explain pretty much any of what happened last night, and he really didn’t want to explain the kiss… and great, now he was blushing. If it had been anybody other than the socially clueless ex-angel, he would’ve been stuck trying to explain it. “I made him promise to start letting you get some sleep, too.”

“Can we trust him?”

“Maybe?” Dean hated repeating what the leviathan had said, but again, it was the truth. “Right now, your safety is top priority, Cas. I wouldn't do anything that might get you hurt.” Like punching the smug bastard in his borrowed face. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s completely powerless right now. He couldn’t even get out of the rope we used to tie him up with.”

“As long as you’re safe,” Cas said slowly. Dean had heard the phrase ‘looking green’ to describe somebody who felt sick, but he’d never seen it in action until now.

“Cas, you should probably sit down,” Dean said as he got out of his chair to help his friend. “I’ll make you some breakfast, maybe that'll help. Eggs and toast sound good?”

Cas nodded. “Thank you, Dean.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Dean said as he grabbed the eggs from the fridge. He refilled Cas’ coffee mug and started cooking, trying to ignore the guilt gnawing at his gut.

The three of them ended up spending up most of the day researching, and finding a fat lot of nothing.

“You know, maybe we could just interrogate him?” Sam suggested as it was starting to get late. “There has to be a way of getting information out of him that won't hurt Cas.”

“Do whatever you need to do,” Cas replied.

“No,” Dean countered immediately. “We’re not going to do anything that would hurt you.”

“But if it’s the only way to get answers,” Cas reasoned.

“No way, Cas. You heal like a human now, and I am not letting you get hurt,” Dean argued back. As much as the leviathan made Dean want to get violent, he would never be able to live with himself afterwards if he actually did anything. “We’ll figure something out.”

Cas let out a sigh. “Fine,” he said as he stood up. “But at least I can go to sleep now so you can start the interrogation.”

“I’ll come with, so I can be there when he wakes up,” Dean offered, and followed Cas to his room. The ex-angel was out like a light in only a few minutes, and Dean watched him as he snored lightly. He had no idea how long it was supposed to take for the personalities to switch, and was starting to get really bored when twenty minutes later, he saw Cas open his eyes and stretch.

“Morning, Freckles,” the leviathan said. “Always fun waking up next to a hot guy.”

“Is the stupid flirting necessary?” Dean asked, already feeling his blood pressure rise.

“Yes,” the leviathan said simply.

“Do we need to tie you up again, or can you play nice?”

“While the bondage games were pretty fun, I kinda like being able to use my hands,” the leviathan said. “And I know exactly how I'd like to…”

“C’mon, we’re going to the library again,” Dean cut him off.

“You’re no fun,” the leviathan pouted, but still followed Dean obediently. Dean kept an extra close eye on him, because he trusted a behaving leviathan a hell of a lot less than he did a trouble causing one.

“So, what’s on the menu today, boys?” The leviathan asked when they reached the library.

“Interrogation,” Sam replied without even glancing up from his book.

The leviathan actually had the common sense to look worried at that. “Now, you guys wouldn’t go and do something that’d hurt Angel Boy, right?” He asked. Apparently, even with all the BDSM-tinged jokes he made, he didn’t actually want to be hurt.

“We were hoping you’d cooperate,” Dean said as he pulled out a seat for the monster wearing Cas. “But if you’d rather not, we could always keep the two of you locked up until me and Sam figure this out on our own. Cas suggested it.”

“So, my temporary freedom in exchange for answers?” The leviathan asked as he hesitantly sat down.

“Basically,” Dean said with a nod before sitting in his own chair.

“We’re getting rid of you either way, might as well not be as miserable while you wait,” Sam said, finally looking up from his book.

“And if I don't know much?” The leviathan asked. He was acting almost sane, and for some reason it was creeping Dean out even more than the over the top flirting and insanity.

“As long as we don’t find out you’ve been lying to us and withholding information, then you get to keep your semi-freedom,” Dean answered. “And you have to keep letting Cas get sleep, too,” he added.

“So I answer your questions and take care of your boyfriend and we’re good?” The leviathan finished.

“Yeah,” Sam said while Dean was too busy sputtering to form actual words.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Dean finally managed to shout, then slumped over in embarrassment.

“Then can I have a go at you, Freckles? Maybe find that cord and tie you up this time?”

“I need a drink,” Dean said and stood up abruptly.

“Dean?” Sam asked, sounding worried. He didn’t say anything else after his older brother shot him a bitch face of death, though.

Dean leaned his head against the refrigerator and let out a tortured sigh. First the damn thing kept flirting with him, making his skin crawl, and now he was insinuating that Cas was his boyfriend? What the hell?

There was just no way. Dean was straight, for starters, and Cas was an angel, and probably straight too or something. As straight as a celestial wavelength could be, at least. And it wasn’t like Dean ever noticed stuff about Cas, like how his lips looked chapped but still kind of soft, or how his hair when he wakes up just begs to have hands run through it, and there was that kiss even if it wasn’t really Cas, and… shit.

How the hell did the leviathan figure it out before Dean? And had Cas? Shit…

He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a glass, and headed back to the library. Maybe if he just ignored the damn thing and let Sam do all the talking, it wouldn’t be so bad. And maybe the happily ever after fairy would swing by and sprinkle her fairy dust over everything and make it all perfect and sunshine and rainbows. Dean knew he was in for an ungodly long and awkward night. And probably an awkward tomorrow, as well, if Sam picked up on anything Dean was thinking.

Dean flopped down into his chair and poured his first glass. He gulped it down and poured the next as Sam asked the leviathan to spill his guts, metaphorically.

“Wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t know much, you know,” the leviathan said snippily. “I was wading into that lake thing to spread the love,” he continued, ignoring Dean’s sarcastic snort, “and next thing I know, I’m seeing bits and pieces through that psycho angel bitch’s brainwashing. I only really knew what was going on when I started coming out to play while Angel Boy began sleeping last month.”

“What were you doing before Cas got here?” Sam asked as Dean pounded back even more alcohol.

“Hunger kinda sucks, and this guy’s too much of a freaking saint to steal, so he may have a bit of a criminal record in a few states for shoplifting by now,” the leviathan said with a shrug.

“You were feeding him?” Dean asked, not believing a word of that part of the story.

“No, I was feeding me and he just happened to benefit as well,” the leviathan responded with a glare. “If he’s hurting, I feel it when I wake up. And I’m a selfish bastard, so a few convenience stores ended up missing out on some Slim Jims and Doritos. No skin off my back, and that damn grumbling in our stomach stopped.”

“How very noble of you,” Dean said and poured his next glass.

“Fuck you, Freckles,” the leviathan said angrily, before grabbing the glass Dean had just poured and downing it himself.

“Oh, did I strike a nerve?” Dean said specifically to piss the leviathan off. He may not be able to hit him, but this felt almost as satisfying.

“Great, now he’s antagonizing the leviathan,” Sam muttered to himself.

“Do you even know what it was like in Purgatory?” The leviathan shouted, grabbing the bottle from a stunned Dean and not even bothering with a glass this time, barely even bothering with breathing as he drank his fill.

“Yeah, I was there for a year,” Dean growled, trying to grab the bottle back and failing.

“Year? Hah! Try eternity, you fucking ass,” the leviathan said, slamming the bottle down on the table and forgetting about it in his rant. Dean grabbed it as he continued. “Nothingness everywhere. Killing gets boring, everything gets boring. And the ones beneath me? Fucking morons! They couldn’t even take over the damn world when I set up everything for them all nice and neat. There’s a reason that place is Hell for stuff like me.”

The brothers could only watch in wonder bordering on horror. The leviathan had managed to drink enough of the bottle that there was a slight slur to his voice, but it didn't deter his rant in the slightest. In fact, it probably fueled it.

“So yeah, maybe I wanted out, wanted anything different. Thought I’d get to stick around a bit longer last time, escape the monotony, but that didn’t go anything like planned. So hitch a ride, sure. No clue how I did it, but now I’m stuck going back there again? Fuck you,” the leviathan said before standing up, somewhat unsteady on his feet, and stormed out of the room.

“You should go after him,” Sam pointed out when the two had finally recovered from the shock of what had just happened.

“Why me?” Dean asked, nowhere near as out of it as the leviathan, but still a little tipsy.

“He likes you more,” Sam answered as if that were completely obvious.

“He’s always trying to piss me off,” Dean countered.

“I think that’s how he is,” Sam said.

“So you're a therapist now or something?” Dean spat out, trying to stall what he knew was the inevitable.

“Just go already, before he does something to Cas or Cas’ stuff.” Dean walked off in a huff, heading in the direction of Cas’ room, fairly sure that was the way the leviathan had headed. And he was right, but he hadn’t expected to see the guy sleeping.

Though if the body was asleep, that meant it was Cas? Or was it not Cas til later? This was starting to get way too confusing, and the few glasses he’d had before the leviathan stole the bottle weren’t helping matters any. Dean slumped in the chair next to Cas’ bed and watched the sleeping ex-angel/horrifying monster from the bowels of Purgatory.

He’d been staring for a few minutes, not wanting to leave yet, when Cas sat up in bed, tears streaming down his cheeks, looking completely devastated. “Shit, Cas, are you okay?” he asked as he stood up and made his way to the bed. Cas just shook his head and cried harder. Dean bundled up the ex-angel in his arms and let him cry. “You can tell me anything, Cas. I’m here for you, I promise.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, and he returned the hug as tightly as he could.

He stroked Cas’ hair as he could feel the tears winding down. Was this some kind of leftovers from the leviathan flipping his shit a few minutes ago? Had the alcohol transferred the emotions to Cas somehow? He could no longer feel tears falling on his neck, but he kept stroking Cas’ hair, whispering soothing words to him. He would fix this, damn it.

Cas started nuzzling his neck then, and Dean’s hand froze mid-stroke. The light kiss against his skin made breathing difficult. “Cas?” he asked, afraid of the direction this was heading, but wanting it at the same time. The kiss got heavier and Dean let out a groan, just knowing there’d be a mark in the morning. His hand tangled into his friend’s hair, and the kisses started moving up his jaw. “Oh god,” Dean breathed out. And then their lips met, and Dean knew he’d never be able to get over this. There was no hesitation like he would’ve expected from the inexperienced ex-angel, only heat and force and everything good. Cas’ mouth tasted like the whiskey the leviathan had chugged, and Dean wanted more. No, he needed more.

Cas pushed him down on the mattress, covering Dean’s body with his own. He felt more than saw Cas’ hand slide up his chest under his shirt as his hips instinctively sought friction, and he let out another moan. “Oh god, Cas,” he said softly.

Cas started kissing the side of his mouth, along his cheekbones, started nipping lightly at his ear. He was whispering something Dean couldn't quite make out, but it became clear when he finally made it to the ear, in between nips. “Why is he the only who can have this?” the leviathan said, and Dean froze for a second before pushing him off.

“Dean?” The leviathan asked in surprise. He actually had the gall to sound hurt.

“You… just… stay the hell away from me,” Dean said shakily, getting up off the bed and heading to the door. He felt sick and used, and if he didn’t get away from the leviathan in the next few seconds, he’d be explaining a lot of broken bones to Cas in the morning.

“You wanted it!” The leviathan shouted, still looking hurt.

“I thought you were Cas,” he growled back, already having to stop himself from hitting something.

“Does that really matter?”

“Yes!” Dean shouted back and slammed the door behind him. He leaned his back against it and tried to catch his breath. He’d just… with the leviathan… there weren’t enough showers in the universe to feel clean again after that. He headed to his room instead, praying that he passed out quickly.

When he got to his room, he locked the door behind him, and even though he knew that it wouldn’t affect a thing, he shoved the desk in front of the door. If the leviathan wanted to come in enough, that wasn’t gonna do squat, but at least it made Dean feel slightly safer. He curled up under the blankets and forced the tears back. He had really thought it was Cas. He never would’ve done anything otherwise. He knew that, but he still felt sick. He knew he should probably feel anger, rage, something along those lines, but right now he was too exhausted. He fell into a fitful sleep, half formed nightmares taunting him the entire time.

Dean was jerked out of yet another nightmare, this one involving lots of blood and water in a very disjointed sort of way, by a steady knocking on his door. “Go away!” He shouted, expecting it to be Sam, wanting to do a damn therapy session or something.

“Dean, please let me in,” he could hear Cas begging from the other side. And it was definitely him, because the leviathan could never sound that innocent. He didn't have anywhere near the acting skills.

“Hold up a sec,” Dean said, loud enough to be heard through the door. The knocking stopped as Dean got up and pushed the desk back to where it came from. He unlocked the door and opened it to reveal a very worried looking Cas. He stepped aside in invitation, and Cas came in and plopped down in his usual chair. Dean would never admit it, especially to his brother, but he’d always kept the chair positioned in a way that made it easy for Cas to watch him sleep. He had no idea why the angel had found so much comfort in the act, but he’d always kept the chair there anyway.

Dean sat back on the bed and waited for Cas to speak. It only took a few seconds. “Do you have any idea on why I just woke up in the hallway next to your door?” He asked, looking completely confused. Shit, straight to the uncomfortable section of the conversation. Wait…

“You were outside my door?” Dean couldn't wrap his head around this new information. The leviathan hadn’t knocked, or shouted, or tried to get in or anything. Dean would’ve heard even a small noise with how barely asleep he’d been. So why the hell had he been outside all night?

“Yes,” Cas replied. “I woke up leaning against your closed door, and couldn’t figure out why the leviathan would find that necessary. What happened while I was asleep?”

Dean slumped over, feeling defeated by life in general at this point. He had a fucking lovesick leviathan or something on his hands, and since the universe thought that wasn’t bad enough, now he had to explain everything to the guy he thought he’d been making out with last night. Thanks, universe.

“Last night, he… had a breakdown or something, I guess? He swiped my whiskey and maybe got a tiny bit drunk,” Dean explained, refusing to look anywhere other than the floor as he talked. “He was bitching about how much Purgatory sucked, and he finally stomped off to your room in a temper tantrum.”

“That still doesn't explain why he fell asleep outside your door,” Cas interrupted.

“I’m getting to that,” Dean said, practically deserving sainthood by now from all the crap the leviathan was putting him through. He took a deep breath and continued. “I went to check on him, in case he did anything that would affect you, and he was asleep. Or I thought he was asleep. I have no idea.”

Dean really did not want to continue. Damn that leviathan. Purgatory wasn’t near a bad enough punishment for him. “He woke up, and he was crying so I thought it was you, since there was no way that douchebag had any real emotions. So I thought you were hurt, and gave you a hug, and… uh…” Let the really uncomfortable start… now. “He started kissing me.”

“Oh no, Dean. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Damn Cas for making it that much harder to finish.

“And I thought it was you,” Dean continued, ignoring what Cas had said for now. He was starting to have to push the words out, because they kept lodging in his throat, feeling like barbed wire. It was getting difficult to breathe, but Cas deserved to know. “So I… I let him. And I maybe started kissing back,” he started speaking faster, trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. “And things were getting kind of intense, and that’s when he messed up and I figured out it was him, not you. I ran, and I guess he followed, but I have no idea why the hell he was outside my room.” Dean couldn't help it as he curled in on himself. Cas was going to hate him, and he wouldn’t blame the guy in the slightest.

There was silence for a few moments, then finally Cas spoke. “You thought it was me?” He said, voice tinged in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Dean admitted softly. Was Cas going to leave now?

“Dean,” Cas said, just as softly. He finally looked up, expecting to see disgust, but Cas was just staring like always, maybe a little confused but definitely not disgusted. “You… did that because you thought it was me?” Dean nodded. “Why?”

And this is what it all came down to. Might as well be completely honest, destroy it all in one go. Dean looked back down at the floor, since it was much easier to talk about all this stuff without having to see Cas’ reactions. “I think I have… feelings for you,” Dean choked out. Decades of emotional constipation was making this far more difficult than it needed to be. “Romantic ones. I think I’ve had them for a while, maybe. Most likely, actually. So when… when he was making the moves and I thought it was you, I…” Yeah, that was as much as he was gonna get right now. “I’m sorry.”

“Dean,” Cas whispered. He felt fingers grip his chin lightly and lift his face so where he was looking Cas in the eyes. He hadn’t even heard the ex-angel move. He was lost in blue, and he never wanted to leave, but he knew that good things never lasted. “Dean,” Cas whispered again, and somehow just that one syllable sent shivers down his spine. “I think… that I feel the same,” he said, voice barely audible.

That was definitely not what Dean had expected to hear. “Cas?” He asked for clarification.

“Even when I was an angel, what I felt for you was different than what I felt for anyone else,” Cas started. “And once I became essentially human, it only got stronger. I don’t really have any proper experience with romantic love, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I feel towards you, Dean.”

“But the leviathan, I… I…” Dean couldn’t get the words out this time. He felt all used up, and he hadn’t even had breakfast yet.

“I forgive you, Dean,” Cas said, always managing to know what Dean actually meant whenever his brain derailed like that. “Can I…” He brought his face closer, making it obvious he was asking for a kiss.

Dean surged forward, bringing their lips together. It was the third time he’d kissed them, but it was the first with Cas actually behind the steering wheel. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and Dean pulled him in closer. Just as the kiss was starting to go from chaste to not-so-much, Dean was blindsided by the sudden fear that maybe the leviathan’s acting skills were better than he’d thought. He pulled away in terror, expecting at any second to hear the deranged laughter and that voice calling him Freckles, mocking him and proving that happiness doesn’t exist for Dean Winchester.

“Dean?” Cas said, sounding confused and more than a little hurt. And it was definitely Cas, it had to be.

“Sorry, I… I just…” Dean tried to explain. His heart was pounding in fear, and Cas must’ve heard it and put it together with his words, because the confusion was replaced with comprehension.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas said softly, “it’s okay, I understand.” He pulled away, and Dean seriously wondered how he’d gotten so lucky. “Take as long as you need.”

“After we get rid of that ass hole, I promise,” Dean swore to him, standing up and giving Cas a quick hug. “When I know for sure that he’s gone.”

“I’ll wait as long as I need to,” Cas said, brushing his fingers lightly across Dean’s jaw.

“We’ll figure this out,” Dean said, and they both headed towards the kitchen for coffee and breakfast.

The rest of the day was spent in research. The only difference this time was the little touches that Dean and Cas kept sharing. After last night, kissing was off the table, as well as everything else along those lines, but quick brushes of skin felt safe to Dean. For the first time since finding all this out, the two were both sporting genuine smiles. Sam gave Dean a few knowing looks, but he was for once nice enough to not tease his brother. Dean figured he was planning on making up for it as soon as the leviathan problem was taken care of.

By lunch time, they’d finally given up on finding anything in the books that would fix their little problem exactly, so after a few rushed sandwiches, they started working on cobbling together something they hoped would work. Cas had a pretty good idea of what could damage his vessel, or his hold on his vessel, so they were at least somewhat confident that they were headed in the right direction.

It was only a little past nine when Cas started yawning, causing Dean’s stomach to lurch painfully. It must’ve shown on his face,because Cas was by his side immediately, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “Maybe tonight you can lock me in my room?” He suggested.

“No, I… I hafta deal with this eventually,” Dean sighed. “Besides, he might be able to help.” He doubted it, especially after that rant the night before, but with the leviathan you never knew. The dude was batshit crazy enough that it was impossible to predict his next move.

“Just be safe,” Cas said before kissing Dean on the forehead. He missed the hunter turning bright red as he left to go to his bedroom. He also missed Sam’s amused expression at the romantic display.

“So I apparently missed a lot last night,” Sam said, grinning like a damn Cheshire cat.

“Shut it,” Dean said, burying his head in his arms to hide his deepening blush.

“Hey, I’m just glad you guys finally got together, though it took you long enough. You deserve some happiness, Dean, and so does Cas,” Sam told him as he got up to grab yet another book.

“I just hope we can fix all this,” Dean said as he finally lifted his head back up. “Really not looking forward to having a timeshare boyfriend, especially when the other half is the freaking leviathan.”

“Well, at least that’d make the leviathan happy,” Sam joked.

“No,” Dean stated, dead serious.

Sam was a smart one, and he caught on quickly. “Shit, Dean, did he…” At Dean’s nod, Sam started apologizing.

“It was barely second base, but still, we gotta get rid of him, a-sap,” Dean explained before Sam started worrying more than he needed to.

Suddenly, Sam was staring past his brother, the worst bitch face possible plastered onto his features. Which could only mean one thing.

“I’m feeling really unwelcome right now,” the leviathan joked weakly from the doorway. Dean turned in his seat to add his glare to the bitch face already aimed in that direction.

“I wonder why,” Dean said, voice deadly and dripping in sarcasm.

The leviathan visibly wilted. Even at his lowest, Cas had never looked so tiny. But then a look of determination crossed the borrowed face, and he squared his shoulders slightly. “Hey, uh…” he started, completely lacking his usual insanity induced cocky verbal swagger. “Me and Freckles need to have a bit of a conversation, so maybe a little… privacy?” He looked at Sam, his eyes and body language pleading.

Sam looked at Dean, and his question didn’t need words. Dean nodded. “We’ll be okay,” he assured his little brother.

Only after Sam left did the leviathan take a seat, which ended up being the chair furthest from Dean. The guy was smart after all, it seemed. “Talk,” Dean said.

“So yeah, about last night,” the leviathan mumbled.

“Already starting to get pissed,” Dean warned.

“It’s… there are…” The leviathan paused, looking like he was trying to figure out how to say things even he didn’t understand. “I want you.” Dean glared, and the leviathan slunk lower in his chair. “No, this isn’t flirting right now, it’s just fact. I want you, and I have no idea why. I want more than just to rip into you and satisfy my urges, and I have no fucking clue what’s happening. I don’t… this isn’t how things work, and I’m not exactly used to feelings, and it’s confusing as fuck, and right now all I wanna do is kiss you and it’s disgusting but I can’t stop it.” He shrugged. “I think it’s cuz Angel Boy’s so damn in love with you. It’s seeping into me, like a damn plague or infection or something, making me need you in ways that shouldn't even be possible, but I’m stuck with it.”

“Wait, you’re saying you’re in love with me?” Okay, just when he thought things literally couldn't get any more confusing.

“Yes!” The leviathan shouted, knocking over his chair in his haste to stand over Dean and yell in his face. “Make it stop! Get rid of it! I don’t fucking want it, but it’s so strong it hurts!” The leviathan grabbed Dean, and before the hunter could react, he slammed their mouths together. The kiss was desperate, all teeth and forced tongue, and Dean couldn't push him away. He fought back, but nothing worked. He could taste blood, and wasn’t sure whose it was. Mentally apologizing to Cas, he punched the leviathan right in the face, finally making him let go. He stumbled back, looking stunned and rubbing at the already forming bruise on his cheek.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again,” Dean snarled.

“You guys finally got together, didn’t you?” The leviathan whispered. “That’s why it’s so strong now, so impossible to resist. You belong to him now, and I can feel it all.”

“I don’t belong to anybody,” Dean said, though he knew it was no longer true. The guilt was already eating away at him for the purple spreading across Cas’ cheek, even if he wasn’t wearing it at the moment.

“I’ll help you,” the leviathan said. “Help you send me back. Whatever it takes, I don’t care. I can’t deal with this ‘love’ crap. It’s too much.” He walked over to the bookshelf, pulled out three carefully selected volumes, then sat down, acting exactly like any normal person would. It made him look like Cas on any ordinary day, and that made it unsettling.

And he was actually true to his word. By the time the brothers were too exhausted to do any more thinking, they had the spell almost completely figured out. It was a bizarre mixture of an exorcism and a banishment rite that could be targeted to leviathans specifically. The only reason it was basically never used or mentioned was the fact that the one being banished had to be a fully willing participant. Plus, they’d have never figured it out without the leviathan’s help, which made Dean extra grumpy, because the wording had so many different ways to translate it that even Cas would’ve had a hard time spotting it. The bunker had all the necessary ingredients, so they planned to do it that night, since the leviathan had to be the one in control for it to work.

As they split up to go to the separate room, the leviathan stopped Dean. “I’ll, uh…” he said, looking awkward and uncomfortable. “I’ll make sure he gets a lot of sleep.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Dean returned, equally as awkward.

“Good night, Dean,” the leviathan said before walking off. Dean just stared. Considering he hunted ghosts and monsters and demons for a living, you really wouldn’t think that would be one of the weirdest experiences he’d ever had.

“Good morning, Dean,” said the correct voice a few hours later. Cas walked over to the coffee maker and poured his first mug of the day.

“Morning, Cas,” Dean mumbled. He was barely conscious, having had terrible nightmares the entire time he was in bed, all of them involving Cas getting hurt or killed by the spell. And it had turned out the blood had been his, judging by how messed up his lower lip was. He’d avoided the mirror after that first glance, because he looked like he’d spent the night having the roughest sex imaginable. Which would’ve been awesome if that had been the case, but since it wasn’t...

He winced when he saw the black eye and bruised cheekbone Cas was sporting, his brain unable to forget that it was his handiwork he was staring at. But Cas, always so amazing and selfless and perfect, let put a gasp and rushed over to Dean. “What happened?” He asked, his fingers almost but not quite touching the ragged tears on Dean’s lip.

“It was pretty eventful after you went to bed last night,” Dean sighed. As Cas sat down next to him, Dean explained everything that had happened. There was blushing and hand holding at the part where the leviathan was explaining how head over heels Cas was, a light touch of acknowledgement and apology to his black eye when Dean got to the part with the punch, and hopeful excitement when Dean started describing the spell. “I’m really sorry about your face,” Dean said, hanging his head in shame.

“I forgive you, Dean. You did what you had to do,” Cas said before kissing Dean on the cheek lightly. “Was… was that okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. He turned and brushed his lips lightly against Cas’. “Definitely okay.”

Cas smiled at him, and they both went about drinking their coffee in comfortable silence.

The rest of the day was spent like the last few, only it was fine tuning the spell instead of basic research. Cas was impressed with what they’d put together the night before, even though it had mostly been the leviathan’s work. It was mid-afternoon when it was decided that the spell was as perfect as they could get it, but Cas wasn’t tired yet so they gathered together in the room they’d turned into a living room to watch a movie or two on Netflix. Dean was confident enough in the leviathan not intruding that he sat next to Cas on the couch, and they spent the entire time cuddling. Dean ignored every single giggle that came from Sam’s direction, though his middle finger did make the occasional appearance directed towards his little brother when he thought Cas wouldn’t notice.

The first yawn came as the credits rolled on the second movie, and Dean and Sam both immediately turned to look at Cas. “I guess this is it,” he said quietly.

No longer caring that his brother could see, Dean pulled Cas in for a deep kiss. When he pulled back, he felt about as dazed as Cas looked. It was worry that something might happen and that this might be the last time he would ever see Cas that made Dean blurt out “I love you.” Cas stared up at him in amazement as Sam gawked at his brother.

“I love you too, Dean,” Cas said back, giving him a quick kiss. “Stay safe, both of you.” And then he walked off towards his bedroom.

Dean felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. “Everything’s going to work,” Sam said. “He’ll be back to being alone in his head in just a few hours.”

“I don’t know if I could survive now if we screwed this up and he died,” Dean admitted. Love had always been a weakness at times like these, and he’d meant what he told Cas.

“Then we’ll just have to not screw up,” Sam said. There wasn’t really anything else to be said, so they both went to start setting up for the spell. The leviathan wordlessly joined them a few minutes later, and between the three of them everything was ready about in a little over a half an hour.

“So we just do the chant and the portal appears?” Dean asked for the seventh time since they started preparations.

“Yes,” the leviathan sounded annoyed, but it was zero hour and Dean was paranoid, so he could freaking deal with it.

“And it can’t affect any of us, only you, right?” Sam asked, almost as paranoid as Dean.

“Yes,” the leviathan said flatly.

“Okay,” Sam said, before starting the chant. The spell ingredients started to glow, and right when Sam finished reciting the Latin, Dean tossed them, bowl and all, into the middle of the circle. There was a flash of bright light, and suddenly there was a small portal the color of the sky in Purgatory. It was only about two feet wide, but the leviathan had reassured them beforehand that it would be enough.

“So, that’s my ride home,” the leviathan joked.

“Yep, glad to see you leave,” Dean replied.

“Angel Boy was sure this would work, right?” It was still strange to hear the leviathan sound afraid.

“Cas went over it a few times, until he was certain,” Sam said from the other side of the circle. “As long as you were a willing participant, it should work.”

“And if I were too scared to try?”

“Then I’d shove you in myself,” Dean said.

The leviathan sighed. “I’m gonna miss this place.”

“Well, we won’t miss you,” Dean said, starting to get impatient.

“Was it really that bad?”

“Yes. And you’re stalling, so get the hell over there already,” Dean said, finally to his limit.

“Kiss goodbye?” The leviathan looked over at Dean, looking more human than ever.

“You don’t learn, do you?” Dean glared at him.

“Can’t blame a monster for trying,” the leviathan said airily, sounding like his old self. “Though I guess I could always stay…”

“If I kiss you, will you leave?” Dean said through gritted teeth.

The leviathan actually had the balls to pause and look like he was considering his options. Just when Dean was about to snap and start screaming, he nodded his head. “Yes.”

Letting out a tortured sigh, Dean stepped forward. Just one last time, and then he’d be gone forever, he had to keep reminding himself.

“The ‘love’ stuff sucks, but I do enjoy the physical parts,” the leviathan said before he grabbed Dean’s face and pulled him in for the kiss. It had none of the violence of the last one, and for a second Dean lost himself in it. It was like kissing Cas, and his brain forgot that he wasn’t. When the leviathan pulled away, Dean actually let out a tiny whine of protest before he came back to his senses. “We could’ve had some real fun, Freckles. Maybe next time?”

“If I ever see you again, I will kill you on sight,” Dean threatened.

The leviathan just laughed. “Love you too, sweetie,” he said with a wink before reaching out to touch the portal. This time, the flash of light filled the room to the point of blinding, and a force threw everybody back a few feet.

Dean rubbed at his head before crawling over to what was hopefully Cas’ unconscious body. He shook him on the shoulder. “Wake up, Cas,” he said, trying to not sound like he was begging.

Cas groaned and blinked his eyes open. “I feel… empty,” he muttered.

“So it worked?” Dean asked, pulling Cas into his arms.

“I think so,” Cas said as he reached his arms around the hunter to hug him. Dean started kissing him, and he didn’t think he’d ever want to stop. They curled into each other, whispering ‘I love you’s between kisses and touches, that we-survived-certain-death high making them euphoric.

They kept it up until Sam cleared his throat extra loud. “You guys both have a room, you know?” Dean laughed, feeling lighter than air.

That night, Dean had trouble sleeping. They’d decided his room was nicer, and would be moving Cas’ few possessions over tomorrow, but for now the ex-angel was curled up next to Dean, being the best damn little spoon he could be. But as wonderful as it was, Dean couldn’t get past the fear that Cas would wake up, look over at him, and say ‘Hi, Freckles.’ It was probably going to take a long time to get over that fear. Cas shifted in his sleep, letting out a contented sigh. But at least it looked like they had a long time, and probably a lot more than that, barring any further apocalypses. He finally managed to fall into a light doze, right as his alarm clock changed over to 2:04AM.