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Harry shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be sitting on the stairs in a deserted hallway, fighting tears and drowning in self-pity. He knew this was going to happen eventually but that doesn’t soften the blow of feeling abandoned and unwanted. The words just wouldn’t leave his head, just kept repeating over and over, rubbing salt into the wound, ‘I’m sure you’ve got your own plans, with your own friends, Haz.’

He doesn’t. But he just nodded and bit his lip to stop it from wobbling, if Ed noticed, he didn’t say anything. The thing is Harry doesn’t have his own friends; Edward had always been the only friend he ever needed. But Ed doesn’t need him anymore, doesn’t want him. Ed has his own friends and his own plans, no time for little Harry.

Tears spill down his cheeks and Harry does his best to keep them at bay while trying to stop his body from shaking with sobs. He doesn’t want to cry. He wants to be strong. But that’s always Edward’s role. Edward, the strong, funny, social Edward who took care of quiet, awkward, weird Harry. And Harry is okay with that, as long as Edward is there and wants to be there.

The sound of scuffling feet sounded through the quiet hall, everyone was in the cafeteria, having lunch but it seems like someone decided to go for a walk. The footsteps get closer instead of fading away and Harry wipes away the remaining tears with his sleeve, the person slows down right behind Harry before hesitantly approaching him and Harry tries to appear nonchalant and not crying about abandonment issues.

The person takes a seat on the step beside him, a good distance away but close enough to feel the slight body heat.

There is a short silence where Harry didn’t dare look at who is beside him (a small, hopeful part of him hopes that it’s Ed, coming to apologise, invite him along or even better: offer to ditch his friends and stay in with him and play video games) and then, “Are you crying?”

It’s not Edward; the voice is much higher and raspier. Harry looks up to see a pretty boy he’s never seen before, with glowing blue eyes and feathery brown hair that’s hanging limp on his forehead. His eyes are framed with black-rimmed glasses that don’t fail to bring out the blue of his eyes, eyes that are squinted with curiosity and staring right back at him. Finally registering what he’d asked, Harry’s hand instinctively goes up to wipe at his cheeks which still seem to be damp with escaped tears.

The boy’s brow just furrows more, “Why are you crying?” Some of the curiosity had subsided to make some room for what seems to be concern. Which is ridiculous. Why would a pretty boy like that worry about someone like Harry?

Silence settles over them for a while, in which the boy waits for an answer and Harry tries to look anywhere but at the boy with the scrunched brow, pouty lips and searching blue eyes. After several, long minutes, Harry sighs. What the hell, he thinks and gives a short summary of what he’s come to realise today, “My twin doesn’t want me anymore.”

The boy’s brow just scrunches more and Harry is a little worried it might seize up and stay like that, “What makes you think that?” He asks.

Harry scoffs at that. “Think it’s pretty obvious when someone doesn’t want you around.” He says with a bitter laugh, when the boy doesn’t look convinced, he gives another defeated sigh, “It’s just. He’d always at least ask me if I want to go with him or think of me first. But now he’s got his own friends and his own plans and I’m just the annoying brother that won’t get out of his hair.”

The boys tiny pout turn into a full pout as he watches Harry, after a while of the boy staring at Harry and Harry trying to not feel uncomfortable under his gaze and the fact that he just told a stranger one of his greatest insecurities.

The boy could just go back and laugh about it with his friends. Poor little Harry is scared of his brother leaving him.

“That’s a good reason to cry.” The boy finally says and Harry couldn’t help but give a low chuckle at that to which the boy gives a wide smile. A smile so wide and breathtaking that Harry couldn’t quite look away. “But,” the boy carries on, “you can look at this in a good way. Branch out; find who you are without your twin. ‘Do you’.” The boy makes air quotes around the last bit and smiles again.

“’Do me’?” Harry questions.

“Be brave.” The boy nods.

Harry contemplates that for a moment. “Brave,” he thinks aloud and the boy smiles and nods.

They sit in silence for a while, Harry absorbs what the boy’s said and the boy fiddles with his fingers and follows specks of dust floating in the air with his eyes.

“I’ve never seen you around here before.” Harry says and the boy looks at him again but the smile is gone. Instead his face is blank and his eyes are staring at something over Harry’s left shoulder, Harry doesn’t know if he said something wrong but he doesn’t have the time to correct himself because the shrill sound of the bell is ringing through the hall, indicating the end of lunch and the boy jumps to his feet.

“I guess I’ll see you around, Harry.” The boy mumbles before walking away with his head bowed and his hands stuffed into his tight black jeans that hug his short legs.

Harry watches him go before heaving himself up to his feet and making his own way back over to the lunch room where he left his bag.

“Where’d you go, man?” Ed asks when Harry approaches the table that is now full of people that Harry’s never talked to, Ed watches him with eyes the same colour as Harrys.

“Just to the bathroom.” Harry mumbles, hoists the strap of his bag over his shoulder and walks away before Ed picks up on his red-rimmed eyes.

It isn’t until halfway through his maths class that Harry realises he never told the boy his name.

-

Harry looks for him after that-well, tries to look for him. But the pretty boy with glowing blue eyes is nowhere to be seen and Harry’s kind of worried that he was just a hallucination because there are only so many places to be at their school.

He admits defeat after a week, after spending lunch break looking over his shoulder every few moments in hopes of catching sight of the boy. He doesn’t and he doesn’t even pretend that he doesn’t feel disappointment tugging at his insides.

Things with Edward only go downhill so Harry’s too busy feeling unwanted and alone to think much about the boy. He spends most his nights alone now, either doing homework or playing videogames or staring at the door and hoping Ed’ll come in and spend the rest of the night with him. The thing is, he knows he’s being pathetic, knows he’s being clingy, knows he shouldn’t tear up every time Ed leaves with a “Don’t wait up”. But he doesn’t know what else to do, doesn’t know a world where he and Ed lead their own individual lives and have their own friends with their own plans and he’s scared. Terrified even.

The worst nights are when Ed sneaks in in the middle of the night, all tipsy and giggly, and climbs on his bed and silently falls asleep. Harry will never admit that he cries himself to sleep on those nights.

-

Harry’s sitting on the stairs in the deserted hallway again, he’s not crying but he feels like he might. He has his chin propped up against his knees while he stares at the floor and pretends like his world’s not crashing down around him.

Ed’s not at school and when Harry texts asking him where he is, the only reply is ‘does it matter? I don’t need to be there all the time harry’ and that sort of breaks Harry from the inside out. His worst nightmare ever has just come true, Ed’s not here and Harry’s alone in a building filled with people that know him as Ed’s twin. He doesn’t want to be here, he’s thinking of ditching school and going home and hiding under his bed sheets because that’s all he has without Ed.

“Are you always sad?” The voice and its closeness startles him, he whips his head around to find himself face to face with the boy from a week ago, watching him with squinted eyes.

No, he wants to say but he’s never lied to the boy and for some reason starting now doesn’t appeal to him much so he decides on, “Most of the time nowadays, yeah.”

“By ‘nowadays’ you mean since your brother stopped wanting you around.” It’s meant to sound like a question, Harry knows, but they both know the answer to that so what’s the point of asking?

Harry nods and silence falls upon them, this time, though, the boy draws shapes and patterns on his jean-clad knee with his finger and Harry watches the dainty fingers move. A small, tiny part of his brain envisions his fingers laced with them, imagines the contrast between the boys tan fingers to his pale ones.

“How did you know my name?” The question surprises both of them and the boy’s head snaps up to stare at Harry with a blank face and guarded eyes.

He takes a moment to answer with, “Everyone knows your name.”

Harry’s forehead furrows in confusion, “No,” he begins slowly, “everyone knows Ed’s name.”

The boy shrugs and goes back to drawing invisible shapes on his knee, “Well, I know your name.” Harry can only see the side of his face but he can see that there’s a small smile there.

“I looked for you.” He surprises both of them again.

And now the boy freezes and doesn’t answer, just balls his hands into fists and lays them in his lap. After long minutes of silence Harry asks a different question, “What’s your name?”

The boy bites his lip and stares ahead, “Louis.” He finally answers and Harry frowns.

“Louis? I’ve never heard of a Louis.”

Louis releases a heavy breath that was probably supposed to be a laugh, “Yeah, well, who has.” And with that Louis is on his feet and making his way back down the hall without looking back.

Harry watches him leave and decides that maybe he wants to be brave and himself with Louis.

-

“Ed?” Harry asks as he lies on his bed, staring at the bottom of the top bunk.

“Yeah?” Ed answers from his place at their shared desk across the room. He doing make up homework because he’s falling behind and that’s honestly no surprise.

“Have you ever heard of a Louis?” He asks before he can stop himself because he needs to know that Louis is real and not an imaginary friend.

“Louis? Louis what?” Ed asks distractedly as he attempts to read and write at the same time.

Harry frowns, “I’m not sure.”

“Don’t think there are any Louis’ at our school, buddy.” Ed concludes without glancing up and Harry’s frown deepens. There has to be a Louis because he’s talked to a Louis and that needs to be real.

“D’you think I’m losing my mind?” He asks and Ed snorts.

“Think you lost that a long time ago, man.”

“That was rude and unnecessary.” Harry mutters.

-

Louis turns out to be real.  Louis Tomlinson, slightly above average student and that’s all there is. No extra activities, no clubs, teams or anything. That’s all their school website has to offer on the boy and yes, Harry has stooped that low but it’s been weeks and Louis has been nowhere to be found and Harry is bordering on insane so he needs answers.

But there are no answers anywhere and there is no Louis anywhere and he’s sitting alone again because Ed’s new friends have convinced him to ditch again even though he’s falling behind in classes.

So, Harry’s alone, hiding out on the staircase that he’s decided to call his because it looks like Harry will be spending the rest of his high school days there. He’s trying not be upset about that, trying to not to be a pathetic, crying mess but tears silently stream down his cheeks as he stares ahead.

He feels Louis there this time, feels him sit beside him, feels their thighs touch. He feels Louis lay a hand on his shoulder and he feels his heavy gaze on his face. “You shouldn’t let people make you cry, you know.” He whispers.

Harry shakes his head, “He doesn’t mean it. It’s normal; I’m just being a pathetic, clingy idiot.” He tries to stop crying, takes deep breaths and counts to ten but it only makes him cry more and before he knows it his body’s shaking with silent sobs and Louis’ pulling him into his chest and lets him cry it out.

Louis’ chest is hard but comforting and Harrys clutches at his shirt and wets it with tears. He doesn’t know how long they stayed liked that, long after his tears have dried. Harry’s eyes are closed and he’s revelling in the feeling of Louis’ soft hands brushing through his curly hair when the bell rings, but Louis doesn’t let go and Harry doesn’t argue.

“C’mon.” Louis eventually whispers, when the sound of travelling feet and loud chatter get louder and closer. When they get to their feet, Harry’s at the edge of his toes, waiting for Louis’ next move but Louis just watches him with blank eyes until Harry finally speaks.

“So, are you just gonna disappear again?”

Louis shakes his head.

“Where am I supposed to find you? When I need you?”

“You mean when there’s no one else and you’re alone?”

Harry flinches at the harsh tone and even harsher words and shakes his head, “No, that’s not what I-I didn’t mean it like that.”

Louis sighs and looks around before his eyes settle back on Harry; this time his eyes have a twinkle of mischief that has Harry fighting a smile, “Time to be brave.” He smiles, takes Harry’s hand and drags him down the hall.

Harry lets himself be led to the schools front doors and freezes when Louis goes to open it, “What are you doing?”

Louis looks over his shoulder at Harry, confused, “Opening the door?”

“Why?”

Louis rolls his eyes, “That’s generally what doors are for, Harold.”

“Don’t call me that and I know that what doors are for but why are you opening that particular door?”

“Because this particular door leads to freedom.” Louis says with a little smile that fills Harry’s tummy with butterflies.

“I’m not ditching class.” Harry states, snatches his hand away from Louis and crosses his arms across his chest.

“Yes, you are. You graduate in a few months; do you really want to go on your whole life saying you’ve never ditched a class in high school?”

“I’m fine with that.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Harry.”

“Louis.”

“Harry. This is stupid and we’re wasting time, let’s go.”

“No.”

Louis sighs exasperatedly, “Harry, don’t let Ed be the only one who lives. Do something that makes you feel like you.”

Harry looks at his feet at that, “But-What if I don’t know who I am?”

Louis’ eyes soften at that and he moves forward to place both hands on each of Harry’s shoulders, their eyes meet and Harry’s breath catches because they’re so, so close and Harry is fighting an internal battle not to steal a glance at his lips, “You’ll never know if you always do what you’re supposed to.” Louis whispers.

Harry thinks for a moment before nodding, “Fine, let’s go.”

No words could be used to describe the smile that stretches across Louis’ face and Harrys’ insides have turned to jelly. Louis takes hold of his hand again and Harry takes a moment to watch the way his hand totally engulfs Louis’.

-

Fifteen minutes and a long walk later, they’re in a small fast food restaurant that ‘make the best burgers, Harry, seriously, it’s like an orgasm in your mouth’. They’ve each got their own burgers and fries and Harry’s not quite sure how he’s going to eat all of this food but he doesn’t argue when Louis orders them two large cokes to go with them.

Because he’s here, with Louis and he just wants to know him.

They eat in silence and Harry keeps stealing glances at the mysterious boy across from him, his hair is tucked in a beanie and his glasses balanced on his nose, his eyes are still sparkling and Harry never wants them to stop, never wants to see that blank dullness that overtakes them whenever Harry apparently says the wrong things.

“Louis,” Harry starts when he’s given up on trying to finish the gigantic burger and Louis’ picking at his fries.

Louis glances up at him, “Yes?”

“What’s your favourite colour?”

Louis snorts a laugh, “My favourite colour?” Harry just nods. “Why?” He eventually asks rather than answering.

Harry shrugs, “Because I’m curious and it’s not like you offer any information up, anyway.”

Louis watches him for a long time and Harry watches back. “I don’t have a favourite colour. I feel like it’s disrespecting other colours.” He says, completely serious.

Harry bites back a laugh, “Really?”

“Yes.” Louis doesn’t laugh with him or say it’s a joke and Harry has to come to the conclusion that it’s not.

“But…everyone has a favourite colour. Every colour gets its respect from different people.”

Louis’ eyes a sharp and cutting when he answers, “There’s always a colour that’s left out.” And Harry’s not sure if they’re still talking about colours anymore.

-

The sun has long since set and Harry is sort of upset that they’re on their way home because he just really wants to stay with Louis. They’re walking side by side, Louis’ fiddling with the straps of his backpack and Harry has stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoody so he’s not tempted to reach over and hold the boys hand.

“Do you ever sit still?” He asks as he watches Louis’s fingers mindlessly sway the strap around.

Louis huffs a light chuckle, “It’s your fault for giving me that bag of cotton candy. My mum’ll have you by the neck if she found out.”

Harry rolls his eyes, “No, I mean, like, always. You’re always moving, playing with something or fidgeting.”

“Think you just answered your own questions then.” Louis smiles and comes to a stop, “I’m this way.” He gestures to his left and Harry tries not to look as crestfallen as he feels because he has to keep going straight.

“Oh, well, I had fun. Thanks.” Harry smiles.

Louis smiles back and shuffles almost awkwardly at his feet, Harry wonders if he’s fighting the urge to kiss him as much as Harry is. Louis looks up at Harry, and he’s got the tiniest blush,” Yeah, me too. I guess I’ll see you around?”

Harry doesn’t even bother hiding his big grin this time because if Louis says he’ll see him it means he’ll see him. “Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

Louis glances at his feet again before shuffling forward and stretching to his toes and placing a delicate kiss to Harry’s cheek, “Bye, Harry.” He smiles before turning around and walking away from Harry.

Harry tries to keep his smile at bay until Louis is out of view but he can’t contain it anymore because he can still feel Louis’ soft, thin lips pressed against his cheek. He breezes his way back home and up to his bedroom, so happy that he didn’t even notice that Ed wasn’t in their room questioning him on where he’s been like Harry had sort of been hoping for.

-

‘Where are you?’ Harry ignores the text from Ed and looks up again at Louis, listening to him rave on about a book he read.

“Harry, you don’t even understand! Maddest twist and so upsetting that you just want to rip the book to pieces but at the same time you want to hug the idiot who wrote the book because ‘Good job, man, that was perfect and I fucking hate you for killing Mick off but what good would the ending be if he lived’. Do you know what I mean?” Louis looks at Harry with wide, frantic eyes that are pleading him to understand.

Harry shakes his head with a chuckle, “No idea.”

Louis groans and throws himself to the floor dramatically, “Harry! The story line! The twist! The deaths! It jumps between three tenses, Harry! And each more heartbreaking than the other! Do you get it?”

“No, and I don’t think I ever will. You’re by yourself on this one.” Harry pats Louis’ tummy and goes back to colour-coding his M&Ms.

“What are you even doing?” Louis sits back up again to see three rows of M&Ms balanced on his thigh.

“Don’t move! You’ll ruin it.”

“Really? You’d rather do this than listen to me talk about the most amazing book ever?”

“I’ll listen when you start making sense, buddy.”

“I was making sense!” Louis retorts, scandalised.

“No, you weren’t. All I got was that Matt died and that was already spoiled early on in the book so you just sat there and read and waited for it to happen.”

Louis gasps, “It’s Mick, I’ll have you know. And yes, that was brilliant and I admire it.”

Harry shrugged, “Mick, Matt. Tomato, tomato.” He answers, pronouncing the word tomato differently.

Louis gasps again and jiggles his thigh, sending them skittering down the stairs. Harry gapes wide-eyed at his work for the past ten minutes falling to pieces, “How dare you.” Harry gasps.

 Louis barks out a loud laugh at that, and Harry’s torn between smiling fondly at him or wrestling him to the ground for an apology. He goes for the latter and pushes Louis back, Louis only laughs harder and pulls at Harry’s arm until Harry has fallen to. He lands on top of Louis and they both erupt into giggles.

Harry sobers first and notices their closeness; he watches the way the corner of Louis’ eyes wrinkle when he laughs and the way his thin lips stretch around a grin. Harry really wants to kiss those lips. Louis’ laughter fades and he watches Harry watch him, a blush spreads across his cheeks and that sort of satisfies Harry.

Harry slowly leans down, gauging Louis’ reaction but Louis continues to look flustered and shy. He watches his lips, so close to them, so close he could feel Louis’ warm breath ghost over his bottom lip.

“Harry-“ Louis’ raspy words were cut short by the shriek of the bell booming through the empty halls, Harry jerks up and Louis hurriedly follows, clearing his throat.

“See you, Harry.” Louis mutters as he stands and hurries away from Harry, quickly disappearing in the thick crowd that’s formed.

-

“Harry! Where’ve you been, man? It’s like I haven’t seen you in weeks.” Edward smiles up at Harry from where he’s sitting on a library chair with his books spread out in front of him.

Harry refrains from snapping that it has been weeks since they’ve had a proper conversation but bites his tongue and settles on, “Just around.” He plops down on the chair across from Ed and crosses his arms.

Ed raises his eyebrow at that, “Around? With whom, may I ask?”

“No, you may not ask.” Harry snapped back because while Harry might feel pathetic and defenceless most of the time, he’s kind of picked up on Louis’ sass and learnt how to use it to avoid subjects he doesn’t want to discuss. Subjects like Louis, because Louis is Harry’s and Harry’s only.

Both of Edwards’s eyebrows shoot up now, “Getting secretive, little Haz?”

Harry’s fists clench and his inside light up with rage but he refuses to show that, he scoffs instead, “Not secretive. I’d tell you what’s been going on in my life if you were around long enough for something other than ‘cover for me’.” He glares at his identical twin, he’s so done with self-pity, it’s conveniently moved aside for some rage and that’s fine by Harry.

It’s Edwards turn to scoff, “Look who’s talking. After mum talked to me, I’ve been trying to spend every lunch with you but do you show up, no. Do you answer my texts, no!” It was obvious that Edward was just as angry as Harry and Harry rolled his eyes at that, wasn’t it Ed that wanted space? Wasn’t it him that wanted to be an individual and branch out? Who is he to feel upset and angry?

“Wait, what?” Harry looks to his twin with confusion evident on his face, “That’s why you’ve been trying to spend time with me? Because mum asked you to?” Harry forces his eyes not to tear up, forces his voice not to tremble as he stands and stares down at his twin who’s staring at Harry wide-eyed like a dear caught in headlights, “What, did she force you? Threaten to ground you? ‘Oh, please, Edward, spare a little time for poor Harry, he’s been awfully lonely’.” Harry mocks and hopes his rage is written all over his face.

“No, Harry, it was more like-you’ve just been distant and mum thought-she thought that-my friends and all that-and…” Edward rambles on, tripping over his words with his hurry to get them out but Harry’s not paying attention to him anymore, he’s looking over his head at a boy who has his back to him.

It happens too fast for Harry to really understand what exactly brings it on but now Louis’ back is against the shelves, his book at his feet beside his glass while two boys tower over him. Their backs are to Harry but they’re undoubtedly sneering at Louis, mocking him. Louis’ eyes are trailed on the floor, his hair falling over his face.

Harry is already so angry and he can still hear the hum of Ed rambling on in the back of his mind so he doesn’t really think when he storms over and shoves himself between the two guys and Louis, his body completely covering Louis’.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He snaps, his voice so full of venom that he barely recognizes it as his, it’s too cold and intimidating to be his but the two slightly familiar guys are looking at him with squinted eyes so he guesses that yeah, it was him that spoke.

“Ed?” One of them speaks; he is tall- almost as tall as Harry but not quite- with tick arms covered by a t-shirt that stretches to accommodate their size.

“Nah, man,” The second one says, he’s much shorter that Harry with thick arms and thighs and Harry’s sure this guy spends most his days at a gym, “that’s his brother. Henry, right?” He smiles up at Harry.

Harry just glares, “I asked you a question. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

The two guys’ eyes widen as realisation dawns upon them, the first one smirks and nudges Harry’s shoulder a little, “Just a little fun, s’all.”

Harry stares at his shoulder where the boy touched and then back at him, “Just a little fun?” They both nod with self-satisfied smiles, “At the cost of someone else?” He spits. His fists clench when he feels Louis’ little hands fist the back of his jumper and Louis can’t see shit right now because his glasses are on the floor and that just makes Harry angrier.

“Something wrong here, lads?” An identical voice to Harry’s asks from behind the two guys and they both look over to see Ed, “Luke, Kevin.” He acknowledges and Harry finally recognizes them as Ed’s mates.

“We were just joking around with Twinky but your brother doesn’t really find it funny.” Kevin explains.

Ed’s eyes widen again, his eyes dart to behind Harry where Louis is pressed to his back with his fists clutching Harry’s jumper so tight his knuckles have turned white. Edward’s mouth opens and closes a few times as he tries to find the right words to say and Harry’s really scared that what he’s thinking is true because then he could never look at Edward the same.

“Umm, well,” Ed clears his throat, “Guys, d’you wanna go for a drink? I can’t even look at another textbook.” He chuckles and grins like there’s nothing wrong but Harry can see the worry and anxiety that’s etched deep in his eyes

Luke and Kevin exchange a glance before agreeing and with a promise to meet outside the library, they’re gone and Harry’s staring at his twin with an even deadlier glare but he puts his anger aside and bends down to retrieve Louis’ glasses and book. He carefully balances the glasses on the bridge of his nose, hands him his book. Louis smiles gratefully up at him but the smile falls when he sees Ed standing to the side anxiously.

Harry watches Louis grow uneasy and Ed grow more anxious and decides he’s had enough so he turns to Ed and glares, “Tell me you have nothing to do with it and I’ll never doubt you again.”

Any small hope in Harry dies the moment Ed’s eyes dart from Harry to Louis then to his own feet, Harry tugs at Louis hand and makes to leave but Ed looks up pleadingly, “Harry, I didn’t know he was your-“

“My what? My friend? My only friend, might I add? And so what if he wasn’t? Does that make it okay?” Harry took a deep breath to stop himself from yelling and making a scene, “You knew. You were there when I got picked on and you stood up for me and now you’re doing it?” He pauses to gauge Edward’s reaction but his twin continues to look at his feet and hunches his shoulders. “You said you didn’t know a Louis.” Harry states because he was nowhere near done and he can’t believe that his brother is a bully and a liar, “I asked you if you knew a Louis and you said you don’t think there are any Louis’ at our school. You lied.”

Edward’s eyes snap up at that, he looks frantically between Harry and Louis who’s staring at his feet and squeezing Harry’s hand. “I don’t. I didn’t know-I don’t know his name and I- I’m sorry.” He looks at Louis, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry.”

Louis looks up at Edward with that blank expression; he watches him for a moment and moves his gaze to Harry. “C’mon, let’s go, Lou.” Harry mumbles and pulls Louis with him to the exit.

They walk in silence with their hands linked between them; the silence is heavy with unspoken words and so much disappointment on Harry’s part. He couldn’t get the image of his brother towering over a defenceless Louis out of his mind, the fact that Ed looks just like Harry only makes it worse.

“Thanks for not fucking me off.” Harry eventually says, he feels Louis’ eyes on the side of his face but keeps his eyes looking straight.

“What do you mean?” Harry can hear the frown in his voice; he looks over to see a frown and scrunched eyes.

“You trusted me and talked to me and laughed with me and hugged me when I cried when you could’ve easily stayed away. I wouldn’t blame you.”

Louis face spreads as he understands but it just scrunches back up, “You’re not your brother, Harry. You’re you. Edward’s Edward.”

Harry huffs a humourless laugh, “Edward’s a dick.”

Louis’ frown moves aside for a pout, “No.” He rolls his eyes when he sees Harry’s confused stare, “It’s called peer pressure.”

“It’s still not an excuse.” He stops walking and Louis stops with him, “How do you do that? Pretend it’s no big deal? Doesn’t it affect you at all?”

Louis shrugs and stares at Harry, he’s smiling but his eyes aren’t.

“Are you ever going to talk to me?” He asks and when Louis opens his mouth to answer, Harry cuts him off before he could come up with some bullshit answer, “No, I mean really talk to me, not just empty sarcasm.”

Louis gapes, “My sarcasm is not empty. Don’t you dare ever make that implication; I’m offended, wounded even. Lucky my mums a nurse or I could die tonight, you don’t even under-“

“Louis!” Harry snaps, “Stop it! Just stop! That all I ever get from you, you know everything about me and I know literally nothing about you.”

And with that Louis’ gone, his expression and eyes are completely blank and he stares ahead, “I’ll see you around, Harry.” He says after a long pause and turns to walk away, untangling his fingers from Harry in the process.

Harry’s left there in the street, his only two friends gone.

-

Harry knows that when he’d approach the staircase it’d be empty, just like it’s been for the past week, but it still hurts when he doesn’t find a smiling boy waiting for him. He spends his breaks alone now, with Louis avoiding Harry and Harry ignoring Edward’s apologies. And Harry is so lonely.

He tries giving Louis space, not going to look for him but it’s been a week and Harry just misses him. He’ll take it back, won’t ask for more than Louis wants to give. He’ll apologise and just hope he still has his friend.

So Harry looks, he checks the library, the deserted hallways, behind buildings and teacher lounges, for God’s sake. But Louis is nowhere to be found and Harrys getting desperate. He feels like he’s back to square one where he’s alone and kind of pathetic.

And it’s all crazy because Harry thought that maybe he could help Louis the way Louis’ been helping him. There are moments when Louis looks sad, moments when he thinks Harry’s not looking and he drops the smile that never reached his eyes. Harry would keep those moments to himself because he imagines that’s what the real Louis is like when he’s alone and not having to act. Harry imagines him to look both breathtaking and heart shattering.

It hurts Harry, to see him like that, to know that all those smiles and giggles aren’t real, that a gorgeous  human being like Louis feels any need to be upset. There’s also the selfish part that’s hurt because Louis doesn’t trust Harry, doesn’t let him see the real him. Harry’s cut himself open and laid himself out for Louis to see and Louis picked up all the pieces and put him back together but Harry can’t really stay together without Louis.

And now Louis has chosen to disappear.

-

“Edward.” Harry calls from where he’s stood by the door. Edward has taken to staying in now, working on homework or reading in their room which means Harry avoids that room like the plague.

Edward looks up from where he’s sitting at their desk working on homework, a little startled to be acknowledged, “Yeah?” He answers a little breathless.

“You know when you and your mates pick on Louis, where do you usually find him?” Harry asks, trying hard to hide the tremble in his voice but Edward obviously picks up on it because his expression turns guilty in an instant.

“Louis? Umm, I’m not quite- uh- I don’t know- behind the library?” Edward stumbles over his words, “But I’ve never gone looking for him, Harry, but I know that he usually-“

Harry cuts him off by a wave of his hand and leaves with a new place to look.

-

Behind the library is as deserted as Harry had always thought it to be, there’s nobody there and Harry is definitely losing his mind. How many places are there to hide?

He takes a seat in the overgrown grass, though, and hugs his knees to his chest. He thinks he’ll allow himself to cry now because he’s abandoned all hope to ever find Louis again, the boy can easily ignore him for a couple more months, graduate and move on without a second thought about pathetic Harry.

A few tears turn into body-trembling sobs that he can’t control.

He’s barely able to swallow the tears down when he hears feet shuffling but he doesn’t look. He has this big, soaring hope that it’s Louis, getting to his hide-out late but when the person settles themself beside Harry, he knows it’s not him. The body is bigger, heavier.

“I thought you’d be here.” Edwards says, “Louis’ in my maths class.” He says when Harry doesn’t answer or face him, “He wasn’t there today, or for the past few days really. Since last Thursday. And I was talking to this girl, Beth, she says she lives across the street from him and Wednesday night there was an ambulance in front of their house.”

At that Harry snaps hid head up to look at his brother who has his eyes shut tight and tears streaking his face, “What?” Is all he’s able to get out.

Edward shakes his head, “I don’t know, Beth said all she saw was his mum crying.”

Harry doesn’t really know how to respond, he doesn’t know what to say or do. All he knows is that Louis is out there somewhere lying in a hospital bed possibly permanently injured. The worst scenarios run through Harry’s head. Louis falling through a window, Louis squashed under a fallen closet, Louis pale and spewing his guts out, Louis getting abducted by aliens.

“He’s in St Mary’s Hospital.” Edward says and Harry doesn’t stay to hear anymore.

He rushes through the school halls and out the exit, abandoning all hesitation he might’ve had with ditching. Louis needs him. He dismisses all thoughts of patiently waiting for a bus and running down the street. If only he and Edward had let their mother spend her Christmas raise on a car for them but they felt like she deserved it.

St Mary’s Hospital is approximately fifteen minutes away but Harry feels like that is too much, he runs as fast as his legs could carry him, barely avoiding getting hit by cars multiple times until he’s just across the street from the hospital and has to wait for the stupid man to turn green. He balances his hands on his knees and tries to breathe.

The light turns green and Harry is back to running across the street, through the parking lot and to the front desk, “Excuse me, do you know where I could find Louis Tomlinson?” He asks through his heavy breathing.

The receptionist look at him with questioning eyes, “Are you family?”

Harry’s eyes widen, offcourse Louis would take the extra step to make sure nobody would see him. “N-no, but I’m his friend and I didn’t know until today and I need to see him.”

“Room 468, fourth floor, turn right, around the corner.”  She smiled at him with kind blue eyes that reminded him of Louis’ eyes, which are the perfect shade of blue. Unlike the receptionists’ which were a little too light for Harry’s liking.

“Thank you.” And with that, he’s gone again, barely catching the elevator doors as they close.

The fourth floor is quiet, with the occasional heart monitor beep, murmuring and shuffling feet, Harry turns the corner and skips three doors until he finds an open door, one glance in he can see Louis sitting in a bed, facing away from him, talking to a man.

Harry takes a moment to look Louis over before announcing his presence, Louis looks normal. A little pale but other than that and the tube hanging onto his arm, he looks absolutely normal in a navy sweater and sweats covered with a thin blanket. The man is obviously Louis’ father; they share the same tan skin and blue eyes.

Harry clears his throat and tentatively knocks on the door, two pairs of blue eyes snap to look at him and Harry shrinks a little under their gazes.

Louis’ eyes widen a little but he has no time to react before his father is getting up and standing between them, right in front of Harry. He stares at Harry with cold, judging eyes that Harry could never imagine Louis looking at him with.

“Can I help you?” He asks and his voice is just as cold as his eyes.

“Uh, hi, sir, Mr.Tomlison. I’m-“

“I know who you are.” He snaps.

Harry doesn’t really know what to say to that and he’s saved from answering by the movement behind Louis’ dad, they both turn to see Louis struggling to get to them while dragging the IV rack.

His dad rushes to his side and gently pushes him back to the bed, “It’s okay, Lou, you don’t need to get up. He was just leaving.” The last bit is aimed at Harry paired with a cold glare.

Harry’s still shocked by the whole encounter, but he wasn’t thick enough to think he’s still wanted so he mumbles an, “I’m sorry.” And steps back, he’s about to turn down the hall when he hears his name.

“Wait, Harry, wait!” he turns back around to see Louis chasing him with his IV rack and bare feet, “Harry,” he sighs in relief when he sees him, “I’m sorry about my dad, he thought you were Ed- it doesn’t really matter what he thought, I’m sorry.” He comes to stand in front of him with a small smile and squinted eyes, since he’s not wearing his glasses, Harry can imagine that Louis can’t see much right now.

“Why are you here? What happened?”

Louis looks down at that, “It’s really stupid, an honest mistake but everyone seems to think I’m suicidal now.” He chuckles lightly, like this is all a misunderstanding that’ll be forgotten by nightfall.

“What? Why would they think you’re suicidal?”

Louis takes Harry’s hand in his, and Harry has missed the feel of his skin so bad that he curls his fingers around Louis’ immediately, “Can we walk? I haven’t had lunch yet, we can go down to the cafeteria.” Louis looks at him with pleading eyes and Harry nods, as if he’ll ever say no to Louis.

“Okay. But don’t you need your glasses?”

“It’s okay, you’ll lead me.” And Louis smiles a full smile, one of those rare real ones that have Harry melting a little.

-

“It’s stupid, really.” Louis repeats, he’s sat across Harry in the dull hospital cafeteria that’s vacant except them and the lady behind the counter with a net over her hair. Louis is staring down at the vanilla yoghurt in front of him and fiddles with the plastic spoon.

“Just tell me what happened, Louis.” Harry tries to sound patient and understanding but he’s a wreck on the inside and he just wants an explanation.

“I’ve been…um…” Louis clears his throat and continues to stare down, “There are these pills that I need to take every day, and just before I was going to shower on Wednesday, I remembered that I had to take them. Turns out I’d already taken them that day but I’d forgotten. Not like anyone here believes that story.” He scoffs.

“What are the pills for?”

Louis looks up at that, he fish mouths for a moment as if trying to think up a good enough lie but then shakes him head, “High anxiety levels.” He murmurs.

“Anxiety?”

“I over exaggerate a lot, in my head,” He taps his temple with his fork, “and end up working myself up. Getting my maths homework done is like deactivating a bomb, most of the time.” He chuckles lightly.

Thoughts are flying around all over Harry’s brain and he tries to focus on one thing. There’s guilt, confusion, sadness and little bit of anger. Why did it take this, an overdose, to get Louis to open up and tell him that? Why couldn’t Louis just tell him everything like Harry had?

The last time Harry had seen Louis, he looked void of any emotion and walking away and Harry had so much to say to that but now that Louis is in front of him telling him something personal, Harry has no response. He remembers that the last time he saw Louis, he’d saved him from bullies- from his brother’s friends and, yeah, Harry’s also question if those extra pills were an accident or if Louis really had had enough.

“We’re friends, Louis, right?” Harry asks and Louis nods eagerly, “And you’d never lie to me, will you?” Louis hesitates a bit at that, but promptly shakes his head. “Was it an actual accident, Lou?” Harry asks with a slight tremble to his voice.

Louis gapes, “Fuck’s sake, Harry, yes!” Harry stares at him with wide, pleading eyes, still a little suspicious that Louis is putting up a front like usual rather than slowly stripping himself bare in front of Harry. Louis sees his expression and rolls his eyes, “Ok, my life’s no walk in the park and sometimes I fucking hate it because I don’t matter. Sometimes, yeah, that does get to me, that nobody notices me except the pricks that wanna give me shit but I’ve accepted it. Accepted that I won’t be remembered and probably spend the rest of my life alone but I refuse to die because of that. I refuse to do that to my parents, to my sisters, do I look mental, Harry?”

Harry looks at Louis through watery eyes and shakes his head, “You matter to me, Lou.”

“Thanks to Ed. You’ll graduate, move away, make friends of your own and forget about me. You won’t be the first.” Louis scoffs.

“Do you know that you’re my first ever real friend? Besides my brother who had no choice but be stuck with me.”

“That doesn’t-“

“It matters to me. You matter to me and I’ll never forget you, I’ll never leave you.” Harry stares into Louis’ eyes, begging him to understand him, to believe him because Harry doesn’t plan to leave Louis.

Louis stares right back and shakes his head, “I can’t do that to myself.” He mutters.

Harry’s heart drops at that, “What?” 

“I don’t want to just be your friend, Harry. I like you, you’re probably my best friend, but I want more and I refuse to stand by you and shove those feeling aside. Even if it means being alone.”

It’s Harry’s turn to fish mouth. He’s not used to Louis saying what he thinks, better yet what he feels, and he definitely wasn’t expecting a confession like that. Harry had never hidden his feeling for Louis, is always obvious about the care and affection he feels for the boy but it seems that Louis hadn’t picked up on it.

The hopeful look in Louis’ eyes sends Harry’s heart beating a mile a minute and he knows he should respond soon because the hopeful look is slowly fading but he just can’t formulate any words. He wants to tell Louis that he feels the same way, that he wants him by his side as his boyfriend- and, not to get a little ahead of himself, as his husband one day.

Louis drops his plastic fork into his untouched yoghurt and moves to stand up, Harry watches him with wide eyes and a mouthful of unspoken words, he drags his IV rack with him and just when he’s made it past the door does Harry regain feeling in his legs and gets up to chase after him.

“Louis! Lou, wait!” Harry catches his elbow to stop him.

Louis snatches his elbow away and turns to face him, “What, Harry?” The words come out small and almost whispered while Louis does everything to avoid his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve-“

“It’s okay, Harry, you don’t have to apologize. I was reading a little too much into everything, it’s probably why I’m in here to begin with. It’s my fault and I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. Sorry.”

“Louis, just listen to me for a minute, will you? God, I thought I was being obvious about my feeling, Lou. I’ve never kept anything from you, and I’m sorry that I haven’t been as obvious as I thought I was. I really like you, Lou, really really like you. Though, unlike you, I’d rather be next to you as just a friend than without you but all the same.” He ends with a chuckle and Louis is smiling up at him.

“Really? You’re not just saying that because you feel bad for me?”

“I’ve never lied to you and I don’t plan on starting now.” He reaches down to twine his fingers with Louis’ and smiles down at him. “I like this you.” He murmurs.

“This me?”

“You know, the you that doesn’t hide things from me.”

Louis’ smile widens even further, “I think I like this me, too.”

-

“Harry, please. Please, get me out of here. We can be like Bonnie and Clyde, you help me break out and we’ll run.”

Harry smiles down at his homework, “Just a couple more day and you’ll be out, love.”

Louis scoffs from where he’s lying down on the ground under his hospital bed, “Yeah, out of suicide watch. Seriously, am I the only one that sees how ridiculous this situation actually is?”

“Probably,” Harry mumbles.

“It’s been three weeks. I have not left this building in three weeks. How does the sun look like again?”

“He’s currently hiding under his hospital bed; I’ll let you if anything changes.” He hears shuffling from under the bed and tries to not look away from his textbook but can’t resist when he sees Louis’ head pop out from under the bed.

“Terrible. Terrible and cheesy and I resent it. Get out.” Louis says with a grimace but Harry doesn’t miss the blush dusting his cheeks.

Louis moves out from under the bed and plops himself on the bed beside Harry, peering over his shoulder at Harry’s biology homework. “Is this even in English?”

“No, it’s Dutch.”

Louis chuckles, buries himself under Harry’s arm and nuzzles into his side. He noses at his neck while placing soft, feather light kisses there.

“Stop.” Harry demands firmly.

“Stop what?” Louis murmurs into his skin as he sucks at his throat.

“That. You’re distracting me.”

“How?” He licks at the bruise that’s inevitably blooming. If there’s one thing Louis does more than talk is suck bruises into Harry’s skin. Harry thinks it’s an issue that needs to be dealt with.

“Like that. Your mouth, you’re tongue. Just ‘cause teachers refused to send you work doesn’t mean I don’t have any.”

Louis shrugs, “Perks of accidently nearly offing yourself.”

“Don’t say shit like that, Louis.”

Louis pulls back from where he was sucking on Harry’s earlobe, “Why? It happened.”

“I know,” Harry sighs, “But the thought of you lying on the ground, passed out. The thought of you not being here is just…-“

“Hey, I’m here. I’m not planning on going anywhere. Even if you get bored of me, I’ll just follow you around.”

“I’ll always want you around. Forever.”

“Forever? Promise?”

“Promise.”

Louis smiles his million watt smile, “Hey, Harry, wanna make out ‘till the nurse walks in and kicks you out?”

Harry doesn’t even hesitate before crashing his lips into Louis’.