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The room seemed cold all of a sudden, though the sheets were still warm from Sirius’ body. Remus sank back into the pillows with a disappointed sigh, listening to the cacophony of doors slamming that echoed around the flat. Still, he didn’t hear the front door shut, nor the distinctive crack of Disapparition, so that was something at least.
He lay still for a few minutes, allowing his breathing to return to normal and his erection to wilt, before hauling himself up out of bed. After pulling on his pants and the t-shirt he’d ripped off Sirius’ back only a few minutes earlier, he made his way to the door, taking care to avoid the slick puddle on the floor from when Sirius had thrown the lube away in a fit of pique.
It didn’t take him long to find Sirius, who was sitting on the window-sill in the living room, smoking into the misty drabness of the early autumn evening.
‘Padfoot...’
Sirius’ back stiffened at the mention of his name, and for a moment Remus considered giving up and running away himself. But then he reminded himself that the fact that Sirius had neither left the flat nor turned into a dog was as much a sign that he wanted to talk as Remus could hope for, and determined to press on.
‘Sirius,’ he said softly, taking a step closer.
‘Leave me alone.’ Sirius threw the cigarette stub out of the window, without so much as a backward glance to Remus.
Remus carried on walking until he stood next to Sirius, watching him the whole time. ‘No,’ he said lightly. He placed his hand on Sirius’ shoulder, but Sirius twisted and shook it off. ‘I’m not going to leave you alone.’
Outside it was starting to rain, a fine drizzle dampening the air and clouding the streetlights. Sirius kept his eyes fixed on the world beyond the window frame. ‘Why not?’ he muttered. ‘Why can’t you just go away and let me be?’
‘Because I want to talk to you,’ Remus explained, earning himself a snort of derision from Sirius. ‘It’s very bad form to run out on someone when you’re in the middle of having sex with them,’ he continued teasingly. ‘The least you could do is tell me why.’
Remus’ tone was gentle, but the comment riled Sirius enough to make him turn around at last, his expression stormy. ‘Fine. I’m crap in bed, obviously. Go ahead and laugh.’ He turned back towards the window, glaring out at the darkness.
‘I'd never laugh at you,’ Remus told him gently. 'I didn’t think you were crap.'
Sirius turned back to him again. ‘You don’t mean you enjoyed that?’ He boggled.
‘Sirius, you were naked and I was allowed to touch you,’ said Remus. ‘That’s pretty much my definition of a good time.’
There might almost have been something approaching a smile tugging at the corners of Sirius’ mouth, just for a moment, but it was gone in a second, replaced by a stony frown. ‘Yeah, well, making a complete twat of myself isn’t my idea of a good time.’
Remus hesitated. Dealing with Sirius’ considerably-sized, yet fragile ego was a delicate task at the best of times, and the immediate aftermath of their spectacularly botched attempt at relieving Sirius of his virginity was about as far from the best of times as he could imagine. It didn’t take a genius to see that Sirius was hurt, angry and humiliated, and this was a volatile combination.
‘I’m sorry,’ Remus whispered softly. ‘I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.’
‘’S’not your fault.’ Sirius shrugged. ‘I mean, you’ve done this before, right? So obviously you can do it and…Well, I must just be a lousy lay. Or maybe I’m just frigid.’ There was a forced lightness to Sirius’ tone that did nothing to cover the bitter bite of disappointment and self-recrimination in his words.
‘Don’t be daft,’ said Remus. ‘Of course you’re not frigid.’ He squashed the little flare of panic at the pit of his stomach that maybe Sirius really was frigid, because that would spoil his plans far more than any temper-tantrum.
‘Right,’ spat Sirius sarcastically as he swung his legs down from the window sill, turning so that he was facing Remus directly. The movement drew Remus’ attention to the fact that Sirius was, bizarrely, wrapped in a tablecloth that he must have grabbed to cover his nudity when he stormed out of the bedroom. Remus found he had to swallow heavily as the fabric shifted to reveal the toned contours of Sirius’ thigh.
‘Yeah,’ Remus echoed, a little hoarsely.
Sirius snorted. ‘And how many nineteen-year-old virgins do you know?’
‘Nineteen isn’t that old,’ said Remus. ‘Besides, it’s not like you never got the chance—you could have shagged half of Hogwarts if you’d wanted to.’
‘Perhaps,’ said Sirius blankly, staring down at the floor, his expression tense and thoroughly miserable. ‘Didn’t, though, did I?’
‘Why?’ asked Remus. He’d always wondered why Sirius had never chosen to exploit his good looks and charm in that particular arena and seemed less interested in getting laid than could possibly be healthy, but had been afraid to ask. Still, it wasn’t like either of them could get very much more embarrassed, so it seemed like as good a time as any to try and find out.
‘I just didn’t want to!’ snapped Sirius. ‘I mean, yeah, I suppose I could have found someone and just done it, so that I could say I had and to stop Prongs making jokes about Chastity Charms, but what’s the point if it wasn’t what I want?’
Remus’ blinked, slightly taken aback by Sirius’ outburst ‘And what do you want, Padfoot?’
Sirius took a deep breath, kicking the heel of one foot against the wall. ‘You,’ he said, and he looked Remus in the eye for the first time since he’d left the bedroom, with a small, sad smile on his face that made Remus ache in ways he couldn’t quite fathom. ‘I only ever wanted you. I waited for this for so long and…I can’t believe I screwed it up.’ He dropped his eyes, looking down at his knees with the faintest tinge of a blush colouring his cheeks.
‘Oh, Padfoot.’ Remus crooked his finger under Sirius’ chin, tilting his face up, and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. ‘You didn’t screw up. It’s just a…glitch.’
‘Right.’ Sirius let out a hollow laugh. ‘Moony, you may think you’ve been discreet about all your conquests, but I know what a horny little bastard you are. You aren’t going to want a boyfriend who can’t even fuck.’
Remus cringed at Sirius’ mention of his past ‘conquests’ and tried not to think about how much of an accusation that was meant to be, or whether Sirius really thought so little of him. Impulsively, he grabbed hold of Sirius’ hand to reassure him. Sirius flinched, but didn’t quite pull away.
‘Lots of people find their first time difficult. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it.’ Remus gave Sirius a teasing smile. ‘You can’t expect to be brilliant at everything first time, you know. You just need to give it time.’
‘And what if the universe hates me and this is the one thing I can’t do?’ Sirius waved his arm dramatically, pulling his hand out of Remus’ grasp.
‘Sirius, you are not frigid. You were just a bit nervous, that’s all,’ said Remus. ‘And even if you were, well, I’d be happy to be with you even if I never get to fuck you,’ continued Remus Lupin, Master of The White Lie.
Sirius fell silent, and for several long moments the only sound in the room was the wind rattling the window panes and the distant whine of a police siren. ‘I just panicked,’ Sirius admitted at last in a small, defeated voice. ‘I don’t like not knowing and…Fuck, I’m being pathetic, aren’t I?’
‘Not really.’ Remus smoothed Sirius’ hair back and kissed him on the forehead. ‘I probably just went a bit too fast, that’s all. We can try again—when you’re ready.’
Sirius nodded mutely, but looked as though he found the prospect about as exciting as a History of Magic test.
‘In the meantime,’ said Remus, leaning closer and placing his hand on Sirius’ knee, ‘there are a lot of other things we could be doing.’
Sirius blinked up at him, eyes wide and suspicious. ‘Like what?’ he asked.
‘Kissing,’ said Remus, leaning over to kiss Sirius’ neck, ‘touching.’
‘Kissing and touching aren’t sex,’ protested Sirius, folding his hands over his chest and pouting.
‘They're not exactly Quidditch either,’ retorted Remus. ‘Besides,’ he continued, sliding his hand up Sirius’ leg, ‘there’s a lot more ways for us to have sex than just me sticking my cock up your arse.’
Sirius’ breathing hitched, and he leant back against rain-mottled glass of the window pane. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yes,’ soothed Remus, ducking his head to kiss the other side of Sirius’ neck. ‘I can rub up against you, bite you, feel you up.’ He wrapped his other arm around Sirius’ waist, pushing the tablecloth out of the way so that he could stroke Sirius’ arse, and sucked his earlobe into his mouth.
‘Ah.’ Sirius gasped, writhing under Remus’ attentions.
Remus kept touching, kissing and caressing him, and kept talking. ‘I could suck your cock.’
Sirius flushed. ‘I’m not sure that’s hygienic.’
Remus kicked himself for underestimating Sirius’ prudishness so badly, and made a mental note not to mention rimming for a very long time. ‘Is touching OK?’
Leaning back against the window, Sirius looked almost relaxed at last. ‘It’s nice,’ he agreed, a little reluctantly. ‘But it’s not really proper sex though, is it?’
‘Improper sex it is,’ said Remus, grinning. He skimmed his fingers over Sirius’ crotch, only just touching his erection. ‘Although your cock seems to disagree.’
Sirius gasped and let out a shaky laugh. ‘When you used to sit next to me in Charms, I got hard every time you picked up your wand, and I’m pretty sure we weren’t having sex then. Professor Flitwick would have noticed.’
‘If you’re going to talk about other men while I’m trying to feel you up, I’m going to get terribly jealous, you know,’ said Remus, grinning. He grabbed hold of Sirius’ wrist, pulling him forwards. ‘C’mon. Come back to bed.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I want to carry on not having sex with you somewhere more comfortable,’ Remus told him. He yanked Sirius to his feet, letting the tablecloth fall to the floor and leaving Sirius completely naked before him. Remus drew a sharp breath and licked his lips—Sirius’ brain may have been temporarily transformed into gormless mushy kneazle-treats, but his body was lovely.
Sirius looked down, the silken dark strands of his hair obscuring his face and a faint flush glowing on his cheeks. But there was an embarrassed half-smile on his face and he allowed Remus to lead him away from the window and into the bedroom without further protest.
Once they reached the bedroom Remus pushed Sirius backwards onto the bed and rapidly tore off his t-shirt and pants. He crawled up the bed on top of Sirius, pressing kisses to his stomach, chest and shoulders as he went. ‘OK?’ he whispered when he reached Sirius’ face.
‘Yeah,’ breathed Sirius. ‘’S’really good, Moony.’ He paused and bit his lip. ‘I don’t know what to do though.’
Remus smiled, running his hand up the side of Sirius’ body. ‘You don’t have to do anything. Just lie there and let me take care of you.’
‘That’s not really fair, is it?’
‘Don’t talk daft,’ said Remus, nuzzling the side of Sirius’ face. ‘I’m quite happy just to play with you.’
Remus’ fringe was tickling Sirius’ neck, making him laugh and wriggle beneath him. ‘’M not a toy, Moony.’
‘You could be my toy,’ said Remus, drawing himself upright to look down on Sirius, drinking in the vision of his perfectly formed body, all hard planes and smooth skin. ‘You’d make a very beautiful toy,’ he added as he traced one finger up the length of Sirius’ cock. ‘Sex toy.’
Sirius gasped and arched his back. ‘Fuck, Moony.’
‘You like that, don’t you?’ said Remus. ‘Like the idea of being my toy, letting me play with you.' He skimmed his hand around to cup Sirius’ balls, cradling them against his palm. ‘Maybe I’ll tie you to the bed so you can’t run away from me again.’
‘Moony!’ Sirius’ cock twitched at the suggestion, but there was a flicker of fear tinged with excitement on his face.
‘Another time,’ said Remus, leaning over him. ‘For now, I want you to touch me. Hold me, Padfoot.’
Sirius wrapped his arms tentatively around Remus’ waist, awkward at first, and hesitant. He slowly started to stroke Remus’ back, fingers dancing jerkily across Remus’ skin. When Sirius was bold enough to tangle one hand in Remus’ hair and grab hold of Remus’ arse with the other, Remus decided he’d had enough of teasing him and pressed their mouths together in a deep, messy kiss. Sirius’ tongue was hot and wet in his mouth and his body warm and lithe, the contact sending tingles over Remus’ skin.
His inhibitions apparently falling away, Sirius rutted up against him, his cock hot and sticky-hard against Remus’ hip and his hands grasping Remus’ and groping his arse.
Gaping for breath, Remus broke the kiss. ‘Want you,’ he gasped, forcing his hand between their bodies to grab hold of Sirius' cock and pushing it up against his own.
‘Fuck!’ Sirius threw his head back, his sweat-damped hair fanned over the pillow and his face shining. Remus considered holding back, trying to make it last, but the expression of breathless ecstasy on Sirius’ face drove all thoughts of restraint out of his mind. He wrapped his fingers around Sirius’ cock and stroked it firmly, loving the way his touch made Sirius gasp and writhe beneath him.
It didn’t take long for Sirius to come, his face screwed up and his chest heaving as he choked out Remus’ name.
‘You’re fucking gorgeous when you come, you know,’ Remus told Sirius as he lay panting beneath him.
‘I…’ Sirius gasped. ‘I’m…’
‘Not finished,’ Remus continued for him, taking Sirius’ hand and guiding it to his own aching prick. He closed his eyes and tensed as he felt Sirius’ fingers close around his cock, then thrust mindlessly into his fist.
‘Moony?’
Remus opened his eyes and saw Sirius watching him, enthralled, his wide grey eyes sparkling and his lips crimson and kiss-stung. The sight of Sirius looking so delightfully sensual, blissed-out in post-orgasmic wonderment, the sensation of Sirius’ body, sticky-hot and hard against him, and the feeling of Sirius’ fingers curled firmly around his cock made Remus feel dizzy and drunk with lust. He thrust again and again until orgasm overtook him and he came hard in Sirius’ hand, the sound of Sirius’ and his own ragged breathing pounding in his ears and the scent of sweat-salted skin in his nostrils.
They lay in silence for a few moments, until the cooling sweat and come made Remus’ skin prickle, and he climbed off Sirius, lying on his side to face him on the bed. This time it was Sirius who moved to kiss him, a gentle press of lips as his hand stroked Remus’ cheek. ‘OK?’
‘Brilliant.’
‘I think,’ announced Sirius after a long pause, ‘that I might not be frigid after all.’
Remus laughed and pulled Sirius closer to kiss him again. ‘I think we’ve established that pretty firmly.’
‘I made you come,’ said Sirius, looking so elated and self-satisfied that Remus wondered whether he expected to be awarded ten points to Gryffindor for it.
‘You did.’ Remus smiled. ‘See, I told you weren’t crap in bed.’
‘Mm.’ Sirius beamed. ‘So, am I good then?’
‘Well, you were all right,’ Remus teased, ‘but I think you probably need more practice.’
‘Huh?’ Sirius’ face fell momentarily. ‘Oh,’ he added after a moment’s thought. ‘I see what you mean. Yes, I expect I’ll need lots of practice.’
‘Hours and hours,’ agreed Remus.
Sirius curled against Remus, pressing their bodies together. ‘Think you might want to help me out there?’
Remus grinned. ‘I certainly don’t want you practising with anyone else,’ he said as he pulled Sirius on top of him.