Archive of Our Own

they're sitting on the edge. their legs overhang, feet dangling down towards the distant water. leaning back on their hands, pinkies overlapping and kim has found herself with trini's jacket over her shoulders. not that she's cold,

but it's cool and the sun is setting and with the rising darkness trini is chivalrous. she had wordlessly slipped off her jacket and deposited it across kim's shoulders, picking up their conversation about the latest shenanigans at trini's summer job at the movie theater.

[she and zack work there so it's eighty percent bullshit anyway and twenty percent 'we're only keeping this job for the discounted movie tickets']

it's benign conversation really, chatter to fill the spaces and eventually it wanes. the silence that rises isn't uncomfortable, trini likes her silence and she likes her space.

dating trini is full of moments like this and it took time to learn, to remember that this is just trini, that she - like kim - is not used to having people. having a real people be on her side. and there are times when trini's rough edges are sharp, but kim has her own edges. sometimes [frequently] trini surprises kim, taking her silence but shifting closer, tucking herself against kim's side.

she's unusually stiff, unusually quiet kim will come to realize. there's a tension in trini's spine that she doesn't usually see when it's just the two of them. it is not entirely unfamiliar, this particular way that trini will pull into herself. kim catches flashes of it tugging at trini's shoulders when they're at the ship, training against putties. or when they're at billy's, watching movies and the night is stretching on and on. yet it's here tonight, when it is just the pair of them and the setting sun, so kim does the only thing she can think of:

kim leans back onto one hand and brings the other to run through trini's hair. gentle fingers working out a days worth of tangles.

trini lets out a quiet sigh and closes her eyes, pressing her head into kims touch. kim looks down to see a wash of emotions flickering across trinis face. it spurns something in her that she can't place and isn't sure existed in this entirety before trini came into her life like this.

it pushes kim to say gently, hoping she's not pushing too many boundaries - but clearly trini is upset and kim will never be able to ignore that. so, she is saying, with an uptick in her pulse

"you can talk to me about anything."

kim says it to a sky ablaze above them and feels trini's breath catch in her chest.

"i mean it." kim adds, so softly her voice barely travels.

trini's quiet, muted reply is said with her eyes still firmly shut.

"i know."

two words that do nothing to ease the worry curling in kims gut, a worry that only deepens when, in the settled darkness trini is shifting away and trini is saying

"my mom wants me to look after my brother early tomorrow." pause "she has a doctors appointment."

which,

when kim gets home she will realize that was a lie. she knows this because her summer job as a part-time receptionist at really the only doctors office left standing in town, gives her access to the calendar.

and mrs. ortiz was, is, not on that schedule.

now though, in the present where trini is standing and wiping dusty hands on worn jeans, kim is standing too. she's reaching for trini's hand, surprised when trini lets her take it, lacing their fingers.

"you okay?" kim asks.

trini looks away, looks up and lies for the second time that night saying

"yeah," a smile flickers across her lips "fine."

kim realizes later trini is not fine.

*

specifically, kim realizes at three thirty in the morning when she's not sleeping and everything about trini's behaviour, this pulling away, hiding parts of herself, seems like something kim should have seen coming.

not because trini makes a habit of lying, but,

there are shadows in her eyes sometimes. the depths of which kim can't see, can't trace and trini has never been willing to talk about them. and kim, won't push. she's still learning the subtle ways to coax trini into talking to her.

it's worse because kim is ninety nine percent sure that whatever has trini twisted and quiet isn't anything simple. it's not something kim could ever turn to her,

well,

not her parents,

but kim highly doubts there's a google search for

hi google my girlfriend is a power ranger and i'm not sure how to get her to talk about how the whole saving the world thing is affecting her

so it leaves kim aching because she knows how much pain trini keeps bottled up. how much she keeps locked away, even from kim.

so kim doesn't sleep until the sun is coming up and she hears her mother getting up for work. the quiet conversation between them as her father takes bags down to the car. she knows she's risking some comment about sleeping her summer away, but kim is exhausted, caught in a tangle of worry and apparently trini is busy all morning so kim figures she may as well sleep.

it's fitful and she wakes only a few hours later, feeling none the more rested and all the more worried.

kim tries to assuage both feelings by taking a shower and sending trini a text. it's nothing fancy, just

[9:22am] kim: lunch?

kim isn't surprised when she hears nothing for the next hour.

the next two.

it's when lunch time has come and gone that she feels the worry that developed overnight swell again.

enough so that kimberly drives across town to trini's house. nothing like being direct, maybe trini broke her phone.

[like they all do every once in a while]

she knocks on the front door and is greeted by both trini's little brother shrieks of delight as they pull the door open.

"kimberly! kimberly!" they're saying "will you play video games with us?"

from the kitchen kimberly hears "boys, you know better to open the door like that." and "leave kimberly alone i'm sure she's not here to play with you." mrs. ortiz says, appearing in the doorway with a warm smile "kimberly," she says "if you're looking for trini i'm afraid she's not here."

kimberly does not let that spike of worry seep into her veins in the form of a rising pulse.

[it happens anyway]

"oh," she says "no," she lies "i was just hoping to pick up a book of mine. my mom wants to send it to a cousin."

mrs. ortiz gestures towards the stairs "you know where to go."

"thank you mrs. ortiz." kimberly replies with an impeccable sense of false calm, ascending the stairs.

trini's bedroom door is ajar and kimberly steps inside. she's never actually been in it with trini not around, and it feels like intruding. there's a power rangers poster up on the wall, covering the repairs. trini's bed is made, one of her bedside tables is missing, replaced by trini's desk chair and there's a pile of notebooks and binders from semester past on a shelf. clothes are in a heap on the floor, like trini got home last night and just crawled directly into bed.

it's the trophies that catch kims eye. heaped in a box halfway sticking out of trini's closet. kim can't help herself, she takes a step closer and picks one up, reading the engraving on the back of a medal.

second place - regional championships - 2016

she flips it over and runs a thumb across the figures on the front. one throwing the other onto the ground, something kim has seen trini do to putties time and time again.

it feels like a reminder that there's still so much she's learning about trini.

[its not like she didn't know. it's that it was obvious from the way trini fought that she'd trained before. but training is one thing. competing at a national level is another entirely]

stepping back, feeling like she's snooped enough, she types up a text, standing there in trini's room

[2:45pm] kim: are you okay?

kim swallows hard before pressing send and then grabs the first book she sees, the first book that is actually hers, and heads back downstairs. the boys ask her again if she's sure she can't stay and a play,

but as much as she would like to,

she can't.

kim really, really can't.

she's dropping the outsiders off on her passenger seat and she's pulling out her phone because she felt it vibrate and that vibration means it's trini

[2:47pm] trini: can we talk?

which is somehow a relief and anxiety invoking to the nth degree.

but kimberly replies with shaking hands as fast as she can

[2:50pm] kim: of course. where/when

she makes it around the corner before her phone vibrates that stupid heartbeat vibration, and kim finds herself pulling over in the blazing sun just to see

[2:52pm] trini: your place?

[2:52pm] trini: tonight?

kim is thanking everything that her parents are driving to san francisco for a conference or whatever this weekend. meaning the house is empty and theirs, so she can text back

[2:53pm] kim: yes and yes. i'll order pizza.

trini's reply is instantaneous

[2:54pm] trini: i'll be there at 6

kim checks her clock and sighs,

only three hours. three long, excruciating hours.

*

trini arrives exactly at six pm.

there are shadows in her eyes and kim is surprised to see trini with a duffle slung over one shoulder "are you-?" she starts

"only if you want." trini cuts her off, following kim's gaze to said bag.

trini has never once, in the history of kim dating her, asked to stay the night.

or invited kim to do the same.

"yeah," kim smiles, something like relief flooding her system because if trini is asking to stay the night, trini isn't breaking up with her "of course. my parents are out of town."

trini nods "i saw."

a beat of silence and then,

"pizza's in the living room, i've got netflix lined up." kim gestures, swallowing hard "if you'd rather eat first and then," she trails off.

trini nods, depositing her duffle at the bottom of the stairs, and padding across hardwood floors in just her socks.

[they're pink, kim notices - a colour kim is pretty sure trini never wore before dating her]

trini collapses onto the ottoman, doing her best to appear relaxed by leaning forward and pulling a slice of pizza her way - but her movements are stilted and there's tension kim can see without looking for it.

they put on stranger things - trini's choice and now they're both hooked - but they only manage an episode and a half before trini is so curled in on herself and so stiff that kim is reaching for the remote.

she hits pause, looking over at trini, at the way the light of the tv is illuminating half her face. and just what kim can see, there's so much tension etched into her furrowed brow.

"talk to me." kim says, breaking the silence with those careful words and reaching out for trini's hand.

trini blinks, seems to draw her knees further to her chest "kim," she says, her voice a whisper "i-" trini stops, pressing her chin into her kneecaps.

kim moves her thumb in easy circles across the back of trini's hand, trying to be calming and not project the bundle of nerves that she thinks might consume her.

"i -" she shakes her head "i don't know how to talk about this."

thats something.

that's enough to make kim breathe a little easier, keep her hand in trini's and ask "does it have something to do with where you were all day?"

"no," trini replies too quickly, "yes." then "kind of." her shoulders sag and she pulls away from kim, looking towards the distant wall.

"please talk to me." kim offers "if it's - if you're in trouble," she swallows hard "i'll help you."

kim can say that, without knowing anything of the situation not because she is a power ranger. but because this is trini and if trini is in trouble than kim will help.

"it's not like that." trini replies "it's not," she pauses "we already dealt with the problem."

kim can see trini biting her lip and then, trini is taking a deep breath and all at once she's saying "i'm scared to sleep with you."

she says it to the tv.

kim blinks twice "scared?" she chokes, feeling like that's the wrong thing to say, but it's spilling from kim's lips before she can stop it. trini seems to drift further away, but she's nodding and she's embarrassed - kim can see it "i'm sorry." kim says "i -"

"i'm scared i'm going to hurt you." trini says "i have nightmares. and they," she shakes her head and all at once kim realizes that trini means literally sleeping with.

not sleeping with as a euphemism for sex.

"they're always of rita."

and oh,

oh,

oh

kim understands in a rush and all of her fear and all of her tension seems to dissipate. replaced instead by this need to pull trini into her arms and hold her close.

not yet, not yet.

"she's in my bedroom again. she's choking me out." trini says, her gaze fixed on the frozen tv "i can't get away. i can't move. she's just standing there, strangling me. telling me she's going to kill everyone i lo -, everyone i care about. my parents. my brothers. my abuela. zack. jason. billy." pause "you."

kim swallows hard, but lets trini keep going.

"and i fight her. i try and fight her but she," trini's voice cracks "she always wins and i always die and when i wake up," she only glances kim's direction when kim's hand covers one of her own "i break things." trini settles on, kim thinks of the vanished bedside table "and i don't," she shakes her head "it's too dangerous."

there's a beat and then kim asks "is this why you lied to me last night? about your moms doctors appointment?"

trini swallows and nods, looking at kim when she apologises "i'm shouldn't have. i'm sorry."

"thank you." kim says "is that why you've been leaving movie nights early and-"

kim thinks of every time trini has said

'church'

or

'work'

or any other of a hundred things as a reason to leave early.

"yeah." trini says, that tensions rising again "i didn't - i didn't know how to tell you because," she pauses again "i want to sleep with you." she says finally, her voice getting softer "i like how i feel when i'm with you." she admits "but i-"

"you don't want to hurt me." kim supplies.

"yeah." trini sighs, deflated "not just that, i was scared how you would take it. i - it's stupid."

"it's not stupid." kim says at once and trini glances at her, alarmed, confused.

"how is it not stupid?"

kim explains "we have a really good air mattress." she says "i'll put that up next to my bed and -"

"i tell you i have nightmares about the alien witch who took great pleasure in strangling me and you just, that's okay?"

"we all have nightmares." kim says gently, firmly "i don't know, i mean, rita didn't come into my room and attack me. but she still, billy died trini. and i nearly burned alive. we all have nightmares." she repeats "okay? and if that means you don't want to share a bed with me yet, i'm okay with that."

"how?"

kim shrugs, squeezing trini's hand "it's like i like you or something."

"kimberly."

"i mean it." kim says, looking at trini "whatever pace you want is fine by me. i want everything we do to be entirely consensual." she wraps an arm around trini's shoulders, pulling her closer "okay?" and then "you're really going to like the air mattress."

trini lets out a wet laugh and a sniffle. kim settles for pulling trini closer and reaching with the other arm to drape a blanket over them. only then does she feel trini's breathing quicken, the freedom of her fears coursing through her as trini realizes that kim doesn't hate her. that kim isn't angry.

kim resumes stranger things, murmuring every so often "we're okay." until trini stops shaking and kisses kims neck gently, briefly.

"thank you." trini mumbles.

*

they stumble up to kim's bedroom somewhere past midnight.

"sit there." kim says pointing to her bed "let me get the air mattress."

"you don't-" trini starts to protest

"i want to." kim says, decidedly not explaining how she wants trini within arms reach and not in the guest room down the hall.

maybe trini knows anyway, because her protest stops there and she sits on the edge of kims bed as kim disappears out into the hall. the air mattress is kept in its box in the hallway closet, but kim detours to feed oscar. he glowers at her from under her parents bed, or she assumes it's from under their bed, given from where the low growl is emanating.

sure enough when she comes back trini is in shorts and a sleep shirt, standing by kim's mirror - looking at the photo of the five of them.

"it's a good photo." she says quietly to kim.

kim smiles "yeah, it is." and then "you want to plug this in for me, i'll find spare sheets and stuff?"

trini nods and kim snags her own pants and tank top. she finds a pile of spare sheets and a pillow and blanket, leaves them outside the bathroom door and then changes. her body is thrumming, most of the last episode of stranger things they watched was not seen at all.

kim checks in the mirror and sure enough, just under her collarbone is a hickey.

she presses at it gingerly, a little awed at how different the experience can be, getting a hickey from a boy, versus trini giving her one. trini so dedicated to making sure that kim is okay with where it will be, with making sure kim wants it.

perhaps that's the difference.

she reenters the bedroom and sees trini sitting down atop the inflated mattress.

"good?" kim asks.

trini nods, standing up and taking the sheets and such from kims arms.

"thank you." trini says seriously.

"i meant what i said downstairs." kim replies "okay? your pace."

they talk while trini makes her bed, while they're laying there, side by side and trini mumbles

"why am i always lower than you?" because in her bed, rolled onto her side, kim is looking over and down at trini.

she has one hand dangling down and trini is holding it, their fingers laced.

kim laughs "you want to switch? you can take my zord."

trini shakes her head, squeezing kims hand and yawns "not tonight."

"for later then." kim replies, yawning too.

"mmm." trini hums sleepily, her eyes closing "night kim." she says into the dark.

"night trini."

*

kim wakes up first.

she wakes up and at first, in the still of the night, she's not sure why she's woken up. she lays on her back, looking up at the ceiling for two deep breaths. then she hears it.

the soft whimper.

kim rolls onto her side, looking down over the edge of her bed, remembering all at once that trini is here. that trini is tangled in the duvet, the sheet fisted in her hand. there's a pained expression on her face, one that deepens and another muted cry catches in trini's throat.

she's twisting and kim is sitting up, trying to figure out what to do. she knows nothing about waking people up from nightmares. are you supposed to touch them? are you not supposed to touch them?

kim doesn't know. what she does know is that she can't just sit here, in the half dark, and watch trini whimper and cry out. so kim moves slowly, she slips out of her bed, feet landing on the hardwood in the space between the beds.

her shins are pressing against the air mattress and kim kneels down as slowly as she can, bracing on a hand and then -

something in trini's dream turns and if not for well trained reflexes kim may have taken a fist to the face. instead, before she can think about it, she's caught trini's fist in her hand as gently, gently as she can. trini is reacting, twisting away crying out

stop!

and

leave me alone, please

with a biting sob that rips up trini's throat and kim is grabbing trini's other, flailing arm and she's saying

"trini, it's okay. it's okay." she's repeating over and over again "it's just a dream. it's not real."

kim feels unsure and slightly like she may be making things worse because trini is still fighting her, still crying out. it's taking all of kim's strength to keep trini still.

which ends badly. it ends with kim being flung sideways into her bed. back hitting it with a crack and kim feels the breath forced from her ribs. it's nothing that will cause lasting damage,

to her at least, nothing to say for her bed.

that's not kim's priority though, her focus is trini. who's gasped awake and who's looking around wildly.

half wedged into the space between the beds, kim puts her hands in the air, trying to catch trini's eyes "it's okay." she says steadily "it's just me. trini," she says, when their eyes finally meet "okay? you're okay."

except trini doesnt think she is.

she's shaking her head, trying to take a deep breath, looking past kim "your bed." trini says, her eyes wide.

kim turns, looking at the way her bed is dipping in the middle, then back to trini "it's okay."

"kim i broke your bed. i - how did i break your bed?"

"it doesn't matter." kim says firmly, kneeling back up on the mattress "trini it doesn't matter."

"this," trini gestures around "this is a mess."

kim reaches for trini's hand "it's okay."

"stop saying that." trini bites, pulling her hand away, running it through her hair.

kim retracts her hand like it's been burned, letting it fall to her lap. she doesn't know how to help. doesn't know how to try and calm trini down.

they sit there in silence for a while. kim unwilling to leave, and trini seemingly unable to move.

"'m sorry." trini says, arms wrapped around her knees "i shouldn't have snapped at you."

kim swallows hard, her voice is soft in the darkness and she looks across at trini, face half illuminated by the street light "i don't know how to help." she admits

"me either." trini laughs bitterly, but the venom is missing "i think i broke your air bed too."

looking at it, kim can see the slight depression where trini's sunk towards the floor.

"no," kim says "i thinks that's probably oscar's doing."

"oscar?"

"my moms cat."

trini blinks at her "i didn't even know you had a cat."

"i don't. he's my moms." it's an important distinction because the cat doesn't so much as tolerate kim, let alone socialize with her.

trini nods, knees still close to her chest, but doesn't say anything.

"take my bed." kim says quietly, standing "i'll take the guest room."

trini shakes her head, rolling off the bed and standing "i should-"

"show up at your house at four in the morning?" kim offers, stepping across the air mattress, finding trini's hand "take my bed." she insists quietly.

trini takes a deep breath and shakes her head "i don't-" she says, and her voice breaks "i don't-"

but whatever the words are trini can't seem to get them out. instead, she's wavering where she stands, looking far more vulnerable in the first hints of sunrise than kim has ever seen her.

"okay," kim whispers, pulling trini in for a hug "we don't have to. we can go downstairs and watch more netflix. okay? we can cuddle and," she trails off, unsure what else to say.

it seems however that the hug has done something to trini, has broken some barrier because she's whispering "i just want her to leave me alone. i can still feel her. it's like she was in my head. is in my head."

that much, kim understands.

she thinks rita is haunting all of them, but no one so much as trini.

they stand there, tangled together as the sun begins its ascent over angel grove. kim running her hand down trini's back over and over again, feeling so out of her depth, but knowing there's no where else she wants to be.

eventually, the tears subside and before trini can make another bid at going home, kim is steering them both to the living room. she can feel sleep tugging at her edges again, but for the moment she's able to fend it off until they have lilo and stitch playing.

until kim is sprawled out on the sofa and trini is laying half on top of her, their legs tangled. she's still breathing in uneven little hiccups, head resting against kim's chest. her hand carding through trini's hair because she doesn't know where else to put it.

kim's asleep before stitch even crash lands on earth.

and trini follows soon after, despite herself.

*

waking up to trini sprawled across her is something of a dream for kim. she isn't immediately sure what time it is, nor is she particularly inclined to move and find her phone. instead kim lays there, half on her back, half on her side. one arm trapped and dead beneath trini.

kim can hear the distant sounds of her neighborhood. someone mowing their lawn, kids shrieking and running around. her immediate surroundings are quiet. the house nearly empty save for oscar hiding somewhere and the pair of them in the living room.

she finally dares a glance down at trini, who's head is resting on her chest and she's drooling. something that should exponentially gross kim out, but instead, she's not at all. it's almost endearing.

before long though, kim has to rescue her arm. it's with minute shifts that she withdraws it from under trini, trying not to wake her. too late however because trini is lifting her head, seemingly surprised at where she is.

"what time is it?" she grumbles, eyes squinted against the light for one that before dropping her head back down to rest on kims chest.

"hang on." km replies and she stretches, feeling blindly behind her for her phone. holding it above her head she presses the home button and sees " nearly ten." she says, dropping phone back behind her.

"fuck." trini grumbles after a beat.

"fuck?'

trini shakes her head and doesn't reply for long moment and the, muffled against kim's shirt

"i broke your bed." trini say finally, and there, descending down her spine in a ripple, is the tension and the anxiety.

she pushes up, away from kim. sitting so her feet hit the floor and trini is looking firmly at the wall "hand me my phone?" she asks, again, not looking at kim.

"it's upstairs." kim reminds, instead handing trini hers.

something brightens inside when she sees trini type in her password without needing to ask kim for it. instead, kim lays there, stretched out and watching trini type something into chrome.

kim's too tired to really get a good look, but those blue and yellow colours look a lot like

"we're not going to ikea." kim says

trini glances over at her "i broke your stupid bed. i'm buying you a new one." trini glances down at her phone again "it's only an hour and a half away."

"you do not have to buy me a new one." kim tries to emphasize how much trini does not owe her a new bed.

trini runs a hand through her hair and looks at kim again "please." she says "i want to. okay?"

kim relents, it's clear that she's not getting out of letting trini buy her a new bed "okay," she says "you want to go now?"

trini shrugs "if we leave soon we can still make it to mcdonalds in time for breakfast."

"that's the priority?"

"no," trini counters, "getting you a new bed is the priority. mcdonald's is just to help me feel less like shit."

"fair." kim nods, twisting her back so her spine pops satisfyingly before she makes an attempt at standing.

wavering on her feet for a moment, kim is stretching her arms and reaching for her toes when trini says "hey," poking the back of kims knee.

still reaching for her toes, kim looks back and up at trini "hmm?" she asks, trying to read the expression on trini's face before she speaks again.

"just," trini says, looking only a little uncomfortable "you know, thanks." she settles on "for-"

"of course." kim replies easily, letting trini escape without having to explain further, standing up and holding out a hand to trini, pulling her to her feet. pulling her closer, so kim can kiss her.

trini tastes of sleep, but right now kim doesn't care. she lets her hand slide down trini's back and she can feel trini rocking onto her toes.

some part of kim thinks that perhaps kissing trini will always be this thrilling. not like kissing boys where it was so hit and miss. sometimes they tasted too much like alcohol or mouthwash or whatever shitty cigarettes they thought they were cool for smoking. trini though, she always manages to taste good and kissing her is soft and kim thinks she could quite happily do this all day instead of going to ikea but,

trini is poking her in the ribs and breaking away from the kiss, smirking for the first time this morning "someone's thirsty." she teases and kim blushes, rolling her eyes.

"come on," kim says "your pancakes await."

"maybe i want burritos."

kim snorts "right."

she can feel trini glaring at her as they walk upstairs, "i don't only get pancakes." trini says, grabbing her duffle from kims room.

"sure," kim agrees amiably "you only get they every time we go to mcdonald's. you do know they sell stuff like burgers too?"

"you're a dick." trini decides

"but you knew that." kim grins

"i did." trini agrees "when you pulled me off a cliff."

"you're never going to let that die are you?"

"nope." trini says, popping the last syllable and smirking "never. maybe one day i'll pull you off a cliff. see how you like it."

"great."

"you're lucky," trini says "i can't tell that to anyone but the boys. everyone else might desire to press charges."

"you're so kind." kim deadpans, shedding her sleep shirt and reaching into her drawer for a bra.

expecting a witty reply but met with only silence, kim looks in trini's direction to find her staring. kim then realizes that she is wholly half naked, bra in hand. she isn't embarrassed and it's not like she's never been naked in front of trini before, but there's a fire in trini's eyes, they seem darker somehow.

"i-" trini says, her eyes traveling down kims chest, to her stomach "i'm gunna change."

"who's thirsty now?" kim asks, thrilled to be witnessing the breakdown of trini's higher mental capacities.

sure, the only context they've ever seen each other naked in, is changing, but still. it's usually always been on the ship, or with the boys around. not after them sleeping squished together on the sofa. not with them about to drive to ikea of all places.

"me." trini mumbles, "definitely me."

and then she's bolting from the room leaving kim feeling suddenly very hot and bothered.

*

they take kim's dads car.

because it's bigger, because it's nicer, because the sound system is better.

"will he mind?" trini asks

kim shrugs, adjusting the drivers seat "what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

trini nods, "better not crash then." she says, pulling the aux cord from kims car out of her pocket and plugging it into this one. she fishes her phone out of another pocket and as kim backs out of the garage, scrolls through her playlists.

"you inspire such confidence." kim says, backing out of the garage.

trini doesn't reply, instead, puts on the killers, something easy, someone kim knows.

their first stop is mcdonald's, where trini grudgingly orders the pancake breakfast. and two burritos, just to spite kim.

"you're going to feel sick." kim points out once they're on the highway.

"says you." trini says, through a mouthful of syrupy goodness "with your mcmuffin atrocity."

"it's not an atrocity."

"it is." trini says, reaching and flipping to the next song "thing's disgusting."

once they're done eating and kim is p pulling up directions on her dads sat nav, she catches trini yawning.

"you can sleep." she says "it's another hour or so till we get there."

"you won't mind?"

kim shakes her head "go for it babe."

trini yawns again and reclines her seat, reaching across her seat for kim's hand. kim smiles, tangling their fingers together. this feels, domestic might be the word she's looking for. driving out to ikea on a saturday morning. trini falling asleep in the passenger seat, whatever killers album she chose playing quietly in the background.

she could get used to this, and that's not nearly as scary as kim thinks it should be.

*

arriving at ikea is a mess of taillights and impossible parking spots.

by the time kim finds a space trini is well and truly awake, seemingly better off for having napped.

"i hate this place." trini mutters, climbing out of the car.

"this was your idea to come to this place." kim reminds her, reaching for trini's hand.

"i can still hate the place." trini declares.

ikea is loud and it is packed and kim realizes she's never been before.

"we're not wandering." trini tells her "we're here for your bed."

"sure, sure." kim agrees "my bed."

turns out they have to walk through what feels like the entire store before they even get to the beds. she is then promptly overwhelmed by the possibility.

"you're not getting a loft bed." trini tells her at once, "they're a nightmare to put up."

"and you know this from experience?'

"yes." trini says, grabbing kims arm and pulling her away from a space grey loft bed "my brothers."

"and here i was thinking you were a loft bed type of kid."

trini laughs "you wish."

she stops them in front of a double bed with a metal frame. it's not all too different from what kim has now "how about this?"

"what if i want to look around more? there's a race car bed that looks pretty cool."

trini rolls her eyes "i'm never taking you here again."

kim smirks and reaches for the pencil trini had tucked behind her ear "this one is good." she amends "i mean it's not a spaceship but-"

"i hate you."

"you love me." kim counters.

trini swallows uncharacteristically hard and kim files that away for later.

"what about food?" trini asks "you hungry?"

"we just ate." kim points out.

"doesn't matter." trini tells her "you have the number written down?"

"mhmm." kim tells her "why doesn't it matter that we just ate?"

"because cinnamon rolls." trini tells her.

kim is immediately intrigued "you have my attention." she says, trini taking her hand again and leading them through the melee towards the cafeteria.

"sit." trini tells her, pointing to the only free table "i'll be back."

kim does as told, pulling out her phone and seeing a text from her mom

[/what are you doing today?/]

she decides not to reply. her mother won't mind and kim doesn't feel like side stepping around the truth right now. instead, she puts her phone down on the table and people watches.

ikea is filled mostly with young families it seems. there are toddlers everywhere and parents, and every so often some older couple looking a little affronted at the madness. kim spies trini in line and waves.

trini rolls her eyes.

kim just smirks.

she is not smirking when trini comes over three minutes later with a cinnamon roll, two forks and two cups of coffee on a tray.

"try it." trini says.

"you're way to excited for this, did you spike it with something?"

trini scoffs "and what, be stuck out here?"

fair enough.

kim reaches out and peels away part of the cinnamon roll. trini is pretending like she's not watching kim's every movement, and that's amusing, but also the cinnamon roll is warm and melting and gooey and,

"holy fuck." kim says with her mouth full "that's amazing."

"i told you." trini says "we'll get a pack to take home downstairs."

"take home." kim laughs "you mean 'eat in the car.'"

"not in your dads car." trini tells her "those seats cost more than my whole life."

not entirely wrong.

they devour the cinnamon roll with perhaps what could be considered alarming pace. it leaves them just to meander through the rest of the store, trini having to /drag/ kim away from the selections of napkins and fairy lights and litany of useless things kim has no need and no room for.

they emerge into the warehouse portion and trini is saying "what's the number?"

kim looks down at the paper "one hundred and thirteen point sixteen."

"this way."

"you're awfully familiar with ikea." kim says "take all the girls here?"

"just the girls whose beds i break."

"and here i thought i was special." kim teases

"you are." trini says, and then a deep flush rises up herneck and around her ears, like she didn't quite mean to say that outloud "whenever we would move, we usually came to ikea. to get whatever."

kim is still beaming and she pulls trini in for a kiss, smack dab in the middle of aisle one thirteen "you're cute." she murmurs.

"yeah whatever." trini mumbles, but there's no conviction in her voice and she's smiling, nothing sarcastic about it "come on," she says, "your bed is in three parts."

"should we not have gotten a cart?"

trini shrugs "fuck the patriarchy."

*

trini naps all the way back to kim's house, an entire eight pack of cinnamon rolls in her lap.

*

"so how do you want to do this?" kim asks, her new bed in boxes, leaning against the hallway wall.

trini is standing next to her "uhm."

"hadn't got that far?" kim teases.

"oh please." trini says "i think we get all your pillows and blankets and stuff off, put the mattress into the hallway. break apart the old bed. build the new one."

"simple as that?"

"i doubt it." trini replies darkly "ikea furniture is impossible to build."

"impossible?"

"impossible." trini nods, trampling over the now fully deflated air mattress "just you wait and see."

"i will wait in apprehension." kim says, which earns her another eyeroll from trini and a pillow thrown her way.

kim catches it easily and reaches for the duvet in the other hand. she pulls it off, watching a mess of sheets and pillows tumble away from it.

turns out that was the easiest part of this whole affair.

some time later,

you could tell kim it had been three days and she would believe you,

kim's room is a disaster zone. her old bed had been torn apart - something the pair of them enjoyed perhaps a little too much. and was now sitting in the hall, in pieces. before them and between them, was what apparently was going to be kim's new bed.

except, well, it's only a quarter built and

"i swear to god we don't have all the pieces." trini declares, the instructions in her hand.

"we have to." kim says, trying for rational and landing on desperate "right? we have to them somewhere. maybe we're sitting on them?"

"i feel like we would feel eight metal pins sticking into our ass." trini says, but she's shifting away and looking under where she was sitting "nothing." she sighs.

kim however "uhm," she says, pushing eight metal pins about an inch and a half long towards trini "here."

"how do you -" trini says "i don't - how did you not feel them?"

kim just shrugs, fishing her phone out of her pocket and slowly and subtly as she can, managing to get one photo of trini reading the instructions with intent before trini glances her way. the next photo involves trini flicking her off.

"okay." trini says "i think i've figured it out. pass me that weird little wrench thing."

*

it takes another three hours, two outbursts of cursing ikea from kim and one phone call from trini's mom confirming that,

yes, trini knows they're away for the evening up in norcal.

"you staying over again?" kim asks quietly when trini hangs up the phone "you can, if you want."

trini puts her phone down on kims dresser "yeah, i - maybe we can finish stranger things."

[they do not finish stranger things.]

*

instead, they pile kims old bed into the back of her car and take it to the dump. they pick up dinner on the way back - indian from the only place in town kim's mother even halfway approves of.

"she was always hoping i'd take an interest in the son of the guy who runs the place." kim explains as they're sitting in the living room, brooklyn 99 playing in the background "he's not quite my type." she says with a smirk.

trini rolls her eyes "i know what your type is dumbass."

"oh yeah? what's my type?"

"me." trini says around a mouthful of naan.

well she isn't wrong.

they do make it through one episode of stranger things, but they're both yawning and exhausted from a mostly sleepless night and a busy day "how weak are we if we bail and go to bed?" kim asks "i don't think i can stay awake through another one."

trini nods, yawning "seconded."

"so bed?"

trini nods, then pauses "maybe i should-" she starts, stops.

"you don't have to go home." kim tells her.

"it's not that." trini shakes her head "i - nevermind. let's go upstairs."

kim obliges, for now happy not to press trini into explaining any more. she turns off the tv, turns off the living room lights. makes sure oscar has water in his bowl and checks the front door is locked. by the time she makes it upstairs, trini is changed and in the bathroom, brushing her teeth.

kim is part way through changing when trini walks in, all twisted hands and nerves "i-" she starts, not looking at kim directly "look," she says "when we, when i," she shakes her head and takes a deep breath "sleeping with you felt really good." she says finally, daring to look at kim "this morning, on the couch. and i, if it's okay,-"

"yes." kim says "you don't have to ask."

"i want everything we do to be entirely consensual." trini says, echoing kims words from the day before.

kim smiles "this is, okay? whatever makes you most comfortable."

"what about what makes you comfortable?" trini asks

kim considers and then says, "i'm most comfortable around you."

"oh." trini says quietly.

"get in bed." kim prompts "i'll brush my teeth and be right there."

she's gone for three minutes, maybe less, but by the time she gets back trini's nerves are palpable. she's sitting in kims new bed, trying to take up as little space as possible it seems, playing some game on her phone. their power coins are resting on the bedside table, and when kim closes the bedroom door trini looks up.

"hey," kim says, walking across and climbing into bed.

they're never done this before, she's not sure how it's supposed to go. kim knows what she wants, she knows that she wants to pull trini into her arms, she wants to make trini feels safe.

"hey." trini replies, then adding, quieter "i'm so tired, but i don't want to sleep."

"how about," kim says "you let me help you relax?"

trini eyes her "what does that mean?"

"just," kim feels an army of butterfly's upend her stomach and wrangling them is not an option. she can feel them stampeding through her veins "you're so tense." she starts "your muscles are in knots and i," she swallows hard "if you wanted, i could you know.-" kim feels her face flushing /hard/ "give you a massage. if you wanted."

trini seems to be silent for a small eternity before "okay."

relief floods kim's entire system "yeah?"

trini nods "it could help. it can't hurt."

kim swallows hard "it'd work better if you, uhm, you know, took your shirt off."

trini smirks "if you wanted to get me naked you could have just asked kim."

"i!" kim squeaks "that's not-" she starts to protest before she catches trini grinning "i hate you."

"i know." trini replies, shedding her shirt and dropping it off the side of the bed, before rolling onto her stomach.

kim feels something like a low heat spark somewhere between her legs because god, trini is,

kim tries to find the right words to describe the subtle confidence trini lays there with, her hair spilling over one shoulder, head resting on folded arms. kim wonders if she could ever be that confident in her body. even with the tension in her shoulders, trini looks relaxed. she's watching kim, kim who is attempting to find her words.

"lotion." she says, "hold on."

"holding." trini replies, watching as kim gets up and walks over to a shelf, grabbing lotion and returning "i'm going to straddle you." she says gently, pausing for a moment, waiting for trini to veto.

but instead "yes." is all trini says.

so kim pulls back the duvet, letting it pile at the end of the bed. she pulls the sheet up over trini's legs, so she doesn't get cold "shift to your left." kim murmurs, and trini wriggles obligingly.

it gives kim a moment to breathe, a moment to settle herself and deliberately ignore the way her entire body seems to be on fire. instead, she straddles trini's hips, settling her weight, trying not to crush her.

"just sit on me." trini says, craning her neck to peer over her shoulder at kim after long seconds of adjustment "you're not going to break me."

"okay." kim nods "this good?"

something like a whimper gets muted in trini's throat and she nods.

kim takes a deep breath, reaching for the lotion and getting a small amount into her hands "relax your shoulders." she says, waiting as trini shifts again, face resting against a pillow, arms down by her sides.

the knots in trini's back are easy to find and kim wishes she'd thought to put some sort of music on before doing this. instead it's just their breathing.

"tell me if it's too much." kim reminds.

trini makes a noncommittal noise, but nods.

kim works her hands across trini's bottom of trini's neck and the tops of her shoulders, finding the pinpoints where her muscles have twisted themselves. the first one she finds and starts working on has trini hissing and biting her lip.

"too much?" kim asks, gentling her touch.

"no." trini shakes her head "no, keep going." then "please."

"okay." kim murmurs, working her way through one knot and then the next.

slowly, oh so slowly, kim can feel trini unwinding beneath her. there's one knot, halfway down trini's scapula that feels the size of nickel and trini jerks away from kims touch.

"s'ry." trini mumbles.

"it's okay, this one might hurt." kim replies, and before she can even coherently think about what she's doing, kim finds herself bending down and pressing a kiss to the base of trini's neck, trailing a hand down trini's ribs, murmuring "okay?"

there's a muffled noise that sounded very close to /fuck/ and then trini's hands tightening in the pillowcase and she's saying "okay. do it."

it's impossible to go about it gently, so kim just works the knot, hearing trini's whimpers and watching the way she grips the pillowcase whiteknuckled. long minutes of working and then, with an upstroke of her thumb along the muscle,

the last of the knot melts away.

"where's you learn to do this?" trini asks, her voice hazy.

kim shrugs "i don't think i ever learned. i just do."

"you could do this to me all night." trini admits, looking over her shoulder at kim

"maybe i will." kim replies, pressing a little bit deeper, working the muscles, descending further down trini's spine.

this time, kim does not mistake the moan that trini makes for anything else. she does consider that she perhaps shouldn't be this wet just from giving her girlfriend a massage, but there's so much about right now that turns kim on. trini splayed out and relaxed. trini trusting her. trini half naked in her bed. trini's hips shifting and pressing up towards kim, the lower down her spine kim works her hands.

"kim," trini says, and her voice sounds rough in the dark, thick with,

/something/

"kim," trini says again, "come up here." she says.

and kim complies, because it's trini and she's ninety percent sure she's about to be kissed.

she's not wrong.

somewhere between kim lifting her weight from trini's hips and leaning forward enough to kiss her, trini has rolled onto her back. her hands find kim's hips and she urges kim to straddle her again.

kissing trini this time is different than any other time they've kissed before, there's a different sort of urgency to it. a different sort of destination in mind than just, contented endless making out on someone couch, or in someone's car.

kim rests her weight on one forearm, letting her body press against trini's and feeling trini's fingers playing at the hem of her tank top "do it." kim mumbles.

trini does and kim's shirt ends up on the floor.

pressing her body against trini's this time, feeling trini's warmth directly on her skin, it's unlike anything kim has felt before.

one of trini's hands finds her hair and kim licks into trini's mouth, deepening the kiss, nipping trini's lower lip just to feel her body arch up into kim. trini's grip is tight in kim's hair, grounding kim to the moment, without it she may just float away.

when they part to breathe kim rests her forehead against trini's collarbone, eyes closed and feeling the way trini's fingers loosen and trace patterns at her hairline "i want," kim starts, swallowing hard and looking up at trini - she has to look at her as she says this "i want to make you feel good."

it feels like a silly way to say it and there's a flush of a different kind already creeping up kim's neck so her embarrassment is only caught in her eyes as she looks away. trini tugs oh so gently on kim's hair, coaxing her to tilt her head, to look at trini again.

trini kisses her once, short, aiming to relax kim "you know i want that too, right?" trini asks and kim thinks that perhaps she's never seen trini so at ease, at peace "i want to have sex with you." she says, with a bluntness that feels good "now, if you want. or later."

"now." kim says, "now, if you want too." but she swallows hard "we talked about," kim starts "you know. i've never," she pauses, embarrassed "i may not be any good."

"kim," trini says, waiting for kim to look at her "you could probably get me off from that massage alone. and i'll tell you, show you, what i like. okay? this isn't a race, it's not about getting me off as fast as you possibly can."

kim looks away, not wanting to voice the fear that's twisting up in her gut.

except in this trini won't let her avoid or escape "talk to me kim." trini says, her hand stroking down kim's naked back "what are you thinking about?"

kim bites her lip and shakes her head, pressing her forehead into trini's shoulder again. it shouldn't be this hard, she thinks, this scary. she feels a soft kiss to her forehead, trini murmuring in her ear

"it's okay to be nervous babe."

"what if i can't get you off?" kim asks "what if i'm bad at it?"

"you won't be." trini assures her, hand stroking down her back "you won't be."

"how do you know?"

trini laughs "because you always think you're going to be bad at something, you always underestimate yourself. even if you don't say it outloud." there's a pause "you don't ever think you're going to be good enough, or worthy enough."

"trini." kim chokes

"you are though." trini is kissing kim's temple, the curve of her jaw "you are though kim." pause and then a hand at kim's chin "i can go down on you first." trini offers "if you want."

maybe that will be less scary, maybe trini will show her how to do it -

"or we don't have to do anything at all." trini says, pulling kim from her thoughts "we can always stop."

"no," kim shakes her head "i don't want to stop." she leans forward to kiss trini, trying to push away her nerves, but they seem to not budge "i'm just nervous." she admits "and it feels stupid to be nervous."

"it's not stupid." trini tells her, kissing her again, then moving to kiss her jaw, down her neck, "on your back for me babe." she murmurs against kims shoulder and just that,

just trini asking her to do that has kim stifling a moan.

on her back, with trini over her, kim feels like her whole world narrows trini's body and hers. alight with sensation, aware of trini straddling her, aware of the way trini's hair brushes against kim's chest when she bends down to kiss kim again.

trini murmurs "all you have to do is say stop and we can stop, okay?"

kim nods, not sure in what world she would want to stop, but there's something in trini having said it, having made it explicitly clear that stopping is an option that comfort kim.

trini kisses kim, a hand skimming up kim's ribs. a palm brushing against kim's nipple. her body is on fire it feels like, kim presses herself up into trini's touch as she starts kissing down kim's chest.

trini's other hand finds kims, tangling their fingers, and kim is breathless, left to watch and feel as trini pauses, lips just over one of kim's nipples "okay?" she asks, her breath warm against kim's skin, the vibrations of her words kim can feel in her body.

"yes." kim nods "yes. please." she tries not to sound desperate, but doesn't care if she fails because trini is taking one of her nipples in her mouth, running the flat of her tongue over her, sucking lightly, and kim moans.

she can't help it.

nothing has ever felt as good as this moment.

"fuck." she whimpers "don't stop."

trini obliges, squeezing kims hand and kim squeezes back.

kim loses herself to this pleasure. she let's her entire world, her focus point, become trini's mouth on her body. kissing and nipping and kim is making noises she's never made with a boy before. she's breathless and the concept of time has escaped her. instead, she's only aware that she has the ability to speak at all when she hears trini saying her name,

when it's trini with her hands on the waistband of kims shorts asking "may i?"

and kim is nodding, watching as trini pulls them down, bit by bit. they join the rest of kim's clothes in a heap on the floor and trini settles between kim's legs. she kisses her hips, breaking her hold on kim's hand only for long enough to bring her arm under kim's leg and find her hand again.

kim wonders if she should feel terribly exposed like this. trini between her legs. but instead, instead she feels safe and sure and comfortable,

and also like her entire body is wired with an electric current because then trini is kissing kims thigh, long and slow and she's sucking and marking and

[yes, kim had said when they talked about sex and if they've been tested recently and what was okay and what wasn't, yes hickies were okay.]

the hand that isn't in trini's finds her hair, tangles in it because kim needs something to hold on to. she almost misses trini smirking up at her as kim pulls and whimpers because trini is /so close/ to exactly where kim wants her and yet she's not close enough.

[kim remembers the last time someone went down on her. it was rushed and messy and he had patches of stubble that could never have felt as soft as trinis cheek against her thigh.]

the first time trini presses the flat of her tongue against kim's clit,

she comes.

all at once.

she doesn't even realize it until it feels like she's flying. or, flying isn't the right words,

it's-

kim will try and find the words later, now though - now where pleasure is ripple through her and coherent thought is seemingly out the window.

when she does finally come back to herself, it's in bits and pieces. shes aware first of trini, settled more atop her, fingers tracing across kim's chest in nonsensical patterns.

"hey." trini says with a soft smile.

"hi." kim replies, trying to get her arm to work enough to run it through trini's mussed hair "i-" she starts "you though. wow."

trini smirks "i'll keep that in mind."

kim's mind is still trying to piece itself back together, her body still feels tingly and warm and "wanna kiss you." she mumbles, too spent in the moment to do more than tug lightly at trini's hair.

luckily, trini moves easily up kim's body. bracing on one hand, the other moving to tuck a curl of hair behind kims ear. and kissing trini now, there's a different sort of taste and it takes kim long seconds to piece together that trini tastes like /her/.

the thought, connecting those dots sends a curl of heat down kim's spine and she lets a free hand finds trini's sides.

"there's no rush." trini mumbles, feeling kim moving underneath her "we've got time."

it eases kim, relaxes her away from the sudden remembrance that trini hasn't gotten off yet. there's none of the urgency there was with trevor, none of this rough demand. instead, it feels like the opposite. trini seems content to kiss and run her hand through kims hair, listening as kim tries to find words.

finally though, kim feels returned to her body enough to say "you want-" it's half a question, half the statement that she's ready, that she wants to try.

even if there are nerves in her stomach again -

she wants to be good enough. she wants to make trini feel -

"kim." trini says, dragging kim out of her thoughts "just, you know when you're masturbating?"

kim nods.

"start with that. start with what you'd do to yourself and i'll help you."

when she says it like that,

they flip,

and with trini on her back it's easier for kim to see how worked up she is.

it makes kim want to kiss her.

so she does.

that seems like an easy place to start. easy to relax herself, to wind trini up slowly, slowly.

mirroring what trini did to her is also easy. or, starting to, when there's a flash of anxiety in trini's body and kim pulls away.

the question is on her lips but then,

"just," trini says "not," she pauses, "not my jaw or," she pauses again "my neck. okay?"

and a protective, angry part of kim flares and wishes she could punt rita past the moon. she deserves worse. but now is not the time.

so kissing trini, moving to her chest, and god

/oh/

the noises that those soft touches illicit.

"fuck, kim." trini says, and her voice seems breathy and panting.

kim can't ignore the movements in the way trini's hips press up and into her body.

all good things kim decides, so she takes her time.

then one of trini's hand is finding kims and is bringing it to trini's breast. it takes a moment for kim's brain to switch and multi-task like this, but when she finds the coordination to roll a peaked nipple between her finger and mouth at the space just under kim's collarbone.

trini whimpers, sensitive and turned on and

"can i?" kim asks, just after sucking lightly on the skin there, wanting to double check, wanting that confirmation.

"mhmm." is all trini manages, and kim, well,

she knows how to give a hickey at least.

knows how to apply the pressure to make trini hiss and whimper and when she pulls away there's a darkened mark against trini's skim. there's something immensely pleasing about seeing the mark there, like that.

"admire later." trini mumbles, hand coming to kim's hair and pushing her further down "me now."

"impatient much?" kim hums against the curve of trini's hip.

"yes." trini gasps as kim decides to mark her there as well, sucking and skimming her teeth over the skin.

as kim moves lower still, trini spreads her legs and kim, even as she's settling between them, can't deny how nervous she is.

and god, she can see how wet trini is as well. kim glances up at trini, swallowing hard and feeling pathetic for being lost. trini's hand finds her hair, and she pulls kim back up, only briefly, to kiss her, to calm her down "fingers," she says "one, two eventually. and i'll guide your mouth, okay?"

kim nods, kisses trini "i'm-"

"don't say you're sorry." trini cuts her off "you have /nothing/ to apologise for. i'm ridiculously turned on kim," she says with a smile.

so kim kisses her again and moves back down,

settling herself between trini's thighs, kissing one, kissing up trini's thigh to the junction with her hip. where trini seems exceptionally sensitive.

fingers, kim remembers, working slowly. and trini is so,

so,

wet. one finger doesn't seem enough off the bat and trini affirms that, whimpering "two, two, two."

so kim does.

and it's like toucing herself, fucking herself with her fingers. but it's different and she feels trini's reactions out, and there's something,

something about the moment when she finds the right angle with her fingers and tongues at trini's clit, sucking and swiping across it,

trini's hand in kim's hair tightening, trini whimpering, moaning,

kim might remember it for the rest of her life. so she does it again, and again. and she can feel trini's body winding up, ratcheting up towards the edge.

trini right there,

so close,

kim thinks,

and trini is saying "harder, harder with your fingers." and it must take all of her concentration to get the words out. words that leave her as soon as kim obliges.

finding a rhythm, feeling trini's slick, tasting her.

head spinning, the grip in her hair pleasure-pain tight.

trini whines, a high pitched keening sound, her heels pressing into the bed, hips pressing into kim's face,

kim's pretty sure she can't breathe, but that seems irrelevant to the fact that trini is about to come -

is coming,

with a curse and words that kim is sure aren't words at all. beyond hearing trini though, is feeling trini come. the way she clenches down around kim's fingers, her hips pressing up and then dropping.

it's intoxicating and kim doesn't care that she fumbled her way through it, she's easing her fingers out and she's looking up at trini to see her face. to see her coming down hazily, the hand in kim's hair tugging lightly "c'mere." trini slurs, smiling hazily.

kim comes up easily, her fingers sticky, her chin shining in the light and when trini tastes her, she says "you taste good."

"i taste like you." kim counters."of course i taste good."

trini just hums, and they lay there together for a while, tangled and sweaty with the only sounds being their breathing. until trini is asking "do you want another one?" and kim considers, then, kissing trini's shoulder,

"yes."

"sit up." trini says,

and oh,

/oh/

kim knows what that means. she scoots all the way up, until her thighs are straddling trini's head and "you can sit down." comes trini's muffled voice, her hands curling around kim's hips.

"i don't want to," kim starts, than thinks better of it.

"you wont crush me." trini promises seriously, turning her head to press a kiss to the inside of kim's thigh "sit down." she coaxes.

and when kim does,

when she lowers herself down,

when trini's tongue flicks out for the first time, kim's hands fly up to the metal headboard. her hands curl around the metal and "trini," she whimpers.

to which all trini replies is "hmm?" with a deliberate placement so kim feels the vibrations of the word through her body.

"don't stop." kim begs, she wants to feel this forever, trini working her up.

and this time kim lasts a little longer. there's more build up, she can feel her body working it's way towards shattering. trini, encouraging the jerky movements from kims hips so by the time she comes, kim is riding trini's face with a graceless lack of coordination.

but god when kim comes,

the metal crumbles beneath her fingers.

she's lurching forwards, bracing with her hands on the wall, trying not to break that to. trying not to keel over from the force of this orgasm,

trying to do a lot of things and not at all breathing.

not until she's able to just sort of roll sideways, collapsing onto the bed panting and breathing hard.

"fuck." she mumbles, reaching for trini's body, curling against her "that was," she starts, but she finds there are no words "that." she settles on and trini laughs long and low in her chest.

a hand find kims and they tangle their fingers, trini rolling onto her side and pulling kim closer so their bodies are flush.

"thank you." kim mumbles, kissing trini's shoulder "for showing me."

trini brings kim's hands to her lips and kiss the flat of her palm "you did good." she says "fucking amazing." she amends.

"mmm, good." kim says and then "did you hear me break the headboard?"

trini laughs "i was a little preoccupied." she tilts her head up "can't blame that on the cat."

"no." kim laughs "i can't. we'll have to go back to ikea tomorrow."

"fuck." trini hums and then "that's tomorrows problem. i need shorts."

"that requires us to move though." kim points out

"i know." trini says by way of apology, squirming towards the edge of the bed and finding her shorts and kims shirt.

she flings it over her shoulders and it lands on kim's face. for a beat she can't be fucked to move and when trini rolls back over all she sees is kim still with the shirt flung over her face.

"i fucked you that good huh?" trini teases and kim pulls the shirt off, sitting up and pulling it on over her head.

"you know you did." kim mumbles, and then, realizing they're gearing towards sleep she says "if you want, i'm, you know, i'm happy to take the guest bed."

she can see the moment of consideration in trini's eyes, in her posture, and then she shakes her head "yesterday when i said i like i feel with you," she pauses "well, you make me feel safe. and i, i like feeling safe, i like feeling safe with you."

"i like that i make you feel safe." kim admits "i won't," she pauses, amends "i'll always do my best to make sure nothing hurts you." she whispers.

"i've never believed that from anyone before." trini says, looking at kim in the blue dark.

kim reaches for trini pulling her into her arms. something she's wanted to do for a very long time. hold trini close, protect her from the world that seems intent on haunting her.

"i mean it." kim says, again this instinct rising up that didn't exist like this before she met trini, this desire to protect.

she's not sure if she can fend of nightmares,

but kim will damned well try.

*

and kim will damned well succeed.