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She's finally asleep.
I can hear her breathing on the other side of the door. I want to open it and scold her for sleeping in the middle of the hall, out of her bed. She's 13, now, she should know better than to leave Kai worried about her health.
My throat closes up in a strangled sob, and I slide back against the door, again. I really want to open the door and pull her inside, covering her with blankets and plush dolls.
I haven't seen her in so long... Does she even like plush dolls anymore?
I hug my knees and close my eyes to hear her breathe more clearly. I can picture her chest rising and lowering in neatly spaced intervals. Anna's mouth is probably half-open and she's very likely to be drooling all over her new nightgown.
I make a sound somewhat similar to a mix of a sob and a cackle, sighing at the image of her, dead asleep on the carpet. Anna has always been a troublesome sleeper, tossing and turning in bed, either complaining that she was “melting” or “freezing to death”, often settling for sleeping with her head under the covers and an arm or leg dangling off the bed. Her hair was so messy in the morning that I had to brush and braid it, since she couldn't do it herself.
I hug my knees tighter, dropping my head forward. I miss her deeply, but the thick layer of ice covering the walls is a constant reminder of why I can't just unlock the door and scoop her in my arms before she catches a cold.
I hear the sound of fabric rustling against wood, followed by a soft thud. Startled, I sit up and look through the keyhole, sensing nothing but the sound of Anna's shallow breaths, seemingly undisturbed.
Relieved, I sit back. Anna must have slid from the door to the floor.
Should I? No, I shouldn't.
It's pointless to argue with myself, so I give in and open the door, to find my sister lying on the carpet. Her eyes are closed and she is sound asleep. She's completely uncovered, so I go back inside, returning with a warm blanket to set on her.
Anna's eyelids twitch and she shudders, settling down before I can freak out and close the door again. I didn't wake her up.
I've been in this situation, before. Actually, it was the day right before the accident.
I bite my lip.
Anna was just as asleep then as she is now, and I had set this exact same blanket on top of her. It was late afternoon, and we had been playing in front of the fireplace, enjoying the warmth. Anna, being the youngest, tired quickly, dozing off. I don't quite remember what went over my mind, at that moment, but I recall wishing that that day would never end, and that my sister would be beside me for the rest of my life. So I leaned forward and placed my lips in hers, like a promise.
Right now, I want to do it again.
But I can't, so I close the door.