Work Text:
Leanne had just gotten home from work, a sigh escaped her lips as she leaned her tired, burdensome body against the back of the front door. The sound of the door clicking shut echoed in the empty hallway, letting her bag fall from her shoulder she slid herself down against the wall. Raindrops ran down her cheeks and clung to the strands of loose hair that stuck to the edges of her face. Squeezing her eyes shut she leaned her head back against the door. The moisture on her face - it was all a mixture. The water from the sky and the salty tears that spilled from her eyes cascaded down her face.
Thunder roared outside, the wind caused the rain to pound against the windows and doors. It was the anniversary of the day that never got easier, no matter how many years passed. Every ounce of her body ached - the emergency room had been in code black for most of the day. The storm ravaging the city bringing in various car accidents, which reminded her of what had happened to her on this terrible day just a few short years ago. The only way she knew how to help, the only way she could cope was to throw herself into the chaos, to help those who were suffering, to prevent the loss of life to others. And when all else failed, when her hands could no longer help the once beating hearts, she would tell their loved ones the words that echoed in her mind day after day. I’m sorry, we did everything we could, their trauma was too severe - their bodies couldn’t recover.
Leanne sighed and picked herself up from the floor, removing her sopping wet jacket hanging it on it’s hook by the door. Her eyes followed the remaining raindrops as they ran down the creases of the material, pooling onto her hardwood floor. She tossed her keys into the key bowl, the clang of the keys hitting the glass causing her to flinch lightly. Leanne slowly dragged her body to the bedroom, and like it was the most painful thing in the world, she peeled the wet clothes from her body. Leaving her scrubs and underwear in a pile on the floor, she meandered her way into the bathroom. Taking a look at herself in the soft yellow tinted light, she shook her head as she moved to switch on the sink’s faucet. Cupping her hands together under the water, she let the cool liquid collect in her palms before closing her eyes and splashing it over her face. Picking her head up again, she furrowed her brow. She looked terrible, her eyes were red and puffy, her face tired looking. Leanne sighed as she looked her naked body up and down in the mirror. She ran her fingers over the small scars that decorated her stomach, hips, and ribcage. Her touch softly lingered on the odd one, remembering what had caused it to form in the first place. Turning to the side a little Leanne traced the circular scar on the side of her rib cage. This one - this was the one that could have ended all her suffering, her grieving. This shiny rigid scar had been the very spot that a chest tube had been placed in order to help her breath. Had it not been for that moment, the moment where the tube penetrated her chest cavity, she would be with her family right now. She turned towards the mirror once again where her eyes fell to the bottom of her stomach. More tears dribbled down her face as she picked up her hand and lightly traced the caesarean scar that ran at the bottom of her belly with the tip of her finger. This was the only noticeable scar on her body that had led to something other than grief; joy.
Her sweet baby girl had left the protection of her body from here, and a short few years later, the cruel world that had welcomed her so warmly had decided to take her away again. Leanne pursed her lips as she thought about how odd it was that one could have two scars for two completely opposite reasons. One resulting in an injury that could have led to death and another that resulted in life. Leanne blinked back the tears as she returned to reality and released her hair from it’s tie. A hot shower, that’s all she needed; a scalding hot shower, one that would melt away the physical and emotional aches in her bones. A pain that had been residing in her all day.
She let the water run for a minute before climbing in, a hum escaped her throat as the hot water engulfed her body. Leanne inhaled slowly, closing her eyes as the steam filled her lungs and the water slowly melted her aches. Standing there, she let the memories wash over her just as the water had been. Flashes of her children’s faces glimmered in her mind, Eli’s coffee brown eyes and Caitlin’s freckled nose and dimpled chin. The feeling of their soft skin under her hand as she’d run a hand down the sides of their faces before they slipped off to sleep. Suddenly her husband’s sweet face moved into her vision. His brow wrinkled in sympathy and worry as she rocked with the pain of a contraction. She remembered Elliot worrying endlessly over every little dip and mountain on the monitor that was keeping track of her heartbeat. The way his body would tense and look back at her from the monitor to make sure she was okay. The intense pains she had experienced with with Eli, their first baby, that had sent Elliot for a loop. Although Leanne herself had anticipated immense pain, Elliot hadn’t fully expected just how much pain his wife would be in during the birth of their first child. Despite his stress, he did everything he could for her. Taking her hand gently in his, he told her to squeeze; absorbing as much of her pain as he possibly could. At one point, he crawled in behind her on the bed and framed her body. Elliot rocked with her and kissed the sides of her face, doing everything in his power to ease her suffering. The soft sensations of his thumb wiping away the sweat collecting on her forehead, the way his chest rose and fell with hers, reminding her to breath. Elliot even pulled her hair up into a ponytail when he noticed how warm she was. It wasn’t a good ponytail by any means, but she smiled at his effort. When it was time, she remembered his his deep blue eyes staring lovingly staring into her hazely hues, sending her words of encouragement and reassurance. Leanne returned to reality as she remembered the tear that rolled down his cheek when their son was born.
Ethan had walked into a dark and silent house, the flash of lightning being the only source of light for his path from the front door to the stairs. He listened for Leanne but the only thing that could be heard was the ravenous storm outside. He was more than sure that Leanne had gone home already but the dark silent house made him question. Deciding that perhaps she had already gone to bed he took off his coat and put his stuff down at the base of the stairs. On his way into kitchen, he noticed a shadowy figure on the couch, the odd sniffle breaking the depthy silence.
“Leanne?” He walked closer, the city lights from outside were leaking through the blinds creating a striped pattern on her face. The teardrops running her cheeks would catch in the light, presenting long tear trails. She was staring at the rain that was hitting the window, the water trailing down the glass until they disappeared. Her hair, still soaking wet from the shower she took, dripped onto Ethan’s favourite hoodie - one she had slipped on for comfort more than anything. Her legs were folded under her and her arms were wrapped tightly around her torso. Half a glass of crimson red wine sat on the coffee table in front of her beside an open photo album of her family. There was a photo of her, her husband and her two children all sitting together on a sand-covered towel. Leanne had Caitlin in her lap, Caitlin had two hands full of wet sand, and Eli had his arms wrapped around his dad’s neck with that cheeky smile he got from his mom plastered onto his face. Leanne’s eyes were glued to the thick photo paper as the memory flooded her mind. It was the time when they had gone on their first camping trip as a family. Elliot had taken Eli for a swim in the lake, twirling him and throwing him into the water - bubbly little giggles escaping his tiny body with every splash. Leanne spent most of that time making sure Caitlin kept the sand out of her mouth, sending kisses and tickles down her pudgy little body. These are the times she missed the most. The moments when she got to hold her babies in her arms, the moments where they were so close to her that her heart almost couldn't bear the immense love she had for them. Ethan’s eyes scanned the open page and swallowed the lump in his throat.
A large crack of thunder caused them both to jump, provoking another tear to roll down Leanne’s cheek as she returned to reality. Ethan watched as she closed her eyes, her chin quivering as she attempted to hold back the agony and heartbreak she was feeling inside. Sitting down in the spot beside her, he placed a comforting hand on her back and rubbed in slow gentle circles
“Tod--” Ethan swallowed. “Today’s the day, isn’t it?” He almost couldn’t bear to ask the question.
She opened her eyes slowly, her lips parting, yet she kept completely silent. Her eyes remained on the window as a small raspy untranslatable sound attempted to emerge from her throat. The thunder continued to crack and rumble outside cutting her off.
“I like--” She swallowed hard again, humming a little before she spoke up again. “I like storms.”
Ethan looked down at her loose open palms and then at her contorting face once again as she continued. The uncontrollable need to sob becoming stronger once again with every passing moment.
“I like them because they remind me that the sky, sometimes it screams too.” She sucked in a sharp breath, the prequel to a sob, as she grabbed the photo album in front of her and brought it as close to her chest as humanly possible. That book was the only evidence she had left of them. Ethan grabbed her shoulders and brought her into a tight loving embrace. A louder sob escaped her his time, louder than the first. This was followed by a series more of pain inflicted cries. Ethan tucked his chin back and placed his lips on the side of her temple.
“I’m so sorry.” he whispered lightly. His lips made contact with her temple as he pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head. Ethan lowered his head and gently rested it on top of hers. The two slowly rocked away the remaining hours of the haunting reminder that returned to her every year. The one day where she willingly allowed herself to feel, to scream, to grieve aloud just as the skies above did with every storm.