Chapter Text
Present
“JB! The new model is ready to meet you.”
Jaebum whirls around to his name being called and normally, nothing ever fazes him - nudity, gore, celebrities, nothing - but when Mark stands, not a hundred miles away, but only a few feet from him, his pupils dilate and his breaths quicken instinctively sensing his presence. It only lasts a second before he snaps out of it and puts on his trademark mask of disinterest. He swallows the tight lump in his throat as Mark’s eyes light up in recognition and stares at him attentively as if to make sure if it was really Jaebum, and that his eyes were not playing tricks on him. Little did Jaebum know, it happened often - mistaking strangers he just met and sitting up straight in bed whenever Jaebum haunted his dreams as fleeting shadows that frustrated him to no end because, no matter how hard he tried he could never grab hold of him.
“So, I take it as you two know each other?” Jaebum’s manager, Jinyoung awkwardly cuts in and breaks them from their reverie.
“Jinyoung ah, meet my ex, Mark Tuan.” Jaebum carelessly introduces, his tone impassive and chilling to the bone, challenging Mark to see how he’ll respond.
Jaebum gives it to Mark for remaining calm and composed, as the elder bows his head without missing a beat. Mark is in the midst of shaking his hand, when his own manager stumbles into the studio, loud, friendly and sociable, passing boxes of donuts to the staff and makeup team.
“Jackson ah, come here there’s someone I’ll like you to meet.” Mark calls out clearly and authoritatively.
Jackson jumps at his name and skips over to Mark’s side like an overly enthusiastic puppy. Jaebum ignores the downwards pull he feels in his stomach as Jackson comfortably rests his arm on Mark’s shoulder.
“Jacks, turns out that your idol is one of my ex-boyfriends so, sorry to burst your bubble but the Jaebum that I knew is nothing like the magazine interviews you’ve told me about. I think he’s been lying.” Mark adds coyly and intentionally, as Jackson’s initial warm gaze turns into something a little more hostile.
All but Jaebum’s eyebrow twitches a little to reveal his masked emotions. It passes by unnoticed to everyone but Mark, of course, the elder too used to being hyper-observant and sensitive to all of Jaebum’s expressions. Jaebum clears his throat and announces for everyone to be on standby as a means of escape, before turning his back away from Mark, and heads towards the set.
Jaebum is incredibly focused at work, as he barks instructions from behind the lense. Mark accompanied by two models, tilt their heads and twist their bodies accordingly as Jaebum continuously presses the shutter and exclaims words of praise and encouragement for his models to continue. To the models’ relief, after a tiresome 30 minutes of posing, Jaebum calls for a break, finally feeling satisfied with the shots taken. He beckons Jinyoung to follow him outside as he lights a cigarette skillfully in one try and takes a long drag at it, before sighing and exhaling wisps of smoke.
“Is Mark the one who fucked you over?” Similar to Jaebum, Jinyoung doesn’t beat around the bush and that’s just how they prefer it.
“The one and only.” Jaebum’s honesty and easy admittance surprises him greatly.
Jinyoung remains tactfully quiet as he leaves Jaebum to brood in his thoughts for awhile, then passes him a bottle of water when he returns. Jaebum takes it appreciatively and crushes the finished cigarette butt beneath his tattered and worn down sneakers.
“Do you still miss him?”
“Terribly.”
***
Past
Mark wakes up to the smell of tom yam wafting in their room and the sound of someone obnoxiously slurping instant noodles. He stirs awake and checks his phone for the time, 2.33am, he’s going to kill his roommate, after forcing Jaebum to prepare another cup for him, that is.
“Still editing?” Mark inquires as he stands behind Jaebum to observe his monitor. Jaebum nods distractedly and impatiently gulps down the hot soup.
“Shit!” Jaebum curses, scalding his tongue by accident. Mark moves swiftly into action as he tears out the tissue from the box and wipes Jaebum’s mouth clean.
“ Pabo yah… ”
There is something endearing about the way Mark falls naturally into Korean with him, normally preferring to insult him in his native tongue instead. It causes a stir in his groin and Jaebum internally groans for reacting so pathetically. It was just Korean for goodness sake, and he called him an idiot to boot, he was an idiot for falling way too fast and hard for Mark, not like he’ll ever admit it out loud anyway.
***
Jaebum exhales in relief, when he finally finds his name amongst the other excessively grand gold printed-on-black glossy nameplates. He sits down unsure of what to expect, and busies his hands with adjusting the aperture and setting of his camera. The lights dim and he licks his lips nervously, a habit he’s had since young, as the crowd applauses, welcoming the start of fashion week.
It’s Mark’s debut as a professional adult model and Jaebum can’t help the butterflies that fill his stomach at the thought of his lover achieving his lifelong dream of strutting beautifully down the runway. His heart swells in pride as Mark finally strides towards the centre of the stage, looking as calm and poised as ever. They exchange glances briefly as Mark passes him, eyes staring pointedly into Jaebum’s camera. Jaebum feels his insides melt at the unspoken promise of a celebration that is soon to follow later that night.
The show ends on a high note with all the models appearing followed by the designer, Marc Jacobs himself and Jaebum notes proudly at how Mark is one of the lucky two models selectively chosen to stand next to him. While waiting for Mark to remove his makeup and change his clothes after the show, he accepts a glass of bubbling champagne feeling bubbly and giddy himself, at the pride that swells in his heart. He’s scanning through his pictures when a hand rests comfortably on his back before sliding down to grope his ass. Jaebum automatically assumes that it’s Mark and allows him to squeeze it once more, but then retaliates in shock when he finds another person, about fifteen years older, standing behind him instead. He blanches and is about to knock him out cold when Mark materialises beside him to restrain him. His eyes are blazing but his voice is surprisingly cool and calm as he coaxes Jaebum to walk away.
“He’s a filthy rich sponsor that is known for his paedophilic ways of eyeing fresh meat.” He explains. “Although on second thought,” Mark pauses, just as Jaebum shivers in his embrace, and turns back around to land a solid punch to his nose. “I don’t give a fuck about anyone else but no one touches my boyfriend.” Mark spat as he tugs Jaebum away with him.
Jaebum only found out months later after that incident that Mark was banned from participating in all future Marc Jacob’s shows, and some other fashion brands who were present, because his act of violence was seen as barbaric to the high-end fashion community. Mark’s reputation plummeted further when the sponsor tweeted malicious rumours about him and spread the false information online. Mark was always good at hiding his emotions, especially to the people closest to him, which offended and hurt Jaebum to be honest, as he confronted the elder a little too late.
“Why do you care? I hit him because I wanted to and subsequently, I had to pay for my actions. I don’t regret it so don’t expect me to take it back because, I won’t.”
“Why do I care? Do you even hear yourself? You endangered your fucking career over something that you could’ve controlled. You’re jobless right now because of me!”
“Shut up, it’s not because of you. And you’re not making things better by freaking out over what already happened. You want to be useful? Then think of a solution instead of barging in unannounced and whiny. It’s unlike you, Jaebum.”
Jaebum slammed the door shut on Mark that evening. Despite, acknowledging the truth in his words, it still stung to think that after a year, Mark still couldn’t confide in him but instead, he had learnt the truth from a junior, Yugyeom, that was from the same course. After walking around aimlessly to cool his head and finding it extremely ineffective, he stumbles into a classic street-side food stall and ordered four bottles of soju to finish on his own. It’s pitiful how in the end, the person who he had tried to avoid, and always to no avail, was the exact same one who had to haul his heavy and drunk body back to their apartment. Jaebum could hold his alcohol quite well but continued his drunken act, in order to have an excuse to stick closely and rely on Mark.
“You can stop acting now, I know you’re sober,” Mark announced when he returned to the room with a packet of medicine and a cup of water in hand. Jaebum drinks quietly not even bothering to deny his claim. Mark takes his hand and brings it to his face, cupping it gently before leaning his head against it. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs into his palm. Jaebum softens at his apology and invites Mark into his arms.
“Ah, I have some good news though,” Mark suddenly exclaims to lighten the atmosphere. “I finally found an agency that’s willing to take me in. They’re small, fairly new and the pay’s significantly lower than before but, at least it’s something right?”
Mark looks so positively delighted by hope that Jaebum cracks his first smile that day, and presses a soft kiss against Mark’s smooth forehead. “Yeah, something is always better than nothing.”
***
Class ended early that afternoon, and Jaebum rejoices internally at having more time to chill by himself before starting on the next day’s assignments. He picks up a couple of snacks and soft drinks on his way back to his dorm. He’s humming to himself, as he always does when he’s in a pleasant mood, but stops midway when a stranger looks up as he enters his room. What the hell was a mode (literally, he found out later) doing lying on his bed?
The model gives him a friendly smile and sits up to introduce himself, “Hey, I’m Mark Tuan. Today’s my first day and I’m your new roommate. Hope you don’t mind me sitting on your bed, I just cleaned my mattress and it’s not dry yet.”
Jaebum eyes him questioningly before placing his snacks down on his study table and taking a seat. He wheels the chair over to face him, “Hi, I’m Im Jaebum. Are you a foreigner because no offence, but your pronunciation is really weird.”
“Yeah, I’m from LA. I learnt a little but cut me some slack. I think my level of understanding at least, is decent.”
Jaebum nods his head in reply before whipping out his phone and replying to a friend’s message. He’s too used to being by himself so he doesn’t make small talk and continues to use his phone in silence. 30 minutes later, he realises that Mark may misunderstand him as a rude or standoffish, so he reluctantly looks up from his phone to offer him his chips. He ends up smiling a little when he finds Mark comfortably doing what he was doing before he came in, watching videos on his phone. He doesn’t seem bothered by the silence at all instead, he looked a bit agitated when Jaebum broke his attention by offering his chips with an amused grin plastered on his face.
“What’s so funny?”
“You.”
“Are you hitting on me?”
“No, maybe later, but not now.”
“I just find it funny how compatible we are. I mean, as roommates of course, because like me, you don’t seem to mind the silence.”
“Are you sure you’re not hitting on me? Because, just to let you know, I’m into guys.”
“Oh then I guess we’re more compatible than I initially thought.”
“You are so hitting on me.”
“And is it working?”
Mark gives him a cryptic smile before returning his focus back on his phone.
“Bring me out for dinner later, I’m new here and I have no idea where to go.”
“That was just about the oldest trick in the book Mark, I’m disappointed.”
“What matters is that it works. And I’m pretty sure I’m older than you and in Korea, you use honorifics right, Jaebum- ah ? Call me, Mark -hyung .”
“If we’re going by the book, we’re the same age because I’m an early 94’er and I don’t have to call you hyung .”
“But do you have a problem with calling me that?”
“No, if it’s what you want, hyung .”
***
“Jaebum-ah, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, it’s been all good for a year and a half, do you really want to risk ruining this?” Mark panics.
Jaebum stops the truck to face him. He takes his hands into his and pleads for Mark to look at him, “Hyung, what’s so bad about introducing my boyfriend to my parents?”
Mark looks down and twiddles his fingers nervously, “Don’t get me wrong, I really want to meet your parents, but I don’t think they’ll want to meet me. I’m not Korean and well, I’m not a girl.”
“I don’t want you to have to cut ties with your parents over our relationship. I don’t want to be the reason behind your family falling apart. I can’t handle the guilt if I jeopardize your family relations, Jaebum-ah.”
Jaebum gulps uneasily. Sure, it doesn’t make coming out any easier with his parents being more old-fashioned and traditional Koreans who work as farmers, and despite having a very close relationship with them, over the phone and through regular Skype calls, the last time they’ve met in person was before Jaebum started college. He fears that his parents will only remember him as the young and carefree high schooler that he once was, and forget the fact that their only son has grown up, become more experienced and changed. However, as Jaebum watches Mark slowly melt into his own pessimistic thoughts, more concerned over protecting Jaebum’s relationship with his parents than how they might detest him, he knows with his gut that it’ll be worth it. He doesn’t want to lie to his parents anymore whenever they asked if he’s met anyone in Seoul, and he doesn’t want to hide Mark from them anymore or from anyone for that matter, because Mark fills him entirely and makes him whole, and if it’s one thing he knows he’s done right in his life, one thing he’s most confident about himself, it’s his unconditional love for Mark.
“Hyung, I know it’s cheesy but, you’re the most important thing to me now, the most important person to me ever. Nothing, not even my parents, can keep me away from you.” Jaebum assures. “And, I just feel like they deserve to know. They’re my parents, and they’ve never done anything to stop me from pursuing whatever I desired. As their son, it’s the least I can do. I really don’t want to lie to them anymore.”
Mark’s throat closes up at the rawness and sincerity of Jaebum’s words. The reason why he’s so insecure is because things didn’t turn out well when he came out to his parents before he left the States. They called him names and shouted at him for bringing dishonour to their family. It sounds stereotypically funny but it was anything but. Compared to his elder siblings to majored in more “realistic” jobs such as business and accountancy, at six, he was scouted by agents to model for luxury kids wear items. Initially, his parents didn’t think much of it and didn’t mind the extra income. They believed that this would be temporary and that their usual quiet and withdrawn son will dislike being the centre of attention and persuade them to let him quit. It surprised them all that Mark was a natural born star and soon, he was called to model in many shoots for a wide array of brands. Naturally, his fame skyrocketed to the point where his parents, too busy enjoying the free lavish gifts by high-ended brands, signed him to a label to be taken care of by a proper managerial team.
One night when Jaebum and Mark were taking a midnight stroll around campus for some fresh air, hand in hand, Jaebum had asked him why he chose modelling as his career. It stumped Mark at first, since he was scouted and dragged in so deep into the industry that he never thought he had the ability or chance to try anything else.
“I was always more quiet and meek growing up,” Mark reflects, his hand naturally curling tighter around Jaebum’s smaller one. Jaebum gives him an encouraging squeeze and patiently waits for him to continue. “I still am, but I guess the reason why I enjoy modelling is because it’s one of those jobs that seem easy but it’s not. And I enjoy having the outcome of the work I do come out effortless when in actual fact, it’s exhausting and tiresome. It gives me a sense of pride and satisfaction to be able to do something I love decently well.”
“You model exceptionally well.” Jaebum deadpans.
Mark rolls his eyes and Jaebum’s obvious bias but says nothing as he snuggles closer to Jaebum’s side and rests his head on Jaebum’s broad shoulder.
It was then that he decided to confess to Jaebum why he came to Korea in the first place.
“I know I told you before that I came to Korea because I wanted to take a break and focus on studying, but actually, it’s because I got kicked out of my home in LA and I had nowhere else to go. My company was generous enough to ask if I wanted to work at their branch in Korea instead, and recommended me to come to this school so that I had a place to stay as well. My boss explained that I could pay them back with the commission fees I earned here.”
He didn’t know when he started to cry until Jaebum shifted his body to engulf him in a tight hug. He rubbed his back soothingly and rested his palm on the nape of his neck. He realised that that was the first time he’d broken down since he came to Korea and he had never felt more grateful for Jaebum’s presence as he clutched onto him tightly and wept silently into his shoulder. Jaebum held him without complaint and comforted him for as long as he needed.
“Mark-ah,”
Mark whips his head back up at Jaebum’s voice. Jaebum normally calls him hyung to please him despite them being technically the same age in Korea. However, Mark is not offended instead, he feels what Jaebum had desired to make him feel by speaking to him on the same level - assured and taken care of.
“I promise that whatever happens next, I will never leave you.”
Mark chokes up at the promise held in Jaebum’s voice but presses his lips firmly together in order to keep in control of his emotions. He beams at him, eyes glossy with unshed tears, and hops out from the passenger seat. He gulps anxiously and follows Jaebum’s lead into his parents’ house. Right before they enter, he thoughtfully unclasps his hand but Jaebum’s firmly holds on, encouraging him with his eyes that it’ll be alright. He takes off his shoes and calls out to his parents that he’s home.
His mother skips joyously to them first, grinning widely from ear to ear as she embraces her son. Mark smiles to himself at their uncanny resemblance. She’s too overjoyed to realise their entwined hands but, when Jaebum’s father emerges from the room, he pauses in doubt at the two of them together. Mark bows awfully low and murmurs his greetings. Compared to his own family, he feels even more of a wreck today. Jaebum’s father ignores him and his stomach sinks further into the ground but Jaebum greets his father warmly and tugs Mark’s hand into their house.
“Mom, Dad, I have someone I’ll like you to meet.” Jaebum begins as his mother sits down after setting the table.
“I’m not sure how you’ll react to this but I feel like it’s something that you should know. In Seoul, I found my first love and he’s sitting before you now, my boyfriend whom I love and respect so much, Mark.”
The room goes dreadfully silent and Mark is trembling from the nerves but realises that he has to be respectful so he stands up and gives them another more than 90 degrees bow, “Nice to meet you Mr and Mrs Im, my name is Mark.” He keeps his head hung low, afraid to see the accusatory gaze that will soon inevitably follow.
“I knew it.” His mother bemusedly comments.
The two young men nearly dropped their jaws at her statement.
“What? Mom since when?”
“Since the beginning, sweetheart. I saw the way your gaze changed when you were still a preschooler at the playground. You were never interested to hold hands with the girls but always insisted that you wanted to hold some older boy’s hand instead.” Mrs Im rolled her eyes at the memory.
Mark snorts unintentionally but it broke the silence as the three of them laugh out loud. But, it isn’t that easy. Mr Im stands up from his chair and walks away without another word. Mark feels his world coming down and he’s afraid of what’s going to happen to Jaebum but Jaebum on the other hand still looks calm. He squeezes Mark’s hand once and smiles adoringly at his mother, thankful that he always has her on his side. He leaves to find his father in his study. His stern back faces him while he faces the window with a blank expression on his face.
“Dad,” Jaebum calls, tentatively.
His father doesn’t turn to face him but sighs forlornly at the scenery outside.
“I’m still your son, you know.”
Mr Im turns around then and swallows the uncomfortable lump down his throat. He was never a man who showed his emotions freely and the two had never talked about anything other than work or sports but Jaebum knows for a fact that despite his tough exterior and minimal expressions, deep down he’s just like Jaebum, or more like Jaebum is just like him, and the two have always had a hidden soft spot for family and the people whom they cared about.
“Whatever it is, stay safe. And when things get tough, always remember that it was your decision to be with that boy in the first place.”
Jaebum nods and flushes at his dad’s unexpectedly warm words. Tears are falling freely down his cheeks and he quickly wipes them away, thanking his dad profusely, before leaving him alone.
Mark weeps into Jaebum’s arms in relief, extremely grateful to all the gods in the universe, that he didn’t ruin another person’s family like he did to his own. Jaebum caresses him gently and allows a few tears to escape his eyes too. At this sight, his mom bursts into tears and hugs the two of them dearly into her chest. It’s been slightly more than six or seven years since Mark was ever hugged by anyone who reminded him of a mother and so he cries at her familiar scent and softness of her slightly chubby arms.
“I love you,” He murmurs over and over again.
“I love you too.” He assures with all of his heart and soul.
***
Present
“Hyung!” Jackson says then suddenly excuses himself to ‘check on Mark’s schedule’.
“What is it, Jacks? Spit it out, I don’t have all day.” Mark sighs as the makeup artist hovers over his face to touch up before the third shoot.
“How are you feeling?”
Mark looks over to Jackson and is touched by the genuine sincerity that shone whenever he spoke. Four simple words to assure him that someone cares about his wellbeing. His manager deserves a pay raise for doubling as such a great best friend.
“Are you asking me as my manager or a friend?”
“Both.”
“As my manager, I’m good and ready for the next shoot. As a friend, I’m pissed off because you didn’t tell me that Jaebum was the photographer.”
“How was I supposed to know that the Im Jaebum was your damn ex-boyfriend?”
“How many Im Jaebums could there possibly be working in our industry anyway?”
“There could be tons!”
Mark glares at his idiot of a friend but hops off the chair to fix up the leather jacket he has on. It has studs all over and graffiti covering the side pockets. Inside, he’s wearing a mesh black netted top and ripped denim jeans with huge holes and cuts everywhere. It’s an odd ensemble but no one really questions high fashion, even though his red underwear can clearly be seen if he lifts up one of his legs on the steel metal cage he’s sitting on later, while posing swiftly for the camera.
It’s ridiculous that Jaebum still feels something for the elder and he despises the feeling so much that he calls for another break shortly after taking only twenty to thirty shots. Mark is so damn distracting with his alluring gaze and smouldering lips, it should be a crime to look that goddamn sexy in the weirdest clothes imaginable. He groans while finishing another cigarette and fishing out a new one from his pack.
“Didn’t peg you for a smoker.”
Mark’s voice breaks him from his reverie and he’s shocked by the elder’s sudden appearance.
“I would ask you for one but I’m working right now. Don’t want any yellow stains on my teeth.” Mark casually remarks.
“What do you want?” Jaebum is confused by his tone and his appearance and his face that he so desperately wants to suck off.
Mark stretches out his arms in front of him and Jaebum notices that he took off the jacket, leaving him with only the skimpy piece of mesh material. He hates how he’s sure that Mark is doing it deliberately.
“Honestly? I want to go home on time but looking at how distracted you are, I doubt the shoot will even finish by tomorrow. Some professional you are.” Mark scoffs.
“And so, are you going to give me a solution or just complain like what you do best?” Jaebum retorts.
“Lucky for you, I do have a temporary solution but then we’re no longer a couple so, things could get very messy and complicated.”
“Since when were things not messy and/or complicated between us?”
“Touche.” Mark acknowledges as he pins the younger against the wall and seals his chapped lips with a passionate and deep kiss.
How could Jaebum ever refuse?
***
“You never told me why you guys broke up.” Jinyoung questions Jaebum as they make their way back to the set together.
After disappearing off-set for the next fifteen to twenty minutes, Jinyoung raids in on their parade and literally drags the two back into the building.
“Irresponsible dickheads who wasted everyone’s precious time. How old are you two even? You’re no longer in college, grow up.” Jinyoung scolds as he gestures for the makeup team to fix Mark’s after-fuck hair and swollen lips. He shakes his head in disapproval at the obvious red marks blooming on not only the model but on Jaebum’s thick neck as well. “Children, I’m surrounded by children!”
“Is he always this mean?” Mark giggles and Jaebum nearly tackles him again if not for Jinyoung mercilessly dragging him by the collar of his shirt.
“And now what? Suddenly you’re reunited after what? 3 or 4 years of failing to get over each other? This is precisely why I think relationships are stupid.” Jinyoung continues grumbling while instructing the other models to be in position and for the rest of the crew to start preparing for the shoot again.
“I don’t think we’re back together. As Mark said, it was only a form of temporary relief. I don’t think we’re meant for each other.” Jaebum says quietly while adjusting his camera to the right setting.
“Dude really? I’ve never seen as much colour in your cheeks or life on your face since Mark waltzed into our studio.”
Jinyoung didn’t mean to but he stroke a nerve there. Jaebum is aware, too aware, of how much his happiness and moods actually rely on the boy standing across him.
“I know which is why to answer your question, the reason why we broke up.”
“I don’t get it.”
“We fell out because he was getting tired of me leeching onto him. I loved him more than I loved myself that I was willing to do anything he asked without any questions, including when he asked me to break up with him.”
“But, why the hell would he ask you to do that when he clearly loves you? And why the hell would you even accept it anyway when you’re obviously still madly in love with him?”
“Exactly. We were so caught up with each other that we had no time for ourselves. It was a relationship that was going nowhere. It was a relationship based on nothing but our emotions, which are fleeting, and we both knew deep down inside that it was going to be the catalyst of our own destruction.”
“Let me guess, so you agreed to break up because you wanted him to live a better life without you or some bullshit like that?”
“On the contrary,” Jaebum answers as Mark walks back into the frame and has enough decency to apologise to his coworkers. “I fought like hell at first. I was so angry, Jinyoung. I don’t think I’ve ever been angrier and if you thought I was violent now, I was cruel back then, blinded by the rage that consumed me regularly. But Mark didn’t take my shit lightly, so we didn’t just fight with words but we fought physically too. Stupid, I know but it was a way to let out some steam. At the end of it, we were both bleeding fools sitting in a damn police station and my parents got called in to bail me out. But you know what’s the worst part? Back then, I was morbidly glad that the person who hurt me the most was locked up, and we were forced to part with neither of us having to initiate it. But after a year, I felt like the worst scum on Earth that he was forced to stay a night because he had no one to bail him out like I did because only then, did I truly realise that the only person who could ever be there for him, was me yet, I left him and never looked back.”
“I was the selfish one Jinyoung. I wanted to live a better life by throwing him out of it. I’m still the selfish one because at the end of the day, he’s still spoiling me by letting me play the victim while he has no choice but to act as the sole and only villain.”