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He was so damn tired of seeing Erwin like this; up at three A.M. with only a bottle of whiskey to keep his troubled mind company.
"Erwin." He hissed, his throat tight.
The blond looked up, his eyes rimmed red with weariness. God, he was such a mess. Erwin tried to collect himself and smooth back his tousled hair, but he only made it worse.
"God, isn't this pathetic?" He threw his head back to let out a broken sound, his grin manic and desperate. It was so out of character to see the image of control in a tailspin. Levi bit back bitterness; no man was an island in and of himself, and shouldn't have been surprised by his behavior. But he took no comfort knowing that this is how they'd all end up: half drunk on guilt and nightmares.
Erwin's hands fumbled for the lid on the bottle, but he was too uncoordinated to accomplish his goal. Apparently his more sober past-self had enough wits left about him to try and hinder further inebriation. A fat lot of good it did him.
He was quiet for a long time, his shoulders sagging with the weight of the world. It was rare to see him loose, let alone drunk. Yet here they were, and quite frankly? Seeing him unraveled once was too much by Levi’s standards. It was painful to be reminded that they were human.
Finally, he gave in and put his head in his hands and heaved a great sigh. He needn't say anything of this troubles; Levi knew them too well as his own.
Gently, he pushed the bottle away. "Erwin." He tried again, softer this time. In the end his voice was still too rough, his mouth still too uncouth and coarse to be gentle. After all these years, he still had yet to learn to be soft.
Erwin leaned his head back to look at him, but that wasn't quite right either. He wasn't really looking at him, but rather through him. The hairs on his neck stood on end, his fists clenching, knuckles white and taught. Mentally, Erwin was gone. He could tell by the thousand yard stare, and he knew whether it be some phantom or the alcohol that something was taking hold of him. Perhaps it took hold of all the veterans, one comrade at a time.
Slowly, Levi threaded his fingers through his hair.
At first Erwin flinched at his touch, tightening his fists at a memory a moment, then relaxing. His focused returned, blue eyes studying him with a burning intensity. Levi shuddered, uncomfortably familiar with being dissected and exposed under his heavy gaze.
Eventually Erwin would sober up and carry on like nothing had ever happened, but seeing such a strong person reduced to ash was wrong. It didn't matter how many times he stitched himself back together, he'd always know the cracks in the foundation were there. They were in everyone nowadays.
In the end it came down to this: Levi had a choice to make. He could sit idly by and watch him go down in a fit of flames, or show him he cared in the only he knew how; that if he burned up, he'd jump on the pyre too.
He gave a sharp tug, fingers twisting painfully in his blond hair. He hated knowing someone so well that words were no longer needed. He hated knowing their every thought, their every movement just by watching them. Most of all he hated knowing Erwin like that, and that Erwin knew just how intimate the two had become. He always knew the secrets Levi tried so hard to keep. Then again, perhaps they were never his to keep. Perhaps they'd always been Erwin's.
He forced Erwin to look at him, and he obeyed under his touch. All he could do was communicate in the only way he knew how.
He wasted no time in closing the distance between them. Immediately he recognized the burn of whiskey on his tongue, and the acrid taste of copper lining the cut on his mouth. It was familiar, almost painfully so.
“Levi--”
He attempted to stand, but stumbled. Levi ended up with his arm slung around his shoulder, hand pressed against the tight coil of muscle of his back. Even under his fingertips he could feel his pulse like a live wire, humming, surging with life. He needed to fan that fire. Erwin was strong, dammit, and he wouldn't let him burn out. Not like this.
He didn't give him a chance to say anything else. Levi could give him peace of mind for once night.
His hands trailed to meet his, not realizing that Erwin was holding onto him for dear life, like he was the last anchor keeping him tethered there. There was no hiding the bandages wrapped around his calloused hands, knuckles red and raw from yet another loss. He was battle worn, just like every other day of their damn lives. They had to fight just for a right to exist, he wouldn't make him fight for his affection.
Erwin stilled, and reciprocated, hands wandering anxiously for a place to rest. They finally settled on his hips, where he pulled him closer into a warm embrace.
He managed to close the door with his foot, his hands occupied with more fragile matters. What they needed most was privacy.
They didn't need an audience to watch them fall apart.