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Jason Todd had never believed the saying “opposites attract.” Growing up, difference of opinions or opposite actions only brought chaos into his home. Even all the years later, after Bruce, after the Joker, after the Pit, he still hadn’t understood; why would someone want a partner that was the complete opposite of them?
Then he met you, and it was like the clouds parted and the sun finally dawned on him.
You were soft curves and he was hard edges. You were springtime flowers and he was a fire in the dead of winter. You were laughter and rainbows and sunshine and everything good and pure and kind in the world, and he was violence and scars and darkness.
In theory the two of you would have never worked, but in practice? It was like you were made for each other.
Jason knew he didn’t deserve you, he had tried to convince you of such as well when he first started the recognize his feelings for you as more than friendly. He had been like an ocean wave, trying to push you back to shore, trying to push you away from him to a place where you would be safe from the things that lurked inside of him, where you would be safe from harm and danger. And yet you had resisted, jumping in and swimming against the current, so brave and undaunted.
You had reminded him at first of a suicidal sailor, desperate to drown, to let the salty ocean water swallow you whole and fill your lungs. He didn’t realize until much later that you were a mermaid, breathing him in, needing him to survive just as he needed you. It was only then that he had accepted you and stopped fighting.
But it is hard to stop doing something once you have done it for so long.
He was still hesitant at times to let you in, to talk to him and comfort him, to love him and support him.
It wasn’t that he was afraid to show weakness around you, he knew it made no difference in his masculinity to do so. Rather, it was the threat of tainting you. You, who were so innocent and naive about the atrocities and horrors of the world, no one had ever wished or attempted harm unto you, you had never had to fight to survive, you had never felt your bones break under the weight of the enemy, you had never been too late to save someone, you had never killed someone, you had never been killed yourself, you had never been replaced and forgotten and reviled and hated and feared.
If he were to tell you any of this, he feared you would lose whatever brightness that lived inside of you.
And the thought of that destroyed him.
You knew it too. You knew he purposefully didn’t tell you things to shelter you. It frustrated you that he would, for one, believe you totally and completely unable to handle whatever it was he told you, and two, for him to be hurting and you to be unable to help. You just wish he would talk to you, let you hold him and kiss him and remind him that it was all over, he had a few times, but more times then not, he remained silent and bore the full weight of whatever tormented him.
Tonight, though, was not one of those nights.
A thunderstorm had made its way to Gotham City. Grey clouds had filled the sky early in the evening and had opened up just as night descended, thunder and lightning had started soon after, and there had been no signs of a reprieve any time soon.
Storms had never bothered you, in fact, you had found them comforting, an occasion where it was socially acceptable to dress in pajamas, wrap yourself into a burrito with a blanket, and read, what wasn’t there to love?
But then you met Jason, and that changed.
You were laying in bed, Jason was sleeping next you, you were still awake, listening to the rhythmic tap of raindrops on the windows. You were just drifting off when a flash of lightning cut through the sky, the entire apartment being bathed in a silver light. Almost immediately after, thunder clapped, strong and loud, resonating through the city.
And as soon as the thunder sounded, Jason shot up in bed, startling you into jumping up and letting out a little yelp. He was gasping, sweaty, his bare chest rising and falling quickly as he attempted to regain his composure. He was looking all around, assessing his surroundings like he didn’t know where he was, you were terrified, you’d never seen him like this.
“Jason,” you whispered as you reached out and touched his shoulder, his body so warm it almost burned you.
He jumped beneath your touch causing you to pull away, he glanced at you, eyes wide and scared as he took you in. He reached out and squeezed your arm, it was like he didn’t believe you were really there.
“Jason,” you said again, (y/e/c) eyes locking with his blue ones, “are you okay?”
He was silent for a moment before he quickly removed his hand and shook his head, when his eyes returned to yours, they were normal again, all the previous terror gone as if he hadn’t just violently woken up with a clap of thunder.
“Yeah, I’m good babe,” he said, a smile on his face, “thunder just surprised me was all.”
He was shaking a little.
“Are you sure?” you asked.
Jason’s face fell, but he nodded. He suddenly pulled the covers off his lower half and climbed out of bed.
“Where are you going?” you asked.
“Just need some fresh air,” he responded.
“Jason, it’s storming outside,” you said, “please come back to bed.”
He smiled again, running a hand through his hair, “just a second babe,” he said, planting a kiss on your forehead before exiting the room.
You laid back down in bed but you didn’t sleep until Jason came back almost thirty minutes later. He climbed into bed and pulled you close to him, wrapping himself around you, you followed his lead and let him hold you, he smelt of cigarette smoke even though he’d been trying to quit.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” you asked him, he was lazily tracing patterns your collarbone with his fingers.
“Talk about what?” he asked, feigning ignorance, yet he paused and tensed beneath you at the mention.
You turned your head up to look him in the eyes and raised an eyebrow.
He shook his head and grimaced, “it’s fine,” he said.
You sighed, “Jason,” you said, “you’re doing it again: locking me out.”
He was silent, he dropped his gaze from yours and bit his lip in the darkness.
Another flash of lightning and then a clap of thunder following caused Jason to jump. You placed your hand softly on his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat and hoping to calm him. When he looked back at you, there were tears in his eyes.
“Please Jay,” you whispered, “just...just let me in.”
He let out a shaky breath and nodded, slowly unlocking himself from you and sitting up, you followed and placed your arm comfortingly on his shoulder, rubbing small circles into his hard shoulders.
“I-It’s about that night,” he said quietly, like he didn’t want to speak too loud and let whatever it was out into the world and make it real, “the night I…” he paused, the words getting caught in his throat.
You shook your head, “you don’t have to elaborate,” you said softly, “I know what you’re talking about.”
The night he’d died.
Though during the day and around others Jason always put on a show, laughing and joking, using his death as a punchline, it haunted him at night. He’d told you briefly of his nightmares, flashbacks, and the likes, but only briefly when they became too obvious for him to brush off.
Usually tonight would be one of the episodes you’d let slide, but you were done being kept out by him, it broke your heart when he suffered, and you knew the best way to heal was to talk, not go on some self destructive rampage like he had in the past. Better to let it happen now, better late than never.
He sighed and ran a hand down his face and shrugged, turning back to look at you, “the thunder and lightning...it reminds me of the explosion, the building collapsing, everything before that,” he let out a mirthless laugh, “look at me, big, bad, Jason Todd, scared of storms.”
“We all got our things, Jay,” you said, “I don’t like heights cause I fell from a tree when I was five.”
Jason let out a genuine chuckle at your statement, “are you really comparing me dying to you falling four feet?”
You faked mock offense, “I’ll have you know I broke my wrist from that fall you ass!”
He laughed now, fully, tension leaving him as you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him down so that you were back to your former position, wrapped together, comfortable and safe in each other’s arms. Another flash of lightning and a clap of thunder and this time Jason only tensed slightly, relaxing almost immediately after.
“Sorry for waking you up, doll,” he said.
“No,” you said, kissing his nose, “don’t ever apologize, because however many more nightmares you have, however much you wake me up or tease me about my childhood trauma, I will always be there, it will never be a burden to me, Jason, you will never be a burden to me.”
Jason was silent for a moment, still holding you, his blue eyes still locked on your (y/e/c/) ones, he pressed a kiss to your forehead and pulled you closer to him so that now your face was pressed against his warm, bare chest, you could hear his heart had returned to normal and you smiled.
“I love you, (y/f/n),” he said, his voice sleepy, a yawn punctuating the end.
You closed your eyes and yawned with him, “I love you too, Jason.”
And that was the last thing he heard before he drifted off to a world where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. A world that with you, was a reality.