Work Text:
It wasn’t working.
That’s what they had told each other a year ago. Mutual, they had said. The best thing for everyone involved, really. For them, for the band, for their friends and family.
And they were still friends; of course they were. They were best friends; they wouldn’t give each other up for anything in the world. They would figure it out, they had said.
And they had. There had been some initial awkwardness, sure, some re-learning how to get along and how to be comfortable in the same room alone together, what was okay and what wasn’t. But they had managed. Things had gotten back to normal.
And then Josh had gotten a new boyfriend.
The relationship had moved quickly; a whirlwind romance, his friends remarked when they thought Tyler wasn’t listening. They had been practically inseparable over the 6 months they had been together. It had been half a year since their breakup; it was fine for Josh to have moved on, Tyler insisted. Just because he wasn’t seeing anyone new didn’t mean Josh couldn’t.
Josh was careful not to talk too much about his new boyfriend to Tyler, but Tyler still heard plenty: whispered phone conversations at night in their bunks, excited blabbing to Mark or Brad. Tyler knew plenty about this new guy in Josh’s life.
But it was still okay. They re-learned again how to be around each other, and there were some awkward moments again (like the time when Tyler accidentally picked up Josh’s phone when it buzzed with a particularly filthy sext that made his blood boil and his stomach churn), but things were normal. They were still best friends, and everything was fine between them.
Except for how Tyler was still in love with Josh.
And it wasn’t nostalgic, confused, mostly friends but maybe some leftover feelings love. No, he was still madly, passionately, disgustingly, head-over-heels in love with Josh. Josh was the most important thing in his life. He was convinced that the only sunshine he had in his world radiated directly from Josh’s body, from his smile. He was Tyler’s everything.
But he wasn’t Tyler’s anymore. So Tyler tried to deal.
Mostly, things really were fine. The band did well, and Tyler and Josh remained best friends. They spent time together, they worked together, they toured together, and everyone applauded their ability to prevent their breakup from impacting their careers. Their maturity in handling it was admirable, their friends said.
All Tyler could do was wonder how Josh had managed to handle everything so much better than he did.
--
Tyler knew Josh really had loved him. They had been together for almost three years when they decided to call it quits, and they had been the best three years of Tyler’s life. He knew that things had gone south for a while before their breakup, and he hadn’t blamed Josh for asking if he thought things were going to start affecting their work, if they’d be better off apart. He only blamed himself for lying and saying that he did.
Josh had loved him hard, and he had loved him unconditionally. For someone as up and down as Tyler knew he could be, that was an accomplishment. He had spent a significant portion of their relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering when Josh would get sick of his mood swings, his flips between wanting complete isolation and being starved for contact and comfort, his doubts. Soon after they had split, Tyler had realized that that shoe was never going to drop. Josh just wasn’t that type. He realized that Josh had meant it when he said he wasn’t bothered by any of the things Tyler loathed about himself on his darker days. Josh had the kindest heart and the most patient soul Tyler had ever seen in any person. He didn’t only tolerate Tyler, he loved him, loved him for exactly who he was, good and bad.
So Tyler knew Josh had loved him. Just like he knew Josh probably loved this new guy just as hard, just as unconditionally. Tyler knew Josh didn’t have the capacity to do anything except love people that much. He didn’t do things halfway.
The thing was, Josh was the only person who had loved Tyler that much.
Tyler had a tendency to drive people away, whether he was making a conscious effort or not. He had friends, but most of them existed on the fringes of his social circle. The people he considered real friends cared about him, sure, but they were all Josh’s friends first, not his, pulled into his orbit by the years he spent with the drummer by his side.
Josh had the kind of purity that attracted everyone. The same things Tyler loved so desperately in the drummer were the things that caused everyone else around him to love him too. He was constantly surrounded by friends and people who cared about him. More people loved him than Tyler would ever have known what to do with, but Josh never seemed to run out of places to put that love or love to give back to them. He had so many people who cared about him. Tyler couldn’t even be upset about that, because he saw exactly what they saw in Josh too.
Helped along in no small part by the looks he was consistently too humble to acknowledge, Josh had been pursued by men throughout their relationship and after it ended. He had rarely even noticed that he was being hit on while he was with Tyler, and on the rare occasion that he did, he was quick to shut down any lingering hopes his pursuers held, all soft, apologetic smiles and reaching to hold Tyler’s hand gently in his. Even in the first few months following their breakup, Tyler had witnessed countless men try their luck with Josh, falling quickly for his dark eyes, his blinding, knee-weakening smile, his easygoing way. Tyler had watched him quietly turn them all away, casting careful glances his way. And he had been grateful; he was still licking his wounds, and Josh was endlessly sweet to put his own life on hold in consideration of Tyler’s feelings.
Tyler knew he couldn’t keep it up forever, and so when Josh had hesitantly confessed to him that he was seeing someone new, he had forced a smile onto his face and hugged his best friend, insisting that he was happy, no, thrilled for him. Josh had smiled carefully back at him, searching Tyler’s eyes with his own beautiful, gentle gaze, and Tyler had tried not to flinch in the face of it.
Tyler knew it was inevitable; people were just drawn to Josh. He was everyone’s favorite person, the sunshine of a hundred people’s lives, and they all radiated light back on him from all sides.
The thing was, he was the only light in Tyler’s world. He wasn’t surrounded by love the way Josh was. Josh had everything. He only had Josh.
--
Tyler knew he was a jealous person, but he tried hard to keep it in check. He tried impossibly hard to keep the frowns off of his face, the harsh words behind his lips, the crossed arms and the tension out of his posture. Josh seemed unbelievably happy all the time, had been practically walking on air the last 6 months, the happiest and most in love Tyler had ever seen him. And so he tried hard to be the supportive best friend he was supposed to be. He did want Josh to be happy, to keep smiling that bright smile all the time. He loved him, of course he did. He wanted everything good in the world for Josh. He told himself that over and over, trying to ward off the selfish, ugly little creature that lived inside of him, whispering that Josh should be smiling at him like that, not at anyone else, should be whispering to him in the middle of the night, should be texting him filthy messages that made his stomach flip, should be kissing him good morning and goodnight every day.
He knew it was inevitable that he would slip.
--
They were home on a break from tour when it finally became too much. Tyler knew that Josh had essentially moved in with his boyfriend in Columbus so he didn't have to stay in his apartment in LA and only see him every so often when they finally got some time off. It let Tyler see Josh more, so he tried not to take it too hard.
Josh was sprawled out across Tyler's couch, his legs flopped over Tyler’s, dark eyes fixed on the screen as a movie Tyler had watched approximately one minute of so far played on. Tyler felt his skin burning at every point of contact he had with Josh; could feel every molecule of Josh that was touching any part of him. He breathed in and out steadily, reminding himself that this was normal, they had always been physical, even outside of their relationship. This was something he was glad to have gotten back after the initial awkwardness of their breakup wore off; he would have missed it desperately if Josh was never comfortable enough to touch him casually like this again.
It wasn’t working.
His hands ached to touch Josh’s skin. He was so close, perfectly within reach, but Tyler knew better than to reach out for him the way he wanted to. He tried to be content with what he had, with the heavy weight of Josh’s legs across his lap and the warm feeling he got when Josh flicked his gaze from the screen to Tyler’s face, catching his eye and smiling a little, a small smile just for him. He tried to pretend it was enough.
Josh’s phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of them. He flashed Tyler an apologetic look, and Tyler paused the movie as Josh picked it up.
“Hey, babe,” he said softly, and Tyler’s stomach lurched hard. “No, I’m just here with Tyler,” he continued, smiling at Tyler again before fixing his gaze back on his hands, twisting the blanket in his lap. He listened for a few seconds, and Tyler strained his ears but couldn’t hear the words coming from the other side of the call.
Josh’s face changed; he frowned a little, picking at a loose thread on the blanket with his nails. “What? No,” he replied to something he said. “Do you need me?”
He sighed deeply, letting go of the thread he had been pulling. “Okay, yeah, I know.” He listened again, and Tyler watched a slow smile spread across his face. His stomach twisted violently; he knew that smile, had seen that smile hundreds of times before. That used to be a smile just for him. “I know, of course I know that.” Tyler felt the jealousy swirling in his gut like a storm. “Yes. Of course, babe.” He tried to breathe through it, counting his inhales and his exhales, but it wasn’t calming the waves this time. “Me too. Bye.”
Josh hung up the phone and raised his gaze to Tyler, furrowing his brow slightly at the look on his face. “Are you okay, Ty?” he asked, sitting up and pulling his legs off of Tyler to tuck them underneath himself. Tyler nodded stiffly, not trusting himself to speak. Josh looked skeptical, but he continued. “I’m sorry, Ty, can we finish this another night? Something came up.” He stood and stretched, his shirt riding up a little as he lifted his arms over his head, exposing just a sliver of his perfect skin, the hard planes of his abdomen. Tyler couldn’t force his eyes away from the sight, his mouth a little dry.
Josh reached down to pull on his shoes, talking about something Tyler couldn’t hear over the rushing in his ears. He felt the words rising in his throat; he scrambled to hold them back, but before he could stop himself, he heard his voice, firm and so much stronger than he felt.
“Josh.”
Josh turned away from the door he had been heading toward, confusion on his face. “Yeah, Ty?” he asked, tilting his head a little.
It wasn’t too late. Tyler could still back out of this, tell him goodbye and let him go, continue the charade he had been living for the last 6 months. Keep things the way they were. Keep Josh, rather than risk not having him at all.
He couldn’t hold it back.
“Why are you with him, Josh?” he burst out, then clapped a hand immediately over his mouth, a horrified expression spreading across his face.
“What?” Josh asked slowly, taking a hesitant step back toward the couch.
Tyler started trembling, anger and jealousy and horror running together through his veins like ice water, like molten lava. He had wanted to say so many things to Josh for so long, and now they were all bubbling to the surface without his permission, spilling from his throat.
“Josh, what are you doing with him?” he repeated, the anger loud and evident in his voice. Josh looked shocked, frozen. It just made Tyler’s jealousy run hotter. “I don’t understand. Is he everything I wasn’t? Does he make you fucking happy, J? Does he make you happier than I did?” He was shouting now, his fists clenched at his sides, staving off the crushing misery he felt with white-hot fury, with righteous indignation.
Still Josh didn’t speak, staring open-mouthed and wide-eyed at Tyler. Even like this, with his features frozen in shock, he was so, so beautiful. Tyler’s heart ached; he needed.
“I just don’t fucking understand it, J. Is he really so great? Is he everything you always wanted me to be? Does he fucking know you like I do?”
“Tyler, what are you talking about?” Josh finally asked, his voice sounding strangled, like he had been punched. Tyler felt his anger deflating quickly at the sound of his voice; he rushed to grasp onto it, fighting desperately to keep it.
“I’m talking about you! Jesus, you have so many fucking people who love you so much, but you don’t even realize that you are everything I have. I’m dying without you. What are you doing, J? I mean, you’re already living with this guy. It’s been 6 months. Is everything really that perfect? Do you love him that much? Because I still fucking love you and I just want to fucking understand why you’re with him when you should be with me.”
The words exploded out of him, slicing through the air between them. Tyler heard them echoing around the small space of the living room. He wished he could yank them back, bury them under all of the layers of guilt that were settling heavily in his stomach the longer he looked at Josh’s face.
Josh looked stricken; his face had paled immediately when he heard Tyler speak. Tyler could see his hands trembling from where he stood, caught in limbo between the couch and the door. Tyler’s heart throbbed all the way through his chest and down his arms at the sight. “Josh,” he whispered, taking a step forward, reaching his hand out tentatively, “Josh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m so sorry, I-”
“No.”
Josh’s voice was soft, so soft that Tyler wouldn’t have even known that he had spoken if he hadn’t watched his mouth form the word.
He took another step toward Josh, carefully, so carefully. “Josh, J, I’m sorry, please, let’s just forget that I said that,” he pleaded, but Josh cut him off, stepping back sharply away from him.
“No, Tyler,” he said, suddenly so loud that Tyler froze in his tracks, “it isn’t fucking perfect, okay?”
“What-” Tyler began to ask, but Josh cut him off again.
“Everything isn't amazing and wonderful, Tyler, is that what you want to hear? I don't know what to do, is that what you want to know?”
“Josh-” Tyler started, but Josh cut him off again.
“What do you want from me, Tyler? Because I have no idea what I’m doing, and everything has gone to fucking shit, and I can’t get out, okay? I can’t get away.”
“What do you mean you can’t get out?” Tyler asked softly, taking another cautious step toward the drummer.
“I can’t get out, Tyler. I’m trapped,” he whispered, and Tyler wrapped a careful arm around his shoulders, guiding him back down to the couch beside him. “I don’t know how to get out anymore.. I’m just stuck. He wants to know what I’m doing all the time, I can’t go anywhere without talking to him, he calls me every night when we’re on tour so he knows what I’m doing. He texts me constantly if we can’t talk. I agreed to move in with him because I thought it would make him trust me more, make him see..” His voice trailed off, and Tyler couldn’t find his breath. “But it’s only made it worse.”
“Josh,” Tyler whispered, shocked and absolutely furious at the same time, “why didn’t you tell me?”
“What was I supposed to say, Ty?” Josh asked, running a hand through his hair in agitation. “That my boyfriend doesn’t want me to talk to you, so that’s why I’ve been distant? That he screams at me if I don’t call him every night, so that’s why I’m always holed up in my bunk on the phone? That I don’t know how to get out of this relationship because I don’t know what he’ll do to himself or to me if I do?”
“What do you mean you don’t know what he’ll do to you?” Tyler asked quietly, his voice low, serious. “Josh.” He hesitated, afraid of the answer to the question he hadn’t asked yet. “Has he- does he-. J, what does he do to you now?”
“Nothing,” Josh muttered, tugging on his hair again, shifting minutely away from Tyler. “He hasn’t done anything to me. I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know why I even think that he would. He’s never done anything to hurt me, he wouldn’t-”
“J, just because he hasn’t hit you doesn’t mean you’re safe,” Tyler said quietly, and Josh’s face twisted.
“I know,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes fixed on his knees instead of Tyler. “I couldn’t tell you, Tyler. By the time I realized that I wanted out, I was in too deep. I haven’t been able to tell anyone.”
“I’m not anyone, J,” Tyler said firmly, pulling Josh closer to him again. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea that anything like this was happening. I would have done something to help, Josh, I swear. You just seemed so happy-”
Josh shook his head, pulling away from Tyler to stand. “I have to go, Tyler. It’ll just be another fight if I don’t go home now when he asked me to. Especially since he knows I’m with you.”
“Josh, no,” Tyler exclaimed, jumping to his feet too. “Don’t do this,” he pleaded, reaching for the drummer’s arm.
Josh whirled around when he touched him, his gaze hard. “Did you mean that stuff?” he demanded, and Tyler shrunk back, his heart racing.
“Mean what?” he asked carefully, but Josh shook his head.
“You know what,” he said, and his voice was steel. Tyler took a shaky breath.
“Yes,” he whispered, lifting his eyes to meet Josh’s. “I meant all of it. I'm sorry, J. I know we said this wouldn't affect us, that we'd be okay with being friends again. But I can't do it anymore. I still love you, more than anything. And I know you don't love me anymore, and that's okay, but I just can't keep pretending that I'm fine with this.” He didn't even stop to breathe, couldn't let Josh speak to confirm his fears. “We can pretend I never said this. Nothing has to change. I just can't keep lying about it. I needed you to know, J. I just needed to tell you, I couldn't-”
“Tyler,” Josh interrupted, and Tyler’s mouth snapped closed, his face pale.
Josh stepped toward him, pulling him gently back onto the couch with a hand on his arm. “Why didn't you tell me this before, Ty?” he murmured, and his voice was soft, warm, and nothing Tyler had expected after his outburst.
“What was I supposed to say?” Tyler repeated, and Josh smiled a little, for just a second.
“I thought you wanted this too, Tyler,” he said softly, “I thought we decided this was best for everyone.”
“I didn't want to hold you back,” Tyler insisted, gripping Josh’s hand tightly.
“Tyler, you never held me back from anything. Never,” Josh promised, squeezing his hand back. “Tyler. You couldn't.”
“I don't know, Josh, you just seemed so sure that it was the right thing to do.”
“I wasn't sure of anything. I just didn't want us to crash and burn and take the band down with us, babe.”
“Babe?” Tyler asked, but a smile was slowly inching its way across his face. He quirked an eyebrow, and a light pink flush spread across Josh’s cheeks. He was the most beautiful thing Tyler had ever seen.
“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat. “We can talk about this more later? I really need to go, Ty.”
“I'm coming with you,” Tyler said immediately.
“Ty…” Josh started, hesitation evident.
“No,” Tyler said firmly, “I’m coming with you. You don’t have to deal with any of that, Josh. If you want out, I’ll help you get out. But even if you don’t, you don’t have to do any of it alone.”
Josh nodded, but Tyler felt his hand shaking a little.
“What do you want to do, J?” he asked, squeezing his hand lightly.
“I need to get away from him,” he said softly, and Tyler nodded.
“Okay. Then let’s go get your stuff.”
--
Tyler didn’t unclench his fists until they were both back in his car with Josh’s suitcase in the backseat. The confrontation hadn’t been as bad as he had expected, and he had only stood in the hall outside the apartment, waiting for Josh to return, but he ached to get his hands on the person who had made the drummer so unlike himself, the person Tyler had failed to catch on to.
He had heard yelling through the walls, had braced himself to burst through the door, but Josh had emerged only a few seconds later, shutting the door quickly behind him. His eyes were red, and his breathing was quick and shallow, but he held his bag in his hands as he walked quickly away from the apartment toward the stairs. Tyler hesitated for just a second, staring at the closed door, but then he turned on his heel and followed Josh to the car.
“You can just take me to whatever hotel,” Josh mumbled as he climbed into the car, “I’ll find a flight back to LA in the morning.”
“You’re joking, right?” Tyler asked, glancing at him as he backed out of the parking space. “You can stay with me, Josh.”
“Are you sure?” Josh asked carefully, and Tyler scoffed.
“Absolutely.”
--
An hour later, they were settled back on the couch, finishing the movie Josh’s phone call had interrupted previously. Tyler was aching to finish their conversation from earlier, but he didn’t want to push Josh when he seemed so on-edge, so restless. He settled for leaning against Josh’s shoulder as they watched the screen, silently wishing for more contact, more Josh, more everything.
Finally, the credits rolled, and Josh turned to fix his gaze on the side of Tyler’s face. “Tyler?” he murmured, cautious, careful.
Tyler turned, watched him silently with big, dark eyes.
“Do you really still love me?” His voice was soft, barely audible, and Tyler swallowed hard, his heart racing immediately. He briefly considered lying, to save his dignity when Josh had to tell him it would never work, but ultimately he knew he couldn’t lie to the person sitting in front of him.
“I never stopped,” he whispered, as honest as he had ever been.
Josh sucked in a shaky breath. “Ty…” he breathed. The movie flipped back to the menu screen, and the tv lit his face, making his dark eyes glitter and his pale skin glow. His hair was messy from resting his head on the couch, and the old tank top he was wearing was twisted a little, the collar pulled to one side sloppily. He was absolutely beautiful, ethereal, and Tyler loved him so, so much.
“I’m sorry, J. I’m sorry that I didn’t know what was happening with you and him. I’m sorry that I didn’t help you get out earlier. I’m sorry that I ever agreed with you when you asked if we should break up, because I don’t think we should have. Actually, I don’t think we ever should have. I know you don’t love me anymore, Josh. I promise that I’ll learn to live with that. But you have to know, I don’t think I’ll ever stop being in love with you. I can’t-”
“I do,” Josh interrupted, and Tyler’s head spun as he tried to catch up, his thoughts racing.
“You do what?” he asked finally, and then he noticed the flush on Josh’s cheeks again.
“I do still love you, Tyler.”
His stomach did a slow, torturous flip in his abdomen.
“You.. what?” he whispered finally, his eyes wide.
“Tyler,” Josh murmured, leaning closer to him on the couch, his eyes fixed on his lips, “can I please kiss you now?”
Tyler made a strangled sound in his throat, his heart hammering wildly in his chest.
“Ty?” Josh asked, straightening up a little and looking at Tyler with concern. Tyler didn’t let him ask again. He gripped Josh’s jaw with both hands and smashed their mouths together as fast as he could. Josh adjusted quickly, cupping Tyler’s face with one hand and gently moving him so their lips slid together more easily. Tyler slipped one hand around the back of Josh’s neck and tangled his fingers in his soft curls as he kissed him.
God, he had missed every second of this.
Tyler whimpered a little when Josh moved his other hand from the couch to Tyler’s waist, his mouth falling open, and Josh took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue into Tyler’s mouth. Tyler’s head spun. A whole year without this; how had he survived?
That was a good point.
“Josh, wait,” he said desperately, pulling back from their kiss. Josh kept his face close with the hand on his cheek, but he watched Tyler expectantly.
“Josh, I’m-” He stopped, tried again. “I know that I’m hard to deal with, okay? I know that. I know things weren’t perfect before, and I know that a lot of that was my fault-”
“Tyler, I love you,” Josh said simply, pressing another slow, sweet kiss to his lips. Tyler fought to maintain his composure.
“Josh, I’m difficult all the time. I don’t know if you even remember what it was like when we were together, but it’s always hard with me, and-”
“And I love you,” he said again. He sounded so certain. “Tyler, I don't think anything is hard with you. I’ve known you for a long time. I know exactly who you are. I fell in love with exactly who you are. And I have never stopped loving you for even a second.”
“J, are you sure about this?” Tyler asked anxiously, stopping him for a second with a hand on his arm. “Are you sure you want to try this again? What about the band, what about everything?”
“Tyler, I have never been more sure about anything. I let you go once, and I intend to never let that happen again.” His eyes were soft when he stared at Tyler. “Please, baby. Come back to me.”
Tyler bit his lip, blinking back the tears that welled up in his eyes. “Josh,” he whispered.
“Yes, Tyler?”
“Kiss me again.”
Josh obliged, leaning over Tyler until he was laying back against the arm of the couch, pressing kiss after kiss to his lips. Tyler sighed softly, pulling Josh’s body down closer to his.
“I missed you so much,” he whispered against Josh’s lips, and Josh just kissed him deeper.
Their kisses turned heated rather quickly. Tyler slid his hands under Josh’s shirt, feeling the hard planes of his abdomen under his fingers as Josh nipped at his bottom lip lightly before sliding his mouth down his jaw.
He sucked on a sensitive spot on Tyler’s throat, smiling against his skin when he whimpered softly. “You remembered that?” he whispered, and Josh nipped lightly at the spot again.
“I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to, Ty.”
Tyler shuddered as Josh slid his shirt up and off, immediately reattaching his lips to Tyler’s neck, kissing down to his collarbone. Tyler lost himself quickly in the feeling of Josh’s mouth on his skin, flooding his senses and overwhelming him.
“Tyler, Tyler,” Josh whispered against his skin, bringing Tyler out of the headspace he was quickly slipping into, “what do you want, baby?”
“You,” Tyler responded immediately, skimming his fingers gently up and down Josh’s back under his tank top. “Always you, Josh.”
He groaned softly, kissing Tyler hard on the mouth before leaning back to pull off his own shirt quickly. “You never lost me, not really,” he whispered against Tyler’s lips after he kissed him again, and Tyler gripped his shoulders tighter.
“Josh, please,” he whispered. Josh rolled his hips lightly down against Tyler’s, and Tyler threw his head back against the couch as the pleasure sparked through him.
“I've got you, baby,” Josh murmured, kissing him again. “I've got you.”
He continued rolling his hips against Tyler’s, steadily increasing the pressure. Tyler was groaning, panting, whispering Josh’s name into his neck as heat pooled in his abdomen. “Baby, baby, you’ve got to stop, I’m so close already,” he whimpered, still pressing kisses to Josh’s throat like he would never get to do it again.
“Kind of want you to be,” Josh murmured in response, rolling his hips again, albeit more gently this time. Tyler gasped, gripping his shoulders tightly.
“Joshie, baby, fuck, please fuck me, I need to feel you,” he whined.
“Are you sure, baby?” Josh murmured, kissing farther down his chest, thumb grazing over a nipple. “We can go slow, Ty, whatever you need.”
“Fuck that,” Tyler whispered, scratching his fingers lightly along Josh’s scalp through his hair, feeling him shiver. “It’s been a year, J, I need you. Please.”
“Tyler, fuck, I would do anything for you,” Josh breathed, kissing him deeply again. Tyler blushed scarlet, hiding his face behind his arm as Josh kissed back down his chest.
When he reached Tyler’s hips, he pushed his sweatpants down a little, nipping and sucking at one of his hipbones. Tyler whined, pressing his hips up into Josh’s mouth, and he sucked harder in response, pulling back to admire the mark he had left, a small smile on his face.
“Possessive, are we?” Tyler teased breathlessly, and Josh smiled fully up at him, his eyes dark.
“I want everyone to know that you’re mine again, Tyler,” he whispered, sucking another mark into the soft skin of his hips.
“God, Josh,” Tyler whimpered. “Please, mark me up, baby. Make me yours.”
“Tyler,” he groaned, leaning up to suck a mark into his neck, right in the middle, where there was no way he could hide it. He slid his hand between them, palming Tyler’s erection through his pants as he scattered more marks across his neck.
When he was satisfied with his work, he sat up, reached for Tyler’s sweatpants, and tugged them down along with his briefs.
“What do you want, baby?” he asked softly, pressing light kisses up the inside of Tyler’s thigh.
Tyler shivered. “Just do something, J, please,” he whined.
Josh pressed a soft kiss to his balls, ran his tongue lightly up his length. “Baby, I will do anything you want right now,” he whispered, sliding his tongue around the head of Tyler’s cock, watching him jerk. “Anything, Tyler. Just tell me what you need.”
He closed his lips around the head of Tyler’s cock, sucking lightly while he ran his tongue across the slit. Tyler swore loudly, straining to keep his hips flat against the couch. “Josh,” he moaned, and Josh took him farther in his mouth, starting to bob his head in a rhythm.
He sucked Tyler off for a few minutes, listening to the pretty whines and moans fall from his lips. “Josh, you’re so good at this, Jesus,” he whimpered, tangling his fingers in Josh’s curls. Josh swallowed around his cock once more, then popped off, smiling sweetly up at Tyler, taking in his flushed face and heaving chest.
“Baby, what do you want?” he whispered, petting his fingers along Tyler’s chest.
“Need your cock, J, please,” he breathed, his legs trembling. Josh pressed a kiss to the jumping muscles and stood up, sliding his arms under Tyler and lifting him. Tyler wrapped his legs around Josh’s waist automatically and allowed himself to be carried to his bedroom.
Josh laid Tyler back on his bed gently, tugging his own pants and briefs down before climbing on top of the bed. He reached blindly for the drawer in Tyler’s nightstand, smiling a little when his fingers closed around a bottle of lube. “Same place, huh?” he whispered, kissing Tyler’s hip softly.
Tyler smiled back, spreading his legs to let Josh crawl between them. “You remember where everything else is?” he teased, and Josh smirked at him.
“I guess we’ll see,” he murmured, slicking up his fingers and setting the bottle back on the nightstand.
“Are you ready, baby?” he whispered, touching Tyler’s knee gently with his clean hand, tracing small circles around his hole with one finger. Tyler nodded, sighing softly when Josh pressed his finger into him, slowly pumping it in and out. Tyler had almost forgotten how gentle he always was, and the love in every one of his movements was almost overwhelming to him now.
He slid another finger in, scissoring them carefully, but not curling them yet. He pumped them slowly at first, careful to stretch Tyler as much as he could before he really started fingering him in earnest.
“Faster, J,” Tyler requested, pushing down against Josh’s fingers with his hips.
“You want more, baby?” Josh teased, still sliding his fingers slowly straight in and out.
Tyler opened his mouth to respond, but Josh chose that second to curl his fingers, pressing directly against Tyler’s prostate on his first try, tearing a loud moan from Tyler’s throat.
“I guess I still remember where it is, huh,” Josh murmured, pressing his fingers faster against the same spot as Tyler moaned and writhed on the bed. He worked him up to three fingers, and Tyler was a wreck; he was barely coherent, broken moans and cries of Josh’s name falling from his lips like he couldn’t manage to hold anything back.
“Josh, baby, I’m ready,” he moaned finally, even as his hips still moved as he fucked himself hard on Josh’s fingers.
Josh pumped his fingers a few more times before he pulled them out, wiping them off on the bed beside him before grabbing the bottle of lube again. He opened the nightstand drawer, feeling around for a condom, but Tyler stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“Don’t use one,” he requested softly. Josh’s eyebrows shot up, his mouth falling open a little.
“Ty-”
“Josh, are you clean?”
“Well yeah, I just got tested again recently actually, and we were always safe. Were you?”
Tyler blushed a little, his eyes sliding to the bedspread next to Josh. “I never needed to be,” he whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I haven’t been with anybody since we broke up,” he muttered. Josh looked shocked.
“Ty… not at all?”
“Not at all,” he confirmed, managing to meet Josh’s eyes again. “Josh, there’s never been anybody else for me but you.”
A strange look flitted across Josh’s face, something akin to awe, and he crawled up the bed to press a slow, sweet kiss to Tyler’s lips. Tyler sighed, smiling up at him when he pulled away. “So if you’re sure that you’re good, then I don’t want you to use one,” he whispered. “I want to feel you, J. All of you.”
Josh closed his eyes for a second, and Tyler saw him shiver just a little. He pushed the drawer shut gently, grabbed the bottle of lube. Tyler swiped it from his hand, squirting some in his own palm instead of letting Josh put it in his own. “Let me,” he whispered, reaching to stroke his hand up and down Josh’s cock gently. Josh groaned, bucking his hips a little into Tyler’s hand. Tyler stroked him for a little longer than strictly necessary, until Josh was pulling his hand back with a gentle tug on his wrist.
“I’m going to come before I even get inside you if you keep that up,” he murmured. “How do you want me, baby?”
Tyler bit his lip, eyeing Josh carefully. “I want to see you,” he said finally, and Josh pushed him gently down to lay on his back.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
He lined himself up carefully, but hesitated before he pushed in. “Are you ready, baby?” he asked again, always double-checking.
Tyler hooked his ankles around Josh’s waist, urging him forward. “I’m always ready for you,” he whispered, and Josh bit his lip as he pushed in.
His eyes slipped shut, but Tyler held his open so he could watch Josh’s face as he pushed in slowly. “Baby, god, you’re so tight, I forgot how good you feel,” he groaned as he bottomed out. Tyler moaned in response, pushing his nails lightly into Josh’s shoulders. He could barely stand the feeling of Josh’s bare cock inside him, the way that it made him feel so much closer to the drummer, as if they were part of the same person. Josh paused for a few moments to let Tyler adjust, but it didn’t take long before Tyler was moving his hips beneath him, urging him to start.
Josh went slowly at first, careful not to hurt Tyler, but the singer was having none of it. He pushed Josh forward faster and faster with his ankles in his back, throwing his head back against the sheets as moans ripped from his throat. “Josh, feels so good,” he whimpered, gasping loudly when Josh shifted angles and pressed against his prostate. “Right there, J, oh god.”
Josh obeyed, thrusting harder against the same spot, and Tyler saw stars behind his closed eyelids. He felt the heat pooling deep in his abdomen as Josh continued to thrust into him, and his legs began to tremble as his orgasm quickly approached.
Josh was close too, Tyler could tell from his increasingly erratic thrusts and the steady stream of praise pouring from his lips. “Tyler, Tyler, god, you’re so perfect, you feel so good, baby, fuck, missed this so much.”
“Josh,” he whined, arching up beneath him, and Josh got the message, dropping one of his hands between them to jerk Tyler off in time with his thrusts. Tyler had almost forgotten how talented the drummer was at this, constantly controlling and alternating the rhythm until Tyler could barely stand it, just like he was playing a beat.
“Josh, I love you so much,” he whimpered, feeling himself just about to tip over the edge, pleasure numbing his mind as Josh played him like an instrument, just like he used to, like he had never stopped for even a day.
Josh thrust two, three more times before he was coming hard inside Tyler with a soft moan of his name. The feeling of Josh filling him up, of belonging, sent Tyler crashing over the edge as well. He came so hard that his vision went black around the edges, and he only vaguely registered Josh pulling out after a few minutes and leaving the bed.
His eyes fluttered open when Josh returned a few seconds later with a warm washcloth, cleaning his skin with so much care that Tyler felt tears spring to his eyes. When Josh finished, he dropped the cloth on the floor and climbed back into the bed, stopping when he saw the look on Tyler’s face.
“Ty?” he asked hesitantly, anxiously.
“Josh,” Tyler whispered back, his head heavy against the pillow but his dark eyes locked on Josh’s. “Do-. Do you really still love me?”
His voice was so small, and Josh felt his heart clench for just a moment. He carefully pulled Tyler against his chest, flipping the covers over both of them. “I love you more than anything, Tyler,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Tyler’s forehead. “That isn’t going to change, baby. It never has.”
Tyler let his eyes fall shut, smiling softly against Josh’s chest. He felt the warmth of his best friend, the love of his life next to him like the sun shining on him, and he hadn’t realized exactly how much he had missed that sunshine until he felt the full force of it warming his skin again.