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“No”, says Isak, “we can’t do that.”
Even shrugs and stays where he is, in the door frame, his clothes dripping on the carpet.
Isak feels a pang of guilt, and underneath it, something else that he chooses to ignore.
“I mean…”
“It’s OK, Isak.” Even smiles, and in spite of being a soaked mess, he somehow manages to look like a model on the runway, or some singer in a cheesy music video, only that this time Isak is all about the cheese.
Anyhow.
“Don’t worry”, Even continues, and this is so him. Generous, always, to the point of self harm. Isak can’t stand it.
“Don’t be dumb”, he growls, and walks to the door hastily, before Even can go away. He grabs him on the arm, and drags him to the bathroom.
“Take a shower, I’ll find some clean clothes, and then we’ll see what we can do.”
Even smiles again, but this time it’s a real smile, the one that makes his eyes crinkle, and Isak’s heart squeeze.
So Even disappears in the bathroom, not before Isak has made sure that the heating is on Max and that the boiler is working properly.
When the door closes behind him, Isak can’t help but stare at it for a couple of minutes. Even is taking off his clothes in the bathroom in this exact moment. He is almost naked. He is naked now.
OK.
Isak decides to go back to his room before he embarrasses himself by having to wear very baggy sweatpants, and once there he proceeds to look for a rational solution to a huge problem.
Huge.
…
…
…
Backtrack, backtrack. Now, about the problem™.
In Isak’s room there’s only one (1) bed. Eskild is having loud sex with one (1) or maybe five (5) men, by the noise. Lynn is buried in her room. The couch is broken. How Magnus managed to break a couch, it’s beyond Isak’s understanding, but here he is. He only has one (1) broken couch to offer Even, or his own bed.
No.
So he racks his brain to find an alternative. There’s the floor, but Isak knows Even. Even would never accept that Isak sleeps on the floor, he would insist to be the one waking up with aching bones. On the other hand, Isak can’t fathom letting Even sleep on the floor. It’s harder for him, because it’s not like he can actually tell Even. I mean, how could he? “Hey, Even, I care so much about you that the idea of you being uncomfortable on the floor would keep me awake all night”?
Ha.
“Hey Even, when I saw you tonight with your pink shirt and your glittery headband I immediately thought of a giant plushie, one that I would cuddle until the end of time, and there’s no way I’m letting somebody as soft and fluffy as you sleep on the floor”?
OMG.
Of course, there’s another way. Even has suggested it already. At least four times. But Isak has pretended not to hear, and so Even has grown more and more sad. Well, not actually sad, because Even is always careful not to be a downer, but he has started looking like a sad puppy to Isak, and Isak can’t have it. Even has to always look like a happy puppy, unless he is in an episode, in that case Isak can’t really change Even’s mood, he can only be there for him. But when it’s in Isak’s power to make Even happy, Even has to be happy. Full stop.
This is what friends are for.
Because Isak is Even’s friend. Pure. Selfless. Friendship. No hormones involved. Nada. Zero.
But it’s still impossible for Isak to sleep with Even. I mean. SLEEP WITH EVEN?
Isak’s brain, his rational, lucid, logical brain starts spinning and drooling at the same time. Seriously, it’s like he has taken the weirdest drugs and all of his rational and well ordered thoughts, all of his cynicism and dryness have been erased by a chant of Even fluff Even cuddle Even giraffe legs Even eyes Even mouth lips mouth Isak dick……..
OK. No. No.
Backtrack. Breathe in. Breathe out.
“What are you doing?”.
Even has entered the room without Isak noticing, like a fucking ninja. Isak mutters insults to himself, then realizes this is something only deranges people do, so he shuts his mouth and tries to turn around graciously, and answer to Even with sass, you know, because Isak is cool, Isak is calm, Isak is his friend, Isak….
“Sndknjendsjknewpl!”
Even is naked. Well, not naked. He is wearing a towel over his hips. But all the rest, all.the.rest, is naked. Even’s nipples, for example, are saying Hi! to Isak in an alarmingly sexy way. His right upper arm is so beautiful that Isak could write a thousand poems about it. His left bottom ab is so round and lovely that Isak could lick it for hours.
Oh god. Oh god.
“Isak, are you OK?”. Even is walking towards him. He is actually walking towards him and with every step the towel is opening. And showing things. Or maybe shadows. No, it’s definitely things.
“Isak, I’m worried!”. Even is in front of him, his brow furrowed, his eyes wide open, his mouth…
“I’m fine, I’m fine.”
“Go take a shower!”
“I’m not that wet.”
“Yes you are! And you look feverish.” Even raises a hand to Isak’s forehead, and yes, Isak can feel his temperature reach 100°. “Go, go take a shower. I’ll make the bed.”
Isak chokes.
“What?” he splutters.
“Isak, don’t be a child. We will share the bed, it will be alright. I promise I won’t snore, cross my heart”.
Well, Even’s heart happens to be a bit too close to Even’s nipple for Isak’s liking, so Isak desperately manages a “Whatever!” that he hopes sounds grumpy enough, and stumbles towards the bathroom.
He can feel Even’s eyes piercing his soul from behind.
Well.
He’s wearing those jeans that make his ass look quite good, so…
“I hate you!” Isak shouts, and slams the door.
When he’s back, the bed is made. Isak has never seen that duvet cover before, but he doesn’t ask. Eskild will never know about it.
Isak doesn’t ask also because he’s immediately distracted by Even himself, who is standing at the side of the bed, swinging on his heels, and beaming, and looking so much like a puppy that Isak can’t help himself.
“Good boy!” Isak says.
Even beams. He shines so bright that the actual sun must be crying from jealousy. Isak has to resist the urge to shield his eyes from so much light.
“Bed?” Even says, as if it were the most normal thing to say.
“You are naked”, Isak answers, mastering a strength he did know he had.
Even shrugs. Of course he does. Oblivious fool. Isak sighs and grabs the cleanest t-shirt from his drawer, and throws it to Even.
“It’s not a pajama”, Even whines.
“Can’t you sleep in a t-shirt and boxers?” Isak answers, ignoring the fondness he’s feeling in his chest. Puppy. Puppy. He wants to cuddle this puppy so bad.
“No”, Even pouts, “Not when YOU are wearing a pajama!”
Isak has actually stolen one of Eskild winter pajamas from Eskild’s drawer in the bathroom, to avoid going to his room wearing only a towel. This is something only Even can pull off looking like the protagonist of a rom-com. Isak would have looked like some dumbass in a low-tier comedy.
“Even”, Isak pleads, “can you pretend your t-shirt is a pajama?”
“No!”.
OK.
“OK. Turn around.”
“Why?”
Because there’s no way I can undress with you looking!!! OMG.
“Please!”
Even turns around, still pouting, but with a twinkle in his eye Isak decides to ignore. He takes off Eskild’s pajama as fast as he can, checks that Even isn’t looking, grabs a somehow clean t-shirt from the drawer, and sweatpants, because he can’t show Even his boxers right now, and coughs.
Even turns back immediately.
“Thank you”, he says, and then of course, of course, he strips off Isak’s t-shirt, excruciatingly slowly. Like, in slow motion. Isak is sure nobody has ever undressed this slowly.
“Can you hurry up?”
“Why?” Even looks at him with the most innocent eyes. Puppy.
“Because I’m tired of standing here, I want to go to bed.”
“Ok.” Even is bare chested now, but he does put on the pajama at normal human speed.
He looks like a dream.
Eskild pajama should be horrible, a blue cloud of velour with a light-blue unicorn in front, and sparkles everywhere. And yet.
On Even, it looks like something out of a Vogue photoshoot. It looks like something Isak would be desperate to buy.
With an Even included in the package.
The pajama is slightly too short for Even, and his giraffe ankles and giraffe neck seem even longer. The blue matches his eyes, and the unicorn, well, if anybody should have a unicorn as their spirit animal, that’s Even.
Isak is close to tears, he wants to cuddle Even so bad. And he feels some much like a loser for it. So he grunts instead, he grunts and growls and motions towards the bed.
“Come on.”
“I can’t wait!” Even looks enthusiastic. Isak feels himself losing it. His cheeks are suddenly bright red and burning, and his hair is bristling on his arms and neck. He is losing it.
So he shoves Even and jumps on the bed, then crawls as quickly as possible under the covers.
“First!” he says, and mentally face palms himself. Lame, the lamest.
But Even laughs, delighted, and crawls under the covers too, until he is breathing in Isak’s face.
Isak gulps.
“Turn the light off” he says. “Please.”
“Oh, sorry!” Even jumps out of the bed and goes for the switch. Isak tries to regain control, he tries to think about the periodic table, about the formula for nitroglycerin, about Magnus’ socks.
It doesn’t work.
It doesn’t work because, where Even was a second ago, there is the faintest smell. Even’s smell.
It doesn’t work because actual Even is back under the covers, back so close that Isak could touch him by lifting a finger, back everywhere.
It’s also dark. Isak would like to turn on the bedside lamp, but he can’t move.
Even shuffles his feet, and then he too stays still.
All is silent.
Outside, the rain is still pouring over the city, unrelenting. Isak thinks that he should have listened to Lynn, he shouldn’t have gone to the party. “With such rain”, she had said. And Isak had almost listened, he had almost stayed inside, on his bed, with a silly movie on.
But then Even had written him. “I’m at the party, but it’s boring without you *sad emoji*.”
Argh.
So Isak had put on his best jeans and his best t-shirt, the one that shows off his collarbones, because apparently Even has a thing for collarbones (according to Magnus who has overheard a conversation between Elias and Sonja), and he had gone to the party.
Once there, he had found Even in the kitchen, with a beer in his hand and a huge smile on his face.
“Isak! Oh, I’m so happy now!”.
Isak had purred, there and then.
Too bad that some asshole had started singing in the garden, so loud that the neighbors had called the police, and there was so much weed in the house to feed Bob Marley for a year, and so they had fled, because Even can’t deal with other notices on his record, but it was still raining like crazy, and Even couldn’t find his jacket.
“Why can’t you EVER find your things?” Isak had said, but Even had pouted, all sad, and Isak and sighed. “Ok!”, and he had carried Even on his bike to his flat, Even who had absolutely refused Isak’s own jacket.
So they had ended up at Isak’s place, Even soaked wet.
And now, here they are.
In Isak’s bed.
OMG.
It’s dark.
Even is close.
So close.
Isak’s heart is beating so loud, louder than the thunder outside.
He tries to stay still. He tries not to whine internally because Even hasn’t even said “Goodnight”.
I mean, if there’s anybody who always says goodnight it would be Even.
Needy, needy lame dumbass you are, Isak!
Then Isak feels something.
He feels something touching his hand, the one that’s fisting the pillow.
Even’s hand is touching his hand.
Even is touching his hand.
Even is touching him.
Even.
Even moves closer.
Isak’s hand is still in a fist.
Even loosens his grip on Isak’s hand.
Isak wants to cry.
Even moves closer, and instead of grabbing Isak’s hand, he touches his face.
He touches his cheek with two fingers.
Even is caressing his face.
Isak can’t take it anymore.
Isak moves under Even’s fingers.
Even’s breath hitches, and he comes closer.
Even’s feet are touching Isak’s. His knees are bumping into Isak’s. His nose is nuzzling Isak’s.
“Isak”, Even says. “Isak.”
Isak can’t speak, he can’t move.
Even moves closer. His forehead and Isak’s are touching now.
“Isak. If you want me to stop, say no.”
Five seconds of silence.
“Yes”, Isak says.
Even starts laughing. Even is laughing, trying to repress it, trying to stop it, until he can’t and he starts laughing out loud, and shaking.
Isak feels like the lamest dumbest gay boy ever.
Even is still laughing when he covers Isak’s lips with his.
Even is still laughing when he kisses Isak.
Isak starts laughing too.
It must be the lamest kiss ever.
When Even softly pushes his tongue inside, Isak’s laughter stops.
Even pulls away.
They are both still, and silent.
“Yes”, Isak says.
Even kisses him again.
****
Eskild’s blue pajama is Isak’s favorite piece of clothing ever, he thinks, the next morning, all enveloped in Even’s embrace, Even who has cuddled with him all night, all night, and he has kissed him, and cuddled, and Isak is so full of warmth he could survive winter at the poles with nothing on.
Even starts snoring lightly.
Isak opens his eyes, briefly.
Puppy, Isak thinks.
He shifts a little in Even’s embrace, and falls back to sleep.