Chapter Text
He was in love with her.
Shit. He'd been in love with Nora for months now. Not that he had the balls to say that to himself, let alone out loud to her. But deep down, he knew it. He'd known it for a long time.
Predictably, he tried his hardest to write it off as lust or the chems or a combination of the two. No, the truth was much worse. Sexual attraction; that was easy. He could do sexual attraction. It was the fact that it was more than attraction that made it fuckin' difficult.
She. Was. Beautiful.
The soft brown curls, the wide gray eyes, the freckles that dusted her cheeks and nose. He was unsure of where she managed to find the stuff, but every day she would sweep a pale red across her plump lips. Her ass was to die for. Christ, the first time she'd turned up at Goodneighbor in that vault suit he'd nearly lost his mind. And he'd always been a sucker for thighs. Hers of which had... developed quite well with her insistence on crouching and sneaking around everywhere. She turned heads everywhere she went.
He'd seen the way other people looked at her. Magnolia had practically propositioned her when she'd shown up at The Third Rail. MacCready longing after her with those puppy dog eyes of his. Cait shamelessly staring at her whenever she was around. Fucking Danse with his fucking hair and his fucking power armor, always looking at her like she was a goddamn angel. Which she was, but that wasn't the point. Even Preston, who Hancock begrudgingly had to admit was one of the most standup guys out there, would glance at her with something lingering closer to romance rather than friendship every once in a while.
That wasn't to say that her good looks were the only reason people stared. No. She was more than her attractiveness. The reason people longed for her instead of lusted after her was because she was deserving of their respect. She was tough, smart, compassionate. She was adamant that a lot of situations could be resolved without violence, and was almost always right. She could charm a Deathclaw with that raspy voice of hers and those kind eyes. But when push came to shove, she always stood behind her gun. On top of that, she had a sense of humor and was habitually ready to help those in need. Not ONCE had he ever seen her turn her back on someone who needed help.
And goddamnit if that didn't make her all the more beautiful.
Watching her now, alive and relaxed in the home she'd made at Sanctuary... he was more sure of it than anything in the world.
The party their ragtag group had decided to throw for her birthday rivaled anything he'd hosted at The Third Rail. She’d protested, of course, because they ‘couldn’t just waste resources or time on her, ya know’. But secretly, he knew how happy she was to see her friends all celebrating in one place.
Everyone had gotten sloshed, including Nora. Hot food and alcohol had been passed around a large campfire. Diamond City Radio had sang song after song through the speakers they’d set out. Her freckled cheeks had turned rosy from the bottle of wine Piper had gifted her. Her hand had hung loosely at her side, idly scratching at Dogmeat's ears as she laughed wholeheartedly at some story Deacon was telling her.
Hancock was smoking a cigarette when she had glanced his way. Her eyes had glittered like stars in the light of the hot fire, and a warm smile lit her face. His throat had tightened at her expression, at the smile she was giving him, but he had masked it with his false bravado and swaggered over to her.
He had then snuck a jet her way when no one else had been paying attention. Sliding into her personal space as close as he dared, he had slipped it into her hand and watched triumphantly as her eyes narrowed with mirth. When he'd brought a single finger up to his lips in the universal 'hush' symbol, his heart had practically burst out of his chest the way her gaze had followed it. A soft grin had graced her features then and she nodded, "It'll be our little secret."
And then she had winked. Slowly. And if he hadn't been in love with her already, he certainly was then.
The evening had eventually died down and Hancock had watched as Nora snuck out of her own party without anyone noticing. He'd have missed it himself if he wasn't constantly longing after her, glancing at her in hopes of getting her attention or receiving one of her smiles.
He found her on the roof a few houses down, looking up at the stars. A lit cigarette hung from her full lips and she took a lazy drag off of it as he climbed up to join her.
"Done already, sunshine?" he asked.
He was rewarded with a crooked grin. Of all the smiles she had, that one was his favorite. It spelled trouble, and usually meant there would be vague flirting involved. He yearned to bring it out of her every time they spoke. Hancock watched as she thumbed the jet inhaler out of her jacket pocket and glanced at him. "Oh, probably not yet," she replied, blowing smoke from her mouth amusedly.
Hancock felt his teeth flash in a wide smile. "Sounds like a good time," he said, pulling out an inhaler of his own. "When you're ready, I'm with you."
Nora's expression softened slightly at his words. He knew she didn't do chems often, hardly ever even, but when she did, he always made sure he was there. So she wasn't by herself.
"Thanks Hancock," she murmured, ashing her cigarette onto the broken roof.
He shrugged and grinned, attempting at nonchalant, "Never ride alone, sister." She smiled up at him with a genuine fondness and chuckled. It was fucking adorable.
He turned away from her open gaze, swallowing thickly. Normally all he could think about was being alone with her. It fueled his wildest thoughts late at night. But lately, when it was just the two of them? Christ, he'd never been more nervous in his life.
And he didn't know why either, it wasn't like she was fucking interested. Who in their right mind would want to be with someone like him? A ghoul. Especially a woman like Nora. She'd deserved someone as saintly as her.
Not like Danse, fuck that guy. But somebody like Preston, or MacCready, even? That'd be ideal. A man who could give her a family and the life she deserved, especially after the hell she'd been through.
She'd only ever spoken to him about her murdered husband once, back when they were still getting to know each other. They'd been stuck in a rad storm on their way to clear out some slavers. They holed themselves up in an abandoned building for the evening and began trading tales about each other. Eventually it came to stories about run-ins with the Institute, and then about finding her son, and then about her lost husband.
"Nate is- was- a good man," she said, staring out the window into the storm.
Hancock rolled a mentat onto his tongue nervously. It was the first time she'd ever mentioned him. He cleared his throat and her gaze found his.
She seemed suddenly... uncertain? Or embarrassed maybe that she'd slipped up about her old life?
"Tell me about him," Hancock said, despite the small twinge of jealousy he felt. She probably needed to talk to someone about it, and if he was being honest, he wanted to hear it. He needed to know. "If you want to, that is," he added, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.
There was a pause as he lit one and took a long drag, attempting to relax himself. He glanced back up to see Nora watching him, staring as if she was looking for something. Whatever it was though, she must have found it because she nodded and continued.
"He was... strong and protective. Military man and all that," she explained, waving her hand vaguely. Her mouth turned up slightly at the corners, "He was funny. Constantly teasing me, which was probably why I fell in love with him so quickly. Always had a thing for funny guys." Hancock chuckled at that, knowing from experience that she had a good sense of humor.
A full blown smile that made his chest tighten appeared then. "He'd always kind of... fuck with Codsworth. 'Cause it's not like Mister Handy's have great humor logistics, ya know? So Nate would always try to teach him how to tell jokes and it was...-"
Hancock glanced up when her voice trailed off softly.
Nora's smile became sad then and she shook her head. "Well, I guess you just had to be there. But he was a good guy. A good dad," she said wistfully. Her eyes glazed over a little bit, and his heart hurt at the pain she must have went through. When she spoke again... it wasn't really to him. Like she'd forgotten that she was speaking to Hancock at all.
"Finding Kellogg... it was- I thought that killing him would help. But this whole thing just keeps getting more complicated and I still miss Nate sometimes. I mean, to me it's only been a few months since he's been dead. It still hurts."
Hancock didn't say anything, but the expression on her face plainly said she still loved her husband. She wore both of their wedding bands on a necklace. He'd catch her worrying at them with her thumb whenever she was nervous or thinking really hard. Thinking about him.
Hancock didn't stand a chance.
Instead of tripping over his selfish tongue, he simply brought her in for a hug. Like a good friend should.
"Hey..."
Hancock stirred out of his reverie to find Nora's free hand placed in his. She cocked her head in concern and gave a small smile. "You alright?" she asked. "You looked really far away there for a bit."
He squeezed her fingers briefly and nodded. "Just thinkin', that's all," he replied, hoping she didn't notice how hoarse his voice had gone.
The end of her cigarette lit her features when she took a drag, the faint orange glow casting shadows across her face attractively. "Yeah? What about?" she inquired, giving a crooked grin.
Hancock made the astute observation that she hadn't moved to let go of him yet. And didn't appear to be going to do so anytime soon. In fact, he was painfully aware of the small circles she had begun to massage into his hand with her thumb.
Maybe she'd had more to drink than he thought? 'Cause there was no way she'd be doing this if she really was thinking clearly. Not because she had a thing against ghouls, she helped anyone who needed it and was always kind no matter if they were human, ghoul, synth. Fuck, even a mutant.
But if she was thinking clearly, she'd stop because it was him. John Hancock. Chem addict, failed brother, liar. A bystander who had let ghouls get murdered in the streets. A man with a rotting face and a cowardly past that haunted his nightmares.
She'd stop if she really thought about it.
But she didn't.
And for fuck's sake, he was selfish, but he wanted this one moment for himself. Just this one little piece.
So, he gave her hand a squeeze and grinned. "Just thinkin' about the good 'ole days."
Nora laughed, "And which days are those?"
"Ah, you know," he said with a grand flourish of his free hand and a teasing smile. "Back when we first met and we traveled through Boston and the rest of the Commonwealth. Kicking ass and taking names."
She scoffed and rolled her eyes slightly. "We practically came an inch away from death every single day. My expiration date lowered by years the second I met you." She took in a long drag, unimpressed. Something she'd picked up from Fahrenheit, no doubt.
"Hey, it was less paperwork. Now we're both practically Mayors who sit around and organize what goes on the back of a brahmin," he reminded her.
Smoke exited her mouth in a quick huffs as she chuckled, "That's true. I think we finally made it to the point where if someone kills us, it's no longer 'murder', but 'assassination'."
Hancock hummed. "Movin' up in the world."
"Indeed," she nodded. "Quite the accomplishment, I would say."
He glanced at her and caught a teasing grin and a wink. She squeezed his hand once more and began brushing her thumb across his knuckles.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. Nora smoked her cigarette and watched the stars. Hancock laced her fingers with his and watched her. Her expression was calm, serene even. He offhandedly had the thought that he hadn't seen her this relaxed in... well, maybe ever.
Hancock was so busy thinking and paying attention to Nora that he didn't even notice when Valentine strolled around the corner of the house below them.
"I think Dogmeat and I will take the watch tonight," he said, glancing up at them. "Everyone else has pretty much gone to bed now."
Hancock felt his hand jerk involuntarily, trying to pull away from her guiltily as if he was being caught stealing. But Nora didn't let go. She held on even tighter and gave Valentine a smile. "Thank you, Nick. I really appreciate that."
Her shepherd barked softly.
"You too, Dogmeat," she cooed, her smirk widening.
Hancock's chest squeezed tight as Valentine looked between the two of them, his glowing amber eyes watching raptly. However, he returned Nora's grin with one of his own, nodding and continuing, "Well, someone's gotta take care of the place while you guys clock out. You two should get some rest."
"We'll head that way in a bit. Thanks for taking the lookout tonight," she replied. Her hand had loosened slightly when she apparently decided Hancock wasn’t trying to pull away anymore, but that didn't make his chest feel any less tight. We will head that way in a bit?
"It's no problem," Valentine declared. Hancock watched as the detective eyed him knowingly. Hell. Of course he knew. He had probably known before Hancock did. But Valentine didn't say anything, or make any obvious gestures that gave it away. He simply tipped his battered hat at them both and said, "You two have a good rest of your evening. Try not to stay up too late."
Well, that wasn't suggestive at all.
"Thanks, Nick. Goodnight," Nora responded breezily.
Yeah. Thanks, Valentine.
The detective walked off, Dogmeat trotting happily behind him. Even after they had rounded the corner, Hancock kept his eyes trained on that spot. He was afraid to see what sort of expression was on Nora's face. She could see through him so easily sometimes.
Her hand still held his though, and she once again rubbed soft circles against his fingers with her thumb. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her finish her cigarette and stub out the butt of it against the roof. A silence descended upon them once more. Hancock could feel the evening winding down for the night. He could feel the disappointment already wrapping itself around his heart as he waited for her to let go and leave him up on that roof, never the wiser. And he’d go back to being cowardly and never confessing how he felt about her.
"You're doing it again," she interrupted softly.
His eyes met hers, "Doing what?"
"Thinking."
It took every ounce of control not to clear his throat. She'd know something was up then for sure. Instead, he put on what he hoped was his most convincing smirk. "It's just the mentats. Feeling all intellectual and whatnot," he lied.
Nora saw right through him anyways. She gave him a dry look, her eyes narrowing. "John."
That was all she said. And that was all it took.
Hancock sighed and dropped the act. "Sorry, sunshine. You don't deserve that."
She squeezed his hand. Already forgiven, then.
He swallowed thickly and continued, "I was just thinking of how lucky I am."
"Yeah?" she asked, curious. "Lucky how?"
"Just... having you in my life. You're a helluva friend to me." Another lie.
Nora hummed. "And that's what we are?" she questioned. "Friends?"
Hancock's eyes snapped to hers but he somehow held his cool. He looked at her face for any signs of mockery but she gave nothing away. Surely, she wasn’t suggesting…
His voice was hoarse and rough when he replied, "What do you mean?”
Her head cocked slightly and she turned her whole body towards him, her expression staying neutral. “I mean, I’ve caught you staring at my ass before and I think we could do something about it.”
Shit.
Wait. What?
Hancock was sure there were a million different things he could say in this situation. He could have said fuck yes and rutted her into the roof right there like he did in his late night fantasies, or he could have asked her to clarify and see what her intentions were, or he could confess his feelings for her, or literally he could do anything. But he didn’t say or do any of that stuff. He just went, “Uh…”
“Come on, Hancock,” she chuckled, “I’ve seen you look at me sometimes. And we could make this into a… friends with benefits kind of thing. It could be fun.” Nora’s smile was salacious and enticing then, and he couldn’t help the way his eyes shot down to it when her teeth played at her bottom lip. She leaned towards him, resting her free hand against his thigh, making him shiver.
This wasn’t happening. Surely he was dreaming.
“And,” she continued, still smiling, “if you don’t want that, we could just make it a one-time thing. No big deal. It could be like a birthday gift to me.”
Sex with him? As a birthday gift?
Things were turning on him so fast. First, he’d been wallowing in the fact that Nora could never possibly want him and now she was… propositioning him?
What the actual fuck.
His voice was stuck in his throat. He felt like he was drowning. “What if-…” he started, his voice coming out ragged. Hancock cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the disbelief sitting there. His tongue flicked out across his lips and he watched as steel gray eyes flashed and narrowed in on his ruined mouth. The intensity he saw there about made him choke.
“What if I… wanted it to be more?” he tried again, cursing himself. What the fuck was he doing? Christ, he was going to ruin the whole thing! Just kiss her already so your traitorous mouth doesn’t dig you deeper into your own grave!
Her smile widened and she leaned even closer. “More than one time?” she asked, half chuckling.
He should have said yes. His head screamed at him to just say yes. Her lips were practically on his, teasing at the very edges. Her warm breath smelled like tarberry wine and cigarettes and for fuck’s sake, he just wanted to get lost in it and never find his way back.
He should have said yes.
But he didn’t. Instead he said, “More than friends with benefits.”
Shit. Shit shit shit. SHIT.
Nora stopped. Her eyes went wide and her smile dropped completely. Whatever effects the alcohol had previously had on her were gone, replaced by a stone cold soberness that Hancock wanted to shrink away from. She leaned back, searching his face. Both of her hands left him, and a dark pit sank into Hancock’s stomach.
“Hancock…” she said softly, her eyes beginning to water.
Oh fuck. He’d really done it, hadn’t he.
“I didn’t… uhm- I shouldn’t have-…” Hancock mumbled. He shook his head, his mind racing.
She blinked.
He tried to think of something to say, some way to get himself out of what his treacherous mouth had just given away. But nothing came to mind and he just sat there, jaws agape like a fish out of water.
But it didn’t matter anyways. Because the next thing he noticed was her hand, the hand that had just held his, the one that had rubbed circles into his fingers and clutched at his even when someone was watching, was worrying at the necklace she wore.
The necklace with the wedding bands belonging to her and her dead husband Nate.
Hancock let out a hard breath and looked away.
She was still in love with her husband and he’d just been a greedy fucking jackass. He’d undoubtedly just ruined her birthday. He’d most certainly just ruined any chance he’d had of having those lips on his or anything she’d been offering to him. But more importantly, he’d probably just ruined his relationship with his best friend.
The realization made his heart hollow with pain.
There was a moment of silence before Nora simply stood. Clutching at her rings, she stepped away from him and headed towards the stairs leading off the roof. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled thickly, her voice catching.
She left him up there. With empty hands, two unused jet inhalers, and a heart that had shattered into a million pieces.
“Yeah,” he said quietly once she was out of earshot. “Me too.”
…
Hancock made it three days.
Three days of watching Nora actively avoid him. Watching as she spoke with all of their friends and the other settlers as if nothing had happened, but then making sure she never met his gaze. Making sure she was never in the same room as him. And if she was, he could see her shoulders tense. Could see the way she searched franticly for an exit.
He didn’t try to talk to her. He didn’t try anything. He just watched and let his heart break over and over and over as she pretended he wasn’t even there.
On the third evening, he decided maybe he could reconcile things. Say that he hadn’t meant it or that it’d just been the drugs. That he still wanted her friendship. They wouldn’t have to bring up the other night ever again. Everything could just go back to normal. Surely, she’d at least be okay with that?
After dinner, he tried looking for her. The sun was beginning to set and it was getting dark out so maybe that contributed to it, but for some reason he couldn’t find her anywhere.
Hancock finally found Preston sitting at the edge of the perimeter, staring up the hill not too far off.
“Hey,” Hancock started, “have you seen Nora?”
Preston held his gaze steady but his voice was anything but. “She… went up the hill.”
He must have looked confused because the Minuteman continued, “The Vault. It’s-… he’s still… down there. In one of the cryo chambers.”
Hancock felt like he just had the breath punched out of him. His chest clenched painfully. “Oh,” he replied.
Oh.
He had started to walk away when Preston spoke again, concern lacing his words. “Do you… want me to tell her you were looking for her? When she comes back down?”
“No,” he replied quickly. “No, it wasn’t important. Thanks anyways, Garvey.”
The Minuteman nodded, “Yeah. Sure thing.”
Hancock decided to go get high out of his mind.