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Michael, or Mike, as he tells Sidney to call him, only gets in one question about hockey during their first meeting. They meet for lunch at a restaurant near the arena on an off day two days after Thanksgiving. Sidney has just come from practice freshly showered and wearing extremely casual clothes. It occurs to him as he sits down across from Mike in a fairly empty palce that maybe he should of wore something nicer.
But, Mike doesn’t seem to care because he smiles when he sees Sidney and it sticks throughout the duration of their lunch. Sidney’s glad, though, because it’s a great smile.
So, Mike gets in one question about how Sidney feels about the press because in the follow up to his response he tells Sidney his dad is a journalist who always regretted not going into sports reporting. Because Mike’s dad was a writer for the AP and he spent a lot of his time out in the field. And when he says in the field, he means quite literally in a field of battle. Mike’s dad, it turns out, spent two weeks in the trenches of Vietnam during the war with US Army Infantry soldiers. And so, the rest of their “meeting” turns into Sidney asking Mike questions about his dad, his stories, the insider perspective of the military. Because, Sidney learns a little further in their conversation, that Mike’s brother is a doctor in the U.S. Military and he spent a little bit of time in Afghanistan. So by the end of their conversation, two hours in, Sidney is in awe of Mike’s life and he’s the one who brings up when they are going to meet again.
“I guess we didn’t talk about what we came here for, eh?” Sidney says as they walk out of the restaurant.
“That’s alright,” Mike tells him, smile still on his face, “I enjoyed myself.”
“We should meet again, talk about those questions,” Sid says, reaching out to tap Mike on the shoulder.
“Would love to. I’m going home this weekend to see my family for the last couple nights of Hanukkah, but will be back in Pittsburgh by next week.”
“I’ll call you, yea?” Sidney says to him holding a hand out for Mike to shake. “I’ve got a small road trip coming up, but will be back next week, too.”
Their hands stay clasped together for a few seconds longer than socially acceptable. “See you soon, Sidney.”
“I look forward to it, Mike.”
_____
He goes home thinking Mike is the most interesting person he has ever met. Every new thing he said about himself added another layer of fascination. Like, Sidney just plays professional hockey. That’s all he’s ever done. He’s boring, extremely boring. And, he needs to hang out with Mike because then maybe he might be less boring. He should have been the one asking Mike if he will take a meeting with him.
He buys Mike’s novel off Amazon when he gets back to his place. He gets express shipping so it will make it before they leave to go to Phoenix on Monday. He’s anxious that it won’t come in time, but it’s waiting for him when he gets back from lunch on Sunday and he breathes a sigh of relief.
He waits until he gets on the plane to start reading. It’s the fastest a flight has ever gone by, and Sidney takes hundreds of flights every year. He reads some more before his pre game nap, and reluctantly puts it down when 2:00 comes around.
It’s just, this book is great. And, not even because Sidney is already fascinated by Mike, the man.
It’s the story of a guy named David. It begins when he’s 18, freshly graduated from High School, and completely lost because he doesn’t want to go to college like the rest of his peers. And he spends the next 4 years in a period of trying to be a lot of things he wasn’t. Trying to work in a warehouse, trying to be part of a fight club, trying to be straight, trying to go to community college, trying to sell car parts over the phone. Until finally at 22, David walks into an Army recruiters office and tells them he wants to join because he’s sick of being lost. And, it’s the first time David’s made a decision, a good decision no matter what his family has to say about it, and all of a sudden he’s a different guy.
And it turns out in order to join the Army he does have to be a different guy because they tell him he has to lose 60 pounds before they will let him join up, so David does. David, the kid who went to a Community College class for 3 weeks before giving up, loses 60 pounds. He takes the exam and lucks into getting into the Army nursing program. He’s got a life, a future, he’s not lost anymore and in 48 hours he’s going to board a bus for Oklahoma.
Sidney feels so happy for David. So glad he found something he could be a part of because you know, you see, that David is such a sympathetic character. He’s the one you root for, the one you want to get the girl (the guy, who doesn’t come into the picture until later on), the simple hero, the unassuming role model.
Then, 24 hours before he’s set to get a ride from his dad to the recruiters office, this girl, the only girl he ever kind of successfully had sex with, shows up at his doorstep with a 4 year old child in tow.
And this, this is where Sid had to stop reading. Because it was 2:00 and he has to take his nap, but mostly because it hits him just as hard as it presumably hits David (he doesn’t let himself read the reaction).
His mind is a mess of thoughts, of Mike and David. But, his body’s clock soon takes over and he falls asleep with a lot of anticipation and a total sense of hope.
_____
He finishes the book halfway through a flight to Denver. He puts the book down and takes a deep breath. Marc looks over at him, Sid can see out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t react. Because, Sidney’s not sure what to feel.
Michael’s book said so much about finding oneself, about becoming an adult and taking responsibility. It’s about fatherhood. It’s about falling in love. It’s about being a soldier. It’s about finding what’s important, about what your purpose is, and it’s done so well. Sidney has to write a few of his favorite lines down in his travelling notebook. He repeats them in his head over and over until they are imprinted there, somewhere between the look on Michael’s face when he talked about his dad and the feel of his lingering handshake.
He wants to call Mike and gush. Tell him how much he liked his book, how he can’t wait to read it again, how it has just as many layers as it’s author. But, he thinks maybe he shouldn’t. He’s only had one meal with the guy, he doesn’t want to freak him out. And, he wasn’t planning on calling him until he got back to Pittsburgh. Mike’s probably still celebrating Hanukkah. Sidney doesn’t even know what that means.
He decides to text him instead, he has to say something.
‘I just finished reading your book and, wow, so good, Mike. Amazing.’
A few hours later, when he’s all checked into the hotel in Denver he gets a response.
‘I’m glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot!’
Sidney smiles at the screen, thinking of a response.
‘It hit close to home in a lot of ways, very insightful, you’re an incredible writer. David might be one of my new favorite characters.’
‘It is very surreal to hear someone like you talk so highly about my book. You’re making my life right now.’
‘I am the one in awe of you, Mike. No joke. What I do pales in comparison to what you do.’
He thinks he is maybe showing his hand with these texts he sends, but he can’t help it. For some reason, he doesn’t feel embarrassed saying such bold things to Mike. He’s a little scared about it, about the reaction he’ll get and if Mike will think he’s a weirdo, but not embarrassed.
‘Not true, Sidney, but thank you. When are you back in Pitt?’
‘Wed. You?’
‘Tuesday. Want to meet for coffee when you’re back? Not a business meeting.’
Sid’s stomach flips a little. ‘Yes. I will call you when I get in. I should be able to meet on Wed.’
‘I look forward to it.’
Sidney wishes he could fast forward to Wednesday. Past their game against the Avalanche, even though it will be good to see Matt, and to the moment where he is back in Pittsburgh. He needs to start planning how he is going to pluck up the courage to ask Mike on a legitimate date. Because, he has a feeling, one which grows stronger and stronger with each new thing he learns about Michael Wilitsky.
_____
They meet for coffee at this non-chain place Mike knows about. Apparently it’s near his apartment. He must be a frequent visitor because all the baristas know his name and his order.
“You won, right? In Denver?” Mike says to him as they sit down at a table near the fireplace.
“Yes, we did,” Sid tells him. He scored a goal, two assists, but those seems kind of irrelevant when he is talking to Mike.
“I watched,” Mike says with a huge smile on his face.
“Yea?” Sid says returning the smile.
“Yea, I mean, I like watching hockey, anyways, but it was fun to watch with a little more added interest.”
Sidney’s not sure what to say to respond, so he smiles curling his nose up a little bit. “How was visiting your family?”
“Good. It was nice, my brother and his wife made it down for dinner one night. It was good to see them.”
“You’re from New York, right?” Sid remembers Mike telling him that, telling him about going to work with his dad in the middle of New York City.
“Yea, my parents have recently moved to Jersey, though.”
They chat about their families a little more because Mike asks him about his, about how often he sees them, how many games they come to, how close he is with his sister. It’s nice to tell Mike a little about his personal life. It allows him to feel comfortable enough to start the next topic he wants to bring up.
After a lull, he takes a deep breath and says, “Can I ask you something? About your book?”
“Of course,” Mike says taking the last sips of his coffee.
“What inspired you to make David an accidental dad?”
Mike gently laughs, takes a deep breath. “I have a stock answer for this question, but I am going to give you the real one.”
“Okay,” Sidney says, a little deflated that his question seems to be a common one (he knows what it is like to get asked the same question over and over again), but excited to hear Mike’s real answer.
“When I first realized that I was gay, back when I was like 14,15, I didn’t worry about what the bullies at school would say, or how my parents would react, or the stigmas I might have to face as I grew up, I was most upset that I was never going to be a dad. That that is something I would never be able to do naturally with the person I love,” he takes another deep breath and Sidney watches his shoulders move up and down with intense precision. “And, so, I wanted to explore that. I mean, I am obviously very different from David, his story and his decisions are so much different than the ones I would make, so I could kind of lived vicariously through his decisions, his surprise entrance into fatherhood.”
Sidney can’t help but feel a fuzziness gather inside his head, his hands, his stomach. “Wow,” he finally manages to say. “I realize now why I connect so much with this story. I have the same exact fear, have had it since I made my realization when I was a teenager. But, I buried mine under hockey, you made yours something beautiful.”
“I think a lot of people would say you’ve made yours beautiful, as well, Sid,” Mike tells him, gently patting his leg underneath the table.
He looks down at his hands, slight smile on his face. He hopes it doesn’t give away how overwhelmed he’s feeling. Because this fear, the one they just addressed, is something Sidney has tempered down so far inside himself, he hasn’t thought about it in years. Because he refuses to make it part of his consciousness until he read Mike’s book. He finally looks back up and says, “So how do you feel about it now?”
“Fatherhood?” Mike says raising his eyebrows, “I have a new perspective on it after writing the book, and talking about it over and over for so long. Now, I don’t see being a father as something that I can or cannot do. I see being a father as something I should want to do, with someone I love, someone who I want to start a family with, and if that is something we want to do together, than we’ll figure it out.”
“So you don’t fear never having kids?” Sid asks him, eager for his answer.
“No, you know. There are so many ways you can impact a persons life, a child’s if you want to. And, if I ever have children it will be because me and my husband want to share our love and decide to do it together.”
“So you don’t have this natural urge to create a life, have something that it is a part of you to carry on.” Sidney has never had a conversation like this with anyone before. He thinks maybe he shouldn’t be having this conversation with Mike, so early in their knowing each other. But, then that would mean Sidney has other interests here, and what if Mike doesn’t?
“Yea, I mean, at some level, yes. That is where the book came from. But, as an adult, a gay man living in today’s world, I am trying to make the most informed decision. And, what I keep coming back to when I think about it is that I want someone to share my life with and once I find that, we’ll figure it out.”
Sid nods his head, cocks it to the side a little to get a new view of the man sitting across from him. How did this guy he met in line at the grocery store two weeks ago suddenly become the guy he’s had the most intimate conversation with in a long time? Maybe it’s the nature of discussing literature, he thinks. Especially with an actual author.
Sid eventually kicks Mike under the table, “Want to go on a tour of Consol with me?”
“Right now?” Mike says gently pushing his foot against Sidney’s.
“Yea, it’s probably pretty empty and I haven’t been that much of a help yet with your book,” he says, hoping Mike will accept.
“I’d love to,” Mike says with a huge smile on his face. He stands up and pulls his coat off the back of the chair. Sidney grabs their empty cups and throws them away. “You lead the way.”
_____
The arena is fairly empty. A few of the people who always seem to be there are milling around, but other than that he and Mike essentially have the place to themselves. Sidney takes the tour slow, letting Mike take in each space for as long as he wants before they move on, answering his questions the best he can. And by the time it’s said and done they’ve spent two hours roaming around Sidney’s place of work, laughing and sharing stories, bumping shoulders and swapping smiles.
When they get into the exit area, a vestibule between two doors, Sidney stops Mike by placing a hand on his shoulder. “This has been a lot of fun,” he says a little sheepishly.
“I have enjoyed myself a lot,” Mike tells him leaning up against the concrete wall of the foyer.
“We should do this again sometime, maybe dinner?” Sid says hoping Mike understands what he is trying to say.
Mike pushes off the wall and comes closer to Sidney. “Yea, I would like that.” He continues inching closer. “Could I?” he says putting a hand on the side of Sidney’s face. “I mean, I know that this isn’t a date, yet, and we just met, but, I just, this was just such a great day and,”
Sidney is enjoying watching Mike ramble, especially with his thumb ever so lightly brushing his cheek, but he can’t help it anymore and he pushes their lips together.
They kiss there in probably the least sexiest place in the entire Consol Energy Center. But it doesn’t matter because it’s so good. Better than anything he has experienced before. And when they break away, he says, “Yes.”
It makes Mike laugh, so Sidney joins him.