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The heart monitor blipped steadily, showing that there was still life beating through the pale, bruised and rib broken chest. Not that the rest of him looked any better. His arms were littered with healing cuts and scrapes from his wrecked ship, his right leg was slung up in a large cast from being crushed under scrap metal. A large gash covered his hollow cheeks, both eyes darkly bruised from the impact as he crashed back down in front of the station. A large oxygen mask covered his mouth and nose, filtering purified air into his lungs to keep him from breathing in any toxic particles and to help his body recover faster.
Mondo shuffled into the room, slowly heading towards the chair. He was exhausted, but sleep had been eluding him since Ishimaru had tumbled back into their lives, literally. When he had left to go on the horrifying mission, his peers could only stare in bewilderment and sadness as he smiled and explained why he had agreed to take on the suicide trip at all.
“Because I realize now that, out of all of us, I am the least likely to be missed.” His smile had been forced, the sadness and hurt clear in his eyes, and he marched off to go pack with his shoulders held high, tighter than usual, his pace brisk. No one could say anything. What could they say? They knew that they were the reason he was leaving in the first place. Once he was flying away, the group had either prayed for him to be safe, or that he would have a quick, painless death.
No one had expected him to come back.
No one had expected him to survive.
Yet here he was, laying in the hospital bed, after two weeks of being in critical condition, he’s stable enough for visitors. The downside is that he’s been in a coma since he arrived. That didn’t stop everyone from visiting and giving encouraging talks to him in his sleep. Chihiro and Makoto especially, as they had been the “closest” to Ishimaru before the whole fiasco. Makoto would sit and tell him how the days have been going, giving him updates on the news and the battles they’ve been facing, while Chihiro would tell him more about how everyone was faring, how he couldn’t wait for Ishimaru to see all of his hard work actually paying off as Team 78 had began to implement a routine based around Ishimaru’s original regimens for them all.
Mondo stared down at Ishimaru’s resting face for the second time that day. He had come in earlier, during proper visiting hours with Chihiro after the smaller boy had begged him to. Mondo had watched as Chihiro would talk about everything and anything.
“What’s the point if he can’t even respond to what yer sayin’?” Chihiro had shook his head before responding.
“It’s the fact that he can hear me, and know that someone is there with him. Even if it’s a small chance, I want to let him know that someone is there for him, really there for him, no matter what. To prove that he isn’t unwanted...like he originally thought…” Chihiro trailed off, his glance downwards in guilt.
His words had hit Mondo hard, the guilt causing him to toss and turn even more than usual. Which is why he was here, wearing only a tank top and a loose pair of sleep pants, hair a mess and running on fumes. Mondo couldn’t fight back his own guilt, knowing that he was one of, if not the main cause of Ishimaru’s self-deprecation.
If Makoto and Chihiro could talk to him, who says he couldn’t?
“Yo. You awake?”
Mondo leaned against the wall, a half hearted chuckled escaping him.
“‘Course ya aren’t. Why would ya be? Yer probably too drugged up to even hear me.” His words were slurred, and Mondo coughed and shook his head. He was beginning to feel like an idiot, doing this, and he should probably leave, but the guilt kept him from doing so.
“They all missed you, ya know? You shoulda seen Chi and Aoi, they were so worried about ya sorry ass. Chi ‘specially. It was hard dealing with you being gone. Me and Kuwata got the scoldin’ of a lifetime for it. Hell, Kuwata even managed to get the cold shoulder. I did too, but I…” Mondo paused in his ramble, looking down to the floor. He rubs at his arm, and takes in a shaky breath before continuing.
“I...got kinda pissed off. At the girls, Kuwata...you...but mostly at myself.” Mondo swallows back the lump in his throat. “I was pissed that you left, how you said you were the ‘least likely to be missed.’ Excuse you, but who the fuck are you to say that? You don’t know what everyone else was thinkin’, ya can’t just say that cause ya don’t know if it’s true! Weren’t you the one who’d always tell us to get our facts straight before doin’ shit?!” Mondo slams his fist back against the wall besides him. He tilts his head back and blows out his frustrations. He takes a few moments to calm himself before he continues his one-sided ‘conversation’.
“I admit that, yeah, I didn’t exactly like ya, hell ya pissed me off on a daily basis it was pretty hard to like ya with how often we’d butt heads! I was kinda glad you left.” Mondo opens his eyes and looks back down towards the unconscious Ishimaru. “I was glad...but then, I realized that I wasn’t glad. I wasn’t sure when it happened but, I realized I...missed it.” Mondo pushed himself away from the wall and went to sit in the chair.
“I missed the feeling of having someone to butt heads with, someone who didn’t cower back like most of the others here. I missed your alarm going off at 6:30 every goddamn morning, the way you’d shout at me to get up and get ready. I tried to fix that by bringing your alarm clock back, but something happened and it won’t turn on. I missed hearing you tell everyone was worth it, doing their best, giving them encouragement. Even when ya gave it to me when I didn’t want it.” Mondo gripped at the armrests, the pleather on the verge of ripping in his grip.
“I hated the fact that I missed it, that I missed the routine you put me through, cause I learned that I fucking needed it, that I needed the structure, needed someone who cared about my stupid ass. I haven’t felt that in a long ass time, haven’t felt that since…”
Mondo took slow, shaky breaths, his heart pounding. He blinked hard as he fought back the tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes.
“I took you for granted. I took everything for granted. I thought I was alright, that I was strong enough to handle myself, to take care of myself, but...you… you brought back that sense of security, of structure that I haven’t had in years. And I fucking ruined it. I forgot what it was like, having someone actually give a damn about what I did, about the backlash my actions would bring, not because of the damage I’d cause, but for the damage it would cause me. I forgot, and when I had gotten a second chance, I hadn’t fucking realized it, and I destroyed it.” Mondo was shaking, and no matter how hard he tried to stop, he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop the shaking, the tears, the hurt. He bottled up the pain for years, never talked about it with anyone, and now that he popped the cork, it’s all spilling out.
He grabs Ishimaru’s hand and grips it, and he remembers the last words Ishimaru had said to him before he left.
“Oowada-kun. I apologize for not being able to get along with you. I understand now why you wouldn’t like me but-” Ishimaru paused, considering his words, “but I wish we could have been closer. You were someone who I hoped that I could bond with, because I can see the true strength that I wish I could have, and I…” Ishimaru stoped himself, looked down, then snapped his head up, looked Mondo straight in the eyes and gave him a remorseful smile. “I hope that when you go off to do great things, that maybe you’ll remember something that I tried to teach you.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel like shit, I’m sorry I didn’t get to try and patch things up. I’m sorry that I was reckless, for making you go and put your life on the line, for making you wind up here.” Mondo presses his face into the stretcher’s mattress, his grip tightening. He looks up with bleary eyes, and sees not just Ishimaru, but him, and Mondo feels his heart tighten up even further.
“Please, please wake up. Wake up. Even if it ain’t for me, wake up for them. Don’t let this be the end. Don’t let this end here, don’t end up like Daiya. Please Kiyotaka.” Mondo buries his face back into the stretcher, and cries his heart out, gripping Kiyotaka’s hand like a lifeline. He cries until he can’t anymore, and falls into a dreamless slumber.