Work Text:
Brian had considered fucking Justin the other night when his ex had so obviously been looking for one. He was even amused by the lack of subtlety, but knew that contrary to what he might say at the time, he couldn’t just fuck the kid once. If he had him again, he’d want him for good. So if Justin was merely bored, or at loose ends after his breakup with the fiddler, then Brian wanted nothing to do with him – not like that.
However, the flirting, the renewed stalking and the outburst of this afternoon, had Brian wondering if maybe Justin was more than just bored or lonely...maybe he really wanted him back. Of course maybe Brian had just fucked that up pretty well too. He didn’t know what he’d expected to come from his taunt to the kid; he only knew that he was tired of Justin walking away.
He remained both dazed and motionless for several minutes after Justin’s abrupt departure. His lips still burning from the too brief contact, Brian finally ran a hand over them as though he could wipe the remaining desire he felt from his body. Well, he’d told the boy to get some balls... and that kiss was a challenge if ever he felt one. It demonstrated Brian’s weakness and demanded that he finally admit the truth… something he had been unable to do so far.
Why was that, exactly... Pride? Fear? Ego? All of them he supposed… but it seemed less and less likely that they would be consolation enough. Certainly none of them would be sucking his cock, inviting him into the warmth of their body, or holding him in the security of their embrace and laughing quietly with him in the dark. They wouldn’t curl up to sleep with him after hours of making love, and none of them could smile at him and make him feel like he was already the man he wanted to be; that he was worthwhile… special… loved.
He could admit it to himself at least… surely that was a start? He missed feeling loved, both physically and emotionally by Justin and wondered if he could be so loved still. Maybe it was getting to be time that he found out. And as soon as he could figure out a way to do so without humiliating himself… he’d get right on that.
~
Justin doubted it was what Brian meant to suggest, but he had wanted to taste the man so badly that he didn’t analyze the comment too closely. After all, what did he have to lose? He wasn’t so foolish as to abandon all clarity however, so when he felt the man really begin to respond, and thus betray the facade of indifference, Justin pulled away from the kiss.
Afterwards, he defiantly looked his ex in the eye and dared him to pull the nonchalant mask back up as fast as it had come down. He gave the barest smirk when Brian couldn’t do it, and then walked out of the room before either of them could say or do something they’d regret, leaving a bewildered Brian just standing there.
As he headed home and let it all sink in, Justin realized that of course Brian’s irritation over the client meeting had been but a fraction of the man’s issue with him. Though Justin had been only baiting Brian with his earlier speech about their former relationship being a problem… he could see that obviously it still was. That Brian cared for him, he knew; it was evident in so many things he did. But it was what he said… or rather didn’t say that was the problem.
Justin wasn’t sure precisely when he had begun to need the words so badly, but he had. So when he finally did hear them and they came from someone else, he went where he thought the best proof of devotion lay... and mistakenly assumed that was in Ethan’s bed. He may well have kept trying to motivate some semblance of love for the other man too, had it not turned out that neither proof of devotion nor Justin were the only ones to be found in Ethan’s bed. Not when the musician was on tour, anyway.
Embarrassment and relief each sought dominance in the aftermath of Justin having now left his second boyfriend. Embarrassment for the ten kinds of stupid he felt over, as Brian so aptly put it, falling for Ethan’s bullshit in the first place, and relief because the relationship hadn’t really been working from the start.
Justin had waited quite patiently for it to improve though; had chalked every ill feeling up to the newness of the situation, and the remaining shock of his absence from Brian’s life. That his displacement was self-imposed remained of small comfort to him.
He belonged with Brian - he felt sure of that. And while Justin had learned in his time away from the man that he could function quite adequately without him… he didn’t want to. He didn’t think Brian wanted that either... he just didn’t know how he was going to find out for certain.
Well, for now he’d go home to his room at Daphne’s and think about it. Maybe do a little chain smoking… eat a little yogurt, and then when Daphne got home, run it all by her and see if she had any other bright ideas.
~~~
Brian had known that working late was bound to pay off eventually; he just didn’t think this was how it would happen. He couldn’t say he’d been especially shocked to see the intern he’d fired yesterday now standing at his door; had even been a little suspicious when Cynthia left without warning, but emailed him a reminder that he had a 7o’clock meeting and neglected to say with whom. Obviously she’d been conspiring with ... well not the enemy, but he didn’t know what Justin was to him these days. Or what he wanted to be.
The young man’s use of Brian’s formal title would seem to indicate that he was here in a business capacity and even before he spoke, Brian knew he’d give him his job back. The kid had done good work while here and was an asset to the department. Frankly, he hadn’t been looking forward to explaining the firing to Gardner, so having Justin ask to come back was one less thing Brian had to worry about.
It became obvious immediately that intern wasn’t the only position Justin wanted to reclaim and Brian was so relieved he didn’t even bother to give him a hard time about it. He simply played along and agreed very quickly, except for his one stipulation, of course - about which he was only partially kidding. If he didn’t hear any violin music for awhile that would be just fine by him.
The kid had claimed to understand what Brian wanted from him and what Brian wanted right now was to kiss him and it looked as though he’d get to do just that as the young man closed the door and walked slowly toward him. When Justin’s lips finally met his in a kiss that was months overdue, Brian couldn’t seem to stem the tide of happiness that washed over him, nor did he want to. His heart beat a little faster... he found himself gasping slightly between kisses, as though the very idea of being with Justin again left him breathless.
He dimly remembered what else Justin had said; that in addition to knowing what Brian wanted he also knew what to expect from the older man. As Brian devoured both the smiles and the kisses being bestowed upon him and realized how very much he had missed them, he wasn’t sure what Justin could expect from him, or what he would now expect from himself. He felt equal to almost anything if it would make Justin happy, but he’d worry about the details later, because for the moment... what Justin could safely expect was to be fucked within an inch of his life.
~~~
After the encounter, the young man lay there trying to catch his breath and reveling in the fact that his bravery had paid off. He’d been scared shitless going to Brian and laying it all out, but in the end Daphne was right - he couldn’t do anything else. And although there had been a little double entendre at play after he made his dry mouthed declaration, they both knew what they were talking about. Justin realized that he should have been direct with the man from day one… maybe then they wouldn’t have spent all that time apart. It had certainly been educational, but also confusing and sometimes painful… long before Ethan’s betrayal.
“So… how am I doing?”
From his position on the floor, Brian turned his head to stare at the beautiful blond that had just become his lover again. “With what?”
“Sleeping my way to the top, of course.”
Brian laughed. “Ah… well, a few more performances like that might get you out of the mail room.”
“If you’re going to stick me in that seventh circle of hell, also known as the mailroom, then I think I’ll remain unemployed.”
“I suppose it would be a waste of your... talents.” Brian sat up and winced, then felt around for his jock. He was a little sore from fucking on the floor.... and the desk... and his chair... Not that he minded. It was a decided improvement over the type of pain he’d been dealing with the past few months.
It had started out as a rather acute stab, then dulled into more of a persistent ache, but seemed to have disappeared altogether when Justin looked him in the eye and asked for a second chance. Well, demanded one was more like it. Lucky thing too, because Brian had been getting desperate enough to consider such a move himself. The only reason he hadn’t yet was that he couldn’t find a way to do it without looking like he was doing it. Having an excuse to fire the kid had basically been about postponing the inevitable.
And it had felt inevitable in a way. Even when he was at his most miserable, the feeling that they weren’t quite done yet had somehow buoyed Brian. That was part of why he’d been so annoyed by Michael’s misguided attempts to cut Justin off from the family. Brian knew that, in a way, that was his fault too – he should have been clearer with Michael about Justin’s place in his life. The problem was – he kept trying to figure that out himself. Looks like he’d be back to working on it again – hopefully with more success this time. Brian didn’t know exactly how it was going to be different, just that he intended to make more of an effort.
“Let’s go to my place and order some dinner. Afterwards, you can convince me again that you’d be better off in the art department.” He stood up and reached down a hand to pull Justin up as well, and then set about finding the rest of his clothes before the night cleaning staff arrived.
“Brian...” Justin began a little hesitantly. “You know I was kidding about fucking you for a job, right? I mean... if you really believe I can’t cut it, then don’t hire me back.”
“I shouldn’t have fired you in the first place.” Brian admitted, as he pulled up his pants and turned to face the still naked young man. “I think we both know I wasn’t just pissed about the boards or the color change. Just... run it by me first the next time, all right?”
“So there is going to be a next time?”
“As long as you don’t kiss me in the middle of the art department again, and remember to call me Mr. Kinney when we’re at work... yeah.”
“You aren’t pissed anymore?”
“I wasn’t really pissed.” Brian looked at him seriously. “I was just a little… I don’t know – anyway, it’s not like you meant to fuck up.”
Though Justin was tempted to ask which fuck up the older man referred to, he refrained, figuring his answer applied to both. “I really didn’t.” He confirmed earnestly. “I’m sorry.”
Brian leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the lips and then pulled back just a fraction of an inch, to whisper against them, “Sorry’s bullshit.” before moving in and kissing him again. “Now get dressed, Taylor... so we can get the fuck out of here and go someplace where I can undress you again.”
“Yes, Mr. Kinney.”
~
There was little in the way of talk about anything other than work during the ride to the loft, and even less after they got there. Brian had ordered from his cell and so the food arrived a mere ten minutes after they did. They found themselves more interested in devouring one another than dinner however, and decided it could always be heated up later.
Surprisingly not hungry, Justin now lay peacefully next to his lover, unwilling to risk anything more in the way of discussion just yet, although he knew he’d probably have to eventually. Naturally, they couldn’t just pick up where they left off, and Justin didn’t want that exactly. What he did want remained a little unclear to him right now, but he knew it involved being with Brian – and the rest he figured they’d make up as they went. For now, he was just going to enjoy being back where he belonged.
“So are you going to tell me what happened with Ian?” Brian asked during the break after round two. Two at the loft that is… five if you counted the office.
Justin hesitated, surprised that Brian was asking. He seemed to indicate earlier that he didn’t want to hear anything to do with Ethan. “Does it matter?” He finally responded.
“Not really.” Brian took a drag off his cigarette. “Just curious.”
“You promise not to torture me?”
“No.” The older man laughed. “You know I don’t do those… you’ll just have to trust me.”
“Great.” Justin rolled his eyes and prepared for a little embarrassment. “Well, you were right.” He admitted. “His lines were bullshit and… I guess I should have known better, but I just… they sounded good.“ He sighed. “They made me feel good… you know?”
Yeah.” Brian agreed, despite having little knowledge of the exact feeling, except that it was important to Justin. Important enough for him to leave.
“But I know better than that now… it just took me a little while to figure it out.”
“Figure out what, exactly?”
“Well, for one thing, it’s what people do that matters, not what they say.” Justin told him. “And that love can be a four letter word. I should have believed you.”
The sentiment sounded strange coming from Justin and Brian wondered if he really felt that way. “I don’t know that I phrased it quite like that.” He demurred.
“It sounds like something you’d say.”
“It does.” Brian agreed.
“You’d be right.” Justin shook his head. “Even though I didn’t feel like that about him, I believed it when he said he loved only me… and I thought maybe in time… if I hung in there…I’d feel it too.”
“But?”
Justin sighed dramatically once again. “But while I was feeling guilty for not trying hard enough, it turns out he was fucking his groupies on the side.” He looked down, ashamed to confess it all and aware that Brian owed him a big fat ‘I told you so’.
“That does suck.” Was all the man said.
“It was humiliating.” Justin told him. “Not that I didn’t have it coming, I guess.”
“Bullshit. You didn’t have anything like it coming. “ The man turned, making sure Justin was listening. “He agreed to be exclusive and he wasn’t. You were right to leave.”
“How can you not feel a little vindicated? It’s not like I didn’t deserve it… not after what I did.”
“What you did was walk away from something that wasn’t working for you. There were no locks and you were free to go.” Brian said a little harshly, not because he blamed the kid exactly, but because it still hurt a little… whether he acknowledged it or not.
Justin leaned into his lover again and offered softly. “I wish I hadn’t.”
Brian nodded, realizing that there was so much more to say about it than that, but grateful that the kid chose to be concise. “Well, you’re back… and with a little more perspective, it sounds like.” He pointed out.
“It would have been nice to acquire it without feeling like an idiot. Without being lied to.” Justin still felt like a hypocrite as he said it.
Brian looked him in the eye and said resolutely. “I won’t lie.” The tone was confusing when paired with the words. It was the same sort one expected to be used for the deepest of confessions, or declarations of love and devotion. And who knows - maybe that’s what it was.
Justin met his gaze and gave a slight smile. “Promise?” He asked again teasingly, waiting for Brian to remind him what he thought of those.
“Yes.” Came the serious pledge. “I won’t ever lie to you.”
“I know.” A surprised Justin told him, meeting his gaze, but then lowering it a bit in shame. Despite the bullshit factor, he proclaimed it once more. “And I’m sorry I did.”
“So just don’t do it again.” Brian leaned in to brush his lips.
“I won’t.” Justin vowed, then kissed Brian, trying to convey his regret of the past and his renewed loyalty to the man.
Brian stubbed out his cigarette and they found themselves a tangle of limbs once more. He didn’t think he could remember the last time he felt like this – even with Justin. He simply couldn’t get enough of him it seemed. Of wanting to kiss him… breathe in his scent… touch his skin… gaze into his eyes.
What was it about those eyes that was so pure and trusting… that inspired such tenderness? He wondered how Justin could maintain that look of perpetual innocence after all the things that Brian had done to him, and with the knowledge of what he would do. It was beyond Brian’s understanding, but he didn’t need to understand it… just adore it and, if he had any sense, nurture it.
Having licked and sucked Justin to a satisfying climax and having had the favor returned, Brian took a swig of his beer and contemplated heating up their long forgotten dinner. As much as Justin seemed content to consume only Brian, he had to be hungry by now.
God, Brian realized he’d have to start stocking real food again – Justin hated eating takeout every night... said it wasn’t normal. He had liked to cook dinner for them when he got the chance, and liked it better still if Brian would help. The lad did have a strange attachment to certain domestic routines. Fortunately, Brian had grown rather fond of some of them himself. He wouldn’t say so, but he was glad they’d be back.
“So… when are we getting your stuff?”
“What stuff?” Justin’s brow crinkled in confusion.
“All that shit you like to spread around my nice, clean loft."
Justin shrugged. “At the moment it’s spread around my nice, semi-clean bedroom.”
“Bedroom.” Brian snorted. “You mean a broom closet at Daphne’s masquerading as an extra room.”
“You’ve been gossiping with Emmett.” Justin accused, knowing that was the only way Brian would know details of his living arrangements.
Brian shook his head, “He’s been gossiping with me; it isn’t the same thing.” He casually took a drink. “Mrs. Schmidt seemed to have this absurd notion that I cared what you were up to.”
Justin pursed his lips in amusement. “I see.”
“So… answer the question.” Brian nudged him.
“I thought I did.” Justin said carefully. “I live with Daphne.”
Brian turned to look at him, searching for the real answer – since that couldn’t actually be it. His eyebrows knit in confusion.
Justin could see that the man was truly surprised; that Brian had really thought he wanted to move right back in. He appreciated the gesture, but knew they weren’t ready yet. “Brian, you don’t really want me here.”
The man made to get up from the bed. “Christ, you aren’t going to start that shit again.”
Justin quickly leaned over and tugged him back down. “No… what I mean is –things don’t need to be the way they were before. I think we both know that didn’t work out very well.”
Brian stopped resisting the pull and settled back again. “There was a touch more drama than seemed necessary.” He allowed with a slight smirk
Justin smiled too. “Ok, so let’s skip the drama this time.”
“Which you propose to do how?”
The young man’s grin faltered a bit, and he made his suggestion a little tentatively. “We could act more like a normal couple.”
Brian nodded, tongue in cheek. “And this might entail…?”
Justin hesitated a moment then went for it. “We could go out on a real date.”
“What do you mean out?” Brian narrowed his eyes a little.
Justin humored him with a clarification. “You know – you pick me up… take me someplace with no backroom…”
“Then no.”
Justin laughed and shook his head. “Fine, we’ll figure out another way to make things work this time and avoid any undue theatrics.” He got up and headed for the kitchen. “Come on, I’m starving.”
“That’s it?” Brian asked. “No argument? No pouting?”
“What for?” The blond turned around and made a confused face. “I told you, Brian – I don’t have unrealistic expectations of you this time. Now get up and fuel up… so you can fuck me again.” He grinned and proceeded to the kitchen as Brian rose and followed.
“You really don’t care?”
“It was just a suggestion.” “The young man shrugged and opened a bag of Chinese. “We can go to Babylon and Woody’s just like always; we usually have a good time.”
Brian didn’t know what he thought of this attitude. Justin had always been pleading with Brian to do something just the two of them. So how was it he didn’t seem remotely put out that Brian had nixed his typical date scenario so quickly? If he was really going to expect so little of Brian, the man wasn’t sure he liked that. If Justin didn’t expect more from him then who would?
“You lost me on the ‘no back room’ thing, but I don’t have a problem with re-instituting date night.” Brian told him. “In fact, I think it’s a great idea.”
Despite his best efforts, Justin’s face fell. This was not what he had in mind when he brought the concept up. “Well…. Brian, I don’t… I mean I didn’t exactly have that in mind.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not really something I want to get into again right now.”
Brian withheld a smile at the success of his test. Apparently the kid wasn’t as nonchalant as all that, and it was a relief to know that he would speak up when there was something he wanted, or didn’t want in this case. “I thought you loved that kind of shit.” He continued teasing Justin, though Justin didn’t know that yet.
“Well, it was fine then, but for right now…”
“You don’t want to come over and cook me dinner once a week or so?” Brian raised an eyebrow. “And I used to warrant such devotion.” He mocked sighed. “It’s sad… you’re so old and jaded now that you want me to take you out to some fancy, high-priced, and probably heterosexual, watering hole, instead of staying in here and having a nice quiet dinner or watching a movie.” He shook his head. “You kids today have no appreciation for the simple pleasures.”
“You asshole!” Justin exclaimed, realizing he’d been had. Then he wound up a tea towel and advanced on a retreating Brian. “I’ll show you a simple pleasure.”
“Now, now…” Brian went behind the couch and kept it between them. “I’m unarmed… that’s hardly fair.”
Justin laughed and leaned over the to flick Brian’s thigh with the damp towel. He was about to pull back to twist and re-aim it when Brian leaned in and grabbed his wrist, yanking him down onto the sofa and then quickly climbing over it and securing the young man with his greater weight. “Are you going to play nice, now?” He asked, staring down into the flushed, happy face.
“Are you?” Came the laughing reply.
“I always do.” Brian insisted.
Justin snorted in amusement and squirmed beneath him as his body began to warm up again.
Brian ran a hand down the pale thigh to encounter Justin’s swiftly stiffening prick, and began to caress it skillfully as he pressed his forehead to the one beneath him. “See...” He whispered… his breath hot on Justin’s lips. “Isn’t that nice?”
“God, yes…” Came the whispered reply as Justin closed the distance between their mouths.
They ignored food in favor of one another again and were soon in the throws of whatever round they’d got up to now. They’d both lost count, and didn’t matter, since neither felt he’d had nearly enough.
After a moment Justin pulled back slightly. “Brian?”
“What?” The man kept his eyes closed, still half in the kiss.
“Is this ‘stay in once a week’ thing because you want to spend time alone with me or because you’ve become too cheap to take me out?” Justin teased.
“Yes.” Brian smiled and kissed him again, and kept doing so until the last coherent thought Justin had was that they’d have to re-heat dinner again…