Chapter Text
‘’Chanyeol! Wake up you lazy piece of shit!’’
Chanyeol peeled his eyes open, blinking slowly. He looks around his room, the walls painted a faint gold as the sun sifted through his curtains. Turning his head to the right, he saw that it was already 9.30am.
‘’Fuck, I’m late!’’ he said, jumping out of bed.
‘’Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,‘’ Baekhyun observed.
Chanyeol's running hurriedly around his room, shoving random books in his bag. ‘’Why didn’t you wake me earlier, Byun?!‘’
‘’First I had the decency to wake your sorry ass up to begin with and now you’re blaming me for your tardiness? Next time I’ll just leave you to unknowingly truant, hmm?‘’ the annoyance evident in his voice even through the toothbrush in his mouth.
Chanyeol only grumbled. He was in a frenzy, trying to brush his teeth while jumping into a pair of jeans.
‘’Baekhyun! Have you seen my hoodie anywhere?‘’ his voice muffled as he sorted through his drawer.
The only answer he got was Baekhyun spitting in the sink.
‘’Fine.‘’ Chanyeol mutters under his breath.
Just as Baekhyun was about to leave, Chanyeol turns and sees that his hoodie was worn by none other than Mr. Byun himself.
‘’Byun! Come here you little-’’
The door shuts. Grumbling, Chanyeol quickly puts on a jacket and shoves his feet into the nearest pair of sneakers. Grabbing his bag he all but sprints to his class.
…
Chanyeol’s spirits are a little dampened to say the least. He walks out of class, the lecture the teacher gave him still ringing in his ears. Stomping his feet quite childishly, he walks down the stairs, making the unnecessarily long trip to the cafeteria. The weather, on the other hand, seemed to be unaffected by Chanyeol’s poor mood. As he reaches the bottom floor of the music building, the floor-to-ceiling windows let in curtains of light, illuminating the interior of the foyer. The rays bounced off the metal structure in the centre of the room, a monolith of a huge copper gramophone, tinting the walls a faint brassy hue. A mural of crotchets, semibreves and treble clefs met Chanyeol as he turned left into a corridor, leading him out into the courtyard. It was unfortunate really, that Chanyeol was in bitter spirits as the day was clean and bright. Tendrils of the crisp air from the past winter were still felt even as the year rolled into spring. Chanyeol walked past the massive oak tree that encompassed the main oval of the campus. Its overhanging branches surrounding a good portion of the field, providing shade for both students and animals. Following the pathway that ran along the edges of the tree, Chanyeol entered the cafeteria and began sloppily piling food on his tray. Looking around he spotted his friends talking animatedly at their usual area. Walking over, he slams his tray on the table.
“You’ll pay for this morning, Byun,” he says menacingly.
His friends only stop to briefly look at Chanyeol, the lull in their conversations lasting only a second. Baekhyun acknowledged his presence with a mere flick of his eyes up from his phone.
“Because of you I have another mark against my name. One more and they're failing me. Not to mention I’ve been banned from using the practice rooms after school hours,” Chanyeol accused.
“I still fail to see how this is my fault,” Baekhyun observed, “Be grateful I even woke you up at all. I’m sure the privilege of being able to use the practice rooms after hours is but a dream us mere mortals can only fantasise about but I really couldn’t give a shit.”
“You’re an ass.”
“At least I have one.”
Chanyeol splutters as their table erupts into laughter.
After realising that he had lost on this one, he sits down and eats his lunch in silence. Jongin tries to include him in a conversation with Tao but Chanyeol’s sudden fascination with sliding tomatoes around his plate was a weak attempt at pretending he was busy.
“Oh my God, Jongdae look at this,” Baekhyun calls.
Jongdae leans over and promptly bursts into laughter. Baekhyun soon joins in, their cackles bouncing off the cafeteria walls and in Chanyeol’s skull.
“What’re you guys laughing at?” Chanyeol begrudgingly asks.
“Oh, nothing that concerns you. Just the frivolous happenings of regular citizens,” answers Baekhyun.
“When will you stop being an ass?”
“Once you get one.”
Everyone laughs again as Chanyeol stuffs the tomatoes in his mouth.
…
“I swear, it's like he does it on purpose. I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that he’s hired an investigator on me. How else would he have found out I was in a ferret club?”
Chanyeol’s ears tinted red at the memory.
“God, that was genius.” Sehun’s cackles echo through the empty hallway. “Don’t know how he managed to find that photo of you and send it to everyone,” he sighs, wiping away non existent tears at the corners of his eyes.
Chanyeol lifts a fist and shakes it at an imaginary Baekhyun. “One day I swear I’m gonna get him back…” he promises.
“Bro, you’re like obsessed with him,” Sehun points out. “Either you actually love him or hate him but either way you’d love to get in his pants.”
Chanyeol stops in the middle of the hallway as he chokes on air. God, was this embarass Chanyeol day? Oh wait, that’s everyday.
“Hun, what the fuck?!”
“I swear, a day doesn’t pass that you don’t talk about him. And it's true, he has a pretty sweet ass.”
“Shut the fuck up, you’re gross.”
Sehun only shrugs.
“Ugh, great, you’ve put me off dinner,’’ Chanyeol says with a shiver. ‘’Wanna come over and play a game?’’
“Sure. Not like I have anything better to do,’’ replies Sehun.
“Don’t you have like three assignments due this week?’’
“Hush, child.’’
“I’m older than you.’’
“Technicalities,’’ says Sehun with a wave of his hand.
They walk in tandem to Chanyeol’s dorm and upon opening the door, it was none other than the man of the hour, reading a book on the couch. Wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a tee, he looks up and greets them.
Baekhyun nods twice. “Gentleman, Chanyeol.”
They stride in and Chanyeol shuffles the pillows and kicks some dirty clothes out of the way.
“Byun, move, we’re gonna play Mario Kart.”
“Ooh, Mario Kart. Don’t wanna toot my own horn, but-”
“Your favourite pastime is bragging, Byun,” Chanyeol says pointedly.
“-I digress. It is not for naught. You watch. You’re about to get your ass whooped,” smirks Baekhyun.
“Oh honey, little did you know that I was actually annual Mario Kart Champion for 5-”
“You competed in a Mario Kart championship? Yeol, I know you were a loser but damn, this is almost as embarrassing as being in a ferret club,” says Baekhyun, a mixture of disgust and amusement on his face.
Chanyeol flushes as Sehun starts choking on his spit.
“Oh my God, okay enough you guys. Let’s just play!” Sehun says with a laugh.
Chanyeol stops his glaring as Baekhyun gets up to load the game. Sehun picks up a controller and flops on the couch.
“And besides, you’re both about to get your asses whooped.”
Choosing to compete in a Grand Prix, their gameplay was constantly punctuated with shouts of shit! and Sehun you’re on my team what the fuck?!. It seemed that today was not Chanyeol’s day. His performance was dismal, the only victory gained was when he grabbed Baekhyun’s controller and held it above his head, out of reach.
“You’re such a baby, give it back,” whined Baekhyun as he pouted, too proud to try jumping for his controller.
Their infighting was to be their downfall, however, as they realised too late that Sehun was the bigger threat. When the dreaded Rainbow Road came onscreen Baekhyun and Chanyeol groaned as Sehun whooped in anticipation. They fell off the side of the course more times than they could count as Sehun effortlessly overlapped them. They ended the game with Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s pride significantly hurt and a very smug Sehun. He gets up to stretch as the ending animation of his win plays on screen.
“Well it was fun absolutely destroying you both, but a boy’s gotta maintain his beauty sleep. I’ll see you guys in class,’’ he says.
They made no move to acknowledge his departure; the click of the door was the only sound made along with the background music still playing from the tv.
“Well, I’m still right,” Baekhyun said with a laugh, “I did say you were gonna get your ass whooped.”
Chanyeol threw a pillow. Baekhyun only laughed harder.
“Shut up,’’ Chanyeol says as he gets up to walk to the kitchen. Opening the fridge door, he grabs a bottle of water and cracks the top open.
“Park, you busy on Saturday?” Baekhyun calls from the living room.
“Why?” Chanyeol replied cautiously, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I was just asking if you were gonna go to Kris’ party.”
“No...’’ he cautions.
“Good, cause it seems our friends decided to abandon me. I wasn’t gonna go to a party alone,” Baekhyun scoffs, “We’ll leave at 10?” he asks.
“Wait, wait, wait. I said I wasn’t going, let alone with you,” Chanyeol protests, walking back towards the living room and leaning against the doorframe.
“Oh my god, don’t be such a party pooper. Besides, you need to get out, have some fun! You’re always stuck in your room playing or studying,” Baekhyun points out. “We can go together and save my sparkling reputation and improve your mediocre one.”
Baekhyun patiently waited for his reply as Chanyeol remained silent. Several heartbeats passed when:
“Fine. But don’t think that I’ll be enjoying it,” Chanyeol conceded.
Baekhyun laughed, victory evident in his voice.
“Don’t lie to yourself, no one can resist me in skinny jeans,” he boasts, coupling it with a smirk on his face. Sehun's animated victory had finally finished when Baekhyun gets up, yawns and walks to his room.
“Don’t stay up too late beating yourself up over losing in Mario Kart!” he calls from his bedroom.
Asshole.
…
While Chanyeol was still very much ticked off that his teacher banned him from using the practice rooms after hours, it still didn’t take away from the fact that Mr. Choi was one of the most brilliant professors he had ever met. Waving his marker in the air like a baton, he abruptly points to Seulgi and scream-asks:
“Ms Kang! Why do you sing?!”
Seulgi’s head nearly falls off from whiplash as she looks up to answer Professor Choi’s question.
“Umm.. uhh..’’ she stammers. “Because it makes me feel happy and I’m good at it?’’ she answers in a tone not too convincing.
“Elementary. Everyone here knows you’ve got a voice that can rival even those of the sirens but tell me, why do you sing?”
The silence that ensued signalled that one of Choi’s famous soliloquies was about to occur.
“Even if there was no one left on Earth,
Pause.
“And the plants and animals that remained fell deaf,
Silence.
“And you were slowly spiralling into insanity, would you still sing?”
Mr Choi’s question was startling. No one made a sound, the metronomic tick-tock-tick-tock of the clock the only answer to his question. But in a quiet voice, barely heard over the near void, Seulgi whispers, yes.
The beginnings of a smile graced Professor Choi’s face.
“Why?”
“Uhm, because… Because when I sing, I feel like it’s a different language,” she began, voice barely floating through the room.
“Like I could be different people. I can sing about heartbreak or getting high. Pretend that I just fell in love or died. It’s like, even if people who were listening didn’t know the language, they would still understand,
She pauses to take in a breath.
“Because even if I was reborn and lived a thousand lifetimes, I would choose singing time and time again.”
Seulgi ends on a note of finality. Her words laid like a blanket over the hall, pushing down on them with its weight. Quiet reigned again as Seulgi flushed in embarrassment. The clock tick-tocked, sealing them in a nowhere place as time continued on without them. Then, like curtains parting, Professor Choi’s mouth slowly turned upwards. Curving wider and wider until it bloomed into a full-blown grin.
“Yes! Good, Seulgi!” he praised. “Now this is what I want all of you to do. Search, contemplate, question. I want you all to try and find what it is that makes you do, breathe, consume music. You don’t have to tell me, hell you don’t have to even say it out loud, but…
“I just want all of you to know, to acknowledge what it is that keeps you doing what you do. Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re doing this course as a bludge, I’m still going to get paid anyway, but keep in mind I don’t take well to people who waste my time. Fine, you can stay and spend thousands of dollars on a subject you don’t like but do not come to me asking for extensions on your assignments because you were too incompetent to manage your time and definitely do not waste the time of the other students here.
“I want you know why you chose music. Not why you chose this course, not why you’re aspiring to be an idol but why you chose music in the first place, whether it was yesterday or ten years ago, and why you’ve stuck with it ever since. Because when you’re about to be suffocated by the work and pressure university is going to give you, or God forbid your boyfriend or girlfriend just broke up with you and you’re quickly and irrevocably spiralling into total chaos, I want you to think of why you’re still doing this and let that dedication, that passion be your strength,
“That is all.”
And as Professor Choi stepped down from the front of the room Chanyeol releases a breath he feels like he's been holding for an hour.
That was incredible.
Conversation instantly started as people began talking about Professor Choi and his class. “Wow, he really is something” and “What a nutcase, I’m definitely dropping this now” fluttered around Chanyeol’s vicinity. He barely registered the words, however, as he remained in stunned silence. The question hitting a chord in him that he didn’t know he had.
Why am I doing this?
Even as the bell signalled the end of the lesson and he packed his things in a daze, the question still continued to bounce unanswered in his brain. He walks out, somewhat fazed and bumps into Kyungsoo.
“Oh, hey Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo said, surprised.
“Hey Soo..” Chanyeol replied monotonously.
Kyungsoo looked questioningly at Chanyeol’s face as they waded through the sea of people.
“Is there something wrong, Chanyeol?” he asked worriedly.
“What? Oh, no. I’m just thinking…” Chanyeol answered, barely audible.
Chanyeol suddenly stops in his tracks. Kyungsoo walked a few paces before realising he had left Chanyeol behind. Struggling against the tide of students, he went back to Chanyeol. True worry laced his voice as he asked again.
“Chanyeol, are you sure you’re okay?” Kyungsoo asked, and looking up at Chanyeol he realised that his gaze was focused on something in the distance.
“Kyungsoo,’’ Chanyeol began quietly, “why do you sing?”
Kyungsoo started a little, the question not at all what he was expecting. He searches Chanyeol’s face for any indication that he was joking but only finds genuine curiosity tinge with a sense of worry.
“Uhm, because I like how I sound when I sing? ” Kyungsoo answered hesitantly.
“You know, I’ve been doing music for nearly my whole life,” Chanyeol explains, dropping his gaze to look at Kyungsoo. "But it was only in today’s lecture with Professor Choi that I first even wondered why I’m doing music. Like I don’t have dreams of becoming a rock star but neither do I wanna let it go to a point where I’m working a nine-to-five office job, you know? I'm here spending thousands of dollars on a degree that I don't know will even be useful for me and only now starting to think about what all this means to me.”
Chanyeol starts panicking a little, his breathing becoming quicker.
“Hey, hey. Chanyeol look at me.” Kyungsoo ordered as he grabbed Chanyeol’s closed hands. “Its okay,” Kyungsoo began, “You don’t have to know now. Or even tomorrow. Or five years-
“-But Professor Choi said-
“-Shush,” Kyungsoo cut Chanyeol off, “Now as I was saying. You don’t need to find a reason to justify why you’re doing music. Perhaps you don't’ even have one. But if your persistence and history say anything, its obvious that music has significance for you. You don’t know now but half the fun in a passion is searching for why it gave you joy in the first place. Be present while you’re doing something you love. The answer will always come to you in the end.”
And with that, Kyungsoo let go of Chanyeol’s ands and starts walking to the cafeteria.
“Come on, don’t just stand there you giant. I’m starving,” he called over his shoulder.
Shaking himself out of a daze, Chanyeol took one step, then another and followed.
…
Chanyeol shouted and threw his laptop to the foot of his bed.
“God, I can’t fucking get this right!” he huffed, crossing his arms.
Baekhyun looked up from his phone and took one bud out of his ear. The bass of ‘’Kokobop” could be heard even from Chanyeol’s side of the room.
“What’s wrong, Yeol?” Baekhyun asked. “I’m trying to listen to EXO’s new album with the attention it deserves,” he pointed out annoyingly.
“I just can’t get the piece to work,” he complains. “It already sucks but cause someone’s made my reputation in music less than credible, I could fail if this turns out shit,” he said with a glare to Baekhyun.
Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol, a mixture of annoyance and contemplation in his face. His unimpressed gaze moving from the pale blue walls of their dorm, to Chanyeol’s toys laying on his bed and finally back to his face. Deciding that he wouldn’t be able to listen to his music in peace without first helping Chanyeol, he got up and plopped on his roommate’s bed.
“Scoot over you big dumbo,” he ordered.
Chanyeol was surprised at Baekhyun’s willingness to help him but didn’t protest, secretly quite desperate for some assistance. Chanyeol smelt a faint waft of vanilla as the top of Baekhyun’s head passed under his nose. Baekhyun went to grab Chanyeol’s laptop, the soft cotton of his pyjama top brushing against his thigh. He typed in Chanyeol’s password and was allowed access. As Baekhyun made to reach for the headphones , Chanyeol stopped him with a:
“Hey! How do you know my password?” he accused.
“Please,” Baekhyun scoffed, “Almost everyone know you use 2711 for everything.”
Embarrassed, Chanyeol falls silent as Baekhyun pulls up the file.
“What exactly are you having trouble with?” he asked.
Chanyeol sighs.
“I just can’t get the vocals and the instrumental to work. I like them both but it just sounds off no matter what composition I do,” he explains, frustrated.
“Let me listen to it,” Baekhyun says, pulling the headphones over his ears.
Chanyeol was anxious to see Baekhyun’s reaction. His face was pretty much impassable, head bobbing in time to the music. A couple of minutes ticked by in slight pain as he waited for the track to finish. Baekhyun took off the headphones and put them in his lap.
“Honestly, it's not bad at all but I get what you’re saying about it being off. It's kind of disjointed.”
Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows and looked thoughtfully at the screen.
“Actually, maybe it's just a little cluttered. I guess you’re trying to compose an electronic song but maybe try pulling it back on the synth and bass,” Baekhyun suggests, pointing at the screen.
“I like the melody of the bridge here but I think it could sound even better if you dropped everything but the vocals and percussion.”
Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun, his position next to him making it so that he’s almost looming.
“How did you do that?” Chanyeol asks, dumbfounded.
“Do what?” Baekhyun asks back.
“I’ve been stuck on this the whole day and you managed to fix it in a couple of minutes.”
Chanyeol hadn’t yet made the changes Baekhyun suggested but he knew that they would immediately fix the problems he’d been having with the song all day.
“I don’t know. I just listened to it and said what I thought would make it better,” Baekhyun stated, his face quickly getting warm.
“Still…” Chanyeol said, “This helped me out a lot. I’ve been going crazy all day, this is the first time something’s gone right,” Chanyeol confessed.
Baekhyun could hear the frustration in his voice.
“Is there something wrong, Yeol?” Baekhyun asked, concernedly searching Chanyeol’s face.
“I don’t know… I’ve just been thinking-”
“-You think?”
“Byun”
Baekhyun quieted. The only sound for the next few minutes were the tapping of the keys as Chanyeol made the adjustments Baekhyun suggested. The bed dipped every now and then as Baekhyun shifted to move to a more comfortable position.
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol began, breaking the silence, “Why do you do music?”
Chanyeol tried to feign nonchalance as he posed the question. He was looking at the screen in concentration but Baekhyun knew he cared more about his answer than he let on if the ceasing of his tapping on the keys was any indication. Baekhyun looks around the room again, trying to find his answer. His off-white sheets didn’t reveal anything and neither did the clothes strewn over the floor.
“I’m not sure,” he started. “I guess I’ve just always known. Even when I was young. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t sing.” And then in a smaller voice, so quiet Chanyeol almost didn’t catch it:
“It’s my biggest joy, my closest friend.”
Chanyeol was surprised, never hearing a confession from Baekhyun like that. He knew the boy beside him had been doing music for almost as long as he had but never realised how much it meant to him. Baekhyun’s words prompted Chanyeol to explain further, somehow wanting Baekhyun to realise he had acknowledged his confession.
“It’s just…” he began. “I’ve been doing music for the majority of my life but it was only in my most recent lecture that I even thought about why I’m doing it. I kinda forgot about it but I guess the stress from this assignment brought it up again,” he explained.
Baekhyun muttered under his breath. Chanyeol snuck a glance at Baekhyun through the corner of his eye, questioning, but after a brief pause, he realised that Baekhyun was waiting for him to continue.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just making a huge deal out of this but… I guess the beginning thoughts of ‘Is this all a waste of time?’ are running through my head,” Chanyeol sighs for the upteenth time, running his hands through his hair.
Baekhyun lifted his head and looked Chanyeol straight in the eye.
“It’s not a waste of time.”
Chanyeol could only stare in surprise at the confidence in Baekhyun’s words.
“You’re happy when you do it. You work so hard. I’ve never seen you more satisfied than when you’ve learned a new song or just finished composing a track. Anything that does that to you is never a waste of time. I don’t know what Kyungsoo told you,” a hard look flashes across Baekhyun’s face, “But you don’t need a reason to love music. Just loving it is enough. Being able to do what you love without any restrictions is a freedom not everyone has. Cherish it.”
They hold their stare for another moment when Baekhyun suddenly breaks it and gets up. He goes to his bed, puts his earbuds back in and resumes listening to EXO’s new album as if he didn’t just help bring Chanyeol to an epiphany. Chanyeol sat in stunned silence for several seconds, Baekhyun’s words running through his mind.
Is that really all there is to it?
Baekhyun was so confident when he said those words and Chanyeol suspected there was something he wasn’t quite getting. He continued to be unmoving, but realising that Baekhyun might be a little confused as to why his roommate turned into a living statue, shakes himself out of whatever daze he was in and finishes up his assignment.
Turning off his laptop, he gets up and stretches his limbs, sore from sitting in the same position for so long. He treads to the bathroom, tiles cold on his bare feet, and brushed his teeth. As he splashed his face with water, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Putting down the towel in his hands, he moves closer. Inspecting his face, he realised the cloudy look that was previously covering his eyes had disappeared. Satisfied, he got out of the bathroom and saw that Baekhyun was taking out his earbuds and pulling up his cover.
“I’m gonna turn the lights off now,” he said, flipping the switch and blanketing their room in darkness.
His bed creaked as he lay down to sleep. He closes his eyes, muscles relaxing, breathing turning shallow and falls into unconsciousness, Baekhyun's words weaving in between his dreams, their whispers remaining long after he closes his eyes.