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Hide realised he loved him the night Kaneki fell asleep in his arms after the funeral.
Once it was over, he told him they should spend the night back at his place, he was ready to beg but the black haired boy didn’t refuse. Kaneki sat on the bed, Hide on the floor. Neither of them said anything for a while.
“Hide?”- his tiny voice broke the silence. It was almost a whisper.
“Right here man”
“would you… w- would you mind…”- The boy was breathing heavily perhaps in an attempt to stop any other sound from escaping his lips.
Hide stood up and sat right beside him. Kaneki had closed his eyes, his small fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were white already. He was shaking.
“Hey…”- Hide said softly as he placed his hand on Kaneki’s shoulder. “You don’t have to do this alone”- He smiled sadly. “You’re allowed to cry y'know?”
The other boy looked up and stared at him intensely. Almost startled.
Before he knew it a flood of tears were streaming down Kaneki’s cheeks. Hide said nothing, there was nothing he could say to make this right so instead he pulled him into a hug.
He noticed his own hands shaking.
He can’t remember how long he held him in his arms that night. Or when exactly it was the strained, broken whimpers turned into exhausted sighs. Hide was combing his fingers through the boy’s hair trying to clean it out of his face, his other hand stroking his thumb on Kaneki’s hand, silently telling him I’m here, you’re not alone and you never will be.
At some point Kaneki fell asleep.
It was that night, with his fingers still caressing his hair, in his tiny little room, he knew.
He knew he’d give his life in a second if it meant his best friend would never have to suffer again. Ever. So that night he promised himself he’d do anything in and beyond his power in order to protect Kaneki from pain.
And he kept that promise.