Chapter Text
He didn’t know how long he had been sitting in the darkness. It could have been days or weeks. Chains bound him to the wall, keeping him in his position for too long. His ass and legs were numb from sitting for so long.
There was nothing to do in the dark except wait and think. He thought about everything, everything that had led to that very moment.
He thought about his mother and father, his brothers and sister. Lyanna, whose hand he had held as she had died, whisperings words into his ear. His father and elder brother who had been murdered by the Mad King while he fought on the battlefields with Robert. He had not been able to save any of them, they had all died and left him to pick up the pieces of the Stark family. His younger brother even left him to join the wall.
He was no stranger to loneliness or secrets, he had kept quite a few over the years. Secrets that could have gotten him and his family killed. Now as he sat in his cell, he wondered if it had all been worth it.
In the distance a glow emerges from the darkness. A torch lighting the face of Lord Varys, the only man who had been honest with him in King’s Landing. “You've seen better days, my lord.”
“Another visit? lt seems you're my last friend.” Varys handed him a pouch. He hoped it was water, he hadn’t had anything to drink in days, let alone anything to eat. Why feed a dead man?
“No, no, many still love you. Sansa came to court this morning to plead for your life.”
“On her knees begging for me. Hm! Did you laugh with the others?” Sansa, his beautiful girl that looked so much like her mother. She was so proper and obsessed with etiquette, very different from his youngest daughter Arya.
“You do me wrong, my lord. Your blood is the last thing l want.”
“l don't know what you want. l've given up trying to guess.” He ha been fighting for so long, it was almost a relief to be sitting here in his cell.
“When l was still a boy - before they cut my balls off with a hot knife - l traveled with a group of actors through the free cities. They taught me that each man has a role to play. The same is true at court. l am the master of whisperers. My role is to be sly, obsequious and without scruples. l'm a good actor, my lord.” Varys might be the most interesting man in all of Westeros and yet here he was talking to a dead man.
“Huh. Can you free me from this pit?” The question is almost a prayer, a prayer to leave this hell hole.
“l could. But will l? No. As l said, l'm no hero.” A hero, hah, neither was Ned.
“What do you want? Tell me. No riddles, no stories. Tell me, what do you want?” Pleading with him, tell me!! Varys always seem to know everything all the time. Fitting, he was the spider. Always there but never seen.
“Peace.” The simplest answer anyone could give. “Did you know that your son is marching south with an army of northmen? Loyal lad. Fighting for his father's freedom.”
“Robb?” No, he didn’t want to believe it, Robb was still so young. He was also very noble and would do anything to protect his family. “He's just a boy.”
“Boys have been conquerors before. But the man giving Cersei sleepless nights is the king's the late king's brother. Lord Stannis has the best claim to the throne. He is a proven battle commander and he is utterly without mercy.”
“Stannis Baratheon is Robert's true heir. The throne is his by rights.” He knows the truth, but that truth means his death. If only he weren’t so honorable, if only he could let a lie become truth. No, a lie is a lie no matter how much you wish it weren’t so.
“Sansa pleaded so sweetly for your life. It would be a shame to throw it away. Cersei is no fool. She knows a tame wolf is more use to her than a dead one.” Varys wants something from him, but what could he give him, he was a dead man in a cell.
“You want me to serve the woman who murdered my king, who butchered my men, who crippled my son?” The suggestion was unbearable, go against everything he believed in to keep up a smoke screen of deception.
“l want you to serve the realm! Tell the queen you will confess your vile treason, tell your son to lay down his sword and proclaim Joffrey as the true heir.” Varys almost sounded like he was pleading with him to turn away his honor. “Cersei knows you as a man of honor. lf you give her the peace she needs, and promise to carry her secret to your grave, l believe she will allow you to take the black and live out your days on the Wall with your brother and your bastard son.”
Ned, chuckled, “you think my life is some precious thing to me? That l would trade my honor for a few more years of- Of what? You grew up with actors. You learned their craft and you learnt it well. But l grew up with soldiers. l learned how to die a long time ago.” In the deepest recesses of his mind was always the inevitability of his death. He wasn’t afraid of dying, only a man who hadn’t seen what he had would be afraid.
“Pity. Such a pity. What of your daughter's life, my lord? Is that a precious thing to you?” Varys sounded disappointed. He moved to walk away and he did but he moved back after a few steps. “Your life might not mean anything to you, but what about to your family? You are a good man, why waste it? There is still so much you could do with your life.” This time he left for good, taking the light and leaving Ned in the darkness.
What could he do? If he took the black he would have to give up everything, his home, his wife and children. He doubted Cersei would even let him leave alive even if she granted him to take the black. He was screwed either way.
What if he did take the black? He could go back home, not to Winterfell but to the north. He never felt comfortable anywhere but the cold. He could tell Jon the truth. After all these years he could finally lift the secrets that he had guarded. But telling Jon was dangerous, but he deserved to know the truth. He deserved to hear the truth from his lips. Jon could be a great leader one day, goodness knows he has the blood for it.
He had two choices, death with his secrets or lose everything and die with a clear conscience in a few years. He knew that choosing the wall would still be dangerous, doing anything in this kingdom was dangerous. But, if he made it to the wall, he could finally tell Jon the truth about his birth, a story he has been waiting his whole life to hear.
He made up his mind.
He will take the black and go to the wall.
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It was hours later that Varys came back. This time he stood there waiting for Ned to speak first.
“I’ll take the black.”
Varys looked like he might have smiled but a second later it was gone and his usual look was back in place. “I had hoped you would.”
“Will I be allowed to?”
“Yes, but you will leave tonight with a guard of 10 men escorting you.”
“Will I be able to say goodbye to Sansa?”
“I’m afraid not my lord. It was part of the conditions.”
“I’m surprised she is letting me leave.”
“Yes, it is very surprising, but there were other conditions.” He finally gave a look of discomfort of the conversation.
“Which are?” He almost didn’t want to ask, maybe if he didn’t ask then there would be no conditions.
“Well, your son Robb will end the war and the north will concede.”
“What about Sansa? Will she go north as well?” He almost didn’t want to ask, to still keep the hope that she would become free as well.
“No, Lady Sansa will stay in King’s Landing.”
“As a hostage?”
“As a guest.” The label might be guest, but Ned knew better. Sansa would pay the price for all of the mistakes his family had made. She will stay and be tortured while everyone else was able to go home. “What if I refuse to leave without Sansa?”
“Then you will die and Sansa along with you.” Varys almost looked guilty. “Sansa will be safe here.”
“You know as well as I do, that this place is safe for no one.”
“You might be right, but what other choice is there?” Varys caught him, there were only two choices, live or die. If he died, Sansa would be tortured and wish she was dead or die with him, Robb would go to war and die, the Lannisters would still get Winterfell and Bran and Rickon would die and Jon would go throughout his life not knowing the truth. If he lived, there would be a chance to save all of his children.
“There is no other choice.”