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The motel room is hot. Not in the stuffy classroom way. Not in the air conditioning is broken way. In the way that Lukas is the sexiest thing Philip has ever seen or felt or touched or thought about. And it doesn’t help that his mind keeps repeating he’s gonna be inside me soon. He’s gonna be inside me.
Philip shudders, their clasped hands gripping tightly to each other as he drives his hips down. Lukas moans into his mouth and Philip knows he has to be careful with him. Lukas was fucking shot. They shouldn’t be doing this. There’s a killer after them. They really, really shouldn’t be doing this.
But it feels like he might die if they don’t.
The kiss breaks and Philip rubs against Lukas slower this time, watching as he swallows hard, his eyes fluttering closed. It still gets to Philip that Lukas reacts like this to him, to his body. He never thought someone like this could like him, could want him. Not anyone like Lukas. He’s so fucking hot that Philip can scarcely breathe.
“Shit, Philip,” Lukas whispers, holding so tight to Philip’s hand that it almost hurts, but Philip squeezes back. Philip hums a little bit and kisses him again. Lukas surges up and sinks his tongue into Philip’s mouth, and he tastes like sugar.
Philip touches Lukas’s cheekbone as they kiss and his whole body is crying out with want. He feels like he’s being embarrassing, grinding down against Lukas like his life depends on it, but fuck, he feels so good. They’ve touched each other before—three times, if Philip admits he’s counting, but fuck, he’ll never get over Lukas’s dick. Not ever.
“Need,” Lukas gasps.
Philip loves reducing him to this. “What do you need?” Philip asks, pressing a quick kiss to Lukas’s lax lips.
“You,” Lukas breathes. “Fuck, I—God, you feel—”
Philip smiles and Lukas laughs, a flood of color rushing into his face. Philip kisses Lukas’s cheek, feels Lukas lean in to him. It’s sweet, tender, and for a moment it’s like everything is normal. Like this is them, every day, in a relationship. Safe and content. Philip kisses his cheek again and tries to chase that feeling.
Lukas sighs and it sounds so wistful. “How do we do this?” he whispers, like he’s in class or in church, and a ripple runs through Philip’s body. Every position in the history of time flashes through his brain and he eliminates most of them, considering Lukas’s current situation. He’s gonna ride him. That’s how this will be best, this first time.
First time.
Philip doesn’t allow himself to think about future times. Not yet. Just now, just here; he needs to make this perfect. Well, he doesn’t have lube, so it won’t be perfect, but he thinks the condom should have enough on it that he won’t absolutely die when they do this.
And they’re gonna do this. There’s nothing he wants more.
Lukas is breathing so hard through his mouth. “I’ve done—done research—”
That makes something burst and twist in Philip’s stomach and he giggles, cupping Lukas’s cheek. “You did?” he asks.
Lukas nods, a small smile on his face, and he blushes even harder.
Philip laughs again and leans in to kiss him. They make out for a couple minutes more, lost in each other, and they stop holding hands because Lukas seems intent on sliding his hands up and down Philip’s back. Philip’s jeans are so tight that it feels like the seams are gonna bust. He reluctantly breaks the kiss and sits up, undoing his button and fly. It’s awkward, maneuvering around to get his stupid pants off, arching up and leaning on the bed, but the whole time Lukas is looking at him like he’s the eighth wonder of the world and Philip can’t wait, he can’t wait. They work together to get Lukas’s pants off, and once they’re both down to their boxers Philip palms himself, his heart racing.
“Okay,” Philip whispers. “Okay.”
Lukas nods at him, licking his lips.
It’s a lot easier to take his boxers off and Philip doesn’t even allow himself to think about the fact that he’s completely naked before he starts pulling Lukas’s off too, casting them aside. His heart is raging in his chest and he stares at Lukas’s dick, enraptured and distracted and already half dead, and he feels Lukas’s hands tugging at him, pulling him back in.
“God, Philip,” Lukas says. “Look at you.”
It’s the way he says it that does Philip in. He looks up at the sun streaming in the window to try and hide the tears in his eyes, and Lukas rubs the back of his hand. Philip straddles him again, skin on naked skin, and this part isn’t awkward. The want is thick between them, but there’s a strange comfort and familiarity here, too. Like all the times they’ve both thought of this, dreamed of it have paved their way, like there are other universes where they’ve had so many other first times that everything is bleeding over and folding together.
Philip is so close to Lukas’s dick, long and thick alongside Philip’s thigh, and both of them are so hard it’s fucking ridiculous. He sighs, letting a breath out through his mouth, trying to keep all the emotions in order before he loses it. “I need to get myself ready,” he whispers.
Lukas only nods, sliding his hands up and down Philip’s thighs, his cock twitching in interest. Philip’s heart is going wild now, so much more than it usually does when they’re together, and he sticks his fingers in his mouth, wishing he carried some lube around to go with that condom. He gets them as wet as he can with his own spit, listening to Lukas’s breathing speed up. Philip reaches back and both of them shudder when he breaches himself, pushing his finger in slowly.
Lukas keeps touching Philip’s legs, grazing the skin with his nails so softly. Philip works himself open and he squeezes his eyes shut, a small whimper escaping him.
“You ever do this to yourself before?” Lukas asks, and he sounds fucking wrecked. They’ve barely started and he sounds like that already. Jesus Christ.
“Once,” Philip says. He works up to two fingers and falls into his memory. It was after they’d made out in the barn and had to split up afterwards, and all Philip could think about was Lukas’s dick. Letting Lukas inside him, take care of him, and for a minute he wasn’t in danger, he wasn’t in pain, he was just a horny teenager without enough time alone with the boy he was falling for.
“Did you think…think of me?” Lukas asks, tentatively. “While you were—”
“Yes,” Philip answers, instantly. And he had. The whole time. He knew Lukas’s dick would be better than his own fingers and he kept thinking about what it’d feel like, the noises Lukas would make. How they’d move together. Fuck, how he wanted him.
“God, Philip,” Lukas says. He’s touching him everywhere he can reach, and when he wraps his hand around Philip’s dick Philip moans, bucking forward a little bit. He speeds up his work, pumping three fingers in and out as Lukas smears precome over Philip’s dick, his hand trembling. “You’re so—God, you’re so—fuck, I can’t believe you.”
Philip laughs a little bit, pulling his hand back, wiping it on the sheet. “Am I doing something wrong?” he teases.
He opens his eyes to see Lukas shaking his head. “No, no, I just—you’re so—” he sighs and looks adorably frustrated and Philip can’t take it anymore.
“I’m ready for you,” he whispers, his heart still fluttering like mad. He reaches over by Lukas’s head and grabs the condom. “Can—”
“Yes,” Lukas says, cutting him off. He runs his hand along Philip’s dick again and it sends a surge of pleasure through Philip’s body, which Lukas seems highly aware of. “Please,” Lukas says, so quiet.
Philip nods. He tears the condom open with his teeth and quickly pulls it out of the wrapper, tossing the foil aside. He scoots back a little bit and slips the condom on Lukas’s cock, perfectly, just like that time in sex ed with the fucking banana. He shakes his head—he doesn’t want to think about school, about murder, about any other aspect of his life save for Lukas, Lukas who is still reaching for him, looking at him with such honesty and openness that Philip feels lightheaded in the face of it.
This is it.
He locks eyes with Lukas and raises up, positioning himself, and comes back down slowly. Lukas grabs onto Philip’s hips and tries to guide him down, and at first it’s difficult, but once Lukas pushes inside it’s a little easier to keep going. The pain is sharp and Philip gasps, getting used to the feeling of Lukas filling him up. But there are sparks of pleasure too, mingling with the jolts and hot breaths that escape him.
By the time he’s fully seated he’s seeing stars again, swaying and trying to keep himself in check. They’re both panting and Philip knows he’ll have a firebrand mark of Lukas’s fingertips on his hips, but he loves the way that thought makes him feel. He wants them to belong to each other. And he’s never felt closer to Lukas than he does right now.
“Are you okay?” Lukas breathes. “Your face, you look—does it hurt?”
“Little bit,” Philip says, and he feels like he’s run a marathon. He can’t imagine he looks very sexy right now, sweating and heaving, all his muscles tense. “But it’s—it’s good. It’s good, I—I—”
“You’re so amazing,” Lukas says, and he takes a hold of Philip’s cock again, so gently, stroking him soft and sure, full of purpose. Philip remembers the first time Lukas called him that and he can’t believe how fucking far they’ve come since then. He trembles a little bit, letting out a stupid-sounding moan; he rises up slightly, coming back down slow, adjusting to the way this feels. It’s getting better. A lot better.
Lukas groans, arching his neck back, and fuck, he’s beautiful. His stomach contracts and that’s beautiful. The veins in his arms are standing out and that’s beautiful. He’s so incredibly perfect that Philip doesn’t know how he’s been allowed this.
“No,” Philip says. “You are.” He moves a little bit, rolling his hips and watching Lukas place his hands there again, more firmly this time, like he wants to track the movements. The bed squeaks and creaks—somehow, this is the exact same and exact opposite of how Philip has been picturing their first time. He slides his hands down Lukas’s wrists, his forearms as he rides him, and keeps having to remind himself that he can’t brace his hands on Lukas’s chest or shoulders like he has the inclination to do. He gazes at the expanse of perfect skin on display for him, Lukas’s incredible jawline, his eyebrows knitting together. Philip can’t believe this. Can’t believe him.
The pleasure is rushing through him in waves, pouring through his veins like Lukas is taking him apart with a fine-toothed comb. He thrusts up into Philip once and Philip’s breath catches in his throat, his eyes rolling back into his head. “Lukas,” he whispers, the name precious, dripping off his lips like honey. Lukas does it again and Philip moans, loud and wanton, feeling off balance.
“Come—come down here,” Lukas says. “C’mere, come—I need you.”
Philip doesn’t need to be told twice. He leans over, bracing his hand on the headboard, and as soon as he’s close enough Lukas surges up and meets him with a kiss, thrusting into him again. Philip sucks on Lukas’s tongue and whimpers into his mouth, his whole body shaking as they rock against each other. The angle is better this way, different, shocking and harsh and blissful.
Lukas nips at Philip’s lower lip, wrapping his arms around his lower back. Philip’s cock is caught between them and the friction is driving him insane. “You feel so good,” Lukas says, stealing another quick kiss, then another, then another. “Fucking amazing, Philip, Jesus—”
“Yes, Lukas,” Philip says, mindless, picking up speed now. He can feel Lukas pulling him closer and Philip keeps trying to be mindful of his chest, terrified he’s gonna crush him. “Yes, yes.”
“Baby,” Lukas says.
That makes something broil in Philip’s stomach and he gasps. He crashes their mouths together but doesn’t quite kiss him, not yet, the craving building even though they’re so close, everything mingling, their hearts beating fiercely in time.
“You like that?” Lukas asks, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You like it when I—when I call you that?”
“Uh-huh,” Philip grunts, all he can manage, because the telltale signs of him being close are cropping up everywhere. Goosebumps, his stomach turning and flipping, his thighs quivering. Lukas is gonna make me come. Lukas is fucking me. Oh my God. He wants this to last and he tries to stave off his orgasm, tries to draw this out, swiveling his hips and holding his breath. But Lukas is too fucking hot. Too perfect. Too his.
“Baby,” Lukas whispers, and he touches Philip’s face then, dragging his thumb along his cheekbone. “Philip, baby.” He says it like he’s trying to spike up that white heat that’s crawling along Philip’s spine, the kind of feeling that only Lukas can awaken in him.
Philip moans, feeling Lukas pulsing inside him, his thrusts aborted and erratic but still hitting the mark every fucking time. Philip tries to meet him but his head is spinning, his own dick throbbing between them. He can’t hold off anymore. “Lukas, I’m—oh fuck, I’m gonna—”
“Yes,” Lukas says. “Yeah, Philip, you feel me? You feel me?”
Has he ever felt anything else? Has anything ever been real before this moment? He’s about to answer, or more likely he’s about to groan something nonsensical, and it’s like Lukas senses this because he flashes this sexy little smile before kissing Philip again.
Philip’s orgasm overtakes him, draping the room in bursts of reds and golds as he shakes, Lukas kissing him through it. “Lukas,” Philip moans. “Lukas, Lukas—” And he’s cut off by Lukas’s mouth again, peppering his own with soft kisses.
Lukas presses their foreheads together, pumping up into him twice more before he stiffens up, letting out a soft whine as he comes. He squeezes his eyes shut, pulling Philip to him.
Philip catalogues Lukas’s every move. How he breathes, how he touches the back of Philip’s head, runs his hand through his hair. Philip stays away from Lukas’s bad side but nudges up into his neck, nosing his Adam’s apple, pressing a kiss there. He holds on to the last few moments of Lukas being inside him, then he slowly eases off, collapsing beside him. Lukas grabs his hand and brings it up to his mouth, pressing his lips to Philip’s knuckles for what feels like a long time. Philip’s chest goes warm, and he sighs contentedly.
“Oh my God,” Lukas breathes.
“Yeah,” Philip says, smiling.
“That was—” Lukas starts, blinking up at the ceiling in disbelief.
“Yeah,” Philip says, dreamily.
They both giggle a little bit and Philip scoots closer to him, kissing his shoulder.
“Once I’m back up to one hundred percent we gotta do that, like, all the different ways,” Lukas says. “Every single way we can think of, we’re doing it that way.”
The future. Philip lets himself think of it now. What they just did, that was one of the most incredible experiences he’s ever had in his fucking life, and if Lukas wants to do it every which way, nothing is gonna stop them. Not some murderous asshole, not God himself. Not anybody. There’s a good ache in Philip’s bones and a content feeling coursing through him. He hopes Lukas feels the same. From the dreamy look on his face, Philip thinks he must.
“Okay,” Philip says, a surge of confidence backing him up. “It’s a date.”
Lukas turns to look at him, still holding his hand. “A date,” he says. “Yeah. Good.” He leans in, only wincing a little bit, and presses a firm kiss to Philip’s forehead.
Philip closes his eyes, breathing Lukas in.