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‘I want to wear that.’ Is the first thought that comes to his head as he passes the clothing store and looks at the outfit displayed in the window. For a moment, he allows himself to imagine wearing it. What the fabric would feel like against his skin and how he would look in the mirror.
For once, would he look like himself? Would he for once, feel like himself?
“We can go in if you want.” A gentle voice comes. He turns to find a man, tall and brooding standing over him with the sweetest smile curving his lips. James, he believes this boy’s name was. “The others wondered off, but I’ll gladly go in with you.”
He couldn’t tell if this was some kind of joke or not. It certainly didn’t feel like one, and it wasn’t funny. If that was the case though… how did he know?
“No… I just thought it was nice is all.” He trails off, letting his eyes wonder back to the outfit. It really was nice… he just wished he could wear it like any other person could. It would be wrong though.
He turns away from the dress hanging in the window, displayed on a stiff mannequin, and beings to walk. He pays no mind to James, not caring if he follows or not. He didn’t care that he had no idea where he was or that the friend who had drug him along had apparently abandoned him. He just wanted to get away from the dress… from himself. Letting himself imagine was dangerous. He was a boy, he shouldn’t want to wear things like that. He shouldn’t want to be that.
A tinge of pain ignites in his chest at that, at denying himself. Mostly because he knew that he was a she, and that wasn’t ok.