Chapter Text
Why...?
Why can't I just die...?
This same question has been repeating in my mind for years. How many years now, I didn't know. I've been in this dark place, this hellhole, for so long I can't remember what the sun feels like on my skin. Or how it feels to be clean. I can't remember my favorite food, or if I ever had one. I don't even know my own name anymore.
He calls me 'Angel' sometimes, which I'm sure isn't my name. I hate it. I hate it so much when he calls me that. Mostly he calls me by the numbers he seared into my arm when I first came here, 613.
That number is how he labels his experiments, at least I think that's how anyway. He takes a lot of notes, scribbling away madly and talking to himself when there's a 'fascinating reaction.' He stutters sometimes. Especially when he is angry. When that happens, I know there's more pain to come until he gets what he wants.
Ripping, tearing, breaking...
There's never an end and my only relief is when I scream. I've moved past tears. They don't help and he doesn't care. I can't move anymore, I haven't been able to for some time. He put a metal harness on me that keeps my wings from moving, binding them at painful angles. It's laced with demonic power so there's no use in trying to break it. It hurts. It hurts worse than the metallic straps across my body and limbs do.
I don't know if I can fly, but I think I remember the feel of the wind on my face and the strength in my wings. He likes to pull the feathers out, slowly and painfully. Sometimes he cuts the feathers and other times he cuts into them and I bleed. I don't always know what he does to my wings, all I know is that it hurts more than anything else he does. I also know he enjoys it. A lot.
The lens on his face reflects my face sometimes. I know my hair is long and a soft, silvery white. I can't remember if it's always been that color. My eyes are blue and sometimes they glow. They only do that when I feel myself breaking inside. Which happens a lot. The demonic harness that binds my wings flares with power during those times. It burns my skin and my wings, to the point where smoke rises from my skin and blood drips on the floor. The floor is filthy.
He said I helped him create a sacred passage, an 'Ascension Ceremony'. Giving demonic power to humans and yet giving them a holy appearance. He says it's because of me that they look like that. Not all though. His demon appearance is more bug like. Which is fitting.
He's a coward. An angry coward. An angry, cowardly bug.
I hate him so much.
He tells me that his work will rule this world. I think he'll drown it in blood. I've been told my opinion doesn't matter. Which is why I don't talk anymore. I used to sing to myself when I was alone. I stopped that a while ago, it seemed pointless.
Then he came. Different than the one who always hurt me, whose name was Angus. This new person was strong, brave, desperate... Alone. I never saw him or heard him. But I felt his Devil Trigger, felt his deep seeded pain, anger and...love. It made me tremble, though I don't know why.
There were others too that came. Another man and a woman, who were just as strong and fierce. I never saw them though, only felt them.
Silence came shortly after and the coward never came back. No one came back for a long time. It was finally quiet, no demonic roars or screeching. No pain. I waited for death like I had waited before, only now there wasn't anything to bring death to me. Just time and its ever-ticking clock.
The hallucinations weren't too terrible. Mostly relived trauma, but with no physical pain. It was...scary and yet, felt normal. Maybe my mind finally broke like I feared it would. Maybe it had always been that way.
In the darkness, it was hard to remember such things.
Then she came. With others. I'd never seen others before, or at least I thought I hadn't. They were building and tearing things down. They worked long hard hours and I listened to them for weeks. I didn't know if they knew I was there, I doubted it actually. I thought about calling out to them, but who knew what these others were like?
Maybe they were like he had been.
Maybe they were like the devil who's power shook the walls and made me tremble.
So, I stayed silent.
When she found me, her face was sad while the others were horrified. I only know this because I had felt the same about myself. It was easy to recognize. They took me down from where I had been strapped to the wall. It took a while, pain searing my skin as they removed the metallic straps. Once I was down, I passed out from the pain.
Which again, was normal for me.
When I woke, I was laying down on a soft cushy pillow thing. A bed, I think it was. The woman, whose name was Kyrie, stayed with me. She fed me. Bandaged me. Helped me learn to walk again.
It didn't take long surprisingly, while I had forgotten somethings my body remembered just fine. I even began to recognize somethings. Like words in books.
I found that I loved books. So many things were written down, it surprised me anyone took the time the write them all down.
"Hey there," she said to me one morning, "I know you want to remove that horrible thing binding your wings. I want that too; I want you to be able to live freely and comfortably. I've looked through all of the Orders texts and Agnus's notes that were left, but no one has any clues how to remove it."
Her eyes were sad as she spoke and I nodded slightly in understanding. I wanted it off, so very badly. Nothing we tried worked. And every time we tried, the demonic power etched in the metal would flare and the pain would come like always. After several tries and failures, I accepted that I would always have it on.
Agnus was dead and his secrets with him.
"But," Kyrie said, a soft smile playing on her lips. "I have a friend, a close friend who I think can help you. You're different, just like he is and so are the people that he works with. Would you like to see if they can help?"
Different? Did she mean like me?
I frowned, confused and not understanding. Motioning with my hands, I pointed to my chest where the center of the harness connected.
"He's half demon, so are some of his friends. They are good people and I trust them."
Half-demon? How could anyone be half demon? In my experience, it was either all or nothing. There was no such thing. It also seemed like she had more to say, but stopped herself. Those gentle brown eyes so kind, but sad.
When I frowned again, she smiled gently and patted my knee with a warm hand.
"I know. But please believe me when I say that I trust them."
Maybe she did, but how could I? I was in a world I remembered very little about. I still wasn't talking either. Not because I couldn't I just...didn't think anyone really cared if I did or not. Besides, Angus always told me my opinions about things didn't matter. As much as I hated him, he did seem right about that.
Maybe they could help me.
Maybe I could carve a place out for myself in this world. I knew staying with Kyrie wasn't a good idea. People were scared of me. Kyrie said it was because of the previous demon attacks. But I wasn't a demon.
At least I didn't think I was.
I knew I wasn't human though. Humans don't have wings.
After thinking it over, I slowly nodded my head. I'd go meet her close friend, Nero, she said his name was. And his friends, Dante, Vergil, Lady and Trish. She gave a brief description of each and offered to accompany me to a place called Devil May Cry in a city not far away. I nodded, I didn't know where anything was. Best to have her with me.
Maybe I trusted her. Maybe it was because she was kind and gentle. She settled my heart and made me feel welcome. Even though I didn't talk. Even though I was a strange person with wings bound in a metal harness laced with demonic power.
Made me wonder what kind of friends these people were.