Chapter Text
His eyes feel heavy, probably due to the many sleepless nights. His hair is sticking onto his forehead, the damp ambiance hanging in this bar has the sweat trickling down. This is not a place he’d usually go to, but his friends are worried about him, so he decided to say screw it and mingle with some people who have no clue about what he wants and needs; setting himself up for inevitable failure.
He rubs his hand over his face, filling his lungs with the much-needed air, before exhaling deeply, the smell of alcohol and smoke flying up his nostrils rapidly.
His first drink had barely been handed to him when he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder, followed by seductive voice in his ear. “Is this seat taken?”
He knows what the universal meaning of that statement is and it makes him nauseous to think about.
Yes, he’s alone, no he isn’t taken.
His hand gestures to the empty seat next to him. “Go ahead.”
It came out firmly and cold to his own ears and reminded him of how incredibly awful he’s gotten at this.
“I don’t think I’ve seen you here before”, she speaks confidently, her brown eyes staring mischievously into his and he knows exactly what she’s here for and if he wasn’t a 38-year-old freshly divorced guy, he would’ve taken her home. No questions asked.
“Attentive, huh?”
The almost model-looking woman in front of him bites her lip and seems to contemplate her next words carefully, yet surprisingly edgy.
“I won’t take it personal if you’re not interested. There’s no need to be an ass about it.”
He hadn’t even realized how roughly the words had escaped him and he shook his head, frustrated.
“God I’m an idiot. I’m sorry, I’m just not ready for...”, he waves a hand between them, “whatever this is.”
“You’re not ready to have a drink with me?”
The misty lighting in the bar combined with this woman’s proximity makes him a bit lightheaded and thus he’s unable to detect her hint of sarcasm. She doesn’t speak until she’s faced with his confused expression looking back at her.
“I’m just messing with you. It’s okay.” She stands up as she re-adjusts her short dress that hiked up even further and it’s the first time he even took notice of all the curves she had on display. She sticks out her hand, waiting for him to shake it. “My name’s Abby.”
He shakes it firmly. “Blake.”
“Nice to meet you, Blake. Take care of yourself.”
It’s not until she’s undoubtedly out of earshot, that he lets out a throaty sigh. His first night back out as a single man and he’s already managed to royally screw up. The woman who identified herself as Abby usually would’ve been his type; she seemed fun and light-hearted and just wanted to have a good time. It probably wouldn’t have been anything serious, he could’ve taken her home, they could’ve had their way with each other for a couple hours and pretend like nothing had happened the next morning. It could’ve been light and easy, but it’s not what he wants. Tear-stained memories weighing heavy on his heart, the bitter aftertaste of dying love and infidelity still lingering on his tongue. No, he’s not in a place where he can give someone a piece of himself in the name of light-hearted fun. He doesn’t think he’s able to give anything of himself at all, but when he does, it will be heavy and crucial.
He’s about to motion for the bartender to come over and close his tab, when a petit-looking blonde takes the seat next to him. She doesn’t even seem to take notice of him, but something about her takes his breath away entirely. She’s wearing loose jeans and an open side tank-top that reveals her lacy black bra underneath. He remains seated on the barstool, his gaze fixated on her every movement.
She goes to make what seems like small talk with the bartender for a little while, before finally acknowledging him for the first time since she sat down next to him. Her lips form a small smile, that turns into a full on grin when she realizes he’s staring.
He reaches for his glass then and leans forward, motioning for her to do the same. He doesn’t know where his sudden confidence comes from, but he desperately wants to get to know her. Get closer.
When she seems intrigued enough, he speaks. “What are you drinking?”
There’s something playful in her smile as she momentarily traps her finger between her lips. She does it so quick, it’s almost a reflex and he’s pretty sure she wasn’t even trying to be seductive, but an overwhelming sense of desire rushed over him at the moment.
“Whatever you’re buying.”
Her voice brings him back down to Earth and he smirks at her witty reply. He motions for the bartender once again and orders them both an Old Fashioned.
“Interesting.” She hums as he slides the drink over to her.
“What’s that?”
She turns to face him a bit more, increasing the eye contact to a point where he almost feels like looking anywhere but her.
“You don’t strike me as an old fashion kind of guy.”
He huffs at that. “You’ve known me for about 2 minutes. Isn’t it a bit early to make assumptions?”
He doesn’t sound upset, he isn’t, but he is challenging her and the spark in her eyes tells him she’s accepting it head on.
“Fair enough.” She sips on her drink and his eyes follow her lips all the way to her glass. It’s a weird sensation to think about another woman in that way. It’s weird taking notice of another woman that isn’t the one he promised a forever to. “Tell me what kind of guy you are then.”
He ran his hand through his curly hair, still sticking to his skin with sweat, but for a whole other reason than the one at the beginning of the night.
“I’m the type of guy who wants the lady’s name before revealing information like that.”
She throws her head back as she laughs and his heart-rate skyrockets. He doesn’t know what about this woman has him so unbelievably captivated and it terrifies him.
“I’m Gwen”, she says as their eyes lock again.
“Blake.” He says before raising his glass to his lips, winking at her when he sees her stare the same way he’d done earlier.
“So Blake...”, she starts, her demeanour toughening up a little even though she never loses her playful expression. “Do you do this a lot? Buy other women drinks I mean.”
She tries her best at a genuine smile, but fails miserably. It’s quite adorable to observe, really. Still, it’s a question he’s not ready for.
“I don’t.” His voice is rough as he speaks and he clears his throat quickly.
She raises her brows, clearly amused and surprisingly he feels himself getting frustrated. “You’re mad.” She states.
“Why’d ya ask me that?”
She cocks her head to the side, her features softening suddenly. “I’m asking instead of assuming. I thought you wanted that.”
It’s the kind of answer he could’ve expected from her. She’s incredibly brazen, but respectful. She’s a mixture between intimidatingly badass and exceptionally caring and it’s hard to keep up with.
“I haven’t had to do this in about 10 years. I think I may have forgotten how this whole thing works.” Honesty is what her presence demands and he’s helpless to give into her.
“You were married.”
He follows up his nod with another sip of his drink, basking in the slight burn as the liquid goes down.
“You still got it apparently.” His eyes widen at her words and he suppresses a big belly laugh, cause it sounds almost ridiculous.
“Really? What makes you say that?”
She draws her lower lip between her teeth. “The other girl.”
Abby. He completely forgot about the other woman who was here before Gwen and he realizes that’s what she does to him; his attention is utterly hers, he could’ve been talking to multiple women for hours and Gwen still would’ve been the only one he’d remember when he gets home.
He chuckles then. “You’ve been watching me, huh?”
She laughs dryly. “Oh please. She was kind of hard to miss.”
Her tone is playful and confident, like she’s been all night, but something in her eyes changed; there was a flicker of something else there. “You’re jealous.”
“I don’t even know you.”
He wasn’t going to push it. He would’ve if she was dealing with his younger self, but she’s not. She’s dealing with the Blake who’s bruised by life like every other adult; the one who’s been saved and broken by love, the one who rather talks to this girl that makes his heart feel things other than the suffocating ache, than ruining his chances with childish pride. He doesn’t need to hear her say what he already knows.
“She was a nice girl, but it’s not what I want right now.” It’s confusing, it’s almost pathetic, but it’s honest.
“So why are you sitting here talking to me?” Her voice suddenly gets uncharacteristically girly and something inside of him twists at the sound.
“I feel like you’re different.” He waits a couple seconds before he continues, taking in the forming smile on these lips he really wants to kiss. “Or maybe you’re just better at hiding your intentions.”
She grins at that. “Maybe.”
The force of her presence is jarring; he feels it everywhere and his mind is going into overdrive. He came to this bar with no intentions of making contact with anyone, but the thought of never seeing Gwen again after this makes him dizzy.
“You zoned out on me there, Blake.” The way she said his name just then made him crave another drink, which he wasted no time ordering... The bartender provided him with straight whiskey and he heard the gorgeous blonde next to him snicker as he did so.
“That seems more like you.”
For a moment, he thinks she’s mocking him, but then it hits him that maybe she just sees him for what he is, for who he is.
And she’s still here.
“I think you need to stop trying to understand who I am”, he says half joking.
She seems to be going over his statement and it’s weird for him to realize that this person he’s just met, is already better at listening and handling him, then most people he’s known for all his life.
“I was married once.” The admission hung heavy in the air after the words left her lips and he waited desperately for more. “I thought I had it all figured out; I was going to grow old with this person who loved me exclusively and have kids.” She paused briefly and it was the first time that night he saw her visibly getting affected by something much deeper than sadness. “I was going to prove everyone wrong”, she whispered.
He had so many questions, but none of them came out of his mouth. Instead he just stared at her, dumbfounded at her sudden honesty and terrified by the similarities in their stories. Stories he hasn’t even shared with her yet.
“It taught me about resilience, because Blake, I could’ve stayed down there, wallowing in my sadness”, she looked at him directly, “But I knew that there had to be more out there for me. Not just more people, but more life. I lived such a sheltered existence while being married and I didn’t even realize it until I was forced to look beyond the bubble we had created. Life is pretty great when you give it a chance.”
He shakes his head almost pleadingly.
“Why are you telling me this?”
He doesn’t know if he’s imagining things, he has been sipping drinks for most of the night, but he could’ve sworn she just scooted even closer to him. Her arm is almost touching his and he wonders what it would feel like if she just reached out and traced those beautifully manicured nails over his arm. “I want you to take me somewhere.”
He furrows his brow and looks at her skeptically. “Are you asking me to take you home?” He was honestly not sure what she was asking.
“No”, she smiled. “I asked you to take me somewhere. Anywhere. Wherever you want.”
“Gwen, I don’t even know what that means.”
All he wanted to do tonight was have a few drinks and go home even lonelier and more depressed than before. But now he’s faced with this gorgeous woman, who seems to have her mind set on driving him crazy.
“Come on. Don’t you have some place you always go to when you need some time to think? Somewhere you feel free?” She looks at him expectingly. “And don’t tell me this is the only place you go to drown out your sorrows.”
“What If it is?”
“Then that’s pretty sad.”
It’s with a speed he had not yet attained, that he got up, nearly knocking over the remaining bits of his drink. He reaches out for the glass just in time for it not to shatter into a million pieces. “Fuck”, he murmurs under his breath. “I’m sorry, this is not a good idea.” He can’t even keep up with his own mood-swings, but everything this woman says cuts a chord deep within him. Wether it’s adoration, excitement, arousal or anger; he feels it all deeply and right now he just wants to run away from it as far as possible.
He pays the bartender and tries not to look into her direction, knowing full well he’s already too deep under her spell to deny her anything. He leans with both hands on the bar in front of him, before exhaling deeply. Just as he’s about to leave, her hands meet his on the bar-top and his breath hitches.
Fuck.
“Don’t run from me, Blake.” Her sweet voice comes. He’s frozen in place as he tries his hardest to fight back these tears threatening to fall. Her soft fingers tracing delicately over the rough skin on his, is enough to reduce him to a boneless mass.
“You don’t know me.” He whispers.
She doesn’t miss a beat. “But I want to.”
He shakes his head furiously. He wants to get to know her, get close, but he knows he’s not good at this. He knows he’s ruined every good thing in his life and God, he does not want to hurt her.
“You don’t.” He finds the strength to look at her again and he’s met with a kindness and patience in her eyes he’s not close to deserving of. “I’m not this great guy you meet at a bar, who makes your life better. I’m the person you’ll regret meeting after we’re done. I’m a mess and I’ll leave you in an even bigger one when I leave. You should get away from me.”
For a second he thinks he’s gotten through to her; she retreats her hand and stands up next to him. “Get us out of here.”
He sighs in defeat, but nods.
Not sure where to go now, he leads her to his truck and waits for her to get situated before closing the door behind her. He looks over the almost vacant parking lot, trying to make some sense of his scrambled mind. He looks over to Gwen, who’s looking at him from the passengers seat; her head leaning against the car window, while her bright red lips are forming the prettiest smile.
He finds himself doing something he hasn’t done in years: he says a silent prayer. His last thought before he gets into his car is that if there’s anything good left in this world, he wouldn’t screw this up like he knows he’s capable of.
“So what is this place?”
He watches her as she studies the environment from her window and waits for her to draw her attention back to him.
“I used to come here while I was still married. Things would get crazy and I’d just drive out here. Secluded, away from any people. It’s being free, like you said. Until you have to go back to the real world, that is.”
“This is the real world.” She giggles.
He watches her intently. This is a side of her he hasn’t seen yet; the giddy, almost bashful side. “It doesn’t feel like it”, he smiles. “This place is way too peaceful to be part of the real world.”
“You create that, you know.” She starts softly. “This place is the same as any other place. It’s you who makes this particular place peaceful. You can do that everywhere else. You deserve that.”
It’s almost humorous, the way she sees him, the way she won’t let him drown in his own pessimism.
“What are you? You some sort of psychologist?”
He didn’t mean for the words to come out that rough, but she doesn’t seem to take offense.
“Not a psychologist. Just someone who’s lived some life herself.”
Once again, he’s being drawn to secrets she hasn’t yet shared. She seems to have mastered this newfound positivity, but he knows there had to be some serious darkness involved to spark that gift. Selfishly, he wants her control to break; he wants to see that side she’s so desperately trying to control.
“You said you were married.”
The serenity of the trees and water around her seem to catch her interest again, as she murmurs softly. “Uh huh.”
“You divorced.” He states next.
Again, she hums softly.
“Why?”
She leans back against the seat, her eyes closing briefly before locking with his. “He cheated.” She said dryly.
“Is that why you left?”
“Amongst other things.”
There was a flicker of something familiar in her eyes the next moment. She was holding back and he was having none of it. “Tell me.”
She shook her head as if to say no, but she continued regardless.
“I was pregnant.” Her voice was nothing but a broken whisper as she spoke. “I was pregnant when I found out about his cheating. We’d have these explosive fights all the time and this time was no different. He told me he basically screwed around on me from the moment we got married and I became hysterical. He couldn’t deal with it and he left for the night. He wasn’t gone for more than 5 minutes before I felt these sharp pains in my stomach and...” Her voice trailed of and the shaking of her head did nothing to prevent the tears from falling. “I lost it. I couldn’t get a grip on myself and as a result, I lost my baby.”
She was full on sobbing now, her body shaking violently as they took over her tiny frame and the urge to protect her suddenly kicked in. He unbuckled his seatbelt and positioned himself so he could pull her against him. His action caused her to momentarily stiffen, as she tried to gain back some composure, but the tears kept coming and at some point she seemed to just give in. Her head rested against his shoulder for what felt like hours, but he wouldn’t move. He let her get it all out, until her sobs ebbed into shaky breathes. “I’m sorry.” She said hoarsely.
He planted a quick peck on the side of her head, unable to help himself. “Don’t be.”
When he felt like it was safe to talk again, he nudged her a little bit. “What happened.... that wasn’t your fault, Gwen.”
It’s ironic how she’s the one who’s been talking him off ledges all night, while she might’ve been struggling with the biggest one of them all. “I get it if I’m not the person you necessarily want to hear that from, but I, well it’s the truth.”
She looks at him with such emotion, he’s almost expecting to get slapped. Instead she moves to straddle him in the next moment, catching him completely off guard.
“Gwen.”
Her name gets lost on his lips, when he feels her curious tongue dart out to taste the sensitive skin on his neck. Her fingers skim over to his chest, unbuttoning only the first three buttons of his shirt, exposing enough skin to graze her nails against. “Fuck.”
His hips involuntary buck up against her and he apologizes for thrusting his growing erection against her so prominently. She doesn’t grant him any time to think about it further, as she kisses all the thought straight out of his brain. Her lips are hot on his, her tongue sweet and inviting. His hands move to grasp her slender waist, pressing her more firmly up against him, the delicious pressure building dangerously fast.
Part of him wants to go all cavemen on her and get rid of all restrictions. He wants to lay her down on the backseat and fuck her till she forgets every messed up thing that happened to her, but he knows that she deserves better than a frantic fuck in his car.
“Gwen, wait. Stop.” He pries his lips away from her and cups her jaw gently.
Her eyes are wide, like she can’t believe she just lost control like that and she swallows loudly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Her red lipstick is smushed and the way her chest is heaving makes her too endearing for her own good. “Please don’t say that.” He says softly.
She smiles at him then; a gentle and understanding smile that reminds him of the way she’d been with him at the bar. Her hand reaches out to cup his cheek and he finds himself leaning into her touch by accident.
“You’re a good man, Blake.”
He closes his eyes at her words and focuses on her hand still cupping his cheek. His heart has been broken one too many times for him to believe her, but her presence fills him with hope. Like somehow he’ll be able to believe her eventually; with her sweet voice and gentle touches leading the way. It’s both electric and terrifying to realize he would follow her anywhere.
He can’t remember the last time he felt save enough to open up to anyone like that, but he feels like he could open up to her and she would listen. She wouldn’t try to fix him, or have this unreasonable tendency to expect perfection, cause she understands people.
“Let me take you somewhere else one day. Let me kiss you again when I do.”
She doesn’t answer him right away, but she presses a soft kiss on the revealed skin on his chest, before buttoning up the shirt with skillful fingers. “The answer is yes, Blake. All you have to do is call.”
It’s a promise he can’t wait to make good on.
He wants to be this great guy she meets at a bar, who makes her life better.