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Robert wakes slowly. Soft like a cloud and fast as the sunrise.
Awareness comes to him in parts, one after the other. He knows what day is it, fell asleep thinking about it, and it’s on his mind as soon as he’s aware enough to feel the warm sheets against his skin, to hear Aaron’s familiar breathing pattern. He opens his eyes.
For a moment, he’s blinded by how bright it is, sun filtering through the windows unhindered. It takes a second for him to remember why they forgot to close the curtains last night. He smirks when the memories filter through, skin tingling with them.
Once he can stop blinking rapidly against the assaulting sunshine, he sees Aaron lying next to him, looking far more awake than Robert feels, watching Robert, his arm hidden below the pillow. A smile slips on his face as soon as Robert looks at him and it lodges something warm and comforting in his chest. It must be contagious because Aaron scoots closer.
“Morning,” he says, his voice deep and gruff from the lack of use. It seeps deep into Robert’s muscles.
“Morning, husband.”
Robert turns on his back, raising his arms above his head, and stretches the kinks out of his spine, feels the aches in his muscles from the night before, appreciates every one of them.
His back hits the mattress just as Aaron starts moving. Aaron drags his arms and face and chest all over him, and Robert’s pulse feels like it walks into his head and shuts all the doors. He lies down on top of Robert, head on Robert’s chest, tangling their legs, his chin resting on his fist, the weight of if digging into Robert’s ribcage.
He’s looking at him in a way Robert can’t decipher. A smile, a distant look, a slow breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on.”
“I just …” Aaron runs his index finger along the back of Robert’s hand, tracing the veins and tendons. “I can’t really believe it’s already been five years.”
“Five years since we got married?”
“Yeah.”
“That was a bit mad, wasn’t it?”
Aaron chuckles. “It was.”
The curtains catch and paw at each other, the wind playing them with an invisible hand. The restless heat asks Robert to take down the covers, but he doesn’t. It’s too hot for September, but Aaron is the antidote he needs against it.
“Do you ever regret it?
“Marrying you?”
“Your life turned upside down that day.”
“Yeah, turns out living and working at the palace for most of your life doesn’t prepare you for becoming an actual member of the royal family.”
Robert laughs but notes the way Aaron has avoided answering the question. It’s silent for a heartbeat.
“No. I don’t regret it. I couldn’t.”
Aaron’s expression is unfurled like a truth, open as a book. Robert believes him, even though he can’t help but wonder sometimes if getting together and getting married the way they did was the wrong thing to do. For Robert, there had been nothing else all his life than serving their family and their country, but Aaron’s life had run a completely different course. Meeting Robert happened on pure chance.
Robert lifts his head and kisses Aaron’s forehead. “I love you. Happy fifth anniversary.”
Aaron kisses Robert’s chest. “Love you too.”
Robert drapes an arm over Aaron’s middle pulling him up, pulling him closer, rests his cheek against the crown of Aaron’s head. He takes a deep breath and takes a moment to bask in the familiarity of the smell that fills him.
“We should have gotten up five minutes ago.”
“What time is it?”
“Nine,” Aaron says but it sounds more like a question. Suddenly, almost all tranquility Robert has had flees his body.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“It’s just a special day, isn’t it? I thought you deserved a lie in.”
“Aaron, I appreciate the sentiment and while it is a special day, our diary doesn’t really care about that. I already tried, believe me.”
“Yes, our diary does care.”
“No, it doesn’t. We’ve got work to do soon.”
Aaron raises his head and looks at Robert. He looks sheepish which is not something Robert sees on Aaron very often.
“What did you do, Aaron?”
“Asked Leyla to free your day?”
“Leyla okayed this?”
“Yeah, she did. I told her I wanted it to be a surprise and she was happy to help.”
Robert feels himself relax again and can’t help the grin that spreads on his lips at the thought of having a day for just Aaron and him spreading out in front of him.
“Happy anniversary,” Aaron says, kissing Robert.
“Thank you. That’s a very good gift.”
“Didn’t know what else to get you. You already have everything.”
“It’s perfect Aaron.” He kisses him again. “We haven’t had a day to ourselves in too long.”
“We can spend all of it in bed if you like.”
Robert laughs. “You know me well.”
“You’ve got a one-track mind, more like.”
Robert wraps his other arm around Aaron as well before he flips them around, and presses Aaron into the mattress, grabbing his hands and pinning them against the pillow.
He knows that if Aaron wanted to, he could easily throw Robert off him, but he doesn’t. Robert leans down, lips only a hairbreadth apart, waiting. Aaron closes the gap after only a second that feels entirely too long. Their tongues meet and Robert sighs contentedly.
+++
“I just don’t want a repeat performance of the last time you were here, Robert.”
“Leyla, you know that that was years ago. I’m responsible now.”
Aaron snorts next to him.
“See,” Leyla says, clearly amused, pointing a manicured finger towards Aaron, “he agrees with me.”
The car takes a turn that Robert didn’t expect and his reply gets stuck in his throat. Aaron shoots him an amused look, Robert glares back, as they continue their journey through the German traffic on their way to a dinner party at Bellevue Palace.
They’d arrived in Berlin this morning for a two-day visit to visit the embassy, the holocaust memorial, the Brandenburg Gate, and a cancer research center where scientists from Emmerdale are working on finding a cure. It had been a while since Robert had been to the city and it was Aaron’s first time in Germany so their day had been long but interesting and Robert’s head was whirring with new information at the end of it.
He stares out of the tinted windows of the car that’s driving them to their destination, watching the city pass by on the late summer evening. His head turns when he feels Aaron place his hand above Robert’s, warm and familiar, and Robert lifts it to kiss the back of Aaron’s hand, keeping his eyes on Aaron’s the entire time. Aaron smiles, rolls his eyes at Robert and looks away, but tightens his fingers around Robert’s.
The car shakes when they take a right turn and drive over gravel a white building to their left, a park to their right. Bellevue Palace, Robert guesses.
Robert can hear Leyla talking to the driver in the passenger seat and steels himself for an evening of diplomacy.
When the cars stops, Leyla thanks the driver, turns back towards them and says, “wait for my signal,” before closing the door behind her.
Aaron shoots him an amused look and Robert reciprocates it.
“She really likes working for you, doesn’t she?”
“Having the right to yell at people and to yell at me? You bet she does.”
Aaron laughs and looks back out of the window when the car starts driving again, moving at snail’s speed for not even a minute before it stops again.
“I think we’re here,” Aaron tells him, takes his hand back and brushes over the lapels of his suit.
The door on Aaron’s side of the car opens and Leyla pokes her head in.
“Ready?” she asks, looking first at Aaron then at Robert. She nods. “Wait until they announce you and then get out of the car.”
“So, it’s the same procedure as always,” Robert notes, but Leyla brushes him off with an irritated look.
She once again closes the door and walks through the grand entrance into the palace.
The classical music from inside spills outside and Robert tries to recognize it but can’t. The warm lights inside cast the white marble of the entrance in soft shadows, orange mixing with blue of the night slowly falling around them. There’s a stroke of a gong and then a voice booming from outside their car.
“His Royal Highness Prince Robert of Emmerdale and his husband, His Highness Prince Aaron of Emmerdale.”
Aaron turns his head towards Robert, one hand on the handle of the door, waiting.
“Ready?” Robert asks.
“Ready,” Aaron says.
One after the other they get out of the car. Robert buttons his suit jacket as he looks along the thick red carpet that leads inside, the edges of the party visible from his view. A single official photographer is standing next to the entrance and they pause for a picture before Robert rests his hand on the small of Aaron’s back and they walk up the handful of steps until they’re inside.
+++
The continuous hum of the air rushing past them lulls Robert to sleep almost as much as his mum’s lullabies used to. Robert shakes his head, rubs his eyes, and sits up straighter. The thin blanket thrown over his legs makes him feel snug and warm in a way he doesn’t usually feel in airplanes. Aaron leaning his side against Robert, his head resting on Robert’s shoulder helps too. He knows that Aaron isn’t sleeping because he never sleeps when they’re traveling, but he makes a good impression of it when Robert looks at him. It’s enough to fool their flight attendant and not to fool Robert.
Robert smirks fondly and looks past Aaron out of the oval window, watching the clouds below them rush by, the sun slowly descending over the horizon. A comfortable feeling warms his chest and spreads underneath the skin of his entire body. It makes his muscles relax, puts his mind at ease and slows down his thoughts, makes him smile without meaning to. It’s something that hits him in the strangest moments, unexpected and unpredictable. He’s content in a way he never thought he would be, and sometimes he indulges himself in it for a minute or two.
The biggest changes can come from the smallest of movements, like the drop of a pebble into a life-sized pond, the ripples determined not by the size of the pebble but its weight.
Robert thinks that all the weight of Aaron is so great that is has split his life into two: before and after they met.
He kisses Aaron’s forehead, then leans his cheek against the top of Aaron’s head, closing his eyes. The back of his eyelids is a burning red from the sunlight that is standing tall over the blanket of clouds below them. He takes a deep breath and, without meaning to, falls asleep only a moment later.
With the awareness that he wasn’t out very long, he wakes up to orange cloud and only half the sun being visible anymore. Robert doesn’t particularly like flying but it’s views like this that make him appreciate it.
With a quiet hum, Robert peeks a glance at Aaron. His eyes are open and he’s looking at Robert. There is a gleam in his eyes, fondness painting his cheeks a light crimson. Knowing Aaron, he would blame the setting sun filtering into the airplane for it if Robert pointed it out so he doesn’t say anything, but commits it to memory.
+++
Robert always forgets how much he hates hospitals until he has to visit one again. He’s tense like he’s never been before, feels like his skin is too tight and he can’t sit still while they’re waiting for news on how Jack is doing.
He checks his watch every minute, time passing both slower than he’d want it to and quicker than he expects. He feels every second that passes in the start white waiting room but at the same time he doesn’t remember the last hour they’ve been there.
Closing his eyes, he once again wishes Aaron was there, but he’s not so Robert opens his eyes again and look at the faces of his family, Vic’s read eyes, the lines of worry on Andy’s forehead and Diane’s shaking hands. They’re his family but he feels miles away from each of them.
Robert’s head snaps us when the door opens and a doctor walks in, expression indecipherable. He stops in front of Robert and quickly meets the looks of the others as well.
“I’m sorry. There was nothing we could do.”
Blood rushes through his ears. He feels like he’s under water, pressure building everywhere around him, his feet losing their grip on the ground.
“He’s-?”
“I’m sorry.”
Robert feels coldness spread all over his skin, coldness that seeps into his body, freezing him and his muscles. He just about manages to give the doctor a nod and a thank you before he turns around, facing the wall behind him, sight blurrying. He only lasts for a second before he feels someone touch his shoulder and he shrugs so violently, he doesn’t look back on who it was but runs and run until he finds a bathroom and locks himself in and tries to breathe. He closes his eyes and tries his hardest to stop himself from hyperventilating.
+++
The night air is cold, the sky clear of clouds, the stars visible above the city despite the light pollution that usually hides them. Robert barely notices it, barely feels it. The lights and shadows blur in front of his eyes, turning the city lights and the night sky into endless dark matter, sucking him in and not letting him go.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing on of the palace’s numerous balconies, losing track of time while his thoughts run in circles, chasing and screaming. It’s paralysing and shuts down his senses, disconnecting him from the outside world.
Robert doesn’t notice the lights turn on inside, doesn’t notice, the balcony door open, doesn’t hear footsteps approaching until there’s a warm hand on his shoulder and everything comes flooding in. He feels his eyes widen, goosebumps jumping out of his skin as he snaps his head around. It takes him a moment to recognise Aaron in the light that’s slipping onto the balcony through the windows of their bedroom.
Aaron lifts a hand and cups Robert’s cheek, his eyebrows raising in what seems to be surprise but Robert can’t figure out why. It only takes a second for Aaron to move again. He stands behind Robert and the next thing Robert feels is a coat being draped over his shoulders. Aaron must have brought it with him when he saw where Robert was. It’s enough to break through the haze and Robert feels warm for the first time in hours. It’s the kind of warmth that makes him realise that he’s been cold in the first place. He shivers.
“How long have you been standing out here?”
Robert shrugs as an answer.
“Come back to bed.”
“Can’t sleep.”
“Then be awake inside where you can’t freeze to death at least.”
It’s clear that Aaron won’t take no for an answer because he’s pulling Robert inside by his wrist. The warm air that greets Robert hits him like a million needles and he gets why Aaron was so concerned. He realizes how cold his skin is and his feet are so cold they feel like genuine blocks of ice. Aaron urges him into the bed, stops him when he wants to take off the coat beforehand, and Robert has no energy to disagree with him. They get settled in bed, facing each other, lights on in the middle of the night, as Aaron rubs warmth back into Robert’s arms.
It scares him how much he has to shiver in the beginning, but slowly he thaws. Aaron is watching him the entire time and to Robert it feels like a safety net. He’ll be fine with Aaron here. He slides closer and kisses him, lips hot and soft.
“Talk to me,” Aaron says after a moment.
“Nothing to say, is there?”
“I know that’s not true.”
Robert meets Aaron’s gaze, honest and worried, and he looks away again, unable to bear it. Aaron squeezes Robert’s finger between his before speaking.
“I love you,” he says, leaning his forehead against Robert’s.
Robert feels the pinpricks of tears build. Squeezing his eyes shut, he listens to Aaron’s breathing and tries to match his own with it.
“You alright?” Aaron asks.
“I always thought he’d retire. See me becoming King. Maybe even make him proud. Finally.” Robert opens his eyes and looks at Aaron. “I didn’t think life would get in the way.”
Aaron is quiet for a moment before he wraps his arms around Robert’s shoulders and presses him closer. Robert scoots closer as well, tucks his face against Aaron’s neck and closes his eyes.
+++
Leyla hugs him tightly the next time she sees him and Robert appreciates it more than he did the endless and repetitive condolences his family has received over the course of the last two days. It feels a lot longer than that though.
“Sit down,” Leyla says, pointing to the chair Robert always sits in when he visits her in her office. She sits down next to him instead of across.
Robert is about to protest when Leyla gives him a sympathetic look, then grabs her diary, and she starts speaking about his schedule as if was just any normal day. He appreciates the normalcy so much, he almost hugs her again.
“When we’re done here we’re meeting Megan and Frank but afterwards your day is free.”
“Have they –“ Robert clears his throat, straightens in his seat. “Have they started planning the funeral yet?”
Leyla pauses before answering. “Yes, they have. There are certain formalities that a part of a royal funeral they already organised since there’s no way around it. The other things they need your approval on though, so they asked me to get you.”
“What about Andy and Vic?”
“You’re the next in line, Robert. I guess you can consider their opinions but it’s your decision.”
He nods and Leyla smiles at him tentatively.
“There already are some plans for your coronation in place since the law says the new king has to be crowned three months after the funeral, just so you know. We still have time for that though.”
Even though his whole life has been leading up to him becoming king the reality of it still feels surreal. He’s more thank glad that Leyla is already getting out of her chair and walking towards to door.
+++
The room of ceremonies is as quiet as Robert has never experience before as he walks through the isle in the middle and towards the dais in the front. The room is filled to the brim with guests of the royal court who all came to watch Robert become the next King of Emmerdale.
Robert walks up the first two steps then kneels on the pillow that is lying on the third step and looks up at Prime Minister Finch, dressed in the traditional clothes of the head of the Royal Council, next to her a golden stool with the crown sitting on top of it. He’s hyperaware of it in a way that he didn’t expect.
“Welcome everybody. I here present unto you Robert, your undoubted King. Wherefore all you who are come this day to do your homage and service, are you willing to do the same?”
It is the traditional opening to a coronation and Robert listens as various representatives from the public acclaim their sovereign and pledge their allegiance. Then it’s Robert’s turn to do so.
“Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of Emmerdale according to the country’s laws and customs?” Harriet says, her voice echoing around the room.
“I solemnly promise so to do,” Robert replies and bows his head.
“Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgments?”
“I will.”
“Will you to the utmost of your power maintain everything that makes our kingdom unique? Will you to the utmost of your power preserve the doctrine, worship, discipline, and government of Emmerdale as by law established?”
“All this I promise to do. The things which I have here before promised, I will perform, and keep. So help me God.“
Harriet smiles at him, then lifts the crown high above her head, clear for everybody to see.
“Now shall start the days of King Robert. May they be peaceful.”
She slowly lowers the crown onto Robert’s head and it lies heavily. He breathes out slowly before he stands up. He wants to hit pause on everything so he has enough time to process it but he knows that he’s in a room full of expectant people and he won’t have time to stop until tonight when he’s in bed.
Harriet looks at him questioningly so Robert nods as subtly as possible.
“All rise for His Royal Majesty, Robert Jacob II.”
Robert turns around slowly, feels the way his gown follows him, hears the sound of every guest in the room standing up, sees every face stare back at him, expectant and intrigued.
“As your King I stand before you, but this day does not belong only to me. It belongs to us all. Let us move forward together and share the days of peace and wealth.”
The people erupt into enthusiastic applause and it somehow eases the knot in Robert’s chest. He takes yet another deep breath, then descends from the dais down the steps. And through the isle he came from. Suddenly, Aaron is next to him and Robert has no idea where he’s been standing during the ceremony but he’s more than glad he’s there. Robert knows his hands are still cold and clammy but Aaron only grips him tighter. Together they walk out of the hall of ceremonies and back to the atrium of the palace.
“How are you feeling, Your Majesty?” Aaron asks, leaning closer to Robert so they don’t get overheard.
“Good now you’re here, Your Majesty.”
“Are people going to call me that now too?”
“Yeah. It’s either Lord or Majesty for you.”
Aaron scowled. “I think I regret getting married to you after all.”
“You’re married to the most powerful man in the country now surely your title shouldn’t matter after today.“
“Well, I am going to have to listen to people call me that for the rest of my life, aren’t I?”
“So you are planning on sticking around then?” Robert asks.
They come to a stop in front of the doors of the big balcony above the main entrance of the palace. Robert is supposed to greet his subjects and the people want to meet their new king.
Aaron smiles sheepishly at him. “I guess I will. Don’t really have anything else going on right now.”
Robert laughs and meets Aaron’s lips for a brief kiss.
“Ready to be king?” Aaron asks, his hand on the door handle.
“Ready.”