Work Text:
“Myungsoo, get someone to move that table to this side.” Sunggyu hears a voice commands.
A boy scurries across the aisle with banners on one hand and a box of microphones on the other, almost tripping on the slithers of electrical wires on the floor. Sunggyu almost felt pity for the boy. He fans himself with the worksheets he has in his hands, loosening his necktie. Even the air conditioning is weakened by the intolerable heat wave from outside. There’s just so much going on he could feel himself being weighed down by all the work he has this week. He just has to get through this weekend, he assures himself. You got this, Sunggyu.
“Can I know which one of you is Lee Sungyeol?” Sunggyu speaks up, loud enough that everyone in the hall can hear him. A tall figure walks towards him, he supposes, is the person he’s looking for.
“That would be me.” Sungyeol stops in front of him. Sunggyu recognizes him as the guy who barraged orders just now, now standing with a smile in place of the stoic expression he had on just a few minutes ago.
“I’m Kim Sunggyu, executive producer. I look forward to working with you for this event.” Sunggyu extends a hand, eager to be done with the casual formalities.
“I didn’t know they would send an executive producer for this.” Sungyeol stares at Sunggyu in disbelief.
Sunggyu sighs. “An assistant who was supposed to be in charge of handling this event quit two days ago, and we have yet to find a replacement. The director suggested that I handle it instead, so here I am.” He hears a chuckle from Sungyeol. He doesn’t know what is it that’s so funny, but he stays silent.
“I see. Then, shall we get to business?”
-
“I think we should put another speaker here, and another spotlight maybe there.” Sunggyu points his index finger towards the direction he proposed.
Sungyeol nods, scribbling something on a notebook he always carries around.
“One more of those microphones here, since the director will also be on stage during the press conference right before the premiere.” Sunggyu adds.
“You know, there’s a joke going around saying that the director loves himself so much that he named his debut movie after his name. Hoya. Hiya.” Sungyeol then laughs, as if it’s the funniest joke he’s heard in years. Sunggyu couldn’t help but smile.
“Now you’re smiling.” Sunggyu stills at the remark. “You don’t smile that often, but it’s nice seeing you smile like this.” Sungyeol steadily adds.
Sunggyu notices the twinkle in Sungyeol’s eyes, as if he finds Sunggyu interesting, his gaze Sunggyu finds almost whimsical.
“The joke was funny.” Sunggyu replied simply. His lips thinned, forcing himself to look elsewhere.
“Apparently not enough to make you laugh.” And Sunggyu pretends he didn’t hear.
-
The next morning, Sunggyu enters his office to find a fresh cup of coffee placed on his desk. He recognizes the pattern on the plastic cup to be the one from the cup coffee machine they have in the third floor. Then, he notices a small Post-It adhered onto the side.
“You look cute when you smile like that.” Signed by anonymous. Sunggyu is flattered, he’ll admit to that. He has never had anyone telling him he’s cute before. He wonders about who it could be for about half a day before the thought fades away
And the following, again, the same cup of coffee placed on his desk. This time, it wrote, “You look cute when you’re acting all serious too.”
By the third day, Sunggyu notices the knowing smiles, the mischief in Sungyeol’s eyes.
“Please tell me you at least drank the coffee I gave you.” Sungyeol huffed, adoration in his eyes when Sunggyu decided to approach him about it. Visible hope. Sunggyu sees all that but he doesn’t think it’d be that easy for him to open up. For him to like someone. Liking someone has never been easy for Sunggyu. He thinks of trust. How trusting someone has never been easy for him.
-
Everything move slowly on Thursday. Sunggyu feels the stress increasing. The heat outside doesn’t help either, despite the cool air conditioning in the hall. Sunggyu has lost count of how many times he’s yawned within the past ten minutes. Only being conscious about it after he hears a chuckle from Sungyeol.
“Do you want to go and get ourselves coffee?” Sungyeol offers.
Sunggyu decides he definitely could use a cup of it right now. He stands and they took the elevator to the third floor, where the cup coffee machine is.
“What’s your dream? Your real dream? Or do you like what you’re doing now?” Sungyeol spoke as they sip on their coffee. Sunggyu is actually surprised to find the seriousness in his question.
He thinks for a moment before answering, “Technically not this, as in not the work I’m in charge of right now but in general as an executive producer? Yeah, I like what I do.” He looks over to Sungyeol, looking for any kind of reaction from the other.
“That’s nice.” He pauses, Sunggyu feels content. Later, he adds, “I like to think that having a career doing what we like is honestly one of the most under appreciated blessing, don’t you think so?” Sungyeol leans on the wall behind them, looks at Sunggyu as if he’s expecting an answer. Sunggyu simply hums, feeling the weight of the stare too much for him to bear.
“What about you? Do you like what you do?” Sunggyu decides to return the question. Maybe he just wants to fill the silence, maybe he sincerely wants to know. He’s not so sure but he waits for an answer.
“Not particularly.” Sungyeol pauses. Sunggyu waits.
"Do you ever feel like you're wasting your life away by not living?" He continues after some time.
Sunggyu is silent. He lets his thoughts wander. Sure, he's never been the kind to lust for adventures and the like of it. But he does feel stagnant at times, too unmoving. He doesn't mind sticking to a routine but he has those moments where it made him think if he's actually making the most out of living.
He opts for, "Depends on what living means to you."
Sungyeol laughs, not the content or teasing laugh he always lets out, the dry kind this time. It took Sunggyu by surprise that he managed to notice the difference.
"That's a smart answer." They both sip on their coffee, letting the silence fill in.
Sunggyu looks at Sungyeol, not thinking he could be any but of jokes and silly remarks. But here he is, standing next to him, all genuine thoughts and mature smiles.
-
They meet outside of the event hall for the first time. Sungyeol insisted on buying Sunggyu a cup of coffee, and Sunggyu lets him. This time, proper coffee. No cheap paper cups, no cute notes scribbled on pink Post-Its. But Sungyeol showcases his genuine smiles throughout the day, those showing gums. Sunggyu tries his best not to do the same.
It’s two days before the premiere. They discuss spaces and seating arrangements. After an hour or so, the plan is complete. Sunggyu stays in his seat, unsure of what to say.
“Hyung.” Sunggyu looks up, confused. Sungyeol chuckles, “Since our work is done, you’re no longer executive producer.” Sunggyu wishes Sungyeol wouldn’t notice how hot his face gets. Sungyeol suggests a place for dinner and Sunggyu agrees.
-
It was the night after the premiere.
Sunggyu feels Sungyeol’s touches roaming all over his body. Desperate. More impatient jerks and rough kisses. His vision is hazed. They’re both too drunk and his mind can’t make out anything except that he wants this. He wants Sungyeol.
So, he fights back with the same measured amount of enthusiasm. He kisses back with the exact level of lust and desire. Their teeth clash and he can feel Sungyeol’s clawing on his back and in normal circumstances, Sunggyu wouldn’t like sex to be this rough. But it’s Sungyeol and Sungyeol makes his head cloudy, so he stops thinking and allows his body to drown in immense pleasure.
-
“I like you.” Sungyeol says, again and again. Almost everyday.
For a short moment, Sunggyu is elated. Rest and reassured. He doesn’t doubt the other. He doesn’t think he needs more.
-
Sunggyu wakes up in the middle of the night, heavy arm resting on his waist. He hears Sungyeol’s calm breathing, puts a rhythm to the still of the night. They’re at Sungyeol’s apartment. It’s not his first time, but everything feels so foreign to him still.
From the light shining in through the cracks of the curtain, Sunggyu can see the entire room. He sees pieces of Lego laying on the floor along with several completed models in one side. Sungyeol has always been playful, he knows that. He remembers when Sungyeol was so obsessed with collecting Lego models at one point. His eyes shift to the other side of the room, now filled with different models of remote-controlled car toys. He remembers how quick it was for Sungyeol to give up his Lego obsession for the new toys.
An evocative thought creeps in his mind, but it’s 3 am and Sunggyu doesn’t let it linger. He yawns and closes his eyes, ready to drift back into his sleep.
-
Sunggyu knocks on Sungyeol’s door a few times. He gave up after a couple more tries, and lifts a flower pot to get the key to the front door. Sungyeol had told him earlier about the emergency key. He unlocks the door and goes inside only to find that the house is empty. Sunggyu tries to call him again. Sungyeol hasn’t been picking up his calls or replying to his texts all night. His call gets directed into the voicemail box again so, he decides to just wait for Sungyeol to come back home. He almost panicked at the thought that something bad might have happened to Sungyeol.
At a quarter past three, Sunggyu is awaken from his sleep at the sound of Sungyeol entering the house. “Sungyeol?” he calls, as he reaches for the light switch to turn on the lights.
“Hyung.” He says, steps unstable. “What are you doing here?” He stumbles forward but Sunggyu was quick to catch him.
“You weren’t picking up my calls, so I got worried. Where have you been?” Sunggyu tries not to grimace at the smell of alcohol and sweat.
“Oh, I was at the club with my friends. Sorry.” Sungyeol slurs his speech, while making himself comfortable on the couch.
Sunggyu is confused. Sungyeol would always tell him first whenever he’s going out. But he only watches as Sungyeol yawns and falls asleep on the couch within a fraction of minutes.
The next morning, Sunggyu makes him soup to cure the hangover. As Sungyeol eats, Sunggyu asks, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out last night? Which friend did you go with?”
Sungyeol takes another spoonful and shoves it into his mouth. “Ah, you wouldn’t know.”
Sunggyu stays silent after that, but it remains heavy on his mind. He thinks of how Sungyeol knows almost all of his friends, of how eager he is to introduce Sungyeol to his friends, and of Sungyeol’s answer and just how unfair that is.
-
He doesn’t probe but it bothers him. It bothers Sunggyu to not know the answers to his curiosities. It bothers him that Sungyeol finds the need to hide something from him when he’s willing to uncover himself bare. Because when he’s left to imagine, his mind begins to wonder the worst possibilities. Makes him hate himself for not able to trust anyone.
After a while, he starts thinking that maybe it’s himself he doesn’t trust. That he doesn’t trust himself to be able to keep the people he loves. To not tire them and make them walk away.
It hurts realizing.
-
“How was your day?” Sunggyu asks at dinner. “Fine. Nothing much.” Sungyeol answered without lifting his head. Sunggyu notices the tired eyes, the annoyance in his tone. None of the adoration he thought he was used to seeing.
That was the start of him questioning what he did wrong.
Because when he loves, he loves too much. Almost ridiculous how there is no in between with Sunggyu. Brings the whole of a hurricane in by himself.
He knows just how intensely he loves. And if Sungyeol couldn’t handle the intensity given, then Sunggyu doesn’t see the point of them being together anymore.
It’s like they’re going by a routine just because they’re too used to doing it. A mechanical misguide.
Sunggyu feels trapped. He had laid his trust bare and allowed himself to love; to be at his weakest. To be tragically fragile in front of the wrong person.
-
“Let’s break up. I don’t want this anymore, neither do you.” Sunggyu voices out one day. He believes they had reached their limit.
“Hyung.” Sungyeol speaks.
“Yeol, we both know nothing is going fine anymore.” Silence fill the room with both of them looking at their feet. Neither wants to face the other. Sunggyu thinks he hears the rain outside. An addition to their own dramatic play.
“So, is it my fault?” Sungyeol speaks after a while.
Sunggyu shakes his head. “We’re probably just past our expiration time.”
He hears Sungyeol sighs. “Maybe we can work this out.”
Sunggyu goes back to looking at his feet, he thinks it’s more convenient that way. “I don’t think we can fix this.” Sungyeol sighs again. “If you say so.”
Sunggyu was possibly hoping that Sungyeol would stop him. Tell him that nothing is wrong and that they’re going to be fine. That he was going to stay and fight for them. It was all useless hoping though.
-
Sunggyu wonders why he didn’t notice it earlier. Of the shifting in Sungyeol’s eyes. The way they never stayed on him. Or the way concern was absent in his gaze.
It took him courage to open up to Sungyeol. Sungyeol, with all the awkward hugs and wrong angled kisses. Persistence and desperation loud in his voice. Curious flicker burning in his eyes.
“Hyung, I promise I’ll be here forever. You can count on me.” Sunggyu recalls.
Sunggyu wonders, somewhere along the lines, where their definitions of forever had changed.
“I’ve always liked you from the first. The way you never let people knock down your wall. You got me curious.” Sungyeol’s voice resounding again and again in his head. He should’ve noticed it earlier.
-
Sunggyu hears loud thumping on the front door, grunting before pulling the covers over his head. The noise doesn’t stop so he drags himself to the front door to unlock it. He watches Hoya’s angry expression as Hoya pushes through the front door and huffed with both arms crossed as if he’s waiting for an explanation.
Sunggyu grunts angrily, “I’m fine, so you can go. Now, leave me alone so I can sleep.”
Hoya, sounding as mad as he looks, replied, “Oh yeah? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You’re fine? Heck if you are, if you’ve been missing work for almost a month now.”
Sunggyu keeps quiet after that. He doesn’t know what to say. He watches silently as Hoya moves about in the kitchen, making him rice and some soup. He knows he should snap out of this soon so he promises to himself. He’ll go to work tomorrow.
-
Sunggyu stands in the middle of the rooftop of a building, a silver metal bin with flames burning in it. Enough to keep him warm in the cold weather. He feels empty, but he’s no longer hurting. He’s decided that Sungyeol was a lesson, nothing more and nothing less. He kept one photo in his hand and threw the rest in the metal bin. Sunggyu thinks he’ll keep that one, for the sake of memories and time wasted.
-
A year later, Sunggyu joins Hoya for a new project. Hoya calls him one morning, announcing their meeting with the screenwriter. Sunggyu doesn’t question.
They meet at a quiet cafe on Friday. Sunggyu thinks it’s ridiculous for Hoya to dress up nicer than usual, but he thought better of it and decides to keep the thought to himself.
“Nam Woohyun.” The man introduces. A dulcet tone to his voice.
“Kim Sunggyu.” He responds.
Woohyun then smiles, and Sunggyu finds his smile a tad bit too sweet. Only that weekend, Sunggyu realizes that Woohyun’s smile also stayed on his mind a tad bit too long.
-
Another meeting in another quiet coffee shop. This time, though, just the two of them. Hoya couldn’t make it and pestered Sunggyu to go in his place. Only to sign a simple agreement, Hoya assures him that. He didn’t think he needed it though because he doesn’t mind seeing Woohyun. Woohyun and all of his sweet smiles.
The bell at the top side of the door chimes as Sunggyu pushes through. He spots Woohyun easily, fluffy blonde hair, earth colored coat, and a smile. Bright enough to make sun spots dance around the room.
“Honestly, what’s with you and secluded coffee shops?” Sunggyu asks as he pulls out a chair to sit. He thinks it’s a bit too early for him to ask something so casual but it’s Woohyun and he feels comfortable enough.
“Why? Does it make you crazy at how mysterious and attractive I am?” Woohyun challenges.
Sunggyu pretends to not see the mischievous glint in Woohyun’s eyes. He pretends to not feel this attraction Woohyun speaks of.
“No. It’s just annoying having to walk around a few times before finally discovering these places since it’s too secluded just because some artsy person thinks it’s mysterious to have a formal meeting in a place like this.” Sunggyu ends his sentence, both lips pursed tightly. He realizes he might have gone too far this time. Woohyun only laughs.
“So, you do think I’m artsy? Or did you mean I’m the art?” Woohyun laughs again when he hears Sunggyu groans.
After four hours of just talking and speaking their minds on random topics, they decided they should head back. As he is walking back, Sunggyu couldn’t help but feel it was more of a date rather than a business meeting.
They got the agreement signed and sealed in the first fifteen minutes.
-
It rains heavily on Monday. The first shooting had to be canceled due to bad weather, Sunggyu hears frustrated groans all around him. It’s understandable, he thinks. Everyone starts to leave the site after Hoya announced the cancellation. Sunggyu is ready to leave when Woohyun comes up to him and offers dinner.
They eat at a Chinese restaurant Woohyun had suggested.
“It’s after work hours, do you mind me calling you hyung?” Woohyun speaks up as they wait for the food they ordered.
Sunggyu shifts in his seat, this feels all too familiar.
“If you’re not comfortable with it, it’s fine. It really is.” Woohyun adds. Sunggyu looks up, something he’s not used to, he thinks. But then he says, “You can. I mean, I’m fine with it.”
Woohyun beams, Sunggyu almost finds himself chuckling at the sight.
They talk while they wait. They continue even after their food arrives. Sunggyu thinks it’s amazing how Woohyun is able to keep finding topics for them to talk about. Especially when Sunggyu has no talent in keeping a conversation going. And in between, Woohyun would ask. “Is the food alright for you?”
Sunggyu can’t help but smile, “Yes, they’re actually really good.”
“I’m glad you liked it! It’s my favorite Chinese restaurant. Just tell me if there’s anything else you need.” Sunggyu only nods. Woohyun is gentle. A little narcissistic at times, but he’s kind. Kind and considerate. Sunggyu sees it.
-
Sunggyu feels Woohyun’s gaze on him. Burning. Every time they’re shooting a scene. He pretends not to feel the weight of his stare on him. He pretends not to see Woohyun undressing him with his eyes. He’d be blind if he didn’t see it but he pretends not to instead. He knows it all too well now, what and when to avoid. He also sees himself falling and didn’t like where it was going. So, he pretends.
And they would bicker during breaks. Woohyun would tease him every now and then. And each time, his gaze will be locked onto Sunggyu’s. A contradiction in itself, of how intense Woohyun’s gazes are and just how light his jokes are. Sunggyu knows it all, the attraction too much for him to bear.
-
Woohyun’s kisses are gentle. Almost too gentle that Sunggyu finds it suffocating. He thinks he’s not used to the languid kisses and ardent touches. It burns him. Sets his insides on fire. As if he could break any moment, as if he’s something Woohyun doesn’t want to let go. And it overwhelms him, overpowers his thinking.
But then, Woohyun shifts with one knee pressed against his crotch and Sunggyu stops thinking at all.
-
Sunggyu stops contacting Woohyun after that. He figures he didn’t need to, treating that night as one of his one night stands.
Woohyun finds Sunggyu three days later, hurt apparent in his voice.
“I didn’t kiss you that night just to have a one night stand.” Woohyun speaks. Sunggyu doesn’t know how to react to that. He plays with a lint on his sweater.
“Hyung.” Woohyun speaks again.
“Yeah?” Sunggyu dares himself to look up.
“Will you give us a chance?” Woohyun’s gaze is so intense that Sunggyu finds himself back to pulling at the lint on his sweater.
-
It’s too bright, he thinks. Sunggyu looks out the window, at the moonlight casting down and peeking through the cracks behind the curtain.
“Hyung, I’ll promise you forever.” Forever. It sounds all too familiar to Sunggyu. He sees the same twinkle with the exact amount of desperation in Woohyun’s eyes.
“I’m not a fan of forever.” Sunggyu pauses. “What else?” He challenges.
“If you don’t like forever, I promise to be around for a very, very long time.” That’s a good way to put it, Sunggyu thinks. He lets Woohyun’s thumb rub circles to the back of his hand. It’s strangely comforting.
Woohyun continues when Sunggyu doesn’t respond. “Hyung, I’ll promise you the light of the universe. The stars and the moon.” Sunggyu only hums. “I’ll promise you the sun and every level of its brilliance.” Sunggyu thinks it’s because Woohyun is a writer that he speaks so well.
“Promises can be broken easily, Woohyun. You don’t promise things you can’t keep.” Sunggyu exhales, enough hurt in his voice for Woohyun to keep his silence.
-
“Hyung, tell me about the things you can only dream about. Or a more realistic bucket list that you have.” Sunggyu finds it amusing how direct and random Woohyun can be. It feels as if he’s trying to learn what every folds and every nook and cranny of what’s there on Sunggyu’s mind.
“What’s there to it?” Sunggyu shrugs.
“Hyung, I want to know about those dreams that live in your brain, those thoughts you keep hidden.” Woohyun adds.
Sunggyu is flattered, in a way. And he tells. Sunggyu thinks it comes easily with Woohyun. Comes easily as comfort.
-
Woohyun repeats the whole cycle. Sunggyu doesn’t think he could take it this time too.
“You can’t get to the stars, Woohyun. Both the moon and the sun trapped outside any of our control. It’s just unreal.” Sunggyu says one night as Woohyun repeats the same promise over and over again.
“I know, but I’d give you the galaxy if I could.” Woohyun says, softly. Just enough for Sunggyu to catch every word, but not enough for him grasp the hurt silently clinging onto every word.
“Woohyun.”
“I’ll promise you the hidden chaos and all the truths buried under. I’ll promise you every needed comfort and every kinds of solace. I’ll promise you every layers of Nam Woohyun.” Woohyun says, like a rehearsed line, again and again.
Sunggyu doesn’t respond. He hears his heart beating an increased pace. He’s scared.
“I know you’re scared, hyung.” Woohyun pauses. “But if I promise to myself the same promise, would you believe me?” Sunggyu hears the tremble in Woohyun’s voice.
Sunggyu is silent.
“I’m here to stay whether you like it or not. I can’t promise that I’ll never be tired or sick of dealing with you, but I can promise you that I’ll stay even after all that. I’ll stay to keep finding new things about you. I’ll stay to keep wondering those thoughts that live in your brain. I’ll stay to keep knowing you better. I’ll stay through it all, hyung.” Woohyun inserts his fingers in between Sunggyu’s. Soft and delicate. If Sunggyu had known better, it almost feels like love. It was almost as fragile.
“Now, are you with me?” Sunggyu hears Woohyun propose.
He has no idea if they can last but he knows that however this is going to turn out, it’s going to be worth it. Because it’s Woohyun and Woohyun feels a lot like love to him.
-
He had missed the way their very own personal sky is spilling stars. And there he is, Woohyun. His Woohyun. Right at the center of his universe. And this time, him too. The both of them being the center of their own universe. Their very own.
And it’s real this time, very much real.
Sunggyu wonders why it took him too long to realize it.