Chapter Text
Look what the time has
Come to rewind with
Back to where we began
The autumn leaves have
Dropped to our knees
I don't think I can do it again
Lena has never particularly cared much for the holidays. In fact, she rather dreaded and detested them. She supposes that part of it stemmed from her dislike of the extravagant affairs that took place every year at the Luthor mansion, balls that made Lena feel like more of an outsider rather than a part of the family. Lex was always the one that made Christmas special. He was always the one to wake her on Christmas morning, before he inevitably tossed her over his shoulder, and rushed for the stairs. His excitement was contagious. She would laugh, giggling so hard that she couldn’t breathe, as he tickled her sides and rushed down the stairs - sometimes, two at a time - on Christmas morning. Every year, without fail, his gift would be the first one that she opened beneath the tree. And each year, his gift was more extravagant and over-the-top than the last. This continued on through much of Lena's adolescence, until the time inevitably came when Lena woke to an empty house on Christmas morning and discovered that there was nothing for her beneath the tree. That was the moment that Lena first realized she was losing her brother. And by the time she realized what was happening, it was been too late for her to do anything. Lex had already descended well into madness. She'd tried talking him out of whatever foolishness he had planned, but he wouldn't listen to her. He was so obsessed with stopping Superman that he would no longer listen to reason. He was determined to take him down, no matter the cost. She lost her brother that day. And Lena? Lena never quite recovered from that loss. Instead, she developed new notions of what the holiday meant. Christmas became like any other day – it became just another day for her to get through.
The holiday has taken on a much better light these last couple of years, now that Lena feels that she has things worth celebrating again, things like love, and friendship. She knows that she will never get excited by the holiday in the way that others do, but she tries. When she sees the excitement in Kara’s eyes as she greets her at the door on Christmas Eve, Kara’s childish excitement, and passion, and love, is more than enough for the both of them. It's enough for Lena. And the hug that Kara gives her? Well, let's just say that It might just make a believer out of Lena again.
They'd agreed not to go overboard on gifts this year, and so naturally Kara got her something small, heartfelt, and perfect. Lena had to blink back tears, as she felt her heart grow three sizes in her chest. And Lena, Lena got Kara a pair of beautiful earrings that she insisted didn't cost much at all, but actually cost her a small fortune. Part of her wasn't sure that Kara would ever wear them, but Kara surprised her and took them out of the box, immediately. She insisted on putting them on straightaway, as if to prove just how much she loved them. Lena felt her heartbeat thunder as she realized how beautiful they looked on Kara's ears.
Still, nothing can eclipse the bright, dazzling beauty that radiates from Kara's smiling face, as Kara asks her, "How do they look?"
Lena can't do more than stammer out an, "They - They're perfect. You look beautiful, Kara."
It isn't until much later, when Lena is thinking back on the last year, that she realizes that Kara had given her a gift that far surpassed her own. In fact, she'd given her the greatest gift of all - one that Lena hadn't even realized she'd been given until now. It was something that Lena wished Lex had understood all those years ago, but never quite grasped. The truth is, Lex could've bought her the whole world, and placed it beneath the tree. He could have given her every material object known to man, and it still wouldn't have mattered to her. No. What did matter to her, was having a home, a place where she felt safe. What mattered to her was having somebody who cared about her, and would be there for her no matter what. Because all Lena ever wanted was to feel valued. And Kara? Kara did that for her. Kara gave her a home, graciously, and willingly, without ever asking for a single thing in return. She opened her arms - and made Lena feel the ferocity of her embrace every time they hugged.
Since this particular revelation, Lena has tried to quantify that feeling somehow. She has struggled to come up with some a word to describe what Kara makes her feel every time they touch, and Lena reckons that it comes closest to belonging. Kara made her feel like she had a home, a shelter from a world that could by all means be very cruel. She made Lena feel cherished in a way that even Lena's own family had never been able to do. She valued Lena beyond measure. And Lena can feel her throat close up on her as she realizes that she doesn't know how she can ever repay that sort of unwavering kindness. Kara had been with her through thick and thin. She had been a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to laugh with (sometimes she laughed so hard that tears leaked from her eyes).
Lena can't help but think back to the night before, and the Christmas party that Lena thinks might have changed everything. She can remember feeling her chest fill with undeniable warmth that took on a life of it's own, as Kara talked about how grateful she was for her and Sam. She'd never quite felt something like it before. Sure, she'd felt butterflies take flight in her stomach. She'd felt a million things in Kara's presence but never anything so alarming. The realization that Lena was in love with her best-friend startled her, as she listened to Kara speak with such love and affection in her voice. Even now, Lena supposes that the whole conversation had seemed almost surreal. Kara's words had been nothing short of eloquent, as she spoke about how blessed she felt to have the both of them in her life. And Lena couldn't help but be floored by her best friend's sentiment. After all, Lena felt hope spark in her chest, making her feel more alive than she had in years. Because maybe...just maybe Kara loved her too.
Lena would like to think that she knows Kara better than just about anyone. But last night? Last night, Lena had felt like she was seeing a whole other side to her, one that Kara had always been careful not to show. One of the things that Lena had learned over the course of their friendship, was that Kara was always so open and welcoming when it came to accepting others, but she always withheld a part of herself. Her heart was a closely guarded thing, and Lena had never quite understood why. How could Kara be so forgiving, so kind towards others, while being so hard on herself? It was as if Kara were punishing herself for crimes that Lena wasn't aware she ever committed. Lena wants desperately to understand. She'd tried reaching out countless times, in just about every way that she could think to extend a hand, but Kara was scared to reach out and take it.
But last night something was different. It was as if Kara was opening up to her in a way that she never had before. And the truth is, Lena wanted more. She wanted all of it - she wanted all those pieces of Kara. She wanted to know everything. She wanted Kara to let her inside. Lena could tell that Kara had thought about what she was saying, a lot. In fact, Lena sensed that Kara was choosing her words carefully, as if she were afraid of possibly saying too much. But Lena knew that Kara meant every word. After all, she could see the plethora of emotions in Kara's beautiful blue eyes - eyes that were hidden beneath plain black frames that did nothing to conceal how absolutely gorgeous that Kara really was. Lena could remember fighting back tears at the sentiment, and the adoration that she saw in Kara's eyes, as she spoke directly to Lena and Sam.
Now, Lena silently wishes that she had been brave enough to tell Kara just how much she loved and appreciated her. But in the moment she had been too much of a coward. She had let her brain, and all of her biggest insecurities take rule over her heart. So instead Lena made light of the situation, pointing out that she wasn't wearing water-proof mascara. She'd reciprocated as much as her heart would allow, and silently hoped that it was enough. Kara took it as graciously as she always did, without asking anything more of Lena in return.
Little did Lena know, that this might be the last moment that she ever shared with her best friend, and the love of her life.
The winter winds can blow
But you and I both know
This doesn't have to end
On Christmas morning, everything is still and quiet, as it almost always is on Christmas. It’s a sharp contrast to the way that things were the night before, when sirens, and chaos, and panic filled the streets of National City. Lena remembers everything about the fight between Supergirl and the new villain that the papers were calling Reign - a villain named for the crown-like mask that she wore to shield her face. The truth is, Lena remembers everything about the haunting figure dressed in all black. She remembers how imposing the shadowed figure had looked as she towered over National City's greatest hero. But more than that, she remembers what it had been like to look the devil right in the eyes and see nothing but cold detachment and malevolence staring right back at her. Even now, hours later, Lena remembers every emotion that had coursed through her body, as she stood frozen in the middle of the street with James.
James had been a hero. He had tried to get people out of the way so that they wouldn't get hurt. And Lena? Lena just stood there, with her eyes fixated on the hero in the red cape, watching the fight transpire with a look of abject horror on her face.
At first, it had been hard for Lena to fully understand what she was seeing. After all, Lena hadn't been aware of the existence of another Superhero until the moment they had appeared. However, as the fight transpired, Lena quickly realized that she had been mistaken. The other figure that Supergirl was fighting, was anything but a hero. Despite what they had the potential to be, the figure in black brought nothing with them but death and destruction.
Supergirl had been in fight for her life, but even so, her first concern had been for the safety of the little girl and the others watching on the sidewalk. While on the other hand, the figure in black didn't seem to care who got caught up in the fight. They didn't seem to care who they killed. And that thought sent shivers rocketing up Lena's spine.
Now, in hindsight, Lena realizes this was likely Supergirl's downfall. Supergirl had cared too much. She had let herself get distracted, and it ultimately cost her.
As she sits hunched over on the edge of the couch, Lena remembers what it had been like to see the blonde heroine laid out on the concrete after a particularly gruesome blow. She remembers watching Supergirl struggle, as the hero tried to feebly push herself up off of the concrete and back onto her knees. It was at this point of the fight that Supergirl's movements had become disjointed, and Lena realizes that it was because Supergirl was trying to make sense of a world that no longer made any. Supergirl had suffered a concussion, or something equally as terrible, and the Superhero was at a severe disadvantage. From then on, the fight became extremely difficult for Lena to watch.
Lena had been forced to stand idly by and watch as her friend struggled and gasped for breath. Even now, hours later, Lena can't stop thinking about how Supergirl had taken just a little longer to get up, after getting knocked down each time. However, that isn't what haunts her the most. No. What haunted her most, were the sounds of pain that Supergirl couldn't quite choke back after each blow, as if Supergirl was in actual physical agony that destroyed her the most. Because she knows - Lena knows for a fact that Supergirl's pain tolerance is exceptional, and if Supergirl was in excruciating pain, then she was already on death's door.
Lena remembers watching her friend fight to draw breath into her lungs. She remembers watching Supergirl fight for her right to live. And this, this is what ultimately begins to destroy Lena from the inside out. Last night, she had sensed the degree to which Supergirl was suffering, and it didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair that Supergirl had had to bear the brunt of that suffering alone. Lena wishes more than anything that she had been able to intervene - that she had been able to help in some way, but she had been just as helpless as everyone else.
If I was not myself
And you were someone else
I'd say so much to you
And I would tell the truth
'Cause I can hardly breathe
Lena can't bear to close her eyes, because every time she does, she sees the blood cascading down the side of the heroine's face. She had never seen Supergirl bleed before. The truth is, that Lena couldn't imagine such a thing ever happening. She remembers feeling sick at the sight of it, as if she couldn't bear the thought of something happening to someone she desperately cared about. Sure, she'd seen plenty of people bleed in her lifetime, but never once had it elicited such a reaction in her before. And god... She can’t stop seeing the glassy sheen in Supergirl’s icy blue eyes – eyes that even now Lena is terrified that she actually recognized. Because it couldn’t be. No. Lena rebells against those thoughts, because they are traitorous and downright absurd. She would’ve known it if Kara was Supergirl. Surely, a genius like Lena would have figured it out a long time ago, if such a thing could ever be discerned by her friend’s unusual behavior. Kara had always been strange. That’s just who Kara is, Lena tries to tell herself. But another part of her can't let it go. It niggles at her thoughts, and slowly eats away at her. She's terrified of what it means if she's right, and Kara and Supergirl are in fact the very same. It would mean that she hadn't merely watched Supergirl get beaten half to death, but that she had been watching Kara fight for her life. Lena has to choke back her nausea as she dwells on that thought.
Catco, which on any given day is bustling with activity, is uncharacteristically quiet this morning, manned by a skeleton crew of those unfortunate enough to draw the short straw. Lena lets her head drop into her hands. She hasn’t slept. Every time that she had closed her eyes the night before, Supergirl’s lifeless body had been there taunting her, tormenting her endlessly. But now? Now the exhaustion was taking over, and Lena can't help but want to surrender to it. Still, she has a job to do. They have an important story to get out to the public – even if it is Christmas morning. And, hey, If there was ever a time when people needed the service that they had to offer, it was now.
If the news was anything to go by, the people of National City were just as terrified as Lena and needed to be reassured. They’d just watched the champion of Earth get her ass handed to her by some masked villain. So, no, Lena can't afford to let herself go to sleep right now, because Catco needs to be the one to put their minds at ease. She needs to be the one to speak to the citizens of National City - like the days of old when Cat's unwavering voice spoke to the hearts of millions, empowering and reassuring them.
Lena lifts her head from her hands as she hears her office door creak open. Her head swivels as she seeks to lay eyes on the unforeseen interloper, and Lena jumps up from her seat as she realizes that it’s Alex hovering in her doorway. She looks torn and indecisive in a way that seems completely out of character for her. Lena hastily straightens, and walks towards her, a woman that she’s come to see as a friend these last couple of months. Lena swallows over the sudden lump in her throat as she realizes that Alex looks exhausted beyond belief. Lena wasn’t the only one to have a sleepless night, it seemed. Then, Lena remembers. Alex had been there last night. In fact, she had been one of the first people on the scene after Supergirl’s fall from the top of the skyscraper. Alex had probably been with Supergirl all night.
“Alex,” Lena's voice is gentle as she speaks for the first time. It's as if she's afraid of startling Alex. She tries to keep her voice friendly as she asks, “Hey, what are you doing here?" Then, in rapid succession, she can't help but add, "How is Supergirl?"
"Supergirl?" Alex looks momentarily lost. She's confused in a way that tells Lena that she's not entirely present. Her mind is elsewhere.
"I was there last night," Lena reminds her, "You were one of the first ones on the scene. How is she?"
“Uh, she’s-” Alex’s voice cracks harshly as she tries to speak, and Lena suddenly realizes that it’s because Alex is crying. This alarms Lena more than she cares to admit, mainly because she's never seen Alex in a such a state before. In fact, Alex is one of the strongest women that she knows, so it terrifies her that Alex is breaking before her now. Lena stares as Alex reaches up to wipe away at her tears with her free hand. It’s then that Lena notices the the box that Alex is holding against her torso, with her other hand.
“Alex?” Lena tries again. Her expression morphs into one of worry, as she meets Alex's expressive brown eyes. Lena swallows thickly as she realizes that she sees nothing but devastation in their depths. Lena suddenly knows that this is not going to be an easy conversation.
When your hands let go of me
The ice is thinning out
And my feet brace themselves
“Take a seat, Lena,” Alex instructs her in as steady a voice as she can manage. Lena watches as she walks over, and sinks down onto the couch. Her posture wilts just a little bit due to her exhaustion. “You should probably be sitting down for this.” Lena tentatively lowers herself down onto the sofa next to her, watching as Alex carefully sets the box down onto the coffee table in front of them, as if something breakable and precious is inside.
“What’s going on?” Lena presses, as she reaches out and squeezes Alex's knee in an attempt to offer her comfort. Lena is aware of how Alex's gaze becomes fixated on her hand, and Lena quickly pulls it away, afraid that she's overstepped. She and Kara have always been so tactile with one another, that it's hard for Lena to remember that most people don't like being touched. "Alex, hey, you can talk to me. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"
“She would have wanted you to be the first to know,” Alex says finally, as she looks up and meets Lena's gaze. It's then that everything in Lena goes cold.
“I’m afraid that I don’t know what you mean,” Lena tells her calmly, but she really does. Lena feels all of her worst fears come to some nightmarish realization. She suddenly feels oddly detached from it all. It's as if she's watching all of this happen from outside of her own body. It's a coping mechanism of hers. She wants to pretend that she doesn't know, but the truth is, she actually does. She knows exactly what Alex is trying to say. And that? That terrifies her more than anything. Inside, Lena is already falling apart. It feels like her whole world has just been shattered.
“She fought as hard as she could,” Alex breathes in a quiet voice. Lena watches the muscles in Alex's neck bob, as she swallows, “We talked right before the fight, so I know that she gave it everything she had, but it – it wasn’t enough. I’m so sorry, Lena, but it wasn’t… it wasn’t enough.”
“No,” Lena denies it. She denies this truth, because Supergirl can’t be dead. There’s just no way. “No, you’re lying. This is Supergirl we're talking about. She’s nearly invulnerable. She can’t die.”
“Lena,” Alex's voice breaks on the word, and Lena, acting on instinct, pulls the other woman into her arms, wrapping her arms around Alex as tightly as she can. She feels Alex bury her face in her blazer, and hears the harsh discordant sobs that pass through the fabric as Alex falls apart. Everything in Lena rebels at this. She doesn't want to believe that any of this is happening. But it is. This is reality, and Lena doesn't know what to do. How is she supposed to survive this painful agony that is tearing its way through her very being?
I'm there in the water
Still looking for ya
I'm there in the water
Can't you see, can't you see?
“Oh, Alex,” Lena soothes as she holds onto her, rocking her gently back and forth on the couch as Alex continues sobbing into her neck, "Shh. It's okay. I've got you. I've got you, okay? Just let it out. I'm here for you." She can feel Alex quaking in her arms, can feel the brunette’s body physically rending itself apart with each sob, and it breaks her own heart. She knows it can only mean one thing. Alex is telling the truth. Supergirl didn’t make it. Kara didn’t make it.
“We worked on her all night. We did everything that we could, but we lost her, Lena,” Alex says brokenly. Now that Lena can see Alex up close, she can see the red in Alex’s eyes. These were not the first tears that Alex Danvers has shed over this, but perhaps they were the most Alex had allowed herself to shed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Are you - Are you saying what I think you're saying? Kara is-“ Lena can’t even trust her own voice to speak. Alex gently pulls away in order to look into Lena's eyes. She knows, at the very least, that Lena deserves that much from her. The second that Alex meets her eyes, Lena already knows. Kara is gone. The love of her life is gone from this world, and there's absolutely nothing that Lena can do about it.
“She wanted to tell you. She really did,” Alex interrupts her, “There were so many times that she almost told you everything, but I always talked her out of it. I convinced her that you would be safer if she kept it from you."
"Safe?" Lena spits the word, as anger flares in her chest, trying to drown out her heartbreak. "Are you kidding me right now, Alex?"
"No," Alex swallows.
"I had a right to know!" Lena cries out. "She was my best friend! No, that's not right. She's the woman I-" Lena's next word is choked off, as a sob tears its way free from her throat.
"She loved you, Lena," Alex tells her in a broken voice. "And by that I mean she really really loved you. She would've given anything to keep you safe, even if it meant that she had to lie to you to do it. I know you're upset, and the truth is that you have every right to be. I shouldn't have meddled. I shouldn't have stopped her from telling you, because you're right, you deserved to know the truth. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I know that doesn't mean a lot right now, but I hope... I hope that maybe someday you can forgive me.”
“I loved her, too,” Lena speaks, her voice sounding more broken than it has ever sounded before. “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore, now does it? Cause she’s gone.”
“Of course it matters,” Alex says almost angrily. “She loved you, Lena. My sister loved you, and that matters to me. And I know that it sure as hell mattered to her too.”
“She left me here!” Lena shouts angrily, with white-hot tears burning in her eyes. “She left me here, alone! She promised that she would always be here to protect me – she promised that she wasn't going anywhere, and then she left me, Alex!”
“Lena,” Alex sighs, and shakes her head in sadness. “You’re not alone, okay? I promise. I’m promising you right now that you will never ever be alone, because you have me now, okay?”
“I’m sorry,” Lena breathes, “I’m sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. It’s just – I am so so angry, Alex. God! Do we even know anything about the woman who killed her?”
“She’s Kryptonian,” Alex swallows, “Kara didn’t even know who she was at first, but we recently figured out who she is. She was created in a lab on Krypton. She’s a world-killer who dispatches justice as she sees fit. The prophecies are dim, Lena, I’m not going to lie. There are very dark days ahead for us all. And now that Kara is gone, we don't have anyone to stop her.”
"How?" Lena asks tearfully, "I still don't understand how she lost, Alex. Kara - Supergirl is the strongest person on planet. She's stronger than Superman, even. So how - how could she have lost?"
“Reign was a lot stronger than Kara,” Alex informs her, “Superior in every way. The truth is, her powers were off the charts. I'm sorry to tell you this, but Kara – Kara didn’t stand a chance. I think she knew that once they started, but Kara wasn’t going to back down. She couldn't. Kara saw herself as the last line of defense between Reign and the people of Earth. Despite what you might think, she couldn't just step aside. That would have gone against everything that Kara stands for. She was - She was brave until the very end, Lena. You have a right to be angry, but I hope you know that what Kara did last night was for you. What she did was for you, and for every other person on this planet that she swore to protect. She was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, because that's just who she is. You know it, and I know it. Sure, you can be angry with her for leaving you here, but she only did what she felt was right. And I know that she would've made the exact same choice, if she had to do it all over again.” Lena shakes her head. "The good thing about all of this is that we learned a lot from her fight with Reign. Perhaps the Legion of superheroes can use it to defeat her. Kara's sacrifice won't be in vain."
"How can you talk about sacrifice like that?" Lena asks. "I know you loved her, Alex. Hell, she always talked about you like you were her whole world. So how can you sit here, mere hours after she's passed, and talk about her like that? She's dead."
"No! She will never be dead," Alex denies her, "Not as long as there are people on this planet - people like me, people like you, who work to make the world a better place like she did."
"I want to believe that so badly," Lena says truthfully, "I really do, but I - I need time. I just lost her, Alex."
"I understand," Alex says with immense understanding in her eyes.
I'm there in the water
Still looking for ya
I'm there in the water
Can't you see, can't you see?
"You wanna know what the worst part about all of this is?" Lena asks her tearfully, "I never even got to tell her how I feel. She'll never know how much I-"
"I think she knew," Alex says, with a reassuring squeeze of Lena's hand, "Lena, you may not have ever told her how you felt, but I'm telling you, she knew how much you cared about her. And that was enough. That was enough for her."
She watches Alex pick up the box from the coffee table, and feels her hands begin to shake as Alex hands it to her.
“She would have wanted you to have these,” Alex informs her, as Lena carefully lifts the lid from the box. "You’re holding everything I could give you - a piece of Kara Danvers, and a piece of Supergirl - in your hands.”
Lena chokes back a sob as she lays eyes on Kara’s cape, and on the pair of black spectacles that sit nestled on top of it. “I know it’s not much, but it’s – it’s something. Unfortunately, I couldn’t give you the Supersuit, because it was destroyed in the fight." Alex hesitates, and Lena watches as she reaches up to paw at the back of her neck. She looks so utterly like Kara in that moment that it's almost laughable. "Actually, that's a lie. The suit survived the fight, but we kind of destroyed it when we cut it off of her at the DEO."
"But you still have the suit?"
"Yeah," Alex nods. "We have it, but the truth is I - I haven't been able to look at it since everything happened. I don't think I ever will be able to."
"Why not?" Lena asks.
"I'll tell you, but it has to stay between us," Alex breathes. "Can you promise me that?"
"Of course," Lena says as if the answer is obvious.
"Reign's insignia is burned into the fabric over the crest," Alex nearly whispers. Lena's tears spill over and cascade down her skin.
"And I..." Alex shakes her head. "I just can't bear to look at it. She took everything that Kara loved and destroyed it, Lena. Kara loved that suit. But it was more than that...it's about the crest that Kara wore. That symbol meant everything to Kara. It was a symbol of hope, the crest of the House of El. Reign taking that from her, is the equivalent of spitting in Kara's face. It makes me so livid."
"She never told me what it meant," Lena says as she meets Alex's eyes.
"Their family motto is El-mayarah," Alex tells her. "It means stronger together." Lena closes her eyes.
"Lena?" Alex notices the look of devastation on Lena's face.
"It's a bit ironic, isn't it?" Lena asks her. "Because in the end, Kara was out there all alone. She fought on her own, and she bore that suffering all by herself, Alex. So tell me something! Where...where was everyone else? Where was Superman when Kara needed him? Where were you?"
"Lena," Alex sighs, "The answer to that is somewhat complicated."
"Yeah? Well, try me!" Lena challenges her.
"We knew that we couldn't intervene," Alex explains. "We knew that Reign was Kryptonian, and that she was strong...but I don't think we knew how strong. By the time we sent in back-up, it was too late."
"And Superman?" Lena says with an undeniable anger in her voice, "Where was he? Where was he while his cousin was being beaten into the ground?"
"I can't answer for him," Alex answers, "But I can tell you that Kara didn't like it when he intervened in the past. And as the champion of Earth, her wishes likely take precedent over his."
"I'd still like to give him a piece of my mind," Lena tells her honestly.
"I know," Alex nods. "I would too."
Oh yeah
I'm dead in the water
Still looking for ya
I'm dead in the water
Can't you see, can't you see?
"I'm sorry," Alex apologizes, as she looks down at the box. "I know I could apologize a million times and it won't make things any better, but I am sorry, Lena. I wish...I wish I could go back and do things differently. I would give anything to go back and save her. She wasn't just my sister. She was my whole world, too."
"I know. I know she was."
"Are you sure you really want to give this to me?" Lena asks as she looks down at the items in her hands. "Am I even worthy of such a precious gift?"
"Of course you are," Alex shoots back. "There is no one more deserving of this than you. You were the love of her life, Lena. Just promise me something. Promise me that you'll cherish it, like you cherished her?"
"O-Of course," Lena says with a break of her voice.
“Alex, I don’t even know what to say,” Lena says as her tears continue to fall. Lena no longer makes any effort to hold them back. "I don't even know how to begin to say thank you."
“That’s just it,” Alex shakes her head as she stands, “You don’t have to say anything. Look, I know how much you love my sister, Lena. And the truth is, I wanted to do this for you. You deserve it.” The moment is broken as Alex's phone starts going off, startling them both. “Shit. I’m really sorry, but I’ve – I’ve got to go. We’ve been doing everything we can to hold back the story, but even so, the White House and the President can only hold the back Press Corps for so long. I uh - I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but the story is going to break in a half an hour, so you're probably going to want to call in as many people as you can beforehand. Because once the story is out? Things are going to get absolutely crazy. In fact, the world might very well descend into chaos."
"I don't know if I can do this,” Lena finds herself admitting, as she looks into Alex's deep brown eyes.
"You can," Alex tells her. "Just do your job, Lena. And please, do me a favor. When you guys write your story? Don't hold anything back. Make sure the world knows about the kind of person that my sister really was. She wasn't just a hero. She was a hero with a heart of gold - a person who wanted to do as much good as she possibly could with the time she was given. She was the kind of person who would do anything for a friend. And despite what people are going to say, she never ever shied away from a fight." And with that, Alex is gone.
Lena stares down at the items in her lap. She just wishes that she had been brave enough to tell Kara how she felt about her. She wishes that she and Kara had gotten the chance they deserve. But she knows now that she’s not allowed to have happiness in her life. That much had been made abundantly clear by the universe.
With a spark of determination, Lena sets the box down on the coffee table in front of her, and stands. She's going to do her job, damn it, and she's going to do it for Kara. Because Alex is right, that's what Kara deserves.
I'm dead in the water
Still looking for ya
I'm dead in the water
Can't you see, can't you see?