Chapter Text
Bi-llamy invited everyone to group chat
Monty renamed chat “Bank Heist”
Monty changed his name to “Strips at Truckstops”
Jassper: Monty what the fuck
Strips at Truckstops: well we all know my mother still checks my phone
Strips at Truckstops: so I’ve decided to throw her off the scent
Bi-llamy: the scent of what
Flexa: probably the scent of queerness we give off
snarke-griffin: and air of general hopelessness and unemployment
blOckedtavia: tbf it’s just jasper who gives off an air of unemployment
Jassper: capitlm is a sin against nature
Lincum: are you trying to say capitalism
Jassper: yeah but it’s hard to type I’m lying down
Flexa: it’s 2:30
Strips at Truckstops: anyway yes to disguise the general Ridiculousness of u all, I’ve decided to hide in plain sight as it were
Jassper: so just move out of ur parents house and come love with me duh u basically live here anyway
Strips at Truckstops changed his name to ”Deals Drugs”
Lincum: “come love with me”
Deals Drugs: there’s a difference between basically living w/u and actually paying rent u know I’m saving up for a place
snarke-griffin: can y’all take a break from your domestic and come murder me quick
Flexa: yeah why
blOckedtavia: wow lexa right in there with the murder
Snarke: Work is Hell
bae-ven: calm down marx
Jassper: join me in unemployment purgatory
snarke-griffin: no I’m good I just am so sick of children
Snarke: and shut up I know I’m not supposed to say that as a school nurse but bite me
Monty: anyway we’re not “”domestic”” shut up
Jassper: Monty we’re out of rolling papers and shampoo can u stop by the wall of marts on ur way home
Jassper: bad time for that huh
Monty changed his name to “Kicks Dogs”
Bi-llamy: MONTY NO
bae-ven: WTF
A-nest-of-spiders: LMAO
Kicks Dogs: I have to work which means my phone is available to my mother so can y’all do me a favour and just be normal for when she inevitably reads my messages
Lincum: of course we will.
Monty: thank u v much
Bi-llamy: were gonna be so normal.
Snarke: and heterosexual
Monty changed his name to An Unsuspecting Heterosexual
Jassper changed his name to jasper
Bi-llamy changed his name to Regular Fella-my
Snarke changed her name to clurk
Lincum changed his name to lincorn
blOckedtavia changed her name to octlabia
bae-ven changed her name to Edgar Allen Hoe
An Unsuspecting Heterosexual: no
Edgar Allen Hoe: smh fine
Edgar-allen-hoe changed her name to bae-ven
a-nest-of-spiders changed his name to a-Friendly-nest-of-spiders
An Unsuspecting Heterosexual: thanks Murphy
An Unsuspecting Heterosexual changed his named to Monty
a-Friendly-nest-of-spiders: :*
jasper: get away from my man he’s too good and kind for u
Monty: we’re not dating
jasper: the point is still valid
jasper changed his name to jassper
octlabia changed her name to Monty’s Secret Lover
Monty: wait no
Flexa changed her name to Monty’s Drug Dealer
jassper changed his name to Monty’s Dick Dealer
Monty: I hate u all ???
a-friendly-nest-of-spiders changed his name to an-unfriendly-nest-of-spiders
Monty: nOOooooOOoo
clurk changed her name to Monty’s Third Murder Victim
Regular Fella-my changed his name to Tellamy
bae-ven: wait what
snarke-griffin: ?
Tellamy: like telling. Like I’m telling on Monty.
Jassper: get out of here u fucking square
an-unfriendly-nest-of-spiders: bellamy what the fuck
blOckedtavia: boo-lamy
Monty: u know what I’ve decided not to care anymore. This all fits in with my hiding in plain sight plan
Lincum: monty rn
Monty: lincoln rn
Lincum: AHUGH
Jassper: ASGKFAJFSGJ
blOckedtavia: YOU BITCH
Flexa: ATTACKED
Tellamy: oMG
Tellamy changed his name to bi-llamy
Lincum: Monty my feelings
Monty: I’m sorry lincoln do u want a hug
Lincum: yes
Monty: I mean I’m at work but ok
Monty: my spirit is holding u
Lincum: I feel it
a-nest-of-spiders: can u send ur spirit to me next
jassper: don’t do it Murphy
Monty: why, do u want a hug
a-nest-of-spiders: a very specific kind
Jassper: stop it
Bi-llamy: Astral projection is for friends only
Murphy: specifically I want u 2 hug my dick
Jassper: oh u did it anyway
Monty: I’m going to pretend that was an autocorrect and U meant duck. I don’t cuddle fowl
Flexa changed the group chat name to “I don’t cuddle fowl”
Bi-llamy and Lincum DM:
Lincum: hey bellamy what’s going on with ur and raven and murphy
Bi-llamy: ?? Nothing?>
Lincum: really?
Bi-llamy: what do u think is going on
Lincum: o and me think that it’s a small cult. Monty and jasper are leaning toward poly bi threesome.
Bi-llamy: what about clarke and lexa
Lincum: they think it’s a study group
Bi-llamy: so rather than leaning toward the obvious “they are the only three in grad school so they probably study together since everyone else is graduated and working or
jasper” you leapt to cult, or threesome?
Lincum: that’s not a no
Bi-llamy: No it’s not
Lincum: :O
Lincum shared a screenshot with all: PROOF
Jassper: :O
snarke-griffin: I knew it!
blOckedtavia: wtf ur guess was study group
snarke-griffin: no I didn’t say study group. I said........ boning.... troop. Boning troop. So I was right.
blOckedtavia: I’m gonna kick ur ass
Snarke: stfu
snarke-griffin: HEY WHY IS OCTAVIA AT THE SCHOOL SHES KNOCKING ON NURSE JACKSONS DOOR ADDFHKJFSFNKL
blOckedtavia: i told u I’m here to kick ur ass. And I’m here to teach an introductory taekwondo class, but that’s far less important
snarke-griffin: help
Bi-llamy: hmmmmm who do I side with? My sister or my heterosexual life partner?
Monty: ur sister has a black belt
Jassper: but ur platonic life-wife has needles
Bi-llamy: I’m not afraid of needles jas that’s u
snarke-griffin: HELP
Jassper: oh right. Then choose octavia, my terrifying heterosexual life partner
Lincum: excuse me
Jassper: did u miss the heterosexual part
Linc: ....
Jassper: oh right lmao
Jassper: my heterosexual **platonic life partner
Lincum: thank u
Jassper: we all know who my true love is
Bi-llamy: Monty?
Jassper: funyuns
Monty: what, bell?
Bi-llamy: im..... ffs.... nvm
a-nest-of-spiders: hard to believe beellamy’s the oldest of us all
Bi-llamy changed his name to beellamy
a-nest-of-spiders changed his name to a-simple-bag-of-bees
snarke-griffin: smh she just cae in and kicked me and left i fucking hate all u guys
flexa renamed groupchat to She Just Came In and Kicked Me and Left
monty: what lesbian richard siken poem is that from