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It wasn’t fair.
It definitely wasn’t fair.
Ryan bit and chewed at his lip, albeit a little unhealthily, as he watched Shane do wall balls in a cheerleader outfit. He wasn’t even paying attention to the fact that those legging molded to his claves way too well, more importantly he was paying attention to the fact that his entire upper torso was just...so much better than his.
His chest, his back, his arms, his arms were fucking huge, he had replayed the video over and over in the sanctuary of his Macbook’s private search, laying down in a comfy chair with his back to the wall so that no one could peer over his shoulder to see what he was doing.
Ryan had worked hard to get and maintain his body and those test friend videos had been the forced motivation he needed to keep at it. But then he saw Shane and his amazing back muscles and it made him feel a little insecure. It was as if there was a needle hovering over him but not piercing his skin yet, making him uneasy. With more force than necessary on his butterfly keys, he shut down all the tabs and closed his laptop with a sigh. These thoughts would get him nowhere and he was just overthinking, getting worried for no reason, and having a needless self-pity moment. He just needed a coffee and a nap.
When Ryan got home, the coffee and slight desk nap hadn’t made him feel better in the slightest. In fact, it made him feel worse, making him think he needed to drink more water to clear up his skin and get more rest so that his face didn’t look dead every day. If there was one thing Ryan Bergara was not, it was discreet.
Shane had picked up on Ryan’s weird mood all damn day. His tapping foot, his bouncing knee, twirling his pen over and over in his fingers, rubbing a hand down his face for every fifteen minutes of unproductivity that went by. These were all nervous quirks, and combined with the glowing fact that Ryan was making an esteemed effort to avoid making any eye contact with him was setting off all kinds of bells and whistles in Shane’s head.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Shane didn’t like to beat around the bush. The sooner he could get down to the problem, the sooner he could try to solve it. Ryan only shook his head.
“Nothing, I’m fine. Everything okay with you?” Shane had seen this before. Ryan would deflect the question onto him and make the issue about Shane rather than Ryan. Madej would have none of it.
“You’re not fine, you’ve been quiet all day, which is a big deal, and you won’t even look at me. Did I do something?” This made Ryan flinch. No, Shane hadn’t done anything, he was literally just existing. It was him that was the problem and he instantly felt guilty for making Shane think he was at fault for anything.
“No, no, you’re completely fine. You didn’t do anything at all, it’s just..I’m just…” Ryan struggled for words before deflating with a sigh and heavily sitting down on their couch. “Being stupid.”
Shane sat down next to him and put an arm around him, pulling Ryan into his shoulder and holding him there. “You’re not being stupid. C’mon, boogara, what is it?” Ryan couldn’t help but smile at the nickname his followers had fondly given him. He felt safe with Shane. Shane wouldn’t judge. Shane wouldn’t poke fun. Well, he’d poke fun in a harmless way to make him feel better.
“I just feel like...like I could look better.”
“Stop that.” Shane immediately shut him down, tightening his hold. “You are perfect.”
“But-“
“Perfect.” Shane insisted, letting go to look at him. “You are by far one of the most beautiful men I have come across in my life and I personally don’t think you have anything to worry about. I mean, how can you be struggling with self esteem issues when you’re compared to my bone stilts of legs and this nose on my face. Even if you did have flaws, I’d love them anyway. That’s what boyfriends do.” What Shane wasn’t expecting was for Ryan to lunge forward and kiss him. He wasn’t complaining.
“Thank you.” Ryan whispered, continuing their kiss with his arms wrapped around his neck. His love for the man before him surged, all insecurities wiped away- at least for the time being. It had been a cold one in California that day. Ryan wanted to give Shane more than just a thank you to express his gratitude. “You are wearing entirely too many layers.” Ryan stated, tugging on his coat. Shane raised an eyebrow, smirking.
“Then help me out of them.”