Chapter Text
I was sitting in the cockpit of Mom's ship. We'd offered it to Pierce but he'd refused it. Said it should be retired or honored or something. He'd loved mom, in his own way. I'd never noticed before but I did when I watched him stare into her quarters like he couldn't believe she wasn’t in there; sitting at her desk, plotting some grand scheme.
For now the sleek black and grey interceptor was next to Aunt Reide’s inside the largest hanger on the Void Wolf. I glanced out the window, looking over at the Obsidian. I still couldn't believe they were gone sometimes. I still couldn't believe Mako was gone either and it had been over a year.
Since they'd all seen fit to leave me so close to each other I'd picked one day to mourn their deaths. I sunk down into the cockpit where my mom use to sit and refilled my glass. I had a new name on the black list. Second this year. Later I'd go find the unlucky sob and kill him. It wouldn't be an easy kill and I didn't intend to sneak up behind him. A worthy opponent that would fail. A death in all their honors.
"She saved my life once."
I'd been so into my private party I hadn't heard Kaliyo come aboard. My gaze jerked towards the interruption, though I immediately relaxed once I saw her usual arrogant posture. "Mom?"
"Yeah. I was young, dumb, and too quick to the pull trigger."
Amusement drifted faintly across my face. "You? Trigger happy? No."
"Yeah, yeah. I show plenty of restraint now, Bounty Hunter. Then, not so much. Started a fight in a cantina I couldn't finish. She'd been there and finished it for me. Didn't say a word when it was over, just gave me a level look that spoke volumes, a nod, and left. We both knew I owed her one."
Stories about mom were by turns hurtful and comforting. I filled up another glass. "That why you’re here now Kaliyo? You settling that score?"
"No, that's why I joined Tana's crew."
"Gotcha." I stuck the cap back on the bottle and tossed it to her.
"You never talk about your father."
I didn’t say anything at first, was too busy drinking the liquor out of my glass and mulling over that statement. I leaned my head back against the headrest when I was done wetting my lips. "You know in a really fucked up way, Xerrin killed both my parents." I shook my head at the irony of that. "Some days I wish to frak we had just left Voss alone. Other days I wish we still had the eradicators."
"Sometimes you win Bounty Hunter..."
"I know. Sometimes you just loose." I pressed the glass against my forehead. Kaliyo took a healthy swig from the bottle I'd just tossed her. "Dad loved speeders. Really fast ones."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I remember, mom got him this sleek li'll double engined one and he never rode anything else. Keep souping it up though to make it faster." More memories floated into my mind and I felt a little grin pulling at my mouth. "I remember... we were at home once, all of us. Aunt Reide was out back with Tana, showing her how to use a sniper rifle. She'd brought Andro with her, and he was teaching Van something about weak points in a Sith armor to a blaster, serious stuff going on. Mom and Dad were in the living room with me. I was reading, and then out of no where, mom looks over at Dad and goes, 'look outside'. He's all curious now, so he gets up, goes outside and there it is. Like it came out of nowhere, all bright and shiny and shit."
I heard myself chuckle, remembering the look Elliah’s face. "Dad got this look on his face, like he's one of us, on our birthdays, you know. And he grabs mom and gives her this big kiss, then he jumps on the bike. Checking it out. Talking excitedly. And I don't remember what he said to her, it was like a bad pick up line or something, but she laughed. She didn't do that alot. Even for us, when she came back as a Sith. But every now and then, dad could get these just amazing laughs out of her. So she jumped on the back, and they rode out. Like two teenagers."
"That's stupidly cute, hunter."
I smirked and drank more. "For small pockets of time, we were just so... happy. They weren't Jedi and Sith when they were home. They were mom and dad, and they had these unique personalities. Why the frak does it matter? They proved it didn't."
"Looks like I stepped into the pity party."
I snorted. So yeah maybe it was. I held out my hand towards her. "If you're not going to drink it pass it."
"Don't you have a hunt tonight?"
"I don't need to be handled, Kaliyo."
"Ships all gassed up. Ready to fly."
My eyes narrowed. "You were on my ship?"
"Turned the droid on. Had him clean it up a bit."
My jaw hardened. Before I could say what had gotten me so rilled she goes -
"I gave him standing orders not to touch your room Hunter. ou gotta do that."
"Frak off."
It was at that point, things escalated really quickly. She smashed the bottle on the wall, came right at me with the jagged edges pointed at my throat. "Years all you get, Lancoro so listen up. I lost a man I didn't love. Oh, I loved him, but he never knew I loved him. Get it? And then a setup went south and he gets murdered by my anarchist mentor. Gone. That was my fault. You, your the freakin victim of circumstance. Not only that, but you got memories. The good ones where she knew you loved her. You know what she looks like when she's sitting in that knowledge." Kaliyo sighed, throwing the bottle on the floor. "That's the only regret I got. I know what he looked like loving me. I don't know what it would have done to his eyes to know I loved him. Guess everybody gets bothered by ghosts."
She walked out.
I can’t say I wasn’t a bit shocked by that revelation. Kaliyo kept everybody at arms length me included and I didn’t know a lot about her personal life. Her story though, what had happened that sucked. Made me understand her a bit more. Still I didn’t get up right away I merely sat there, letting it all sink in. After a time, I finally pulled myself out of the seat and, cleaned up the mess. Turned off the light and climbed off mom's ship. I stood back, looking at the pair of them - Aunt Redie’s and mom’s sitting side by side.
Then I went to a different hanger.
The lights were still on, proof that Kaliyo had indeed been there. I felt a rush of irrational anger again. A warning that Kaliyo was right; I needed to handle my shit.
I hadn't been on the Mantis since the funerals. I walked up the metal stairs, and stopped in the doorway to my quarters. Our quarters, Mako’s and mine. A makeshift kind of home.
I'd never admit she was wearing me out. But I didn't stir at all when she slipped out of bed. I did notice moments later; popping open my eye I watched her slide on my shirt.
"Come back."
She looked over her shoulder at me. Her short hair was disheveled, this adorable and sexy smile on her face. "I'll be right back."
"Come back now."
She laughed. "I'll be right back."
I grumbled, grabbed her pillow, and snuggled it. I don't know how long she'd been gone for because I'd fallen asleep. I only know I came awake again when I felt my arm being lifted. A moment later her soft, tiny frame scooted back against me. I pulled her closer..
She made the hottest little sound of contentment. "I wanna do this once a year no matter where we live."
"Have hot sex, snuggle, rinse repeat?"
"Yes."
"I plan on donig this a lot more than once a year babe."
She giggled. "No, big guy. Come here, to this ship. Right here. Spend the whole day… in bed."
"You talking dirty to me, Mrs. Daklan?"
"Well if you asked me really nicely."
I was instantly awake. I nuzzled my lips against her ear and whispered, "I love you."
I could feel the effect my words had on her, it rippled through her body, almost the way she did when I -
Mako had my hand was moving it... oh. So wet. Already. "You do that to me. Every time you say it. I can't help it..."
She tilted her head back and found my mouth. I got to catch her moan when I put my fingers to good use.
I pinched the bridge of my nose like I could fight off the memory with that gesture. Walking over to the bed, I laid down. Reached for her pillow and brought it towards me. It still smelled like her. So very, very faintly but it was there, just out of reach. I didn't realize I'd started crying until I heard the rise of it, muffled into the pillow I was now clutching, my shoulders shaking.
I'm not proud of it, but it went on for too long. Mom's first lesson had been that you couldn't control what you ignored, what you didn't know. I had ignored all this pain for a year. Now I was being swallowed by it.
I missed my target that night. But I got him the next day. I spent the third back on my ship, boxing things up. Bringing back pictures, and little keep sakes. Not just Mako's stuff, mine too.
Kaliyo come to see me on the fourth day, saw that I was ready to start healing in earnest and we got back to work.