Chapter Text
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only
Say what you need to say
“Dammit!” Alex Danvers slammed her way into the training room, hitting a trainee with the door in the process.
“Sorry, Sorry!” Kara bustled in after her sister. She leant a hand to the trainee who was laying flat on his back after having the wind knocked out of him.
“She didn’t mean to. She’ll apologize. Hold on.” Kara quickened after Alex who made her way over to an empty punching bag.
“Alex. Hey Alex! What the hell! You need to go apologize to that kid.”
“Later.” Alex started to pummel the bag without gloves.
“What’re you doing!?! You’re gonna rip the skin of your hands off. We won. Shouldn’t we be celebrating?”
“I’m not in the mood.”
Alex focused on the invisible square on the punching bag.
Jab. Jab. Hook. Jab. Jab. Hook.
“I don’t understand, why you are so upset.”
“Because I screwed up and you almost got hurt again!” Alex growled. Her body froze, right fist connected to bag mid jab.
“But I’m okay Alex. Look at me,” she moved to stand in the older Danvers’ field of vision, “ it wasn’t your fault. I’m the one who cornered those robbers to the docks by the lake. I knocked over that barrel of fish with my heat vision, I’m the reason you slipped. If anyone was at fault here it was me. I rushed into this fight without consulting you.”
Alex went back to her punching.
“I shouldn’t have slipped. It distracted you. I’m trained to fight in all kinds of conditions.”
“But you’re not perfect Alex! You’ve been beating yourself up over every little thing since- since earth x.” Kara stumbled over the memories that came flooding in. “You’ve been on edge and tense ever since. You screamed at a tablet last week because it froze on you and you’ve been putting in more hours here training then ever. Everyone’s worried.”
When Alex continued to punch Kara continued.
“We both went through and saw things no one should ever have to with earth x. I still have nightmares but I’ve been talking to people about it and it’s getting better. You can’t keep yourself all locked up like this. The weight of the world isn’t on your shoulders Alex. It’s okay to not be okay.”
Jab. Jab. Hook. Uppercut.
“I’ve said what I wanted to say and I’ll leave now. If you need someone to talk to I’m always here for you, Alex,” Kara turned to leave, “oh, and don’t forget to apologize to the kid.”
Jab. Jab. Hook. Uppercut.
————————————————
Kara just didn’t understand. She didn’t see what Alex had seen. She hadn’t actually been to earth-x. She didn’t see the people in those camps. The pink triangles pinned to their chests. Sentenced to death for loving the wrong person. What she had been through was traumatic in a different sense.
Alex stood at her sink letting the cold water sting her hands, watching the blood trickle down the drain. Kara was right. She should’ve at least put tape on her knuckles. There were holes in her hand and she was pretty sure she had broken a knuckle on her left.
After Kara had left she had continued to punch out her frustrations. Pausing only briefly to apologize to the terrified trainee she had apparently knocked over.
She continued to punch and eventually kick the bag for two more hours. Kara didn’t understand, but the bag did. It was only when she noticed that she had hit a red square into the white bag that she stopped. Her hands literally couldn’t take it anymore.
Kara didn’t know what it was like to take care of a younger sister. To constantly worry about her. Kara may be made of steel but she’s not invincible and Alex constantly worries about the day it will finally catch up with her.
Alex looked out the window above her sink. The city lights lit up the night before her, the sun had set long ago and Alex still hadn’t had dinner. She contemplated whether there was enough leftover pizza to eat when the hairs on the back of her neck stood straight up.
She grabbed her gun from next to the sink, whipped around, and gasped. Standing at the other end of her gun was none other than Sara Lance, a portal glowing behind her.
“That’s one hell of a welcome. Good to see you too Danvers.” Sara smirked, the sight of the gun pointed at her head didn’t seem to phase her one bit.
“You did not just open a time portal to my kitchen.” Alex put her weapon back down on the counter.
“Well, it was supposed to land me outside your apartment door so I could knock like a normal person, but it looks like someone miscalculated, again.”
Alex heard a faint Sorry from beyond the portal before it closed.
“What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in Ancient Greece or something?” Alex was stunned, this was the last thing she expected to happen tonight.
“Nope. Just cleaned up a level 8 anachronism in 1920 Ireland, didn’t think we would pull it off for a while but we did in the end. Fought our way out like we always do.
“Can I come in? I mean, I’m already in. But you know, manners and all.”
“Oh. Um, yeah. Of course.” Alex gestured to the small apartment.
“You’re bleeding.” Sara stated matter of factly and stepped forward to take Alex’s hands in her own.
“Oh! It’s nothing. I’m fine. They’re fine. Nothing.” Alex’s face turned red as she pulled her hands back.
“Hey, it’s okay. Let me see.” Sara held her hand out to Alex and waited. Alex hesitated but one look in Sara’s eyes and she relented and carefully put her hands on top of Sara’s.
“You know how I know someone’s not okay?” Sara asked as she examined Alex’s hand carefully, “when they say they’re fine.”
Alex bit her lip and flinched when Sara brushed over the severely swollen knuckle with her thumb.
“I think it’s just badly jammed. I can pull it out but let’s get some bandaids and ice on your hands first. Do you have any wine?” Sara arched an eyebrow with the question.
Alex couldn’t keep her eyes off of their hands. Sara’s were like she remembered. Rough but gentle as they traced their way over her bruised skin.
“Alex?”
Alex startled out of her stupor. Sara was looking at her with her magical lopsided grin. It reminded Alex of that night.
“Oh um... yeah.”
“Perfect. You get the wine and ice and I’ll grab some bandaids, which I’m assuming are in the bathroom?”
Alex nodded and pointed to the bathroom, her eyes lingering on Sara’s ass as she exited the kitchen.
“Dammit, Alex.” She hissed to herself. She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t fall for this woman. It was a one night stand. She just broke up with Maggie, how could she move on so soon. “And she’s a freaking time traveling assassin!”
“Ex-assassin actually.” Sara claimed suddenly causing Alex to fumble with the wine glasses and almost drop them.
“What is it with you and sneaking up behind me?”
Sara shrugged, “it’s an ex-assassin thing.”
Alex found herself being led to the living room where Sara made herself at home on one end of the couch and grabbed the wine and glasses from Alex to start pouring.
“Kara told you to come, didn’t she?” She stood firm next to the coffee table.
“Yes-“
“It’s official, I’m gonna kill her.”
“And, no.”
Alex looked at Sara puzzled. Sara pulled out a couple of bandaids she had found and Neosporin and gestured for the brunette to sit.
Intrigued, she sat down across from Sara and let her tend to her hands.
“Your sister called me earlier this evening, worried. Didn’t know what else to do. Said you’d blocked yourself off from everyone since... since the wedding. She decided I would be the Hail Mary. I was there with you the entire time, we seem to have... a connection. We both figured it was worth a shot. She gave me your number but after rewriting and rewriting text after text I decided that this was something better done in person. So here I am.
Her eyes never lifted from Alex’s hands. They were strong and awkward, like she remembered them, if a little more raw now.
“Truth is though that I think I might need this talk just as much as you do.”
“From all of the stories I’ve heard about you, you seem more like the brooding type, not so much into feelings.”
Sara put the last bandaid on Alex’s hand and tossed the box onto the coffee table before passing a glass of red wine to Alex.
“Oh, I am. But this was different. My father’s doppelgänger stood in front of me and said he had my doppelgänger killed for being bisexual. It’s not something you can just brood over.
“I need to unjam your knuckle. It’ll hurt and make a loud noise but it’ll heal much quicker after.”
“Not my first jammed knuckle. I thought it might be broken at first but I think your assessment is correct.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence Danvers.”
“Actually it’s Dr. Danvers M.D. to you.”
“You’re just full of surprises.” Sara yanked on Alex’s finger and was rewarded with a loud pop. Alex prepared herself and didn’t flinch this time, but closed her eyes for a second as the pain dissipated and then relaxed.
She sat with both knees to her chest and a towel filled with ice on the back of her left hand while Sara lounged out a bit with one leg stretched out so it brushed against the side of Alex’s and the other lazily scrunched.
“I keep seeing those pink triangles,” Alex murmured, “I dream of those people’s faces in the concentration camp. They beg me to save them, but I can never do it. I’ll look down and I won’t have legs or I’ll be neck deep in a sink hole or something. They haunt me.”
“Me too.”
“I was so focused on saving Kara at the time...”
“Snart- Sorry, Leo keeps in contact with Ray over there. Says the Rebellion is finally winning. The Nazis are falling. It’ll be over soon.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I can’t even imagine how long some of those people were locked up. How do you bounce back from something like that?”
“You don’t. Scars like that get carried forever. You carry on, if not for yourself then for your family or friends or whatever. You just keep pushing through and hope that one day the sharp pain will turn into a dull ache but it’ll never completely fade. Which can be a good thing, reminds you not to make the same mistakes again.”
“You sounds like an expert in the subject.”
“I’ve dealt with my fair share of tragedies.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just watching each other with soft eyes, sipping wine.
“Are you hungry?” Alex asked as her stomach rumbled. “We can order some food.”
“Starving what’s good in National City?”
“How about Chinese?”
“Perfect.”
They sat up most of the night talking and getting tipsy on wine. Swapping adventures and explaining their pasts. Alex laughed more that night than she had in weeks. Sara felt a warmth inside her that she hadn’t felt since she was little. Everything was perfect in the little bubble they had created