Work Text:
Maybe it was just him. Maybe he was so caught up in his feelings that they played with his mind, making him think that things were going to slowly piece back together into the way it used to be. Bright eyes, a world full of color, familiar laughter, soft touches, everything… at the time it felt so ethereal. Now that it’s over, it really felt like a moment in reality had been paused just to give him that period of time filled with bliss. It felt like something knew he was stuck in a rut, and needed to pull him out of it, and sure enough he was there, and Keith had never felt so alive after realizing what he felt the more he saw the presence of him and heard the voice of him.
They’d known each other since they were kids. Grade 2, if things are going to be specific. Now they were in their junior year of high school, and things were all over the place. Well, that’s how they were for Keith. The other boy, Lance, had it better in some cases. They didn’t talk that much but Lance still considered them as friends, and even though that was a bit of reassuring, it still hurt Keith when he was in his room at night thinking about why he’d say that and then not talk to him as much as he used to. He understood Lance had other things going on now, a new relationship, new friends, all of that.
All that he couldn’t understand was how with all of that he could just be so easily... replaced. Is that the word? Not really, but for lack of better words anyway. How could he, who’s known this boy for years, be replaced? A lot of childhood friends don’t always last, but Keith had never thought he and Lance would drift apart. It hurt him so much, it felt like this boy who he still thought was beautiful had grabbed his heart and pulled it apart till the strings of it were dangling out.
You see, Keith and Lance had a strong friendship up until the freshman year, first year of high school as you all know. Nearing the end of middle school and going in to start high school, Keith had been struggling with the loss of his step-father, who was his step-brother, Shiro’s father. It took a toll on Keith because he’d grown close to the man, but it took an even stronger toll on Shiro. Keith was drained day after day, often missing schooldays to take care of his step-brother because Shiro couldn’t even find the motivation to get out of bed. It was scary to see his older brother, who had once been full of motivation and determination and optimism and fight in him, now laying in bed day after day, never getting up.
Lance, always having been one to care for Keith and what was going on in his life, had offered to skip school sometimes to help him and be there for him. Keith felt bad he’d been holding his friend back from school, because he thought Lance possibly couldn’t think Keith was more important than education. But sure enough, he was wrong.
Three months into their first year, the way it started was with the two friends sitting next to each other on top of a hill in the middle of the night. Stars glittering and you could see one or even two shooting stars blast by in a matter of seconds. The night sky was an aura of blues and reds, sometimes merging to create faintly visible purple colors. They sat next to each other up against a tree when Lance slipped his hand out of his pocket subconsciously and it fell on top of Keith’s.
Silence has fallen over them soon after and despite it being dark, both of them thought the blush on their own faces had been enough to make people convinced it was already daytime by how bright it was. Lance was the first one to speak up after a couple long semi-awkward moments.
“Keith,” he said, “there’s… something I’ve been meaning to tell you. I don’t know how you’ll take it, I-I don’t even know if you- okay… whatever. I-I just need to tell you something.”
Curious, and confused, Keith looked at him with his head tilted, an eyebrow raised. “What is it?”
More few moments of silence hung in the air between them as the nervous expressions on Lance’s face kept changing. He looked back at Keith which made the black-haired boy realize he was staring, and quickly looked away after that, but as Lance started speaking, he couldn’t help but turn back to look at him again.
“When we were little,” the Cuban boy began, “I didn’t even know what it was. But I just felt so… nice when I was around you. I felt comfortable, more comfortable than it would be with my family and I was very close to them. I didn’t understand ‘cause we were so little. But now I came to realize it’s still like that, and, being more aware of things now, I can say what it is… Keith, I… I love you.”
It felt like everything stopped. Time had paused. The rustling of the leaves in the tree they sat under had been silenced in Keith’s mind, everything had been paused, he couldn’t even feel or hear the wind. He knew time hadn’t really paused, but in a moment like this it sure felt like it had. And it wasn’t bad that he had just happened to feel that way. It was meant in a good way.
“You… love me?” he echoed, silently cursing himself afterwards for asking something that was so obvious. Lance nodded as Keith started speaking again. “Lance… I always had a huge crush on you. Shiro would tease me when I was little, hah- but, that’s… beside the point. I just, I love you, too. I love you a lot. I always have, even if I denied it or couldn’t figure out. When you’re here, I feel safe too. I feel secure. If soulmates existed, I’d want us to be like that, and- I’m sorry- am I rushing into this?”
Lance laughed, his head tilting back before resting again. He scooted closer to Keith, wrapping an arm around his side, smile in his voice just like on his face. “Not at all,” he told him. Keith felt flustered, but because they were like this now, he just went with it. He rested his head upon the taller boy’s shoulder, both the sides of their bodies pressing together gently as it happened. Lance took Keith’s hand and caressed the knuckles with his thumb soothingly, making the boy sigh contently.
“Guessing this means this makes us a couple now, then?” he joked, and Keith snorted, looking at him with an amused expression.
“Of course! I mean- if you’re ready,” he said, voice starting off loud then ending more quiet and nervous like before.
The brunet, who was now his boyfriend, looked back at him with a smile returned. “If I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t have confessed.” Keith didn’t have enough time to process what he’d said, because Lance had leaned in and pressed his lips against the shorter boy’s. Keith felt his face go red, but quickly melted into it, snaking his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and pulled him closer. Their lips worked together in a motion that just made it feel so ethereal, but it was a good feeling of ethereal. Lance’s soft lips worked with Keith’s chapped ones.
Pulling away, Lance still remained only inches away from kissing him again. “I’m so happy,” he whispered, his blue eyes glowing in the dark of the night. “You’re finally mine. I’m finally yours. I love you, Keith… I love you so much.”
Keith could only smile back at him again, the blush on his own face probably never once fading at all. He was so in love, despite everything feeling like time had been paused, he knew this was real and they were really in love.
“I love you, too, Lance.”
After that, they were so happy. Sharing kisses whenever they were with each other, if one of them was with the other at their or their own house, they’d just snuggle up and be gentle. It’d be moments filled with whispering nice things, playing with hair, sharing soft kisses… it was cheesy, but Keith loved it nonetheless.
There were times where they were alone and had gone far enough to have make-out sessions. Sometimes things would get heated, but they’d stop because neither of them were ready just yet for something like that. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to, it was just that they were still young and being this young wasn’t good for them to do things like sexual stuff.
But it wasn’t all happy-go-lucky for long. Sure, they’d last through the rest of the first year, but reaching the end of their sophomore year, things had fallen apart.
They stopped hanging out frequently. They didn’t text each other often, or anything. They talked when they saw each other at school, and it was killing Keith. He decided to confront Lance one day instead of continue to hurt, and he didn’t know that what he was in store for would hurt him even more than the aching quiet between the two.
Lance had told him that at home, his parents had divorced and his mother had sent his father to rehab for his drinking addiction. This meant, being the eldest, Lance would have a lot more food on his plate than he had wanted. And he couldn’t handle another relationship, and had also mentioned how he’d just lost feelings over time.
“I don’t know how,” he told Keith, his voice numb and not seeming to show any emotion whatsoever. His voice didn’t even break once while telling him. “They just faded. If I could, I would bring them back… but I can’t just do that so easily. I’m sorry, Keith. I’m so sorry. I still want to be friends, I think maybe it would be better. I just can’t handle a relationship right now until I’m used to this new role I have to take on at home and stuff. Maybe we can try again. Maybe we won’t. Just please know I never mean to hurt you, especially not with this.”
Keith couldn’t process it. It all felt like when time paused after they’d started, time just resumed at the moment they’d broken up. He thought maybe Lance would just leave him there to cry, but despite everything, he still held Keith close, trying to comfort him the best he could.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’ll be okay. It will. If it’s not for you, you’re strong. You’ve gotten through a lot. And I’m here for you. Things will be fine. Being friends are just better for us right now.”
After that, summer had felt empty and dull. He didn’t have anyone to talk to about this other than Shiro, but even then he didn’t get much of an answer from his brother. He just spent his days laying in bed after that, not knowing what to do. He often cried about it, even if it had been a month. Despite having not seeing Lance, he still longed for him and loved him. He didn’t know what it was; he really didn’t. He just wanted Lance there, and for things to be like they used to be.
He used music and writing to help him through things. He also drew, but that wasn’t one of his most therapeutic things he preferred doing.
He continued to use it through the junior year of high school, coming up with new things to write for every day he’d been drained and just needed to vent. As mentioned before, he listened to music, too, but writing was a strong point for Keith. He started writing more after finding Lance had been spending time with a girl named Nyma.
He’d see them holding hands and talking and once share a kiss, but before he could actually see it he’d turn away and walk off. Everything just hurt every time he saw them together. No matter what, even if he was happy that Lance had someone now, he thought Lance meant it when he said that maybe he’d grow feelings for him again. That’s what hurt him the most out of all of this, and he felt so selfish for wanting Lance to himself like that again after everything. Still wanting him that way. Loving him that way.
It messed with Keith’s brain. He thought that every moment Lance took notice of him, or talked to him, even if it was mostly just small-talk, that the more Lance did any of that, the more his own feelings for Keith would grow back. And the reality to Keith was that he knew it wouldn’t happen; he knew Lance was happy with Nyma, and if they’d break up, Lance wouldn’t go back to Keith. There was just no way. Keith was back to being a loner, but more alone this time than he had ever been. It hurt, but he got through each day. He wrote things that were mainly about Lance. They were bittersweet kind-of things, it was like Keith wrote songs, and in a way he kind of did since he knew how to play the guitar and would sometimes sing them when he was alone or couldn’t be heard at all.
One night, when Shiro went out, he took a piece of paper and started writing on it. This was his new idea for a song or just a writing piece, and he thought it was good. For the longest time he never thought highly of himself for anything, but this was one of them. He knew what he was feeling now, out of nowhere, and this was how he was getting it out.
You were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room,
Flashin’ those eyes like highway signs.
Light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder.
Just wanna feel your lips against my skin.
White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the night life.
You told me this is right where it begins.
But your lips hang heavy underneath me.
And I promised myself I wouldn’t let you complete me.
I’m tryin’ not to let it show, that I don’t wanna let this go.
Is there somewhere you can meet me?
‘Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings.
And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing.
You’re writing lines about me; romantic poetry.
Your girl’s got red in her cheeks, ‘cause we’re somethin’ she can’t see.
And I try to refrain, but you’re stuck in my brain.
And all I do is cry and complain because second’s not the same.
I’m sorry, but I fell in love tonight.
I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight.
You’re looking like you fell in love tonight.
Could we pretend that we’re in love?
I’m sorry, but I fell in love tonight.
I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight.
You’re looking like you fell in love tonight.
Could we pretend that we’re in love?
After he was finished writing all of it, he looked back on it with a proud smile. Despite the clearly personal and depressing lyrics/words in every stanza, he was still proud. Taking his guitar out, he decided to try and play it. Singing it until he memorized it and his voice was sore. It felt good, it felt nice, and he didn’t even cry once. His voice might have broke during the first one or two times trying to sing it, but after awhile, he was okay. Putting it away and shoving the piece of paper into his backpack, because it was pretty late, he just decided to go to sleep.
The next day, Shiro had offered to drive him to school since Keith’s legs were hurting pretty bad from yesterday in P.E.. Thanking him and waving goodbye to his brother, he turned to walk into school. When he walked in, he saw Lance and his friends Hunk, Pidge, and Allura who was a senior student all hanging out together. Nyma must not have been there yet, Keith thought. Shrugging, he continued to glance around and then his eyes caught something; it was a poster on taped onto the wall that was colorful and bright with all sorts of different colors. A couple of students ranging from probably freshman to junior were huddled around it, patiently waiting to sign their names.
Walking over to where they were, he waited until they moved away so he could read it and whatever it was about.. It read in bright red block letters:
TALENT SHOW!!!
NEXT FRIDAY, MARCH 12TH
AUDITIONS WILL BE HELD UNTIL THE 10TH
(Please keep themes appropriate as best you can.)
Keith blinked, then he felt himself light up with an idea. He could play the song he wrote! But, he obviously was kind of reluctant to, because of how personal it was and everything, and because he’d never been one to like performing in front of people at all. And worst of all it’d be in front of Lance. But he wouldn’t know the song was about him, right? Okay… maybe that was a dumb question. Lance obviously knew Keith despite having drifted apart from him over time, so there was no way he would just let things go without wanting to be there for the boy.
No.
He wanted to voice his problems this time. Not only to Lance, but to everyone. Even if most of the students wouldn’t care and would instead just think of him as some emo freak or weird loner kid who wrote dumb songs.
But he didn’t care.
Keith was determined. He would go for an audition at lunch, since he brought his guitar with him, totally not expecting this to happen. He wanted to go to the guitar club they had at his school, but his mind was changed immediately after reading the poster. Thank God that he brought his guitar and had the song he wrote memorized.
He could do this.
When he got home, he honestly couldn’t stop smiling. He ran into the hallways and into Shiro’s room, skidding to a halt at the doorway. “Shiro! Bro!” he called.
His brother jumped, slightly startled, pausing the show he was watching to look at Keith. “What is it?”
Running over to the edge of the bed, he pulled out his guitar and held it in front of him excitedly. “There’s a talent show at my school and I’m gonna perform something!” he explained. “It’s a song I wrote. I mean- it’s… personal, in a way, but I wrote it and this is my chance! Not a chance to get famous but a chance to actually be shortly recognized f-for something-”
“Oh dude, that’s awesome!” Shiro exclaimed. “Congrats! Is family allowed to come?”
Keith nodded. “Yeah, I asked them. They said it’d be cool.”
After talking about it a bit more, Keith went back to his room to practice playing it on his guitar. He didn’t sing it since he knew how to sing it pretty good already. He played until he got it right, and when he did, he was proud of himself again. He was obviously nervous about performing, but he knew he could do it. He had to, there really was no backing out at this point.
He could do this.
He could do this.
He could do this.
It’ll be worth it.
Days passed and passed. Keith found it hard to be impatient about things. He gradually grew more nervous about it all, but also more impatient. He’d hadn’t been so excited for something in a long time. At least, since he and Lance… were together. Funny how the song is about Lance, though. Well, it’s not that funny, considering how it’s obviously about him and it’s really personal to Keith.
But that doesn’t matter. If Lance actually confronts him afterwards, then Keith will just have to be honest. There’s no holding back anymore; no lying anymore.
Today was the day.
Keith was trying to calm himself down the best he could. Suddenly every pessimistic view he’d been trying so hard not to focus on all hit him at once, and he didn’t know what to do other than to just breathe and chug his waterbottle and refill it over and over. He was waiting in the gym, being instructed where to sit and wait. Thankfully drinking all of that water didn’t make him have to use the bathroom at all, surprisingly.
His breath hitched and he pulled the hood of his black hoodie over his head, looking down. He felt like he was the only one being stared at. He felt like, because Lance would be there, he’d be staring at Keith. Keith didn’t want that, but it is what it is anyway.
Soon enough each grade got into the gym and was settled down. The principal spoke, gesturing to all the students who would be performing whatever it was they’d be performing, including Keith. Most of them looked confidently at the audience and some even waved to their friends, whereas Keith just shied away away from that. He knew Shiro was here, too, and that was some kind of reassurance to him. If there was anyone who would support him unconditionally, it would be Shiro. Keith knew that.
Eventually it started. Student after student, performances went on, started and ended. Some of them were things Keith couldn’t believe people, especially from his school, had the talent to do. It was really amazing, and after all this was a show with the word ‘talent’ in the name.
There were two friends who performed together, doing acrobatics and pretty intense stuff like bending and everything, in a way that shocks people because it’s so unique and kind of weird, but in the cool way. There was someone who read a slam-poetry type of thing. There were lots of cool performances, so cool that Keith almost forgot he was the last performer.
His name was called, and he tensed up.
Anxiety came back in a rush as he stood and started walking towards the part where every other group or student performed. He pulled out his guitar, and waited for the principal to quickly say what it was he’d be performing.
He sighed, glancing at Shiro, who gave him a thumbs up, and then he smiled and focused on performing. He closed his eyes, starting to play. and then he sang.
“I’m tryin’ not to let it show, that I don’t wanna let this go.” It was like he completely forgot he was in a gym with the whole school watching and listening. He felt like he was by himself as he performed this. “...And I try to refrain, but you’re stuck in my brain. And all I do is cry and complain because second’s not the same.
“I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight. I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight. You’re looking like you fell in love tonight. Could we pretend that we’re in love?” As he played more, he sang that last verse one more time and before he knew it, it was over. He was done. Opening his eyes, he took complete notice that his head was lowered, and he looked up, everybody staring and then they started clapping for him.
It was cheesy, the clapping part- it always embarrassed him when a group of people congratulated him in any way for anything. Walking out of the gym as students cheered after him and watched him go, he had a smile on his face. A genuine smile. He felt proud and confident, even if this was just a small portion of time in his life.
Rushing into the bathroom, he looked at his reflection. All he could focus on was how happy he looked, how good he felt. It was like everything that was bad had been blocked out by just that small performance.
He flinched when he noticed someone walked in and stopped at the doorway. Turning his head, he felt his heart skip a beat at who it was.
Lance.
Swallowing, Keith took one step back. “L-Lance-”
“It was about me, wasn’t it?”
Unsure of what to do or say, Keith sighed, lowering his head, shoving his hands in his pockets before looking back up at him. “Yeah,” he said simply with a small nod. “Yeah. It was.”
Lance furrowed a brow, seeming to be unsure as well. He eyed the floor of the bathroom then Keith. “I’m guessing you… never really lost feelings, then.”
“L-Lance, please don’t be mad, I’m sorry-”
Lance cut him off. “I’m not mad. I’ve… been thinking a lot. A few days ago Nyma and I broke up, actually. I think you had a feeling we were, um… together,” he said, sighing. “I’m sorry if it affected you so bad you had to write that. It probably did, but- see, I had to break it up with her. I know she’s the second person I’ve had a relationship with, you obviously being the first, but everybody warned me about her. They said she’s suspicious and seems to be ‘fake’ or something. I ignored them and took the chance, and I messed up. I should’ve listened.”
Keith stared, his eyes narrowed. He was confused but still continued on listening. However, Lance took notice of the confusion most likely and stopped himself. He then continued, but probably explaining it differently than how he planned to.
“Basically, what happened was I was walking out of the school and I usually walk out the back door where the bike rack is, so I can ride that and go to pick up my siblings so it’s quicker,” he spoke kind of quickly. “When I reached the corner I stopped, only peering, and I saw her making out with some other guy. I was too shocked to figure out who it was. She tried begging for me to stay and I told her, no, because I don’t want a relationship with someone who does that. Common sense, right?
“But I was broken and cried over it. Last night I kept waking up, crying. Now I’m tired and I’ve realized that your song was about me, I feel so bad, maybe if I just listened and didn’t ask her when I had the chance after my dad came back from rehab, I could’ve just went to you. Because for some reason some very small things never faded. I missed you so much and I never realized it, but God, Keith, if you really feel that way too, we’re fucking soulmates just like you once said when we first got together.”
Once he was finished, he had taken steps towards Keith until they were… really close to each other. Silence fell between them. They were still obviously in the bathroom, but the door was closed and classes had started up again. Didn’t mean someone would just walk in anyway, but it seemed safe.
“You… she… you guys broke up… you miss me…?” Keith asked, looking down, still trying to process it. He looked up at Lance, “does this mean you want us to try again?”
Lance pursed his lips briefly, eyeing the stalls. “I don’t know,” he shrugged, looking back at Keith. “I want to, but it’s just… what if the second time ends and it ends in an even worse way? I don’t want to hurt you. I really just want to love you, but love is scary, and I’m scared.”
Keith understood, taking Lance’s hand, holding his gaze. “Yeah,” he said. “I know. I’m scared, too. But… if you want… we can just take it slow for now. We don’t have to be like we were last time, rushing into things. It’s best if we’re just more patient and gentle now.”
He watched Lance pause for a moment, looking at his hand in Keith’s, holding it in return. He looked back at him a few moments after. “Yeah. You know? I’d like that,” he nodded, smiling gently at the boy. “I’d really like that.”
Keith felt his cheeks go a light shade of pink, a small squeal escaping him. He blushed more after that, embarrassed, but nodded. “Cool.”
“Yeah,” the brunet said. “Wanna hang at your place tonight?”
“Sure, but Shiro’s home, so,” Keith winked, joking. “I’m kidding, hah-”
Lance grinned, giggling softly. “Okay,” he nodded. “Nice.”
“Yeah.”
As Keith turned, starting to make his way to his current class, he stopped when he heard Lance say his name one more time.
“And Keith?”
The smaller boy looked back. “Yeah?”
“About your song… the last line,” he said, eyeing him, smiling softly again. “Let’s not pretend we’re in love. It’s real, y’know?”
Keith smiled back. “Yeah. It is.”